This Is Your Guide to Planning a Wedding

apw-squarespace

a wedding planning guide

When you first get engaged, the world of weddings is full of infinite possibilities. Maybe it’ll look like this. Maybe you’ll wear that.

Then you sit down to actually start planning. And suddenly all that infinite possibility becomes infinite decision making. Where do you start? Guest list? Budget? Decor? (Hint: it’s not the last one). Bottom line: the first few weeks of wedding planning can be the hardest. So how do you get from “OMG how do we do this?!” to “Ok, I got this!” when you’re getting started wedding planning? Today we’ve partnered up with Squarespace (makers of awesome, modern wedding websites) to answer just that:

chalkboard for a wedding

get your wedding planning tools ready

Planning a wedding doesn’t have to be hard—it can be fun, even!—but it will involve a bit of work. And when you’re working, you need tools: think spreadsheets, books, checklists, a Pinterest board.

checklists galore: Before you even get started, do yourself a favor and download our free, downloadable checklist. This is not your average 300-line-item wedding checklist where useful things are peppered in with nonsense like “Shine crystal chandeliers at least one week before the wedding.” Our goal is to make your wedding checklist a stress-free experience that will keep you motivated and focused on slaying your wedding goals, one by one.

the books that will help: You’re going to spend a lot of wedding planning Googling. And while we can’t tell you which caterer is the best in the northern hemisphere, the APW books can save you from having to Google the wedding basics. The first will help you save time, money, and sanity, and the #APWPlanner can basically plan your wedding for you.

Spreadsheets: You won’t need them quite yet, but get these spreadsheets saved somewhere. We’ve got you covered on everything from your wedding guest list template to your vendor contact list to your day-of wedding timeline. You’ll thank yourself later.

set a budget: Setting your budget can feel like you’re just making up numbers… but it doesn’t have to. First, you need to decide how much you can spend on your guests. Then, you need to discuss how much you want to spend on your guests. We have sample budgets for k to k weddings, if you want to look at the weddings of couples who share a similar wedding vision with you, plus a handy guide for figuring out your own wedding budget (and another for how to stick to it).

dinosaurs and wedding invitations

do your homework

Once you’ve hit this stage in planning a wedding, it means it’s time for you and your partner to sit down and discuss what kind of wedding you want to have. (Psst: the #APWPlanner provides a handy priorities worksheet for you and your partner to follow.)

talk to your families: Ok, you know how you want the wedding to look, feel, and move—now it’s time to sit down and have a chat with your families. Are you asking for financial contributions? Have you thought about what kind of input you want them to have? Are there traditions you want to include—or traditions you want to eschew?

MAKE YOUR GUEST LIST: You’ll notice that we’ve put guest lists before venue search. That’s because your first step in planning the logistics of your wedding (after budget) should be figuring out who you want there. Then make the rest of your plans around that (doing it the other way around is how you accidentally realize you don’t have enough space in your venue for your grandma. Whoops.) You each might want to consider making your own, separate lists (and possibly inviting your parents to do the same) and then work through those lists together to compile a master guest list. Hot tip: Our spreadsheets can help you do this.

begin the venue search: Now? Now you’re really getting started, friends. We’ve got a comprehensive guide to choosing a venue right here. But here’s a tip to get you started: when you’re doing your initial search, try Googling phrases like “Northern California beach wedding” or “Brooklyn diner wedding” and see what comes up. Many venue and photographer websites are optimized to come up in searches like this, so use that to your advantage.

THINK ABOUT VENDORS: Have you ever booked a photographer? A florist? A DJ? Some of your wedding vendors need to be booked months (or a year!) in advance, and some don’t. Here’s how you hire a wedding photographer, for one (psst: if photography is a top priority, this is a vendor you probably want to lock down ASAP). Speaking of vendors, make sure you get contracts for everyone you work with (yes, even the ones you’re friends with.) We’ve got the useful advice on that right here, plus what to do about tipping your vendors.

EVENT RENTALS 101: If your reception venue isn’t inclusive, you’re probably going to need rentals. The good news: they’re often more affordable than you’d think (and cleanup is way easier too.) Here’s what you need to know about event rentals.

wedding website from squarespace

PLANNING A WEDDING, STEP BY STEP

Next, it’s time to set up the framework of your wedding. What will it look like? Feel like? How will your guests experience it? How will you? Since you have your date and maybe a vendor or two, you’re ready to methodically (or not) hash out the next phase of planning:

WEDDING WEBSITES: The easiest way to communicate all your hard planning with the outside world is to get yourself a wedding website. So once you’ve got the what, where and when figured out, put it online (it’ll save you from having to field all the questions later.) Squarespace is offering 10% off all first time purchases to APW readers when you use the code APW16 at checkout, so head over here to make that happen.

ENSEMBLES: If shopping for a wedding dress makes you feel queasy, we’ve got your back. Our wedding dress shopping guide has all the details you need on fabric, sizing, and prices. Plus, we’ve got tips for plus size wedding dress shopping, queer wedding style, and fair trade wedding dresses.

INVITING GUESTS: Are you getting ready to tell everyone about your fabulous upcoming shindig? COOL. We have guidelines for how to DIY your wedding invites, and suggestions for ways to make the invite wording more feminist. (And oh yeah: here’s how you get them to RSVP in the first place.)

man and woman walking down a sidewalk

and then a little later…

ALCOHOL: If you’re hooking up your own wedding booze, understand that it can be a… thing unto itself. You’ll want to read up on how to buy it, and how to calculate how much alcohol your wedding will need in the first place.

WEDDING TIMELINE: At some point, you will need to figure out when and how you’re getting from point A to point B of your wedding day (and your vendors might ask for it too). So here’s how to calculate your wedding timeline.

what can you DIY: The number one rule of DIY is that you should only invest your time (aka blood, sweat and tears) into the thins you really care about. Spend money (or just ditch) the stuff that matters less. Because your time is precious, you hear me? Anyway, planning on DIYing your wedding flowers (or a floral crown)? Mulling over the idea of DJing your own wedding? You can do to those things, and you can do them well.

wedding playlists: You know what Google is often not awesome for? Helping you pick out wedding songs. (Unless you had your heart set on Lonestar, in which case, do you.) Luckily, we’ve done all the heavy lifting for you. Our playlists have a little country, a lot of soul, and basically everything in between (and we’ve covered everything from first dance songs to mother son dance songs to non-cheesy father daughter dance songs, and blowout jams to end the night by).

get real wedding inspiration: One of the best things to do when you’re planning a wedding is to seek out weddings that are like yours and bask in them. Thinking of self-catering your wedding? That’s super cool, and we actually have featured a lot of couples who did just that. Considering an elopement? They’re lovely. Is your community helping make your wedding happen? I bet it’ll be gorgeous. If you just want to get lost for a few hours (or days), every single wedding we’ve ever featured can be found right here.

wedding sign that says dance

IT’S TIME FOR FEELS AND PARTIES

At this point, you might need a hug (or therapy? Wedding planning is hard). And maybe even some fun. First, the feels:

LET’S TALK ABOUT THE WIC: The Wedding Industrial Complex, that is.

Your wedding is not an imposition: When the people you love are threatening to drive you crazy, just remember: it’s not about them. It just isn’t.

And the parties:

Bridal shower ideas: Bridal showers can be old-fashioned, but they can also be awesome. Here are some ideas on how to make them more fun.

wedding rehearsals: Rehearsals themselves are super helpful (practice makes perfect and all that.) But the dinner part? That’s mostly a chance for you to hang out with your guests, and maybe for your parents to throw a party of their own. If it’s on your agenda—here’s what you need to know.

squarespace-logo-horizontal-black

This post was sponsored by Squarespace. Squarespace makes beautiful wedding websites happen in a matter of minutes, thanks to their user-friendly software and modern, minimal template designs. Click here to start a free 14-day trial and make your wedding website today. APW readers get 10% off your first Squarespace purchase when you use the code APW16 at checkout.

Best Of APW 2016

24096

Hey APW!

Some of you (particularly long time readers) may have noticed that I haven’t been writing as much of late. No, that’s not because I’m writing another book (I’m still in recovery from writing this one while pregnant), or having another baby. Nor have I given up on y’all and all things weddings.

In fact, quite to the contrary. I’ve spent the last half of 2016 doubling down on work, and leaning the fuck in. The amount of saying yes I’ve done this year has been life changing (hell! we even bought a house!), but it does mean I’m really in the weeds right now with work. Exciting weeds they are though.

Last week—while I was dealing with two horrifically painful ruptured ovarian cysts—we signed a lease on a new office space in East Oakland (look at that prettyness). It’s huge, at just about 2,000 square feet, affordable (hey East Oakland), TWO minutes from my house, the investment property of a married couple who turned out to be long time APW fans (y’all, #sob), and raw space that we’ll get to build out with our landlord. It also gives us a dedicated photo studio for the first time ever. Add to that the fact that Stephanie decided on November 9th to get out of TN and head to CA and go full time in the APW office, the fact that we’re finalizing a new hire, the upcoming launch of our lifestyle brand The Compact…. oh and the fact that we’re rebranding the site again. (Long story. Catch me over drinks.) Oh, right, and we’re in the middle of rebuilding the site from scratch.

You guys, these are the very best sort of problems to have, but I need a very strong eggnog…. which I can’t have because of the pain meds, because having a uterus is like running a three ring circus out of your pants.

But the year is ending right, since yesterday I surprised the core APW staff at the last meeting of the year, and gave them $300 cash that they had to spend on themselves in an hour and a half…. with a donation made to charity in the name of the person who delighted us (and herself) the most. Najva won, and APW is about to donate to the International Rescue Committee in her name. (I’m also putting down some sizable family cash on this today, and we’re cutting back on holiday spending, because that’s what matters right now.)

And with that, we’re closing out our publishing year for 2016. Though it was fucking nightmare of a year, and 2017 is shaping up to be worse, I was honored to spend it with the APW team and y’all. Smart, caring, community minded women who are working hard to make the world a better place.

Peace, Love, and as much Hope as I can muster,

Meg

P.S. If you check back on Monday morning, we’ll be publishing our intro guide to wedding planning, for all of your newly engaged besties… or those of you who realized that you better start planning this 2017 wedding already. Till then, we bring you some of our favorite work from 2016.

a bride standing alone

feminism

this is one sentence i am sick and tired of hearing at work: I bet you already know what it might be.

6 steps that will help you conquer the gender pay gap: Men are still regularly paid more than women and we’re over it.

if you’re not behind amber heard, where the hell are you?: #DumpDepp

i learned how to have a feminist marriage from the most surprising place: It turns out you never can tell where your lessons will come from.

surprise: I’m muslim and in a feminist marriage: Betcha didn’t see that one coming.

28555669311_9a6aa6ad9d_k

wedding planning

Wedding music for when you want to get dooown: We have an awful lot of fun putting together our wedding playlists, but this one is it: the playlist you bust out if your wedding party is in danger of slowing down, or the one you use when you just want to party.

WEDDING INVITATION ETIQUETTE YOU CAN USE IN THE MODERN WORLD: Wondering how on Earth you can word your wedding invites in this day and age without sounding dated or stuffy?

DIY WEDDING FLOWERS: 10 SIMPLE TIPS THAT WILL SAVE YOU A MELTDOWN: DIYing your wedding flowers is absolutely a thing that you can do, and we’ll walk you through pulling it off without freaking out.

4 SUPER EASY WAYS TO WORD YOUR WEDDING THANK YOU CARDSIncludes bonus sample wedding thank you notes!

all the things you need to know about eloping: It turns out that there’s usually more to eloping than showing up at the courthouse and going for it.

how to plan a wedding as a white person without appropriating: Everyone has a culture. It’s up to you to figure out what yours is without taking someone else’s.

what you need to know about modern wedding etiquette: As with most things, weddings grow and shift with the times. Here’s what’s going on with twenty-first century weddings.

a couple laughing

engagements and wedding proposals

Engagement party 101: This is everything you need to knowLike, everything. When to have it, who to invite to it, and why you should resist picking your bridal party while you’re still at the party.

here’s your guide for announcing your engagement: Tip #1: Don’t put it on Facebook before you tell your mom.

10 proposal ideas that aren’t about the male ego: Have you ever realized how many common proposal ides are all about… dudes? That’s fine, I guess, except that half of us aren’t dudes at all.

proposing in public is the worst and you should never do it: What else do you need to know?

this is what you should say in your wedding proposalThere are no hard and fast rules about what exactly you should say, but we have plenty of ideas about what you might want to say.

4 things i desperately want to tell my newly engaged friendsHeed the word.

hair straightener and eyelashes

style and fashion

how to get dressed for a daytime wedding in the summerWhen you find yourself invited to half a dozen summer weddings and have no idea what daytime look to go for, we can help you out.

what makes a suit look good?It turns out that this is a whole Thing.

modcloth’s new swimsuit line will make you feel (and look) good: We’re still jazzed about these suits!

10 ways to style a suit that will make your partner look hot as hellWHEW WHERE’S THE FIRE.

kids blowing bubbles at a camera

kids/no kids

this is the conversation you need to have before becoming parents: Before you dive into parenthood, it’s time for Real Talk 101.

I’m pregnant (and I never wanted to be a mom)And… she’s excited about it.

i met the love of my life and then found out he’d had a vasectomyThis was one of our biggest “OOF” moments all year. What do you do when you meet the best person in the world, fall in love, and then find out kids aren’t an option?

what happens to a marriage when babies stop being babies?Some of us are just beginning to find out.

why raising my son finally made me a feministBecause really, again, now and forever: feminism is for everyone.

pink pig against a white background

money

5 reasons a budget can be good for your relationshipYou need this info.

the best business strategy is the one that makes you moneyIsn’t this the goal at the end of the day?

how you can solve your marriage’s most important money questions: First, do you know what those questions are?

the most important thing I learned in 2015: How to budget.

student debt is going to be a huge problem for millennial marriages: It already is, even.

 

flamingos walking on the beach

shit we’re just proud of

the 7 secrets i learned in 7 years of marriage: Every year came with a new lesson.

hillary clinton is actually tracy flick and we can’t handle it: This feels even more true after the election, tbh.

a muslim-raised queer responds to the orlando shooting: How to process, deal, and cope with tragedy and staggering loss.

is the new brand of body positivity actually hurting us?: Does it really do anything to combat our internalized programming? Because some days, we’re just aiming for body “I don’t hate you today.”

here is why women are terrified of getting older: Feeling invisible is the tip of the iceberg.

how beyoncé’s powerful new album “lemonade” speaks to the truth about marriage: When Lemonade dropped this year we just about lost our minds, so of course we had to write about it.