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Apr 2013

Love In The Age Of The 24-Hour News Cycle

Last week was rough. It was rough for different people in different ways. There were members of the APW community way to close to the horror in Boston on Monday. There were lots of you locked down in Boston on Friday. There were those of you close to, or with loved ones in and near West, Texas. There were people, like me, who had lived through different kinds of terror and were finding their PTSD triggers all being hit at once. Then there were the many glued to the news, afraid and/or sad. As I’ve gotten older, and built my own family, I’ve found that bad news hits me in a different way. The fear of losing a child or a partner can quickly wrap it’s icy cold fingers around my heart. News cycles like last week shake me up in a whole new way. Today’s post by Rachel Wilkerson explores the fear that pops up after national tragedies, and the everyday fear that keeps us up at night worrying about our loved ones.

—Meg

If you’d asked me three years ago to list the things I am afraid of, this would have been my list:

1. Sharks.

2. Having someone break into my apartment to rape and kill me.

That was it. I don’t know if it’s really all that rational or not, but it’s a pretty short list, and I never felt like it was affecting my quality of life.

Now? Now I need a damn outline.

I. Fears about kidnapping, assault, rape, and murder

A. I’m the victim and a stranger is the perpetrator.

B. I’m the victim and MY HUSBAND IS THE PERPETRATOR.

C. I’m the victim and nobody cares because I’m not a pretty white woman.

D. Someone I care about is the victim.

II. Fears about my future children

A. They will be bullied.

B. They will bully someone else.

C. They will be kidnapped, assaulted, raped, and murdered.

D. They will kidnap, assault, rape, or murder someone.

E. Wait, am I even going to be able to have children?!?!

III. Fears about diseases

A. I will get a disease.

i. Every time I have a stomachache or a headache, I’m clearly dying.

ii. I’m worried that this chicken isn’t cooked all the way through and also, even though I wore latex gloves when I was touching that chicken and washed my hands (and nails too, duh), I’m still afraid to touch anything in the kitchen for the rest of the night.

iii. I’m really stressed that I’m not getting to the gym enough to lower my stress, which will keep me from dying from being stressed because STRESS KILLS.

B. Someone I love will get a disease.

i. The people I love clearly do not eat enough vegetables to keep them from dying young.

ii. YOU FORGOT TO WEAR SUNSCREEN GOLFING?! ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME A WIDOW AT THIRTY?!?!

C. Don’t forget about that recent flesh-eating bacteria case.

IV. Fears that the Mayans were right, we just had the date wrong

A. Natural disasters.

B. The War on Women.

C. Economic collapse.

D. The Hunger Games really happens.

For a long time, I managed to avoid most of these irrational fears by simply not watching the evening news. But then I moved in with Eric. Suddenly I had this additional person who I was now terrified of losing, and said person typically has the TV on. His go-to shows include Law & Order: SVU, Dan Rather Reports, and the endless stream of war, aliens, and apocalypse programming on H2. It got into my head, big time. It basically turned me into my mother, who, on any given night can be found in the kitchen close to midnight, eating milk and cookies as a serious-sounding voiceover says, “…Linda had always told her friends and family that she feared one day Frank would kill her.” Continue reading Love In The Age Of The 24-Hour News Cycle

Posted in: Manifestos, The Hard Stuff, Uncategorized | 53 Comments »

Apr 2013

Contributing To The Good: How To Donate Your Hair, Plus A Twitter Chat!

All You

When we first approached Pantene Beautiful Lengths to partner with APW, I had one clear objective in mind: find a way to encourage APW readers to donate their hair and make APW a huge contributor of wigs for women battling cancer. I’ve already explained my personal connection to hair donation, and I’ve talked about why this cause is so important to me. Then Liz shared her experience shaving and donating her hair with the community. But there’s another layer to this partnership that’s even more important than me, more important than the rest of the staff, and that’s you guys. Because as much as we can try to raise awareness about this cause, or explain its significance in our personal lives, we’re just spreading the word. The real power to make a difference lies with you guys.

Each year I photograph dozens of APW reader weddings. And every year I notice the same trend: women (including me, official spokesperson for a lifetime of short hair) will grow out their hair for the purposes of fancy wedding updos and then shortly after the wedding is over, cut it all off in a symbolic nod to a transition into marriage (or a nod to wanting to get your hair off your neck. Either way). So we figured, if women are already going to be getting rid of their hair, why not do it in a way that benefits others?

Needless to say, I was beyond thrilled when at the end of my last post, you guys expressed an overwhelming desire to come together and help the cause. Because you are awesome. So today, we’re going to tell you exactly how you can do that, and when. (Hint: we’re thinking a big collective group effort. Stay tuned for more info.)

Slumber Party Chat Time (On Twitter, That Is)

But first! We figured this would be way more fun if everyone had an opportunity to come together in real time and discuss plans for cutting off our hair, ask questions about making the cut, get details on how to donate, and anything else you want to talk about. So today from 1–2PM PST / 4–5PM EST, we’ll be standing by on Twitter ready to answer all of your burning questions, and ready to give everyone who participates a virtual fistbump for being rad.

I’ll be taking over the @PracticalWed Twitter handle, ready to dole out short-hair advice from, well, having had it forever (maybe I’ll even share a few hair mistakes from days gone by). There I’ll be joined by @PracticalLiz, who is ready to field all of your questions about being bald and hot, and @Pantene, who will be there to answer any official questions about the program itself and to tell you about their big national hair donation push, National Donate Your Hair Day. And of course Meg will be cheering y’all on from the sidelines from her personal handle @MegKeene. Some things we’ll be discussing during the chat:

How can you participate in National Donate Your Hair Day?
How do you know if short hair will look good on you?
How is Liz feeling a few weeks after shaving her head?
What are the requirements for hair donation?
Lots of other stuff you guys want to talk about…

So if you had previously expressed an interest in donating, or if you’ve donated in the past and want to offer moral support to your fellow APWers, or if you just want to chat and cheer on other ladies, stop on by this afternoon and say hello. Just make sure to use the hashtag #BeautifulLengths to join in and follow the conversation. And if you have really burning questions you want us to answer, feel free to leave them in the comments below and we’ll address those first!

Making The Cut

Every year Pantene Beautiful Lengths hosts a nationwide hair donation effort called National Donate Your Hair Day. And it just so happens that this year’s National Donate Your Hair Day falls right around the end(ish) of wedding season (depending on where you live). Which means that we have an opportunity to band together and make a really big impact on Pantene’s efforts.

So here’s what we’re going to do. Continue reading Contributing To The Good: How To Donate Your Hair, Plus A Twitter Chat!

Posted in: Uncategorized | 13 Comments »

Apr 2013

Runaway…

My friend Jamie of Rad + In Love (APW Sponsors) who also happens to be APW’s second wedding graduate ever (how’s that for street cred) is working on a…project. An amazing one. When I first heard about Runaway, I figured it was just another giveaway, yay, next. Turns out, no way. It’s the raddest thing ever (pun totally intended there). Here is the deal: on Sunday May 26th, Rad + In Love and a bunch of friends are hosting what’s essentially a pop up wedding…chapel, for lack of a better descriptive term. If you’ve been debating doing the courthouse thing, but also want pretty details, but also are lazy (this girl), then here is what you do:

Reserve a spot at Runaway
Pay $1,200. Total.
You can buy apps and drinks for your loved ones for $20 a head, if you feel fancy.
Show up in San Diego with up to 30 of your loved ones. Or no one but you, depending.
Get married.
Get photographed.
Holy shit it’s pretty.
Leave. Possibly get drunk to celebrate HOW EASY THAT WAS.
Fin.

You’re welcome. If you do this and don’t send us a Wordless Wedding, consider yourself dead.

This post is only sponsored by awesomeness.

This post includes Sponsors, who are a key part of supporting APW. For more information, see our Directory page for Rad + In Love.

Posted in: Uncategorized | 21 Comments »

Apr 2013

Open Thread: What Makes You…

A few months ago, I was perusing the APW archives and I stumbled upon an old open thread (which, I cannot for the life of me find again, because it was probably written a zillion years ago or in Elvish) that grabbed my attention as being kind of revolutionary. The question was simple: what do you like? Being a wedding and marriage website, it makes sense that most our conversations are framed through the experience of being a bride or groom or husband or wife or partner or what have you. But I liked that this thread diverged from the standard and encouraged us to talk about ourselves as individuals.

Because here’s the thing. I’ve been married a few years now. And maybe it’s because I live so far away from home these days and my day-to-day activities are less fresh on my loved ones’ minds, but the longer I stay married, the less it seems people remember that Michael and I are very different people with very different passions and hobbies and interests. There are lots of questions about my relationship, about Michael’s work and travel, and less about my own work and my personal projects. It used to be that people asked me what I was up to all the time. Now, I find myself finding any excuse to interject something I’m excited about into conversation. Did you hear about this project I’m working on? No? Well, let me share!

I’m sure there is a much deeper conversation to be had about this subject. About marriage and feminism and identity. But for today, I just want to open up this thread to share. What are you proud of? What are you working on right now, personally, professionally, or otherwise that you’re amped about? It doesn’t have to be big. Last week I overcame my fear of heights long enough to go up and see San Francisco from Coit Tower. It matters. So what do you like to do? What makes you, personally, happy? Today I want us all to be reminded that we aren’t just wives and mothers and girlfriends and fiancés and daughters. We are fully realized people and what we care about matters.

—Maddie

Photo by APW Sponsor Gabriel Harber Photography

This post includes Sponsors, who are a key part of supporting APW. For more information, see our Directory page for Gabriel Harber Photography.

Posted in: Uncategorized | 322 Comments »

Apr 2013

Open Thread: The Surprise Good

As Meg mentioned in her Letter From The Editor yesterday, the internet has a way of magnifying the bad (the good too, but a lot of the time, the bad). I see this particularly when it comes to our relationships. When we’re mad at our partners, or when we feel like we’re in a slump, some days it’s just easier to hole up in a room and practice the art of rumination with our internet friends rather than turning our energy towards change. And while occasionally this can be helpful (sometimes you just have to vent, you know?), most of the time it just makes us sadder, angrier, and more focused on the things going wrong. So to combat this cycle, we want to focus today’s open thread on the good in our relationships.

Meg and I have talked about this at length with each other, but we both have a tendency to frontload our worry. Which means that when it comes to big life changes, we anticipate the worst, only to find ourselves pleasantly surprised by reality most of the time. It’s one of my worst habits, and it often leads to a spiral of everything that has ever gone wrong, ever, which means obviously this thing I’m about to do will also go completely wrong, obviously. Usually the only way to get me out of the funk is for Michael to remind me that the doom spiral I’m feeling is probably not real and in fact most things I’m worried about turn out perfectly fine.

So in the spirit of reminding people like me that The Good exists, today’s open thread asks: what was something you were unsure of before you got married, that turned out just fine? (Or even better, that turned out to be kind of awesome?) For me, I was terrified that marriage was going to take away part of who I am, but instead it’s allowed me to be a less-filtered, more-authentic version of myself that I like so much better than before.

So now it’s your turn. What’s been your pleasant surprise of marriage? Let’s turn this place into an echo chamber of awesome today.

—Maddie

Photo by APW Sponsor LeahAndMark & Co.

This post includes Sponsors, who are a key part of supporting APW. For more information, see our Directory page for LeahAndMark & Co..

Posted in: Uncategorized | 121 Comments »

Apr 2013

Call For Submissions: Tradition

Once upon a time I used to think that tradition was black and white: you were either traditional or you weren’t. And for someone like me who loves nostalgia but hates repetition, I never knew where I fell on the scale. These days (thanks in part to you guys and getting to work with a group of smart, diverse women like the APW staff), my understanding of the word tradition is slightly more nuanced. But I haven’t got it all figured out yet. So next month, I’m beyond excited that we get to explore this subject a little deeper. Which means it’s time for yet another submissions call! Next month is all about:

Tradition

Tradition is a word we both overvalue and undervalue. It’s not doing things by rote, but instead exploring what ties us to history. It allows us to claim and dimiss, to shape and create. For next month, we want to hear what made your wedding traditional or non-traditional, and we want to know how you honor, make, and reject tradition in your everyday life.

So, while you ponder what to write, here is a quick reminder of some helpful tips and tricks when submitting your story:

First, one of the primary characteristics we look for in submissions each month is a connection to a universal idea. We’re all writing from our personal experiences here, but if you can take that experience and make it something that other people are going to relate to, then we’ve got magic. But that doesn’t mean that every story has to have a big moral or overarching theme. Sometimes the most universal stories are the simplest ones.
Second, as always, our themes are meant to serve as a guideline for submissions, but they aren’t rigid. Do with them what you will! For example, if next month’s theme is “Tradition” and you want to write a piece on how the royal wedding deeply impacted your own wedding planning, we’re game for it. We’re always after diversity of experience here, so the most important thing is that you write something that is authentic to you, however that might fit into the theme. (And a loose fit is still a fit most of the time.) Continue reading Call For Submissions: Tradition

Posted in: Uncategorized | 8 Comments »