reclaiming wife
APW Happy Hour!

We’re here! Friday open thread. For me, this week lives in my mind in a string of pictures: taking the baby to his first wedding, my first Mother’s Day, and our first APW shoot in almost a year. (I’m not pregnant any more! I don’t have a teeny tiny baby! I can work a long intense day on location!) The week was a work full of business stuff, good and stressful, but it included a work day like this, so I consider myself lucky as hell:

Meg Keene

(That magic coming to the blog soon.)

How was your week? It’s your open thread! Hop on it!

xo

Meg

Highlights of APW this week

Being Black, Feminist, Throughly Girly, and Conflicted.” On sorting out symbols and why they matter during wedding planning.

My manafesta (as a commenter called it) on women and work. This is a big one.

It Stands Alone.” What a wedding can mean, even when the marriage is disolved. This re-framed weddings for me, and I write about them for a living.

Rachel on the modern reality of planning a wedding far from friends and family (movie montages be damned).

Photo taken by Natalie at belle-flower

Sponsored Post

Screen shot from a Minted video promoting their designers 

Minted is one of my favorite places to buy paper goods. There, I said it. I’m not currently in the market for wedding invitations (though luckily, lots of you are), but New Year’s cards are one of my important traditions, and I use Minted every single year. Their save the dates, invitations, cards, and baby announcements are impeccably curated (and lots of the save the dates and holiday cards let you use pictures, which I love). But they also happen to be a San Francisco company who’s very involved in the creative community here—and I like supporting local small businesses.

But with Minted, it goes a step further. All of Minted’s designs are created exclusively for Minted by their community of independent designers. Just like APW, Minted is a community that’s built around valuing independent artists. One of their team recently explained to me how their process works. Every time I buy a holiday card, or you buy a wedding invitation, an email is sent directly to the designer that created it, telling them a little about who you are, and letting them know that a (generous) portion of the profit of the sale will be added to their next check. This lets designers do work they love, without worrying about doing all the marketing and printing themselves. Beyond that, Minted’s prices are great. For invitations, they’ve recently expanded their offerings to include letterpress (high five!), but also offer you the options of their luxurious Signature Paper, 100% Recycled Matte Paper, Luxe Museum Board (triple the thickness of their Signature Paper), or gorgeous Pearlescent Paper.

Today, in true APW style, I’m thrilled to get to highlight two Minted designers. Maddie and I interviewed Laura Condouris and Trista Sydloski-Tesch, and we are delighted to share a little bit of their stories.

Photos clockwise from top right: Laura at work, Watercolor Frame Invitation, Mantilla Spanish Lace Invitation

During a reception, my favorite moment is dancing to old R& B or hip-hop, and, even better, watching the older family members dance.

My artistic philosophy is, in a word, honesty. Being yourself, being playful and not taking yourself too seriously, honing your individual style and not riding the coattails of others, or mindlessly following trends

As a calligrapher, I do most of my work at my dining room table, since it’s the only place where there’s enough space to spread out the dozens of envelopes that need to dry before they get stacked up together. Though I definitely feel more at peace and “together” when it’s not total chaos, there are often little half-finished bits and bobs piled everywhere at the end of the day.

I try to imagine a look or a color scheme a couple might be going for—something that’s a bit different than what’s already out there.  Once I get what might be a strong idea, I’ll start with a few sketches for the layout, and get out my pens or paintbrushes to work on something to scan or reproduce in Illustrator.

I think 20s/prohibition-era style is going to be huge this year after the release of the new film version of The Great Gatsby. So maybe I’ll do something art deco-inspired?

I really like my invitation Mantilla Spanish Lace, because I’m so into hand-drawn patterns. I wanted to do an invitation that incorporated lace, but that wasn’t too “girly” and was more modern. I was inspired by the beautiful edging on the mantilla veil that I wore in my own wedding.

I honestly think Minted customers have very good taste. Coming to Minted allows them to find and support an artist whose style fits their own.

I’m a full-time calligrapher and designer, but I’ve recently started doing stand-up comedy, which is incredibly nerve-racking.  Being totally dependent on the audience’s reaction is completely terrifying, but it’s also exhilarating when you get a big laugh!

 

 

Photos clockwise from top left: Trista at work, Ballard Nautical Invitation, Whimsical Kelp Invitation

My philosophy is to create beautiful and original work that’s inspired by the past, but modern in its sensibilities and is a bit edgy. I like to create things that are unexpected, a bit rock and roll, and a bit like, “I do it because I can.” I love flourishes, being dramatic, and telling a story with my work.

It’s usually over the top, involves things that are handcrafted and handmade, always has texture in some way, and has an edge. My thing as a designer is my work is definitely feminine but has a hardness to it.

I’m conflicted in aesthetics as a designer. Here are some examples of my varied interests: my favorite shows are Sons of Anarchy and Sailor Moon. I was a metal head in high school that also happened to be a varsity cheerleader. If I could look a certain way every day I would wear a full lace gown à la Jane Austen but be completely covered in tattoos like Kat Von D. I’m kind of obsessed with the idea of a beautiful but hardcore woman, and I think the duality of tough and soft, feminine and masculine shows in my design work. Continue reading Minted: Wedding Invitations by Independent Designers

* Lori, Special Ed Teacher & Raj, Doctor *

The cake was pink. Hand to God, I didn’t notice until the next morning at brunch when I asked someone when the cake turned pink. “It was always pink. We thought that must have meant something to you guys.” So I guess there’s an argument for having lots of personal touches at your wedding: if something goes wrong, people might think it was intentional.

Our wedding day turned out to be the coldest day of the year in Pensacola. I wish I could tell you I didn’t notice that, but to be quite honest, my internal monologue for the first minute of our wedding was, “Don’t shiver, don’t shiver, this is on video.” The temperature in December had, for the most part, been in the 70s. Right around the time people started coming into town, it got cold and rainy, though the sun did come out on our wedding day. So except for the winter coats during dinner, you can’t tell from the photos that it was below freezing.

Our programs only got handed out because as guests were arriving, my sister-in-law Dawn asked me if there were any, then went and passed them out herself. We left the sparklers for our exit at home. Of 150 people on our guest list, fewer than fifty came; some of the no replies really stung. And it was a lonely several months leading up to the wedding, living in a new place far from all of my friends while Raj did training there, doing most of the wedding stuff on my own. Plenty of times, particularly in the last few weeks, I wondered whether a wedding was really worth all of the work and stress.

I am here to tell you that, for us, it absolutely was. Every bit of it. Because of the people who did come.

Hands down, the best decision we made was to rent a huge beach house. We wanted a laid-back wedding, and our top priority was to be able to spend as much time as possible with our guests, who are scattered around the country and beyond. The house ate up a third of our budget, but served as our venue for the rehearsal dinner, wedding reception, and post-wedding brunch, as well as housing our families and most of the wedding party. It was the turn-around for our wedding morning 5K and the site of an epic game of Scattergories with fifteen of our closest friends. It gave us the gift of time with our loved ones outside the official events and the fun of watching them get to know one another. Continue reading Wedding Graduate: Lori & Raj’s Rented Beach House Wedding

Continue reading How To: Free Downloadable Customized Chocolate Bar Wrappers From A Printable Press

I was really inspired by the recent post about co-proposing. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for seven years and we’re planning on getting engaged this summer. But the longer we’re together, and the more we talk about it, the less I’m sure a “surprise” proposal is what feels right. But then again I’m worried I’ll regret not having that “experience.” At the very least, I’ve been considering getting him a gift too. Whether it’s a post-engagement gift or a token of a joint marriage proposal I’m not really sure. But I like the idea that we both have skin in the game, not just that I’m waiting for him to spend lots of money on me. After all, he’s a student and I have a salary, so why should he be the only one who has to dip into his savings to mark our intention to get married?

The problem is, I have no idea how much to spend. I know rules like three-month’s salary are outdated (and seem insane), but I feel like I need SOME kind of guideline. Should I spend what I think he’s spending, should I not let it go over a certain percentage of my savings? When you’re already considering spending more money on something than you’ve ever spent on one thing before, it’s hard to get perspective.

Also, I feel like any amount I spend will seem like too much to my friends and family (and me?), because while we’re conditioned to think it’s okay to blow tons of money on a diamond, I feel like I have less cultural backup to justify spending as much on a gift for him. And it’s hard to shake the idea that I should save my money for more practical things, like a house, or just other joint fun things like travel or the wedding itself.

I need some guidance!

Sincerely,

Concerned About Spending Highly

Dear CASH,

Money is personal. Rules and traditions and standards about that sort of thing are kind of silly, considering all of us have such vastly different financial backgrounds, income, and relationships to money. Right? I’m all for tradition. But tradition that mandates that I spend a certain amount can kiss my butt (and its accompanying empty pockets).

So, spend whatever you want. Don’t let that word “engagement” fool you; this is like buying any other sort of gift you’ve ever bought. Think about what he’d like and think about how much you could spend without skipping on rent or feeling like you might vomit. That’s it. I know weddings feel like they warp your sense of finance, but only because (I’m assuming) you don’t have much experience paying for dinner for two hundred people or for six hours of professional photography. It’s hard to know what those things are worth. But, you do know how to buy presents. And that old, “It’s the thought that counts,” sentiment was made for this situation. An engagement ring is worth more than any other sort of ring in meaning, sure, but doesn’t necessarily need to be worth more money.

That’s it for the “universal truth” portion of this week’s Ask Team Practical. Now, I’m just going to tell you what works for my marriage (and hopefully, the rest of you readers will jump in with your gift-budgeting methods). Continue reading Ask Team Practical: Engagement Ring Budget

On the rare occasion I tune into Say Yes to the Dress or Say Yes to the Dress: Bridesmaids, I find myself scratching my head. I know reality TV isn’t real, but there is a small detail on these shows that I actually find more odd than anything else: the pushy mothers-in-law and the picky bridesmaids. I’m confused by them—and not by their behavior, but their very presence. Every time I see one of these shows, I find myself thinking, “Who are these women who have all of their bridesmaids and their mothers in the same place at the same time?! And how do all their friends know each other so well!?!”

The Myth of the Montage

The idea that our friends and family will be with us through the planning process is an accepted part of the cultural narrative of weddings. In movies or on TV, you see brides surrounded by bridesmaids, mothers, and mothers-in-law at dress fittings, cake tastings, appointments with the florist, showers, and bachelorette parties. (The sort-of-but-actually-not-all-that-funny joke is that they are more involved than the groom.) For me, the traditional wedding exists mainly as a montage (one that typically includes really over-the-top hair). In reality, wedding planning unfolds across a longer time period, and, for many of us, across a much longer distance.

Eric and I live in Houston. My family is in Michigan and his family is in Kansas. We’re getting married in Austin. I have two bridesmaids in Chicago, one in DC, and a bridesman in LA. None of them know each other. While I wish we lived closer to all the people we care about, I know there’s no way to really make that happen and I’ve accepted it. And since I don’t buy wedding planning as THE HAPPIEST TIME OF YOUR LIFE™ I didn’t think being alone while wedding planning would be different than being alone any other time. But…it is different.

The Wedding Dress Selfie

When I started thinking about wedding dresses, I wasn’t sure if my grandma would make my dress, or if I’d buy something. At the very least, I wanted to get some ideas of what I liked and what looked good on me sooner rather than later, but I didn’t have anyone to go with me. My friend (and bridesmaid) Julia was going through the same thing on the East Coast. We shared our feelings of, “Um, should I be embarrassed about this?” over IM one day, and together made the decision that we should each just go alone.

My whole experience shopping for a dress was very business-like, particularly after I stopped fucking around in ball gowns and went to try on the one dress I was seriously considering buying. There were no tears or champagne or even much excitement; my whole reaction was just…”Yep.” As in, “Yep, that’s the dress I wanted to try on,” and, “Yep, I like it as much as I thought I would. Yep—it’s for me. Yep, that’s all I needed, I’ll be in touch when I’m ready to order.” I took a coworker I’m close to (his wife is a costume designer so he knows and appreciates fashion) and we had lunch afterward. It was a perfectly nice, “Yep, we just ran an errand and now I’m hungry for lunch,” but not the, “Eeee we just went and looked at wedding dresses!” kind of lunch I would have had if any of my bridal party or family members could have been there. I don’t mind shopping alone, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that this was the one time when you aren’t supposed to go shopping alone. Continue reading Rachel: Going the Distance