Cutting Your Hair After The Wedding? Here’s How You Can Support Women Fighting Cancer.

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When I was twelve, I shaved my mom’s head bald. Actually, three of my middle school friends, plus me, plus my aunt (who came in for quality control) shaved my mom’s head bald. Because that’s what you do when one of your kids is going through chemo and losing her hair. You find any way you can to show solidarity.

The first time I Donated My Hair

My sister was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor when she was eight years old. No one in my family had ever gotten cancer before, so it was our first time grappling with the things that cancer patients have to face: long hospital stays, chemo, radiation, steroids. Everyone knows that cancer s-u-c-k-s with a capital S. But what they don’t tell you is that treatment can be almost as awful as the diagnosis itself. Chemo is a remarkably undignified experience. It kills your energy, makes you feel like shit, and can even change the small things we take for granted like how food tastes. When your hair starts to fall out, it’s just one more way that cancer gets to kick you when you’re down.

So a year after my sister passed away, when I was just thirteen, I walked into a salon and asked them to cut off a foot of my hair. Because what I learned watching my sister fight her battle so bravely is that when you’re fighting an impossible fight, you’ll take whatever small sense of normalcy you can get: a family vacation, a wig that looks like your real hair. And if my mom could shave her head bald, then at the very least, I could let go of my hair and donate it to someone who needed it more—someone whose hair loss wasn’t a choice—so that they could feel a little like their old selves again.

APW + Pantene Beautiful Lengths: An Exercise in Wish Fulfillment

Donating my hair was one of the most transformative experiences of my life (you can read more about why right here). It radically shifted my understanding of femininity and beauty, and the value we place on women’s hair as a marker of both. But since I’ve kept my hair more or less short since that first cut, I wasn’t sure how I could keep supporting the hair donation cause without personally growing my hair out and cutting it every few years. Until APW started working with Pantene Beautiful Lengths.

If you aren’t familiar with the work done by Pantene Beautiful Lengths, they’ve spent the past nine years gathering over 800,000 ponytails for the sole purpose of donating real hair wigs to women fighting cancer. And unlike a lot of other programs that turn hair donations into wigs, Pantene Beautiful Lengths is a hundred percent altruistic; they always give away their wigs for free and never ever sell your hair to raise money. In short, they are in the business of solidarity.

Watching the APW community rally around this cause (and rally, and rally, and rally) has been the single most fulfilling part of any job I’ve ever had. We started this partnership because we noticed a pre-existing phenomenon in the wedding space (women growing their hair out for updos and then cutting it off right after getting married), and thought we could maybe turn it into something good. But you’ve taken that idea and run with it in a way I couldn’t have ever imagined. You haven’t just donated ponytails. You’ve shaved your heads, you’ve sent us your before and afters, and I still get comments and emails year round every time one of you makes the cut. Hell, even Michael grew his hair out and donated it (and he let my mom do the honors of cutting it, because what goes around comes around).

View More: http://smittenchickens.pass.us/pantene-nyc

How to Get involved: The #8or8 Challenge

If there’s been any drawback to working with Pantene Beautiful Lengths each year, it’s that Meg and I haven’t been able to personally donate our ponytails thanks to our color-treated and grey hair (well, and the fact that I barely have a pony nub), so we’ve had to watch and cheerlead from the sidelines. Until now, that is. Today marks the fourth annual National Donate Your Hair Day event. While you can donate your hair at any time, each year Pantene Beautiful Lengths launches this initiative to encourage donations, and rally community support around the cause. APW has been involved in three out of four of these initiatives, and together we’ve helped donate dozens of wigs (that we know of!) to women who have lost their hair to cancer.

And this year Pantene is adding an extra means of showing support for those of us who are ineligible to donate our hair: you can now sponsor a wig through a monetary donation to the Pantene Beautiful Lengths Fund. Just like with hair donations, a hundred percent of all monetary contributions made to the Pantene Beautiful Lengths Fund will go directly to creating wigs. Since the length requirement for hair donations is 8″, and it takes a minimum of eight ponytails to make a wig, they’re calling this year’s movement the #8or8 Challenge, and asking everyone to either donate either eight inches or eight dollars to the cause. So, to put our literal money where our mouth is, we’re kicking off the APW effort with an $800 donation (the cost of a full wig) to the Pantene Beautiful Lengths Fund.

View More: http://smittenchickens.pass.us/pantene-nyc

But that’s just the start of things. If you want to get involved and be part of APW’s own #8or8 movement, there are lots of ways to do it:

Donate your Hair

If you’d been growing out your hair, for say, I don’t know, an updo or something (who, you?) and now that the wedding is over, you have been thinking maybe it’s time to change things up, then consider donating your hair after making the cut! Here’s how:

  • First, your hair has to meet the donation requirements: 1. Each hair donation must be at least 8 inches long. 2. Your hair may be colored with vegetable dyes, rinses, and semi-permanent dyes, but it cannot be bleached, permanently colored, or chemically treated. 3. Gray hair is difficult to use in the wig-making process, so hair may not be more than 5% gray at the time of donation.
  • Pull your hair into a ponytail (or multiple ponytails if you have a lot of hair), then snip! Once your ponytail has been cut, mail it to:

Pantene Beautiful Lengths
Attn: 192-123
806 SE 18th Ave.
Grand Rapids, MN 55744

  • When you’re done, tell us! Take a picture of your cut and tag @apracticalwedding and @pantene on Instagram with the hashtags #APWPBL, #8or8, and #BeautifulLengths.

Sponsor a Wig

If you aren’t eligible to donate your hair (you just had to have purple hair, didn’t you?) then you can sponsor a wig through a monetary donation to the Pantene Beautiful Lengths fund right here. No donation is too small. Want to donate and spread the word? You can also donate via Twitter by retweeting @Pantene’s Charitweets (happening today) for instructions on how to donate to the cause.

Challenge Your Friends and Spread the Word

If you’ve made the cut, or are just want to help get the word out, share your donation and encourage your friends to participate in the #8or8 Challenge by using #8or8 and #BeautifulLengths, tagging @Pantene (and @APracticalWedding so we can see it too).

View More: http://smittenchickens.pass.us/pantene-nyc

It’s Not About Me

When we first started this partnership with Pantene, I wrote, “In my dreams, Pantene Beautiful Lengths receives so many donations from APW readers that they are able to make whole wigs out of hair just from you guys alone. In my dreams, some deserving woman gets to feel beautiful on her own terms thanks to the selfless efforts of this community alone.” While you guys have made that dream a reality countless times over, last week I had the opportunity to actually take part in the process, by helping to facilitate a wig donation to an APW reader who just recently received a cancer diagnosis and has been undergoing treatment (you might remember Bethany from a few Happy Hours ago). Of the experience, Bethany said:

I donated my hair once back in college, but had absolutely no concept of what it would emotionally mean to a wig recipient until this week. My wedding falls right in the middle of when I’m supposed to lose my hair (one to two weeks from yesterday, not that I’m counting and staring at my hair whenever I pass a mirror or anything…) and Pantene is sending me a wig that should arrive before the wedding. Really really grateful. If you’ve ever thought of donating your hair, as someone about to lose hers I can say that it’s an incredibly appreciated thing. I’m thankful for the anonymous hair donors in almost the same way I’m thankful for the anonymous blood donors whose blood I received my last surgery day.

When I talk about how rewarding this partnership has been, and how empowering it can be to donate your hair, I really mean it. But this month served as a reminder that this isn’t about me, or even you. It’s not about ponytails, or dollar donations. It’s about people right here in our community.

Need a little motivation or reassurance before making the cut? Check out all the awesome APW readers who have participated in the past (including Ask APW’s own Liz, who shaved her head and let me photograph it), plus read up on what you really need to know before cutting off all your hair, and get tips for rocking short hair like you mean it.

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This post was sponsored by Pantene Beautiful Lengths. Since 2006, Beautiful Lengths has helped provide over 42,000 real hair wigs to women fighting cancer. Click here to learn more about Pantene Beautiful Lengths and how you can get involved.

This Couple Transformed a Slovenian Hotel into a Floral Playground for $7K

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Zoetica, Fine artist, illustrator, photographer, and graphic designer & Gašper, mathematician masquerading as an engineer

PLANNED BUDGET: Under $7,000
ACTUAL BUDGET: Under $7,000
NUMBER OF GUESTS: 28

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WHERE WE ALLOCATED THE MOST FUNDS

Flowers, food, plane tickets, and photographers.

The flowers were a fragrant, surreal masterpiece. My art primarily focuses on otherworldly botanical illustration, so this was a direct extension of my work. Marjan Lovšin, an innovative visionary local florist, conjured our fantasy botanical wonderland, bursting with fresh flowers, carnivorous plants, juicy berries and fluffy moss. The array was based upon a highly specific Pinterest board I constructed and G’s mother transmitted. We’re told Marjan was so inspired by our vision, that he traveled to the Netherlands to pick up some of the exotic greenery included in the array—largely planted, not cut. Most of the berries came from a local blueberry farm, as well as G’s grandfather’s garden. Marjan also provided fresh trees for our Enchanted Forest photo booth, which we requested verrry last-minute, the day before the party. We couldn’t be happier with his work and recommend him highly.

We found a hotel in Ljubljana’s historic city center that could accommodate our small wedding reception; a sleek, modern place with a rooftop patio beneath the Ljubljana Castle, where we were married the previous year.

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Food and drinks were a top priority because we both love good food and couldn’t imagine spending so much time preparing a party, only to skimp on something we both like so much. In fact, one of the main reasons we chose Vander Hotel as our venue, besides is futuristic decor, was the fact that its restaurant is renowned even among the locals. The in-house French chef, Benjamin Launay, serves a mix of Continental and Slovenian cuisine, specializing in French-Slovenian fusion—our path was clear here. And, though the food and drinks were lavish, the venue itself was free—another benefit of hosting in a hotel, in addition to the fact that we were able to stay in a suite on-site (this wasn’t free. Also: padded walls and see-though bathrooms = bonus), meaning constant access to the venue before the party and being able to fall asleep in a fancy bed after.

Plane tickets are an inevitable part of an overseas wedding. We bought them as far in advance as we could, which was around six months prior to the party. It still stung, but was an inevitable reality.

We hired two photographers because, even though we had no interest in traditional group photos, we wanted both a photo booth and a roaming ambiance photographer. Our Enchanted Forest photo booth took shape over two-months-worth of email discussion between myself and Primož Lukežič. There were sketches, and mockups, and prop acquisition, and the physical measuring of available space—it was quite the undertaking. Fortunately, I have a background in photography and experience creating photo booths, so it wasn’t too overwhelming. Primož specializes in portrait photography, notably for Slovenia’s national theater, and is great at getting fun expressions and poses from his subjects. The photos turned out just as we hoped! He even provided a gorgeous absinthe fountain as one of our props, and his girlfriend built a twig frame, which was ready to be decorated with moss by the time we were ready to set up.

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WHERE WE ALLOCATED THE LEAST FUNDS

Photo booth props, entertainments, dress, menus, and party programs.

I adore memorable, once-in-a-lifetime parties, but have never thought much of dumping tons of cash into weddings, so our mission was to make it all happen within the realm of fiscal reason. We knew right away we didn’t want a DJ and ensured our venue had a decent sound system. We like pair dancing, so our Spotify playlist is tailored to that, mostly 1920s to 1950s stuff with a dash of dreampop and silliness for good measure.

To keep guests entertained between dinner courses, we asked them to fill out a custom guestbook from guestbookstore.com and put on an instant photo contest—between the two, plus two speeches delivered, respectively, by my mother and G’s father, it was entertainment enough.

My dress was made to measure for around $400 by Silvia Bours, all of whose dresses are the epitome of magical. I didn’t want something to wear just once, so I chose black and short; it’s the perfect party dress, which I expect to wear again as soon as a worthy occasion presents itself. I did my own hair and makeup, and bought two pairs of shoes—the first I barely managed in through cocktail hour, and the other I danced in all night.
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We decided against formal invitations, in part because there were logistical discussions to consider for guests coming from overseas, and stuck to email, springing, instead, for menus, place cards, custom drink lists (we invented our own names for the night’s potions) and party programs—all of which we got at Wedding Paper Divas, after considering multiple options, including letterpess and other such fanciness. We love the pearlescent paper finish WPD offers, and found a sleek design to complement our dining arrangements. The place cards were inscribed by a professional calligrapher, which added to their charm—most of the guests kept theirs, they were so beautiful.

We already owned most of the props used in our photo booth—tank helmets, a tiara, Thai brass finger claws, dyed ostrich feathers, a kabuki mask, a skull mask, Soviet-era tank goggles… All fun to travel with and imagine what customs agents might think upon inspection. We used a beautiful vintage tray accented with chalkboard paint to have guests inscribe advice on and bought a perfectly organic-looking fairy crown on Etsy, along with several bags of moss for decorating our photo booth frame and aforementioned crown.

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WHAT WAS TOTALLY WORTH IT

Everything. Really.

WHAT WAS TOTALLY NOT WORTH IT

We were fairly frugal to begin with and just about everything in Slovenia is more affordable than in the States, so all worked out.
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A FEW THINGS THAT HELPED US ALONG THE WAY

One: Amazon and their two-day shipping, which allowed us to get last-minute items we were missing. Two: Model Mayhem, believe it or not, for helping me find our photographers. Three: The Internet, in general.

As for people who helped, Gašper’s friends, Aljaž and Marko, checked out the location for us, his parents, Tanja and Branko, helped us with the flowers and photographers, his brother, Uroš, was a great best man, and my mother, Julia, helped with our hotel suite so we could arrange everything in relative peace.

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MY BEST PRACTICAL ADVICE FOR MY PLANNING SELF

If it’s important to you, get an official wardrobe monitor for the party, to ensure the flowers in your hair, your makeup, etc. stay intact, because you’ll be having too much fun to care.

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MY FAVORITE THING ABOUT THE WEDDING

The flora. I can’t overstate how incredible it was to see the hotel transformed this way—it was a waking dream. We’re actually shopping for a few more houseplants now because we’re so inspired by the experience. The incredible fresh scent permeated absolutely everything, there was even a tree in the elevator! The next day, when we came down to breakfast, most of the plants were still there, in the restaurant—a little bit of last night’s magic sticking around to challenge the sun.

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