Posts Tagged ‘DIY Photography’

Oct 2012

*Erica, Unitarian Universalist Minister & Rachel, Housing Advocate*

Interestingly, especially given that APW’s original tag line was “Creative. Thrifty. Sane.,” we don’t spend a lot of time on APW talking about budgets. In fact, for years we’ve edited out numbers from wedding grad posts because we found that it was a flash point for readers. If someone was spending less or more than you, what did that MEAN?? (Hint: Nothing.) One of our goals for the next few months is to find a way to ease into discussing numbers safely. To start, we thought this week we’d showcase weddings with different budgets that are still very APW, so we can all see that joy is just joy. First up, Erica’s thoughtful post about balancing priorities and realities. (Plus, DIY photography! Hurrah!)

Hi, I’m Erica, the one in the green dress. When Rachel and I sat down to plan our wedding, we decided to start by listing our top priorities. Rachel went first, and her list of priorities matched mine so exactly that I thought, “Yes, I am absolutely marrying the right person!”

Our priorities were:

Meaningful ceremony
Beautiful location
People we love in attendance
Being gracious hosts to our guests

We also decided that we wanted to spend no more than $5,000. While this was not one of the main priorities, it was a very close second in terms of importance. The reason for this wasn’t really because we couldn’t afford more. With the help offered by our parents, we could probably have afforded to spend up to twice as much. But that wasn’t the kind of wedding we wanted. We wanted to get married as simply and meaningfully as possible.

As we were planning our wedding, we kept coming back to these priorities. There were other things that were important to us, but if they clashed with any of the priorities, we dropped them. For me, what this meant, especially in the early stages, was a constant conversation with myself about whether the things I wanted really fit in with the wedding we were planning.

Take dress shopping, for example. Our first foray into the world of dress shopping involved me convincing a rather reluctant Rachel to come look at the wedding dresses in the local used clothing store. Despite her initial reluctance, as soon as Rachel began trying things on, she got totally swept up in the moment, and very excited. After watching her for awhile, my resolution to get married in green began to waver. I wanted to try on the pretty white dresses, too! So, I did. The first one I tried on was this gorgeous dress. It looked very good on me. A part of me wanted to get married in that dress.

But it also weighed a ton. And it was quite formal. I had this conversation with myself for the first time. “I really want this dress. But I don’t want the wedding that goes with this dress. I want this other wedding we’re planning. The simple, getting married in a field in a green dress wedding.” So, I didn’t buy the dress. Instead, my mother took a week off from work and we made my dress together. We had a blast, and I got a dress that fit wonderfully into our wedding. Continue reading Wedding Graduates: Erica & Rachel

Posted in: LGBTQ Weddings, Marriage Equality, Wedding Graduates | 26 Comments »

Apr 2012

Wedding Graduates: Christy & James

*Christy, Wedding Photographer & James, Student/Wedding Photographer*

We’re kicking off this week with a long awaited (by me) wedding graduate post from Christy Tyler. Many of you know Christy as the powerhouse behind Christy Tyler Photography in Chicago. But Christy isn’t just a talented photographer, she also (like, well, all of our elves) is a fabulous person. And I’ve been bugging her for more than a year now to submit the story of her wedding. But then, when I was on book tour, Christy took me in for dinner in Chicago, and I saw pictures of her (insanely hot) wedding dress, and we had a long chat about what happens when your life doesn’t turn out quite how you expect it… but somehow… once you can wrap your head around it… is better. So this week we wanted to explore the idea of “Change of Plans” (which is somehow the core and key to wedding planning). What do you do when your life takes an unexpected turn? How can that be magical? (Not to mention the fact that this wedding graduate post is an absolute must-read for anyone struggling with not loving memories of their wedding.)

Whether or not I’d like to admit it—since long ago—in the back of my mind I had a vision of the man I thought I’d marry: college educated, non-smoker, never been married, comes from a middle-class family, and we’d meet in college (like my parents had—obviously). I had a vision of the life we would live… we’d date through college, get engaged in our senior year, get good jobs after school, buy a house, get married, and a year or so later we’d start having kids. This was the life I pictured. I prayed for it even when I was dating guys I thought were “the one” and things weren’t going so well.

Instead, I met the man I would some day marry (we’ll call him James… since that’s his name) when I was least expecting it and definitely not looking for it. I was 25, and contrary to my long-held hope—I was not yet married, I did not have a house, and I did not have any kids on the way. Instead, I had just broken up with the guy that I thought for a long time I would eventually marry (you know the one: we met in college, non-smoker, college educated, middle-class family… see above). I was done with the drama of relationships, and wasn’t looking for anything from anyone. For the first time in my life I wanted to be alone for a bit. I was lost, and I was trying to figure out my life. I was finishing up my second degree, this time in photography, and wanted to focus on me.

Right at that point in my life (and a similar “I’m done with all of it” point in James’ own life), we met. And we did not hit it off. He was an overly confident guy that took it upon himself to play a one-sided version of twenty questions within minutes of introducing himself to me. Somewhere in the middle of quizzing me on my life, background, and age (I had to be 25, he didn’t date girls younger than that “because their brains aren’t fully developed yet.” Yes he said that to me within minutes of meeting me!!), I came to find out that he was recently divorced, a smoker, never graduated from college after completing two years of studies, and was raised by a single mother. This guy was not the guy I had pictured in my head my entire life. And certainly in that moment I did not think he was the guy for me either. But for some reason—by the end of that night—something about him had intrigued me enough that I wanted to know more. He was so different than anyone I knew, and while we had so many differences in our upbringings and backgrounds—it turned out we had a lot in common when it came to our mindsets, beliefs, and priorities in life.

To make an already long story shorter, we began dating that day, and a little over a year after meeting—we were engaged to be married.

At this same point, most of my friends from my hometown (a small town in Wisconsin) and college were married or getting married within the year. They were all buying nice houses before doing so, and saddling up for the life I had always pictured in my head. But not James and me. I was struggling to pay the bills, clawing my way out of some serious credit card debt from college, and starting my photography business while working a full-time job at a law firm downtown. I found myself constantly comparing my life to theirs—comparing what they had achieved to what I had not yet achieved. And I always felt inadequate. Continue reading Wedding Graduates: Christy & James

Posted in: Wedding Graduates | 95 Comments »

Apr 2012

Wordless Wedding: Jenni & Karen

* Karen Naimool, Anger Management Counselor for Children & Jenni Griffith, Program Manager at a Medical School & Doctoral Student * Photographer: A mix of close friends and the local press that showed up. Some of the best shots came from Stu Bayer who did an article about our ceremony for the Rivertowns Patch. * Soundtrack for reading: “Stars 4-Ever” by Robyn *

One sentence sum up of the wedding vibe: Queer femme pinup girl meets island ninja under a giant gay balloon arch with bubbles, giggles, and play!

Continue reading Wordless Wedding: Jenni & Karen

Posted in: Wedding Graduates, Wordless Weddings | 70 Comments »

Apr 2012

Wordless Wedding: Rory & James

* Rory, Photographer/Colorist in Training & James, Storyboard Artist and Illustrator * Photographer: Rory & James’ friend and witness, Vanessa * Soundtrack for reading: “Married Life” by Michael Giacchino *

One sentence sum up of the wedding vibe: Two real life cartoon characters run away together.

Continue reading Wordless Wedding: Rory & James

Posted in: Wedding Graduates, Wordless Weddings | 18 Comments »

Oct 2011

Wedding Graduates: Rachel & Anton

If you are like me, you have been waiting around tapping your toe, wondering when our own Shotgun Shirley (whose real name is Rachel… long story) would write her wedding graduate post. Rachel shared a bit about planning her Shotgun Wedding (which we both agree is the funniest term in the world, so we’re using it) last fall, when she found out rather suddenly that she was pregnant. And now she’s back, with a beautiful wedding story (that dress!) and… A BABY! Rachel’s story is a perfect complement to this morning’s discussion of accepting life, our partners, ourselves, and our union exactly how they come… and letting there be perfection in the imperfection.

There are so many ways to approach this that it’s taken me a while to get started. (And I’ve had three false starts already.) Do I talk about including each of my six siblings? The mama (in-law) drama? Planning it almost by myself because Anton had to study for the bar exam? But what’s really different about our story is that it was a shotgun wedding.

We were proto-engaged for over six months, then we got officially engaged and BAM it turns out we are two months along—what?!? Despite our best efforts, our plan to have a family became a bit off schedule.

We had been considering a Fall 2011 or Spring 2012 picnic reception at my parents’ house. We even did some landscaping to prepare during the secret proto-engagement. So, why did we go for a shotgun wedding? Well, there were the legal benefits, and the tax benefits, too (when one of you makes $0, you get a nice big tax refund, which can help pay for a nice big party), but that’s not the only reason. When it comes down to it, we wanted to be married before our daughter’s birth. It was important to us personally, and it also seemed more practical. (I am so glad I didn’t have any postpartum wedding planning!)

We had a civil ceremony a month after our official engagement, in November 2010, and scheduled our religious wedding for January 2011. That way I still had plenty of pregnant time to switch from my OB to an awesome midwife, prep for the birth, and get ready for a baby. A shotgun wedding was the most practical option for us, and that’s why we did it, difficulties and all.

Now, onto the how. A lot of the wedding planning was not particularly “shotgun”—we set our budget and our priorities early on (family/friends, booze, food and funk) and went from there. Invites and reception venue had to be figured out ASAP since we already knew we’d be married in my family church. We had just announced our engagement and now we had to spread the baby and wedding news. We mostly waited, except for close family and friends, until we could announce both.

Continue reading Wedding Graduates: Rachel & Anton

Posted in: Wedding Graduates | 42 Comments »

Sep 2011

Wedding Graduates: Juliana & Joan

You want a perfect wedding? Well. I think today’s wedding might be as close as it gets. It’s not perfect in a single traditional sense (no white dress, no big party, no details to speak of, only a few weeks to plan), but it’s perfect in the ways that matter. They decided they didn’t want to live without each other, they braved multi-national legalities, they planned a wedding in a few weeks that reflected them. Plus, I have a huge soft spot for the ladies who thought they would never marry and then decided they could rock marriage in their own damn way, just like everything else in their lives.

I had never given much thought to a wedding, or even marriage. I pictured myself as one of those mature women who wears red dresses and big floppy hats with large sunglasses and sips wine on sidewalk cafes with a book by her side, with lots of cats waiting at home, or perhaps making time before she meets with her current and not permanent beau. But married? Nope.

Half a year before our wedding, my boyfriend of four years and I decided to split up after I moved to Costa Rica, when we realized that traveling back and forth was completely out of our budget. He had mentioned the option of marrying in a Mr. Darcy way—not the “I ardently love you” proposal but the “against my better judgement” one. I was in shock at first and then shot it down as more trouble than it would be worth and had a dozen different reasons as to why it didn’t make sense when neither one of us has ever been “the marrying kind.” A couple of months later we discussed the more realistic possibility of him traveling to Costa Rica on a tourist visa, finding work and a way to make his stay more permanent. We even joked about getting married to buy time while they sorted the paperwork out. Two weeks later when his visa application for Costa Rica was rejected, we had to think fast and plan. And then it became crystal clear to me, in a way that it hadn’t before, that although I could live without him, I didn’t want to. He made my life better, and I wanted him with me. So I proposed and he said yes. It might be good to mention that all these conversations took place on an instant messaging client while we were sitting miles and miles away from each other.

I told my parents, he told his. Due to study and work issues, I could only take a month to go to Colombia, plan the wedding and get married. Getting married in Colombia requires quite a mountain of paperwork and I had to be there in person to hand it in and then get approved to schedule the wedding date. We had to jump through legal hoops and over hurdles, but in the end, I got him some papers so my fiance was able to act in my name, and we had a wedding date. We also had less than six weeks to plan.

Planning this wedding had very little to do with the fluffy bits: decorations, food, flowers, dresses, cards and invitations, engagement photo shoots or gift registries. It had to do with practicality, with simplicity and a lot with boring things like running around the city getting paperwork signed and stamped in different offices and then getting them mailed off. We had long conversations over skype and through chat about our personal goals and expectations of married life and one of the important items had to do with money. We decided two things: we would pay for the wedding ourselves, even if that meant having a really small wedding, and we would not get into debt to have the wedding. Continue reading Wedding Graduates: Juliana & Joan

Posted in: Wedding Graduates | 26 Comments »