*Joan, Seminarian and Ministerial Candidate & Jared, Graduate Student in Sociology & Public Affairs and Author*

Ok. So I was going to write an introduction about how much Joan & Jared's wedding reminded me of our own interfaith families and our wedding... and then I was looking at the pictures and realized that Jared is wearing exactly the same tie as David wore on our wedding day. And then I had one of those magic connection moments. Because what Joan says about building a life together from two cultures is so perfect (and the joke about Yankee thrift vs. more recent immigrant culture is particularly hilarious, given that those of us from long lines of WASP families were raised to never show your hand when spending money, ever). But, more than all that, the bits Joan says about finding joy, re-negotiating family relationships, and the real reason weddings are important is such foundational stuff. If you're planning, you can't skip this post. Really.

The most remarkable thing about our wedding day for me was the simple and unabashed joy of it. This is noteworthy because so much of our wedding planning had involved careful thought, deliberate planning, and diligent organization. And, then, BAM. Joy. But, let me back up a little further lest I give the impression that joy = easy.

As I mentioned, Jared and I put a lot of careful thought and planning into our wedding. This is largely due to the fact that we are planners. (Trust me, we have the Google Docs to prove it.) But, we also embarked on this careful planning in order to thoughtfully address how best to put together our blended/hybrid wedding.

I come from a fairly traditional Filipino, Catholic family. Almost all the weddings in my family have taken place in Catholic churches as the celebration of the Sacrament of Matrimony. But, I am no longer a practicing Catholic and am preparing to be a Unitarian Universalist minister. Jared's family is mostly a-religious and weddings have pretty much been celebrated in a secular fashion.

Jared and I are also from completely different parts of the country. Jared's roots go back several generations in New England and much of my family ended up in Chicago, where I was born and raised, after my parents and a few aunts and uncles immigrated there from the Philippines in the 1970s.

Our very wise premarital counselor told us that she likes to think of any marriage as the coming together of distinct cultures. Given how different our backgrounds really are, Jared and I form a blended union to a T. What really mattered in our wedding planning, though, and what really mattered to us as a couple despite those differences, was living out our shared, common values with thought and care because those values are the foundation on which our partnership is built.

Before even officially becoming engaged, we had talked about our desire to get legally married in a state that has already extended that right to gay couples. Jared is from Vermont, one of the first states to legalize gay marriage. Not only would getting married in Vermont honor our value of marriage equality, it also meant a lot to us to be able to celebrate our marriage in the place that has always held a special place in Jared's heart and has grown to in mine. So, we decided we would get married in parts. First, we would have a small civil ceremony in Vermont, where Jared is from, to get legally hitched. And then, we would have the full community celebration in Chicago with all our family and friends.

The brilliance of this plan, as it turned out, is that we got to have two weddings! Amazing! Continue reading Wedding Graduates: Joan & Jared