** Please do not Pin, re-post or otherwise share images of this wedding in any form. The images are copyrighted, and not available for distribution.**I didn't write the traditional wedding blog re-caps of our wedding. Why? Because no one needs that much detail about one day of my life... including me. But shortly after our wedding I wrote a little bit about each part of the day. What happened, what I wanted to remember, how it felt. I wanted to have it to look back on for years and years, and because this community made me braver and more of myself on my wedding day than I ever could have been on my own, I wanted to share a bit with you. So. Some moments, with pictures. - Meg Continue reading Getting Ready (With Lots of Grins)
Posts Tagged ‘Our wedding’
- The evil twin to the wedding f*ck it moment, is the wedding moment no one ever mentions in polite company. It's the "I'm going to f*cking kill you all moment." Very common really. I had mine at our rehearsal, right at the beginning of the picnic. First of all, I have literally *never* been to a wedding rehearsal where the bride didn't end up looking like she'd rather jump off a high dive into an empty pool rather then continue the rehearsal for one more minute. The internet is filled with pictures of blushing brides joyfully gliding through their rehearsals as if floating on a cloud of peace and light, but as David always points out to me, "Those brides have PLANNERS." Right. So there I was trying to walk through our relatively complicated service, yell just loud so everyone could hear me in this crazy enormous space, try to get everyone to be quiet so we could hurry through, and cope with the fact that my entire family wasn't there rehearsal because they had gotten horribly lost. And then, ladies and gentleman, someone rolled their eyes at me. And I sort of lost my sh*t. And two seconds later, I realized this was a bad bad plan, I turned to Kate-stage-manager-of-wonder, said, "its yours" walked to the back of the rehearsal and shut my mouth. Why am I telling you about my least-proud wedding moment? Well, because, first of all I wanted to let you know that I'm human so if you're human too, we're cool. And second, because I firmly believe that having a welcome picnic allowed me to have my required "I'm going to f*cking kill you all" moment EARLY, and be totally chill and loving on our wedding day.
I, despite everyone's best efforts (which for the record, I really appreciated), wore shoes I already had. Clarification: I wore fabulous shoes I already had. My shoes were broken in, I knew I liked them, and they were shiny. What more can you ask for? Continue reading The Dreaded Shoe Post (Sort of)
- When people ask you if "you might regret such and such a choice..." say no. And move on. Because if you make a choice that is authentic to who you and your partner are, I can emphatically tell you that you won't regret it. Period.
- Gut-check. By the week before the wedding, I was making all my decisions by instantaneous gut-check, "What seems right for us? Ok, done," no second guessing. It's easy to loose track of this during the planning process, but if you're not sure about something, check your gut, and then go with it. I think your gut is where your heart lives.
- Keeping people on a need-to-know basis is fine sometimes. It's not just that it's easier to apologize than to ask permission, but that people will be so caught up in the joy of your wedding day that little things that might worry them before hand won't bother them at all on the day of.
- Learn how to kindly but firmly say no. If you know deep down that something is just not right for you, be kind but firm, it will save you endless heartache in the end. Maybe you learn this in wedding planning because its the single best preparation for adult life that there is.
- It's ok to cry. I wasn't always explicit about this on the blog, but I found wedding planning to be a difficult at times. It was also one of the great learning experiences of my life, but frankly, learning sort of blows sometimes. The thing about weddings is they are this complex mix of families, friendship, faith, values, aesthetics, cultural assumptions, other peoples expectations, and oh yeah, love. So while weddings often bring out the best in people, sometimes they bring out the worst. I can admit now that I spent more than one night in the planning process crying myself to sleep. And I wasn't crying because my flowers didn't match my linens, I was crying because of Big Life Issues the wedding brought up. So if Big Life Issues come up when your planning, let yourself cry and work through them. Its not silly, it means that you're grappling with important things in a major life transition.
- Share it with your partner. Saying, "It's your partner's day too," has become cliche in progressive wedding circles, but it's true. But let me say this: your partner might not care about or think about the wedding in the same way you do, and that's a good thing. This is probably one of the first really huge projects you take on with your partner, so work on modeling the same collaboration and respect that you'd like to see when you take on other projects together, like say, raising children or buying a house. And yes, if you are fiery like we are, you'll yell at each other a bit too, which is So. Normal.
- Find a way to keep yourself grounded. One of the things I wish I'd realized going into wedding weekend is that your wedding is not a totally free pass. Family tensions will still be family tensions, someone will get stressed and yell, and that person who always acts a little weird at parties may act a little weird. But the bottom line is, for one weekend none of it is your problem. Let it go, move on, stay grounded. For me this was one biggest challenges of the weekend, but also the most spiritually rewarding.
- Focus on the Ceremony. Sometimes the ceremony gets lost in the shuffle, because it's not pretty, or because it's emotionally complicated. But this is why everyone is there, this is how it all starts, and this is what changes you forever. No matter how traditional or non-traditional you want your ceremony to be, think about it, talk about it, and make sure it feels like it's yours. Make sure you both feel like you can live inside it, as your truest selves.
- Show Up. When the ceremony starts, you need to be THERE. Even if it makes you sob, even if it makes you laugh, even if someone just yelled at you, even if something major just went wrong. Be fully present, because you only get to live this once.
- Lead your guests by your example. (This is the single best piece of wedding advice I have): When you're planning, you spend a lot of time worrying about which choices will matter, and which choices will not. Well, it turns out that the thing that will shape your wedding day the most is free: your attitude. If you are joyful, present, and relaxed your guests will follow your lead.
- Get. A. Wedding. Stage Manager. You can't be in charge the day of the wedding, no, no, no. Get someone else to be in charge of the organizational details, even if they just take your cell phone from you as you walk up the courthouse steps. Lots of people will tell you that this means you need to hire someone to run the day of, but you don't. Having a friend manage our weekend made us able to bliss out, and it filled the day with a depth of care and joy that we could never have bought.
- Honeymoon (right after the wedding), if you can. By honeymoon, I mean find a way to get away from your regular life for a bit, which could mean a staycation or a big trip. I firmly believe that a inexpensive honeymoon right away is more important then saving for something lavish later. Honeymoons are magic things, and you have the rest of your lives for great vacations. Honeymoons give you and your partner some time to absorb the enormity of what happened, to replenish yourself, and to just be in a giddy bubble of joy together. And do what you want. We went on a big adventure, when everyone thought we should lie on the beach. Trust me, you'll be able to bliss out *anywhere* afterwards.
- And finally, remember the FUN. About 80% of wedding media, both online and in print focuses on aesthetics. And caring about aesthetics is great, up to a point. Make things authentic, make sure they feel like you... and then think about having fun. No one has ever left a wedding saying, "That party was so fun! Did you see the hand lettering on the favors??" No. At a great party, no one even notices the favors because they are so busy dancing/drinking/chatting/catching up/feeling overjoyed for the wedding couple/laughing/eating/telling stories/making memories. And remember, having fun isn't complicated (We're playing twister! We're doing a scavenger hunt!) It's easy. It's good people, good conversation, maybe some good food and wine, maybe some music, and two people who love each other joining their lives together. I know our wedding was successful because I keep accidentally referring to our reception as 'the party.' Remember when we danced to that song at the party? Remember that joke someone made at the party? And you know what? It was the best party I've ever been to.
By the same token, the huge-ness of the day is why I fall into the camp of, 'I loved our wedding, but I don't ever want to do it again.' The wedding was so important, that doing it twice would make it less powerful. And it was so emotional that I want to remember it, I don't want to re-live it. The next big party we have, I'm ready to go right to the eating and dancing.
Continue reading Huge.
But. I am on and off weepy with gratitude: for our amazing friends, for our families, for the unbelievable love surrounding us on our wedding day, for our newlywedded bliss,* for our amazing honeymoon adventures, and for the torrent of love and thoughtfulness and care that you all showed in these comments. Teary. Overwhelmed. Grateful. For all of it.
And to tide you over, here are some lovely words on what it was like to be a guest at our wedding, which is a perspective I just don't have.
Continue reading Weepy. Wonderful.