Posts Tagged ‘Outdoor Weddings’

*Lesley & Jason*

I remember when I was wedding planning, so many of the blogs I read warned about the depression that might settle in after the day is over. They suggested that I would miss the party planning, the looking forward to something big, or the feeling like the center of attention. So while I was prepared for any one of these emotions to hit me after the wedding, what I didn’t expect was that going back to work the next week (y’all, don’t be like me. Take a honeymoon. I don’t care if it’s in your own living room) would leave me with a much deeper sense of longing. Our wedding was such a joyful experience that when it was over, all I could do was pine for a life that resembled even a fraction of the joy we felt surrounded by our friends and family on the day itself. And it bummed me out for a long time before I figured out what was going on. Which is why Lesley & Jason’s grad post hit me so hard when I first read it. Because it’s all of those feelings I experienced at the time, called out by name, and then set to action. And it’s damned inspiring. 

—Maddie

I got married on the last day of September. At that moment, I was two days shy of living with my partner for seven years. We owned a home. We cared for a dog and three cats. One of these cats was diagnosed with kidney disease while we were planning our wedding. We struggled to change his food and give him subcutaneous fluids. I started working for my family business during our engagement, which was difficult. My husband got promoted and moved to a new location at his job during our engagement. It was a time of great upheaval and change.

Despite all of the chaos, we planned a wedding and it came together like a work of art. I loved it. It was, cliché as it sounds, the best day of my life thus far. There were many surprising moments. We were prepared to feel different about each other. I didn’t know how we might feel different, but I was excited for the change. Even if it felt worse at first, I was excited because I was going to feel different! I had explored many of the ways we might feel different. We talked about the possibility of feeling different endlessly. Weird family of origin dynamics could come into play! We could have ideas about being or having a husband or wife we buried so deep we weren’t even aware of having such ideas! We might feel closer and more connected! Anything could happen!

Except, nothing of that sort happened.

I felt exactly the same. A friend at the wedding noted that we were just having a party to celebrate our relationship because we had already made our commitment long ago. When he said this, I knew it was true. I had set out to plan a meaningful ceremony. People were gonna cry and I was gonna sob. I knew it! I ended up with a thoughtful but humorous ceremony. I did not cry, despite being a person who cries almost daily at some point while listening to NPR. Some people told me later they teared up a little during some of the readings, but it wasn’t the no dry eye in the house scenario I imagined.

Part of me was annoyed. I had that commitment moment that people speak of happening on their wedding day earlier in my relationship and I missed it. How did I possibly miss such a profound moment? I had no idea when this moment could have occurred. I literally did not even know where to start in terms of looking for this moment, and even though it was probably a series of moments, I felt that a least one of those moments should stand out.

There was a seed of change planted the day of our wedding. Here’s the rub, the change wasn’t about my relationship to my husband; it was about my relationship to myself. Continue reading Wedding Graduates: Lesley & Jason