Periodically on APW, someone accuses me of being anti-tradition, and I get really sad. I talk about how we have a church weddings section. I talk about how we have a lot of brides wearing white. I talk about how I make sure there are posts supporting whatever choices you want to make, wherever they are on the spectrum.
Then I always point out that no matter how indie our wedding looked (the hip look was partially just good photographers, partially the fact that I wore a short dress), our wedding service was very traditional. We had *the* traditional Jewish service, with lots of Hebrew, lots of God-talk, the seven blessings in their original form, the traditional vows in Hebrew, the works. When you ask our wedding guests, they will describe the service as “very traditional,” but most of them also describe it as “very emotional.” People seem to see those things as diametrically opposed, so what gives?
I started to see the real answer when I was talking about this with Danae in the comments. She said:
“You think APW is pro-tradition because your definition of “traditional” is something along the lines of “we thought a lot about it and decided that we wanted to echo the centuries-old tradition of our cultures and beliefs,” and when someone else defines “traditional,” they mean, “we did what everyone expected us to do.”
And I was like, “OH! Right! Of course that’s what I think traditional means! Of course!” and then “Oh my god, that’s not what everyone else means when they say traditional? I didn’t get that.”
So. I thought maybe it was time to have a chat about having a really traditional ceremony (because that feels right to you) and rocking the hell out of it (because, of course!)
So first of all: traditional ceremonies do not have to be boring. Period. We need to just wipe that idea off of the face of the earth. I’ve seen so many brides approach planning their service by saying, “Well, it’s traditional, so you know it’s going to be boring and there is nothing I can do.” Whenever I hear that I want to grab said bride’s shoulders and shake her, and say something like, “You want a traditional service because that’s part of who you are, right? So stop belittling yourself, and start seeing your amazing self-worth. Who you are is awesome. And if having a traditional ceremony is part of who you are, your traditional ceremony is going to be AWESOME.” Or, in short, there is no quicker way to make a ceremony boring than to have the bride and groom think it’s boring. That sort of prophecy is always self-fulfilling.
So, how do you approach a traditional wedding service and make it something that you feel like you can live inside? Continue reading Making A Traditional Service Your Own
Here in the more indie wedding community, it's become really fashionable to say, "Forget tradition, we're not doing anything traditional in our wedding. We're doing it all our way!" Now, anyone who reads this blog knows how much I support having a joyful wedding that represents your most vibrant self, and to heck with the cookie cutter wedding. But I think that mindlessly ditching tradition can be just as bad as mindlessly following it.
