Posts Tagged ‘New York Weddings’

Dec 2011

*Kelly Benvenuto, Administrative Coordinator and Wedding Photographer & Ian Campbell, Graduate Student*

I'm excited about Kelly's Wedding Graduate post today because it takes me straight back to my planning. It takes me back to the stress, the second guessing, the trying to get it right, and the every-stupid-choice seeming important. It takes me back to why I wrote the APW book in the first damn place. For those of you planning, this post is chock full of the best kind of advice, plus some hand holding of I've-been-there. So read, take notes, and really let yourself absorb it...

How I learned to stop worrying and love my wedding ten months later

Ten months after our wedding, I found myself crying in my husband’s arms. “But you did like our wedding, right?” I asked. OMG and WTF. How did I get to that point?

Let’s back up. I love love stories. I will admit that when I was little, I loved the Disney princesses. I loved reading Little Women and still love all things Jane Austen. So it feels natural that I’ve always loved weddings, or at least what I knew of weddings. A huge celebration of not only finding love, but committing to live a lifetime of love with another person—all while in fancy clothes and surrounded by pretty details (and I do like pretty). What could be better?

Turns out, I hated planning our wedding.

When Ian and I first got engaged, I wanted to take some time to enjoy it. If I knew what wedding planning was actually like, I would have taken longer than three weeks (do you hear that, those of you just engaged?). But, one sunny Sunday afternoon, Ian was off to work, and I decided I would just try to find a timeline or something to get me started. I was almost instantaneously sucked in to the WIC, scrolling through endless inspiration slideshows. I went to bed with all sorts of prettiness in my head and woke up at 5 a.m., a solid two hours before my alarm, feeling sick to my stomach and thinking about Martha Stewart’s suggestion of giving “a pair of pears” as a favor. WTF? Seriously? It was a bad omen of the times to come.

So much about the modern wedding seems to be about selling you something. I’m the kind of shopper that wants to look at everything before making a decision. That way I can weigh all my options and choose what is best. The WIC wants to sell you everything you might possibly need and even more that you don’t. And there are lots of people to sell it to you. And they present all these different visions of happiness that you can buy into: A hotel wedding! A beach wedding! A farm wedding! A backyard wedding! It was like a personality quiz and my choice would somehow define me. It was so completely overwhelming. While I can make a decision in a crisis, a wedding planned over a year let me look around, not make a decision, then make a decision and second (and third) guess my decision. Over and over again. And it is really hard. Two of the decisions really stand out.

We both knew we wanted to focus on friends and family, and we wanted to at least have some part of the celebration be outdoors. But that still left a lot to be determined. Ian had said that it would be most significant to him if we got married in the White Mountains of New Hampshire. I had two sick grandparents, and I knew they wouldn’t be able to travel that distance. I pushed and, as I was doing most of the planning (and boy did I resent it), decided to have the wedding in Saratoga Springs, a location that was easier to access for my grandparents. Despite all the logic on my side (equal travel distance for our parents, a home base with my sister who lived in the area, a fun destination for out-of-town guests), I felt like I never convinced Ian of the validity of my decision. The one thing I felt so sure of, and he just didn’t seem that excited.

To make up for getting “my way” on the location, I felt like I was always trying to dig myself out of a wedding hole, trying to make it live up to some mythical mountain wedding. We had our ceremony outside in a garden. We had a brunch reception (Sunday brunch was a regular thing while we dated in college). I made sure sweet tea—one of Ian’s favorite beverages—was on tap. We skipped dancing and instead played whiffle ball. All things Ian wanted—and I wanted too! But I wasn’t sure if it made up for the location. I felt guilty that I didn’t give him the one big thing he wanted.

In the morass of wedding planning, I held out hope that finding a wedding dress would be fun and easy. I had tried on a few with my mom when I was home for a visit. My favorite option was a simple but striking bridesmaid’s dress. I didn’t want to settle for the first thing I liked. (Why? I think I was holding out for the “aha” moment, or I like pain, or something.) So I tried on weddings dresses, and they were all just so much—not only expensive, but heavy and hot and overwhelming. So I tried on simpler dresses, but I worried that it was my one chance to wear a big “princess” dress, and I didn’t want to regret not going for it later.

So I bought a dress that was a little more than I wanted, because I couldn’t trust myself to know what I did want.

Continue reading Wedding Graduates: Kelly & Ian

Posted in: Wedding Graduates | 56 Comments »

Nov 2011

Wedding Graduates: Katie Jane & John

*Katie Jane, Elopement Photographer & John, Engineer at Etsy*

Today's wedding graduate post is one I've been waiting for, for a long long time. Katie Jane is a long time reader of APW who left a crazy joy filled comment from her honeymoon where she raved about her wedding and happened to mention the wedding photography business she was starting. One thing lead to another, and she's become one of APW's go-to elopement photographers in NYC. But today's post is about her wedding and, more importantly, about why we really get married and what it all means. It's about the impossible transience of our lives and why that makes the huge love of a wedding day matter. That, and the joy shining out of Our Labor of Love's pictures is absolutely palpable.

John and I got engaged on the first day of spring in 2009. We were watching TV when he turned to me and said, “Do you want to get hitched?” I thought he was kidding, “Yeah, right.” “No... seriously... do you want to get hitched?” “What? Are you serious?” He nodded. I started sobbing but somehow managed to say yes. The next day he took me out to pick a ring.

We love a good party, but we had little enthusiasm for wedding planning, so we started planning an elopement—Hawaii on our fifth anniversary: October 9, 2010. We were just going to run off and do it and it would be amazing.

Both our families were thrilled we’d decided to get married. They were not thrilled about being left out and had no problem letting us know. “Well, what if we just decide to go to Hawaii at the same time?” While John held fast, they started to get into my head. I worried I was going to be missing out on something huge.

A few months after we got engaged we were sitting on our terrace drinking beers, talking about the future. “I think I want a wedding,” I said, out of nowhere. John, who knows me so well, smiled, “I knew it was only a matter of time before our elopement became a wedding.” We talked about the good and bad of a wedding—he didn’t think “because I’m worried I’m missing out” should be our only reason for having one. We took a while to mull it over and finally came to the conclusion yes, we’d have a wedding, but we’d do it on our terms. And so it began.

Deciding to have a wedding didn’t make us suddenly interested in wedding planning. We decided to do it together, to prioritize what was important and not worry about the rest, to go with our instincts, and if something didn’t come together... oh well.

I designed our save the dates, invitations, menus, and programs myself. We had a friend who is an awesome DJ and booked him about a year before our wedding at a much lower cost than a typical New York City DJ. Our photographers gave us a deal on their travel expenses because they were already scheduled to be in New York City that weekend anyway. Since I could not have cared less about flowers or centerpieces, when John’s aunt offered to hire a florist, I told her to go for it. I wanted fall colors, but other than that, I didn’t care what anything looked like. (Giving up control and letting John’s aunt do that for us was one of the best decisions we made.) I found the perfect shoes for $20 online. A close family friend agreed to become ordained and officiate our wedding, so we didn’t have to have someone we didn’t know marrying us. Everything was coming together perfectly. Until it wasn’t. Continue reading Wedding Graduates: Katie Jane & John

Posted in: Wedding Graduates | 46 Comments »

Oct 2011

1980 Vintage Wedding: Dan & Reiko

Today's vintage wedding (vintage weddings, by the way, are among my favorite things) is from the parents of Elissa of Elissa R. Photo in Austin, TX (APW Sponsor). The fact that Elissa is the spitting image of, well, both of her parents, only makes this a happier read for me. Dan and Reiko's wedding has all the hallmarks of current international weddings (some things change, other things never do), with multiple ceremonies stretched out over time. But it also speaks of a time when doing it simply was a little easier, and it points to what's really important—the marriage.

Reiko and I met in suburban Minneapolis in the Fall of 1971, about two months after she arrived in the United States from her native Japan as a Rotary Exchange Student. During this time, we met regularly and experienced High School together. We couldn't call it dating because she was on an exchange program and the sponsor forbade it, but together we shivered through ski-jump meets, downhill skiing, and other outdoor winter activities.

I made my first trip to Japan in 1973. At 19-years-old, looking over the waters of Lake Chuzenjitoward Nantai-yama, we talked about our future together. To my proposal, she did not say yes. But most importantly, she did not say no. For seven years, we courted. I made several trips to Japan; Reiko made several trips here. We exchanged a few dozen letters (it took almost a week for even an airmail letter to arrive). In the end, both Reiko and her family agreed that we could marry, so she bought a one-way ticket on Pan Am's nonstop flight from Tokyo to New York where I was living and working at the time.

I met Reiko at JFK Customs and we drove into the city to my very tiny apartment in a huge sky-scraper across the street from a large hospital. Neither of us was hungry. She was jet lagged; I was tired. We had a simple but meaningful talk over a cup of very bad instant coffee. We now celebrate that date (it is engraved in our rings) as the day we began our lives together and forever.

Some weeks after our commitment to each other, we asked my mother's uncle to meet us at the New York County (Manhattan) Marriage Bureau where we were legally married by a judge. A passer-by in one of the corridors outside the Judge's office used my 6x6 camera to make a photo record of us as we looked that day since photos weren't allowed in Chamber. With the time-clocked and signed marriage license safely stored in an envelope, my great-uncle took the train home to New Jersey and we took a subway up-town. Continue reading 1980 Vintage Wedding: Dan & Reiko

Posted in: Wedding Graduates | 30 Comments »

Sep 2011

Wedding Graduates: Becky & Etan

It's hard to tell if it's the New Yorker in me that loves today's wedding (Shake Shack! Madison Square Park! A BBQ place I used to frequent!), or the Jewish convert in me that loves it... or if I just love it because it's so exactly right. Becky talks about how you won't remember the details, but you do have to fight for what's authentic for you. And that's why I still write this website, passionately, two years after our own wedding. Because I believe in weddings and the way they usher us through something fierce and powerful. But regardless, this could not be a more perfect wedding to usher everyone back to work after Labor Day. And now, Becky herself:

Being married has been so wonderful in itself, I almost hate to go back and dwell on the details of the wedding. So I won't, but I do want to say a little bit about how it felt, the spirit of it all, and what I remember of the blurry beautiful weekend.

Our wedding was the culmination of seven years of getting to know each other, one and a half years of engagement, and over a year of being wed in the eyes of the civil government. It also celebrated my conversion to Judaism, and the joining of our families and our cultures (I'm apple-pie American with roots in Pittsburgh and Alabama, he's Jewish with roots in Morocco and Scranton). But mostly, it was a celebration of two people who were madly in love and so excited to begin their lives together they just couldn't keep it inside!

Our wedding represented "us" perfectly. The best compliment we heard afterwards from numerous people was how authentic it felt. We had originally booked a lovely waterfront Italian restaurant in Jersey City. It would have been nice, just nice, and we were mainly just thrilled that a place was booked. Then we went to see a friend's band play in the basement bar of Hill Country, a TX-style BBQ joint in Manhattan. Done and done.

We re-booked, upset some traditional-loving family members in the meantime, and searched ravenously for a ceremony space. Good thing Manhattan has parks. Continue reading Wedding Graduates: Becky & Etan

Posted in: Wedding Graduates | 23 Comments »

Sep 2011

Wordless Wedding: Aaron & Cory

* Aaron (web developer) & Cory (programmer) * Photographer: Fedorov Foto (APW Sponsor) * Soundtrack for reading: Somewhere Over The Rainbow, on strings * A Yay New York wedding *

The Sponsors—Planning, Queen of All: Lowe House Events (SF) / Sponsor Manager & Photographer: Emily Takes Photos (SF) / Venue: 320 Studios / Graphic Design: AndKathleen / Photography: Fedorov Foto (NYC) / Planning & Logistics: Lowbrow Events (New England), The Handmade Event (NYC) / General Helpers: Amber, Lauren / Printing: Yes Press (SF) / Officiant: Cheerleader for Love / Piñata: Confetti System / Cake: Hart & Sol Photography / Popsicles: LaNewYorkina / Wine: Monogamy & PromisQous / DJ: Whitney Day

What happened: After our wedding in New York, it is hard to believe that we could ever plan a wedding on our own. From the photography to the wedding cake to the crazy dance party, it's hard to imagine how we could have pulled it all off. People we had never met until arriving in New York went out of their way, volunteering their time and effort, in order to make our wedding the best it could ever be. We're extremely fortunate to have a supportive family and lots of volunteers that seemed to be just as excited as we were to be tying the knot. Our officiant was very helpful, communicative and supportive, making sure we were comfortable with the ceremony. The entire time, Elizabeth and Meg were making sure everyone, including our family, was as happy as possible.

Later that evening we arrived to the Yay New York party and soon realized that my brother had donated a beautiful ice sculpture for the party. Shortly after we got there, readers of A Practical Wedding began to arrive and congratulate us. This was a little surreal, but very encouraging as the night went on. Here we had total strangers who were so excited that we could publicly recognize our love for each other. As the night went on and many glasses of delicious Monogamy Wine later, we danced, went into the photobooth multiple times and busted open the pinata filled with glitter. It didn't quite sink in until we got back home to Chicago and opened up all the congratulations cards from all the readers, sobbing as we read each one aloud to each other.

Once again, we'd like to thank everyone who made our wedding such a success. You'll all be part of our lives for many years to come.

Posted in: Events, LGBTQ Weddings, Parties, Wedding Graduates, Wordless Weddings | 22 Comments »

Sep 2011

Wedding (Half) Grads: Leanne & Anne

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for: Leanne and Anne's wedding (half) graduate post. The ladies (as we've taken to calling them around these parts), are getting married in just three weeks in Philadelphia, and they'll come back with the end of the story then. But for now, they talk about the personal and political nature of Yay New York, what it felt like, what they learned, and what they have to say to you, the APW community. You might want to get out your tissues. But what I have to say to Leanne and Anne is simple: thank you for trusting us. They took a leap of blind faith; we told them the wedding would be amazing, they just had to show up. Not many people would put such an important moment in our hands like that, but they did, and I'm still overwhelmed by the honor. Photos are by the amazing calin + bisous photo (APW Sponsor) out of Boston, who along with her husband Alessandro, outdid herself. Enjoy.

Now that we’re into our first whole week of married life, we’ve had a chance to reflect on what we are calling our first wedding, but which many of you know as Yay New York! Our experience of this day has been so hard to put into words because it was such a multilayered day. Emotions, politics, family, legalities, rings, community, confetti, logistics, history, promises, and the love that we have for each other and felt from every person in that room and every person who was following along on APW were all layered up on top of each other like that beautiful, delicious cake that was made with such care for us by a person we’d never met. This has been very difficult for us to write, but we are going to try to sum up our experience for you.

Our day started off rocky. Our bus from Philadelphia to New York was late due to a turnpike accident, and while we waited we were drenched in a torrential downpour. Our suitcases, including our fancy wedding clothes were soaked, and so were we as we sat on a freezing cold bus for the two hour drive to New York.

We were anxious to be starting our wedding day late and soggy, but we made it to our hotel with just enough time to take a hot shower and blow dry our clothes. (Our weekend didn’t end any more glamorously, as we were run out of town by Irene who ended the mini-moon early with evacuations and public transportation shut downs instead of a nice dinner and a Broadway show.) When we arrived at 320 Studios with our families, it was a whirlwind of activity—flowers, cameras, people who were familiar and strangers all at once, piñatas, string trios, cake, aisles to walk down, excited family, introductions, rainy day light streaming through the windows, marriage licenses to sign. It was all so much to take in, and it still is.

I don’t think that the impact of last Thursday really hit us until it was over, and it sinks in a bit more each day. Now that the excitement has settled, we are starting to appreciate the scope of what happened. We had a general sense of the forecast and what to expect—walk down an aisle, say a vow, exchange some rings, and you’re married! That’s it! People have been married for centuries, weddings happen every day. But this was no typical wedding. We had no hand in planning it—we’ve been talking over every detail of our Philly wedding. We had no idea how beautiful the space would be, that we’d walk down an aisle hand in hand while a string trio played, what it would be like to see Anne’s mom happily ring bells as we were pronounced married by our officiant—these were all surprises for us however well planned and thought out they were by those carrying them out.

Our wedding was atypical, too, because we were going to be married not once, like most people aim to do, but twice! Last Thursday was our first wedding in New York to make it legal, and on September 25th we’ll have our second wedding in Philadelphia with our families to seal it with love. We knew that our New York wedding would have a major impact on us because of the legal contract we’d be entering with each other. It had an impact because rather than it being a private event shared with just our closest friends and families, we were experiencing it in the moment with all of you. But the biggest impact of what we did was that we made history—our own personal history, APW history, New York history, and gay rights history.

To be married in New York was exciting and deeply satisfying in a way we didn’t anticipate. Our legal wedding has brought with it a profound sense of gratitude and gravity. At the same time, however, it left us feeling a little hollow because we know that the commitment we made to each other last week is not honored throughout our country, nor in our home state. We live two short hours away from New York, but here in Pennsylvania we’re a lot farther away from marriage equality.

Continue reading Wedding (Half) Grads: Leanne & Anne

Posted in: Events, LGBTQ Weddings, Parties, Wedding Graduates | 32 Comments »

Posts Tagged ‘New York Weddings’

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