Stop Blaming Huma for Her Husband’s Epic Fail(s)


FFS

by Meg Keene, CEO & Editor-In-Chief

huma abedin at work

Yesterday morning, I woke up to the delightful Page One New York Times print headline, “Weiner’s Texts Cast a New Shadow Over Clinton Campaign.”

Of course the obvious response was, “HOW? HOW IS THAT? HOW COULD THAT POSSIBLY BE?”, which I screamed at my newspaper over breakfast. But beyond that, I found myself fuming, once again, about how we blame women for not only all of the things we perceive as personal failings (including but not limited to: working for a living, not raising perfect children, not always having perfectly smooth hair, etc.), but also for all of men’s personal failings. (Here: being literally unable to keep photos of your erection off the Internet for the course of a campaign.)

Weiner Had One Goddamn Job

For those of you not up on the details, TL;DR: Anthony Weiner, host of an unfortunate enough name that you would assume he would have spent his life studiously avoiding dick jokes, BUT NO SUCH LUCK, has now been outed in not one, not two, but THREE sexting scandals. One that took down his career as a congressman, one that took back his comeback campaign for mayor of New York (and provided us with the tell-way-too-much documentary Weiner), and a third that has now taken down his marriage to his ever-patient-with-his-mortifying-antics wife, Huma Abedin. All of this would be same old, same old: man in power who can’t seem to keep an appropriate leash on his sexuality. Except in this case, his wife is the more powerful of the duo. Huma Abedin is Hillary Clinton’s righthand woman and adviser, currently the vice-chairwoman on her presidential campaign, and we hope soon-to-be primary adviser to the president of the United States.

In short, Anthony, she’s busy. Too busy to divorce your ass right now just this second, because she’s got shit to do (don’t worry, though: she’ll get around to you when she has the time). Some of us, Anthony, have a whole country to save… while you apparently just have all the time in the world to be sexting pictures of your damn groin… this time with your son in your bed.

You’d think, of course, the only person to lay blame on in this situation would be Weiner himself. Particularly since Huma did everything women are “supposed” to do, citing religious beliefs as the reason she stayed to work on (and work on) her marriage. As for Weiner, he literally had one job between now and the election: keep his dick in his pants, and not take pictures of it. Or two, if you count the fact that according to Huma, he’s the stay-at-home dad that makes her work possible.

“Many working moms feel this way — there is a lot of guilt,” she said. “I don’t think I could do it if I didn’t have the full support system I have, if Anthony wasn’t willing to be, essentially, a full-time dad.”

So let’s make that: no more sexting, and help raise their son, ideally while not sexting anyone photos of any part of his body. (See how that all boils down to one really very simple directive?)

But no. NOOOOOOOOOO. According to the media this isn’t only Weiner’s fault. Apparently, somehow, Huma is to blame. And you know what? It’s hard to sort through all the things she’s to blame for. But let me present you this short, but by no means exhaustive, list.

A Short List Of Why It’s Really Huma’s Fault

She’s a bad mother for working, according to the Washington Post. (Notwithstanding the fact that somebody has to make a living, and Weiner can’t seem to hold down a job.)

And for the third time, his questionable decisions are ensnaring his wife, one of Hillary Clinton’s top aides, by raising questions about her decision to leave their son in a potentially dangerous situation.

Plus, Weiner’s inability to keep it in his pants “casts a shadow” on her… ethics? Or her ability to do her job? Or so hints the New York Times:

Mr. Weiner’s tawdry activities may have claimed his marriage — Ms. Abedin told him that she wanted to separate — and have cast another shadow on the adviser and confidante who has been by Mrs. Clinton’s side for the past two decades.

Add to that, Weiner (whom we must note is not in any way a Clinton staffer, but instead a stay-at-home dad for one of her staffers, and how we wish he didn’t have access to the Internet or photographic devices), is somehow causing Huma to cause spectacular drama inside the campaign, or so reports the LA Times:

The media attention erupting around Abedin right now, though, is not Breitbart’s making. It is the kind of spectacular staff drama the Clinton operation had been so good at avoiding during her presidential run over the last year and a half, the kind associated with previous campaigns of both Bill and Hillary Clinton.

And last not but not least, You-Know-Who is flat-out saying (because he never bothers to just “imply”) that somehow Huma has threatened national security, because she has a security clearance. As someone who grew up with a father with a high security clearance, I’d like to note that people assume men can manage to not share national secrets with their wives, but apparently this assumption does not work the other way around? To wit:

At a fundraiser in Massachusetts last August, You-Know-Who insisted that there was no chance that Abedin had not divulged classified information to Weiner since, he said, any woman who is “in love with” her husband would certainly do so.

All this makes me so angry I’m shaking. Not because I’m a Democrat (though I am one), or because of its political bent. It makes me livid because like many women, I live variations on this story every day of my life.

Yes, All Women

As a mother of two small children and a business owner—and, you know, as a human who has to shower and such—you’d think I’d rather clearly be at my limit on things that are actually my responsibility. But yet, society somehow manages to regularly hold me responsible for my husband’s actions as well… not to mention the very many tasks we should both be equally accountable for. Is his career progressing well? (My own career never seems particularly relevant to folks.) Is he dressed well? (Clearly I must buy him his clothing, so, on me.) Is he getting enough billable hours in at work? (If not, am I taking time off my own work to make that happen?) Are our children getting appropriate childcare and time with a loving parent? (Again, me.) Is our house clean? (Duh, me.) Is our social life well organized? (Who do you think?) Did everyone get a birthday card and a wedding gift? (Um, me.)

beyonce

Don’t Hurt Yourself

All of which led me to look up from the New York Times in a cold rage, fix my eyes on my innocent husband, and say, “If you think you could ever, ever, ever get away with this crap without feeling the full brunt of my fury, think twice.”

The media seems to think that this story of yet another smart, powerful woman being taken down a peg by her husband’s sexual exploits is going to somehow remind me… to not vote for women. Here’s some bullshit via the New York Times:

Mr. Weiner’s extramarital behavior also threatens to remind voters about the troubles in the Clintons’ own marriage over the decades, including Mrs. Clinton’s much-debated decision to remain with then-President Bill Clinton after revelations of his relationship with Monica Lewinsky. Ms. Abedin’s choice to separate from her husband evokes the debates that erupted over Mrs. Clinton’s handling of the Lewinsky affair, a scandal her campaign wants left in the past.

In fact, this coverage leaves me wanting nothing more than for Huma to finally leave her husband (on it), take her kid, and start a daycare center next to the Oval Office. I’ve already searched the Internet for “HRC Fanfic Leaving Bill,” but thus far, no hits.

Till I find that fanfic, excuse me while I watch Beyoncé burn it down, while meditating on killing her husband at the VMAs. Or, as Ann Friedman tweeted, “Stuck on a plane on the O’Hare runway & may never breathe fresh air again but it’s ok because Huma is free and can breathe for all womankind.” Breathe, Huma. Breathe and rise.

P.S. Men? Talk to your people. Get correct. Because my distinct sense is that the future is female, starting soon with Huma and Hillary.

Meg Keene

Meg is the Founder and EIC of APW. She has written two best selling wedding books: A Practical Wedding and A Practical Wedding Planner. Meg has her BFA in Drama from NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts. She lives in Oakland, CA with her husband and two children. For more than you ever wanted to know about Meg, you can visit MegKeene.com. #NASTY

Staff Picks

[Read comment policy before commenting]

  • yofi’s human

    YAS

  • Christina McPants

    It’s not that I disagree with any of these sentiments, but I read that WaPo article the other day and again when you linked to it and I don’t see the criticism of Huma as a parent? I see one of Weiner, but that’s it.

    I also agree with Dan Savage that publishing the pictures Weiner sent is revenge porn and if it’s not OK for this to happen to female celebrities, it’s not OK for our current obsessions with Weiner either. It’s only tangentially related to your point here, but I think it needs to be part of the conversation generally.

    • Meg Keene

      Here is the full paragraph that I quoted from, last sentance: “The day after these revelations, Weiner isn’t just facing questions about his political career. He’s facing questions about his parenting skills. And for the third time, his questionable decisions are ensnaring his wife, one of Hillary Clinton’s top aides, by raising questions about her decision to leave their son in a potentially dangerous situation.”

      • Christina McPants

        How on earth did I miss that?! Ugh, apparently I shouldn’t comment right before lunch.

    • Amy March

      And this is why I can’t stand Dan Savage. Cry me a river about the third time you got caught inappropriately sexting. It’s not remotely the same as what happens to female celebrities, but he never misses a beat when it comes to the false equivalency of male and female experiences.

      • Meg Keene

        Yeah, to me there is something VERY different about sexting photos (againnnnnnn) this time with your kid beside you, who you’re supposed to be watching while your wife is on the road working. And Jennifer Lawrence, who took private nude photos that were hacked, and then publicly leaked. It’s a false equivalency.

        I’m not arguing that the Weiner photos SHOULD have been leaked, but I have no pity for him, and I don’t have a lot of space for the argument that it’s the same as what happened to these women… who did NOT intentionally put themselves in harm’s way, and did not go out there compulsively seeking attention, but took private photos and had them stolen. These photos were not stolen. Published without his permission, sure. Stolen? No, he sent them of his own accord to a perfect stranger. AGAIN.

        • Amy March

          And, like, after the first time he got an opportunity to make a total political come back as mayor. Yes, he squandered that, but tell me more, Dan, about how a female politician would have gotten that chance.

          • Meg Keene

            WORDDDDDDD.

          • stephanie

            I think THIS is my favorite comment ever. AAHHH. In a sea of Dan Savage lovers, I stand with you in dissent.

      • Christina McPants

        I have my issues with him too and I’ll concede the point about male v. female, I just think it’s wrong that intimate photos shared with someone with the expectation of privacy are shared with the public, regardless of sex or level of celebrity.

        • Meg Keene

          I’m not sure sexting a stranger after TWO public sexting scandals would have any expectation of privacy for a reasonable human. That’s just sort of where I come down on that.

          • Violet

            Seriously. Come oooooooon. His judgment is nonexistent.

  • LJ

    Had to double-check if I was reading APW or Jezebel. A+. This is a good thing.

    Love, a Canadian who is consistently incredulous over the political reporting in the USA (with full knowledge of the occasional sexist scam that happens here – here are some examples from the lovely Peter McKay http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2014/06/24/peter-mackay-mothers-fathers-emails_n_5526437.html and http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2014/06/19/peter-mackay-women-judges-kids-bonding_n_5511967.html )

    • Sarah

      yes, there have been a smattering of thinkpieces on here that are Jezebel-like but tend to be a bit smarter/less sensationalized. I’m enjoying.

      • Meg Keene

        Jez has been pushed to do more gossip by this whole re-juggling (SOB) and I’m missing their rage over wedding and marriage stuff.

        • Meg Keene

          Though Jez TOTALLY covered this.

  • Rhie

    This whole situation makes me so sad for Huma Abedin… on the plus side, she works for one of the only people who probably really truly understands what she’s going through so that has to make it a little bit easier (?).

    • stephanie

      Right?! How I would love to be a fly on the wall for their conversations!

      • Sarah

        I think the convos included ‘is it better for huma to stay or go’ in regards to the campaign. Sad reality but smart politics. I’m guessing the Hilary supporters are all you go girl.

    • Meg Keene

      Truth. That’s a boss who’s like “GIRL, you take a day to cry. Fuck everyone.”

  • anon

    Sorry to be pedantic, but, *fanfic

  • Lindsay

    ugh yesssssss. so happy she’s leaving him, so sorry she has to deal with his UTTER INEPTITUDE, and so hoping she and hilz have some time for some mani-pedis and champagne and scream-singing “lemonade”.

    • Meg Keene

      THIS IS MY FAVORITE COMMENT OF ALL TIME.

      • Lindsay

        omg i am so honored!!!

  • Mariah

    Thank you SO SO much for this. I’ve been totally sucked into this story in ways that I’m typically not for your garden variety “powerful man cheats on wife” stories, and it’s been a little baffling to me. Like seriously, 9 times out of 10 I don’t give a flying you-know-what that yet another dude has been caught being unfaithful. However, I think what makes me feel outraged right now is that political wives have had to keep it in their pants and be above reproach for, like, ever. And this guy, who has been caught over and over again, can’t exercise a modicum of restraint and just avoid communicating sexually on public platforms.

    But I’m also not quite ready to separate the personal from the political here. I agree that ABSOLUTELY NONE of Weiner’s antics are the responsibility of his wife, but I think there are (and should be) implications for the political career of someone who is caught doing these kinds of things. And I think that’s where I differ from a lot of people who say things like “who cares how he gets his rocks off, he was a great congressman.”

    There’s an episode of RadioLab where they revisit the original “modern” sex scandal, Gary Hart during the presidential race of 1988, and part of the episode explores the question of whether politicians’ sex lives are relevant to the kind of president/governor/etc they would be. Most people say no, you can be unfaithful to your wife and still be a great president.

    And then they interviewed Cokie Roberts, who is like my hero woman pioneer journalist, and she was like “do you know how many women felt uncomfortable if they were alone in a room with Gary Hart? This affair was a symptom of how he treated women in general.” So, while it’s certainly possible for a guy to be a good elected official and cheat on his wife, I’d like us to entertain the idea that for some, there may also be a correlation between how men treat their partners and how/whether they respect women more broadly.

    • Kalë

      “I’d like us to entertain the idea that for some, there may also be a correlation between how men treat their partners and how/whether they respect women more broadly.”

      Yepppp. We wouldn’t want a person who kicks puppies, making policy on puppies, would we? A little simplistic, sure, but I definitely see where you’re coming from. While I’m sure it’s POSSIBLE for politicians to put aside their personal behavior while making policy decisions, I don’t see someone who treats women (especially a woman like, uhh, their wife??) poorly on the reg as someone I really want making policy decisions that affect women.

      This is actually one of the reasons why I love Obama so much. You can see every day how important women are to him – he is clear and vocal about how much he values his wife, mother, and daughters, and their right to equality, which is reflected in his public policy decisions as well.

      • Sarah

        well, by this metric I can think of a butt-ton of Republicans AND Democrats, in sadly equal measure, who shouldn’t be in positions of power for the way they treat interns, staffers, wives, etc.

        • Meg Keene

          Yeah, I think that’s fair. I don’t think anyone was making a partisan point. I mean, both Gary Hart and Weiner are democrats.

        • Kalë

          Oh, totally. Not a partisan point at all. Although I can say it makes me sad when someone whose politics I agree with turns out to be a “weiner” – sometimes in more ways than one.

      • JC

        You’ve seen the SNL 2012 Republican debate spoof about puppies, right? It’s…well terrible, but also so so funny.

    • Jess

      I have a lot of internal conflict about this whole scandal.

      1) I totally agree that how men treat their wives is indicative of how they treat women in general, and I worry about men who treat women as disposable sexual objects being in office.

      2) I’m pretty against the idea of exposing explicit images without somebody’s consent when those images were taken in good faith. If somebody sent them uninvited, please by all means, sue for sexual harassment using the proof you need. I’m just not into the whole “once you’re famous, everything you do deserves to be public consumption” thing going on right now (generally, not just for politicians).

      3) I am REALLY sick of men cheating being taken as “The wife did something to deserve this” or “The wife is to blame” or “This will really hurt her reputation” which is just so much bull shit, because it has nothing to do with her.

      • Meg Keene

        I just personally have a hard time with “those images were taken in good faith”, when you’re sexting stranger after two public sexting scandals? I get people may disagree, but I just have no pity for him on this.

        • Violet

          Also, apparently the woman is a vocal Trump supporter, so he presumably knew that. It’s an obvious leap to then question whether she was going to keep those images private. But he didn’t question it? I mean, sheesh.

          • Kalë

            omg, are you for real? -_- just -_-

          • Violet

            Yeah, I mean, just…. I’m so impressed Meg could be not only coherent, but eloquent. Because I just have no words.

        • Jess

          I’ll admit to being ill informed on the particulars. My understanding so far was that they had been trading sexts? If this woman is a stranger/didn’t consent to this? Totally down with her just being like “Um, nope, Here’s your lawsuit and here’s my press statement.”

          I’m super not sympathetic to Weiner, for the record, and do not condone his actions. I absolutely agree that this has nothing to do with his wife.

          I’m conflicted on principal because I feel pretty strongly against exposing explicit pictures of people without their knowledge.

          Telling people that it happened and writing about it? Absolutely. Publicly suing the shit out of them because it happened and you didn’t want it? Hell yes.

          Sending copies of those images, including one which identifies a kid, to news sources? I have a hard time getting behind it.

          • LJ

            the kid photo changes everything for me. collateral damage that is so not necessary. even if revenge P is your thing.

          • Meg Keene

            No I’m pretty sure it’s the woman who sold the photos. I’m not sure it’s been confirmed, but it’s the pretty clear implication. She’s an outspoken Trump supporter, Clinton hater. I mean, yes, the whole thing is gross. But he has plenty of responsibility here.

      • Sarah

        It’s pretty disgusting the image of his son was published, IMO

        • Ashlah

          I feel awful for the kid that a picture of him next to his dad’s crotch is forever going to be a google result for him.

        • Meg Keene

          Truth. Though you know NOT SENDING IT TO AN INTERNET STRANGER would have been a great way to prevent that. Like, I just, cannot.

        • Jess

          Yeah, that’s really troubling for me. Both the picture, and the publishing of it.

      • LJ

        I see no conflict in what you’re saying. All 3 items are valid. Eff this guy.

        • Jess

          My conflict is that my thoughts are as follows, in this order:

          Weiner – what an idiot! You did this again after being the center of media scandal for this before, and are dragging your wife down with you. Man, you get what you deserve.

          Shit, I am anti-revenge porn. I’m down for the situation being exposed, but not the images themselves.

          Welll… Still fuck this guy.

          • Jessica

            The first sexting scandal he was in my reaction was “this sucks, but he was sexting an underage girl, so it’s probably good to know about his character.”

            The second was like “really dude? did you not learn your lesson the first time?”

            This time it’s like he wants to burn everything to the ground.

            It’s like if your house gets broken into again and again. It sucks, and ultimately it’s on the burglars to not do illegal shit. But if it happens again and again and you don’t change anything regarding the security of your house, it’s hard to feel pity for you.

          • Jess

            Oh totally zero percent pity for the dude.

            Way more of an intellectual value conflict – if the story had broken without pictures being displayed I would have no issues at all.

          • Violet

            I see what you’re saying, but I *really* don’t think it’s the same as revenge porn. Revenge porn is pictures someone sent that they wanted private. This guy wants as many people to see his crotch as possible. The woman (who I believe did give them to the press, though I gotta check on that) basically helped him achieve his goal. I doubt he’s particularly bummed about this. Can it be worse than the other two times? People close to Huma are saying they have been essentially separated for about a year and she was waiting to divorce him after the campaign. So it’s not like this really cost him his wife; he lost her a while ago.

          • Jess

            It’s not even like I care about him or feel bad that this is ruining anything for him? I feel like he was a dumbshit for not thinking about all the consequences.

            It’s just the principal… but you’re probably right that this helped him reach his goal of peak exposure, which makes me feel much more comfortable dropping that portion of my issue here and just hoping for the Huma/Hilary pedi party!

          • Meg Keene

            JUST. DON’T. SEXT. TILL. NOVEMBER. Like, the bar is not that high for you, dude.

            And ditto “I see what you’re saying, but I *really* don’t think it’s the same as revenge porn. Revenge porn is pictures someone sent that they wanted private. This guy wants as many people to see his crotch as possible”

          • LJ

            Having his poor kid being pulled down with him is what really makes me seethe. I’m assuming #2 is the big deal for this and…. if it was just him, I might/would probably think differently. But his kid?! Poor boy.

          • Natalie

            I agree entirely. It is not ok that this image is being splashed all over the internet. Also, Weiner is a moron who has treated his family carelessly at best. These beliefs are not mutually exclusive.

  • Grace

    “All of which led me to look up from the New York Times in a
    cold rage, fix my eyes on my innocent husband, and say, “If you think
    you could ever, ever, ever get away with this crap without feeling the
    full brunt of my fury, think twice.”

    I could see making a general statement that you would never put up with such behavior. I can’t see personalizing it with the word “You” the way you did to your husband who didn’t do anything wrong.

    I’d rethink treating him that way.

    • Oh come on.

      • Grace

        Why is it okay to talk to someone you love like they’re a suspect? Doesn’t sound healthy.

        • Oh…kay.

        • Meg Keene

          Why don’t you let me manage my happy marriage and you manage yours.

          • emilyofnewmoon

            You showed a feeling other than forbearance and beatific patience? You didn’t choke your feelings and opinions back with the person you’re closest to? SHOCKING.

    • Ashlah

      I’d rethink offering unsolicited, condescending marriage advice to strangers.

      • La’Marisa-Andrea

        For some reason, people think that a person sharing snippets on their life publicly gives others license to be rude. Meg may share parts of her marriage but that doesn’t mean she’s offering her marriage up to public critique. Commenting on the inner workings of her marriage is rude especially when nobody fucking asked for those opinions.

      • La’Marisa-Andrea

        Also: shutting the fuck up is free. Not everything needs to be said. Beysus!

    • Mariah

      Nope, I totally get it. My husband is largely aware of the way privilege shields him and burdens me regarding the maintenance of our relationship, but he’s a dude, and has blind spots. Dealing with that is challenging enough when things are going well, but I can’t imagine having to try to swallow some of the bullshit “you should have done X” messaging in the wake of something as humiliating as a cheating scandal. He and I had a very similar conversation, where I wanted him to be aware of just how far over the line something like this would be.

      • Grace

        I just think there’s a way to say it that’s not so personal and attacking.

        • Mariah

          And I think tone policing should not be the primary concern when analyzing how women can communicate the burdens of sexism to their partners.

          • Grace

            I wouldn’t let a stranger talk to me that way, let alone a spouse. It would piss me and most people off. I’d be saying “Why are you talking to me this way?”

            Maybe you all are more comfortable with combative relationships, but I was genuinely shocked.

          • Violet

            I wouldn’t be comfortable with it in my marriage, but it’s not “wrong.” There are soooo many ways to interact with a spouse, and couples make their own rules about what they are comfortable with and what they’re not. I don’t feel it’s my place to tell other people how to behave in their marriages when it’s clearly a preference thing. I’m sure if David had a problem with it, he’d have told Meg. I don’t think he needs us.

          • Grace

            You could be right that this is acceptable in their marriage. But people can also say things without thinking in the heat of emotions. Like I said, I was shocked.

          • Violet

            Oh, my partner and I tooooootally say things in the heat of the moment that we then regret. But when that happens, the other one goes, “Not cool,” and we apologize and fix it. I just highly doubt David needs anyone to let Meg know when something she said didn’t work for him. Which I think is what the other commenters are responding to about your comment- it’s just, not really our place to tell people in marriages how to be, right? (Unless they’re specifically asking for advice, in which case, y’all know I’m all over that.)

          • Grace

            It felt like the way it was framed in the overall story, that there was an implication that it’s a reasonable way (or even a desirable way) to react.

            It was concerning to me because this post is about pushing back on the false ideas about men cheating on women in power. It just seemed like misdirected anger to jump on an innocent person.

          • Violet

            Yeah, I trust the readers are going to make their own judgments about it. Either this makes sense for their marriage (in which case, they’re probably already doing it) or they were like, “Umm, no,” like you, and aren’t going to suddenly start saying things like that because Meg did.

          • La’Marisa-Andrea

            You’re really reaching here. It’s ok to admit you crossed the line and step back.

          • Grace

            That is your opinion. I am not you.

          • Meg Keene

            Yeah, but you crossed the line with me about my marriage, and I’m telling you to step back.

          • Grace

            I don’t think it crosses a line when you’re essentially writing about how we as women handle this issue. You said you looked at your “innocent” husband in a “cold rage”.

            There’s an implication that this is an okay thing to do given the subject matter. That’s what I was pushing back against.

            At any rate, this is useless at this point, so adios.

          • La’Marisa-Andrea

            Commenting on the marriage of someone you don’t know when no one asked you is crossing a line. But even if that weren’t generally accepted you were just told it crossed line by the person it directly concerned. So these are actually Meg’s personal boundaries. If someone tells you that you crossed line with them, then you did. It’s not up for debate.

          • Meg Keene

            HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA. I can’t.

          • La’Marisa-Andrea

            Cue my eye roll. Here’s the part where you apologize for being rude and crossing a line and go on about your day.

          • Grace

            I already said I don’t agree.

          • La’Marisa-Andrea

            Oh I know what you said. You’re being given an out. You should take it.

          • Meg Keene

            It worked for him. We’re good. Thanks for your concern everyone.

          • Violet

            lol! Thanks, I was worried about how I’d even fall asleep tonight!

          • La’Marisa-Andrea

            Then why didn’t you say you were shocked instead of “I’d rethink treating him that way?” Where does shock morph unsolicited relationship advice re someone else’s marriage? Are you their marriage therapist? Do Meg and David confide in you about their marriage? Surely you can see a line was crossed here.

          • Amy March

            Good thing you’re not married to Meg then!

          • Violet

            Yeah, this is what it comes down to, right here.

          • BSM

            Also, like, who cares? That is completely beside the point of the article.

          • Abby

            Teehee (+1)

          • Meg Keene

            Oh Lord girl, it wouldn’t piss most people off, it would piss YOU off. Get correct. My husband is fine, he has a backbone and he knows how to stick up for himself, and HE PICKED ME. You know, TWELVE (happy) years ago.

          • ART

            As someone who did spend years with a guy who turned out to be quite a Weiner himself (although it was mostly by email because we didn’t have smartphones yet), I know exactly what kind of untameable rage-bitch I can be in that situation. I have given my sweet, loving, no-wrong-doing husband fair warning that sexting crosses a line for me (because we communicate about boundaries) and added that he probably doesn’t want to see what my reaction would be (because I talk to him about the things that upset me, and how I deal with them). I am good with that conversation, as is my husband. Your reaction is not universal.

          • stephanie

            GIRL PLEASE JUST STOP NOW BYE.

          • lady brett

            somewhat irrelevant, but in a situation like this i have far higher standards for strangers than spouses. if you don’t know me, it should go without saying that you keep it cool and collected and not personal. my honey, on the other hand, ought to have a solid handle on how we acceptably communicate by now, and I can guarantee it wouldn’t sound good on a stranger (in our case, because we are really weird, but because righteous rage is acceptable or expected is another couple’s iteration).

          • Cellistec

            THIS. ALL THE THIS.

        • Meg Keene

          I think you have no idea how that conversation went down and if it was personal and attacking, and what my husband said afterwards. And the laugher and the jokes we made. So, yeah, he’s good, I’m good, maybe watch your own self.

          • Grace

            Good!!! But you didn’t write it that way. The emphasis was on rage.

          • Meg Keene

            You know why? Because my husband’s potential (and here non existent) sensitivities to the burdens that sexism place on women is not my primary concern in life. I’m 100% fine with my rage. If it makes you uncomfortable, that’s your issue to work on. Don’t tone police me. It doesn’t make anyone in my life uncomfortable. In fact, rage over social injustice is one of the reasons my partner loves me and chose me.

            I’m fine with my rage. I’m not sorry it makes you uncomfortable. That’s on you.

          • Cellistec

            Those last 3 sentences on a T-shirt, plsthx.

          • LJ

            +1 would buy, even with teespring’s pricy CAD option

          • spinning2heads

            YES. I’d buy that.

          • YAAAAS!

          • LJ

            Where’s that MJ popcorn gif when I need it…

        • LJ

          gonna go ahead and point out the irony here.

          • Emily

            laughing out loud over here!

  • Sarah R

    I have to point out that the Washington Post edited that story. The original quote blamed Huma even worse. “…his questionable decisions are ensnaring his wife, one of Hillary Clinton’s top aides, by raising questions about her decision to leave their son alone with her husband while she’s on the campaign trail.”
    As Rebecca Traister pointed out in her article, no man has ever been questioned for leaving his child home with his wife. http://nymag.com/thecut/2016/08/anthony-weiner-and-huma-abedins-divorce-isnt-political.html

    • La’Marisa-Andrea

      What bullshit. She left their child with his father. Not a teeny bopper. What the fuck.

      • Cellistec

        Yeah, that makes my blood boil. It reminds me of how you sometimes hear people referring to a father caring for his children as “babysitting.” I can’t even.

        • Lisa

          Some guy in my cast referred to watching his son as “babysitting,” and if the stage manager hadn’t immediately jumped in with “It’s not babysitting if it’s your own child,” then I certainly would have.

        • La’Marisa-Andrea

          RAGE.

        • Lulu

          The she herself called him “essentially, a full-time dad” is pretty cringe-worthy in its own way.

        • This makes me want to punch people. Even when my in-laws “babysit”, we call that “grandparenting” because that’s what it is.

          • AP

            I love this.

          • Meg Keene

            God don’t even get me started. When I get a guilt trip on that, no.

          • Caseycfreda1

            Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !mj220d:
            On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
            !mj220d:
            ➽➽
            ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash220WebTravelGetPay$97Hour ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★::::::!mj220d:….,…

          • Ruthgknight1

            Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !ie602t:
            On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
            !ie602t:
            ➽➽
            ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash842ShopPerformanceGetPay$97Hour ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★::::::!ie602t:….,……..

          • Geraldinejmaio3

            Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !ie879t:
            On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
            !ie879t:
            ➽➽
            ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash389HomeSpecialistGetPay$97Hour ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★::::::!ie879t:….,……..

        • NotMarried!

          I work in a male-dominated office these days and I am ALWAYS griping at my co-workers for complaining about babysitting duty!

      • seriously. SERIOUSLY. He wasn’t babysitting. He is the kid’s dad. At this point, I’d be very worried that he is a decent enough father to leave a child with, but that STILL does not make it Huma’s fault.

        • La’Marisa-Andrea

          No. I think part of the critique is also her not being smart enough not to choose an asshole to have a child. Cause you know that’s our fault too.

          • Oh yeah. of course it’s her fault for choosing the wrong man.

          • Cellistec

            Ugh, talk about an argument you can’t win. Either she deliberately chose a mate she knew was a hot mess, or she was naive enough to be tricked into marrying him. ‘Cause no one’s going to say “she’s a forgiving person who gave him the benefit of the doubt and he blew it.” That’s just not in our social narrative.

          • emmers

            As an aside, it’s good to see you on here, sera!

          • Aw. Thanks! I didn’t know I was missed!

          • AP

            sighing the world’s heaviest sighhhhhh for myself and every woman who’s been told she had it coming because she should have known what he was like

    • Jess

      Whaaaaaaaaat!? Who is asking those questions other than you, Washington Post!?

      • Meg Keene

        “Many people are saying…”

        Probably Trump.

    • Meg Keene

      I LITERALLY SEE RED WHEN I READ THAT.

    • OMYGOD WTF???? Who’s editing that paper?
      Is it any wonder that I prefer to read NYMag?

    • MC

      Everything Rebecca Traister writes is gold.

  • Jessica

    This is so good. Exactly why I keep coming back to APW!

  • eating words

    Everything about this post is yes.

  • Matilda

    Ugh, so much this. The day my husband defended for his PhD his current boss/mentor told me now that he was on to his post doc I would have to make sure he was spending a sufficient amount of time (read all of his time) in the lab. Yeah, no. My husband is an adult who can manage to get himself to work.

    • Her Lindsayship

      BARF. I’m so enraged on your behalf. I don’t know how I would react to that in person but I think it would be wildly inappropriate.

      • LJ

        As far as I’m concerned, the boss was inappropes first. Eye for an eye, jerkface.

        I’m in a catty mood. heh.

    • Meg Keene

      I was told by someone that it was my job to make sure David did well in Law School and cater to all his needs. I was like “BYE I HAVE A JOB.” Also: it’s my job to make sure we eat, so carry the fuck on.

      • LJ

        I get horribly facetious to these people….. it can be fun. If I took them seriously it would ruin my life.

      • FUUUCK THAT!!!!!

      • Jessica

        While we were dating I went to a family/friends event at my husband’s church. That day a woman who had known him all his life rubbed his shoulders a little bit and said to me “he’s so tense! you need to give him more back rubs!” His mom, that same day, told me “if he gets grumpy, you’re probably feeding him things with too much food coloring.”

        I was working 70+ hour weeks at the time, so no back rubs for him. I also still don’t take responsibility for what he does and does not eat. It was a strange interaction all around, but the takeaway was “HE IS A GROWN ASS MAN AND HAS RESPONSIBILITY FOR HIMSELF.”

        • Lisa

          Nope nope nope nope nope.

        • AP

          Ewwww, using the phrase “feeding him” about a grown ass man makes my skin crawl. I don’t know how you didn’t completely lose your mind that day.

          • Jessica

            I kind of did. There was a lot of “what the fucking fuck” in the car on the way home, from both of us.

            Also relevant, he had recently gotten home from a deployment then. So, he had responsibility over himself and a bunch of soldiers, but somehow couldn’t manage to avoid food coloring without me.

            uugggghhh.

        • emmers

          Ha! The semi inverse of this is my husband’s mom once complimented me on the cleanliness of our house. Nope, all him!

        • Wow, I can’t believe that woman rubbed your then-boyfriend’s shoulders at a family/friends church event….and then told you you needed to give him more back rubs.

          • Although maybe she’s older, like parent-aged or something, and it was more platonic than what I imagined in my head!

  • Sarah

    Two things: will Huma have to pay him alimony now? Saw a tweet that said “this situation is proof the Clintons don’t have people killed.”

    • Laura C

      That was one of the great tweets of the week.

  • AAAAAAA!!! This makes me ragey. Meg, yes to all the things. When I have no words, you do an excellent job. Thank you!

  • Amanda L.

    YES. ALL OF THIS. I’ve been so sick of hearing people blame women for everything their husbands do or don’t do in this election cycle in general. I am a Hillary supporter and understand the legitimate criticisms that people have regarding her, HOWEVER, when I hear so many otherwise smart and thoughtful people say, “Well, I don’t like her because Bill supported (insert bill/issue/etc.) and didn’t support (insert other bill/issue here) and she didn’t do anything to stop him,” I see red.

    And these same people have said similar things about Michelle Obama, and now are saying similar things about Huma. WIVES ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR HUSBANDS’ ACTIONS.

  • JC

    The woman-shaming in all of this is enough to make me tear my hair out, but a number of tweets imagining how Anthony Wiener would both sext a woman and reveal classified information at the same time was almost enough to make it better for a very small moment.

    Note: Wiener is not a member of the staff and does not have security clearance. But even if he did, that’s just not a sexy conversation to have. Nope.

  • lady brett

    fuck yes, meg.

  • chikzdigmohawkz

    I couldn’t find you an ‘HRC leaving Bill’ fanfic, but I did find an ‘HRC & RBG deciding to fight zombies instead of waiting out the apocalypse in a bunker’ fanfic: http://archiveofourown.org/works/1098960

  • Tardis1

    Huma stuck with him as long as she did, because she is driven to be around powerful people. After so many scandals, he will no longer have power, and she can get power through Hillary, so she can finally leave him behind.

    • emmers

      Huh. That’s quite a leap. Way to turn the tables on that one, and somehow make Weiner’s sexting about Huma.

      ETA- I don’t think you got the point of the article.

      • Tardis1

        If you don’t think she’s driven to surround herself with the powerful, you clearly haven’t followed her life. She wouldn’t have even been with Weiner in the first place if he was just some office worker.

        I do get the point of the article, but it misses the point – she is a terrible power craving person who surrounds herself with other terrible people. She just happened to miscalculate when she chose Weiner, which is a shame because she could have done much better.

  • Eenie

    I have zero things to add besides my own personal rage at the situation.

  • Rachel

    I nearly started to cry when I read this post. Meg, thank you for your beautiful words. I have been like this so much lately and it pisses me off to no end. I work just as hard as my husband and take care of everything around the house as well. This sums it up so well: “As a mother of two small children and a business owner—and, you know, as a human who has to shower and such—you’d think I’d rather clearly be at my limit on things that are actually my responsibility. But yet, society somehow manages to regularly hold me responsible for my husband’s actions as well… not to mention the very many tasks we should both be equally accountable for. Is his career progressing well? (My own career never seems particularly relevant to folks.) Is he dressed well? (Clearly I must buy him his clothing, so, on me.) Is he getting enough billable hours in at work? (If not, am I taking time off my own work to make that happen?) Are our children getting appropriate childcare and time with a loving parent? (Again, me.) Is our house clean? (Duh, me.) Is our social life well organized? (Who do you think?) Did everyone get a birthday card and a wedding gift? (Um, me.)”. Again, thank you and now I need to return to my childcare while working full time duties.

  • Pingback: The REWM:The week in review - The REWM()