“Don’t come in!” I cried. Despite the fact that I was curled on the bathroom floor with food poisoning, waiting for the next wave of nausea to hit… six months felt too early for the word “diarrhea,” or for someone who would hold my (figurative, since I cut it all) hair back while I expelled everything I’d eaten that day.
But then, somewhere around 6 a.m.—as I got chance to close my eyes for fifteen minutes—she snuck in and cleaned up the toilet before the next round hit. I was too sick to be horrified, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it once I started feeling better. We’d hit our “gross” moment.
You know about the “gross” moment? It’s probably different for each partnership, but the concept seems universal. When most of us start dating, we’re our least-gross selves: no farting, no wayward hair, no leaking breast milk, etc. But as life happens, and we stop holding people at arm’s length when we’re sick… they start to see the “real” us. And the real me? She poops.
Now, I’ve read about couples who always close the bathroom door and try to do maintenance (toenail clipping, shaving, etc.) separately to maintain a little mystery. And I salute that… but that can only go so far. Because marriage is about sickness and health, and eventually that means the toilet bowl (at the very least). And some of us with chronic health issues (ahem, me) start to cough up gross stuff just a few weeks into dating.
But still, last week felt like a shift for me. Because I wouldn’t have let just anyone into that bathroom. And all of a sudden I’m torn: part of me wondering if I’m a burden, another part so grateful and flabbergasted to have such a considerate and loving partner. And the way she made me ice to suck on afterward when I couldn’t even keep water down? I loved her more for it.
Here’s the truth: She could have totally opted out. Some people do, right? Isn’t that how you separate out the real human gems? Trial by gross?
And I’m betting these gross moments keep going, each one creating a different sensation (good or bad) in its wake. Things like childbirth and age.
So I’m so curious what other people felt those defining moments were… and what happened after the gross reveal. Did it affect desire? And let’s be honest: did you ever think gross shit could bring you closer?
APW, let’s get REAL (and feel free to go anon)! What gross (human) thing Did you share (or hide from) your partner? ANd how did your partner take it? How did you? What happened next?
