Groom Guest Post: The Other Point of View

David here, the “better half” at chez practical. I have been asked, well maybe more persuasively requested, to write a guest blog from the other-gendered point-of-view. I’ve been racking my brain trying to come up with something to write for this first guest blog and decided that it may be best to use my insights into the male mind to aid you all along in the happiest day of YOUR life.

Which brings me to my point: It’s not the happiest day in your life. There are many reasons for this. First, I hope to God, for the sake of each and every one of you, that your wedding does not end up being the happiest day in your life. Children, grandchildren, promotions, hell, even a great vacation – these should be the happiest days in your life. The point – they’re well ahead of you, perhaps somewhere around the age of 45 (and if you ARE 45, let’s say 75). Most importantly, though, and I know that the industry is myopically unaware of this fact, there is another person there: Your Groom (my apologies to my LGBT friends for this gendered post).

I know, sometimes he doesn’t seem to be listening as you tell him about the great dress you just saw online. But let me just remind you that sometimes you do this in the middle of something he’s watching on tv. But trust me, he’s interested. But here’s the sticky part, he’s not interested in every detail. Think “He’s just not into you”, with “you” replaced by fill-in-the-blank (flowers, placecards, centerpieces). Let me repeat this for the back of the room, he’s not interested. No, this doesn’t mean he secretly-has-an-opinion-but-he-
is-afraid-to-say-it. I have this conversation all the time with Meg – sometimes my mind is a blank slate of opinion.** No amount of sitting down and reflecting on my feelings is going to change that. It’s done. There’s nothing there. Live with it.

But just because he’s not interested in all the details, doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about the wedding reflecting both of your tastes. For example, I put down my foot: No Pastels! I can’t stand the flowery, poofy, pastelly “romantic” look. And you know what? If I really can’t stand it, it shouldn’t be in the wedding. I want to be able to look back at pictures of my wedding day and think that the lack of pale blue/light pink color combinations was because it was OUR wedding, and not just my partner’s.

So just like you need to sit down with your parents and ask them what they feel is important (because it’s not just the collective YOUR day, it’s partly their day too), ask your partner. If it’s only one thing, your job is easy. If it’s more, listen to the reasons. If there are no reasons, don’t push. Sometimes there are no reasons. The male mind is one big Id sometimes, and that’s ok.

**Note from Meg: It’s just that I can’t imagine not having a opinion about something. Heck, if I don’t care, I make up a opinion just so I can have a point of view. One of the many reasons I’m a DELIGHT, I tell you!

Picture: What David secretly dreams our wedding will look like. Or did he say it was his nightmare? Can’t remember. From here.

Heidi & Gerhard’s Lighthouse Wedding

If I could only have one lofty goal for this website, it would be that I would help make small and simple weddings fashionable again.

There are a million places publishing the worlds expensive weddings, and the message is clear! If we were willing to spend a $100K on our wedding, we could make it amazing(ly expensive). But today I have another great example of a small, simple, affordable wedding that was everything you could wish for and more.
Heidi and Gerhard got married at the Point Bonita Lighthouse in Sausalito California, which is still a working lighthouse (squeal! hand clapping!) I see this lighthouse everyday from my walk, and I am totally in love with it.
At the very beginning of the service, all 20 guests introducing ourselves to one another, to show that they were there not just as guests, but as a loving community of support for the marriage. Then everyone stood in a semi circle around Heidi & Gerhard, facing the Golden Gate Bridge. Their friend performed the ceremony, and they had a few other friends do readings.
How adorable is this picture? It captures the rustic beauty of the surroundings, and the simple joy of the day. The couple had their friend Emily take the stunning photographs.
After the wedding, everyone went to To in Sausalito for a celebratory meal. The next day, the couple hosted a reception for 70 people at home, with simple food, wine, and lots of swing dancing.
I love simple weddings so much. I love that the focus is on the couple, and the commitment that they are making. I love that they are affordable. And I particularly love that they can take place with little notice in the most beautiful of locations.

See, now, don’t you suddenly want to have a simple private ceremony at the courthouse or at your local lighthouse, in your best suit with a clutch of fresh flowers?

I do.

Many thanks to photographer (and reader!) Emily Perello for sending me this wedding. You know how people are always telling you to find a affordable photographer who is just starting out, and is really talented, and you think to yourself, “yeah, I’m so sure that’s possible”? Well, Emily is your girl. Northern California couples, go get her! (and tell her your a practical couple).