Posts Tagged ‘Jewish Wedding’

Nov 2010

So, as things quiet down over here for Thanksgiving week, I'm thrilled to bring you Ceri's wedding graduate post, which has the perfect amount of gratitude and simplicity, and just plain awesomeness. I was struck by Ceri's description of their ceremony, at how she suddenly realized, "Wow, this is actually happening, right here, right now." It's hard to put into words how I felt during our ceremony, but she gets pretty d*mn close. And what she says about details mattering and not mattering all at once? I'd like to sign on that line, and re-emphasize that you need to do what causes you the least stress and the most happiness and let the rest of it go. So with that I give you Ceri's oddly perfect, totally blissful wedding:

I admit it. I was wrapped up in the planning. I enjoyed scrounging second-hand shops for owl and cat figurines to fit our "The Owl and the Pussy-cat" theme. I was obsessed with last minute DIY nervous-energy projects. I was absorbed in my own head space of pretty. And, as I waited on an earthen balcony overlooking the river at our wedding site, I thought, wow, this is actually happening, right here, right now. All the hours spent fussing over minor and major details dissolved into the flowing water. I peeked through the brush at my family and friends gathering around our ceremony site, and it hit me, they are here for us, this is all real. I was filled with bliss, love, and nervous excitement. I was here to marry my best friend.

Before I met my husband, I wasn't into marriage. I thought it was a nice idea for some people, but definitely wasn't in the stars for me. My husband felt the same. Obviously that feeling changed, because he proposed, I said yes without hesitation, and four months later I was standing along a river waiting to be married. Weird. Yet, weird in a very good way. The best kind of weird. What was even stranger was that as I held his hands when we met under our chuppah, I knew that he felt exactly the same way I did, and I hadn't even considered that this was a possibility. In fact, I hadn't considered at all what he felt about me. It was a given, I suppose. But then suddenly, as I listened to him pronounce his vows, I thought, huh, he really loves me. I mean he really, really loves me. The kind of love that's willing to forgo a family history of disappointment and divorce to marry me. The kind of love that overcomes a fear of public display of love and affection to say our vows when it was his preference to go to the courthouse. The kind of love that promises to be here with me...forever. So strange. I hadn't actually considered that a real possibility until that moment. I mean for me it was indeed a possibility. I had already struggled with my fears of divorce stemming from my own childhood and struggled with what marriage really means, blah, blah, blah, but I hadn't really figured out that he meant this whole marriage thing. I'm still kind of reeling over that one.

This may sound pretty mushy, and admittedly, it is, but our wedding was perfect. I can't think of a better adjective. Everything and everyone glowed. Ok, so yes, it was sunny, but it was more than that. Continue reading Wedding Graduates: Ceri & Nate

Posted in: Wedding Graduates | 35 Comments »

Oct 2010

Wedding Graduate: Robin & Ronnen

So on Monday I told you that both of this week's wedding graduates would be Bay Area APW Book Club ladies, because I wanted to celebrate the community part of this site... the real life community part. Well, Today's post is from Robin, who took me out to lunch on Saturday, and then wandered and chatted with me for hours. We didn't even talk about APW much, we just talked about our marriages, and our dreams, and where we were in our careers, and then we bought vintage shoes. Which is basically what APW is, but in real life. So I'm really grateful for that, and grateful to know that's starting to happen in DC and Boston and all over the place... not just here. And as part of building that community, later today Robin is going to give her (beautiful) dress away. So with that, here is Robin, saying a lot of really wise things and sharing her beautiful, sunny, San Francisco wedding.

We moved to the Bay Area from Philadelphia nearly three years ago, mere days after our engagement. We took a year or so to settle in here before starting to plan our wedding. When we started planning, we thought we wanted a wine country wedding. It seemed quintessentially California, and a true destination for our guests, the majority of whom were flying in from the east coast. We thought—easy. A no fuss wine country wedding-- a small-ish guest list, a seasonal menu, extraordinary food and wine—done, right? Ha. Every weekend we got in the car, and drove to wine county to visit potential venues. We saw wineries, hotels, private estates, and outdoor gardens. In the end, with a contract in hand, the idea of renting a tent, and a floor, and bathrooms, and transportation, and a catering tent…. it was too much. We walked away.

In reality, I’m kind of a controlling person. I like things done a certain way, and have pretty clear ideas about the right way for most things. But for the wedding, I managed to conjure up this other self, and to transcend my need to manage EVERYTHING. I just kept telling anyone who asked if I was nervous, or worried, that no matter what else happened, the bar would be open, and we would be MARRIED. The rest was a bonus, and ultimately, didn’t matter. After briefly toying with a City Hall wedding, we went in search of a restaurant, or other space, that could accommodate a small, food-focused reception. We found a small hotel with a great outdoor space with views of the Bay, and with an amazing restaurant to host the reception.

Saying I managed to transcend my usually controlling self, does not mean that nothing mattered to me. Of course it did. I wanted our ceremony to be so well timed that it would start right after the Ferry Building’s clock tower bell chimed, so that the ceremony would end before the next chime. But in retrospect, I can’t even tell you if this happened or not. I had lists, and spreadsheets. I had DIY projects, like knitting our chuppah. But I didn’t finish the chuppah, or cross everything off of my lists, and it seriously had no impact on how we experienced our day.

Making wedding choices is a lot like buying expensive items for your house. When we were shopping for a big TV (which we did for MONTHS), my husband would drag me into Best Buy and show me two or three TVs and ask me which one I liked better. I very rarely could even tell the difference between them. What I told him, was that ultimately, only one was coming home with us. If we bought the second best, or even the fifth best, it wouldn’t seem second best, because we wouldn’t have the other one in our living room to make the comparison.

This is true of your wedding, too. On your day—all of the things you didn’t choose (for financial, or any other reasons), that you worry you’ll feel badly about…they won’t be there for comparison. And what you DID choose, will be wonderful. And no one, including you, will be thinking, this wedding is nice, but it would have been so much better if she had upgraded these chairs. Continue reading Wedding Graduate: Robin & Ronnen

Posted in: Wedding Graduates | 58 Comments »

Sep 2010

Making A Traditional Service Your Own

Periodically on APW, someone accuses me of being anti-tradition, and I get really sad. I talk about how we have a church weddings section. I talk about how we have a lot of brides wearing white. I talk about how I make sure there are posts supporting whatever choices you want to make, wherever they are on the spectrum.

Then I always point out that no matter how indie our wedding looked (the hip look was partially just good photographers, partially the fact that I wore a short dress), our wedding service was very traditional. We had *the* traditional Jewish service, with lots of Hebrew, lots of God-talk, the seven blessings in their original form, the traditional vows in Hebrew, the works. When you ask our wedding guests, they will describe the service as "very traditional," but most of them also describe it as "very emotional." People seem to see those things as diametrically opposed, so what gives?

I started to see the real answer when I was talking about this with Danae in the comments. She said:

"You think APW is pro-tradition because your definition of “traditional” is something along the lines of “we thought a lot about it and decided that we wanted to echo the centuries-old tradition of our cultures and beliefs,” and when someone else defines “traditional,” they mean, “we did what everyone expected us to do."

And I was like, "OH! Right! Of course that's what I think traditional means! Of course!" and then "Oh my god, that's not what everyone else means when they say traditional? I didn't get that."

So. I thought maybe it was time to have a chat about having a really traditional ceremony (because that feels right to you) and rocking the hell out of it (because, of course!)

So first of all: traditional ceremonies do not have to be boring. Period. We need to just wipe that idea off of the face of the earth. I've seen so many brides approach planning their service by saying, "Well, it's traditional, so you know it's going to be boring and there is nothing I can do." Whenever I hear that I want to grab said bride's shoulders and shake her, and say something like, "You want a traditional service because that's part of who you are, right? So stop belittling yourself, and start seeing your amazing self-worth. Who you are is awesome. And if having a traditional ceremony is part of who you are, your traditional ceremony is going to be AWESOME." Or, in short, there is no quicker way to make a ceremony boring than to have the bride and groom think it's boring. That sort of prophecy is always self-fulfilling.

So, how do you approach a traditional wedding service and make it something that you feel like you can live inside? Continue reading Making A Traditional Service Your Own

Posted in: Ask Meg, Manifestos, Meg's Thoughts, The Ceremony, Tradition, Weddings | 168 Comments »

Sep 2010

Wedding Graduates: Kristen & Cory

This wedding graduate post is funny, in the way that sneaks up on you. Perhaps apropos of yesterday's conversation, Kristen starts the post by saying she doesn't really have that much wisdom to impart... and then proves herself to be totally wrong! What she writes really mirrors what my wedding experience was. Weddings can be crazy emotional and transformative in the ways you least expect. Another recent Team Practical bride (post coming at some future date), wrote me recently to say that getting married was so intense and gritty and real and hard, that she thought she was broken, like she had done it wrong. But ohhhhhh no. That's how it was for me too, and I think how it was for Kristen. So, I love that this post allows us to really honor the fact that weddings can include amazing circles of love, and crazy softball games, and life-changing vows... and can also leave you a sobbing snotty mess when all is said and done, because holy h*ll, that was a LOT. (PS ask wedding graduates about the sobbing breakdown. Most people will nod their head and name the day on the honeymoon when it happened.) And that doesn't mean we're broken, it just means that bride-dom is not quite what we expect it to be. And that's a blessing.

Before we begin, let me share two tiny wedding day details to help set the tone: I was wearing a sleeveless dress, and I was also sporting a fairly prominent farmer tan. I know – really! But I will also let you in on a secret: I did not care, not one little bit. I didn’t even care when some (rude) someone pointed out my two-tone arms during our cocktail hour. I wanted to shout, “Hell yes, I have a farmer tan!” My life did not get put on hold just because I was getting married. And as I get older, I’ve come to realize that in every well-lived life a little awkward tan must fall.

I do not have planning advice that hasn’t been shared here time and time again: stick to your guns, support your family. Figure out what matters to you and forget about the rest. My husband and I had a defining vision for our wedding (for us that meant smallish, somewhere rural, with a focus on fun) and discarded everything that didn’t fit. I DITed some of the things that really matter to me (like invitations and décor) because I’m crafty like that, and then we (happily) paid wedding elves to do the rest. Every penny was purposeful, well-spent and within our means - and that, in and of itself, felt fabulous and authentic and helped set the tone for the entire weekend.

Because here is one thing I can promise you – something magical and transformative will happen to you on your wedding day. It manifests itself in different ways for different people, and you cannot prepare for it. In fact, trying to prepare for it would be like trying to harness a bolt of lightening – and don’t people look silly when they try to do that? Take it from me, you just have to go with it. But since this is a Wedding Graduate post and I’m expected to offer some sort of advice, here are Five Things I Learned About Weddings from the Moments in Mine That Made My Heart Swell.

Continue reading Wedding Graduates: Kristen & Cory

Posted in: Wedding Graduates | 87 Comments »

Feb 2010

Wedding Graduate: Sarah (My Wedding Doppelganger)

Some of you will remember that last summer, I fell in love with this one wedding picture, this one blurry Holga that Heather & Jon of One Love Photo shot, more than any other wedding picture from last summer other than our own. I didn't know why, but I fell crazy crazy in love with it:

Well, it turns out this was from Sarah & Josh's wedding, the wedding Heather & Jon shot this wedding the weekend after our wedding. And it also turns out I could not have more of a wedding sister than Sarah. I mean, EVERYTHING, from hipster cowboy shirts getting ready, to jewish weddings, to wedding photographers, to blackberry desserts, to... I would say... the spirit of the thing. So of course I fell in love with the first photo I saw. Of course. So this wedding comes in two parts: first, Sarah's regular wedding graduate post with lots and lots of pictures. Second, tomorrow, Sarah's essay about wrestling with issues of sexuality and feminism during the weddings process. So here is Sarah, who realized mid-way through the planning process that she did *not* want to spend what they were planning to spend, ditched it all, and threw a party in the backyard. A party in the back yard that embodied every single important part of a wedding. It embodied why we do all this.

Continue reading Wedding Graduate: Sarah (My Wedding Doppelganger)

Posted in: Wedding Graduates | 22 Comments »

Feb 2010

Wedding Graduate: Rebecca of Princess Max

I'm thrilled to introduce Rebecca's beautiful beautiful interfaith wedding, and her wise advice. (And can we talk about her dress? I know that's a little shallow, given all the beauty at hand, but girlfriend, WOW). You can read more about Rebecca and her wedding planning at Princess Max, but now, I give you the girl herself:

Continue reading Wedding Graduate: Rebecca of Princess Max

Posted in: Wedding Graduates | 42 Comments »

Posts Tagged ‘Jewish Wedding’

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