Entrepreneurship

Jan 2012

"He hadn't pushed through that one last barrier, his fear of succeeding, beyond which the world lay totally open to him." —Chad Harbach, The Art of Fielding

This year has been hard. There. I said it. As I've been trying to wrap my head around the fact that I've been working for myself all year, as I've gone back and read each monthly post I've written about self-employment, the only honest thing I can say is that this year has been staggeringly difficult. It's also been by turns magnificent, surprising, and joyful. It's clearly been life-changing. It has been actually awesome, full of awe.

But I think the two defining words for this year are success and terror.

I went through large parts of my twenties consumed with worry that I wouldn't make something of myself, that I wouldn't live up to my own internal standard of success. I have something inside me, wound up like a spring, that won't let me stop until I'm creating something and putting it out into the world. In my early twenties, when I was one of three partners in a theatre company, I had that moment of feeling like everything clicked. I was running a creative business, producing shows, doing something that I thought mattered. The only problem was that running a small theatre company in New York City is virtually financially unsustainable. So when that project ended, I spent years feeling around in the dark, trying to figure out what else would work for me, scared out of my mind that I wouldn't find something and that my time would run out. And the simple reason I got to where I am now is that I could not rest until I'd gotten to that place where things clicked again. I'm profoundly lucky that for me, unlike so many creatives, that drive was constructive not destructive. For me, that drive was paired with an entrepreneurial drive, the skills to hustle, the desire to create a business structure that could support and sell my work. So I'm running a business, not drinking myself to death in a corner somewhere, and I'm acutely aware of what a blessing that is.

After that period, I thought things could not get more scary than the constant gnawing fear that I was not doing what I was made to do. Sadly, this assumption was false. I was absent the day that the "nothing is more terrifying than success" memo got passed out. Or maybe that memo never got distributed because no one wanted to be the asshole that said, "I got what I wanted, and it's scary as shit." So, f*ck it. I'm going to come out and say it because I would have felt a hell of a lot less alone this year, had I known.

Let's start here: It turns out that success looks totally different than it feels. Success looks like everything magically coming together for another human, who (when it's happening to anyone other than me) I immediately imbue with slight magical powers. This is happening for them and not for me because they are half-human half-magic. Duh! Logic! The thing is this is not, strictly speaking, true. From the inside, success feels like being in the center of a hurricane that you are both in charge of and is threatening to pull you apart.

This year at least, I found that things did not happen to me, as much as I made things happen. And then managed the things happening. And then followed up on the things happening. Success didn't happen to me, nor did my year feel like it was about success, except in retrospect. Instead, I woke up almost every morning feeling terrified because I was going to push myself as hard as I could and as far as I could. I was going to push myself to the point where I felt comfortable, and then push myself way beyond that point. I was going to do that over and over and over, all year long.

By the end of the year, I was going to learn a lot about my own personal terror cycle:

Set a really ambitious seeming goal
Say, "Oh yeah, I can totally do that."
Start working on it
Panic
Have something go wrong
Possibly have an actual panic attack
Keep working
Have the thing happen imperfectly but wonderfully
Slowly feel panic recede
Surf a wave of joy

...Over and over and over. By the end of the year, this cycle would start playing out in hyperspeed. Because the strange thing about success is that it pushes you up against your own limits faster than you thought humanly possible. I spent this year worrying about turnout for each individual event that APW threw. And now I'm facing down a whole book tour worth of events. And interviews. And new experiences. In very rapid succession. And I've learned that the only way through... is through. So I just push through work, panic, work, more panic, event, joy, as fast as I can. Over and over again.

Success is some of the most terrifying shit I've ever experienced. And I never saw it coming.

When I look back at my writing in entrepreneurship this year, some themes emerge: Showing up every day no matter how you feel. Doing the work without worrying if it's good or bad. The importance of building my work life around the core of my creative craft. Pushing through the fear over and over again. The fact that it's been hard (surprisingly hard). Letting Go. Joy. Here are some of the best bits: Continue reading Working For Yourself: One Year

Posted in: Entrepreneurship, Life, Meg's Thoughts | 102 Comments »

Jan 2012

Welcome to APW 2012!

Hello! Hi! We're back!

Happy 2012, you guys. I hope your holidays were wonderful and restful. After a profoundly exhausting year, my holidays were great (which is really something, because I generally find holidays to be crazy stressful). We pulled off a lovely Christmas, and at one point, we actually slept so much it made us tired. Win, right?

But now we're back and excited to dive into 2012 APW style. This year includes a book tour (more on that tomorrow), finally introducing secret projects, brand new intern writers (we're still working on that by the way... it took me three eight hour days just to read the applications—you guys blew me away), and... generally exciting stuff. I think I can speak for the APW Team when I say we're thrilled to be back and to get going.

Which brings me to our brand new navigation! While most people were off stuffing their faces with cookies (which I hope you were... I baked and ate more gluten-free cookies than is technically good for a person), we were rolling out some new navigation for APW. The site has grown by leaps and bounds since we relaunched it not-quite two years ago, and the navigation needed an overhaul. So! There are new drop down menus at the top and lots of new goodies hidden all over. Here are some of my favorite bits:

Meg's Thoughts: As the blog has grown, it's not just my voice anymore, which is an awesome thing. But I wanted there to be a place that was all my writing. So we've got it! You can sort by the categories I talk about most often, or you can just get the full scoop.
Pinterest: APW now has a Pinterest page, and it's kind of... rad. After resisting the pull of Pintrest forever, I'm now hooked. We've used it as a way to catalogue some of our favorite wedding images (from APW and beyond) in a way that you can actually find what you're looking for. Wanting dress inspiration? Flower inspiration? Shoe pictures? Or just pictures of joy? Yep. We've got it all and more, APW style. Plus, the APW team will keep pinning to those boards every day, so get on Pintrest and follow us already.
New Downloadable Wedding Planning Spreadsheets: In the book, I promised wedding spreadsheets you can download to plan this thing. Now they're here! Together with Lowe House Events, and a ton of work from APW staffers Kate and Maddie, we created kick-ass spreadsheets to help making the actual planning part of your wedding more manageable. You can kiss us on the mouth later, after you use them.
Wordless Weddings: Everyone loves them, so now they have their own page.
Ask Team Practical: Speaking of things we all adore, now ATP has a page sorted by question types, so you can find an answer and a lively debate on whatever your current dilemma is.
Just Engaged Page: It's early January, so my bet is that there are a sizable number of you who are newly engaged. (Congratulations! Squeeee!) Now you have a page to help you get started and to lay out the APW philosophy for you, Cliff's Notes style.
Just Married Page: Your one page guide to some of my very favorite Reclaiming Wife discussions, which is like a catalogue of some of my favorite things in the world.
Downloadable Content from the APW Book: You know. Just in case you wanted to give it a test run before you bought it. (Thank you for your amazing Amazon reviews, by the way. They totally made my holidays.)

And more! Poke around. Find new things. Re-find old things that you loved. Enjoy. And please don't worry. I didn't spend my holidays doing this. With lots of help from Super Runaway, Liz, and the team, we spent our November and December doing this. We just sneakily rolled it out when you weren't looking.

Happy 2012 you guys. Let's do this thing.

Smooches,
Meg

Posted in: Entrepreneurship, Meg's Thoughts | 33 Comments »

Dec 2011

The APW Book, Spreading The Word, And Happiest of Holidays

Writing a book was full of surprises. Like, for one, I felt reasonably good at it (who knew?). Or, for two, I didn't have a single meltdown during the process (not what I was expecting, to say the least). But I was much more scared about promoting a book and sending it out into the world. The day before APW Book Buy Day I said, "It's hard for me to let go, and know that I've done everything I can do, and that I have to entrust this to your hands, and just let it fly, but here we are." So the really surprising part about book promotion has been that so far, is that it's been wonderful (stressful, tiring, emotional, scary, and wonderful).

One of the first surprises for me, was that when people got their books, they started sending me pictures on Twitter. First it was one picture, then two, then an avalanche. And when I mentioned this to APW Editor Kate, she said I had to make a montage of pictures, to keep. So, with APW Editor Maddie's help, we did. And the picture at the top center? The one that has my heart? That's one of the first readers of APW ever, and the first wedding graduates ever, with the book and her daughter. That research paper yesterday on how you guys stick around to create this community? You really do.

And now, I've been surprised again. As you guys are starting to read the book, I'm getting more and more thank you emails, which is completely unexpected and mindblowingly awesome. I love you guys.

So before we dive into proper book promotion (the book officially comes out on January 1!) I have a few holiday requests of you guys:

If you read the book and liked it, please consider leaving a review on Amazon. Elissa R. Photo's review is currently among the nicest things anyone's ever said about my work. Plus, you'll do an extra holiday good deed! My grandmother is closely watching all the Amazon reviews, so you have the chance to totally make her day.
Ask for your local bookstore to stock the book, and tell them why you like it. The next hurdle as a first time author is getting the book onto shelves where beleaguered brides and grooms will actually see it, pick it up, and then run holding it like a football under their arm, to the register (or that's how I imagine it).

I'd be super grateful.

And finally: New York City, save the date for a book talk and after party in Park Slope on the afternoon and evening of Saturday January 28. More details to come, but it will be good. Excellent, even.

And with that, I'll see you all on Tuesday January 3, well rested, and ready to do this thing. (Though, you might stop back now and then over the holidays. With a book out there, you never know when some interesting press mention or book tour date might come down the pipe. If it does, I'll let you know. Otherwise, I'll be napping with some eggnog within easy reach.)

All the love in the world, ladies. And peaceful, restful, holidays.

xoxoxoxo
Meg

Photos (clockwise from top left): @LisaRicePhoto, Nicole, @PracticalAlyssa, @MEdgemont, @KoruWedding, @KalinKadink, @SmartyMagee, @ElissaRPhoto, @LoweHouse

Posted in: Entrepreneurship, Life, Meg's Thoughts | 43 Comments »

Dec 2011

APW in 2011…

I'm sitting here, in front of a bank of holiday cards, trying to figure out how to sum up 2011, for APW and for me. It's hard to put words to it because it was a huge year. It was a wonderful year, but also it was a hard year. I quit my job to work for APW full time. I wrote a book. David started a new job. APW doubled in size. (In content: Two posts a day now! And in readers: Hi all you new ladies! And in staff: Hello to Kate, Emily, and Maddie!) We threw a huge party in New York to celebrate marriage equality. David and I traveled. My book came out.

That, my friends, is enough for three years rolled into one. In case you were wondering if it was a brillant idea to write a book from scratch, and have it launch, all in the same year while running a business: It's a CRAZYPANTS IDEA. And I don't mean that in the "you should do it" kind of way. Uh-uh. This year didn't stop coming at me, and through all of it I was trying to navigate through the waters of self-employment for the first time. It wasn't easy, and I spent a lot of time looking wide-eyed and worried about just how I was going to pull any of it off. But I did. We did. Somehow.

But it was also a wonderful year. And the wonder of it all washed over me in the moments I was able to be still. In August, I realized just what we'd created while listening to a single cello play "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" as two grinning men walked down the aisle to be married legally in New York State. In September, I got to look at the pages of my book for the first time in the Istanbul airport, and it felt like floating on air. Earlier this month, I toasted with tequila and it sunk in that my book had made the Amazon bestseller list. In pre-orders. In the holiday season. Whoa. Last week, I opened a box from my publisher to find stacks of books, each with my name right on the cover and tiny fireworks went off over my head.

And this weekend. This weekend we had a staff party, and I was just generally enjoying myself, like it was any regular party. But then, toward the end, I looked around the Karaoke room as everyone sung along to the Dixie Chicks version of "Landslide" (Who requested that? For shame! Always request the original version of Landslide! It's a rule!) and I realized that this wasn't just any old group of people. This was the APW staff, APW sponsors, and the APW community. It was the community that grew out of something I started. And that was a huge thing. And blessing and a responsibility, but also a joy. Continue reading APW in 2011…

Posted in: Entrepreneurship, Life, Meg's Thoughts | 35 Comments »

Dec 2011

Working For Yourself: Month Eleven (The Big)

Before we get into what happened yesterday (and we will get into what happened yesterday), I need to talk about this last month. I've mentioned before I dove into this first year of self-employment telling myself that my job was exactly the same as it had always been (writing posts, selling ads), but that this year I'd have more time to do it, and I'd also write a book. It turns out, that was sort of a lie.

But there is also this one other *tiny* thing that I've been lying to myself about. I've been lying to myself about the fact that real live people (lots of them) read my blog. And as with all lies we tell ourselves, sometimes they save our sanity for a little bit, but eventually they fall apart. Sometimes they fall apart in ways that feel hard to grapple with (like most of this month) and sometimes they fall apart in blindingly wonderful ways (like yesterday).

At every step of the blog's growth, I've had some serious growing pains. It turns out that I'm a kind of private person (which is perpetually interesting as a blogger), so I've worked to be careful about what parts of myself I put out for public comment. I want to talk, endlessly, about ideas—but I don't want to talk about or justify, say, how I decorate my home, the day to day of my family life, or deeply personal decisions. So I've walked a line with what I share here. Long time readers will remember that (mostly due to my corporate job) I didn't show a picture of my face for the first year and a half (big reveal here, with a gun). We didn't share a ton of wedding photos with the internet, and most of the ones I picked to share didn't even have my face in them (that was not a conscious choice). And over much of my blogging career I've posted few enough pictures of me that I spent a year interacting with a long time reader twice a week without him figuring out who I was.

So this year, as the blog has grown, I've simply pretended that it's just this little project I work on from my kitchen table, la-la-la. And this month, that sort of fell apart on me, in all sorts of ways.

It started a few minutes before Amber took this picture of me at Camp Mighty. When I went to Mighty Summit a year ago, I felt like I was in the perfect position. I'd made enough professional headway to get invited, but no one knew who I was (which meant zero expectations). This year, at Camp Mighty, I pretended that it was going to be exactly the same way. It wasn't. When I walked into the first party, four or five people I didn't know said hi to me. Still operating in my little self-delusion bubble, I thought, "Hum. I wonder how they know who I am?" (Oh, internet, apparently you go... everywhere?) Then two seconds before this picture was taken, some lovely ladies stopped me and said, "You're Meg." And you guys, I'm an idiot. I totally froze. I said, "Yes." And then they said, "You're Meg!" again. And I looked super baffled and said, "I totally am...." and then I ran off to take these pictures. That's grace, kids. (Slams head into the desk.)

And the thing is, I know why I do what I do. It's about the work, and about getting to write, and about sharing ideas with a whole bunch of smart people, and about getting to run a creative business. And I want it to be about the work, not about me. But this month I realized that's not going to be the case, all of the time. So negotiating that has been tricky for me. Finding the real goodness in a bigger platform has been hard at some moments this month, but yesterday that goodness became breathtakingly clear.

Holy crap yesterday. Yesterday, when you guys single handedly pushed up The APW Book to #29 on Amazon US, and #77 on Amazon Canada. Yesterday, which was the most awe inspiring day of my professional life. Yesterday, when I got a feeling for what the APW community actually is, and for what it can be. Yesterday. I am so grateful. And overwhelmed. And kind of hung over. And grateful. And in awe.

Clearly, I have not wrapped words around all of this yet. So I thought I'd wrap words around what I learned, instead. Yesterday taught me a variation of the lesson I've learned over and over again all year, and the whole time I was trying to sell the book: You can't succeed without being willing to fail with full force. You can't figure out how far you can go, until you push yourself so far that you risk completely falling on your face. And seriously? This never stops sucking, don't kid yourself. Continue reading Working For Yourself: Month Eleven (The Big)

Posted in: Entrepreneurship, Meg's Thoughts | 105 Comments »

Dec 2011

The Great APW Book Buy Starts Now!

Final Update (for now): 5:00 PM PST

Hi all! I realized people were wondering why I wasn't updating. It wasn't that I was out celebrating (though I will be soon), but that the book ranking has held steady at #29 on Amazon for hours (which, in itself is amazing) so I didn't have crazy stats to update you on. I will say though that we ended the day as #1 in Movers and Shakers, #9 in Hot New Releases (whoa, right), and #1 and #2 in weddings (paper, and Kindle). Let's hope that's the beginning of a sea change in how weddings are thrown in this country, no?

It's been overwhelming and crazy and thrilling, and I hope it matters for more than today. I hope it matters in how we all think about community, support, and economies, and I hope it matters a bit for weddings. Because to quote the Caitlin Moran interview I was watching last night, to calm myself the f*ck down, "I do, a bit, want to totally change the world."

But before we call it a night, Other Meg, she of La Vie En Rose Events in New York (brand new APW sponsor) would like to give four of you who couldn't afford the book copies. She says:

The spirit of the APW community is so effing inspiring every day and even more so today! I can’t tell you how many times as a wedding planner I have reiterated APW wisdom to my clients (or pissy mothers). Or how many times I’ve referred to APW to reassure myself that I’m not the only one who thinks this way (we can’t all be batshit crazypants, right?).

So, in the combined spirits of gratitude & paying it forward while indulging my shopaholic tendencies, WHO NEEDS A BOOK? I’ve been a budgeted to the pennies bride to be, so I know there must be folks out there dying to break their spending embargoes. So, I want to buy 4 more copies for the first 4 people to email me shipping info to laverevents (at) gmail.

So clearly, take her up on that, now!

And the darling and emotional A Girl, one of the ladies who held my hand through all of this, had this to say (she burst into tears in the UK when the book hit #29):

As this day winds to a close I’m left feeling somewhat drained, but exhilarated, heart bursting with pride for this new, best-selling creation and the friend who conceived it and willed it into being over many long months. As part of the extended APW sisterhood, I’d like to believe that if ever it was possible for a book to have a bevy of doting aunties, it would be this one, and then how incredibly honoured would I be to feel part of the awe-inspiring community that helps to raise it.

I don't have anything more coherent to add at this juncture, though I'll try to put things into words somewhat properly tomorrow afternoon, when I write about the eleventh month of self employment. Till then, I leave you with a heart full of love, and a deeply marvelous Wedding Graduate coming your way in the morning. Because doing our job, that's how we roll...

And please, don't get me wrong. If you want to buy the book and haven't yet, please do. For all that this feels like the end of something big, it's just the beginning. The book isn't even OUT yet! So, onward and upward.

Now, off to drink a whole lot of expensive tequila.

Love, love, and more love,

Meg

Update #5: 2:00 PM PST

Um, it turns out, A Practical Wedding: Creative Solutions for Planning a Beautiful, Affordable, and Meaningful Celebration is now a top thirty book on Amazon. We just hit #29. The real reason this is mindblowing, not only given that it's the holidays and 3/4ths of the books bought this year will be bought this month... or something totally crazy like that... But. Once you get into the top levels of the Best Seller list, headwinds are against you. They give weight to sales over the past month, not just sales over the past day, and the numbers sold get really, really high.

That said, we're nine slots away from being on the front page of the Amazon Best Seller List. Which? Is crazy. Is totally, totally, totally crazy for a first time author without any mainstream press clout. It currently looks like this:

I, for one, am totally shell shocked. And getting close to ready to break out the champagne. I'm so grateful and overwhelmed, I'm not even sure how to process this. But I'm going to try. Thank you guys, again.

Update #4: 1:15 PM PST

You guys! Things are happening so fast that I'm literally forgetting to update everyone because I'm so boggled. We hit 34 on Amazon. THIRTY F*CKING FOUR. Do you know how hard that is? OVER THE HOLIDAYS? Then I found out we hit #82 on Amazon in Canada. That's the top 100 IN TWO COUNTRIES. I know. Then my wonderful editor called from New York, sounding totally giddy.

And a special shout out to David Malki of Wondermark, whom I've known so long I don't know how long it's been (elementary school sometime), from whom we blatantly stold the APW book buy idea, for being awesome, and tweeting about it.

I took a shower, and then all this happened, and now I need to get dressed. And maybe eat. IT IS CRAZY AROUND HERE TODAY.

I love you guys. This is all you.

Update #3: 11:50 AM PST

You guys. We're THE MOVER AND SHAKER (link fixed!) on Amazon. For all of Amazon. As my friend Marie-Eve just said, "Never underestimate the power of community."

Update #2: 11:30 AM PST

You guys, we have cracked the Amazon Bestseller list, with the APW book coming in at #96. No wait, I am updating this as I'm typing it.... A Practical Wedding: Creative Solutions for Planning a Beautiful, Affordable, and Meaningful Celebration is at #63. WHAT? Do you have any idea how hard that is to do in the holiday season? Lemmie just clear that up for you: it's hard. The book is also #17 in Hot New Releases (I sh*t you not, I just beat Bill Clinton's book. That is possibly the single craziest fact in my day so far, as a die hard political junkie), #1 Craft/Hobbies/Home (getting married is a craft!), and #1 in wedding releases. YOU GUYS DID THIS.

Because good news tends to follow good news, I got a call from my publisher, while I was at the gym, a minute before I found out that we'd broken through to the bestseller list to find out good news about not one, but TWO stops of the APW book tour. More on that when... there is more on that... but good things are finally happening in an area of promotion, that I was worried about.

So, all you afternoon readers of APW, of which there are many of you... it's up to you to push this thing over the top. (Is it even possible to push it over the top from here? I honestly don't even know.) But it's up to you, if we want to try. If you're just getting a break in your day, or have been pondering placing an order today but were not totally sure... you can make this thing happen.

Nothing but gratitude. Now I should probably get out of my gym clothes.... off to do that.

Update #1: 7:40 AM PST

Good morning you guys! Last week, A Practical Wedding: Creative Solutions for Planning a Beautiful, Affordable, and Meaningful Celebration (whatever, I can say my own full book title as often as I want, no??) was number 233,000 on Amazon. Last night we were 30,000 (which means people-who-were-not-you-guys were buying it this week, eeep).

As of right now, early on this west coast morning, we're number 659 on Amazon. And that's even in Holiday book buy season! Profound heartfelt thanks to those of you that ordered it this morning, and to those of you who haven't yet... EEEP! I think we can push this book to the top 100 list, and you get to be the ones that do it.

I'm overwhelmed and excited. I'm going to go gallop a mile or so to get it all out, and then I'll report back.

DOIN' IT,

MEG

****

Here We Go...

This is happening... NOW. The goal for the day is to all pitch in together (Including me! I'm totally playing! If you write a book, it makes the best Christmas present, right?) and push A Practical Wedding: Creative Solutions for Planning a Beautiful, Affordable, and Meaningful Celebration up the Amazon Best Seller list for a day (hint: also, the wedding bestseller list is right here if you want to peek at that).

For the uninitiated, the book will hold your hand through wedding planning from start to finish, in a logical this-is-the-plan way that the blog can't. Plus you can hand this to your mother (or partner, or best girlfriend, or dad) to get her to understand where you're coming from. If you're already married, it's a great gift for your engaged girlfriends... or you can just buy it to support the site. (Fun fact: If this book does well, my chances of writing a post-wedding book are exponentially increased. And we all want that, amiright?)

So, while we're focusing on Amazon today, please feel free to pre-order it from your preferred seller:

Amazon
Barnes & Noble
Indie Bound (which helps support brick and mortar bookstores near you)

A few thoughts for the worriers:

While the book is on pre-order, and its technical publication date is January, it shipped from the publisher's warehouse yesterday. If you order it now, you should get it in one and a half or two weeks, in time for Christmas gifts.
The way Amazon counts, we probably only have a chance of pushing the paper version of the book up the Amazon US Best Seller list (though, I suppose you never know).
But: what really matters to me over the long run is that you buy the book, read it, like it, tell your friends about it, tell your local indie bookstore about it, review it online, and generally enjoy it. Pushing the book up a best seller list will last for a day or so, but you buying and loving the book is what lasts forever. So, buy the book the way you want to buy the book. (Kindle! Indie book store! In the UK!) I'll be super grateful that you did.

Let's do this.

You may now buy the book!

Picture: The book dedication. Personal for A Practical Wedding.

Posted in: Entrepreneurship, Meg's Thoughts | 513 Comments »

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