Is It Possible to Find Hope after My Husband Cheated?

A few months ago, my husband finally admitted that he might be interested in seeing a therapist. He has been spiraling in a space of anger, sadness, fear, and anxiety for months as he battles his PTSD-induced depression, and yesterday he finally made the phone call. Or, well, he said he did. The day before, he had taken a half-day at work, and then gone out for drinks with co-workers. He said he would let me know when he was heading home—and he did, at 1am.

Not too big of a deal, right? Except… it was. Because this hurt me. It hurt me because he had been bailing on plans with me for weeks, because he didn’t want to make plans, because he was exhausted all of the time. And I get it: depression is an energy vampire. But when he was happy to stay out late with others, with people who are not me, I got upset. I felt like he was telling me that he wanted out—out of everything.

When he got home, we talked about it. I felt like we had a good conversation about our feelings, even, and I asked him to show me he was committed by calling the therapist the next day.

That evening, after I got home, he said he called the therapist. Then he said he needed to be alone, and he went upstairs. I went upstairs to take a shower, and assured him I would leave him alone if he needed that. He started crying, and I went to comfort him. He kept saying, “I don’t deserve you, you are so good to me, I don’t deserve you.” He repeated this over (and over and over). Finally, while my arms were wrapped around him, he said it.

“I slept with someone. Last night.”

I’ve never recoiled from him so quickly. I cried, I screamed, I hurled every hurtful, true thing at him I could, and then I hurled a slipper. He sat there, crying, looking so small. I kept asking why. Why why why why why why. We had everything he wanted. We bought a house. We have a yard. We got a dog. Next year we were going to start having kids. We both had jobs. We liked each other’s families. Why would he want to compromise all of that?

“She made me feel light.”

In that moment, I felt that nothing could have hurt me more. When you’re married, you share your baggage. You have emotions, families, histories that you have talked about and worked to manage together. You have expectations and hopes, dreams and ambitions. In marriage, you can feel happy. There may be brief moments where you can forget all of the shared baggage, but you will probably not make the other person feel light. It is an unaskable task. An unachievable goal.

“Do you still want to be with me?”

“I don’t know.”

“Do you love her?”

“I don’t know.”

what happens next?

That night, he left and went to a friend’s house. At least, I thought that’s where he went. That’s what he told me. I didn’t hear from the friend until my best friends, my bridesmaids, called to ask if my husband made it.

He said he decided to go to a co-worker’s house. My stomach dropped even further than I knew it could.

Why did he keep lying?

At that moment, I just leaned in to all of it: the pain, the mess. The fear. I told him to figure out what he needs. Therapy? Fine. A more intensive program? Great. I just wanted him to take care of his mental health, because I couldn’t believe this all happened because I was not something good to him.

I told him after he gets help for himself, we’ll talk about us. I asked him not to go to her house. I asked him to not be alone with her if he could help it, because if he saw her privately again I would lose this fragile line of hope that we can repair our relationship. And I need that to keep going on.

That’s what I do now, I keep going on.

15 New David’s Bridal Dresses That Will Make You Feel Awesome


apw x davids bridal

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Ruffled Chiffon Wedding Dress with Lace Back, Galina, exclusively at David’s Bridal, $449

We’ve all seen women trying wedding dresses on—in movies, TV, IRL. It’s often either omg-this-is-my-dress tears, or omg-there-is-no-hope hysteria. Okay, fine, there can be a healthy dose of “Meh, is this really it?” mixed in. But me? I was the drama queen in the no hope category. A big part of my tears came from the fact that most bridal salons didn’t carry a wide range of samples to try on in-store—or even order. How was I expected to shell out cash for something that was held in front of me and I couldn’t even put on my body?

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Cap Sleeve Crepe Wedding Dress with Plunge Bodice, Galina Signature, exclusively at David’s Bridal, $758

Which is why when I finally found my way to David’s Bridal, I loved it. Unlike most of the wedding industry, David’s Bridal gets that women’s bodies come in a full range of shapes and sizes (AMEN), and they have the selection to support that. They believe in inclusivity, authenticity, and empowerment, and it is their mission to help every woman find the bridal gown that will allow her to be the best, most genuine version of herself on her wedding day. Since that’s basically APW’s mission (minus the bridal gown part), I obviously couldn’t be more down with that.

As for David’s Bridal IRL (or at least in my life), the people I worked with were super helpful. I actually got to try on the dresses I liked—and by try on I mean actually zip up. None of that weird clip-in panel nonsense. Plus the dresses themselves are hot right now. Lace? Check. Sleeves? Mhmm. Illusion details? Oh yeah. Drama? Def. Color? You betcha!

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Strapless Wedding Dress with Tulle Slit Skirt, Galina Signature, exclusively at David’s Bridal, $698

David’s Bridal recently released their newest collection, so today we’ve partnered up with them and rounded up fifteen of my faves from their Spring 2017 lineup. Bonus: Most of these styles go up to 26W.

Drama Queen

I’m going to defer to Flaca here. Sometimes more really is more.

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Trains are making a comeback, and I am into it. This train is so ethereal it’s like tiny fairies could be holding it up as you walk around, but the silhouette is super sleek so you won’t be buried under tulle for days. Plus, the train is removable. Um hello, two dresses in one! (Appliqued Tulle Sheath Wedding Dress, Melissa Sweet, exclusively at David’s Bridal, $1,158)

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Drama doesn’t always have to mean you turn up the volume all the way. Maybe you turn it up just a little of the way. (Ruffled Chiffon Wedding Dress with Lace Back, Galina, exclusively at David’s Bridal, $499)

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I mean what doesn’t this dress have? The elaborate Art Deco–inspired beading is a showstopper on its own—and then the ruffled mermaid bottom? Dead. Perfect for a chic city wedding or just, like, Target on a Tuesday. (I wish!) (Beaded Mermaid Wedding Dress with Tulle Skirt, Galina Signature, exclusively at David’s Bridal, $1,458–$1,558)

ROCK THOSE SLEEVES

When I was dress shopping, I looked high and low for something with a sleeve, and the wedding industry said NOPE. But David’s Bridal has delivered.

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Illusion details are great for when you want sleeves but don’t want to be totally covered up. The delicate lace appliqués on this gown give it a fresh feel without feeling like too much. (Long Sleeve Wedding Dress with Low Back, David’s Bridal Collection, exclusively at David’s Bridal, $599–$699)

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I like that this lacy option still gives you some décolletage action, which is perfect for holding the girls in but still showing them off a little. (Are you sensing a theme here?) (Cap Sleeve Crepe Wedding Dress with Plunge Bodice, Galina Signature, exclusively at David’s Bridal, $858)

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Go for a soft off-the-shoulder look with a sheer lace back and neckline to keep things from feeling too heavy. I’m all about this style: it covers up the arms (my personal preference for all clothing) but still bares collar bones and shoulders. (Off-The-Shoulder Lace A-Line Wedding Dress, Oleg Cassini, exclusively at David’s Bridal, $1,358–$1,508)

Keepin’ It Classic

Traditional styles don’t have to be boring, especially when you nod to timeless shapes while adding modern amenities like sparkle, pockets, and more sparkle.

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Sometimes simplicity can really pack a punch. Plus, these wide straps and scoop neck are extra friendly for my busty friends. (Scoop Neck Lace Wedding Dress, Truly Zac Posen, exclusively available at David’s Bridal, $1,358–$1,458)

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This has pockets, which makes it a clear winner (all the pockets!). Plus it’s a super clean design, so it’s easy to add accessories and coordinate with that heirloom veil Mom/Auntie/Grandma/MIL has been waiting for someone to wear. (Lace Sweetheart Wedding Ball Gown, David’s Bridal Collection, exclusively at David’s Bridal, $599–$699)

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This fit-and-flare ruched gown has timeless silhouette, for sure, but it also has a sexy, modern feel to it. Highlight your best assets, without feeling dated. (Allover Lace Mermaid Dress, David’s Bridal Collection, exclusively at David’s Bridal, $599–$699)

Baby Got Back

I mean, there’s nothing that says the back of your dress can’t be as fancy as the front, right?

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This dress is timeless in a “Brad Pitt is still dating Gwyneth Paltrow” kind of way. But then turn around and hello:

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Soft ruffles drape from the waist to floor and ooooon and oooonnn. (High-Neck Crepe Wedding Dress with Ruffled Back, David’s Bridal Collection, exclusively at David’s Bridal, $399–$449)

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Long sleeves with an open back? YES!

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I love when there’s a slightly demure look in the front and then BAM, skin. (Long Sleeve Lace Wedding Dress with Open Back, Melissa Sweet, exclusively at David’s Bridal, $1,258–$1,308)

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Business in the front.

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Party in the back. And by party, I mean huge honking bow. (Seamed Satin Wedding Dress, Truly Zac Posen, exclusively available at David’s Bridal, $858–$958)

LACE FOR DAYS

Lace is everywhere. But have no fear; the lace nightmares of the ’80s and ’90s are nowhere to be found.

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I love a non-white wedding dress. But if you just want a subtle touch of color, this pink lace is the perfect compromise. (Scalloped A-Line Wedding Dress with Double Straps, Melissa Sweet, exclusively at David’s Bridal, $1,258–$1,408)

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No one says you have to wear a full-length gown for your wedding. I would definitely pair with fun heels to add an edge to this sweet dress. (Strapless Lace Short Wedding Dress, Galina, exclusively at David’s Bridal, $299–$399)

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This is NOT your mama’s lace, friends. This is some curve-hugging, jaw-dropping, epic lace goodness. And totally appropriate for a variety of weddings—think, vineyard, backyard, beach—plus it comes in all the sizes. (Soft Lace Wedding Dress with Low Back, Galina, exclusively at David’s Bridal, $499)

So if you haven’t been thrilled with dress shopping so far, or have just started looking, get yourself to a local David’s Bridal stat—make an appointment here. They’ve got dresses in sizes 0–26 and prices to fit any budget. Because you totally deserve an empowering wedding dress shopping experience that makes you feel as amazing as you’ll (undoubtedly) look.

let’s talk. What are you looking for in a wedding dress? what has your dress shopping experience been like so far?

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This post was sponsored by David’s Bridal. If you’re looking for a modern, stylish wedding dress that won’t cost your whole wedding budget, that you can actually try on in store, and that comes in your size off the rack (I KNOW), then David’s Bridal is as good as it gets. Check out their brand new 2017 collections here, and make an appointment at your local salon here.