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APW Happy Hour


That's a wrap for APW Pride Week! (BOO.)

by Meg Keene, Editor-In-Chief

APW Happy Hour | A Practical WeddingAPW Happy Hour | A Practical Wedding

HI APW!

It’s… been one of those weeks. Thank god there has been Pride week on APW to get me through, because damn. For anyone else, or just me? I keep reminding myself that NEXT week is Fourth of July, and this week is almost over… and now it’s happy hour. DRINK? I mean, open thread?

XO,
MEG

Highlights of APW This Week

 Why we still need Pride.

A Brooklyn wedding with a killer dance party.

Wedding style for the masculine of center and the femme partners who love them.

When you can’t put “Got gay married before it was cool” on your resume.

The unique challenges that come with planning your (gay) wedding.

Waiting for the stork… or perhaps the FedEx truck.

Legally wed.

A stunning hexagon wedding backdrop that is easy and affordable? Just for you.

Link Roundup

Pride Links!

Uber’s doing pop up (paid! honeymoon included!) spontaneous weddings for SF Pride this weekend. Come on, someone, do it!

On legal “re-marriage,” and Jewish liturgy.

Tending the roots of a revolution.

The masculine mystique.

Laverne Cox: “I believe in the creatives. When the creatives begin to do it, the casting directors will come along.”

The history of an early American same-sex marriage.

Around the Web

Are wealthy, educated women bored with white weddings?

Being a bridesmaid is driving me to the brink.”

The legal issues around Boulder, Colorado starting to issue marriage licenses.

Hey! We were in Time/Money magazine. Twice! Oh make that three times, as of an hour ago!

The new teaser trailer and posters for Mockingjay—Part 1 are seriously creepy, and seriously great.

APW’s 2014 Happy Hours are sponsored by Monogamy Wine. Thank you Monogamy for helping make the APW mission possible! if you want to learn more about monogamy (and possibly win birthday treats), head over here and sign up for their newsletter.

Meg Keene

Meg is the Founder and EIC of APW. Her first book, A Practical Wedding: Creative Solutions for Planning a Beautiful, Affordable, and Meaningful Celebration, was published in January 2012, and has been a top three bestseller on the wedding bookshelf ever since. Meg has her BFA in Drama from NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts. She lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with her husband and son. For more than you ever wanted to know about Meg, you can visit MegKeene.com.

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  • Ellen

    At this time next week we’ll be preparing for our rehearsal! Holy crap, you guys. I don’t know where the last year and a half of planning has gone but I hope we’re ready for it!

    Will there be a Happy Hour next week? I’ll bring the sparklers!

    • YOQ

      Yay for you! Good luck!

  • YOQ

    YOU GUYS. I just checked the mail and found an envelope addressed to me and my sweetie. Return address: THE WHITE HOUSE. I cannot WAIT to open it, sweetie has to get home SOON!! (And she’s at work, and it’s before noon here. Sigh.) We sent an invitation to the Obamas months ago, and I had totally put it out of my mind. Now we’re two weeks out–do you think they’re coming to the wedding? ;)

    • Ariel

      Yay! I did that too! I put a picture of what they sent up on facebook and was reminded that it didn’t say they’re not coming… we shall see if they show up tomorrow ;-)

      • YOQ

        Wow, POTUS has a busy social calendar this summer… ;)

    • Caitlin_DD

      So glad someone did this! How exciting!!

    • Kirstin

      I totally geeked out when we got ours too!

    • Carrie

      We got ours last week, and the boy thought I was nuts because I just kept dancing around and giggling. :)

    • Valerie Day

      It SO MADE OUR DAY when we got one. It was set so carefully on our front doorstep.

    • Erin

      That is so cool! Now I want to do this, although it would be SUPER AWKWARD for our Republican families (we’re both the political black sheep) if they did show up How did you address the envelope? What is the ettiquette?

      • YOQ

        We just sent it to “The Obama Family” at the White House’s address–and otherwise, it was just like any other invitation to friends… :)

    • Caroline

      We invited them too. (No response yet but invites went out recently). My father-in-law has a letter from then President Reagan congratulating my in laws on the birth of their son (my fiancé). So we figure it’s a good family tradition, and we’ll send in baby announcements for each kid too.

  • Amy A.

    Did you guys know you were mentioned (though not linked) in Salon this week too?

    http://www.salon.com/2014/06/23/being_a_bridesmaid_is_driving_me_into_bankruptcy_partner/

    Also, I’ll start off Happy Hour with a general thanks to APW for all your help and wisdom in planning our wedding, whic was last month. It was lovely and afterwards we looked at each other and said, “Yep, that was pretty much everything we had hoped for.” :-) Cheers to all you lovely folks in the planning stages, you CAN do it!

    • JSwen

      I found a typo in that Salon piece. It says, “Explained by one married man…” when it should have said, “Mansplained by some guy…”

      • Amy A.

        Bahahaha, I admit I skimmed over that part. But yeah, on a closer reading, that is kind of how that paraphrased section (you can’t really call it a quote other than the words “consumer feminism”) comes across!

    • Lauren from NH

      Yeah we have talked it to death over here, but the idea that by honoring a friend by making them your MOH or BM is slapping them with a bill of several hundred or over a thousand dollars is bananas to me!

  • Alyssa M
  • Heather

    4 more days of work, then 3 weeks off for wedding/honeymoon!!!! I’m so excited!

  • Ariel

    I’M GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW!!!!! I can’t freaking wait! Congratulations to all of the other June 27/28/29 ladies here; I know there are a bunch of us!

    PS For all of those who have been keeping up with Period Watch 2014: I got it this morning. Ughhh. I drank a whole damn box of ginger tea and everything!

    • YOQ

      CONGRATULATIONS!

      Also, thanks for the update in Period Watch 2014. Crossing ginger tea off my list of things to try…

      • Ariel

        Thanks! It works for some people I guess?

        • River

          Oh, Ariel, I am so sorry to hear that it didn’t work for you!! :-( But I am sure you are gonna rock this wedding no matter what! I hope you have a wonderful, wonderful time!!

          • Ariel

            Thanks!!! I’m ready to party!

    • JSwen

      Thanks for dispelling the ginger tea myth. I will offer to do Period Watch *PART DEUX* 2014 next month when, yep, period day and wedding day coincide…

      Period Watch part deux will be: Raspberry Leaf Tea. I’ll drink it every day for a month and report back ;)

      • YOQ

        Looking forward to the updates…

      • Ariel

        I read something else about parsley (both in tea form and in sticking it up your hooha form, but that was a bit much for me)

        • vegankitchendiaries

          A friend of mine did that to “induce” a period but what she was actually trying to do was induce a miscarriage. It didn’t work in her case, but I’ve heard a few times that parsley in the ‘hooha’ can be done for this reason…

      • swarmofbees

        Well, if you are trying to induce labor, I can tell you that raspberry leaf tea does naught. However, for the lesser biological miracle of menstruation, who knows.

      • River

        Errr…just because it didn’t work for Ariel, doesn’t mean it won’t work for everyone. Each lady is different and will respond to different things. Ginger tea most definitely works for me (maybe being a redhead makes me more sensitive? Or maybe something else?).

        • JSwen

          Yes, small sample size is a good point but I don’t think hair color is linked to reproductive health. :)

          Either way, I drink ginger tea somewhat regularly so I don’t expect it to do much for me.

          • River

            hehe I firmly believe my tinge o’ ginge is behind pretty much every bodily weirdness that I endure (mainly because it marks me as the genetic improbability that I am)

            and yes, if you drink ginger tea regularly, your uterus is likely to remain unaffected by its charms.

          • Laura C

            Red hair is certainly linked to dental anesthesia stuff, so who knows?

          • Meigh McPants

            That’s what I was going to say; it’s documented that redheads tend to experience more pain and often require stronger anesthesia.

      • Emily

        I’m experimenting with the ginger tea, too, though I’m trying to bump my period up a week or more by August. Maybe I’ll try raspberry and parsley, too.

      • Kayla

        Has anyone mentioned the Diva Cup/Lunnette for ladies who can’t avoid period/wedding collision? Because man, they are awesome. You can put it in for 8 hours (really! even on heavy days!) and it’s like a super-strength period dam. No leaking. No changing. Nothing is getting through.

        Of course, when you empty it at the end of the day you’ll look like you killed and butchered someone with your bare hands. That’s not a bad price to pay for a period-worry-free day, if you ask me. But opinions may vary on that one.

        • Heh

          Yessss. I will preach the cup-gospel along with Kayla. I have torrential totm’s and I bought a moon cup in my early twenties. Best purchase ever. I always thought I’d have to do some serious math when setting a wedding date, because I literally can’t walk around on the bad days with just a pad or tampon in (I used to fill a super plus in under twenty minutes). On my heaviest day wearing the cup, I can make it to about hour six without noticing a thing. But yes, removal is more hands-on than disposable methods, and it’s sort of like re-learning how to insert a tampon all over again.

        • Em(ily)

          I use a diva cup, love it so much! I find it fairly clean to deal with if you’re careful about the angle you remove it at. I still would rather deal with my period the week before the wedding rather than the week after when we’ll be honeymooning, if at all possible.

        • Ariel

          Oh yes, I heart my diva cup. On my crazy heavy days, it only lasts an hour/hour and a half though. Morning of the wedding I was basically hemorrhaging. However, my period literally ground to a near halt the hour before the wedding and didn’t return until 24 hours later. It was basically a wedding miracle; the period gods shined down goodness on me yesterday. Thank you to everyone for putting up with the amount of TMI I’ve been spewing the past few weeks.

          Also, my wedding was fucking awesome. My husband (!!!) is pretty damn great too. :-)

          • River

            CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!

            Also ye-eah period gods blessed your wedding ;-)

    • Fiona

      I’ve always wondered how people deal with this issue! Well now I know…no ginger tea.

    • Emily

      Hahaha Period Watch 2014!

      Good luck with everything, big congrats!!! Hope you enjoy every minute!

      • Ariel

        Thanks!

        • Ariel

          I’ll send you glitter filled pictures as soon as I get some :-) Thanks so much!

    • Lindsey d.

      Ariel! Good luck! I want a picture of how the centerpieces turn out!

      • Ariel

        I’ll send you glitter filled pictures as soon as I get them :-) Thanks so much!

        • vegankitchendiaries

          GLITTER! YAY!

    • vegankitchendiaries

      YAY FOR ARIEL! Hope you and yours have the most awesomest, awesomest wedding!!

      Hot period avoidance tip: I left my doctor’s office with my handbag full of extra strength advil samples. He told me to take one with breakfast, lunch and dinner to keep my period away just for my wedding. I DIDN’T EVEN MENTION THIS BEING A CONCERN FOR ME. What a great dude!

      • JSwen

        Did it work, if I may ask? What is the mg dosage on the advil?

        • vegankitchendiaries

          200 mgs. They’re Advil liquigels.

          I didn’t try it. My wedding is in 3 weeks and, to be honest, I don’t even really care about getting my period or not. I don’t even know if I’m expecting it or not! It was kind of weird that he was like, “GIRRRRL, DON’T WORRY ABOUT AUNT FLO IS COMIN’ TO TOWN ON YOUR BIG DAY!” or whatever out of nowhere. Still… helpful!

          • JSwen

            Wild. I’m going to check with my doc because I’m not stoked about slipping into a fitted dress whilst bloated to the max. I’m sure nothing beats feeling like a big white sausage and getting your picture taken 800 times.

          • Dawn

            For anyone who is irregular and who wants to know when to expect your period but does not want to take hormonal birth control: chart your temperature. If you’re ovulating, you’ll see the temp rise, and you should soon (within a couple of cycles) be able to determine how long your luteal phase is. For most women the number of days between ovulation and the beginning of your period is consistent. A useful book that addresses this is Taking Charge of Your Feetility.

      • Lauren from NH

        I am rather skeptical of that working. The pill on the other hand has made my period run like clockwork. I can make it come a week early, a week late, very convenient. But I know the hormones concerns some people – it used to concern me more, but I have had a very positive experience.

        • vegankitchendiaries

          So agree. The pill works so, so good for this.

        • KC

          Ibuprofen does funky stuff with your prostaglandins; there’s actually Science behind that one. It may not work for everyone, but it does work for some (and reduces period heaviness for more).

          But yes. For moving periods altogether, hormonal birth control is amazing (but better to start several months ahead to avoid spotting on the day you’re trying to move the period off of).

          • KC

            Sorry, should clarify for anyone looking at this in the future: ibuprofen can *delay* onset of bleeding. It’s not going to cancel that particular period, just make it lighter (apparently because of the effects of ibuprofen on the prostaglandins) and maybe a day or two later – which is sometimes enough for wedding or other Important Day purposes.

          • accidental_diva

            Also if you’re more worried about the heaviness of it anything that dries up your sinuses tends to lighten the flow too… I had to go to a white party the heavy day of mine last summer and popped Advil Cold & Sinus through the day and I had a light(er) flow all day.

      • Bets

        Here’s another tip: Drinking lots of freezing ice cold water delays my period by a week. Has worked for me since high school, and this would be totally summer-wedding friendly, non-hormonal/natural, etc., too.

    • Amanda

      To add to the list of things not to do when trying to prevent your period and your wedding from colliding. After trying to induce your period to come early for weeks, don’t then decide that your only option is to start on birth control (which for some odd reason you just don’t want to do) for the first time ever 5 days before your wedding. You will be able to avoid having it on your actual wedding day but it will then show up on the 3rd day of your 2-week European honeymoon and somehow manage to stick around for another 5 days after you’ve returned home. siiiiiiigh.

      More importantly, HAPPY ALMOST WEDDING DAY TO YOU!!!! Enjoy every beautiful, glorious moment, including all of the tiny imperfect ones!

  • JSwen

    How is it Happy Hour already? Wait? It is Friday?

    Had my first dress fitting this week. I highly recommend that you ask friends to go to your fitting. I went with my Fiance and it helped him to have my point of view, so I asked two friends to come to mine (since my Fiance doesn’t want to see the dress). I would have had a major freak out about the length, which in my mind was a bit short, but my friends helped quell that notion.

    Now I just have to navigate the insane world of UNDERGARMENTS because my dress only has two layers and oops, you could see the color difference between my taupe hip smoother and my pale-ass skin. Any advice on underlayers for a fitted skirt? I’d like to, ahem, smooth over my hint-o-muffin-top.

    • Kirstin

      I got a pretty affordable slimming slip for under my dress from David’s Bridal. It was narrow, but with a slit, so I could walk. Not comfortable, but necessary. My dress was also a little too sheer for daytime pictures.

      • JSwen

        Great idea. I’ll wander in there this weekend. Thanks!

    • Pileofstix

      SPANX. Seriously, they will change your life.

  • Sara

    I am neck deep in planning a ‘Read, White and Blue’ Baby shower next weekend and can’t wait! Also can’t wait for my nephew to be born but I have to wait at least a couple more weeks for that :) Now just have to figure out if I have time to drive to Indiana to get some fireworks.

    Stunning work this week everyone, I loved every piece (which I guess is no different from every other week, but still needs to be said).

    • swarmofbees

      Weeellll, if you find the time for the fireworks, you may not have to wait that long for the nephew. Surprise baby shower entertainment, perhaps?

      • Sara

        Ha, I wasn’t thinking anything that big! On the other hand, people would be talking about my party forever. :)

  • macrain

    I need some Mom help.
    I wasn’t sure how my mom and I would get along during wedding planning, if she would help or not, etc. I’m happy that she is now very involved, and she is taking over some stuff that I care about, but not that much (which is a win-win, since she gets to do something she is interested in, and we get to benefit).
    However, lately she is driving me up a wall. I think she has done her best to support me even when she doesn’t get why I’m making certain choices (like the choice not to wear a veil, and not to have a wedding cake), but I think I pushed her over the edge this week when I told her we were deciding to not do hotel bags. (I actually have nothing against hotel bags, but we are planning from afar and I’m trying to keep our to do list for the days leading up to the wedding short in order to keep our sanity.) She almost exploded at me as she declared, “If your wedding is TOO simple, it won’t be special!” It was like all of her pent up frustration and confusion over my choices just came tumbling out all at once. Also, every time something like this comes up that she wants and I don’t, she offers to take it on, and her to do list is now practically bigger than mine and includes a million things I don’t care about. (It also includes things I DO care about that I’m worried will fall by the wayside.) She’s going to kill herself trying to do all this shit.
    I don’t know what to do from here. I can’t accept her help at the price of my own sanity. Is it a lost cause to explain to her where I’m coming from? Or if not, what’s the best way to communicate that? If she is really dying to do hotel bags should I just let her? Or should I tray to scale down her role a bit? Should I just let her whip herself into a frenzy and focus on my own sanity? It’s hard to separate the two when she is so involved.

    • Emily

      Eek! Will she listen to your worry that she’s going to burn herself out? Like, I’d want her to still be able to enjoy the process of getting to the day. and not be devoured by to-do’s. Maybe you can delineate more clearly which things are the most important that she help you with, as a way to try and make sure they don’t get forgotten and hopefully clear up her priorities. That is, if her priority is to help make your day smoother and dammit, it’ll be special no matter how simple! Sounds like she’s getting carried away just a tad.

    • JSwen

      First, so sorry this is happening. Moms can be…. overwhelming? Yes.

      I reminded my mom that “other people’s expectations” were their problems and that they can have [insert whatever random detail we were discussion] at their wedding. Another option is to tell her you are near the max of your budget. If she wants to do the bags, letting her do it is ok but it seems like her stress rubs off on you. I don’t know if there’s a good answer but sometimes time helps. Or refocusing on one of the details she loves that you are doing – my mom loved figuring out the centerpieces as a distraction from our NOT ORNATELY DECORATED CAKE? OMG!

    • ElisabethJoanne

      It took some time for my mother and I to learn to communicate about
      my wedding. It was kind of like when I went away for college, or
      further away from law school. It was a new stage we both had to adjust
      to. I don’t have any advice about hastening that process, but I do
      think it’s a normal process.

      My parents are not really big on
      planning in their personal lives, so I didn’t delegate anything that was
      important to me without setting a secret deadline to take the project
      back if it wasn’t done by then. Also, we reserved as much as we could
      of the last 4 weeks before the wedding to deal with everyone else’s
      procrastination/freakouts/issues. Everything that didn’t relate to the
      final RSVP count we did ahead.

    • ElisabethJoanne

      mispost

    • kris

      I kinda see it this way: if you don’t care whether or not you include a detail like the hotel bags, then you wouldn’t care if you actually have them, right? Maybe let your mom go for it. If there are other tasks more important that she’s offered to help with, try to guide her in those directions and maybe the less-important things (in your eyes, anyway) will fall to her wayside or become an afterthought.

    • Lawyerette510

      I think your concerns about her having too much on her list, getting burned out, and not getting to the things that matter to you because she’s prioritizing the things that matter to her are all totally valid.

      It sounds like there’s more here than meets the eye (or ear) and scheduling some time to talk about her feelings, where she is coming from, and what is important to her out of your wedding day then sharing with her where you and your honey are coming from, what is important to the two of you for your wedding day, and what you care about in terms of her are (that she share in your joy, that she have a good time, that she not burn out over details) will go a long way.

      It seems like her obsession with the details and it being special are about something she’s carrying that should come out. And as someone who just had a wedding with very few details (No formal invite, just a postcard directing to a website; no bridal party; very very few flowers; very little decor; no hotel bags; plain cakes from our favorite bakery; and a focus on writing a meaningful ceremony, sharing with our guests our gratitude for them being there, good food, good drink and spending time with our guests, I can assure her that the wedding was really special not only for us, but for our guests as well.

      • Emily

        My experience reflects this too!

      • JDrives

        I love this advice. I think some “Mom, I hear you/understand where you’re coming from and I love you. Let me tell you where we’re coming from.” would go a long way here.

    • Alyssa M

      A couple of other people have said this, but if I were in your situation, I also would bring up the things that were important to me and say “but I do have details, see? these are what’s going to make my day special, and I love that you took them on!”

    • jashshea

      Oh god. Hotel bags. I got in some hot water over those as well.

      I booked maybe 20 or 25 rooms at a decent, central hotel for our wedding about 7 months in advance. Several guests (including my parents) found a deal on Jet Blue for flight+lodging at the same hotel for cheaper and booked it. Other people had other hotel loyalties and stayed at other nearby places. I think I ended up with maybe 10 or 12 people in my “room block.”

      My dad got FIRED UP when I said I wasn’t going to do welcome bags. It was about month out from the wedding, so I was tying up loose ends at work and trying to deal with a problem at at rental property, so I’d HAD IT. I asked him (1) How was I to know the total number of people staying at that hotel and (2) how the fuck was the hotel supposed to know that Johnny Smith, Jetblue package guest was also Johnny Smith, Wedding Guest? Simply illogical.

      Anyway, you need to sit down with your mom and have a Project Manager-style meeting about what’s on the to-do list. Assign the items a priority (Must happen vs Nice to have), and cull the list down if possible. Give due dates and assign tasks/sub-tasks based on skillset and availability. Don’t let it get emotional. You don’t have time left for emotional. Good luck!

      • Ann

        My dad did my welcome bags with $30 at Costco (water bottle, snack bars, printed google map of the area with suggestions for places to walk, all in a very basic gift bag) and probably about 15 minutes of sorting stuff. They only went to people at the one hotel, and because it was a small hotel, the hotel simply asked people “Are you here for the So and So wedding?” as they checked in. If they answered yes, they got a bag. (The front desk staff was EXCELLENT about this. We also bought two boxes of chocolates to give to the front desk staff. That prevented us from being “those wedding people giving me more to do” and made us “those people who supplied these tasty chocolates.” Every time we walked by the front desk, we got thanked for the chocolates.)
        I absolutely would not have done welcome bags if it were more elaborate/expensive than what we did. Guests seemed happy about the contents. The few people who stayed elsewhere didn’t feel left out, in part because the bags contained nothing “special” (ie, nothing really worth keeping).

    • Ellen

      It sounds to me like you’ve been clear up-front about which of her projects are priorities for *you* and which are not. If that’s not the case, the rest of this advice may not apply. BUT:

      Since she knows your priorities already, why not be very clear starting now about what kinds of things will make you angry/cause you to feel hurt/damage your relationship? “Mom, I understand your desire for gift bags and I appreciate your offer to make them. It’s very generous and I’d be happy for you to do it. However, I also know that your to-do list is quite long, and many of the things on that list are things that are more important to you than to me. That’s OK: your offer to do those things has been so generous, and I’m so excited that you want to be part of our planning and be helpful to us. That said, I know how time has gotten away from me in planning this wedding, and I want to talk about prioritizing items on the list. It is important to me that all of the tasks I have asked you to take on (versus the tasks you volunteered to take on because it is important to you that those things be at a wedding and I was not planning on doing them) get done. If you pick items important to you over items that are important to me, I will feel disrespected, frustrated, and as though you are trying to take over a wedding that [fiance] and I are planning to reflect our values. Those feelings will cause damage to our relationship. If you don’t feel comfortable with that kind of prioritization or can’t assure me that the things I want will get done, please tell me–I’d be happy to do them myself/ask someone else/whatever. What will make me really unhappy is if you’ve promised to do them and they do not get done, when I could have made other plans to get them done had you told me in advance.”

      YMMV, of course, but this kind of thing has been really helpful to me in general, not only in making expectations clear, but also in making me feel better that the other person really gets what’s going on.

      • Ellen

        Considering this a little more, one good way of framing this (assuming you feel this way), might be that if she does her projects to the exclusion of yours, she’ll be essentially undermining your desires. So, you’re very happy to have her must-haves if she’ll do them, but if she does hers *and not yours* (and, again, she could tell you now to do it yourself or find someone other than her), she’ll essentially be saying that what she wants is more important than what you want and that your ideas are so bad she has to make sure no one else can execute them either. *That* is a crummy message to send to anyone, whether or not she intends to send it.

    • Nell

      Moms are tricky. Mine just said to me: “You aren’t going to have BEER at your wedding, are you? Beer is so tacky!” We are definitely having beer at the wedding. . . we are craft brewing nerds.

      I’m wondering whether it might actually help to direct my mom to this site, and pick out some posts that resonate for me re: wedding planning. Has anyone tried that? Did it work?

      • Alyssa M

        Oh dear. Meanwhile my mom is concerned that people will be pissed off that we’re have hard cider and wine, but no beer (neither one of us like beer AT ALL and I think free booze is free booze).

        • Nell

          Just goes to show. . . one person’s “tacky” is another person’s party essential!

          And yes, free booze is free booze. :)

      • JSwen

        Yes on sending articles. It very much helps if your mom is in the “what will others think!!?” mindset. Also, I let my mom work it out on her own and a couple weeks after I shared a plan that didn’t fit in her mental model of *the wedding*, she had it worked out. Many times, she would talk to friends and they would tell her it was ok.

      • Teresa

        I gave my mom the APW book and it really helped. When her best friends daughter got engaged and her future in-laws started demanding a bunch of stuff she didn’t want, my mom called me to ask me if I could bring the book over so she could share it with her friend and the daughter to help them get through all of that drama. I’d say that was an APW success!

    • Emily

      It’s so interesting reading this, because my Mom was the opposite– everything I wanted was too much, I was making too big of a deal, it was conspicuous consumption. (Keep in mind my wedding cost under $7K, was 3.5 hours, about 45 people). This came to a head with the photographer– I really wanted a good one and I knew one I wanted to support. Her cost: $2500. My mother thought this was outrageously expensive and she had offered to pay for the wedding (in hindsight, when she made this offer we should have been more clear about what that meant). You said “I can’t accept her help at the price of my own sanity” and that was how I felt. Professional photos were important to me. This wedding (my first and hopefully only) was (is) a major event in my life and I wanted to make a big deal of it, in my own way.

      I don’t know if I can offer you any help; I wish I could. I suspect that you have a good vision of your wedding (even if you don’t think so– my wedding continued to evolve and became more and more us the closer we got to the event). It is your wedding; it will be special. I hate the fact that now when I remember my wedding and look at the photos I do remember the ugliness with my Mom, but I also have a feeling that I held out (fought even) for what was true for me. I’m old–37–but I still realize how hard it is for me to see my Mom as a regular human, not an all-knowing, always right being.

      What was your Mom’s experience with her wedding? I realized that my Mom was not involved at all in her own wedding planning (her Mom did it all). Explaining to her that mostly I was going small, simple, and meaningful, but that I felt the photography was an important splurge, did help.

      Good luck.

    • Meg

      I chose not to wear a veil and I seriously feel like I pulled a fast one because not one person gave me shit about it. Anyway my heart goes out to you. My mother was a lot to put up with too.

  • Kelly

    We are now on two weeks of successful marriage! Hopefully many more to come. APW happy hour has been such an important part of planning, it felt very weird not to be around for the past two weeks (rehearsal + honeymoon). Thanks for everything, all!

    I have a post-wedding question. What to do with vendors who didn’t live up to expectations? We have two, one minor and one extra-annoying.
    Minor: our cake vendor gave us the wrong flavors and forgot that we had paid in advance (so I spent my hair-and-makeup time wandering trying to find cell service to listen to their voicemails).
    Extra-annoying: Our DJ was the WORST. Like didn’t follow a single instruction. Spaced out during the ceremony and didn’t play a recessional (my first married words were “PATRICK!” trying to get his attention), didn’t actually know what a grand march was, played the wrong dinner list, didn’t download the ONE important family-tradition song, refused my maid of honor’s dance request bc “I told him no pop music” (what??), cleared the dance floor because his music was terrible…

    Do I ask for a refund? Do I just share my bad reviews? Do I write them a letter and let them decide what to do with it? I don’t want to be a jerk, but getting a few hundred dollars back in my pocket would be awesome.

    • Sara

      As my dad always says, the worst that someone can say is no. I would definitely call and talk to someone in charge if there’s some sort of management. At the very least, you’ll feel like you’ve done all you can but they may give you something in return – a partial refund, full or something. But I wouldn’t write a letter, that’s easily pushed off. A phone call makes them respond to you immediately.
      And definitely spread the word.

      • YOQ

        If you feel like you get the runaround on the phone, though, a nice, formal sounding letter cc-ed to the Better Business Bureau can often do wonders.

        Given the amount I have used yelp in the last couple of years to scout everything from walking tours to manicures to wedding/reception venues, I would also recommend writing an honest review there, too.

        • Alyssa M

          Yeah, the reviews are more than punishment for the bad service… they’re a warning to help out future brides!

      • ElisabethJoanne

        In my experience, businesses prefer to give in-kind “refunds” rather than money, so be aware you might get more satisfaction from dealing with the bakery than the DJ. Unless you regularly throw big parties, all the DJ can really give you is money, but the bakery can give you free cake.

        I also think it’s a good idea to have some idea of what you want when you contact the businesses, especially if they’re small so business management is only part of what the person you talk to does. A full refund? 50%? A whole other cake? A gift certificate for a 10″ cake? Make your initial suggestion a bit more than you think is fair, so there’s negotiating room.

        • Lauren from NH

          Maybe if the bakery does offer you cake instead of money you can gift it to someone else’s wedding? Pay it forward in a sense?

        • Kelly

          I guess I just don’t know what is fair. Maybe I’ll ask the bakery for a small cake for our anniversary, since we didn’t freeze any. But the DJ… he did travel an hour each way for our rural wedding. I think he should probably refund us 100%, but I don’t want to be a jerk about it.

          • YOQ

            He factored in travel time and costs when he decided what to charge you. I don’t think it’s being a jerk to enumerate the things he did badly and say “your behavior had a significant negative impact on my ceremony and reception. It affected our enjoyment of our wedding day and our guests’ enjoyment of the event. We spent $X to hire you, but the service you delivered did not measure up. Please refund us $Y.” (Like someone else said, the worst they can do is say no. But this is also similar to the problems women often have in negotiating and working for themselves–you have to know your own worth, or the worth of the service you got.)

          • Sara

            I would add as well, be specific with your complaints when he asks. Because as far as you know, in his mind, he was killing it. Being explicit – not in a mean way of course – will be beneficial to him if wants to continue DJing but also help strengthen your argument that you should be compensated.

          • ElisabethJoanne

            What’s fair is what will make you content with the situation. Depending on how important the cake was to me, I might want a fairly large replacement cake I could plan a big dinner party around. Or I might be content with a dozen cupcakes – something, like an anniversary cake, to create a new, better memory.

            I can’t help with the DJ. Maybe the price of concert tickets or a night of clubbing?

            Don’t tell the businesses your thinking, but I do think that this is a good approach to dispute resolution – figuring out how to make a happy “replacement” memory.

    • Emily

      First, congratulations!!

      I’d leave mediocre / terrible reviews. Or try to get a refund from the DJ and leave a lukewarm review if they listen to your concerns and try to make it right somehow.

    • anonpsu

      I think asking for a refund/demanding a refund could be difficult legally in terms of the DJ. As long as he didn’t violate the terms of your contract, I think you are out of luck. You could try to do that with the cake baker if the cake flavors were in your contract. This probably isn’t something you would want to go to small claims court over. On the other hand…it never hurts to ask. I would leave them bad reviews though.

    • Amy A.

      Did your cake vendor do anything to try to make it right? Our caterer served us a cake with nuts in it after our order said “All dishes nut free” at the top, but when they discovered that apologized profusely and afterwards they sent us a check for the price of that cake. If someone asked me what I thought of my caterer, I’d still give them an overall positive review, but I would mention that if they had food allergies or special requests they’d need to be vigilant (which most people with allergies are used to anyway). As for the DJ, like others have said, if he didn’t violate your contract bad reviews may be your only option (and it sounds like he did a poor enough job to deserve one). Sorry to hear about those things but I hope the rest of your day was wonderful!

      • Alyssa M

        I definitely think trying to fix the problem is a MAJOR step towards good service in the first place… every vendor makes mistakes at least once… how they handle them when they do shows their true colors.

        • Amy A.

          Couldn’t agree more. Plus, for me, it’s all about the experience/transaction as a whole; on balance, did they do a good job? Then maybe ask for something to make up for the mistake, but don’t let that overwhelm your feelings about them or the service they provide, especially if they take that chance to make you a more satisfied customer.

    • Alyssa M

      I totally think asking for a refund is in order. And possibly some bad reviews. I would even ask for a partial refund from your bakery (I’m betting the wrong flavors probably broke your contract, if you had one?) Maybe I’m just a jerk though…

    • Guest

      While I agree with other comments that leaving reviews is helpful for others, please just be careful in your phrasing so that the vendor can’t, in term, come after you for defamation.

      • JDrives

        Yes. I’d add that it would be helpful to review the contract. That might illuminate any terms that deal with defamation and/or refunding/unhappiness with service.

    • Violet

      Happy Two Weeks! Just a note if you decide to leave poor reviews. I’ve read a few things lately about companies suing people for bad reviews (in the name of libel, defamation, etc.). I’d definitely at least reach out to the vendors first to let them know where your dissatisfaction stemmed from, and give them the chance to make it right (whatever that would mean). If you still post a negative review, keep it VERY objective. So, your example of “They forgot we pre-paid, which resulted in additional phone calls the morning of the wedding” is good, whereas, “It was so inconvenient and stressful because I had to be on the phone the entire morning of my wedding day, sorting it out.” would be not as good.

    • Valerie Day

      My sister-in-laws cake didn’t arrive through a fluke illness on the part of the baker (cake was made, and she literally slept through their entire wedding..?). They had to hustle dessert, and had no idea why the cake was mia. The baker felt terrible. She now makes them the most amazing carrot cake every year for their anniversary. I think it was the best mistake ever made. The DJ probably needs bad reviews. SAVE a future bride! Sorry, that sounds so upsetting!

  • Laura C

    Tomorrow is moving day. Last night I looked at A and said “we’re moving, I had a stressful week at work, you’re studying for the bar, and we’re having a wedding for nearly 250 in six weeks, but we still like each other. I feel like that’s a good sign.” He was like “but you’re annoyed with me.” “Well, yeah, of course. Did you miss all that stressful stuff going on? Do you know how tired I am, and how much pain I’m in from packing? But I still like you. You still made me laugh while we were packing when you were singing ‘You Are My Sunshine’ in an Indian accent. We’re doing well, really.”

    • JDrives

      We’ve also had this moment a few times over the last (hectic, stressful, sad) few months. Warm fuzzies!

    • EF

      ughhh wedding planning AND studying for the bar!? AND MOVING!? good luck guys, have an internet hug.

  • Fiona

    Very, very sad and frustrated. My fiance and I got engaged two years ago.
    The Dominican government took his citizenship away 9 months ago (along with 210,000 other children of Haitians).
    We bribed and wheedled until he got Haitian citizenship 7 months ago.
    We applied for a US visa 6 months ago.
    I got to see him for the first time in 6 months over Memorial Day weekend for three days.
    I contacted my senator’s office a month ago to see why the visa process wasn’t moving.

    We cancelled the wedding (August 9th) this week.
    Dammit I don’t even care about the wedding anymore. I just want to be together!

    • Jessica

      Argh, that sounds so frustrating and heartbreaking! I’m so sorry!

    • YOQ

      Oh Fiona, I’m so sorry. Lots of virtual hugs to you.

    • Laura C

      I’m so sorry. Contacting your senator’s office was a great idea. Maybe your other senator and also your House member? And are you trying their DC office or district office? The latter can actually be better.

      But mostly just…sorry.

    • swarmofbees

      Oh no!! That is so horrible! I hope you get the visa soon so you can be together again for good this time.

    • JSwen

      Oh…. so sorry to hear that. I’ve been following your story (via your comments) and hoped this would work out for you. A college friend of mine had to move to Canada (she’s from the USA, he’s from Argentina) to be with her husband until his US visa came through. I hope you don’t have to do something that drastic to be with him but I know that it worked out for them in the end.

      • Fiona

        My fiance’s Haitian now, so the backup plan is to move to French Canada….
        I’ll keep updating!

        • http://cuvikingadventures.blogspot.ca/ Jenny/Adventures Along the Way

          Where? Montreal?

          • Fiona

            Yup that’s the one.

    • River

      I’m so sorry to hear this :-( Hugs, lots of virtual hugs! And I second what someone else said about reaching out to your elected officials – if you need people to sign a petition, I volunteer the APW Happy Hour community!

      • Fiona

        Thank you! That is very kind. I wish that would work!

      • JDrives

        I’d sign that in a heartbeat.

    • jashshea

      Oh, Fiona! I’m so sorry! Sending positive love & light.

    • Meg

      Visa process takes a loooong time sadly. Ours took 13 months.

    • Lisa

      Oh, no!! I am so, so sorry to hear that. Sending so many good thoughts and prayers your way.

    • vegankitchendiaries

      This is putting the planning woes in perspective.

      So sorry to hear this, Fiona. My heart is truly breaking for you… I hope those wheels are greased for you and your fiance soon. :(

    • JDrives

      I’m sorry to hear this :( I’ve also been following your story here and on your (lovely!!!) blog. Ah, so frustrating!! Sending positive thoughts your way and praying you’ll be together with your love soon.

    • Sparkles

      I read “Committed” by Elizabeth Gilbert while I was getting wedding ready. She deals with some similar issues in the book. You should read it, because she makes some very insightful points about weddings, and also because it might be a comfort to see how they worked through it.

      Good luck. Long distance is the pits, and long distance without some foreseeable end must be soo much worse.

    • http://cuvikingadventures.blogspot.ca/ Jenny/Adventures Along the Way

      I’m am sorry to hear this. Immigration is so hard. And scary when you have the possibility of not being able to live in the same country as your partner. :( I hope that things work out for the visa quickly…

    • http://cafeaubride.blogspot.com/ Catherine

      Fiona, I am so sorry to hear about this. (I have been meaning to get back to you!) That all sounds like such a headache and a heartache. I truly hope this gets worked out ASAP. thinking of you xx hang in there.

  • Jessica

    UGH YOU GUYS. I was freaking robbed yesterday. In my office. While trying to not let the guys in–while still trying to be polite because that’s my job. They literally pushed passed me, grabbed my work computer and phone, then ran out the back door. I wasn’t hurt and I did try to push them out the door, but holy shit it was scary and frustrating and now I don’t have a phone for all pride weekend! Argh!!!!!!

    • YOQ

      Jessica, how awful! So glad you are physically okay–hugs as you bounce back from the scare and the frustration. Enjoy the weekend (even without a phone)!

    • Emily

      That’s terrible! So sorry that happened to you.

    • Emily

      That is awful! I’m sorry that you experienced that. (I’m different from the Emily below, btw).

    • JDrives

      Ugh, awful!! Theft can feel sooo violating even when you are not physically harmed (which, I’m glad to hear you were not).

    • http://cafeaubride.blogspot.com/ Catherine

      Oh my goshhhh!! That sounds so terrifying. Wow I am so glad you weren’t hurt.

  • aldeka

    In-laws’ visit: Done. Guest list: Cut. Save-the-dates: Mostly sent. (And people who I wasn’t expecting to come have been pinging me about them enthusiastically, which is warm fuzzies.) Wedding planning wise, I’m feeling good!

    Now just continuing to wait for my fiancé’s employer to make a damn decision on whether they’re sending him to China for a month or not. (He was originally supposed to go tomorrow, but then the CEO started waffling. It’s not *logistically* that big a deal for us since we don’t have pets or kids, but, what if we did! And emotionally it’s just…argh.)

  • kacaudad

    RE: The legal issues around Boulder, Colorado starting to issue marriage licenses.

    Similar to Colorado, WI also recently had legislation relating to a ban on same-sex marriages being illegal (but not quite legal, either). Some of the county courts decided to issue same-sex marriage licenses for about a week, then the decision went back on hold per the judge’s decision and the legal process… there were about 500 same-sex couples that got married during that week. Now the legalization of those marriages is in question.

    More info here:
    http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2014/06/13/wisconsin-same-sex-marriages-put-on-hold/

    And here:
    http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2014/06/13/wisconsin-gay-marriage/10500293/

    • JSwen

      So frustrating. I was a Wisconsinite for my first 22 years and this story is just awful. The state was the Progressive leader of the nation at one point in time. To see what is happening now is just heartbreaking.

  • lildutchgrrl

    For the first time in a bunch of years (like, I went to my first SF Pride when I was 6), I have no obligations for Pride Weekend! No marching, no performing, no volunteering, no shouting, no loudspeakers, no drunken partiers on every side, not even church or a quiet potluck. So no need to be anywhere on time despite Muni’s inevitable horridness during the crush. I am OVER the crowds. Tomorrow my wife and I will be visiting my folks and having a nice time grilling out; on Sunday I might be helping a friend move some furniture around in prep for a painting project. Wheeeeee!

  • nikki

    Can we give some props to Indiana court system for finding the state ban on same-sex marriage to be unconstitutional! I’m a transplant to the Indiana area, but I’m so proud of the state for turning over the ban! Especially considering this state doesn’t even let you buy alcohol on Sundays because of conservative attitudes, I just can’t believe this happened here!

    • Emily

      Hooray!

    • leafygreen

      Yay for that, boo for this: http://www.wthr.com/story/25869233/2014/06/25/indiana-attorney-general-responds-to-same-sex-marriage-ruling

      I do hope the ruling sticks! With so many states overturning bans lately, it’s hard to imagine it won’t…but as you say, Indiana is stubborn with those conservative attitudes.

      • nikki

        Yea, I feel like that’s par for the course, unfortunately. BUT, some nice commenter on that post gave the number of the attorney general’s office so you can lend your support.

        “317-232-6201.
        Attorney General.
        Call. Press 1 for English. Press 5 for the Operator.

        You don’t even have to leave your name if you aren’t comfortable with it. They are recording “appeal” and “don’t appeal” phone calls.”

        I got really confused about which one supported gay marriage (appeal or not appeal), but told him that I support same-sex marriage. The guy was super friendly, and it took like 30 seconds to lend support!

        • leafygreen

          Ah, cool. Thanks. :)

          I tend to skip reading comments on most websites, especially on topics like this (because what the general internet public has to say is sometimes greatly disheartening…), so I didn’t see that!

    • Lisa

      I am so excited for my home state!! My Facebook wall has blown up with messages over the past few days of couples getting married at the courthouses (and of maps telling people which counties are and are not complying with the ruling). This makes me happy because I think, if this is upheld, the state legislature won’t be able to put the same-sex marriage ban on the ballot like they keep talking about doing.

    • Alyssa

      And a federal court decision for Utah came almost simultaneously! I’m a gay married Hoosier in SLC. Wednesday was a great day! Both still have legal battles to come, but still good news.

      From the IN ruling: “The court has never witnessed a phenomenon throughout the federal court system as is presented with this issue. In less than a year, every federal district court to consider the issue has reached the same conclusion in thoughtful and thorough opinions – laws prohibiting the celebration and recognition of same-sex marriages are unconstitutional. It is clear that the fundamental right to marry shall not be deprived to some individuals based solely on the person they choose to love. In time, Americans will look at the marriage of couples such as Plaintiffs, and refer to it simply as a marriage – not a same-sex marriage. These couples, when gender and sexual orientation are taken away, are in all respects like the family down the street. The Constitution demands that we treat them as such. Today, the “injustice that [we] had not earlier known or understood” ends.Windsor, 133 S. Ct. at 2689 (citing Marriage Equality Act, 2011 N.Y. Laws 749). Because “[a]s the Constitution endures, persons in every generation can invoke its principles in their own search for greater freedom.” Lawrence, 539 U.S. at 579.”

      • Sarah E

        Thanks for sharing that! Sticking it in my “ceremony inspiration” doc.

  • Megan
    • Alyssa M

      I honestly think there was one picture taken like that, that floated around pinterest and a handful of copycats who posted online as well (and some porn, according to jezebel)

      Burgeoning half-trend indeed… maybe even less than that…

    • Lauren from NH

      Why am I not surprised…
      I think sometimes sex positivity and acting like a stripper for mens attention can get confused. Like for some brides I think they approach budoir photoshoots as a way to keep their husbands from cheating or looking at porn, which you shouldn’t need to act like a porn star to have a monogomous relationship. No judgement on budior shoots generally, but I have concerns about getting hyper sexed up for an audience rather than yourself. I have seen a picture floating around Pinterest of a groom lifting the back of the bride’s dress to expose the garter she is wearing, the dynamic gets creepy and patriarchal real fast.

      • JDrives

        Man, that is a bummer re: some women’s approaches to boudoir. I’m planning on a boudoir session as a gift both to my partner *and* to myself (get glammed up, shimmy into sexy clothes that make me feel amazing and strut around having pictures taken? Sold.) I would never view that as an infidelity-prevention method, more like another facet to our already awesome sex life.

        • Lauren from NH

          Not sure if it is in the budget now since weddings are whoa! expensive but I was really excited to do a couples budoir shoot with my sweetie as a way to celebrate intimacy in our relationship and because I think bodies are beautiful. Totally with you on reveling in an awesome sex life.

          • JDrives

            Oh! A joint shoot! I’d never thought of that – totally brilliant. I hope you’re able to do it with your honey and that you have a great time!!

        • Crayfish Kate

          This is exactly why I did my boudoir shoot! It was for ME, b/c I’d always wanted to do something fun like that, and FH getting an album of the photos was just a bonus. Put it this way, if I were totally single & not dating anyone, I’d still do it. It was rad. :-D

      • JDrives

        Although now that I think of it – there really isn’t a male equivalent of the boudoir shoot. So I think I see your point re: the patriarchal piece of boudoir (if that’s what you were getting at).

    • http://www.blackgirlunlost.com Jubi The Great

      Everything on Pinterest shouldn’t be done. I’d be mortified if a bride asked me to do this, or if one of my bridesmaids suggested this to me. Just tacky!

    • Emily

      That is so ridiculous I almost forgot how to spell the friggin word! Ick.

  • http://www.blackgirlunlost.com Jubi The Great

    Did anyone here use Appy Couple for their wedding website? I’m leaning towards using it mostly for the website but I like the coolness of having an app for our tech savvy guests as well.

    I also discovered Postable last night, immediately signed up and sent the link to a bunch of folks. We have addresses!

    *Edited cause apparently I already have bride brain and can’t spell

    • JSwen

      I went with mywedding.com which does have an app for guests to post pictures and see minimal info. It was really easy if you aren’t too particular about the look of the site.

    • Nicole

      We’re using Appy Couple (getting married in 6 weeks!) because my FH wanted something other than the websites he had seen. Loading groups into the site was kind of a pain, but pretty minor. The people who have visited our site or app have said that it is AMAZING and they really really love it. For some reason, we’ve had a few weird things with it (i.e. people are requesting access even though the privacy settings shouldn’t require it, a few people emailed that they had trouble RSVP’ing and reached out to us).

      But it seems like they’re working on things so it is probably getting better and better. You can check if individual guests have accessed the site or app but there’s not an easy to way to tell if everyone has and I would guess only about half have. Our RSVP deadline is this week – while we know for sure from 75% of people because we’ve been keeping track as they tell us, only about 45% have logged onto the site and RSVP’d. It works fine for us because we’re keeping track somewhere else.

      Bottom line – I really like it and our friends who used it have really liked it too. It was pretty easy and has met our needs. But I wouldn’t go out and say I think it is the most magical thing ever either. :)

    • Nell

      I’m using Appy Couple – we haven’t used the RSVP function yet, but so far the design has been very flexible and easy to use. I especially like that it is mobile-friendly (especially good when guests are on the road trying to find the venue).

    • http://www.nthdegreedesigns.com/blog Seshat

      A friend of mine used it and I believe she was a little frustrated with it (primarily the RSVP side). Plus on my end the email I got with the invite really looked like spam and nearly got deleted. This was about a year ago so it’s possible some of that’s gotten cleaned up since then, but she was a little annoyed with it at the time.

    • Lisa

      We’re using AppyCouple for our wedding web-site and RSVPs. Lawyerette on this site was actually kind enough to send me an e-vite to her wedding so I could test run the RSVP function on my own. What she suggested (in case she doesn’t see this post) is sending out a welcome e-mail, directing to the RSVP section, to help guests with any confusion. We’re planning to time that e-mail so that we send it out the day or two after we send the invitations.

      So far I’ve really liked the interface and found it very easy to understand and use. I like that one can add the widgets to the pages and include maps and directions.

      Very few of our guests don’t have a computer (I think maybe 3?), and I’m hoping they will know to default either to the phone or sending a written response card.

  • Jeanine

    I’ve spent the last week reading Charity & Syliva (The history of an early American same-sex marriage), and have learned so, so much. A wonderful read, highly recommended: http://www.amazon.com/Charity-Sylvia-Same-Sex-Marriage-America-ebook/dp/B00JI2IFH6/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1403896195&sr=8-1&keywords=charity+%26+sylvia+a+same-sex+marriage+in+early+america

  • Emily

    I’m married! As of last Saturday. My wedding day was everything I wished for — more, in fact. I was surprised at the amount of emotion I felt; I actually started crying during my vows (and I don’t cry). I recovered. Part of my wedding was a symbolic sharing of burdens – I carried a pack half way up a hill and then my husband carried it the other part! This makes me happy.

    In other news… I need a job. I am trying hard not to fall into my old patterns of job hunting. I’m hoping to find something writing/editing (even carrying coffee for someone who writes/edits would be okay). Where to look? I know this question is vague, sorry. So is my job hunting. :(

    • Kate

      I do technical writing, which might not be an area you’re looking into. Are you looking at a specific geographic location?

      • Emily

        I live in Colorado– Boulder is a reasonable place for me to work although I don’t live there. I’ve thought about technical writing but I get scared I don’t have the skills. I have had some editing classes, but my degree is in Natural Resources. What are entry level technical writing jobs called? I appreciate your response!

        • Kate

          I have an entry level job tech writing job and they taught me a lot on the job. I definitely didn’t have any background with any sort of tech writing, just editing. The industry trend these days is to label the job as “technical communications”, so maybe try looking for that? My job was literally listed as “Writer”.

          • Emily

            You guys are so incredibly awesome! I’m beginning to feel like this might be possible after all. Thank you! I will search for that. I dealt with this black cloud of the job during the month of June by completely ignoring it and focusing on the wedding, but now I have to be real with myself and you all are making it feel possible!

        • Pbeth

          You can also check out the National Renewable Energy Lab if Golden isn’t too far a jaunt. They may have relevant editing positions and having a science/economics background is definitely a plus!

        • Rebekah

          I don’t know if you’ve already done this, but I’m a U of Denver Publishing Institute grad, so you might consider asking for their list of CO grads to contact, or if you could get on our listserv for job openings. Good luck!

          • Emily

            I didn’t know about the U of Denver Publishing Institute… did you have a good experience? Was it worth it? Looking at it I’m wondering if it is something I should consider for the future. It is expensive but much more reasonable than going for a Masters. I’d love to hear any other thoughts you have. Thank you for letting me know about this.

    • emilyg25

      Do you perchance work in an area with some colleges and universities? Many of them have communications departments that need writers. Even if the don’t have any openings, they might be interested in hiring you for some freelance work.

      And your wedding ritual sounds really cool. Congrats!

      • Emily

        Thank you (yay Emilies!). I still get warm fuzzy feelings when I think about what a wonderful day our wedding was.

        I live near multiple universities– CU, CSU, community colleges, and institutes in Denver. This is a good idea; thank you! I tend to get very intimidated when job hunting… ugh.

        • accidental_diva

          Check higheredjobs.com – because a lot of the colleges post to that and you might find a small college you weren’t aware of- also if you find a college on there check their websites- my mom specifically asks that jobs in her department DON’T get posted on highered because of the influx of resumes (when only one person is reading them you don’t really want 500 applicants). Also don’t discount admissions offices- a lot of them have specific duties – one person who does marketing, one person who handles student workers, one person who coordinates the campus visits- you might find a writing position with that (and yea- 90% of them have to deal with incoming students too but you’d at least get some writing experience on that too)

          • Emily

            Thanks for the website. I’ve been searching online for several hours… and feeling down about finding a job. :(

          • accidental_diva

            Trust me I get that… I’m staring down month 15 of being “between gigs” and have a real job interview tomorrow… it gets both easier and harder but keep going (I spent this weekend organizing and deep cleaning my bedroom and as sore and exhausted it feels really good to have that done).

          • Emily

            Good luck tomorrow!

            I read job announcements and so many of them seem to say “come talk others into buying our sh!t.” I don’t want to do that. ugh.

          • accidental_diva

            OMG I know! I started primarily searching for event planning/logistics and everything I kept finding was “Come be the person who harasses everyone in Costco or in the mall”. No thanks!
            I’m sure you’ve gotten this, but let your friends who live in the area or have family or other friends in the area know you’re looking, this interview is actually from a friend from elementary school who let a friend know I’m looking.
            And indeed.com I get 4 emails from them a day (one for social media marketing, one event planing, one in the area in my salary range, one that’s temp jobs in the area) you can limit every thing from other job titles (apparently event planning comes up in doctor and nurses positions), salary limits, distance, etc.

          • Emily

            That’s a good idea with indeed. Tomorrow is a new day and hopefully a new outlook on this. Good luck with your interview!

    • Nell

      Do you search on mediabistro.com? I found it really helpful when I was job searching.

      • Emily

        I will now! Thank you for very practical advice. This is what I need (but I welcome ANY advice!).

    • http://cafeaubride.blogspot.com/ Catherine

      i’m in a very similar boat as you :) good luck!

      • Emily

        Good luck to you too! We’ll get this figured out. I hope. :)

  • emilyg25

    Do you guys remember the caftan party link that was in the Happy Hour roundup a few weeks ago? Well, I posted it on my Facebook and a couple of friends were excited about it, so I’m having the party on Sunday! We’re having brunch and mimosas and chilling out on my deck in caftans. I cannot tell you how excited I am for this!

  • Woot!

    Our rings are on the APW instagram! Seeing as we met the photographer through an APW contest and found the rings via an APW roundup, this seems like a fun full circle. Very cool.

  • anon

    Just ended our 3rd month of unsuccessfully TTC. I was unprepared for how sad I’d feel at the end of each month. Also, since we haven’t told anyone about our plans it just feels like being sad alone in a bubble. I know 3 months isn’t long by actual standards but it still bums me out.

    • ElisabethJoanne

      That’s rough. Hang in there with your partner!

    • Lindsey d.

      So, it’s not the same community as APW at all, but have you tried the Trying to Get Pregnant forum on the Bump. I learned a lot and found good support. Fair warning — lurk for a while first before introducing yourself and posting to get the lingo and see what is a dumb question or not.

      • anon

        Just a caveat about the online communities: they can provide comfort and info, but can also be completely crazy-making. Remember that the people on the forums are sharing personal experiences (and *not* medical expertise), and that *everyone is different* – if you end up doing treatment, it could be very different from what you’re reading about online, and your symptoms/outcomes could also be very different. I’ve found those forums to be rabbit holes sometimes, giving me new ideas of things to stress and worry about (though it can be helpful to read about others’ experiences and feelings).

        • anon

          Thanks to both of you for the suggestions and caveat!

    • emilyg25

      Do you have a friend or relative that you might confide in? Having someone else to cry with or be distracted by was so helpful to me.

      • anon

        I’ve been sort of reluctant since I 1. don’t want to hear about how easy it was for them to have kids or 2. I imagine them watching me from here on out and having to tell them what’s going on. In reality my friends are really lovely and would be nothing but supportive, so it would probably be way more helpful than my anxious imaginings suggest. Thanks!

        • emilyg25

          It definitely depends on the friend! If one more person said, “It will happen when you least expect it!” I think I would have slapped them. I’m sorry you’re in this situation, and I hope it resolves itself soon.

        • anon

          I’m deep into TTC, and have only told a handful of people, which I think has been the right move (a lot of the TTC sites/books say that most women end up wishing they’d told fewer people). Well-meaning friends are going to ask you how things are going (perhaps more often than you want!), and are going to want updates if you end up doing interventions/procedures. There is also the risk of people giving you well-meaning but unwanted advice and sharing personal horror stories. We just did an unsuccessful intervention, and it was killer telling the few loved ones that knew – they were so sad for us, and even though their love and encouragement meant everything, it was hard to know that they were experiencing the same pins and needles and disappointment. That said, the few people we have told have been amazing, and underscored how lucky we are to have them in our lives. I hope your TTC process is super short! Good luck!

    • Gina

      Oh man, I feel you. We’re only on month 2 and I’m like, “how do people DO this for years on end?!” And it feels like you have this big secret that no one around you knows but your life could be about to change forever. I don’t know what to tell you except … you’re not alone. <3

    • Jennie

      Internet hugs to you. I also second finding at least one person to confide in. Perhaps a friend that you know is good at listening and not interjecting their opinions/experiences? I was so glad to have a person I could talk to after my period started and during the two week wait, which for me, was the hardest part.

  • Molly Kopuru

    I have another job interview on Tuesday!! I’m hoping for this to work out. I’m temping for the time being which is a good short-term solution but isn’t consistent or very fulfilling. I’m ready for a job where I can grow with a company.

    Funnily enough, I interviewed for a different position with this company when we came out to look for apartments in late April. I was convinced they didn’t select me because I bombed the interview in my sleep-deprived state (early morning flights are no joke) or some other reason. Seems like it wasn’t for that reason at all. When the employee called the other day to schedule, she seemed really excited that I hadn’t found a job yet. I am SO glad they remembered me and want me to come back in. The company seems great, and I Would be honored to get to work forv

    • Sara P

      Yay! Good luck!

  • Sara P

    The half-marathon was really fun! And watching the marathoners after us was super cool, too. If you’re thinking about one, do it! :) Getting done was a really great feeling (though it hurt a lot more than I thought it would). Thanks for the positive thoughts last week!

    • april

      Congrats! I love hearing/reading about people’s first-time marathon experiences. I’ve been thinking about doing a sprint triathlon in September …

      • Lindsey d.

        April – I loved the sprint tris I’ve done. You should definitely go for it!

      • Sara P

        Thanks! Let us know how the sprint tri goes!

  • kris

    Question/vent: Can anyone give me some insight into seating arrangements? I have read and re-read APW’s seating advice but the issue I’m dealing with is appeasing our families. Splitting 175 guests into tables of 8 is not easy, and I’m getting requests on both sides to cram as many people as possible into a table. My fiance and I finally thought we came up with a good plan that has even spacing but it separates a few parents from their adult children. We think this is fine (and maybe even fun!) but my mother is totally against it. Then when I ask if she has better ideas, she reverts to sticking 11 at a table… I’m trying to explain that it’s 1 hour and no one will experience separation anxiety, and it’s the ONLY way we’ve been able to manipulate the chart so that our venue will accept it. Blah can’t wait till this is resolved!

    • Ellen

      We’ve been working on seating arrangements for the past few days. I split some parents from their adult children as well. The harder part for us was that we have some large groups of friends that ended up being split among 2 or 3 tables. We compromised by having their tables be in close proximity to one another- my idea is that they might end up talking over the backs of chairs with one another. Deep breaths!

      • kris

        Yep this is in our plan too. If they can’t sit together, they’re close at least =)

      • Granola

        I’ve been separated from my parents at every adult family wedding I’ve been to, and never thought it was weird.

    • anonpsu

      Just stop sharing the seating chart with your mother. Finish up the seating chart, hand it over the to the caterer (you can fib and tell her that they needed the final one already), and tell her that it’s already done with!

      • kris

        Yes, I think this may end up being what we ultimately do. At the end of the day, it’s my and my fiance’s decisions as adults and we’ve been as fair as possible!

    • Alyssa M

      Totally my personal preference, but split them up! I think sometimes there is a tendency for families to create a little sub-party isolated away from everybody else, when part of the fun of a wedding is meeting and hanging out with other people!

      At my sister’s reception there was no assigned seating, it was more of a cocktail reception without the cocktails… but my father’s extended family clumped 15 people at a table for 8 in the back corner and avoided everybody else… it was sad…

      • kris

        I agree, and the people who we’ve seated together we’ve made sure are outgoing, friendly people so everyone at the table enjoys each other’s company. No misfit tables at our wedding!

    • ElisabethJoanne

      One rationale you can give to your mother is that if too many people from one family are assigned to one table or area, and they can’t come, it’s a big hole, rather than if those seats are spread out. We had a couple families who couldn’t come last-minute (twins born, car stolen). They were seated together, and you can see the gaps in our photos.

      Also, if I had to do it over, I would have broken up families even more, because another thing is that if one family of 6 adults is 6 of 8 seats at a table, with a couple filling it up, and that family doesn’t come, then that couple is sitting alone, which is even more sad than an empty table. I’d have broken up families of adults rather than risk people sitting alone.

    • april

      My grandmother actually has a rule with dinner parties/family events (including Thanksgiving!) that married couples can’t sit next to one another, because “It kills conversation!” and “They get to talk to one another all the time.” We followed a similar, though far less drastic, tactic when we did our wedding seating plan – making sure each guest had at least one person at their table that they knew well and one person that they didn’t know at all (we kept couples together, though). It seemed to work out really well! Plus it’s a kind of magical wedding moment when you see your best friend from high school bonding with your husband’s cousin over a shared love of theater :)

      • StevenPortland

        I have that same rule whenever we have others over for dinner. I never let the couples sit next to each other for that reason.

      • Sparkles

        I have a friend who goes to a lot of fancy events and weddings, and she vetoed the splitting couples up thing, because she hates not knowing people. I really like the idea of mixing up people who do and do not know each other, though.

    • JSwen

      I asked all parents if there was one person or couple that they absolutely had to sit by at dinner. That helped me narrow it down while remaining sensitive to their wishes. When my mom had *opinions* about other tables, I just told her my reasoning and thanked her for her advice. It will click for her that it’s only an hour. Give it time. :)

      • Nicole

        This seems like a great idea! We have just started working on our seating chart and I think this will help. We both have huge families and are lucky to have a venue with a mix of table sizes. One side of our family has a large number of adult cousins coming, they will sit together (separate from their parents who will also sit together). We basically are aiming to have everyone have at least one person they know at their table, and are then trying to keep groups together, or filling and split over two tables, so they can have a good reunion.

        • JSwen

          Great plan. Ours worked out well that we have one table for each of our parents and their generation of guests. Then there is a siblings table (mine and my fiance’s together), a couple cousins tables, and a slew of friends tables. I was actually surprised that when I asked the parents, they all wanted to sit by their first cousins or by their friends that were invited. I thought they would want to sit by their kids and grandkids!

  • http://www.nthdegreedesigns.com/blog Seshat

    Ugh… I need a hug. I’ve been sick as dog for most of the week and managed to make one of my best friends super pissed off at me. She posted a bunch of our professional wedding photos to her FB page (I shared our online backup with her so she could see the ones we hadn’t posted since she doesn’t live nearby) and I asked her to take them down because I am a serious introvert and really didn’t love so many personal photos being shared with random people I had never met without my permission (or, ya’know, our photographer’s permission, plus a lot of them were ones we had chosen not post online). Apparently this makes me bitchy and unreasonable. So now not only do I feel physically shitty, but I received a nasty emotional kick in the pants as well….and I really don’t know what to about it.

    Also, that article about the cost of being a bridesmaid makes me really
    sad. I’ve never had a super expensive bridesmaid experience and tried
    hard to keep my friends’ budgets in mind (pick your own dress and shoes,
    no professional hair/makeup required) and really didn’t care about an
    elaborate bachelorette party. Sure, I wanted to celebrate with my girls,
    but quite honestly I would have been perfectly happy with an evening of
    dinner, drinks and paying my own way (one of my friends had the recession-friendly bachlerorette party which involved chilling in the pool at her apartment building with margaritas and then movie night/slumber party–it was a blast!) . It’s sad that there’s such an expectation to drop so much money on these things though.

    • Alyssa M

      You were totally reasonable about the photos thing… She really overstepped a boundary.

    • jashshea

      You are not even 1 iota wrong about the picture thing. People sharing other peoples’ “stuff” on FB makes me CRAZYPANTS.

      • Kelly

        It drives me extra crazy when people share photos of other people’s KIDS on facebook. I have a lot of acquaintances who are teachers who are very guilty of posting classroom photos. I’m sure the parents have no idea.

        • Violet

          Are. You. *gulp* Serious? That happens!???

        • jashshea

          Aunts of mine shared a PICTURE of my brother’s baby within hours of birth. Tagged my brother/SIL in it.

          I was LIVID.

    • Caitlin_DD

      *hugs* You are NOT bitchy and unreasonable, you are very reasonably requesting privacy about one of the most significant events of your life. If she’s really one of your best friends she’ll understand that. And if not, take the back door and report the photos to Facebook.

      • http://www.nthdegreedesigns.com/blog Seshat

        Thanks. She did take them down, but just got really pissy about it so it doesn’t seem like she understands why it bothered me which just hurts.

        • Caitlin_DD

          I’m sorry about that :(

    • emilyg25

      Somebody is being unreasonable here, but it’s not you. Those photos were not hers to share like that. Hopefully, with a little time, your friendship will rebound.

    • ElisabethJoanne

      I’m sorry about that situation with your friend. Meg and others here have written some intelligent stuff about privacy with wedding photos, which might give you some ideas how to respond. And there’s always worrying about the legalities of your photographer’s copyright.

      I didn’t like the Jezebel piece because, apart from showers, I’m not sure there really is an imbalance. We actually paid all my bridesmaids’ expenses because they were so young, but even had they paid, it was comparable to what the groomsmen paid. Their dresses were $30. Their shoes were $25. My bachelorette was camping. Professional hair and makeup were the big expenses. The tuxes, OTOH, were $300, and the bachelor party was at one of those all-you-can-eat Brazilian barbeque places, at least $50/person. And I’m aware of other weddings with similar differences in taste/priority/interests. I don’t think it’s consistently women choosing more-expensive choices and men choosing less-expensive ones.

      • Alyssa M

        This is one of those issues that I think people overgeneralize because every couple is different. My bachelorette party is going to be a slumber party (because damnit, I know I’m too old for slumber parties and this is an excuse to have one anyways!) whereas my partner’s best man is Vegas obsessed and they’ll be doing the whole weekend in a suite thing…

        They kept going on about cheap bachelor parties and I was like “whaaaa?” Around here (4 hours from Vegas) a bachelor party that doesn’t go all The Hangover style is dissapointing…

      • http://www.nthdegreedesigns.com/blog Seshat

        I’d not think it’s necessarily women choosing more expensive options either, but I do think there’s more “stuff” geared towards women– clothes + hair/makeup, bachelorette + shower. Plus most of the marketing for More Stuff also seems directed at women. Do we have to buy into it? No. But plenty of people (men and women) are susceptible to marketing ploys. I just find it unfortunate that some people do expect their wedding party to drop A Lot of money things when they really don’t have too.

        • Kelly

          I find this story really frustrating too, especially because I found that the expectations came from within the bridal party. A few of my bridesmaids were strapped for cash and I didn’t want much. But one rogue bridesmaid kept piling on “expectations” for the shower, they bought way too many supplies (ie booze) for my low-key camping bachelorette party. And the gifts! Apparently I’ve been very stingy in my gift-giving for all of these years.

          • ElisabethJoanne

            I agree that insofar as there’s a problem, it’s a women-problem, not a bride-problem. It’s hard for me to believe that there are a big proportion of brides who unreasonably expect 3 showers or out-of-town bachelorette parties, but I do think that there are lots of women who are confused about what’s normal/expected/reasonable, and what alternatives are available.

          • Erin

            You pinpoint what frustrated me about the article, too. There was no data to back up these claims about multiple showers and cross-country bachelorette getaways. While I have heard of bridal parties taking such trips, I have never been asked to plan one as a bridesmaid, nor do I expect it from my friends. Maybe, as a bride, I am overly sensitive, (I also happen to not be a huge fan of Jezebel) but to me this article felt unproductive. I kind of felt the same way when they linked to the ATP: I Don’t Want to Be Your Bridesmaid post. I just got this feeling that they were more interested in cheering on the letter writer’s anger than passing on Liz’s thoughtful, reasonable advice.

          • Dina

            I think “women-problem” is EXACTLY it. The reason people end up spending so much is probably because 1) people don’t know how to say no, 2) people FEEL that they cannot say no (call it a lot of pressure), 3) sometimes we just aren’t cognizant of how everything adds up over a 12-18 month engagement. Usually it ISN’T brides who are demanding these things. But at the same time…it can be hard to be a bride and tell your friend – “seriously, we don’t need all these things” because it might hurt the host/gifter’s feelings.

            I frankly think that women, more so than men, don’t get enough practice in clear communication and boundary-setting. A wedding is the ultimate recipe for disaster if you don’t have both of those things.

    • Fiona

      My little sister is social-media obsessed and an over-sharer, so I understand your struggle. Did you explain why it makes you uncomfortable? I’ve done that a bit when I want things to keep private, and it usually works. Even if she doesn’t agree with me, she respects that.
      I think it’s an absolutely reasonable request.

      • http://www.nthdegreedesigns.com/blog Seshat

        Yeah, I did explain why it made made me uncomfortable, but it didn’t seem like she really understood where I was coming from. She did take them down, she just seems to be pissed about it. I’m afraid to reach out to try and smooth things over because while I feel bad if there was any misunderstanding, I do think she was out of line for getting really snappy about it… and that’s a conversation I have no clue how to handle.

        • Fiona

          What did she say about it?
          I’d say if she already has the information, let it blow over a little bit. I totally understand that it was upsetting. Those are YOUR photos. If you give her some time to get over it a little, she may understand your perspective better or just not feel so emotional about it.

          • Lauren from NH

            I would second that. Sometimes realizing how wrong you were is so embarassing you need to sulk for a while before doing the grown up thing and apologizing.

          • http://www.nthdegreedesigns.com/blog Seshat

            That’s pretty much what I’m doing at the moment.

            She had told me I was being “really bitchy” and that “weddings were about pictures” and she was just trying to share a moment. I realize that she didn’t post anything out of malice, and I wasn’t even angry with her for posting the photos, just really caught off guard! If she had wanted to share in the weddings happies she could have hit share from my album, or posted photos she took herself. There are times when I really hate the interwebs :/

    • Sarah

      Please understand that she is the one being unreasonable. Her sharing probably came from an excited-for-you place, and she maybe feels like you shot it down. I’m guessing it tapped into some of her own life shit. But it sounds like you were reasonable and totally within your rights. My guess is she will realize the error of her ways in a little bit.

      I also was saddened/stressed out by the bridesmaid cost article (see my comment somewhere far below). My girls have to travel for my wedding, and I feel bad about it. That bachelorette party with the pool and margs and movies sounds amazing!

  • River

    So, I just wanted to say thank you to everyone here who chimed in with advice about what to wear for our engagement photos. It was so helpful – I ended up getting a super cute, cheap dress from Forever 21 that made me feel happy :-) and pairing it with the awesome shoes I wore in my best friend’s wedding…

    HOWEVER, the reason I’m not attaching a preview pic to this? Our photoshoot was rescheduled :-( the morning it was supposed to happen, our photographer (and her kid!) got really sick. Fingers crossed that they are well and everything works out for next week! The company we hired her through was really helpful and when I asked the account manager what could be done to ameliorate the situation- he offered us a really great solution. Makes me feel very much reassured about our choice of a corporate/local artist combo for the wedding!! :-)

  • JDrives

    UBER WEDDING!! BEST THING EVER!! I am so happy to support that business!!

  • Meigh McPants

    Friiiidaaaay! I don’t have a wedding this weekend, so I get to have a real-life weekend! We’re going to work on the zillion home-improvement projects we have and then put out the lawn furniture, make some tea and chill out. I am SO excited for this.

  • Nic

    My fiance vetoed the music I wanted for the processional last night. I picked this music when I was 12 and have been excited about walking down the aisle to it for over half my life. I’m so bummed right now. :(

    • River

      Did he give a reason?

      • Nic

        He thinks it’s not wedding-appropriate because it’s widely recognizable (from Star Wars). But it’s beautiful!

        • leafygreen

          A friend walked down the aisle to the Jurassic Park theme recently. Recognizable, sure, but very her. There was a little talk about it by a couple of guests after, but nothing too bad…and definitely a memorable choice.

          Make sure he’s vetoing because he personally doesn’t want the song, and not because that’s-not-what-you’re-supposed-to-do-for-your-wedding. If it’s the latter and he’s not personally opposed to Star Wars, you may have a hope of convincing him anyway, in the name of making the wedding more about you guys.

        • http://www.wrightremedy.blogspot.com/ Addie

          Have you tried a different arrangement of the music? At my first wedding, I played Metallica in my processional but since it was on a harp and a violin, most people (metal fans excluded) didn’t really recognize it.

        • jashshea

          I processed to Seven Nation Army (done by Vitamin String Quartet). Husband balked initially, but I told him a) it was fun, b) “meaningful” and c) no one would notice.

          People noticed, but only people who knew the song anyway and though it was super cool.

          We recessed to a Cure song. So not super typical.

        • EF

          people do movie music *all* the time. at least two of my friends have done lord of the rings, another is doing a video game song (I wish I could remember what but I don’t), and we’re using ‘married life’ from ‘Up’. Whatever works for you!!

        • Teresa

          My cousin processed in to Star Wars and out to Indiana Jones and everyone thought it was awesome and so them (the also had a robot ring bearer). I think you should definitely question the no response and talk about why its important to you!

          • http://cuvikingadventures.blogspot.ca/ Jenny/Adventures Along the Way

            I’m really curious about the robot ring bearer!

          • Teresa

            One of their friends was in charge of the remote control–everyone thought it was hilarious!

        • JDrives

          Our entrance to the reception will be to the Game of Thrones theme song because the show is important to us, we’re incorporating other GoT elements throughout the wedding, and the music is just boss. I hope you and your fiance can come to an agreement and find a way to incorporate this important song!

    • YOQ

      River’s question is a good one. Also, can you incorporate it somewhere else in your ceremony, or reception, or somewhere?

    • Lauren from NH

      Is this a full veto or a meh no? If there is room for negotiation maybe try to sit him down, play it and try to communicate to him what you love about it and how it gives you the feels. Also can a compromise be struck that you can pick the processional and he can pick the recessional?

      • Lauren from NH

        Sorry didn’t mean to go hetero on you…

      • Nic

        I will do this; thanks for the advice! I was just so upset that I got a flat out “No way!” as his initial response. He rarely says no to anything so that means he really, really dislikes the idea.

    • Nell

      My fiancee has vetoed several songs I had secretly really, really wanted for the first dance. I had to take a deep breath and remember that we’re getting married to each other – and if the song is not meaningful or right to her, then it isn’t meaningful or right for us.

      • JSwen

        Funny, mine just did a “meh” at my entire spotify playlist of slow dance songs until he had a little THEWEDDINGISIN5WEEKS! meltdown last weekend. Then he listened through the list again and found several of the gems I like. We’re thinking “Hysteric” by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs for the first dance. I want to learn rumba for it!

        • Sarah E

          America Rumba is pretty easy to learn. The basic is a box step (literally, your feet step in four corners). The only tricky part is adding turns and getting back to the box, but once you have the box step down pat, you just step in place til you catch the correct foot again. Plus, American Rumba timing is widely applicable to many slow songs. Have fun!

    • http://www.wrightremedy.blogspot.com/ Addie

      This might be a time when NO is not a full sentence. If it’s an important song for you, his answer needs qualifiers. Is it no because it’s not wedding-y enough to him? It was his crazy ex-girlfriends favorite song? The lyrics don’t speak to him? He thinks people will be horrified if it isn’t the bridal march or Canon in D? That way you can find out if there is room for compromise or you can sway him your way.

      I told Skully he didn’t get to pick the processional because that was the song I needed to hear before I walked down the aisle. But since he gets to pick his own processional song, it is a pretty fair deal.

    • AnnDee

      One of the few things I really wanted for my wedding was The Throne Room from Star Wars for the recessional. We’d previously talked about it, but in the end it was a flat no. Thanks to the friend who was singing during our signing, I still got Star Wars – an arrangement of Cantina Band for a small dixie group while our witnesses did their thing. Not quite what I had wanted, but it made me so happy that my friends and partner cared enough to come to a compromise that we were all happy with. The recessional ended up being the music from Tetris, so I’m still not entirely sure what the issue was with Star Wars :)

  • Erin J.

    Hi! I’ve been lurking for about 6 months, after binge-reading the archives over the Christmas break. Posting this week because as of last Saturday, I’m engaged! Looking at a summer 2015 wedding in my future in-laws’ backyard. Mostly it’s just nice to be able to tell family and friends the good news and finally start planning (we had long pre-engaged period). I’m already so grateful for all the planning essays on APW.

    • Lisa

      Congratulations to you and your fiancé!! That’s very exciting. :)

  • Carrie

    Dress drama: The size 18 samples I tried on in January (when I ordered it) all fit perfectly, so I ordered my custom dress in the same size. Now that it’s here it’s AMAZING, but only zips up halfway. I still have 10 weeks before my Sept. 6th wedding, am I completely insane for thinking I can lose enough weight to fit in the thing on time? My mom doesn’t think I can (super supportive, right?) and wants me to have the top let out, but I already spent more than I wanted to on it and I don’t even want to know how much it would cost for that kind of alteration. I need to lose weight anyway, and I’m hoping 10-15 lbs will be enough to cover the difference between the (I’m assuming) stretched out sample and my shiny new dress. I know it’s risky, but I’m begging the internet for reassurance anyway.
    Happy Friday everyone!

    • Fiona

      Is there any chance you can get it in a size that fits? That sounds like a lot of stress and pressure to put on yourself on top of the final stretch of wedding planning…

      • Carrie

        Not really, it was one of those special order things that took almost 6 months to get. Neckline of one dress with the middle and bottom of another. And I don’t have the money to order another one, anyway. :/

        • Fiona

          Then I think the other comments are much better advice!

    • StevenPortland

      I try not to interject on weight or body issues since I’m a guy, but I wouldn’t even consider trying to lose 10-15 pounds in just 10 weeks. Sure it is possible, but you will be entirely stressed out by it the entire time. Of course, here I am 6 weeks out from our reception and fearful of trying on my suit this weekend in hopes that it will still fit. But of course, if you do decide to lose the weight, that’s OK as well.

      • Nic

        I lost 15 pounds in 2 weeks. Not on purpose (I had surgery) but it IS possible. I know I’m gaining it back now, and it’s certainly not a healthy way to do it, but to fit into a wedding dress when you’ve already blown your budget? I’d do it!

        • ElisabethJoanne

          I’ve read recommendations of 1-2 lbs/week for people without other health issues wanting to lose weight. Bigger people can lose weight faster; smaller people can’t lose weight as fast – and still be healthy.

    • JSwen

      Talk to a seamstress to find out what is possible and what is fantasy. They do this for a living and may have access to forms for stretching the dress or have anecdotal advice regarding the weight loss.

      Either way, a seamstress will help you figure it out. And if the first one you go to makes you feel bad about the situation, go find a different seamstress who is friendly and understanding!

      • JSwen

        PS – I had my first fitting this week as well and when I sent pictures to my mom, her words were, “no snacking until after the wedding, honey!”

        So you could have gotten that as her response. :)

        • YOQ

          Oh geez. Our marriage counselor told us a month ago: no (more) dieting. We’re not dieting anyway, so nbd. But I think she’s right: this is not the time to be anxious about body shape/size/weight.

      • Carrie

        I have an appointment on Tuesday with a seamstress that I’ve had multiple people recommend, BUT she takes 4 weeks off every year and this year they’re in July and August… So hopefully she can help me out. I swear the dress is the only stress I’ve had in this entire process, and that’s with planning over email from 900 miles away.

        • JSwen

          Well if she can’t actually do the work, at least she can give you good advice! Goodluck!

    • YOQ

      This also seems like something to talk about with the people who made the dress–it seems like their sample sizes should track pretty closely with their actual sizes.

      • JSwen

        Maybe you could get them to pay for the alterations? Though I’m pretty sure I signed a release that the boutique wasn’t responsible for the fit of my dress.

        • Carrie

          There was something like that in my sales contract, too, and the boutique doesn’t do in-house alterations, so those are all up to me to figure out anyway.

          • YOQ

            I dunno, I still think it would be worth a conversation. They might have some helpful suggestions, at the very least. And surely they would want to know that their sample sizes are leading people to order the wrong size? (But I bought my dress at Macy’s, off the rack, in the dress department, so I am *not* experienced in this area.)

          • Carrie

            They recommended the size, since the samples fit and the measurements they took fit with that. The conversation when I picked it up (which is when I tried it on) was mostly about alterations, etc. Their view is that they’re not responsible for the fit once it’s been ordered, and for all they know I went and gained a bazillion pounds since then. I didn’t, but that’s neither here nor there.

          • Hannah B

            2 things: 1) on the salon’s ordering: the sample size shouldn’t have been a consideration when ordering the dress, as they DO stretch, especially lace, though perhaps the sizing became an issue because you ended up doing a mix and match thing with two dresses, which sometimes mean they don’t have a pattern for it. Measure the dress to see if it matches the measurements they say they ordered based on. Remeasure yourself to see where you fall now. Or don’t, because you signed the release and it is unlikely they will let you say you are unhappy afterwards, and just get it altered. Wedding dresses are designed/made to be altered!

            2) if it’s just the top, a corset back is probably the easiest solution. It’s not worth trying to lose a bunch of weight unless you KNOW from past experience you lose it straight from your boobs and not your butt or face or whatever (not that you could lose 10 lbs from your face!). Keep in mind that your ribs are not going anywhere, so if it fits at the waist and just doesn’t quite close, either have the seamstress let out the side seams, or swap out the zipper for a corset back. Ask what’s cheaper. Not to get too personal, but consider where you are in your monthly cycle. I wear the same bridal size as you do and I tend to fluctuate almost a full cup size during that time. So that could help! And if you are wearing a strapless bra, TAKE IT OFF. Those things almost always suck and if your dress is too tight up top, it will hold up your boobs, right? Probably better than a strapless could. Especially if there is boning in the dress (even if it is strapless).

            As to cost, it depends on your area. My bridesmaids dress cost 50 bucks to open up the side seam and take it in, in Pittsburgh. Bust adjustments can be like $200 here in NYC. It gets more expensive if your dress has lace over the seam, if there is tons of rouching, etc. I’d say getting it altered is totally worth it because stressing out about ten pounds (which only equals 1 inch!) makes your life unpleasant when you have more important things to focus on. Also, if you lose ten lbs, what if it fits on top but then is baggy in the middle?

            It’s also INSANE to me that a seamstress who does wedding dresses would take off FOUR weeks during wedding season. If it helps, 10 weeks is the perfect amount of time to do tailoring, so don’t even worry about it if she can’t. You can find someone else. Never forget that the tailor cost is a QUOTE and you can shop around. It’s almost a blessing they don’t do alterations in house, because they don’t bundle you into $800 bucks worth of alterations at the outset.

            Definitely see what she can do, and report back if she can’t do it. I am sure the APW crowd can help you find some awesome seamstresses in your area :-)

            Good luck. Take deep breaths. Remember it will all be ok and you could walk down the aisle in a paper bag and your person at the other end would still marry you! In fact, if you wore a paper bag, I am sure APW would love to feature it as the DIY dress of the century ;-)

    • Megan

      Do you know if you have actually gained weight? Even though the samples fit, did the store fit and measure you before ordering? I only ask because I’ve heard samples can run big since they’re worn a lot, so maybe it’s possible the size you ordered doesn’t match the same sample size.

    • jashshea

      Because it’s the top that’s the issue: Seamstresses can do some wonderful…binding with your chest. Talk to the someone who specializes in alterations and see what she says. If it is any consolation, I hated my dress after the first fitting and ended up loving it.

      1/lb a week is feasible if you control diet and exercise, but it’s aggressive (IMO). I’m not a nutritionist or MD, obviously, but it seems stressful to implement that at this point.

    • emilyg25

      I would talk to a seamstress about letting out the top, putting a corset back in, or other options. I wouldn’t want to have to worry about that much weight in relatively little time. Even if you do lose weight, there’s no telling how it will come off your body.

      • JSwen

        Yes! Corset back is the answer! They cut out the zipper and put in a tie up feature. Pretty and practical.

    • Dawn

      My vote: avoid the pressure of having to lose all that weight and hoping it will come off in just the right way to fit the dress. The weeks leading up to your wedding will be stressful enough without that kind of pressure. You’ll be getting closer and closer to the wedding and trying the dress on all the time and trying to gauge whether you’ll make it. Ugh. Sounds awful to me.

      Good luck with whatever you do!

    • Pileofstix

      A pound or so a week is reasonable if you’re willing and able to commit to it. But that’s puts you in a tight (no pun intended) spot. If something happens, you may find yourself not quite there day off and then you will have no options. If you can afford to, get the dress let out and worry about losing the weight after the wedding.

  • StevenPortland

    I laughed a few weeks ago about all of the RSVP drama where people said they were bringing their adult (not invited) children. Well guess what? Happened to me this morning. A couple who I clearly wrote only their names on both the outer and inner envelopes told me today that all four of their children (who all live at home, three of whom are post college) are excited to come. Sure I could have politely explained it to him, but in the big scheme of things it is nice that they want to come so why not. After reading comments today about seating arrangements I think I might mix it up and seat the 3 adult children in different tables. That could be interesting.

    • JSwen

      FOUR ADULT CHILDREN?!

    • ElisabethJoanne

      My parents are those people. The niceties of invitation addressing never sunk in with them. Around law school, I wised up and asked to see the invitation. Then I’d tell them I wasn’t going because I wasn’t invited.

      • snarkyteacher

        My parents and aunts do this also. They were so offended when I “declined” a wedding I wasn’t invited to! Umm…is my name there? No. I don’t live at home and didn’t get an invite at my house. . Therefore…not invited!

        3 of my not invited cousins attended.

    • YOQ

      What JSwen said.

      I like the idea of breaking them up–maybe it’ll give those kids the chance to stretch their wings a bit. But I also like your attitude about this–you’re right to see it as a good thing that they want to come. :) With only one exception, I think, all of our guests at least checked with us before inviting other people, which was really good of them. (Also maybe polite and adult and stuff, but after reading all the RSVP horror stories here, I was not actually expecting that…)

    • Sparkles

      I did that with pretty much all the children that came that were older than toddlers (there’s a pretty well defined break in our families, with kids under 3 and then kids over 10). All the kids over 10 sat at one table, and adult children sat with adult cousins. Because they probably see their parents often enough. We also had an unexpected adult child response, but it was nice to see him.

  • Nicole

    We’re getting married in six weeks! And somewhere in the last week and a half, all my worries and stress disappeared and I just feel like what will happen will happen, what won’t will be fine. We went and got our marriage license this morning so it’s starting to feel real!

    • JSwen

      Great! We are going the Monday before the wedding. It will be a fun way to kick off the Wedding Week festivities. :)

      • Nicole

        I thought it was just something to check off our list, but there was something really surprisingly romantic about the county recorder’s office and paperwork. Even writing it it sounds silly, but it was really lovely! I agree it will be a great way to kick off the wedding week festivities!

  • Kayjayoh

    Married! Honeymooning! Borrowing library wi-fi to catch up on bits of internet and look at the photos people have posted of the wedding! Wee!

    Everything went well, even the things that went wrong. More later! I must go, before I run out of exclamation points.

    (We did have a bout of food poisoning on Tuesday night: lesson learned–wash your blueberries very thoroughly. Very. Then wash them again.)

    • http://www.wrightremedy.blogspot.com/ Addie

      Yay! Congrats!!!!

    • jashshea

      YAH!

    • http://cafeaubride.blogspot.com/ Catherine

      oh my gosh congrats!!!

    • http://cuvikingadventures.blogspot.ca/ Jenny/Adventures Along the Way

      Congrats! And out of curiosity, how does one wash blueberries thoroughly? I usually just kinda rinse them and visually check them out and remove stems. Should I buy some sort of fruit soap? Where would one get that?

      • Kayjayoh

        I’m not sure, since I wasn’t the one who rinsed them in the first place, but possibly more water. Or soaking and swishing.

  • Sarah

    So, I am getting married on November 1 and things are really starting to ramp up. It’s exciting, but it’s been stressful, mainly because I am currently an hourly school employee, so my pay peters out in the summer, and non-wedding-related life stuff has been going in a different direction than I’d like it to. Such is 25-year-old life.

    Anyway, I was feeling stressed this week, and Salon, Jezebel and Hello Giggles all published “ugggggghhhhhhh i can’t do this bridesmaid thing anymore” pieces on THE SAME DAY, and they hit me hard.

    My fiance and I live on the West Coast, but most of our attendants are in the Midwest. Though I’m super psyched about marrying him n’ all that, the #1 reason I’m excited about the wedding right now is that it gives me an excuse to see my friends who I miss so much. I’m trying to be a really cool bride (not a regular bride, a cool bride) by letting them wear whatever they want, leaving hairstyling & nail stuff optional, and keeping the bachelorette party simple and on the Thursday before the wedding, when they’ll already be in town. But I know that just the travel expenses alone are a lot. Those articles reminded me of how much I’m asking them. I feel like a dick. :-/ I check in with them often to see if they need help planning their trips, and to let them know I love and appreciate them…but I still feel like a bitchy, high-maintenance bride.

    Anyone else get guilty feelings? How do you deal?

    • JDrives

      …are you me? November wedding, check. Mean Girls fan, check (I see you, Amy Poehler reference). Feeling guilty because your friends are scattered all over the state/country/globe and you don’t want to inconvenience them but you really really want to celebrate with them, check. I even am considering a Thursday-before-the-Saturday-wedding hen party for the convenience of my out-of-town friends, so, HELLO TWIN.

      Anyway – yes I also struggle with making sure my friends don’t feel burdened during this celebration process. What’s been helpful for me to remember is APW’s classic line “Your Wedding is Not An Imposition.” Also, I remember that my lovely friends are all adults, fully capable of making their own decisions whether they can/want to spend money and time when I am asking them to. I made it clear to my Bridal Brigade from the beginning that any event, *including the wedding* is optional and if they can’t make it for budget or schedule reasons, I get it. I know these gals love and want to support me, and I try to repay their kindness by being as considerate as possible when making plans for pre-wedding celebrations. I feel like that’s all I can do, and the rest is up to them. So far they’ve been absolutely brilliant. Try to cut yourself some slack – it sounds like you are being very considerate and offering help when you can.

      • MC

        Yes, just wanted to echo your smart perspective. I only have two ladies of honor and I know both of them feel so honored to stand by me and support my marriage. Some of my friends are happy for us but would definitely feel burdened with the real or perceived responsibilities of being a bridesmaid. Choose your wedding party wisely and then just communicate with them as much as possible and express your gratitude often. And remember that just because some people on the Internet are snarky doesn’t mean that your loved ones feel the same way.

        • Sarah

          That last sentence! Yes. Our wedding party is actually pretty large (I have a big family, my fiance was in a fraternity–not a regular fraternity, a cool fraternity), so I couldn’t narrow it down as much as you did. But none of my bridesmaids have said anything bad to me. I’m just being crazy.

      • Sarah

        OH HEY GIRL! Hope your planning is going okay :)

        Yeah…I might just need to get a cross-stitch that says “YOUR WEDDING IS NOT AN IMPOSITION” and hang it above my bed until everyone goes home afterward. On the day all those articles came out, I wrote a big panicky e-mail to my MOH and she wrote back basically saying the same thing: Look, we all knew you were going to get married, I know I would be your MOH, and we all thought it through before you even asked us. So RELAX.

        SIgh. I love them so much. I am not worthy!

        • JDrives

          I felt the same kind of panic reading those – but I totally agree with MC, these articles come from ONE (snarky) perspective of being a bridesmaid. I have definitely had *that* kind of bridesmaid experience, but I’m not writing off bridesmaids forever. I just learned from that experience and it has informed how I approach my Bridal Brigade. I give them lots of heads up about plans, brainstorm how to keep costs low, tell them again and again how much I adore them, etc. It’s working out really well so far and I hope it does for you too!

      • Erin

        Can I be a triplet? Also November wedding, also love Mean Girls, also super worried about keeping expectations of bridesmaids in check (while also dealing with annoying complaints from parents that my friends aren’t being responsive enough to emails regarding bridal shower planning). Just remember Your Wedding Is Not An Imposition. And also remember that Jezebel and these other sites don’t have an interest in helping you manage this issue the way APW does. They are just trying to get clicks without offering solutions for the brides or the bridesmaids.

        • Sarah McClelland

          Quadruplets. I’m a November wedding, Thursday party for the traveling, trying super hard to be low-key about it and keep down expenses (dresses match but are under $100 and I’m taking care of their hair) so that its something everyone is comfortable doing…

          • Sarah

            The Sisterhood of the Chill November Weddings.

      • http://cafeaubride.blogspot.com/ Catherine

        YES to all of this. And seriously girls- It’s SUCH AN HONOR to be in someone’s wedding. You are totally entitled to being a cheesy bride and all that. I wrote further up that I wasted a lot of fun-wedding-opportunities because I was cautious and worried about being an imposition. You can’t get back this time. Your people LOVE you. You’re good, you can relax :)

    • JSwen

      I am doing literally exactly this. Bridal Brigade. No matching outfits. If they can make it here by Thursday, that night is *friends only* night (more for my family to be aware and prepared to not see me). No standing up in the ceremony. Just get prettied and show up at the venue early to hang out with me and get pictures taken. Oh and dance at the party.

      The friends who can’t afford it won’t come. The friends who can afford it will come and will have a blast. In their favorite outfits, not mine. ;)

      You need to read up on the “my wedding is not an imposition” articles here.

      • Sarah

        Wait, is having them stand up during the ceremony ungracious or bad? :-/

        • JSwen

          Nope. I chose not to because I feel “meh” about having attendants during the ceremony. I’d rather it just be us and the officiant!

    • Nicole

      I almost didn’t ask anyone besides my sister to be in the wedding because I was worried about this. Finally one day, I realized I just really wanted this one other person to be in the wedding and that I should just lay it out and let her make the adult decision. So I started out saying, “hey, I love you and I’m so excited to share this with you. I had not planned on asking you because I know it’s more work, and I don’t want it to be a hassle, but I would love for you to be in the wedding.” I practically didn’t get the words out before she was enthusiastically agreeing and I was so glad I had realized that she’s an adult who can make her own decisions. She knew and appreciated that I was concerned, but ultimately it’s her decision. And I agree, the “your wedding is not an imposition” thing can be hard to remember, but so important!

    • http://cafeaubride.blogspot.com/ Catherine

      Ha, I totally relate to being so excited for the wedding so you can see your friends! I am (and so is my fiance) the exact same way. My best friends live states away. To have us all in one space, and meeting all J’s friends who were in one place, was AMAZING. such a warm and awesome feeling. Do not feel guilty- your wedding is NOT an imposition ;) seriously. it’s honestly such an honor to be asked to be a bridesmaid. It sounds like you feel like a bitchy high maintenance bride because you are asking for the most basic bridesmaid duties…NOT because of “bitchy high maintenance actions”. there’s a difference. I wasted lots of cheesy wedding fun opportunities because I was worried about being an imposition. The ones that love you will be stoked.

      • Sarah

        Thank you so much; this is what I needed to hear! <3

    • http://www.aprilbooth.com/ April

      I’m not married but I have been a bridesmaid in two weddings that I’ve had to travel for. I was ecstatic to do it because: A) I was also just SO EXCITED to see my friends. B) I was so happy for the people I cared for that were getting married. C) Weddings are stressful, and as a friend I just wanted to help out and was honoured that I was one of the few that was chosen for that role.

      You sound like a great bride and I’m sure your bridesmaids are really excited that you chose them to stand up with you. Boo to those articles.

  • Valerie Day

    I am a social worker in community mental health, and am passionate about my work. Sadly, in a field dominated by women, and focused on social justice for our clients we are severely underpaid. (I envy school teachers their salaries…). This week we got a company wide COLA (first time since I’ve been there) and social workers were given a $2000. raise after the surveyed comparable positions in our area. I am thrilled, relieved, and excited to continue advocacy for just pay. We deserve it.

    • http://humanlivinghumanly.wordpress.com/ Shelly

      As a fellow social worker: congratulations!

  • Libby

    2 weeks 2 weeks!!! I had a mini dress crisis this afternoon when I went for a fitting and the top was far tighter than it had been before. I felt so smushed in there. I got really overwhelmed and didn’t clearly express my worry to the seamstress and left. I promptly started panicking on the drive home. Right about the time I made it home, I turned around and went right back. We figured out it was the elastic strap under the dress causing the problem! She’s taking it out and all will be well. WHEW. I feel so much better.

    I don’t know if that’s happened to anyone else, but in the moment, with everyone staring at me expectantly, I just felt so on the spot and wanted to love everything. I kept telling myself “it’s fine no big deal!” Moral of the story – be honest so you don’t have a slight panic attack in the car on the way back home! I’m so glad I can eat for the next two weeks without feeling like I’ll pop out of my dress.

  • scw

    this week I finished drafting the first chapter of my dissertation in time to take a trip to my hometown to surprise my mom and sister (my sister was visiting home for her birthday). my sister got to see my dress and venue for the first time – having the keys to your venue is #1 – and we got a lot of wedding planning stuff accomplished. so glad to be crossing hotel room block reservation, wedding and rehearsal dinner layout, escort card and centerpiece planning, and song selection (mostly) off of the list!

    now I’m on my way home via greyhound to pack for another trip. we fly to las vegas sunday am and when we get there, the (future) in-laws are taking us and their two golden doodles to utah to go camping. I’m so excited and feel like I’ve really earned this break.

    • YOQ

      Way to go! Enjoy the break from dissertating (and wedding planning)!

  • Jade

    Our engagement photos are tomorrow morning! Excited! But also super mad at my face for busting out two large zits at this oh so appropriate time… unfortunately, it’s what my face does best. Crossing my fingers that my photographer has the Photoshop chops to tweak them out. :P Still, the zits make my face hurt and I feel bulgy and uncomfortable. Bah.

  • Cbrown

    Shoot, didn’t post this last night but perhaps someone will see it.

    Best board games for wedding? I’m terrified people will be bored and UK weddings are so long so I thought I’d have some games around for non-dancy family and friends. Any suggestions for fun / low prep games?

    • Eh

      We had board games as our centre pieces. The games include Jenga, pictionary, Yahtzee, apples to apples, snakes and ladders, sorry, kerplunk, scrabble, trivial persuit. We tried to have family friendly games that most people would know the rules for or, if not, are easy and fast to learn. My friends decided that they wanted Cards Against Humanity at their table. It was a huge hit though not really family friendly.

  • Em

    Hey smart stylish women, what should I wear for makeup to my wedding? My dress is (or rather will be, once we sew it, yikes) silk, charmeuse but with only a slight sheen to it, in a muted silvery greenish bluish colour. I think I’m just going to wear a pair of brown leather sandals I already own. Hair, medium brown. Eyes medium/light brown. Skin tone is on the olivey side of Caucasian. I will be doing my own makeup. Generally speaking I wear no makeup other than mascara. I would kind of like to do something special for my wedding though… Something that is a ramped up version of myself with extra awesome. Beyond the “no-makeup makeup” look but not something that makes me feel like I’m lost in layers of foundation and brambles of fake eyelashes.

    Ideas??

    • emilyg25

      Wow, your dress sounds really pretty. For makeup, how about a basic neutral face? Pick up a shadow duo like this: http://www.clinique.com/product/1598/27032/Makeup/Eye-Shadows/All-About-Shadow-Duo (sounds like Day into Date might do you well). Use the light color all over your lid and the darker one in your crease. Then maybe a little eyeliner (I like the Quickliner from Clinique) and mascara, blush, and lip color (I love the Clinique Chubby Stick; terrible name, great product).

      If you want, you can try starting the whole look with foundation. A store like Sephora can find one that matches your skin tone. If you want to spend less, try different options at RiteAid. You can return makeup there even if it’s opened!

    • Heather

      Alle, my favorite writer on XoVain, just did a wedding makeup series that I love (I did a test run of the semi-formal look last night). She also does amazing video tutorials focusing on different techniques (one finally helped me do blush right!). A look that you might like is here: http://www.xovain.com/makeup/how-to-do-your-makeup-for-a-casual-beach-wedding#awesm=~oIA0jnZuFzF7vD but if you check her bio page it’s full of her super helpful articles: http://www.xovain.com/author/alle#awesm=~oIA0U3IOInDNpj

      I second the recommendation to hit up Sephora for foundation recommendations (or BB cream if you hate the way foundation feels). They’re awesome and will be happy to give you samples if you ask. I like to try on and get recommendations in store and then check reviews on their website and see if there are value sets not offered in store.

      Best of luck!