24 Hours For Marriage Equality

I want to write a little bit about what the roller-coaster 24 hours of the day of decision were like here in San Francisco, but it’s taken awhile for me to pull my thoughts together. But I owe this to each of you, so here are my thoughts on supporting and valuing marriage as a civil right:The roller-coaster started on Monday night we went to a prayer service at Grace Cathedral, where it was my privilege to pray for marriage equality in the same room where my parents were married 35 years ago. We prayed, we cried, and we sang. A gay couple spoke about how one of them has a degenerative disability, and because he is not covered through his husband’s benefits he is slowly loosing the ability to walk. They talked about how, for them, marriage is not a illusive term, how the struggle for civil rights is his struggle for life, and how they don’t have time to wait. There were about 40 clergy present from a multitude of faiths, and most of them pledged that, should the worst happen, they would get arrested in peaceful civil disobedience the next day. Our rabbi was among them.Tuesday morning broke with grim news. I was shocked how painful it was, even though the decision was exactly what we expected. Proposition 8 was upheld, same-sex marriage was ruled illegal in California, but the 18,000 marriages performed over this spring and summer were allowed to stand. I was surprised to feel like my heart had been ripped out of my mouth, as I pondered all our friends and loved ones who no longer had the same basic civil rights that we are exercising this summer. The day wore on, and we received word that both our rabbi and our rabbinic intern had been arrested as part of a group of clergy that had committed peaceful civil disobedience. We were both grateful and worried at the same time.After work, we walked to San Francisco’s city hall, to be with the community in protest. It was there that the mood of the day started to change for me. We were sad, we were angry, but we were also happy to all be together. We were energized to know that the worst had happened, and we were still here, we were ready to fight. We marched and then headed to our synagogue to participate in a service of hope and healing. We sang a shehecheyanu blessing for our Rabbi in honor of her first arrest. We found out that the SFPD had done us proud, and were kind with each member of the clergy they arrested, with each protester. We talked about the pain of the day, we talked about the future, we talked about our gratitude for our community that is leading the struggle.

On Monday night we sang a song with the lyrics, “I will testify to love,” and that is a job for each of us. It is both a great privilege and a huge responsibility to be getting married in the middle of this fight for civil rights, this fight for marriage. We are doubly blessed to be married by someone who was arrested this week as she prayed peacefully for human rights. I will keep testifying to honoring the love in each of our hearts here and in my everyday life, I invite each of you to do the same. To those of you who were denied marriage rights on Tuesday, I hold you in my heart. We will be here together when Proposition 8 is overturned, once and for all.

Finally, in that spirit, I have to share the PSA that our friends and wedding graduates Patty and Christina are in:

First two pictures from the SF Gate, third courtesy of our temple

Lani & William’s Practical Arkansas Wedding

I’m excited to get to share Lani and Williams simple, joyful, beautiful wedding. This wedding is stylish in a unassuming way, but the part that makes me love it is the looks on everyone’s faces, it’s this blissful mix of joy and peace all mixed up together that makes me so happy. So, Lani, take it away:
Where your wedding was held: Our wedding ceremony was held at my church, St. Andrew’s Anglican in Little Rock, Arkansas. I love the large windows and simple rustic atmosphere.Our reception was at Camp Aldersgate- I had almost given up on finding a practical place for 200 people when my dad (who is a pediatric cancer doctor) suggested the medical camp. They rent during their off-season to raise extra money for the camps! A perfect fit! It’s the first gold certified LEED (Leadership in Energy & Environmental Design) building in Arkansas. It is a great building with lots of natural daylight, rainwater harvesting, stone from Arkansas, renewable energy resources, insulation from blue jeans and denim shirts, and environmentally conscious furnishings.What made your wedding creative: We tried to create a wedding that reflected what we wanted in our marriage. William would’ve loved in do the courthouse thing, but realized early on that a wedding was a way to honor his mother and my parents. We designed our own stationary. We had friends who designed and created the flowers, table centerpieces and other decorations. My dad had leis flown in from Maui to help celebrate my Hawaiian heritage and as a reminder of my relatives who couldn’t come from the island.What made your wedding thrifty: We tried to use as few vendors as humanly possible. We saved money by having my dress made by a local seamstress and purchasing the fabric ourselves. We had William’s old guitar professor from college play with his trio at the reception. We had no catering at all. All of the food was made by family and friends who also helped serve and clean up. We also had no florist. A friend purchased our flowers wholesale and made our bouquets and other arrangements. Our groomsmen didn’t wear tuxes. Everyone wore gray pants and white shirt they previously owned and we found coordinating yellow ties. Our bridesmaids didn’t get matching dresses- they just wore a gray dress with gray and yellow accessories so they would coordinate. We made our own save-the-dates, invitations, and programs. For “favors” we handed out wildflower seed packets with our new address on them. All of these little things helped keep our wedding well under budget.What made your wedding sane: William and I knew we didn’t want 5 hours of dinner and dancing! We wanted a time after our ceremony where we could hang out with our friends and family- not an orchestrated evening of photo ops! Our ceremony was at 2pm which meant our reception was from 3-5pm.This was the perfect low-stress way to celebrate. We had no toasts, no garter throw, no bouquet throw, no receiving line, no first dance and no send-off. We also decided early on what we cared about (me-my dress, him-the music, our family-flowers and food) and set priorities and didn’t stress about the rest. The following morning over breakfast we both concluded that there was nothing to change-we had married our best friend with everyone we love around us! Could not have been any better!