Elizabeth & Harrison (As Written By The Groom)

Ok, so I get asked *a lot* why I don’t have more men writing for the site. The short answer is simple: they almost never send things in (even though enough men read this site that they recognize me on the street in San Francisco, and give me free tacos.) But the long answer is something like this: I’m not really sure that men think about weddings and marriage quite the same way that we do.

Once, for example, I had David write a guest post for APW, and he said that ‘your wedding should not be the happiest day of your life.’ Readers, of course, flipped out.. What if it WAS the happiest day of someone’s life? How dare he say that? And I turned to David, who shrugged, and said, “I just don’t think it should be the happiest day of your life, and I don’t have anything else to say about that.” Which? I love. Simple, and to the point.

All this is a long introduction to one of our only Wedding Graduate posts written by a groom. Harrison’s post is short and sweet and hilarious. Also? Their wedding was shot by Emily of Emily Takes Photos, who did the bride’s hair too… because what? She’s full service. (UPDATE: Harrison has just offered to write more for y’all. This was just his prelude. So stay tuned. The grooms are going to keep on speaking. RAD!)

Creative: Flying over the reception? The rubber chicken/chattering-teeth/flask instead of a garter? Choreographing our own first dance? How about keeping it all a secret? You should ask my wife about our engagement party.

Thrifty: Pretty standard affair, shopping around for catering, making some food ourselves, borrowing equipment, holding the event in a county park, paying $200 for a wedding dress, buying wine that was on-sale, etc…>I’d be happy to show you the spreadsheet containing attendance probabilities, bathroom equilibrium calculations, and dancer-density-expectation values…but that’s the boring stuff that only nerds like me and my wife enjoy.

Sane: That’s a bit like asking what you do to keep from dying…do you drive slowly? How about *not* jumping off of bridges, or permitting yourself to breathe when necessity arises. I suppose, if I were forced to pick just one thing, it would be well summarized in this story:

Early on, we discovered an advertisement in a wedding magazine for TheKn*t.com; it was a gaudy 2-page ad, consisting of 10 luminescent discs, each containing a single number (1-10) and a paragraphical token of wisdom. The title, you guessed it, “[The top ten things you need for a great wedding]”  (OK, so I don’t remember the exact title).

Priority number 1 was “Looking good”, because everyone knows that looking the part on the “happiest day of your life”, is what really counts in a good marriage. Coming in at number 8 on the list, was “Being in love”. I was shocked that it would be on there at all, given that being in love has little to do with how good you look…but I was wrong. You see, being in love, it told us, exposes your inner glow which makes you (ding ding ding) *look good*. Our priority list (no doubt shaped by the yoke of society,) was:

  1. By the end of the day, we should be married…TO EACH OTHER.
  2. No casualties.

I suppose it was that priority list that helped maintain sanity (and the large friendly letters on our wedding-planning notebook, “DON’T PANIC”).

Photos By: Emily Takes Photos

Ask Team Practical: Wedding Dates

It’s a brand new year, which means a lot of brand new engagements (Hi Leigh Ann, congratulations!), which means a lot of head space devoted to picking wedding dates. Earlier this week we talked about off-season weddings (because they save you so much money), and today we’re talking about picking wedding dates, and the inevitable conflict that comes with the territory. It’s hard to pick a wedding date that works for everyone, and it’s not uncommon to find out that the date you were shooting for is a problem, in one way or another. When that happens, what do you do? Well, lucky for us, it’s Ask Team Practical Friday, and Alyssa is here with her always sage (and hilarious) advice.

We talked before about starting to set dates, but what happens when you set a date and then you run into a snag with guests or your wedding party? That’s what our brides Desiree and L. are facing.

Desiree writes:

My fiance and I finally decided on a date that worked for us. He is a touring musician and he leaves at the beginning of July so we decided on June 11th to give us some reconnecting and set up time before the wedding and to give us some marital bliss time before he’s off again. Plus, I really like the number 11. I feel like the number looks like two people standing side by side. (I know that is cheesy). [Editors Note: Is not.]

Anyway, I told my Maid of Honor (who is my closest friend for 20yrs) our date. She said that her daughter’s last day of school is on the 10th so it might be a little tricky but she could make it work. Her situation is amplified by the fact that she is moving at the end of June so she is worried about being there for her 7 yr old daughter on her last day with her friends. But she assured me she could make it work.

So my fiance and I continued to tell people via word of mouth our date. And as time went on and I talked to her about the wedding she would gently bring up her concern over not making it to the rehearsal dinner. I told her that I understood if she couldn’t make it and that being there the day of was enough.

Well, we are only 5 months away from the wedding date and she tells me that her daughter’s recital is the day after my wedding which is going to make it even more difficult for her to be there for me. She also said that if there was any flexibility on the date she would be so happy because she really wants to be there for me.

I understand and empathize with her situation. She is a great friend and I know she wants to be there and she even said she would fly out for just the day. I want her to be there too but it isn’t very realistic. Unless we change the date…. Do we change our date?

If we don’t change it I am afraid I will be sad she isn’t there and I squelched her opportunity to be. Am I being a bad friend and selfish if we do have the opportunity and we still don’t change the date? I am already tired of having to consider and juggle so many outside factors to do something so personal as get married. It is reeeaalllyy stressing me OUT and making me a little bitter! HELP PLEASE!

L has a similar situation:

I am of the “pre-engaged” set, my guy and I have been dating for 4 years and my ring is being made right now and I am just (im)patiently waiting for it. I’ve already bought my dress. [Editors Note: Babydoll, you know you’re getting married and you’ve bought a dress? You’re engaged. You’re just waiting for a ring. Own it.] We’ve picked a venue and we were really hoping to have our wedding 9/15/12. It’s a good time for an outdoor wedding where we live, and our anniversary is the 15th of June, his parents is the 15th of December, and my birthday is the 15th of August. Just an all around great number. Anyway, none of our friends know about any of this.

One of his close friends got engaged this past fall and we found out last night that they are hoping to get married 9/8/12. No date has been set yet, but that’s the date they’re looking to book. Out of allllll the dates in a 2 year span, that’s the one they picked. I’m really, really bummed. I acted like a baby and started crying when I found out. I don’t know what to do. I wouldn’t mind not having it the 15th — I’d be OK with the following couple weeks but the further we push it, it will get colder and colder and then our lovely outdoor wedding will not be fun/we’d have to spend more money on heat lamps. But isn’t the entire month of September “out” now, anyway? Their wedding will be a car ride away/night in hotel and so will ours (for all our mutual friends — probably 8 friends total). And I don’t want to “steal their thunder” especially since they got engaged first [Editors note: Again? They went public with their engagement first is all. We’re splitting hairs here.] We can’t really say anything to them about it, especially since we’re “not engaged” and I don’t want to seem like a b*tch. I’m just so bummed. What would you do?

Ok, all: say it with me. You should only change your date if it benefits you or your partner first, and everyone else second. And by everyone else, I mostly mean your parents. Period. The End. Fin.

Okay, first, go read this post on how your wedding is not an imposition.

Done? Good. Now you have to believe it. Read More…