Winning the award for most hilarious email to land in my inbox this week, we have this, from the imitable Kimi:
My friend just told me that her friend bought her "perfect wedding shoes" for $1000.
As my friend said, "she has seriously lost the plot".
Heeeeeee. Because, yes.
And also, who hasn't had a day or two when they (achem) lost the plot?
Did I ever tell you about the funniest wedding dream I had? I didn't? Good.
So "My Mother-In Law" (who was in no way David's actual mother, just some random dream character) kept introducing me to everyone as "David's first wife." And I kept saying, "Please don't call me his first wife. That's really insulting." And she would say, "but you are his first wife, dear, he hasn't had another."
Every time I tell David the story of this dream, he laughs so hard he tears up.
The End.
It's funny how the seductive whispers of conformity can sneak up on you when you least expect it. We were walking into a banquet hall for a Bar Mitzvah this weekend, and walked past a gaggle of bridesmaids wearing the dresses I would be least inclined to dress anyone in (but the ones I dreamed about as a four year old) long, satin, frothy, pink concoctions. And suddenly there I was, staring and sighing.
Me: Don't you ever feel a little bit sad, and think maybe we should have dressed everyone in matching outfits for the wedding? Look at those girls....
David: Um. No. They look like they are going to prom.
Me: But weddings are like prom for grownups.
David: Grrrrreeeeeeaaaaaaatttttt.
Some days, you just can't win. Even with yourself.
Lady To Her Friend: (flipping through letterpress invites) I don't know, I mean, maybe I could go with this invitation suite, but it's fuchsia and black, and our colors are fuchsia and grey, which is much more chic, and I'm just afraid these will send the wrong message about the wedding.
Me to Myself: Brides are scary. And weird.
(pause)
Myself to Me: Ah! You are a bride! Right now! And you're here buying wedding invitations.
Me to Myself: Oh my god, that's right. What am I buying again? (looks down at hands) Cream card stock. Oh. Right.
I've noticed that I've started making a small running list in my head of my own arbitrary wedding planning rules, and I thought I'd share what's on the list so far:
Got your own?
*Oddly, of all the wedding decisions we've made, the one that we've taken the most heat for is not having wedding colors. Are you kidding me? Do we live in 1955? What is it about weddings and being unable to think outside the box? Whew. Vent over.
**I have, of late, restrained my commentary on wedding trends, so as to not risk offending some of my more delicate readers. It seems, however, that my inner censor has gone on vacation. Delicate readers, avert your eyes.**
Questions to ask yourself before planning a Marie Antoinette themed wedding:
*Gay men: I do think you have better taste than this.
**And with that final volley of sass, I'm off for Thanksgiving. Happy travels, and much unedited dishing to each of you! And for all my non-American readers, have a scotch in our honor. This year, for a change, you might just wish you were us!**
Hi, I'm Meg Keene and I live in San Francisco. I started this blog to talk about planning our 2009 wedding, but it grew to include a lot of grounded smart-alecky women talking intelligently about their weddings and marriages. My first book, A Practical Wedding, was released in January 2012.
*photograph by Emily Takes Photos
