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Jan 2012

If you found your way to APW through NPR's Talk of the Nation, welcome. You've found the website about wedding planning and marriage where every single (American) reader is also an NPR listener. (I'm pretty sure that's factual, actually.)

If you're interested in wedding planning, you can get started right here.
If you're interested in negotiating the cultural narrative around marriage, feminism, and bigger relationship questions, you can dig in over here.
And if you're interested in The APW book, you can download teaser pages right here and find a place to order it here.
If you're interested in how APW started and who is behind it, well, we've got that too.
And finally, that wedding in the middle of a snow storm that we talked about on air... well... it's a good one. Enjoy.

A reader once said, "APW is like a secret club that cool/smart/sassy women should get a link to when they get engaged. It took me way too long to find this..." And here you are. Welcome.

Photo of me & the book: One Love Photo

PS. You can listen to my interview on Talk of the Nation here.

Posted in: Book Tour, Entrepreneurship, Uncategorized | 39 Comments »

Jan 2012

Leah & Mark: Wow Wedding Contest

I have a deep love of people who are willing to look at the way the world works, see something they don't like, and change it. Making change, and making things happen is really hard, so I adore the people who will just look at a problem, and say, "Whatever. I'm doing this thing." Leah and Mark photography out of Atlanta are totally two of those people. In fact, this post came about because, when I emailed Mark about suddenly really needing to plan an Atlanta book tour stop, he said, "Give me an hour," and then, "Ok. I'll plan it." I mean who does that? Awesome people, that's who.

So, in exchange for that enormous favor, I wanted to post about a huge project Leah and Mark are working on. Basically, they wanted to produce a giveaway of a wedding, for a deserving couple. They told me, "We know that there are many people out there who are unable to have a wedding for many varied reasons. Now although we can’t possibly help everyone – we can help someone – and a few months ago we decided that we would give two people in love a full Wedding." So they partnered with 11Alive, their local NBC affiliate to make it happen. But the thing is, all the other mainstream ON TV wedding giveaways were for straight people only. And Leah and Mark knew that had to change. So, they made it happen. In fact, they said, "We had also approached Georgia's largest bridal show to be a part of this, except we had to turn them away when they wanted it explicitly stated in the contract that we would not accept same-sex couples from entering. Aw f*ck that." F*ck that indeed. So, "We went and found our own vendors that wanted to work with us. We didn't specifically target 'gay friendly' businesses because this wedding is more about supporting all marriage. Period. Straight. Gay. Awesome. Whatever. And yes—we know we’re in Georgia and we know the laws about marriage, but we’re doing this anyway. (Heck—only about a month ago could we FINALLY buy alcohol on Sunday in this state.)" So they partnered with Wedding Day Hooray, the indie wedding fair helping to throw the APW Book Tour in Atlanta, along with Equally Wed, the awesome same sex wedding magazine, to make this happen.

So! First, just YES. All of us need to be doing this work every single day, if you ask me. Second of all. What do you need to do to enter? Ok! Details:

The contest is limited to people living in the Atlanta area because since everything happens within the span of three months, so they need you THERE and available.
Enter at 11Alive, and read all the details there. (Note: This contest is not being run by APW!)
Read even more about it at LeahandMark.com

And. Think about what you can do in your day to day life to be an LGBTQ ally. Yeah, you're probably not going to throw a massive free wedding, but I guarantee you that you can do something.

Posted in: LGBTQ Weddings, Thoughts & Action, Uncategorized | 15 Comments »

Jan 2012

Book Tour By Amtrak: San Francisco to Salt Lake

I left for my book tour today. I'm not going to lie to you. I was pretty emotional. We were late getting to the train, thanks to traffic (side note: a great thing about Amtrak is you can show up five minutes before the train leaves and just jump on) and I cried and then got on the train. A minute later, David was scrambling on behind me. The conductor had told him to go up and help me to my room. When he left, my porter (my porter!) came by to give me a tour of my room and asked, "You miss that guy already?" and I said, "I'm going to be gone for a month, and I'm sad." And he nodded and said, "Understandable."

Which is, I think, a sum up of why this trip is blowing my mind. When I had that panic attack at 30,000 feet, someone pointed out that part of the trouble with flying isn't actually the flying, it's how you can feel sort of dehumanized by the process. Amtrak has been the opposite experience. The train is slower, sure. But there are also a ton of real life people ready to help me out if I have a question. There are volunteers from the California State Railroad Museum giving us a history tour as we go. The sleeper cars all have a huge fold out pamphlet describing all the interesting things you'll see. And when I went looking for paper towels (I have my own bathroom! And shower!) I realized instead they'd provided me with actual towels. What?!?

I feel like a person here. I feel like, maybe, in the rush to get on with things, we've all been missing something big. Because, sure, I'm not getting anywhere incredibly quickly, but with views like this, why on earth would I want to?

And yes. I miss my husband, already, a lot. Clearly he needs to take Amtrak with me, which I'm already plotting about. But there is something to be said for a marriage where you're really sad to leave, but also know you've got to go, because spreading your wings is your job.

P.S. I just saw the first snow of the trip!

P.P.S. Coming up in future days: why I feel like I'm on the Hogwarts Express! Sleeping in a sleeper car! Drinking coffee in my private room in the frigid morning with the heat keeping me all toasty! Seeing America! And more! Stay tuned.

Pictures from Instagram, where I'm charting the trip. Follow me on Twitter for more. I'll do a proper photo round up at some point, never fear.

**This post was made possible by Amtrak, who is sponsoring my book tour. Thank you Amtrak!**

Posted in: Book Tour, Life, Meg's Thoughts, Uncategorized | 41 Comments »

Jan 2012

Elissa R Photography in Austin, TX!

Today I'm delighted to get to write about Elissa R Photography in Austin, Texas, also serving San Antonio, Houston, and Dallas. Elissa has been reading APW almost since the beginning, and she came on as a sponsor just one year ago. This year has been such a journey of growth for her and her business, and it's been an honor to watch it from the sidelines. Over the course of 2011, Elissa shot APW couples, fell in love with you guys, and her portfolio went from being awesome to being mindblowingly good.

But it's not just that her photos will blow your mind, it's that Elissa R Photography has redoubled her commitment to being the most supportive vendor you could ask for. This year, I've watched her be intimately involved with other APW sponsors, giving them advice and cheering them along, as she grew her own business (hint: her new site is amazing). And why does this matter? Well, because a wedding photographer is going to be with you all day long, and you want the most supportive and awesome person you can find. Elissa is all that and more. I consistently hear from her clients that she goes above and beyond... and then goes above and beyond some more, to make sure they are taken care of.

All that, and Elissa R Photography is shockingly affordable. Her wedding packages start at just $2,000, and all include high resolution images, for you to do with what you will. Plus, she gives APW-ers discounts because she loves you. Mention APW and you get 10% off any package, always. Book before March 1, 2012 (wedding can be after that, but the booking has to occur before that date) and get 15% off any package. Plus, all packages include a complimentary engagement session, and you know what kind of awesomeness that results in. (Hint: Elissa has shot the only engagement session ever to end up on APW in full.)

Plus, Elissa is such a deeply integrated part of the site (she's been around since back when I was on blogger) that she gets you guys, and she loves you guys in a crazy deep awesome way. She told me, "APW and I are two peas in a pod. I love the intelligent conversations, the thought-provoking topics, the minds behind all of the words that make this community go. As a bride, I read APW for guidance. It's been two years since my wedding and I'm still reading APW every day, twice a day, because I can't get enough of this wonderful community. The people who have booked me from APW have been the kindest, sweetest, and most conscientious clients who treat me like a peer, not a hired hand. It's wonderful. It also rocks that we stay in touch after their weddings too, because we have so much in common."

And, of course, Elissa is one of the biggest supporters of the APW book ever (and I love her for it). She says, "I loved the book and related to it so much that I give copies of it to all of my clients, no matter where they found me. I think that APW (both the book and the community) fosters a healthy wedding industry, not the 'scary' industry that we are all too aware of."

Because it's early in the year, I asked Elissa to reflect on her 2011 and where she's going in 2012. Read it and grin, ladies. (I love when you guys get to be the positive forces in the universe for blossoming creative business owners.)

After my introductory post ran in December 2010, some APW-ers asked me to shoot their weddings! And it was awesome! I had put myself out there in the universe and APW delivered. I could count the number of weddings I had shot before my first APW wedding on one hand, but people believed in me. I've gotten emails and letters and cards from clients who are all so happy with what I've done for them, and it reinforced the feeling that this is what I wanted to do, and that I could make people happy while doing it.

This past year I met amazing people (such friendly people!) many of whom are friends of mine now. We talk about our pets and people know how much I love Nutella so I get a lot of links to Nutella recipes on twitter.

I also started sharing more of myself on my blog. I know I'm kind of awkward (in a good way, I hope) and since meeting more APW folk (sponsors and readers or both) who share personal stories on their sites, I feel like I know them better and want to know them further. I don't want to be that random person who takes beautiful photos but is unapproachable or all-business. So I've been sharing books and photos of my day to day life, as I chat about how much of a cat lady I've become.

I have high hopes for this year. I want to shoot double the number of weddings I shot last year. I want to meet more people, get tea with more clients, and resurrect the APW book club in Austin. (Editors note: This is so totally happening!)

So with that, I want all of you to pat yourselves on the back for allowing awesome artists like Elissa to grow their business and make amazing work. And Texas? Those of you with friends getting married in Texas? I think you've found your lady. Elissa R Photography. You're welcome.

This post includes Sponsors, who are a key part of supporting APW. For more information, see our Directory page for Elissa R Photography.

Posted in: Sponsored Posts, Uncategorized | 14 Comments »

Dec 2011

Why You Stay… (A PhD Paper on APW)

A huge number of really cool things happened this year at APW, some of them almost totally behind the scenes. One of those things was that Melissa Janoske, who's working on her PhD in in public relations, social media, and social capital, wrote a whole research paper on the APW community and why so many of you stick around after you get married. It's a fascinating paper, and she's willing to email it to any of you that are interested in reading it. But today she's here with a post about why she wrote on this topic and what she learned. It's interesting to me, not just as the person who runs APW, but as someone who's made some of her best girlfriends in the world through blogging. Why do we bond the way we do online? What happens when those relationships go from virtual relationships to solid real life relationships that nurture us? How does that happen? How can online communites foster this? As we wrap up 2011, Melissa is here to talk about what she learned.

Years ago, way back in 2006, I was just starting my first real job as an instructor at a small liberal arts college, and I met a boy. And I really liked that boy. I liked him so much, in fact, that I started to daydream-plan our wedding. I spent hours in my brand-new office using my brand-new computer to look at ways to create a wedding for my brand-new relationship. Beyond chair covers and the perfect shoes, however, I noticed something else: people (mostly women) talked on these communities. A lot. About everything. They shared the secrets of tying square knots and where to buy fifteen milk glass cake plates, but also how they felt about their future mother-in-laws, and if they were going to change their name, and lots of other things. I was hooked.

I spent a lot of time in that office over the next two years, alternately learning how to teach public relations to undergraduates and navigating planning my wedding to that boy I liked, using those same online communities. And one day, I stopped and thought about how interesting it was that people were making friends online. Real friends, ones who supported one another and answered questions and said that dress doesn’t make you look fat, exactly, but perhaps this one would be better. These relationships seemed to be the focus of the wedding blogs I read.

And, being the budding researcher that I was, I decided I’d like to know more about why that happened. What, exactly, was driving these women online, instead of to their best friend’s house? I scribbled down a note to myself, my very first “Something I’d Like to Research” idea, a promise that it would be something I would look into. I forgot about it for awhile, but as I got engaged and kept reading, got married and kept reading, got divorced and kept reading, started dating again and kept reading (I’ve been reading for awhile), I figured I was onto something. There was a reason I couldn’t tear myself away, a reason that all these other women couldn’t tear themselves away either, and I wanted to figure out what it was.

****

How do you explain APW to your family? To your friends? To your significant other? Do you think about it in terms of the conversations you have, the friendships you’ve formed, or just the key phrase from that one post that really made you think? Maybe you think about it in terms of social networks and the strange factors that entice people to build relationships online? Or maybe you don’t think about it at all—you just read.

I wrote a paper about APW. A whole, research and theory-based academic paper that finally made use of that five-year-old scrap of paper, focusing on what it is that APW does to make people stick around when previous research says they should leave (namely, once they’re married). And what I found was pretty interesting. I did interviews with twenty five members of the APW community (including one with Meg), where I asked them about their experiences. Why did they seek out wedding information or inspiration on the internet? Why did they stay once they found APW? What did they like, and what would they like to change? How did they feel about the relationships they’d made (if they’d made any)? Could they tell me why they kept coming back—why they couldn’t tear themselves away? Continue reading Why You Stay… (A PhD Paper on APW)

Posted in: Uncategorized | 46 Comments »

Dec 2011

Maddie’s APW Book Review

As a long-time reader of APW who has been married for over two years, I'll admit, I wasn't really sure what I was going to get from the APW book (don't buy it till tomorrow!). I mean, hello, I'm a seasoned veteran here, folks. I already got married, I work for APW, and I photograph weddings for a living. What do you think you're going to tell me about weddings, Meg, that I don't already know?

And then I read the book. And I was blown away.

Within the first ten pages of the book I was crying in the waiting room of a Subaru Service Center mourning the wedding-planning experience I can never have because this book wasn't around during my engagement. Oh the easily avoidable family drama! The DIY projects that never should-have-been! The time I cried in the car about sparklers!

What the APW book does differently from every other wedding book, blog, or magazine out there is it actually removes things from your to-do list rather than adding to it. Meg isn't trying to convince you to buy more, do more, spend more. She just wants to make sure that the things you're buying, doing, and spending on mean something to you. Did you just read that? It's wedding literature that gives a shit that you're a person. Novel.

But, back to why this book matters to you. The part that is going to blow you away. Are you ready? The APW book is the only wedding literature you'll ever read that actually saves you money (and not in a "follow these tips to get 10% off a bunch of crap we just convinced you that you need," kind of way). Trying to figure out how to cut costs but are tired of people telling you to eliminate guests? Go buy the book. Can't figure out why your totally reasonable budget is suddenly too small for the wedding world? Seriously, go buy the book. Still fighting with your mom because she thinks you need chair covers? Yeah, just go buy the book. And then buy another copy for your mom.

It's hard to put into words, but what the APW book provides for weddings (and if I'm being honest here, life) is that it gives a freedom to care about the things that matter, to cross off things that don't, and the WIC-free wisdom to know the damn difference.

Now, I'm sure that some of you probably don't believe me. Of course, it's so easy to say these things now that I'm married and the wedding itself is far behind me. But as I read the book, I steadily ticked off a mental checklist of all the money and stress I could have saved if I'd had Meg's book while planning my wedding. And let me tell you, it is worth the investment. Allow me to demonstrate:

Wedding Costs I Could Have Avoided:

Gocco Printer - $400
DIY Invitation Supplies - $100
First Wedding Dress - $100
DIY Flowers (that died) - $300

Total: $900

Cost of Meg's Book:

A Practical Wedding (Book) - $10.88 on Amazon (Don't buy it till tomorrow! Seriously people!)

Total: $10.88

Savings: $889.12

More importantly, I was able to make a list of all the emotional headaches that were completely unnecessary but somehow seemed so unavoidable at the time, such as:

The fight we had about sparklers and their relative safety to our guests

The time my mom and I fought about earrings

The time my mom and I fought about my ever-growing DIY projects

The week I spent not sleeping because I had to make my own invitations

The midnight photoshoot for our save-the-dates that I insisted must be done immediately, or else

The time I spent feeling bad about these things when I should have just let myself off the hook and moved on

etc.

And if that's not enough to convince you, maybe we can talk about something else that's important—the fact that the wedding world is kind of out to get us. Between the reality TV shows, the magazines, and the blogs, the wedding industry makes us out to be both the victims and the villains of our own wedding stories. We're either doing Too Much or Not Enough and we can never win. And the industry is making boatloads of money off our insecurity. But this book, this monumental labor of love, it doesn't want that for you. It gives you the power to own your wedding, to make it something that is meaningful, joyful, respectful—and that's powerful. In fact, I'm surprised the wedding industry even allows this book to exist, that's how much it challenges the commonly-held notions about what weddings are supposed to be. And that, my friends, is something worth celebrating.

Which is why, even though I've already read it, I'm going to buy a few copies for my clients and my newly or soon-to-be engaged friends tomorrow. It's time we reclaim the word "wedding," and I can't think of a better way to do it than by taking this book to the top.

Photo by One Love Photo. Read all the posts on writing the APW book here. The APW Book Buy is tomorrow!

Posted in: Uncategorized | 25 Comments »

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