Weddings

Jul 2011

Ask Meg: Surviving The Pre-Engaged State

My boyfriend and I have known each other for over 15 years, been close friends for over 9 and have been dating exclusively for almost 4 years. We are both 28-years-old. We talk about marriage. We talk about the things we'd like to include in our hypothetical wedding. And yet, we're not "officially" engaged. He has told me that he feels like he needs to have a better job before we get married, and he has said that it is very important to him to be the one who proposes. He says he has a plan, but won't elaborate past that. He tends to get a long-suffering look on his face when I mention it.

I have told him that I feel a lot of sadness over not being engaged yet and that the longer I wait, the harder it is for me to hang out in my own personal limbo without losing my sh*t. I have told him that I don't think we should wait, since I want to help support him as he pursues his dreams, not wait in the wings for them to come true. I think he feels that he should have all his ducks in a row before we get hitched. I disagree. I think getting married means that I can come with him while he goes after his education and dream career. I think we can line our ducks up together, and it'll be way easier with two people. 'Cause, you know, ducks are wily.

So I'm really torn. I don't want to pressure him, but I feel like a bit of an idiot just waiting around at this point. What am I supposed to do now? I feel so frustrated and lost, and as someone who has struggled with anxiety and depression my whole life, this feels like the ultimate gauntlet. I try to focus on the fact that our relationship is otherwise fantastic, but it's getting more and more difficult to do that. I just don't understand why someone who clearly loves and admires me, who tells me daily that I am amazing, who treats me as his partner and equal and with whom I have amazing chemistry would still be waiting to propose. Most of the time I am absolutely sure that he is the man I will marry. Other times, I wonder if I'll still be waiting next year and the year after that and on and on until it destroys us. I also feel a little left behind by our friends, who are mostly married with kids now or are planning weddings. Will I be 30, still just plodding along with my boyfriend while everyone I know is raising babies? I don't think I can live with that.

—L.

Dear L,

Well, my dear, ducks are wily. I don't think I've ever heard it put better than that. So, knowing that you're wise, let's dive into this issue. It seems to me there are several things going on here, so let's parse this out.

Ducks Are, In Fact, Wily

Lesson number one: your partner doesn't feel ready to get hitched. He thinks he needs to get his ducks in a row; you think you can get your ducks in a row when you\'re married. And both of you are right. Last year, someone wrote to me saying that she was ready to get married, but she didn't have the money. And I told her F*ck The Economy (Get Married Now). Because, when you're ready to get married, you shouldn't let things like not having a swimming pool full of money hold you back.

But here, I think the issues are a little different. It sounds like your partner genuinely does not feel ready to get married. And that's fair. I'd also argue that there does not have to be a rush. David and I have a timeline spookily like yours. We'd known each other for nine years before we got together, and were in a serious relationship for five years before we got hitched. And for a long time we just didn't feel ready to get married. We knew we wanted to get married to each other at some point, but we wanted to feel like we had our lives sorted out a bit more first. We wanted to feel like we were heading towards careers; we wanted financial stability. While we didn't want all our ducks in a line, we wanted them to at least be toddling towards the place where they might consider lining up, and they were not ready to do that yet, adorable wee duckies that they were.

So it's fair that your partner isn't quite ready to get hitched. And while I'd like to tell you F*ck The Ducks (Get Married Now), sometimes you have to wait on your partner a bit. But what's not fair is his lack of communication around the issue. "I have a plan," sounds great, right till the point that your partner walks out on you because she's sick of waiting (ducks are wily indeed). So that brings me to... Continue reading Ask Meg: Surviving The Pre-Engaged State

Posted in: Ask Meg, Engagements & Proposals, Meg's Thoughts, Weddings | 208 Comments »

May 2011

On Wedding Friendors

This morning, Carrie talked about Friendors, and discovering that her friends were, in fact, capable of awesomeness, even if they were not indie graphic designer composer wedding dress designers. So I had to share this bit of amazingness from reader Jamie, that I found when going through wedding budgets you guys sent in:

I went to a bridal fair and shmarmy wedding planner guy asked "Can you REALLY trust your friends?"

And I said, "Uh, yes, that's why they're my friends."

Fin.

Posted in: Meg's Thoughts, Sass, Weddings | Comments Off

Mar 2011

On Snippet & Ink: Loving Without Envy

Have I mentioned to you guys that I share an office with Kathryn of Snippet & Ink? Well, I do. And yesterday I walked into the office and she said, "Meg, the wedding I'm posting tomorrow has you written all over it." And she could not have been more right. When I flipped out over this picture she pointed out that it was basically the same picture taken of me at our wedding. Maybe the bride and I are soul sisters, a little.

The wedding between two London theatre people.... and get this, it took place in an abandoned mansion on North Wales with no electricity, that hadn't been lived in for 60 years. Because that's the kind of parties this couple throws. And Kathryn said, wisely (I'm paraphrasing), "The trouble is, we see a wedding like this and we think that we need to throw a wedding in an abandoned mansion. And we don't. That's not us. But it is them. So we just need to appreciate what it is." Which is so exactly it.

That, and the 30-foot wedding cake was a fireworks bonfire. I'm just saying.

So anyway, go see it all, right this second. You're welcome.

Photographs: Nick Tucker, layouts by Snippet & Ink

Posted in: Manifestos, Meg's Thoughts, Style, Weddings | 26 Comments »

Feb 2011

Wedding Overexposure

This weekend, I was chatting with a friend who's a new convert to wedding blogs. After she dismissed APW as "Too wordy." (Ha! True!) we started discussing another wedding blog that we both adore. And she neatly pin-pointed the single biggest problem with, well, wedding blogs. She said, "I don't know. After a while everything just starts looking the same, and I'm rebellious so I think, "I'll do it differently! I won't even HAVE flowers at my wedding! And then I realize I am going crazy." And indeed, right? It made me think of Verhext's post on culling desire, and the ways that images endlessly tumbled mean something, and don't, and finding the way through this thicket of inspiration to our own hearts. So I was thrilled when this wedding graduate post from Lauren, the wedding planner behind It's Quintessential, popped into my mailbox this week. It helps us think through when inspiration helps, and when it doesn't, and when you just need to gut check already (hint: probably now).

Yesterday I came across this article on Overexposure at Little Green Notebook and it struck me as a topic that really reaches into all sorts of design including weddings and events. Are we overexposed? The social web is an amazing place full of endless possibilities and it truly brings the most up to date trends, ideas and inspiration right to your fingertips and eyeballs. The possibilities are endless when you're researching your wedding theme, colors, flowers, dress, cake, ceremony reading...the list goes on and on.

Are the possibilities too endless? Do you ever find yourself scrolling through pages of google search results for wedding ideas and you see so many amazing things that it is flat out overwhelming? You like the look of a loose bouquet of wildflowers but you also love the structure of a graphic bouquet of all red roses and then you see purple and your brain says "well I love purple too." Do you shut off, are you overwhelmed? No, you're over-exposed.

After working in the wedding industry for years I knew exactly what I wanted my wedding to be and look like. I wanted simple, classic, elegant and most of all, I wanted it to be relaxed. I did not want a lot of color, I wanted neutrals, an outdoor setting, simple bouquets and centerpieces that reflected who I am, just a simple, quiet girl with a classic sense of style. That's how I think of myself any how.

Once I started receiving questions from my guests on what I was planning, it became clear that they were expecting my wedding to be extravagant, over the top and completely up to date on the biggest trends. They were taking my profession and translating what I do for others into who I am. Truth be told, I was intimidated. I knew they expected amazing things, after all I work on amazing events, I create amazing things for other people and I love every minute of it. I let myself worry about what they would think when my little wedding didn't hold up to their expectations, I worried quite a bit and then I just got to a point where I told myself "it's my wedding, I'll do what I want to." And I did. Continue reading Wedding Overexposure

Posted in: Manifestos, Meg's Thoughts, Planning, Planning, Weddings | 99 Comments »

Feb 2011

Away, Reflecting

It's President's Day in the states, and I'm taking the day off to spend time with family and reflect.

It's been a hard week over here. A friend of ours lost her husband last week, far too soon. It made me think about 'Till death do us part' and what a life well lived means. So go, hug your partner and appreciate them. We'll see you back here tomorrow, talking about voyages and marriage and lives deeply lived.

Photo by the lovely Cara of Peonies and Polaroids

Posted in: Life, Meg's Thoughts, Personal Thoughts, Weddings | Comments Off

Oct 2010

On *Owning* Inspiration

Last week, the imitable Rebecca Woolf of Girls Gone Child wrote a piece about fashion where she noted the huge difference between inspiration and aspiration (You guys may not know her, since she’s a blogger-who’s-also-a-mother and sometimes those bloggers get less airplay on our corner of the web? Anyway you’ll love her. Done.) She wrote about how aspiration is those spreads in Vogue magazine with $50,000 dresses, inspiration is your favorite fashion blogger who blogs about how she put together an outfit with a $50 dress she found on sale at Macy's. Or Teen Vogue. She loves Teen Vogue.

For some reason, all week I kept thinking about this inspiration/aspiration dichotomy. I’m a huge lady mag and lady blog reader, and trust me, there is room in my life for both -ations. I like aspirational design blogs, and wedding porn, and fashion magazines. But at the end of the day, I’m an inspiration girl. I want you to break it down for me in ways that make sense. How can I make a super chic, ragingly fun wedding reception in my parents church social hall? How can I use what’s already in my closet to create really editorial outfits, that say something about who I am? How can I re-finish and re-arrange the furniture I have to make my living room work for me?

I think in a lot of ways we’re in a very inspirational cultural moment. We all have less money and fewer choices, and after years of excess, we’re all trying to figure out how to make the most with what we’ve got. And the blog-o-shere has really rushed into the gap left by print media. We’re all writing for each other about how we can do this, how we can improve our lives, how we can do more with less.

But then there is the trap. The trap of mistaking inspiration for aspiration.

I’ve wanted to meet Rebecca Woolf for a long time, because, I don’t know, she’s a young mom who’s really rocking motherhood and selfhood and a writing career at the same time. So, at Mighty Summit I started asking around to see if anyone knew her, and was up for introducing me. Heather Sphor was like, “Oh, h*ll yeah, of course I will.” But before I asked Heather, five people must have told me Rebecca was, “A glamazon”. I’d look puzzled, and ask, “Ok, but what is she like?” and people would say, “intimidating.” And I’d think, ‘Huh. Weird. That’s clearly not her personality, that’s a reaction. Why are women so easily scared of each other?" (And I’m super guilty of this, by the way, which is why I’m talking about it).

Rebecca and I got into a four hour gab fest this weekend (We got along? We can't shut up?), and at the end we were talking about fashion. She was saying that one of her personal missions was to get women (especially moms) to feel empowered to be stylish, just because they wanted to be. Or in her words, “How much longer does it take to put on pants than sweats? I rest my case.” And that’s when I mentioned the “glamazon” thing. And she shook her head at me in this really baffled way, and was like, “I don’t get it. I’m trying to say that style is NOT exclusive, and instead people think, ‘well, she’s stylish and I can never hope to live up to it.’” Which is exactly it. Continue reading On *Owning* Inspiration

Posted in: Life, Manifestos, Personal Thoughts, Style, Weddings | 130 Comments »

Weddings

Friends