What Will Being Family Caregivers Do to Millennial Marriages?

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There are a lot of conversations my husband and I didn’t have before we got married almost ten years ago. For example, we didn’t discuss money, kids, or even really what we wanted to do with our careers. We got married after barely three months of dating. We were twenty-two and twenty-one, and just figured, hey, all that stuff? It’ll work itself out.

So I suppose it’s not surprising that I can add one more topic to the list of things we never discussed: what will happen to our parents as they age, and whether or not we’ll each be the family caregiver. Between us, we have six parents and step-parents to consider. Some of them have their own plans (and funds) set aside, and some of them… don’t. As the oldest kids in our families, we’ve each assumed that if our parents needed someone to live with, then they’d live with us (or we would at least extend the offer and allow them to decide).

I know this isn’t what everyone does, but multigenerational households are on the rise yet again. We have more debt than ever before, and I can’t help but worry what our ever-increasing student loan debt totals will do to my fellow millennials, and our families. While many immigrant families have historically lived with several generations to a house in the US, the most recent rise in multigenerational living coincided with the Great Recession. Recent graduates moved back home, parents moved in with financially secure children, and grandparents moved in with everybody. In other words, we’re nearing the end of an age where two middle-income workers can retire comfortably and independently, let alone have a retirement that looks like the commercials. These days, a lot of us are lucky if we can get a car loan.

When I started speaking to peers and friends about the idea of taking care of a family and living with several generations in one house, I found out that once again, we’d stumbled into an important married conversation a little late. Apparently this is a conversation a lot of people have before ever putting a ring on it. The reasons vary: For some, having your parents move in with you is an inevitable cultural practice. For others, it’s just what they plan to do. For still others, there’s no way their parents will live with them, but they’re totally open to setting money aside to assist their parents as they age. I also believe that in the coming future, multiple generations living together will start to make financial (and practical) sense for many more families.

In our house, we didn’t start having this conversation until two years ago, when my husband started working at a home for patients who have Alzheimer’s and/or dementia. It’s worth noting that his home was one of the “good” ones, and in a state that has far better laws and regulations about elder care than others. But even still, he quickly, and firmly, made a decision that none of our parents would ever end up in a facility like that. Since I have always assumed I would offer my mother a space in our home at any point in her life if she needed it, I agreed. At the time neither of us was thinking about our ever-pressing student loan debt and what that might mean for our financial future (to be honest, we still have no idea)—we just felt like this was the only clear option before us.

I’m curious what other couples have talked about—and not talked about—before and throughout the course of their relationship, especially when it comes to aging parents.

have you and your partner talked about taking care of your parents as they age? how did you begin the conversation? what plans do you have?

Minted Has Four New Wedding Services That Will Make Your Day

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If I had to pick the two biggest headaches of wedding planning (besides family expectations and not being a millionaire, but what are you going to do about those), they’d have to be paper and décor. I just wanted things that felt like our wedding, and the options were either to spend all the monies to make that happen, or create everything my damn self. I chose door number two. Spoiler alert: It turns out I’m not as crafty as I thought. (Also, our apartment wasn’t nearly well-ventilated enough for all that rubber cement.) But if I were getting married today? I’d choose door number three: Minted.

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You might already know about Minted and their affordable, independent artist-designed wedding invitations. But what you might not know is that over the past year or so, Minted has added a ton of new services that not only make it possible for you to have affordable wedding invitations and décor that feel like you, but they’ve made the process so easy, you’ll wonder why DIY was ever invented in the first place. Plus, they just launched a brand-new pop-up shop in San Francisco where you can see and feel it all for yourself while getting personalized advice from Minted’s style experts. (If you’re in town, head over 222 Grant Street to check it out.) So if all you know about Minted is they make really pretty invitations (and I mean really pretty), here’s what you’ve been missing:

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#LAZYGIRL DÉCOR: Okay, so you already know about Minted’s affordable artist-designed wedding invitations. But did you know they’ve got wedding décor to match? Or not to match, if you’d prefer. With everything from place cards to table numbers, table linens, and photo backdrops, you can coordinate your wedding décor without ever having to pick up a glue stick. If you’re in San Francisco and can stop by the Minted store, you can see samples of some of their more popular designs in person (plus pick up useful items like cake stands while you’re at it, because why not?).

P.S. I have it on good authority that Minted is about to release even more new décor items like custom wedding signs, seating charts, and even aisle runners very soon. Sign up for the Minted newsletter to find out exactly when new items drop.

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(VERY) AFFORDABLE CUSTOMIZATION: The problem with picking predesigned wedding invitations is that there are often so many that are almost there—if only you could you swap out the colors, or maybe mix the elements from one invite with another. But with Minted, those changes are always available, and fine-tuning is always free (e.g., changing the shape of the invite, swapping out the color, etc.). And if you want something totally custom? They can do that too, starting at just $100. You don’t have to have a super strong vision of what you want to get a custom design from Minted, either. Just give them a starting point and they’ll take it from there.

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FREE ADVICE WITH A STYLE CONSULTANT: The convenience of being able to shop online for weddings cannot be understated. But sometimes you just want a person to help you figure things out, because decision fatigue is real. Which is why Minted recently started offering free in-person consultations with their pro stylists. If you’re in San Francisco, you can make an appointment to get a free one-hour style consultation. And if you’re not local, no worries! Minted also offers phone or screen-share sessions where you can discuss design changes and share ideas in real-time. And consultations aren’t just for their existing items. If you’re interested in the aforementioned custom designs, Minted’s consultants can help you figure out what you want and where to start.
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THE DIRTY WORK: Hands down, one of the most tedious aspects of wedding invitations is simply putting them together. Minted already takes care of some of the work by offering free address book assistance and recipient addressing on envelopes. But now, if you’re in San Francisco, they’re also adding invitation assembly to their in-store offerings (because you haven’t learned tedium until you’ve assembled a hundred wedding invitations by yourself on your living room floor). Also coming soon to the Minted store: fun add-ons like edge painting, custom foil and letterpress formats, and specialty lined envelopes.

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There’s a lot more in the new Minted store (and on the Minted website) than I could ever list here. But after checking it out myself, I left with basically one realization: There is nothing they can’t or won’t do. (And it’s all even better in person than it is online.) But you don’t have to take my word for it. If you’re in San Francisco, head over to 222 Grant Street and check out Minted’s new pop-up shop for yourself.

BONUS: VISIT MINTED IN PERSON AND WALK AWAY WITH A FREE WEDDING LOGO AND/OR MONOGRAM, PLUS TAKE HOME A COMPLIMENTARY LETTERPRESS ART PRINT MEMENTO WITH YOU AND YOUR PARTNER’S NAMES—PICK YOUR COLOR AND WATCH IT BEING MADE IN FRONT OF YOU.

CLICK HERE TO SCHEDULE AN APPOINTMENT WITH ONE OF MINTED’S STYLE EXPERTS. OR DROP IN TO 222 GRANT STREET IN SAN FRANCISCO ANYTIME TO VISIT AND CHECK THINGS OUT FOR YOURSELF! NO APPOINTMENT NECESSARY. THEY’RE ONLY OPEN UNTIL THE END OF OCTOBER, SO DON’T WAIT TOO LONG!