APW Happy Hour


Can babies wear sequins?

by Maddie Eisenhart, Chief Revenue Officer

maddie-2-of-3

Hey APW,

Maddie here. If I’ve been quiet on the pages of APW lately it’s because I recently discovered that I am pregnant (insert simultaneous happy and terrified emojis here). And while it wasn’t a surprise, y’all it has been a trip. Even watching Meg go through two pregnancies up close, I was not prepared for how quickly my body would be like, WHAT IS HAPPENING (hormones, man). As I head into my second trimester, I’m super grateful to the me of seven years ago who decided that she was tired of working for the old boys’ clubs and went out in search of women-owned employment. Because never have I been more grateful to have a female boss, and a mostly female staff, whose first words after congratulations are, “Take naps if you need them, okay?” In the meantime, I’m taking this opportunity to wear all the sparkly things in my closet, just in case it’s a while before I get to wear them again. Side note: am I wrong for loving shoulder pads?

maddie-1-of-3

In other news, my grandmother came to visit me last week and we hit up wine country. Can we all just take a minute to appreciate her t-shirt? This woman has her finger on the pulse of cool.

Processed with VSCO with a6 preset

And with that, it’s your happy hour! I have a nap calling my name.

Cheers,

Maddie

Link Round-up

Why comic publishers need to embrace fandom: YES PLEASE

How to treat a lady on the Internet—since some of you need instructions.

HERE FOR IT: Hillary Clinton’s incredibly powerful defense of women’s right to choose.

This grandmother’s Google search is the most polite thing.

Why the “open letter to mothers” trend needs to stop.

Maddie Eisenhart

Maddie is APW’s Chief Revenue Officer. She’s been writing stories about boys, crushes, and relationships since she was old enough to form shapes into words, but received her formal training (and a BS) from NYU in Entertainment and Mass Media in 2008. She now spends a significant amount of time thinking about trends on the internet and whether flower crowns will be out next year. A Maine native, Maddie currently lives on a pony farm in the Bay Area with her husband, Michael and their mastiff puppy. Current hair color: Purple(ish).

Staff Picks

[Read comment policy before commenting]

  • Jenny

    Woo hoo! HUGE congrats Maddie, I hope its a wonderful journey!

  • Mary Jo TC

    Did y’all see this? It’s my favorite thing to happen on the internet this week. https://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/compost/wp/2016/10/20/nasty-women-have-much-work-to-do/?utm_term=.cb7cc3ea12e5

    My other favorite? #trumpbookreports

    You’re welcome and happy Friday!
    PS. Congratulations Maddie!

    • louise danger

      https://www.facebook.com/KarenHallion/photos/a.10150158825947363.345388.133570227362/10154620846067363/?type=3&theater

      Karen Hallion (she of the Disney-Doctor Who mashup tees) drew this yesterday and has given permission for people to use it as profile pics/repost it/etc. It’s currently plastered all over my Facebook. edit: Disqus took away the URL, but you can find the picture easily on Karen Hallion’s facebook page :)

      #MadamPresident #HillaryIfYoureNasty

    • JC

      Alexandra Petri has brought so much goodness to the world.
      PS Congratulations Maddie!!!

    • Essssss

      This was my favorite internet thing of the week too! Amazing.

  • mimi

    Aww congrats! Looking fab, mama!

  • louise danger

    congratulations, maddie! :)

    your grandma is the COOLEST oh man, swag for days.

    no real wedding planning progress from me this week, but i think i’m finally getting my mom to understand that there’s a difference between having a wedding that’s low-budget and full of meaning and personality, and a wedding that’s low-budget because of a fear of spending money (resulting in an event that feels tossed together last-minute with no real cohesion). she is slowly, so slowly, coming over to the side of “do things that matter” from the WIC side of things and i’m so proud of her.

    she also offered to buy my veil which means that i can probably get the pretty one i’ve been dreaming of? :D so hey!

    also we’re less than a year out and that’s kind of terrifying, and mr danger’s birthday is monday so we’re celebrating at one of the newly-reopened-after-a-catastrophic-flood-this-summer restaurants nearby! life is good y’all

  • Trinity

    Congratulations, Maddie! What I would have given for a nap any day of my first trimester… I’m grateful you have the opportunity to!

  • Her Lindsayship

    Congrats, Maddie!! Hope the hormones calm down or at least plateau soon.

    In wedding planning news, we booked our reception venue last night!! !!!!!!!! This feels like it’s been a years-long campaign, when in reality it took about five and a half months of research. Still big!

    Unfortunately, this morning we learned that our best man’s girlfriend has another wedding to go to on the weekend we picked, so we may change our date. We weren’t set on it in the first place and the venue is our only contract so far, plus they explicitly told us we could change it if we need to. But I confess to feeling mildly annoyed that this road block didn’t come up sooner. They told us about a wedding earlier in the summer that they’re going to, so we avoided that date, but they never mentioned this one. If she weren’t our best man’s girlfriend, it really wouldn’t matter, but he’s a VIP and we want him to have an amazing time!

    So anyway, in self-care news, I bought myself this t-shirt (https://www.etsy.com/listing/473209812/fast-shipping-boyfriend-tee-nasty-woman ). Really hope I will be able to rock it on election day. This + a smart blazer = work appropriate, right??

    • louise danger

      YES GOOD o/

      and that’s totally work appropriate under a cardigan or blazer! (my workplace, a big university, has policies about political demonstration and participation, so you might want to doublecheck that yours is ok with personal displays beforehand)

    • MC

      Ohhhhh I love that shirt!!!

    • Kat

      During the debate the other night, about 30 seconds after Trump used the phrase “rip the baby out of the womb”, I bought this https://shop.hillaryclinton.com/products/tory-burch-tee
      because honestly, that woman has just put up with so much nonsense and I am SICK OF IT.
      I’m so ready for this election to be over. It’s insane that someone this qualified has to compete against someone so unqualified, AND put up with the kind of comments coming from him and his supporters. Absolutely insane.

    • Eenie

      Does the best man’s GF know anyone else? I only ask because being the best man’s date at a wedding isn’t the funnest thing ever if you aren’t having dates tag along for pictures and she doesn’t know anyone else. Food for thought.

      • Her Lindsayship

        This is a good point. It occurred to me that our wedding is likely not a big priority for her, and that’s understandable. She does know our friend group, but not super well. My concern is more on whether the best man will be sad without her there. Maybe that’s overthinking things. :)

        • Eenie

          You can always just ask him. He may be excited to get to do all his best man duties without having to worry about neglecting the girlfriend!

          • Her Lindsayship

            So funny thing: last night they talked and she said she was flattered that we’re considering changing the date, but told him actually even if we aren’t able to, she’d pick our wedding over the other one! That kinda gave me the warm fuzzies. Looks like best man & girlfriend are all in.

          • Eenie

            Aww that’s the best!! Glad it worked out.

  • Brigid

    Congratulations!!! Very happy for you. As someone who is also second-trimester pregnant, I gotta say, this trimester is the BEST. And babies look amazing in sequins. Can you imagine a tiny baby with a sequined bowtie clipped to that burp-covered onesie? I mean, wow.

    Also, I dunno if you miss boiling-hot baths as much as I do, but I just discovered that boiling-hot foot soaks completely do the trick for me — while being safe, and significantly helping with my chest cold.

  • Oy Vey

    Hey ladies (and gents),

    I am embarrassed, but am eating my words here… I’m the one who, a couple months ago, had an Ask APW question where my BF told me it was a dealbreaker to have my (lovely, gracious, wonderful) parents at our wedding. A lot of you told me to DTMFA because he was abusive. I said I’d never break up with him, etc. etc. First, he’s not abusive, but in the past couple months (with that letter as the catalyst), a lot has occurred that has me going back to the DTMFA advice.

    BF has come to the realization that he didn’t want kids…at all. I thought I was ambivalent, but I did some soul searching and discovered I do want kids and even if for some reason it doesn’t happen for me, I want to live my life open to children and actively trying to have them.

    Something has happened with BF’s therapy and he said that he doesn’t feel he can be totally honest with me about it. He hasn’t told me what it is and I haven’t asked because previously…

    He’s refused to look for a new job (the one he currently has is making him miserable) because it’s just “too much work” and he’s “too stressed.” And that made me realize how much I was counting on myself to be his bringer of happiness.

    And I can’t do that because I have my own dreams and goals going on. I can’t make someone else’s come true for them… No matter how much I love them.

    Anyway, I’m talking with him tonight. Starting with the kids issue. Which is the biggest deal breaker. Then reiterating the parents issue. And finally, his happiness and how he needs to work on that (And also the whole – can’t be honest with me about why he’s not going to therapy or whatever is going on there…).

    Most likely, we’re breaking up tonight. I love him so much, but I don’t think we’re compatible on the big issues.

    Any advice for how to bring this all up? When we first had the kids talk, he said he’s thought about cutting ties with me because he thought I wanted them, so this isn’t completely out of the blue, but… huge life-altering discussion.

    And he’s more receptive to straightforward statements without preamble or explanation, but just saying “I want kids,” feels like too much of a shock.

    Thanks in advance! And also thanks for not saying “I told you so.”

    • Rose

      Can someone please tell me what DTMFA means? Thanks.

      • Megan

        Dump that Mother Effer’s Ass

        OR

        Dump that Mother Effing Asshole

        • Rose

          Thank you. I was getting a headache trying to guess.

          • PAJane aka Awesome Tits

            It’s a Dan Savage-ism.

        • ART

          Alternatively, Dump the MF Already.

      • april

        Dump The Mother F***er Already – phrase coined by the wonderful Dan Savage (http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=30928 )

    • Kaitlyn

      If he does well with straightforward statements, I say go for the “I want kids” statement. It might be shocking, but it’s what you’re going to say anyway so might as well lead with it. Other than that, I don’t have any advice, but I wish you the best of luck. And maybe indulge in some self-care this weekend since tonight will most likely be a bit rough.

      • agreed. If he does best with those statements, and with breakups in general, I think the clearer the better even if it does seem jarring. No need to beat around the bush.

        • Oy Vey

          thanks for the encouragement. I think I know what I need to do, it just sucks having to do it.

    • Megan

      No one here is going to say “I told you so” and if someone does I will be so. so. mad.

      Oy Vey – I’m so sorry that things have gotten murkier instead of clearer for you. You sound like you have a solid understanding of what you want and it can be heartbreaking to realize that it is incompatible with what your partner wants/is/has. The sad truth of it is that love is not the only thing that will make a relationship work and you seem to have come to the conclusion that your love for your partner is not enough to overcome these other large obstacles.

      I think it’s best to bring up the subject when there aren’t other distractions around and he is fully engaged in the conversation. Does he need time to decompress after work? Maybe don’t do it right then. Does he get cranky just before bedtime? Probably not a good time either. Pick a time (in your head) that you will bring it up and hold yourself to it. I would probably start with, “Can we talk about the discussion we had the other day where you told me you don’t want to have kids? I have been giving it a lot of thought and realize that I do want to have children.” And then wait to see what he says.

      You can do this. Whatever the outcome, you’re on the right track.

      • Sarah Porter

        I don’t anything different than the rest of these wonderful people have said, but I just wanted to say that what you’re doing (initiating this wicked tough convo.) is a really brave thing to do, and the RIGHT thing, so regardless of what happens, know you made the right thing by starting this discussion.

      • Oy Vey

        Thanks. The timing is so tough. Last time he had something to bring up with me, he waited until I had gotten home, changed into comfortable clothes, and taken the dog out.

        so part of me wants to to do that. Just rip the band-aid off.

        The other part of me wants to eat dinner before bringing it up. Because if I do it before dinner, who knows when I’ll eat (and being hangry won’t lend itself to a good conversation)…

        I really appreciate your solidarity.

    • ART

      You are not eating your words – you are doing the hard work of figuring out what YOU need out of YOUR life, and realizing that you can’t give up on what you need, want, and dream about for another person, even if you love that person. That happens, and it’s sad, but it sounds like you’re doing all the right stuff. All the love and strength going forward.

      • scw

        this. good luck with the conversation, oy vey, and be kind to yourself.

      • G.

        This. What’s important is that you’ve stopped to really think about what you want, what you have, what you need. This chapter may be ending (for good reasons, but that doesn’t make it any easier), but a new chapter will begin. Good luck, stay strong, be well.

    • AGCourtney

      Internet hugs – it’s hard to tackle this, and good for you for being willing to reflect and take action on what’s best for you. …I started typing advice, but I don’t know exactly what to say. Maybe just preface that you’d like to have a serious discussion so it’s not quite so much of a bomb? “I’ve been doing some serious soul-searching lately, and I’ve realized that [“we may be incompatible on some important issues” – or just dive right in with:] “I do want kids.” No matter what, though, it’s going to be a difficult, emotional experience for both of you. Best of luck. <3

      • Oy Vey

        I think I’m going to steal this:
        “I’ve been doing some serious soul-searching lately, and I’ve realized that … I do want kids.”

        thank you!

        • a single sarah

          So many hugs to you Oy Vey. And a cheer that you can do this hard thing.

          My boyfriend’s preamble is, “I’ve been thinking [about that thing you said]…..” The tone is enough to convey whether it’s serious conversation time or weekend date schemes.

    • Amy March

      Good luck with the hard conversation. At the end of the day, anytime you’re initiating a break up conversation (which it sounds like is where you are heading) it’s just going to be rough. I don’t think there is any best way to do it. I’d just encourage you to be true to yourself and what you need and remember that doing so is okay and important.

    • “I Don’t Knowww, Margo!”

      I’m so sorry you’re going through this, so sending you some strength. It’s so hard, but I hope you get some peace. I’m hoping you’ll feel better once it’s all out in the open, even if the outcome isn’t what you wish it was. I’m sorry I don’t have any better advice!

      • Oy Vey

        “I’m hoping you’ll feel better once it’s all out in the open, even if the outcome isn’t what you wish it was.”

        Yeah. that’s what I’m hoping too. I’ve been living with the anxiety of this realization for a couple weeks now. Thank you.

    • Jane

      I’m sorry Oy Vey. Breaking up with someone you love is the worst.
      But you also say you’re going to bring up the issues and that you’re probably breaking up, not that you’re breaking up with him. Do you have ideas of what he could say that would cause you to stay in this relationship? Are they realistic? Would you believe him? If not, is it fair to act like you might not break up with him?

      To me, it seems like your mind is made up. If it is, I would tell him that up front. Otherwise it’s just this horrible difficult conversation that you know the end of and he doesn’t.

      Ignore all this if you’re really not sure. But you seem sure – just reluctant and sad.

      • Oy Vey

        Yeah… It’s “probably” because I know him well and he’s not one to throw out those sorts of life-decision statements haphazardly. And I’m a hopeless optimist.

        Here’s what he’d have to do to keep us together:

        Say that he not only would be willing to have children, but would begin, with me, to save $$ for that now (active steps).

        Work on his attitude regarding my parents, commit to having them come to our wedding, and commit to visiting them with me twice a year (two long weekends, doesn’t have to be major holidays).

        Be honest with me about therapy or lack thereof.

        AND

        Put serious effort into finding a new job and/or something else that will be a healthy way to increase his day-to-day happiness.

        It’s a lot of stuff. And a lot of serious stuff. I don’t want to assume he’s 100% not interested in doing any/all of that, but if he says he can’t, then I’m going to say that I think it’s best we part ways.

        I want to give him the option.

        But yeah… definitely mostly reluctant and sad. Thanks

        • Jane

          All of this is so hard. I’m just pushing back because I don’t want you to have to keep going through all this if it’s really over. Either way, good luck. And good for you for really trying to figure out what you need/want out of life.

          One thing I haven’t seen in your comments is anything about couples therapy. If he really wants to work on all of this with you, maybe it would be a good first start.

          Here’s my take on all the things you think he could do (more questions for you to think about than ones that I expect you to respond): Is it enough for him to promise to do all those things? What if he promises, because he loves you and you’re the best thing in his life and he doesn’t want to lose you, but he can’t deliver? You don’t want to go in with this really specific list of demands and timelines and ultimatums – but how are you going to measure his efforts to find a different job and get along with your parents?

        • Kaitlyn

          I think it’s great that you’ve thought this out so thoroughly and I think these are very reasonable expectations for many relationships. Have you thought what you would do if he agrees to work on these things? Would you stay? Would there be a time limit you’d give him? (not that I necessarily agree with that, but you’d have a breaking point eventually) . Sending support<3

          • Another Meg

            Seconding this- It’s a very well thought-out list, and the next step is determining how to hold him to it if he agrees to try. Additionally, would you go on a break while he works on things or stay with him? Even if he agrees to try, it might take some pressure off to hold off doing more wedding planning. Seal the cracks in the teapot before filling it with water, so to speak.

            Good luck with your talk. You got this!

          • Oy Vey

            Thanks for these questions. This will really help me on the off chance he decides he wants to work on this.

            I’d stay.
            For the parents thing – he’d have to come to visit my parents with me in February (and have to agree to that on the spot).
            Other time limit – I’d say 6 months to show significant progress/effort (actually applying for jobs), starting to put money away for children, and feeling enthusiastic about that prospect.

    • AmandaBee

      *giant hugs* I am so sorry that this is all happening at once, and I don’t really have a lot of great advice on how to bring it all up because I’ve been there but I’m not sure if I did it “right”. Much of what you’re vocalizing is so big that it’s hard to put into words. I think you do the best you can to speak your truth and to advocate for what you need.

      Know that what you’ve done – thinking about what you need, communicating with your partner – is so hard. You aren’t eating your words, you were never wrong, you’re just in the process of figuring out what you need and whether this relationship can provide it. Trust yourself to know the right decision, even though it might feel wrong in the moment.

      Whatever the outcome, reach out to some trusted friends or family because that support network is going to be so important either way.

      • Oy Vey

        thanks for the hug and solidarity. Is there ever a “right” way to do this, though??

        • AmandaBee

          I mean, breakup conversations tend to suck (at best). So, no. But I agree with the person who said to practice what you want to say. It really does help you get it out, because it lets you sort of go on autopilot. You can do this.

        • Lily

          “…There is a right way to break up with somebody, and it doesn’t. include. a Post-it!”

          Just had to throw a little SATC humor in there :) Oy Vey, you are strong. You are worthy of everything you want out of life, and you can do this. Keep in mind, having this honest conversation will benefit both of you in the long run! Best of luck.

          • Amy March

            So true. There’s no one right way, but there sure are wrong ones. A-hem, Mr. I-Just-Returned-Your-Stuff-In-A-Box.

    • Katherine

      I’ve been here. What worked best for me was to take a deep breath, place myself in a brief state of mental disconnect, and straight-out say the issues that have been bothering me (e.g. for a real life example: We need to discuss your stance on gun control and how it affects the future of our relationship). Afterwards, I immediately tune back in, but I’ve found that I need to have a brief moment of displacement to actually get the conversation going.

      Good luck. These conversations are never easy or fun, but are important. If you have a close friend who you can meet up with or FaceTime afterwards, that also helps a lot.

      • Oy Vey

        Thank you. The mental disconnect advice sounds really helpful. I have trouble saying what I need straight out, so that might help especially considering what a loaded conversation I’m going to have.

        Any tips for getting into that state?

        • Katherine

          I think of it like the early stages of learning a foreign language. I don’t focus on the impact of the words I’m saying or the meaning behind them, I just concentrate on getting the words themselves out, kind of like it’s a phrase I’m learning to pronounce correctly (hence the deep breath beforehand). I hope that helps!

          • Oy Vey

            Helps a lot. I think I can pretend the words have no meaning for long enough to spit them out. thanks.

        • Orangie

          I’m so sorry that you’re in this situation, but it sounds like you’re taking the right approach. Something that helps me when there’s something that is hard to say to someone, is practicing it alone, first. Actually say it out loud, multiple times, over and over again. That way, the first time you’re saying it, it doesn’t have such high stakes.

          It’s also a good way to try on opinions to see if they fit (which doesn’t sounds like your situation, it’s just another application of the technique).

          • KK

            This is great advice – actually practicing saying it out loud. I had to fire an employee whom I really liked, which is never easy, and having practiced exactly what I’d say like a speech really did help get that mental disconnect to get it started. Then it transitioned into a conversation and I was present in the moment, but having some practice to fall back on helped me keep my emotions in check during the hardest part of bringing it up.

          • Oy Vey

            Good advice, saying aloud a bunch. thanks.

    • JC

      You have been a crazy strong advocate for yourself thus far, to get to this point. Continue to be your own best advocate tonight, because you deserve a whole and fulfilling life. Sending you so many hugs!

    • CP2011

      Sounds like a sad and stressful situation, regardless of the outcome. Sending you good vibes!

    • rg223

      You have a lot of good advice here, so just sending some internet hugs to you.

    • KPM

      I’m late to HH today and you’ve gotten a lot of great advice so just want to send you hugs and congratulate you on being honest with yourself.

    • E.

      Just wanted to say that that’s really hard and I wish you well.

    • emilyg25

      I’m sorry. But good for you for protecting yourself first. It’s so hard, but so important. Hang in there.

    • Eenie

      Good luck! I think you already know the answer – be straight forward. Advocate for yourself. You deserve to be happy.

    • Oy vey, I just wanted to say I’m thinking of you this morning. How are you?

    • A single Sarah

      Woke up thinking of you. I hope that (however miserable today feels) yesterday’s conversation was everything you needed it to be.

    • Jess

      Oh honey. That sounds like a lot of stuff going on, and I’m really glad that you’ve spent some time thinking hard about what you really want.

      I hope everything goes as well as it can, and whatever is in store for you next is everything you deserve.

    • Anon

      Oy Vey- thinking of you!
      I’ve been in a relationship where I realized NOTHING was what I wanted and I had been compromising in every way. It was very isolating because even though it felt like love I was getting pulled further and further away from the people who really cared about me. It doesn’t have to be like that and you deserve to have YOUR dreams, and your family, and your happiness, without compromise. Sending hugs!

    • cml

      I’m late to read this, but wanted to send you an Internet hug. I hope that you’re managing okay, no attention what the outcome was over the weekend.

  • AGCourtney

    Congratulations, Maddie! So excited for you. Pregnancy definitely is a trip. Enjoy those naps!

    Well, *my* baby is turning 5 on Monday. I’m running around preparing for her birthday party tomorrow. The theme is Robin Hood, since she was so impressed by Robin Hood, Marian, and the rest of the crew at the Ren Fest. She’ll wear the hat they gave her. :) This week, I made my first pinata (turns out it’s really easy?) and decorated it like an archery target. Last night, my husband cut out the cardboard shields and covered them in aluminum – I was busy spraying Downy/water on the American Girl doll’s hair and combing it out all night. :P (After a serious discussion, my husband promised to start contributing more, and he’s really been stepping up in a big way since. …it’s really nice to feel like we’re on a team.) We’re also doing little popsicle stick bows with Q-tip arrows. The weather is going to be perfect, which is a relief for late October in Minnesota. It’s going to be such a fun day.

    Also, a friend of ours is making my daughter her Angelic Schuyler costume for Halloween, and last week said she might have it done by the party, so we’re really excited.

    We’re almost there with the kitchen remodel! We went to IKEA yesterday and made a final decision on the sink. Now we just need to make absolutely sure which drawer configuration we want (it’s hard to visualize where you’re going to put things!) and then we’re ready to go.

    The DEBATE. I work as an evening supervisor in a college library, so I decided to stream this one on my computer with one earbud in. …My desk workers were treated to some excellent commentary. I had to pause it partway through to do the 9pm rounds, and I noticed several people streaming it as well. It occurred to me that I’ll be working election night – that’ll be interesting! We’ll see if anyone gets anything done that night, haha.

    • ART

      Robin Hood theme…so cute and fun!

    • Katherine

      I’d love to hear more about your IKEA kitchen experiences when this is all done. We’re debating using them in the (far) future for our kitchen.

      • CP2011

        We went back and forth for a bit but decided to go the Ikea route. My parents have an Ikea kitchen and I’ve always been an Ikea fan. The only issue was that every single contractor we talked to said they didn’t recommend it or flat out refused to do one. So we decided to go with the Ikea vendor for installation and then piece-meal the rest – as in, hire separate plumber, electrician, etc. Which will be cheaper than a general contractor anyways for our relatively small job.

      • Nicole

        We have an IKEA kitchen that someone installed before we moved in an I LOVE IT (but do drawers and pullouts on the bottom as much as possible – that’s the only thing I’d change). We’re doing some work in our house (not the kitchen) and the contractor noticed the kitchen and wanted to check it out. They’ve done other IKEA kitchens too and said she thinks they work out really well. So some contractors are willing to do it.

    • Gaby

      I love the Robin Hood theme and decorations you’re doing :)

    • CP2011

      Ikea kitchen! We got our Ikea install scheduled last weekend (decided to just go with their vendor). What sink did you choose? I think I might find a sink elsewhere but strongly eyeing their faucets. I’m afraid the kind where you pull out the sprayer from the main spout will get stretched out over time so I’m thinking the springy kind will be better. Did you do countertop thru Ikea too?

      • AGCourtney

        http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/S89157484/
        Single bowl. We’ll get the accessories like the strainer, too, for when we’re peeling potatoes and whatnot. We’re going to go ahead and do the Ringskar with the pull-out spout – I figure there’s a 10-year warranty, we’ll go for it. We’re doing the counters through someone else. I picked it out before this turned into a full-kitchen remodel, and we’ve had our hearts set on the pattern.

        • CP2011

          Thanks! We got our countertops somewhere else too. I just realized that the sink I was eyeing online is 32in wide and our cabinet is only 30 in wide so it’s back to the drawing board.

          • AGCourtney

            That’s how it goes, right? If I had a dollar for every time we’ve hit a snag like that… :P

    • Kat

      I’m hoping to see tons of little Hamilton inspired revolutionaries this year for Halloween! Please share pics!!!

      • Amanda

        Ahh! I definitely thought about this, as my daughter has just a little bit of hair, perfect for a founding father ponytail. But I bought a costume at target instead, because I have no time. But I’d like to see the little Hamiltons too!

    • “I Don’t Knowww, Margo!”

      That party sounds awesome! Happy birthday to your little one!

  • Sarah

    yay Maddie! I didn’t find the second tri to be magical but it sucked less than the first and telling people is fun :)

  • Eh

    Congrats Maddie!

    Family pictures went mostly well last weekend. The weather was a bit iffy (thunder and lightning in the distance) and it started to pour just as we were finishing up. We’ve seen a couple of the pictures and I can’t wait to see the rest.

    Wednesday was our third anniversary. My husband had an important meeting at work so we celebrated on Tuesday. Both of us took the day off, sent our daughter to daycare, went out for lunch and then saw a movie.

    In other news, I try not to keep toxic people in my life. My husband’s uncle is spewing hate multiple times a day (the other night, four times in 30 minutes he posted a homophobic, Islamophobic, sexist or racist comments on posts in different FB groups – all of this popping up in my news feed). Yesterday he made a comment that apparently if you don’t agree with “our leftist overlords” that you are a bigot and then said “I guess that makes me a bigot”. Then today, he directly called a random person on FB an extremely offensive derogatory term. That is the last straw and I unfriended him so I don’t have to see his comments. Luckily we don’t have much contact with him. We see him at Christmas and maybe one other time a year. Unfortunately, that one other event this year way my daughter’s first birthday party where he made a sexist joke in front of three girls and then unprovoked started talking about politics while my daughter was opening presents. I’m not going to miss his comments when I am scrolling through FB.

    • Olive

      Happy anniversary! Good for you for un-friending someone you don’t consider a friend!

      • Eh

        It was a hard decision since he is my husband’s uncle. Some people in the family share similar (maybe, less extreme) views but are less vocal (or they know better than to say it in front of me). I am also going to have to have a conversation with my husband because I do not want him in our house again after his behaviour (I have mentioned that I was upset about his behaviour at the birthday party, and he knows about the posts on FB). This is a bit tricky because he lives with his daughter/husband’s cousin who my husband is close to. Luckily we don’t often host events at our house that we would invite extended family to.

    • Not Sarah

      My husband and I agreed that I don’t have to accept friend requests from his aunts and uncles since I have no direct contact with them. That seemed like a reasonable place to draw the line to me.

      • Eh

        We never talked about guidelines around accepting FB friend requests from family. He knows that my biggest rule is that I have to have actually met the person. Some of his second cousins and other relatives have sent me friend requests and he knows that I have no accepted because I haven’t met them.

        I’m also wondering if something has changed in the uncle’s life over the last couple of years (since we became FB friends). He has always been conservative but he seems to be more vocal about his bigoted views. Another family member, who is also distressed by the uncles comments, has noticed that he’s been worse lately.

  • Megan

    In wedding news, we finally locked down our guestlist! We have 150 people on it and are hoping for close to 120 attendees. With it being a (domestic) destination wedding, I think that’s a pretty reasonable guestimate of how many final guests we’ll have but we’ll see! Let’s just hope that if people get a save the date and know they aren’t coming already that they tell us now so we can invite people off of our B list!

    • Emily C

      That’s probably a pretty good guesstimate! We invited about 160 and 112 RSVP’d and I was so happy with that number because we really didn’t want to go over 120. We invited a lot of out of town cousins who I knew weren’t going to come but for courtesy’s sake we had to invite, so I think that skewed the results.

  • Trinity

    Yesterday marks 17 weeks pregnant for me! I’ve started the process of painting our entire house (which we purchased 5 months ago), and I’m starting to think about our baby registry. Any tips from anyone on items you couldn’t live without? Items you would never register for again?

    • rg223

      I think the main thing to know is that whatever you’re buying, the baby is going to be too old for it SO FAST. I have a 13 month old, and I walk around Babies R Us and think “my son is too old for 75% of this stuff.”

      Things I didn’t need: stuff to puree baby food (the puree stage was VERY short for my son, so if you have any kind of blender/food processor, don’t buy anything else), walkers/swings/bouncers/contraptions to hold the baby (I would say pick ONE of these types of things, just so you have somewhere safe to put the baby while you go to the bathroom. Some babies sleep in swings or rock and plays, but that was not my son. And you don’t know if your kid is going to like it in advance), lots of clothes for a newborn (my son wore all his newborn clothes… once. He grew out of everything SO fast).

      Couldn’t live withouts (which seem random): the baby toothbrush that’s shaped like a banana (meant to be used with gums and the very first teeth – every baby I know LOVES that banana! It’s great for teething), Sophie the Giraffe (though kind of expensive – put it on the registry! It’s also just a fun toy for my son now), Fischer Price jungle playmat (my son was laying under it when he was 3 days old and played in it every day for 6 months – plus we could chart his development with it (“oh wow, he’s grabbing that toy!”) – totally worth it), Pack and Play (I toss him in there now for a safe place to play, and was surprisingly convenient for travel).

      My son got up from his nap – I’ll add more later if I think of anything!

    • emilyg25

      I loved a good baby carrier, the rock n play (or swing or similar place to stash the baby), something that allows the baby to sleep right next to your side of the bed (we used a pack n play), and the Infantino fast chair portable high chair. A lot of stuff like swing, bouncer, etc. is super easy to find used on Craigslist. I’m kind of a baby gear minimalist.

    • TeaforTwo

      I think if you asked 100 people, you would get a list of 100 of must-haves because every family is different, so my best advice is to buy as little as possible before the baby arrives, because anything you discover you need will still be on Amazon Prime after the baby comes. Mostly you’ll just need lots of hand sanitizer and spare t-shirts.

      That said, especially if you are trying to populate a registry, I recommend:

      -A bassinet or something the baby can sleep in right beside your bed, because you will be waking up a lot in the night with the baby.
      -Some kind of nightlight (we used a Himalayan salt lamp) that will provide enough light for you to nurse by in the middle of the night without making the room so bright that everyone is 100% awake.
      -A few of those wearable blanket sleepsacks.
      -A bunch of receiving blankets to use for swaddling, as burp cloths, as playmats, in the stroller, or just to wipe up the various baby fluids.
      -A change pad that is easy to wipe down, especially if you are expecting a boy. (I don’t know about girl babies, but our son peed every time we took his diaper off for the first two months or so and it was messy.)
      -Newborn sleeper gowns – easy to change diapers because there are no snaps or zippers, and baby’s legs will be so frogged up for the first couple of weeks that they won’t really get their feet into the footies on their PJs anyway.
      -A newborn-friendly baby carrier. I found my ring sling way easier than a wrap.

      We didn’t get a swing or bouncy chair and so far (4.5 months in) haven’t needed one. I didn’t buy a breast pump either, and so far have found it easier just to be with my baby and nurse him than to pump and have bottles for him but that only works because of my long mat leave and won’t be true for everyone.

      • Amanda

        I exclusively breastfed my child, but I pumped and introduced a bottle at 3ish months so that I would be able to have her bottle fed if I needed it. It was very nice for the grandparents to give her bottles so my husband and I could go to the movies for our anniversary. She only got a bottle once a month so I wasn’t worried about her getting a preference for bottles or anything.

        I had a friend with a child that refused bottles who warned me about it. She was a little bitter that she couldn’t go for more than a few hours without her child until he was 2.

        • TeaforTwo

          I don’t have any worries about bottles, I just find that I already spend so much time nursing that setting aside time to pump is less appealing than sticking close to the baby.

          I know that’s not an option that every family can or wants to choose, but I found that everyone assumed I would need a pump and would want to leave bottles and so far that hasn’t been the case. I also have friends who did buy pumps when they were pregnant and now find they hate pumping so much that they don’t use them.

          My point was mostly just that there are a few big ticket items that some people would label as “must-haves” that we could have spent a bunch of cash on but haven’t needed.

          • Amanda

            Yes, I totally agree that pumping sucks, literally and figuratively! I was just trying to point out to other pregnant women why you might want to pump even if you think you’re going to exclusively breastfeed. Pumping is way more work than non pumping people imagine – cleaning and storage and it eats into your precious non-baby time.

            I have heard some judgey comments lately (not you, but from a local mom’s group) about how great it is that their kids don’t take pacifiers or bottles, and I think that was also in the back of my mind.

            I do think that since breastpumps are covered by insurance now, the cost should be less of an issue. I know some people have shitty insurance though.

    • Mary Jo TC

      Depending on where you live and whether you walk anywhere, you may or may not need a stroller. Or you may decide you would use one, but not enough to justify a big purchase, and get one used.

      Swaddles with velcro are really helpful for sleep early on.

      My favorite kind of baby clothes are zip-up footed sleepers.

      If you’re planning to nurse and pump milk, you will probably get a free pump through insurance, but mine didn’t come with extra bottles. You will probably want at least 10-12 bottles. And extra membranes! And a pumping bra.

      One hack that we’ve used for this baby is putting the baby tub on the bathroom floor when it’s not in use and putting the baby in it when I have to use the toilet.

      Obviously, you need a car seat. That’s probably your most expensive purchase/gift. We bought 2–a “bucket seat” that detaches and can be carried, and a larger one that stays put that was in my husband’s car all the time. Then we got a second one for my car when he grew out of the bucket seat. At 3, our oldest is still using those 2 car seats. Now our new baby is re-using his brother’s old bucket car seat, and we have a second base for him for dad’s car. Bucket seats often are designed to go together with a stroller if you want that.

      Do not need: wipe warmer, special hooded towels, toys, food puree kit, breastfeeding pillow, nursery decorations, crib bumpers (now considered dangerous).

    • Amanda

      Best:
      Nose frida! They look a little weird, but they’re the best baby snot suckers. Squirt saline up the baby’s nose first to loosen the snot. Amazing.
      Ubbi diaper pail. Keeps stink contained. No need to buy filters like diaper genie.
      Nice nursing rocking chair. I have spent sooooooo much time in this. I’m glad it’s comfy and the covers can be washed.
      Little stepstool for the rocking chair. It helps nursing positioning when baby’s a newborn.
      Nursing pillow. I had My Breast Friend, which buckles on you. One less thing to shift around and fumble with.
      Cosleeper baby bed. We got a “sidecar” model that strapped to the bed. Baby slept in that the first 4 months. Made it way easier to breastfeed at night.
      Good baby gates. Get metal ones – the expandable wood kind are ok for grandma’s house, but for everyday use you want a step through kind with a toddler lock. Easier to put these up before they start crawling.

      Didn’t need:
      ALL THE RECEIVING BLANKETS. We had about 3 million, probably just needed one set of muslin Aden and Anis set and one set of warmer ones. They can’t sleep with blankets until they’re like 3 anyway, but they’re good for swaddling, playing on, wiping mess up, etc.
      Grandma bought a mattress topper for the crib mattress without asking us. Obviously no-no for sids risk, we can’t put it on my daughter’s bed for at least another year. I didn’t want to fight about that so it’s just in the closet.
      Other grandma wanted to buy bumpers. This was a flat out no from me. There’s too many documented risks, they don’t need them, who cares if it would make the bed look cuter.
      Mobiles. Another cute-killing child safety tip: mobile parts can break off, fall into crib, kid can choke on them. I had a bunch of pinterest plans to make one, I felt less guilty after reading a recommendation not to get them.
      Rock N Play. Our kid slept fine without it. My cousin’s daughter needed it to sleep for a solid year though. Don’t get one unless you end up needing it.

    • Amy

      My baby’s only 3 months old so I can only give you suggestions for the newborn phase, but here goes:

      – Baby wrap! I use the Boba; lots of people use the Moby. It’s the only way I can get anything done with two hands since my newborn wanted to be held alll the time. I also find it much easier than wrangling a stroller for going on walks or running errands. Don’t be intimidated by the process of figuring out how to tie it – just watch a YouTube video and practice a few times, and you’ll be a pro. Seriously, this is my lifesaving baby item.

      – Pack & Play. You can use it as a bassinet when they’re young, a playpen when they’re older, and a travel crib if need be. You’ll want some kind of bassinet for next to your bed anyway since it makes nighttime feedings much easier.

      – Baby swing. For when you need someone to hold the baby but no one’s there. We use the Fisher Price Cradle n’ Swing and our baby looooves it. Some people love the MamaRoo but it’s more $$$.

      – White noise machine. Newborns hate silence, weirdly.

      (Speaking of white noise, the baby soothing methods from The Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp seem gimmicky but are actually eerily accurate. You don’t need the whole book, just check out the DVD.)

      – SwaddleMe or Miracle Blanket for sleeping. Much easier than trying to correctly fold a swaddling blanket around a thrashing, hysterical baby.

      – SkipHop Grab & Go Pronto Changing Station. I carry this instead of a whole diaper bag – much easier.

      – BabyBum Diaper Cream Brush. Seems kind of dumb but we use it every day, multiple times a day. It’s basically a cake frosting spatula, but for butts.

      – Lots of burp cloths, crib sheets, changing pad covers, and footie pajamas (ideally with the built-in hand covers so they don’t scratch their faces up). And OxyClean, for all the fluids that will get on all that stuff.

      Congratulations!

  • scw

    congratulations maddie!! love that photo of your grandma.

    this week’s ynab post made me finally sign up and I love it. thanks! my husband is transitioning to a new career (he’s worked nights and I’ve worked days for the last eight years and OMG I cannot believe that opposite schedule hell is over!) right now and being able to roughly lay out our expenses for the next few months has given us both a lot of peace of mind about the transition.

  • Amy March
    • Maddie Eisenhart

      :adds to registry:

    • Amanda

      2 year olds loooove them. Tell your best friends to buy your future baby bigger sizes. People get a bunch of stuff for newborns for your shower, but newborns don’t need to wear anything but footie pajamas. If you get cute stuff up to size 2t you will like pulling it out instead of dreading another clothes shopping trip.

  • ART

    My week sucked. I went in for a pap on Monday and had to have a surprise colposcopy and cervical biopsy (my 4th over the last 2 years…I thought I was done). Since it was a last-minute decision to add that procedure to the appointment, I kind of feel like the NP rushed it, and I was really tense, so my belly has been sore all week and it messed up my exercise plans and I have just felt gross all week. I think that, plus just the rage I’m feeling during this election season, plus hormones…just has me drained. I’m trying to think of something nice I can do for myself tomorrow.

    But congrats, Maddie, that is really wonderful news!

    • Cellistec

      Ugh, that sucks so much. Hope you get some self-care this weekend to make things better.

    • Katherine

      I’m sorry, it sucks when these things happen. Take it easy this weekend!

  • “I Don’t Knowww, Margo!”

    Congratulations, Maddie! That’s so exciting, and I’m so happy it’s such an accommodating workplace.

    My workplace just announced changes to the parental leave policy, and as we’re planning on trying to start a family relatively soon, I’m PUMPED. We now get four additional weeks at full pay, which is way better than it’s been, and I think we can take up to 4 months off. Also, new parents now get a bunch more PTO to use in the baby’s first 6 months.

    • AGCourtney

      That’s wonderful!

    • CP2011

      The extra PTO in the first 6 mos is awesome! At my office (huge healthcare system) we only get FMLA plus our PTO…meaning that by the time you return you don’t have any left. And I imagine that’s when you really need it, with your baby getting sick in daycare and all the appointments.

      • JSK

        And, um, the days where you wake up 5 times between 11 and 3 am and never quite fall back to sleep after 3 am?

        -Sent from a layer of lucidity I never knew existed

      • Another Meg

        Same here. It’s frustrating. :/

      • “I Don’t Knowww, Margo!”

        Ours used to be a couple weeks at full pay, then 40 hours of PTO, then FMLA, and then any extra PTO. I’m actually really impressed with my company- they held a focus group (which I happily took part in, as it’s relevant to my interests!) and listened to what parents/future parents wanted. The fact that they actually took it into consideration and added all the accommodations is great. A bunch of us were pushing for a year, but this is better than nothing!

    • Nice! My company added 2 weeks for all new parents, male or female, natural or adoptive, and it was very well received. My total leave is fully paid which I’m very thankful for, I was pleasantly surprised when I found that out.

  • Olive

    Congrats to all the expecting mamas here!!! My friend just told me today she’s expecting as well :) All the baby love!

    Yesterday I attended a session of an Academic Women’s Forum that’s been going on this month at my university, and inadvertently joined a group going through Brene Brown’s “The Daring Way” program together. I knew the talk I was going to was called “The Daring Way” and was based on Dr. Brown’s work, but other than that I had no clue what it was going to be about. As it turns out, it’s a six session program throughout this semester and next and is focused on living courageously and kind of embracing everything that goes along with that, good and bad. I’m really intrigued and am going to keep going. I’m excited for it and hopeful that it can help me get out of my motivation rut in my grad program.

    Have any APWers had experience with this program?

    My area’s pretty severely affected by the DDoS attack today, and I’m also super proud of myself for switching to an open DNS server to get Disqus to work. Although I was a lot more productive before I figured that out ;)

    • Ashlah

      Ah, I knew something funky was up with the internet! Glad to know it’s not just me, but how annoying.

  • Call Me Penny

    Congrats Maddie! Wonderful news.

    This week was the first since our wedding last month where I’ve felt like I’m back in my routine, and it feels so good. We’ve managed to stick to our goal of one evening a week ‘marriage time’ (no phones, ipads or tv. It was the one really accessible and practical thing we took away from our pre-marriage course, and so far it’s been great).

    A friend who couldn’t come to the wedding took us out last night for dinner and drinks, and it was so lovely to catch up and know we weren’t coming home to a giant spreadsheet of wedding tasks. Said friend was actually my first boss, and we hit it off at the time and have stayed close after both moving on from the jobs where we met. He has since started a relationship with the woman who at the time was the manager above us both, and it hasn’t been an easy ride for them. A lot of therapy for them both has them in a really good place now, so it was especially lovely that she came along for the evening. There’s a 20 year age gap for them and I know she has struggled with that at times, so I’m really glad they seem to be working through everything and are doing well.

    We also finally set up a joint account this week after ten years together and living together for six, and it feels so good to be hunkering down on our savings goals and hopefully working towards buying a home in the next few years. Now if we could only decide where we would be winning!

  • Cellistec

    Last weekend I had my first volunteer shift at a local emergency sanctuary for kids in foster care, and it went unbelievably well. Thanks to my training (and some on-the-spot creativity) I actually felt like I was being helpful instead of just taking up space or doing something anyone else could do. Considering how nervous I was going into it, the experience felt like a real success. I know not every shift will be like that, but I’m already looking forward to my next one.

    • Olive

      That’s fabulous! I’m glad it went well! I’ve been wanting to volunteer somewhere, but grad school is too hectic right now and people I emailed months ago never got back to me. It’s one of the things I’m most excited for post-graduation.

    • CP2011

      I just signed up to do that too! I dropped the ball on getting my paperwork together in time for this month’s, but I’m looking forward to starting! I’ve been looking for the right volunteer fit for a long time now.

  • G.

    Follow-up to the hormonal birth control thread — a really good article that contextualizes the Danish birth control study and works through its implications for women’s health (by a maternal-fetal medicine doctor): http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/medical_examiner/2016/10/birth_control_is_linked_to_depression_in_one_flawed_study_that_doesn_t_mean.html

    • Her Lindsayship

      Thanks for sharing – that was a very thoughtful piece! I think it’s great that APW will delve into topics that some women take for granted and get people thinking, but that thread felt a little scare-mongery at times. It’s good to get a different perspective.

      • G.

        You’re welcome. I’ve been chewing on how I also felt that thread was scare-mongery at times and have been doing more reading. This article stood out as thorough and thoughtful.

  • Katherine

    My wedding is tomorrow! In the past three days I have, along with my almost-husband: painted a sign to help people identify our guestbook, bought half a dozen growlers, driven over an hour north to meet with our florist, and desperately hunted for a pocket square to match his tie (we gave up and bought fabric to fake it). Y’all, I am exhausted and really ready for this honeymoon.

    On the plus side, my dress fits! I expressed some woes about this the other week, and while it’s not perfect, it’s not so large that we need to get it altered. Didn’t stop my mom, who is still the true hero of wedding prep, from insisting we go to the tailor at 7 a.m. just in case.

    • Emily C

      I hope you have a wonderful wedding day!! And then get to relax on your honeymoon! I saved most of my time off for around the wedding, so I was feeling pretty burnt out by the time it actually arrived. I said screw it 2 days before when I still had a couple small things to do (signs for cake table, etc) and just got drunk on prosecco with my friends from out of town! :)

  • Congratulations, Maddie!!! My first trimester involved a lot of naps in my car over lunch. But eventually your energy will return and it made me just giddy to just have the “normal” energy back again. Best of luck!

  • Congratulations Maddie! So excited for you! :-)

    This week I hit 30wks pregnant and the idea of labor & delivery is becoming much more real. And now I’m thinking about hiring a doula. APW mamas, did you have a doula and was it worth it?

    Also my (local) baby shower is next weekend and I’m a bit disappointed that so many people have RSVPed no. I knew most of our out of town friends wouldn’t make it (but we wanted to extend the invite anyway) but a lot of in-town folks aren’t coming either and I’m not feeling super supported by my community :-( I hope this isn’t an indicator of how life will be after I have the baby, as my friends are very important to me.

    • AGCourtney

      I had a doula and definitely think it was worth it*. The nurses and doctor were great, my now-husband was great, but the doula just filled this wonderful in-between space of personal and professional. She knew ways to make me feel more comfortable and did various helpful things so my now-husband could stay present in the moment, had awesome tricks for pushing, and was such a wonderful, calming presence in the delivery room. I’m so glad she was there.

      (*I should mention it was free – she was getting started in her independent practice and contacted a non-profit that was helping me to ask if any low-income women would be interested.)

      Feeling let down by your community is so hard. I’m sure it’s more of a result of the fact that weekends are *so busy* this time of year (especially in MN? it seems like there’s a half-dozen things we could go to written in my planner every Saturday and Sunday) rather than a damning indicator of life post-baby. I myself was really surprised by all the people who stopped by or sent gifts and cards to show their support after the birth. So, without dismissing the totally valid feelings of disappointment, I’m sure you’ll have a lovely time with the people who can make it, and that those who can’t will show their love in other ways.

      • Yeah, a lot of people are busy, especially with prebooked travel which I can’t fault them for. And I’m trying to remind myself that people care even if they can’t make it to the actual shower.

    • ZLMT

      I had a doula and it was absolutely worth it to me. I had a very long labor so it meant that she and my husband could take turns going out for food, taking a break, etc over the two days she was with us. She was also great at normalizing what was going on, and just being a very calm person after some unexpected developments. Also, since neither I nor my husband had any experience with labor/delivery/etc, it was nice to have someone constantly there who did.

    • StevenPortland

      We hired a doula for our first son’s birth and it was absolutely worth it. The hospital staff are focused on the medical side of things, but its the doula who will be focused on you specifically. The doula will also be able to help your husband know how to help you. It was so reassuring to have an expert in the birthing room with us during labor.

    • JSK

      I did not hire a doula and things were fine (if an emergency c-section can be considered fine). My labor progressed very quickly and I don’t feel the presence of a doula would have impacted outcome much. However! I had a very bad (administrative) experience during the initial portion of my labor that I think a doula could have helped me through. Details below, feel free to skip if you have labor phobia.

      —-
      The short of it: We were sent home from Triage at 6am after being told I was definitely in regular labor. I labored at home for 2-2.5 hours and once the pain got intense enough, I called the OB call number. The nurse who answered had me go to the doctor’s office where I terrified most of the patrons with my very definite labor screams. I ended up being wheeled from that office to the L&D triage again. Once they found me a room, I had to have a blood test to determine if I could have an epidural. After I had the epidural everything was beautiful (put me on pitocin and I was pushing within 1-1.5 hours). C-Section was due to enormity of Babyhead’s head.

      Anyway, I think the doula would have told the Dr’s office to GTFO and just had me go back to triage (or had me never leave triage, honestly) and/or could have helped me cope with the pain while my husband handled the administrative stuff. I don’t know the extent to which the doula would have been involved post-op, but that would have been helpful, too. Recovery room nurse was a nightmare and we were both exhausted and not able to advocate for ourselves well.

      Best of luck!

      • Amanda

        Ugh, that sounds hard and unnecessary. I gave birth really early on a Saturday morning, so we had super nice and attentive nurses for the first couple of days because the floor was not filled up, because no one schedules c sections for weekends. It’s amazing how a good or bad nurse can change your hospital experience!

    • rg223

      I did not have a doula, though we considered it and I even contacted and chatted with a couple. It was the right decision for us, but we had a few factors that made it the right choice:

      I had a midwife, and she provided a ton of support – not so much emotional, but she was there for the entire time I was in the hospital laboring, which is not the case with an MD (I did labor at home for about 5 hours without her). She was really fantastic, and she did take on a bit of a doula role in that she reminded me of my birth wishes and, at times, kept the hospital staff at bay. Example: one of the nurses started talking about vacuums when I had been pushing for 2.5 hours, and my midwife shut. it. down. I love her for that – she let me keep going because the baby and I were doing okay. If I were not using a midwife and was in a typical hospital setting, I for sure would have used a doula.

      Also, my husband and I also took Bradley classes, and he really bought into the idea of the husband as childbirth coach. Bradley actually says doulas aren’t really necessary, because the husband should be in that role (although I think most Bradley instructors recommend doulas). I have to say he was absolutely phenomenal. He didn’t check out the entire time I was in labor – he was by my side the whole time, getting me ice chips, saying encouraging things – he was the emotional support I needed.

      My husband and I are private people, when it comes down to it, and having a doula on top of the midwife just felt like an additional person to manage. I’m also not a “one on one coaching” kind of person. I sort of hate trainers at the gym encouraging me. I use my own internal motivation (which was exactly what helped me get through labor, now that I think about it).

      FWIW, the vast majority of people I know who have had doulas were happy they did it. I hope this is helpful!

    • Jessica

      I think it depends what your goals are. If you are trying to have fewer medical interventions (eg avoiding an epidural, etc) a doula is really helpful. If you really like your OB-GYN and want to just put yourself in their hands and trust that you’ll have a healthy baby at the end of the process, I think it’s fine to be without one.
      I had my mom (mother of 5) and husband with me, and was trying to avoid an epidural. I did, but I got IV pain meds and the whole thing wasn’t as “natural” as I had hoped for. I found that the nurses mostly monitored me, and while my husband and mom were great emotional support, they didn’t have the knowledge to suggest a whole lot of things to make labor easier. (My mom afterwards was like, “…so I have GIVEN birth five times, but I had never seen a birth before!”) So it was mostly me telling my husband to give me counter-pressure, asking the nurses to bring me a birth ball, a peanut ball, etc. — and I have no idea if there were other, more useful things we could have been doing.

    • I’m hiring a doula! We’re using Sarah Auna ( http://heartlandbirth.com/ ). She’s a great mix of super supportive and encouraging without being toooooooooo hippy-dippy (no offense, but there’s a wide spectrum of doulas out there). Blooma has a ton of great doula resources if you’re looking for one. In my case, my husband doesn’t have a lot of good birth experiences, so having a solid, encouraging resource for me during my first birth was super important. Also, research has shown that women that use doulas experience less pain during birth and have more positive experiences. You can also check places like Minnesota Birth Center which have doula “interns” that offer their services at a discounted rate, if that takes some risk out of giving them a try.

    • Daisy6564

      I am 37 weeks pregnant and labor and delivery is legit getting real (as real as possible for something I have never done before). Congrats to you!

      1. I really want a doula, I think it is a great concept. Unfortunately the price tag ($1000 in my area) is out of range. I’d say go for it if you can find one you can afford.

      2. I had the same experience with my shower. I am in general feeling a little unsupported by my loved ones heading into motherhood and it sucks for multiple reasons. I feel ya. It sucks because I do not want to feel ungrateful for the love and support I have gotten from unexpected places (at work, from neighbors, etc.) It also sucks because I am scared about feeling more lonely and isolated once this little bambino comes. No solutions to offer, just a fist bump of solidarity.

    • Mary Jo TC

      I had a volunteer doula at my first birth (she was in training). She was great, but I’m not sure she would have been worth it if we’d had to pay for her. That’s because 1) I had a relatively easy, quick, uncomplicated labor, 2) my mom was there too, and she was almost as good and knowlegeable as a doula because she had 7 kids, 3) I wasn’t absolutely dead set on a ‘natural’ birth–I was open to an epidural if I felt I needed it, but preferred not to, and 4) most importantly, I had nitrous oxide.

      If any of those factors had been different, I might feel differently about the importance of a doula’s support. So whether or not a doula is important for you might depend on how scared you are about the birth, how difficult you expect it to be, the support you anticipate from your family and medical team (or if you expect them to try to push you into interventions you want to avoid), how determined you are to avoid interventions.

      So after that experience I didn’t have a doula for my second birth, which was just as easy, quick and uncomplicated as the first, but with extra experience and confidence on my part, and it was fine.

      I hope that’s helpful!

    • YES. 31 weeks and I’m starting to freak out. We start our birth classes in November, and I purposely left it to the last minute so I wouldn’t forget everything. I sent out a list of names for our baby shower, and it felt so strange, because I had a hard time coming up with a list of people (I don’t remember the bridal shower/wedding being this hard) and a bunch of people I wanted to invite aren’t in town, so that bummed me out too. I’m worried no one will show as well (also, the person throwing the shower insisted on a all-girls thing, which means my gay boyfriend and guy friends are excluded, so I might have to do a beer and pizza night with my boys).

      I thought about hiring a doula, but the cost + being due right before Christmas meant that the few I did contact weren’t taking a client then. :(

    • raccooncity

      Omg guys I’m just realizing there will be so many babies around the same time. EXCITING!!!!

    • K

      Definitely get a doula if you can. I had an experienced doula (>10 yr experience) at each birth — the first one totally let me down, and the second one was great.

      The first doula did not believe me that labor was progressing. I had to call her three times to convince her to come over (home birth). Then she didn’t believe me when I said it was time to call the midwife until I said it was time to push. I wish my best friend had been at the birth because she would have heard me – but she was in another state and probably wouldn’t have wanted to attend anyway :) . Hubby was deer-in-headlights the whole time and didn’t know what to do.

      My second doula understood how to support me. At one point, she kicked everybody out of the room because she could tell that I did not like everyone looking at me. An unexpected benefit of my second doula was the support while waiting — first baby was 5 days early, second was 11 days late. It was a long wait with a lot of false labor, and I liked having someone to talk to.

    • Gina

      I had a doula. I think whether or not it’s “worth it” depends on a couple of things:
      1) What are your goals for the birth? If you want to have a natural birth, a doula would definitely increase your chances of meeting this goal.
      2) What is your current care provider/hospital situation like? If they are not accustomed to dealing with natural birth or women who advocate for themselves in ways that are different than they are used to (i.e., I want to move around in labor because it makes it less painful and there’s no medical reason for me to be strapped to a bed as long as baby’s heartrate is fine) then it really helps to have a doula there to advocate for you when you’re in the middle of a contraction.
      3) What will your partner’s role be in labor? Is he or she more of a hands-on person or more the silent supportive type?

      For me, having a doula was 100% worth it because I really did want a natural birth. I factored the cost of a doula into the fact that having one reduces your risk of unnecessary and expensive interventions. I had a midwife that was very supportive of how I wanted to labor, but even a midwife isn’t there the whole time, so it’s nice to have that doula by your side. And my husband is more the silent, hands-off type, so he wasn’t really encouraging me in the way I needed, and the doula filled that role. I really did need her to take my face in her hands and say “Gina, you need to push right now” when I was not listening to the midwife.

      I WOULD definitely meet with her ahead of time and talk about your birth plan/see if your personalities click. Talk about what she would do during labor and what you think you will want. And if you don’t click, interview another. I found mine on doulamatch.net, and the reviews you can read on there are really helpful. Good luck!

    • emilyg25

      I did not have a doula and I kind of wish I had. We went with midwives and they told me they’d be there like a doula, but they weren’t really. And I ended up having a really long labor. I kinda new that if shit hit the fan, my husband wasn’t going to be able to keep me on track to be med-free because he’s just not an assertive guy. But ultimately, I loved my birth experience anyway and did feel really respected and supported and got to save that $800.

    • TeaforTwo

      I think that if a) you can afford a doula, and b) an unmedicated birth is important to you, you should do it.

      I didn’t have a doula, and I will get one next time. My husband was as supportive as he possibly could have been (seriously, he is amazing – in 40 hours of labour he never once let on that he might have a single physical or emotional need of his own) but a doula would have had more hands-on practical experience with pain management techniques, and we could have used that. When my midwives arrived, for example, they were great with specific massage/counterpressure that made a world of difference.

      On the other hand, after about 20 hours of labour, I got an epidural, and holy cow did it ever work. Took a nap, ate some popsicles, flipped through magazines, did a crossword, texted back and forth with a few friends, really enjoyed the catheter that meant I wasn’t up to pee every hour for the first time in months. I was in labour for another 20 hours with the epidural and the drugs worked so well that I don’t know what I would have done with a doula except for have someone else to crack jokes with.

      • emilyg25

        Yeah, my husband was amazing and right there with me the whole time, but he didn’t remember a lot of the pain relief techniques we’d talked about or guide me in visualization or anything that might have helped me break through once the pain got too much for me. He just did what I told him.

    • Amanda

      I have a friend who is a doula, she was great to have during birth. I had labor pains in my back, and she and my husband switched off pushing on my lower back for 3 hours straight.

    • Amy

      I got a doula based on the positive things I read about them in Expecting Better. I actually went in knowing I wanted an epidural, which seems kind of unusual for the doula-hiring crowd. However, I purposely selected a doula practice that was supportive of all types of birth and wouldn’t push me into trying to go drug-free, and she were great. I had never attended a birth before and my family lives on the opposite coast, so it was very reassuring to have someone with us who knew the ropes. I was able to text her anytime throughout pregnancy, and ended up texting the most with her during early labor (as in, “Oh my god it’s 3 am and this mucusy bloody stuff is coming out what is happening is this normal???”). I mean, who else can you text a picture of your mucus plug to?

      My labor ended up progressing very quickly and smoothly. I was 4 cm dilated and feeling pretty good when I checked in to L&D; I got the epidural anyway and a few hours later I was 9 cm and ready to push. I pushed for 15 minutes and was done. I can’t take any kind of credit for this; I didn’t do a single Kegel during my pregnancy and was a huge slacker on all the pelvis-y exercises you’re supposed to do. After it was all over I did wonder whether the doula was really necessary because it was all so easy, but I still maintain that I’m glad she was there. She stayed with us the whole time and was full of helpful suggestions to move things along and keep me comfortable; in fact, I’m pretty confident things wouldn’t have gone as smoothly as they did had she not been there. The medical staff have other patients to attend to and rotate out as shifts change; our doula was there for us the whole time.

      Re: the baby shower. I feel you. I ended up having a lot of people RSVP no or never bother to RSVP at all, which hurt – especially since many of them were people for whom I had scheduled the shower on a specific day to accommodate their work schedule. Boo. And then we had a fair number of no-shows day-of, which just pissed me off, because a) it’s really rude, and b) we ended up with a ton of leftover food. Overall it was still a fun day and we had a great time with the people who did come, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t still bother me that people I thought would be there didn’t come. Unfortunately it actually was somewhat predictive of their level of support once the baby arrived.

      However! Since my baby has been here I’ve gotten involved in a local new mom group and have found a wonderful community of women who are far more supportive and understanding regarding this whole mothering gig than those folks who didn’t come to my shower. The community you’re looking for is out there! I would highly, highly recommend that you get out and seek them out through mom meetups, support groups, storytimes, etc. once your baby is here. I went to my first new baby support group meeting when my baby was 3 weeks old and it was fantastic. Don’t be discouraged if you don’t find your people on your first try – shop around until you find the right group. It’s so worth it. Good luck!

    • macrain

      I did not have a doula, and if I had to do it over I might have. My husband really embraced his role in the birth as my main support person, but even so he did not have the medical knowledge (other than what we learned in childbirth class).
      I learned afterward that he felt he had failed because we barely got to the hospital on time, which breaks my heart. We had been on the phone with my doctor and she had told us to stay put, having no idea how close I really was! If we’d had a doula, things might have been different.
      That said, I ultimately don’t regret anything about how I experienced childbirth. You know yourself best, so follow your gut! Big hugs to you, Mama!

  • Gaby

    We got married! Where are all my other Oct. 15th brides at? How are you feeling? When’s the honeymoon? Maybe everyone’s already doing that. We’re leaving for our cruise on Monday and get back Friday. Everything went great and I can’t wait to get our photos from the photographer. Since our wedding was at home, our chihuahua seems to have gotten into a little too much food that night and is needing antibiotics for stomach problems, but all is well aside from that. I’m glad we have a roommate who can look after her and get her medicated so that we won’t worry too much while we’re away.
    Oh, I also had to call in on Tuesday because my body finally gave in to exhaustion from weeks of to-do lists topped off with a night of endless dancing. A good problem to have, though.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7f53298cbb38dfddd00489d7f02a3cc2adbcd2e9f887464b3a06d4b06f942aad.jpg

    • Katherine

      LOVE the detailing on your sleeves. Congratulations!

      • Gaby

        Thank you!

    • PrettyUglyCrier

      Congratulations!!

    • CP2011

      Love those sleeves!!!

    • Emily C

      Beautiful!! We got married October 8th and went on a quick minimoon to the mountains the next day but since we had a brunch reception, we got to go out on the town with our friends the night of the wedding. The whole day was wonderful!! Enjoy your honeymoon!!

    • Your dress is gorgeous! and your bridesmaids dresses- it all looks so dreamy! I also collapsed after our wedding- had no idea how exhausted I even was. It’s good that you’ll be a bit more rested before your honeymoon. Have a wonderful trip!

    • Bethany

      We got married October 14th :) We were on our honeymoon last week and today is my first day back at work. It’s a struggle. I FEEL YOU on your body giving in to exhaustion. I thought I had suddenly come down with the flu on Saturday (Happy Honeymoon!) but I think it was just exhaustion mixed with a severe allergy attack since I was mostly better the next day. Enjoy your honeymoon and lack of to-do lists!

  • Arie

    We got married! And went on a honeymoon! It would not have been the day that it was without this website and this community so THANK YOU. It was funny, all the decisions that I was most vulnerable/stressed about were the ones people loved the best. In particular, several people told us that the ceremony was the most authentic they’ve ever heard, and it would not have been like that without all the excellent examples I found here! You guys really had my back and helped me feel like I could make the decisions I needed to make. Honestly, I was so far away from the “this will be the best day of my life” train that I thought I’d just feel relieved to have it done with. And I am so relieved! But it was, actually, one of the best days of my life. Go figure!

    • AGCourtney

      Congratulations!

    • Gaby

      Congratulations! I also feel like APW was so helpful that I’m kinda tempted to go back and count how many different articles I used as reference throughout the planning process.

      • Arie

        Totally. I had my few “security blanket” articles that I’d go back to again and again. Specifically the “your wedding is not an imposition” one, and the one where everyone wrote their vows in the comments. Both of those in particular helped ground me when people were being nuts or I felt like we were losing sight of the purpose of the thing.

        • Gaby

          I copied a bunch of the vows from the comments one into a word document and then started whittling it down until I had the essence of what I wanted to say. That definitely was the most helpful post for me. My security blanket was the “how to have a FUN wedding” because it kept reminding me that at the end of the day things could go wrong and it would still be a fun day, and it was!

    • Katherine

      Congrats!!

  • MrsRalphWaldo

    I logged into theknot today to get a coupon for dress preservation only to read “Newlyweds for 12 days” in the countdown section. I can’t believe we’ve been married for 12 days! Some of you may remember my ask APW post about my SIL’s ultimatum, and she decided not to come to the wedding. There was a TON of drama the day before and the morning of the wedding, but as soon as I started walking down the aisle it was all swept away. We had the most perfect night filled with our truly supportive friends and family, ate s’mores, danced, laughed, and ended the night married. While we had to move our honeymoon at the last minute (thanks Matthew) we had a truly amazing week together.

    • raccooncity

      Happy to hear you had such a wonderful day and week!

  • MC

    CONGRATS, Maddie!

    On the topic of babies, my life is about to be full of babies. One of my local friends just had a baby last week, my BFF is being induced tonight, my cousin is due any day now, my SIL is due next month, and another local friend is due next month! A group of us visited local friend with new baby yesterday and I got to hold a 6-day old baby which did not make me as anxious as I expected it to! Also, any tips for being a long-distance auntie/supportive lady? My BFF is likely to have a tough labor & delivery & I want to do everything I can to support her from afar.

    • accidental_diva

      Send them dinner! Not a gift card but call the pizza/chineese/thai/burger/whatever delivers and have them deliver them a dinner or two (we did a catering order of Chicken Parm & Ziti to my cousin when they had their oldest – said it ended up being 3 dinners for the two of them and 2 lunches for him when he was back at work – and it froze well!)

      • MC

        Oh that’s a great idea! I was planning on sending them chocolate-covered strawberries next week as a little long-distance celebration, but I hadn’t gotten far enough to think about meal-type foods.

        • Jessica

          Someone sent me an edible flowers arrangement, and it was AWESOME. Healthy snacks (fruit) on a stick for optimal one-handed eating? perfect for those early postpartum days! :)
          Also very much appreciated: pajamas, with a top that has buttons down the middle. I got a pair that I wore in the hospital, and it was so nice to have something new and comfy to wear, but still gave easy access for breastfeeding and stomach checks. Plus, I go through pajamas super fast now because my kiddo dribbles milk a lot when he is sleepy and nursing, so my PJs get covered in milk and I have to wash them a lot more frequently.
          Epsom salts are also a nice gift for mom.

        • accidental_diva

          Also if you know of their favorite restaurant near them check if waiter on the way will deliver to them – maybe text their SO the day before you’re going to do it so that they know food is coming

        • Amanda

          Send them beer too if you can swing it. And coffee!

      • rg223

        I would have freaking LOVED THIS if someone did this for me post-partum.

      • JSK

        YES. Food was so so welcome in our first few weeks. Pasta is a great idea since it reheats well, but we had friends swing by with all types of food (bbq, thai, pizza, etc).

        Word of advice: Don’t ask what they want, just get something you know they’ve previously eaten. I was so disoriented and tired the first few weeks that I had total decision paralysis about anything non-baby related. I was so grateful when people would say “I’m bringing you guys at .”

        Our good friends sent us chocolate covered strawberries and cookies when we had to drop the baby at daycare the first time. It was SO thoughtful.

    • emilyg25

      Food you don’t have to cook is the very best gift for new parents. I also like to give Earth Mama Angel Baby Nipple Balm (if she’s planning to nurse) and Bottom Spray (if it’s a vaginal birth) because those were my lifesavers in the early days. But maybe that’s a little weird if you haven’t btdt.

      • Amanda

        It might only be weird until they tried them and we’re amazed. Love EAMB.

    • Amanda

      Setting up a thing with Meal Train or similar websites would be a great way to help out long distance. It’s a website where friends and family can sign up to bring food by. Even if you can’t be there in person, being the facilitator for meals/checkins would be a big help.

  • PrettyUglyCrier

    We did it! We got married last Friday! Our (courthouse) ceremony was sweet, the photographer we had to book last minute when ours broke his hand eleven days out did his job beautifully and it didn’t rain nor did I cry – at all! Also, the food was incredible, and the photo booth was a hit :)
    As I write, I have a cake in the oven that I’ll hope will become a yearly tradition for our anniversary, and we’re looking into hotels for our postponed honeymoon in December. We’re having a very nice start to this marriage thing and we can’t wait to spend the rest of our lives together. Happy weekend, everyone! https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/bb7d0c0ecbb0c805c67792ceaaaf136d73a18f000ec0b07b38b7f1869fbae2d1.jpg https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ecc9bc0285c609a28b3402c965f0015752a075d2fcb8c7cd9bc16403157d7b39.jpg

    • Katherine

      Congratulations!

      • PrettyUglyCrier

        Thank you!

    • emilyofnewmoon

      Congratulations! And LUV your cape!

      • PrettyUglyCrier

        Thank you! It’s one of the accessories I was looking forward to the most, and it was perfect!

      • “I Don’t Knowww, Margo!”

        YES! I gasped when I saw the color. You look amazing!

        • PrettyUglyCrier

          Thank you!! :)

    • Emily C

      Your dress is so beautiful! Hooray! I love the anniversary cake idea :) I may have to steal it even though my husband doesn’t like sweet! We had a lemon & vanilla cake with honey cream cheese icing that was amazing and I’m already planning to recreate it.

      • PrettyUglyCrier

        Thank you!! You could always try something else instead of cake, of course, but that combination sounds sooo amazing! I’m by no means good at baking so I went with something simple, hazelnut and dark chocolate – which we also chose for one of the tiers of our wedding cake, but it just doesn’t compare. Still, cake! :D

  • rg223

    Ahhh I was finally able to get on here – anyone else having Disqus issues?

    Soooo I’m heading to Savannah tomorrow for my friend’s anniversary party – sans husband and baby. When I made this plan 6 months ago, I thought I would be so pumped to have a weekend on my own… but it’s breaking my heart a little. I’ve never spent more than 10 hours away from my son, so three days without him seems like so. long. But my husband is going to enjoy the time with him, and I am looking forward to having a fancy drink in a new city.

    Does anyone have Savannah suggestions?! I’m sure my friends will have some ideas, but they are not the same brand of nerd I am – I love historic houses, quaint shops, cemeteries (I realize this is all VERY Savannah). I am considering going on a Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil tour, but I heard Bonaventure Cemetery has been closed due to hurricane damage. Any other good tours? What’s the best historic house? Should I visit Juliette Gordon Low’s house? I am staying in the Historic District, if that helps. Any ideas are much appreciated!!

    • Amy March

      Yes visit Juliette Gordon Low’s house if you have time! It is lovely.

      • rg223

        Thanks! If Amy March says it’s worth it, it pretty much has to be :)

    • Sara

      I read on the AV Club that the internet had a pretty huge blackout, maybe that’s tied to the Disqus issues?
      http://www.avclub.com/article/heres-why-half-internet-went-down-today-244611

      • rg223

        Thanks, yeah I was hearing rumbles about that – I just didn’t connect it to Disqus being weird!

      • JSK

        I saw Disqus specifically mentioned on a gizmodo article earlier, so I think so.

    • MC

      Disqus wasn’t loading for me for over an hour – must be related to the other wonky internet issues.

    • Likeabell

      If you like creepy/pretty things, definitely check out The Paris Market on Broughton St! It’s like a slightly Gothic, Southern, indie version of Anthropologie. Jewelry, food, paper & stuff upstairs; housewares in the basement. When I was visiting last year in Oct., they had a pretty awesome Frankenstein-themed window tableau/display.

      Ghost tours (there are a ton, but we did Blue Orb) are pretty cool if you can get into it and suspend your disbelief for the sake of the scare factor. The one we did was about half historical, half insane tall tale, and you get to ramble around the historic district after dark (with drink in hand if you so choose…open container is allowed throughout downtown). :)

      And yes to the Juliet Gordon Low House! *GS fistbumps*

      I don’t know that it’s worth a trip all by itself, but if you’re a tea/coffee lover, we stayed near this place last year and it was delicious:
      https://www.yelp.com/biz_photos/mat%C3%A9-factor-savannah-4

      And finally, this was my (fun, satisfyingly trashy, Savannah-related) travel reading, if you have need of any:
      https://www.amazon.com/Line-Witching-Savannah-Book-ebook/dp/B00CIDTH2E/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1477087861&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Line+%28Witching+Savannah+Book+1%29++J.D.+Horn

      Good luck w. your first trip away from your son! Hope you both have a great weekend and a happy return. :)

    • Emily C

      I always recommend one of the trolley tours because you see so much and can hop on/off throughout the day if you want. The shrimp & grits at Vic’s on the River is soooo good! I make a point of going there everytime I visit Savannah.

    • Sarah McClelland

      Go by The Distillery and have a fried moon pie. As amazing as it sounds.

  • ThatsWhatEESaid

    MADDIE – CONGRATULATIONS! I hope that you’re able to keep us posted on your pregnancy. So exciting!

    Also, it’s amazing that you have a mostly female staff that is able to understand and support you during this special time!

  • JC

    As the best present ever, my boyfriend and I went to see Amy Schumer last night!! I was insanely excited all week, and she did not disappoint. I also skipped the debate on Wednesday to go to my first art class in five years, and it was delightful. So all in all, this week has been filled with a lot more lightness and joy than…the rest of the year combined?

  • emilyofnewmoon

    My fiance put our engagement on Facebook so now internet cookies or something can tell I’m engaged and I am getting the most offensive ads on every platform! No, I do not want a “wifey” tshirt or a “mrs. _____” mug. It is already bumming me out how much useless *stuff* and waste there is around engagements/weddings and I haven’t even set a date…
    On the plus side, my mom has ants in her pants so she has been calling around to a lot of venues/etc. to price stuff and get availability. I love that she is getting involved in a way that is pretty low stress for me and really helpful.

    • AGCourtney

      asdfjkl; the Facebook ad change. It’s revolting, isn’t it?

      Ooh, that is very helpful involvement. Hope that bodes well for things to come!

      • emilyofnewmoon

        It’s like, yes, I knew I would get ads but is it too much to hope for “here is a nice dress, some white shoes” instead of “here’s a thong that says ‘I said Yes!’ on the waistband”?

        I am optimistic. My mom is great but deeply introverted so I am willing to let her take whatever role she likes. I’m glad she seems excited AND doesn’t mind taking some work off my plate. We’ll see!

    • louise danger

      /ants-in-pants-mom-solidarity-high-five

    • Her Lindsayship

      Hope you don’t browse Pinterest too much D: I find that’s the worst when it comes to body-shaming/generally anxiety-producing promoted material. ‘How to get rid of arm fat before the wedding!’ ’10 things every bride MUST DO the day of her wedding!’ ‘Most brides forget to do these 5 things!’

      But congrats! It helps to have a sense of humor about the ridiculous ads and “wifey” stuff avalanche. And it DEF helps to have a partner in venue research, go mom! Best of luck and hope there are many joyous moments to balance out the weird ones!

    • CommaChick

      Facebook ad trick: Search “sloth shower curtains” and click on a bunch of the links. I don’t know why, but Facebook seems to weight sloth shower curtains over anything else. I stumbled upon this accidentally after my engagement, and all of my ads were for sloth shower curtains for the next several months. Now, everyone in my friends circle does it, and we only get ads for shower curtains with sloths on them. As a side note, how are there so many expensive shower curtains with sloth pictures on them?

  • toomanybooks

    Omg Maddie!!! Congratulations!

  • Sarah Porter

    Big week for me! After about a year of preparation, I gave my two weeks notice at the job I’ve held for six years. What’s next? Full time running of my own business! (Wedding Photography). It was a terrifying prospect to juggle all the things that come with both my husband and me being self employed, but when the day finally came to give notice, I felt totally at peace. Also, we closed on our construction loan so we can continue building our house! I’m hoping nothing crazy happens next week, because I’m hoping to super chill out for a while.

  • Kat

    A lovely friend of mine has started a blog that is near and dear to my heart. It’s called Babes Who Hustle and every week she interviews ladies in different careers and with various opinions and beliefs and it’s just fab. So I’m here to preach the *support-ladies-who-support-other-ladies* gospel and ask you all to check it out and maybe give her a follow on FB if you feel so inclined. <3 http://babeswhohustle.com/

  • Emily C

    We got married October 8th and it was the best day ever!! I totally wasn’t expecting to be so relaxed and calm, but it was wonderful! We got married at 11, had a delicious brunch reception and then got to go out and celebrate with our friends and had such a good time that evening (after a nap of course…hooray!)! I was so #blessed that a couple friends travelled internationally just to be there and I got to spend extra time with them before the wedding, which was so important to me! My former roommate is a florist and did our flowers and I was blown away by them! Like I knew she was good, but I was stunned! And our ceremony was so sweet — I am surprised I didn’t cry more!

    I am so thankful to APW for all the help and advice along the way and especially this community of lovely people! I didn’t interact much until recently, but I am so glad I got to read all of your advice and thoughts on weddings because it helped me figure stuff out! But it feels weird to not be planning a wedding! Like, what do I do now? Only sort of kidding…

    And because I have to share, here are a couple pics :) The first one is a sneak peak from our photographer, Krista Turner, who is amazing!

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2bac468f3d46dd748d255e6cff413d925e2ba34ebdcb5be4bd7ccae13299312e.jpg https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2db87ce714a0ffb139f8862411a790a32e1320e58997ca6734f0028f2273100d.jpg https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/90ecce7e7768dbb9df6ff8e176326b1c82eb1da0c5472b9d3a625e2f02061fbe.jpg

    • Kat

      I’m getting all kinds of heart-eyes over your bouquet and that VEIL! I love a good swiss dot. Congrats!!!

      • Emily C

        Thank you!! I am all about polka dots and since the swiss dot dress I wanted didn’t come in my size, I knew I had to incorporate it some other way :)

    • AGCourtney

      Lovely!!! Everything looks just gorgeous: you, the dress, the veil, those *flowers*. Congratulations, that sounds like such a special day. <3

      I know what you mean about post-wedding "Now what?" It's been such an intensive project, and now it's…done? I was relieved, but it did feel weird. I found a smaller project to work on to wean myself off, haha.

      • Emily C

        Thank you!! That’s so sweet! I have some things I want to do around the house (and some we need to do lol), but I’m also wary of jumping into anything big just yet. Small projects sound good and lots of reading! And cozying up with the two kitties we adopted during our honeymoon!

    • PrettyUglyCrier

      Congratulations!! Love how happy the two of you look on that picture!!

    • Gaby

      Holy wow, yes, those flowers are gorgeous! And you two! You both look so happy, congratulations.

      • Emily C

        Thank you!! It is crazy how happy we look — I mean, I know we were happy on our wedding day, but those are some big smiles! And for posteritys sake and because she rocks, the link to our florist: http://www.thicketfloraldesign.com I’m so lucky we worked with so many kickass ladies to make our wedding happen!

    • Arie

      You look so happy, congratulations! As another October 8 bride….I’m not still planning the wedding, but I have lots of positive vendor reviews & thank you notes to write, and lots of new kitchen stuff to clean and put away….so it almost feels like there’s still wedding tasks! I think I’m 1 or 2 weekends away from really feeling like it’s done-done, you know?

      • Emily C

        Congratulations!! October weddings for the win! We had gorgeous weather here in Atlata and I hope your day was just as beautiful & fun! And definitely with you on the reviews and thank you cards…I kind of want to wait and send out thank you cards just before the holidays do that we can hopefully incorporate a photo from the wedding into the card. Plus it helps reinforce that I want to be the kind of person who sends holiday cards haha. I started one of the reviews already and for the most part they are all positive! I am trying to give myself some space though because there was some last minute stress due to the caterer the week of the wedding and I want to make sure that I’m not too emotional over it and can right a fair review when right now thinking about it, I still want to rip them to shreds lol. Even though the day of they were wonderful! But for how much money we paid them, I didn’t expect the treatment I received the week before the wedding! I am so excited about all the new kitchen stuff and especially the bar ware!

    • Nikki

      Congratulations!! You look stunning (that makeup! flawless!) and those flowers are GORG!

      • Emily C

        Thank you!! I loooooove makeup/skincare/watching tutorials so I did it myself. Though it probs would have been cheaper to hire someone since I spent a little too much at Sephora for “research purposes” ;)

        • Jess

          Side note: I LOVE your lipstick shade!

    • “I Don’t Knowww, Margo!”

      I love everything about this!! Those flowers! Your dress!!!!! Congratulations!!

      • Emily C

        Thank you!!

    • suchbrightlights

      Congratulations! You look absolutely overjoyed. I wish you and your new husband many years of that joy!

      • Emily C

        Thank you so much! :)

    • Dri

      You look SO HAPPY. All the pretty details of a wedding are cool to see, but it makes my heart swell when I see grooms and/or brides who are so happy their whole face is lit up from inside. =) Also, congrats!!

    • Bethany

      We got married Oct 14 and used the same etsy vendor for our cake topper! LOVE IT. You both look so happy, congrats!

      • Emily C

        Awww thank you! Congratulations to you too! Those cake toppers are too cute!

  • Having a bit of a struggle week. I’ve reached the point in pregnancy (31 weeks this week) where HOLY SHIT THIS IS REAL AND I AM SO TIRED.

    And then I couldn’t sleep last night, and while it’s sort of funny when the kid has the hiccups during the day, it’s annoying as fuck when the kid is hiccuping on your bladder at 3am. I am officially a zombie and I want a nap, but I have to power through tons of work today for a deadline (ugggh, I hate being my own boss sometimes) and get shit done tomorrow too. Maternity photos tomorrow AM and I have approximately no clue what to wear, but since I only have like 6 things that fit, it’ll be pretty easy to throw something on. :D

    Side note: I’m not okay with the auto-playing ads playing sound on APW, especially since it took me a few minutes to find the ad (top right, above the “must reads”) and silence it. I don’t care about ads, but I don’t want auto-playing videos on any website.

    • On the plus side, besides the terrifying pregnancy dreams sending me into a panic this morning, we’ve got walls and electrical work done in the baby’s room, and we’re set to start working on skim coating the drywall next week. Then paint, and furniture, which will clear out my office.

      Nothing like pushing it down to the wire.

    • raccooncity

      I feel you, lady. I’m 34 weeks right now and have been put on a semi-bedrest regime which is somehow more annoying that full bedrest because I’m constantly like “maybe i can do this….” but then afterwards I’m like “nope, worst idea ever” as I sit in bed with very uncomfortable contractions.

      Plus there’s no official note for my workplace or anything (luckily I work casually) so I just kind of…try not to get asked to do anything. I have a good, ranty cry about hating having a little tenant in there about once a week now and I can see it ramping up in the final weeks. Yuck.

      • Hang in there, mama! Is your bed rest the “you should take it easy” kind? I was told to “take it really easy and not lift anything heavy” for a couple weeks in the first trimester, and I had a hard time with that. Like, what’s heavy? I am not good at taking it easy, and there have been a couple times lately where my body reminds me that I need more rest than I did before….like when I tried to dash up 3 flights of stairs this week. :(

    • I feel you! I’m 30wks and this week a fibroid I didn’t even know I had decided to cause me all types of problems! I’m tired and now the only position that’s comfortable is sleeping sitting up on the couch :-(

      • Ugh! I hope that gets better soon. I really don’t like sleeping sitting upright, although I’ve dozed a couple times in the new-to-us glider, which I guess is good for those future 2am feedings?

    • emilyg25

      Do you have a pregnancy pillow? I thought it was dumb at first, but I loved my Snoogle so much I almost married it. Do not miss 5-point turns just to roll over in bed.

      • Oooh, just saw this. I borrowed a Snoogle from a friend, and I HATED it. Haha, I have a really nice regular pillow, and while my body was happy with the Snoogle, my neck was sore. I grabbed a couple pillows off our guest bed, and they’re good. I might try to find a really firm body pillow this weekend. [Being short probably influenced my dislike of the Snoogle….it’s too much pillow for this shortie.]

  • Olive

    In today’s adventures of “Quick! Get me out of grad school!” I missed a loosely defined deadline (last week he said he wanted it this week) for an introduction to a manuscript I’ve been working on all week. When my advisor asked how it was going, I told him I was still working on it. He then questioned how much I’m working on it and told me “I know you like to see your husband, and I like to see my wife, but sometimes you just need to get stuff done.”

    Wow, guys. So much motivation now. Not. Yes, I do like to see my husband. I didn’t miss the deadline because I like to see my husband. I missed the deadline because this project sucks, he’s a terrible manager, I have GAD and mild depression, and they affect my daily life. I hope that the next manager I have has a little more respect for her/his employees and is able to not make them hate her/him like most people in my lab do our advisor.

    My friend commiserated with me over text message, I finally got my face to not be blotchy and puffy from crying at my desk (no one noticed! yay!), and I’m trying my hardest to focus and get some more work done before I go home, but I just needed to vent. Throw your girl power my way, mine is feeling pretty weak right now.

    • JC

      I’m so, so sorry. My Master’s advisor said similar, very hurtful things during a heated moment in thesis drafting, and it was so demeaning. I had to remember that another advisor had told my friend (who was a year ahead of me) that her marriage (not husband, but marriage) was important and deserved attention and protection. So that’s what I’m telling you. You’ll get through it, I promise.

      • Olive

        I appreciate that so much, thank you for sharing.

    • AGCourtney

      What in the actual…wow. That’s awful, and I’m so sorry.

    • AcademicBlues

      Oof yeah, I have been told by my academic-world boss that sometimes you just have to work nights and weekends to get publications out. Given the fragile state of my life and stress level right now, that would just not be a sustainable move for me. So, how about you tell me what to take off my plate in order to get this done during daylight hours?

      • Olive

        exaaactly. To a certain extent, I get it. When there have been big exams or something I’ve hunkered down and stayed up late or worked all weekend, but after I passed my comps I stopped doing that because it made me feel like shit and I’d like to actually enjoy my 20’s.

        • AcademicBlues

          Right. And I’m done with graduate school. I’m just an employee in an academic institution now where the culture assumes you’re gonna keep doing that your entire life.

          • Olive

            Ugh. Why is it so broken? I hate it.

    • Amanda

      I think the book Thrive by Arianna Huffington has a good argument for valuing sleep and relationship time.

      • Olive

        Thanks for the recommendation! I’ll check it out.

    • saywhatnow

      Your advisor is a condescending douche. I’m sorry.

      Any more comments like that, and a chat with the DGS may be in order. I know you have better things to do (like the diss). But that behavior is not okay.

      • Olive

        Thanks. He’s ok sometimes, and I joined a field/department where overworking is prized, but yea, he’s a jerk. I’ve been told he used to be worse, and older students try to make you feel lucky about that. HA! After the last time he did/said something that upset me, I tried to think of how to tell him “Hey, I don’t appreciate when you do that” without damaging our already meh relationship, but put half of the blame on myself (it was legit) and moved on with my life. At this point, I’m sick of being upset by him and I respect myself too much to continually be upset by him. We’ve never really clicked, so when personal problems have come up and affected my work over the past two years I just put my head down and tried to get through it, which was probably a terrible decision but one I have to live with. I wish I could join another research group at this point, but I’m too far into my program for that. Or just quit my program, but I won’t let myself do that no matter how much I want to.

        I’m busting my butt this weekend to finish the thing so I don’t get any more sass this week, and hopefully I have enough energy and self respect to come up with something to say to him that makes it clear that he doesn’t know my life and should just shut up about it. I’m trying not to dwell too much…but thanks for reminding me he’s a douche.

      • Olive

        I think I’m struggling more with having lost all passion/motivation for what I’m studying. I’ve heard this is common among PhD students and it gets better after graduation. Fingers crossed!

  • raccooncity

    Hello!

    Congrats Maddie on your impending baby!

    This week, I graduated from my masters degree. Lots of people said congratulations to me and I feel that they meant on my baby but I pretended that ALL the congrats were for my degree. I know everyone is different, but for me, even with all the discomfort, making a baby has been WAAAAAY easier than making a degree. No congrats necessary for having sex and eating a bunch for 40 weeks. (Parenting, on the other hand, I hope is not a thankless job. It’s not thankless, right guys!?!?)

    Kit is still breech, and Kit is pretty small according to their latest growth scan. But small in a cute way, not in a concerning way at this point. Also my uterus is AMPED about getting baby out and has been described as ‘irritable’…which means that at least my uterus takes after me even if Kit doesn’t. So I’ve been keeping it relaxed, doing a lot of baking and playing silly computer games. It’s been pretty nice actually, aside from the constant contracting. T-40 days until Kit’s estimated arrival date!

    • gonzalesbeach

      congrats on graduation!

    • JC

      CONGRATS ON YOUR MASTER’S!

    • Olive

      Congratulations on your degree!!!

    • MC

      CONGRATS on your master’s degree!! That is a major accomplishment!

    • KPM

      Is Kit the name before officially announcing the name? Either way, super cute!

      • raccooncity

        Kit is a baby raccoon – so i thought it was fitting with my username. Also ended up being our nickname for the baby before it’s born.

    • AGCourtney

      Congratulations on your master’s! That’s awesome. <3

    • Sosuli

      Congratulations Raccooncity Master (I know that’s not what you get called after a masters but I kind of wish it was). I know what you mean kind of about the congrats, I kept getting congratulated for getting married and just kept pretending it was for my PhD. It’s just easier for a lot of people to relate to big things like weddings and babies than to degrees… but we know how much work we put in!!

    • Her Lindsayship

      Congrats on the Master’s!!! Big week! Hope you’re celebrating this weekend and just giving yourself some serious props.

    • emilyg25

      I bet your uterus is trying the turn your baby! My guy was positioned poorly (head down but facing the side) and I had tons of prodromal labor in the weeks before I gave birth. And congrats on your degree!

    • “I Don’t Knowww, Margo!”

      Congratulations on your Master’s! That is a HUGE accomplishment!!

  • nosio

    Eeeeee! Congrats, Maddie!

    As of today, my fella and I are 1 year out from our wedding. I’m excited! And stressed. Having a long engagement was the worst idea ever, IMO (it leaves way too much room for other people to butt in with their unwanted opinions, and also too much time for us to waffle about pulling the trigger on the bigger items, etc) but we’ve needed (and still need) all this time to save money. But I am glad that the end is sort of in sight!

    • JC

      Ohhhh, I had considered too much time for us to waffle, but I had not considered too much time for other people to have to mind their own business. This is an interesting insight, thank you.

    • Ashlah

      We had a 20-month engagement, and while there are definitely some upsides to it, I’d definitely go shorter if we had a do-over. Congrats on hitting the one year mark!

  • E.

    I got my dress! I posted a few weeks ago about finding a dress online that was being discontinued and if I should order it to try on even though it was way before I was planning on dress shopping. Well, I ordered the try on, loved it, and bought it Monday!

    This is the dress: http://www.celia-grace.com/shop/eileen

  • Sosuli

    Oh man. Rough week for my friends – one broke up with her partner… and another is going through something so awful I can’t even… express in words… as in ongoing police investigation stuff. Neither want to talk about it and I’m trying my best to be available somehow without pressuring them to open up. Any advice for ways to support friends without making them feel pressured? I’m just trying to make them know I am here for them… but I wish I could do more.

    • Arie

      Feed them! This is my answer to almost everything, though. Sorry to hear they are struggling.

    • G.

      Food is good. Sometimes when I’ve been going through rough times, I’ve wanted time to dissociate — so please chatter on about whatever various things are happening in your life so I don’t have to think about mine or please let me organize your closet because that is a comforting thing to do or the like. This is *very* individual, but I’d extend an offer just to chill or go on a hike or bake brownies or clean their apartment for them. There are 3 key parts: 1) the offer needs to be specific (don’t make someone in the throes of crappiness make decisions); 2) be clear that it’s on the table but you’re fine with whatever their answer is; and 3) let them know you’re available to listen but can also be the cruise director/talker if that’s more helpful.

    • A text/email to say you’re thinking of them is something I always appreciate. And I tend to agree with the food ideas…taking them food, inviting them for dinner/lunch, etc.

    • Olive

      I like to send people mail or treats :)

    • Jess

      If I’m far away, I generally send simple notes/texts. Pictures of cool leaves or food I made or a story something that reminded me of that one time we spent an entire day in a tea shop…

      Not like inspirational stuff or necessarily trying to make her laugh, just a “hey, this made me think of you” thing.

      If I’m close, I’ll just keep inviting them to stuff – usually more active than usual so they don’t feel like they have to talk if they don’t want to. In the States, that’s usually like pool or bowling or mini golf or even just going to see a movie.

      Sending thoughts to you and your friends.

  • Rachel

    YES TO NAPS. In fact, I’m going to go take one right now. Also heading into my second trimester (tomorrow!) Congratulations!

  • Bsquillo

    AAAAAHHHHH Maddie, congrats!!!! I did a little happy scream at my desk when I saw the news.

    In other great news, my husband finished the actual writing and formatting of his dissertation today, and sent the full document off to his committee. He’s got his defense on Nov. 4, and if everything goes well, he’ll officially be Dr.! He’s already perking up and looks much more relaxed, and is headed off tonight to cash in a massage gift certificate I gave him a while back :)

  • carolynprobably

    Congrats Maddie! What a wonderful journey your heading on. And, if I might say, April babies are spectacular. <3

  • Amanda

    I did pelvic physical therapy, and after a month of doing the exercises I’m not peeing so much when I run or sneeze!

    I had a chunky little baby come out of my vagina 18 months ago and I was still leaking when I ran even though I was doing kegels. Turns out I have a hard time RELAXING my pelvic floor muscles, so it was good that I went to a pelvic pt and got it checked out.

    If you’re peeing when you sneeze or cough or run or jump, tell your doctor! It was even covered by my insurance.

  • Congrats Maddie! Great news :) My husband and I recently took the plunge and have started trying to conceive. That in itself is a bit of a trip. The best bit so far has actually been coming off the Pill. GUYS I HAVE A LIBIDO. I forgot I actually had one, and I didn’t realise the reason I’d been feeling so ambivalent about sex for so long was actually not because there’s a problem with me, but rather that I’d been changing my hormones for so long. It is a huge relief, and has actually made me worry so much less. I feel so much better about myself, it’s crazy!

    • “I Don’t Knowww, Margo!”

      That’s awesome! We’re wondering when exactly we’re going to start trying, and it’s a little eye-poppingly overwhelming! Good luck to you!!

      I had the same experience about 10 years ago when I first when on the pill while simultaneously dating someone who was not quite right for me- I still don’t know if our problems were the hormones or him. I quit both of them and have never looked back!

    • Ashlah

      How exciting! I haven’t been off the Pill for a full month yet, so I’m trying not to attribute any changes to that yet…but I do feel like it’s made a difference in my mood! I’ve either coincidentally had good couple weeks, or I’m never going back on the Pill. Good luck!

  • suchbrightlights

    1. Maddie, that is a faaaaabulous dress.

    2. In 365 days I’m going to be a married person. We sorted out the big four things already: who we are marrying (sort of important,) who is marrying us, where it’s happening, and when it’s happening. And then, having sorted all that out, we put planning firmly on the backburner, because also we just bought a house. But now that we’re at the one year mark, I think we can start looking at the other parts of this shindig.

    3. Guys, I am overwhelmed. I am not a big white cupcake dress person. I think I am a long sleeved lace top and rockin’ maxi skirt in a fun color person. The bridal separates available don’t seem to do long sleeved lace tops (though there’s one at Lace and Liberty I like.) Long sleeved lace shirts are a thing, but half the ones I see are $17.99 and indubitably made in China. Where does one go for this sort of thing?

    • Call Me Penny

      I bought my dress from a designer called Catherine Deane. She has a standalone line as well as designing for Bhldn, and if I recall correctly she had a few long sleeved lace pieces in her studio when I was trying mine on. Not sure where you’re based but might be worth a look. I love how separates look, my top and bottom halves were too out of proportion to work on me but it sounds like what you have in mind will be beautiful!

      • suchbrightlights

        Thank you! I’ve looked at Catherine Deane’s site. She does beautiful work. Nothing available right now that suits what I’m looking for, but one to keep on the radar for sure. I appreciate the suggestion!

    • Danielle

      Have you looked on Etsy? One of my friends had her bridal outfit (which sounds kind of similar to what you want) custom made by a vendor on there, and she was really happy with it!

      I’m sure you can search in their clothing section, but LMK if you want the vendor name.

      • suchbrightlights

        I’d appreciate that if you have it. I’m a little nervous about the Etsy route and it would make me feel more comfortable to “know somebody who knows somebody” who had a good experience with a vendor.

        • Danielle

          https://www.etsy.com/shop/CathyTelle

          It looks pricier than I expected, but my friend’s outfit was gorgeous. At the very least it can give you some ideas?

          • suchbrightlights

            Thank you for sharing! Lovely work and the pricing for what I’ve skimmed through so far is in line with the materials. I’m struggling between frugality and the importance I put on paying a fair wage for work, but Chantilly lace doesn’t make itself, and the tailoring that goes into pieces like this is not easy. Especially from a theoretically maker-to-consumer site like Etsy it makes me feel better to see that an international purchase seems to be priced fairly for the work and materials involved. I appreciate the recommendation!

          • Danielle

            You’re welcome! And good luck :)

            Perhaps there are mid-priced options at some of the more mass-market stores (which would have the benefit of economies of scale). But that would involve some more sleuthing. Maybe at another HH, perhaps?

            I hope you find a beautiful dress that fits your style and budget!!

  • Sarah

    Ahhh I’m pregnant too! In the middle of week 9 right now. And holy shit being pregnant suuucks. I have every single symptom and I throw up most every day. It could also be super hard because I’m in my second year of law school, going full time, I’m a TA, and I work part time as a law clerk. Im white knuckling the first trimester. I threw up in between cross examination exercises the other day. I do feel like a major badass for dealing with it all though (and a very scary early episode of bleeding). Not to mention this was an oops baby. But luckily I’m due after exams are over next year, and we’re over the moon. Woohoo!

    • Amy March

      Congratulations!

    • Anon Preggo

      I am also about 9 weeks and it also sucks for me!! I am nauseous pretty much all day, every day – thankfully have not had to throw up much though. Yet.

      Everything is hard for me right now – standing up, showering, etc. Unfortunately I was laid off recently, but I’m almost happy about it before it gives me more time to sleep.

      It gets better! I hope?!

  • Congrats, Maddie! As soon as I saw the subtitle and byline, I suspected that’S what the post would reveal. Congrats!!!

  • Suz

    Congrats!! I’m also heading in to my second trimester and can second the crazy hormonal and body changes already taking place. While I’m ready for it to be over in a way, I also need all these months to adjust and prepare for such a big change! Bring it! :)

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  • lady brett

    well, shit. i miss happy hour one week and *you’re having a baby*! so, fucking congratulations.