Posts Tagged ‘Wedding With Kids’

Jul 2011

Wedding Graduates: Holly & Chris, Part 1

Today's wedding graduate post is in two amazing parts. It's the story of balancing an elopement with family needs, of a simple last minute at home wedding service, and of the sweeping vistas of Yosemite. It's about amazing photography and simple intimate loving moments. So let's start Holly's story (Holly is, by the way, an excellent photographer in her own right) on a farm in Florida, with her family gathered round. Here is The Wedding Day, Part I:

This is the story of how we ended up getting married twice in one week. Once on a family farm in Florida and the next in the middle of a valley in Yosemite. Two weddings never was part of the plan - that would just be crazy! But that’s how it ended up happening. And we wouldn’t change a thing.

Chris warned me within the first twenty minutes after I accepted his proposal that our wedding would have to include “everybody or nobody.” He comes from a large family, has never been married, and has tons of friends, so naturally everybody wanted to celebrate with him. Our main concern was how on earth we would pay for such a soiree. In talking about the type of wedding we envisioned, we both imagined having a more practical affair. So that’s what we set out to have...

A widowed mother of a preschooler, I am currently working as a self-employed photographer and he is a marine biologist...which basically means we’re not at risk of being wealthy anytime soon. But we are very much in love and were determined to have the wedding of our dreams within our budget, which was essentially nothing. Working in the wedding industry, I knew what things cost and how quickly things add up.

I made budgets, spreadsheets and guests lists for seven different weddings, and for one reason or another none of them would work. Wedding planning was taking away from time that I should have been spending with my young daughter and when I should have been up editing other people’s weddings or sleeping at night.

Frustrations grew and every day elopement looked to be a better option. Finally, one day, we used our airline miles to book two tickets to California and announced to our families that we were going to elope in Yosemite seven months later. The announcement was met with a mixture of happiness and disappointment. Happiness because they knew that was what we wanted, and disappointment because everyone wanted to be there to share in our day with us.

As the time grew closer, our families had a harder time talking about our wedding. I knew in my gut that I would never forgive myself for saying “I do” without my daughter, Charlotte, who Chris is going to adopt, there with us. And I knew that our families, though they would never say it, would always be hurt that they weren’t there to see us. I wanted Charlotte to hold our hands as we promised our lives together as a family. And I had no idea what we were supposed to do about it at that point. The idea of bringing her with us on a plane to California and then dragging her along for ten days sounded absolutely miserable and was out of the question. Continue reading Wedding Graduates: Holly & Chris, Part 1

Posted in: Wedding Graduates | 35 Comments »

Jul 2011

Wedding Graduates: Melody & Eric

Today's post is about what really matters. And I don't mean that in a wedding-y way, like, "The vows mattered but the favors didn't." I mean that in an absolute way. It's about love and loss. It's about being brave enough to find your heart again. It's about being brave enough to face how scared and sad you actually are... and moving forward anyway. And yes, it's about what matters at a wedding, too: it's about grinning, family, and love. Not just the love between two people, but the greater love that holds us up every day.

“I dreamed I ruined your wedding. You weren’t mad, but you were very disappointed. I’ll explain the rest after I get there. It was…complicated. ” This was the call I received from my sister the day before my wedding.

She was right. The dream was quite involved and included things like heavy machinery, an aisle runner fashioned from crushed pretzels, and hiking through the woods during a thunderstorm in.my.wedding.dress. It made her forgetting to bring my brooch bouquet the next day pale in comparison. But I’ll get to that later.

I never thought I’d get married again. I know lots of people say that, but I meant it. I was married once before. It wasn’t good; I’ll leave it at that. And it lasted way too long, but that’s how long it took for me to realize I didn’t have to remain there…that it was okay to end it. Hey, I’m a Virgo, we over-analyze everything. But even after the bad marriage, I wasn’t totally soured on the idea. Cut to a few years later and I was engaged. This time it was great. We started out as friends, had common interests, and even kept things going during a multi-year long distance stint. Then, just after we got engaged, he up and died on me.

Have you ever seen tapes of those football players hit simultaneously by two people from different directions? The ones who fly up into the air, limbs flailing like a rag doll and you’re left wondering if they’ll ever eat solid foods again? Yeah. Combine that with a sucker punch to the gut and jumping into an icy river naked, and you have a small idea of how it felt.

I crawled into a deep, dark hole. It took therapy, meds, and some very good friends to pull me back out. But even then, I didn’t date. I didn’t even think about dating. I worked. I rode my bike. I continued breathing. I deflected well-meaning friends who tried to set me up with nice guys. I immersed myself in school, work, and schoolwork. And slowly, I began to heal.

And years later, out of the blue, I met Eric. He was the shy friend of a friend who didn’t know anyone at the party except our host. I talked to him and made a point to introduce him to others. We kept gravitating back to each other. At the end of the night, I told him it was great to meet him and he should come around more often.

He showed up the next weekend. And the next. It just evolved from there and all those protective walls I built slowly crumbled away. He eventually proposed, and after he nixed my elopement proposal, we started planning our wedding. I got a dress. I searched for a site we could afford. I found APW. I bought him a ring. And then the past came crashing in on me. Continue reading Wedding Graduates: Melody & Eric

Posted in: Wedding Graduates | 43 Comments »

May 2011

Vintage Wedding: Linda & Bill, 1979

Today's vintage wedding comes courtesy of Kristy of Moodeous Photography's parents. I don't know what it is about these decades old weddings that makes me cry like a baby, but they do. And this one did particularly. So if you're in your cubicle, be wary of the tears. And without further ado, Kristy's lovely parents, on their wedding day 32 years ago:

Linda had chosen Bill long before they even spoke. She was a member of the EMT squad in her hometown and he was a firefighter. She had spotted him on the job out on calls and noticed that he was a pretty handsome specimen. So she set out to meet this fella with the help of her friends. Assisted by a boyfriend (ex? the details are murky) who recruited my father onto the EMT squad and then by another friend who fixed the schedule so their duties would overlap, my mom laid the ground work for their marriage. But as my Dad describes it, he wasn't an unsuspecting victim. While a fireman, he recalls, "There was this one call on 232 with an overturned truck and gray matter all over the road where I saw this beautiful blond..." He became an EMT shortly thereafter.

They won't elaborate much on the proposal (and probably with good reason), but I do know three things: 1) My father did not ask his father in law for my mother's hand, 2) There was no ring accompanying the proposal, because my father *ahem* had no pockets at the time, and 3) My mother said yes.

My parents were married on Friday March 23, 1979 at 5pm in my mother's parent's home. 75 people were in attendance and I'm told it's a wonder the old farm house floors didn't fall through the way they creaked and groaned. My mother told my Grandfather she'd only invited 60 guests so he wouldn't get upset and refuse to hold the wedding at his aging home.

My mother had been married once before in a much more elaborate affair involving a church, a much fancier dress, a sit down dinner and closer to 100 people. From her previous marriage, she also had a 9 year old son, my brother Dan, who was adopted by my father and incorporated into the wedding day. Dan walked my mom down the aisle and gave her away. It's one of my favorite photos from their wedding day. Continue reading Vintage Wedding: Linda & Bill, 1979

Posted in: Uncategorized | 50 Comments »

Jan 2011

Wedding Graduates: Marian & Wade

Last week, Marian kicked off this years discussion of marriage by broaching a subject not often discussed on the wedding blogs - being an unwed mother. But it gets even better than that, because today she's back as a wedding grad. Marian discusses something really near and dear to my heart here - marriage and timing. I've had a number of friends who felt pressure, for one reason or another, to rush down the aisle. And even if they were marring someone really good for them, if they got married when they were not ready to make the leap... they didn't do themselves any favors. It takes a brave woman to wait till she's good and ready (especially with a kid in tow). So today we have Marian, talking about how she did just that. And, um, if her pictures don't make the case for getting married when your kid is tiny and adorable, I don't know what does.

Our wedding was a long time coming, and by standard convention we did things backward. We’ve been together for six years, we had a child unexpectedly early on, and we were engaged for three years. Well, I say to h*ll with standard convention. In an effort to do what was right for us we stuck to our guns and waited until we were ready to get married. Marriage is a big, huge, and often scary commitment that should not be taken lightly, even if you are absolutely sure you want to marry the person you’re with.

(I had panic attacks about getting married because I’m incredibly indecisive and terrified of making the wrong choice!) So we spent three years, with several false starts, deciding when was the right time for us and what we wanted our wedding to be.

I think the years long off and on planning helped give me the perspective to make the choices to have the kind of wedding that was meaningful for us, rather than what convention said we should do. By the time it came around to actually plan the wedding I realized that the things I envisioned and wanted had changed from my original image.

Continue reading Wedding Graduates: Marian & Wade

Posted in: Reclaiming Wife, Wedding Graduates | 37 Comments »

Jan 2011

Unwed Mothers, or Why I waited five years to marry after I had my kid

A few months ago, this email on being an unwed mother popped into my email. Marion found herself unexpectedly pregnant in college, and only recently married her partner (and her son's father). I thought her musings about 'why marriage,' and maybe more importantly 'why NOT marriage,' were a great way to start the year here at APW. Because weddings are beautiful and joyous, but they are at their best when the couple has really thought through why they are choosing the institution of marriage (legal or not). So with that, I give you Marion (and heck yes, her wedding graduate post is coming next week!):

I was reading through some of the older entries under Reclaiming Wife and I came across this post about Marriage Ambivalence. Part of it really struck a chord with me, the part where Meg talks about how many of her friends have children and have never married their partners.

I wanted to talk about this, because it reminded me a bit of my situation.

When I was 23, not even a year into dating my now husband, I became pregnant unexpectedly. I was a senior in college, completely broke, and dealing with a lot of my own personal things like depression and ADHD. I had known my husband for about two years before we started dating, and we were very very good friends. In fact, he was one of my best friends. The pregnancy came as a surprise, and we spent days talking and deliberating and reviewing options and reviewing ourselves in an effort to make the absolute best decision for us. We did not seek advice from friends or family, we did not want their input or advice. We didn't want to feel shamed or pressured into making one decision or another, and so we came to the decision on our own. We decided to keep our child. It was one of the best decisions we have ever made. Even though we didn't even know for sure if we would stay together for the duration, though we were fairly certain at the time. Even though we were both young and broke and totally uncertain of our future. I spent my senior year of college carrying a life and preparing to bring a child into the world. In an instant my priorities and outlook had shifted. I no longer had time to be depressed or unfocused. I couldn't afford to be childish and selfish. I couldn't go to parties with my friends, but suddenly it didn't matter any more.

I told my sister first, over lunch, and she was so amazing and supportive and helped me gather the courage to tell my parents. My mother's immediate reaction was a slightly irritated "Why am I not surprised?" However, she warmed up to it and was also became very supportive. My best friend was amazing, she already had a daughter of two. Wade's parents were so thrilled I could hear them gleefully shouting through the phone. It surprised me how different our family's reactions were, but maybe it shouldn't have. We come from very different cultural backgrounds and had very different experiences growing up.

I finished college and got my degree. When I was eight months pregnant we moved to a different city and started a new life. Connor was born on September 15, 2005 and he was the most amazing thing.

When he was only a few months old I was visiting my family and talk of weddings and marriage came up. Wade and I were not yet engaged, though we had talked about it. We were sure it was going to happen, we just didn't know when. We weren't quite ready to make that commitment to each other, even though we knew we wanted to. Continue reading Unwed Mothers, or Why I waited five years to marry after I had my kid

Posted in: Friends & Relations, Reclaiming Wife, The Hard Stuff | 48 Comments »

May 2010

Wedding Graduates: Lyndal and Stephen (with cheering from Leo)

Oh, today's wedding. What to say? It contains the cutest 'just married' picture I have ever seen. It reminds you what weddings are about in the first place - forming a new family, celebrating with your greater family, laughter, tears, joy. It reminds you that it doesn't really matter if everything is cute and blog-worthy and detailed, because in the end you are never going to pour over the pictures of the wedding stuff you had, you're going to pour over the pictures of the wedding love you had. And just when this all sounds too sweet to be true, it reminds you that part of planning a wedding is growing into your role as a fully-fledged, fully-recognized grown-up in your community, and coming into the power of your ability to say NO! Because I swear to you on everything, saying yes to things that are not right for you will end up more painful, than just biting the bullet and kindly but firmly said, "No way." And with that, I leave you with a thank you letter, written to this community:

Dear Meg and Team Practical,

I wasn't sure about writing a wedding graduate post, because our wedding planning experience was so easy and stress-free that I didn't want to make other people who are already stressed feel any more stressed about how other people have lovely stress-free weddings. But I did want to let you know that these weddings really do happen and why our wedding was like this.

To be honest, it boils down to Team Practical and all the wise couples who have shared their experiences. I wanted to share our story as a huge thank you, but also as evidence of the impact your blog and blog community is having on people like me. Continue reading Wedding Graduates: Lyndal and Stephen (with cheering from Leo)

Posted in: Wedding Graduates | 45 Comments »