As our wedding day approaches, I’m finding myself wanting to write about marriage more and more.* To muse on why we do this – why we put ourselves through shoe buying and guest lists and what kind of a dress we want. Because while all this stuff can be both fun and maddening, it’s not the point. This wedding planning is just a snippet of our lives, it’s a moment of transition between one phase and then next. We’re struggling to find our way out of our cocoon, exhilarated and terrified to unfold our new wings.
This snippet on marriage is from a Real Simple article (Febuary 2008) called Love Letters – two letters written by writers Cathi Hanauer and Daniel Jones, after fifteen years of marriage. It is such a honest portrait of what I hope married life will bring us, that I clipped this article and re-read it from time to time. So now, I’m sharing Cathi Hanauer’s words with you:
As Rickie Lee Jones put it in our wedding song, “If you fall, I’ll pick you up/ pick you up” – and so far you do. To me, that’s what married love is. I love you for continuing to love me despite my contradictions, for finding me endearing when others might find me impossible. And I love you for sharing my life vision, even if I am a little more restless while you’re happy to stay home and build a stone wall in the front garden, like you did last weekend. A pretty little wall to go with the patio you laid out back two summers ago. So there it is. The nice house, the nice life we’ve build together – these days full of kids and pets and books and sports and artwork and music, with just a little bitching now and then.
Here’s to the rest of it.
*Don’t worry, we’re still going to talk about weddings too, silly buttons.
(apologies for not linking to the whole article, which you all would love. It does not appear to be online.)