What’s the Most Romantic Thing Someone’s Done for You Lately?

I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours

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A few weeks ago, I spent a not insignificant amount of time stuck in the bed of a Korean guesthouse with a debilitating viral infection, crying and cursing that I was across the world, far from anyone who could pop by, give me a hug, or bring me soup. Just when it seemed like too much to bear, there was a knock on the door. I was handed a bouquet of fragrant flowers tied in a purple ribbon and accompanied by a heartfelt note, courtesy of my partner, who was miles away in the grand ole USA. I remember thinking “THIS. This is what I want in a relationship.”

Here’s the thing: I dragged myself out of bed, I got my own medication, and I even figured out how to feed myself (despite the exclusively Korean-language menus near where I was staying)… but it was this unexpected joy, in the form of a bunch of flowers, that made me grin like the world was just handed to me, magic covered in glitter. It’s kind of ridiculous having your heart swell when you’re sickly and greasy and feeling like roadkill. To me, that’s what romance is all about.

Romance is that which I can’t (or probably wouldn’t) provide for myself. It’s surprises, sweet notes, and massages (because, let’s admit it, my computer-sore shoulders need them). Romance is a reminder that there’s a person who wants me to give me a reason to smile… when I’m just trying to get through my day.

But here’s the kicker: That’s not a universal definition of romance. I got lucky, in that my person’s idea of romance and mine align. But what if they didn’t? I know we often talk about love languages, and I imagine the two are related (they are for me). What if their idea of romance was a hot dog and a baseball game? Or Netflix and chill? (Maybe that’s someone else’s cup of tea, but it one hundred percent isn’t mine.) And of course, what if you fall for (or are) one of those people who thinks romance is fiction?

Is keeping romance alive the real way to beat back against the currents of normalcy (which according to Esther Perel, is what kills desire)? Think back to the last romantic move your partner made… did it make you *want* them more? Because, whether I was sick or not, those flowers made me want to pounce on my partner.

It’s your turn to tell me straight up: what’s romance got to do with it?

APW, let’s dish. What’s the most romantic thing anyone’s ever done for you? Does romance mean the same thing to you and your partner? Do you even consider yourself romantic, or is all this romance stuff a bunch of hogwash you left in the dust when you stopped reading fairy tales?

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