We Ran Away to Iceland and Got Married in a Canyon for $9K

649_146A9340-Exposure.jpgAshCarr

Tara, Paralegal & Joe, Engineer

Sum-up of the wedding vibe: An outdoor adventure shared with our closest family and friends.
Planned Budget: $9,000
Actual Budget: $9,000
Number of Guests: 10

Wedding dress hanging on cement wallSunset on canyonHorse in field

Where we allocated the most funds:

The cost of our photographer. This was our largest expense for our wedding, and it was totally worth it! We had the best time traveling around southern Iceland with Ash Carr, our photographer, and the photographs she took not only captured the beauty of our wedding venue, but the entire emotion of the day. We will always cherish these photographs that captured our day.

Women buttoning bride's dresshandwritten wedding vowsGroom reading card, cryingBride in fieldBride and groom on rocks near ocean

Where we allocated the least funds:

We allocated the least funds to our wedding venue, Fjaðrárgljúfur canyon. We hiked in to Fjaðrárgljúfur canyon from the designated parking area and were pronounced husband and wife on the edge of the canyon cliff. It was outdoors, a beautiful location, and free!

Wedding ceremony in FjaðrárgljúfurBridesmaids in fur jacketsBride, groom, and officient in FjaðrárgljúfurBride looking at groom during ceremonyBride and groom kissing in wedding ceremony in Fjaðrárgljúfur

What was totally worth it:

Allocating a large chunk of our wedding day to photographs and portraits. After our ceremony, we left our family and friends behind to explore southern Iceland with our photographer, Ash Carr, for portraits. We drove and hiked, in our wedding attire, around Iceland’s diverse landscapes with Ash there to photograph it all. Through these portraits, Ash beautifully captured our giddiness and wedding day emotions in addition to the splendor of Iceland.

Bride and groom kissing in FjaðrárgljúfurBride and groom gazing at eachotherBride wearing white cable-knit sweater, with groom in Fjaðrárgljúfur

A few things that helped us along the way:

The biggest thing that helped us along the way was hiring a wedding coordinator located in Iceland. She was affordable and the biggest help when it came to planning our wedding abroad. She contacted local vendors, negotiated rates, and took care of all of our legal paperwork. All of our communication with her was through email. We never met her in person, and she wasn’t in attendance on our wedding day, yet she was the biggest help to us through the whole planning process. In the end, all of our vendors were where they were supposed to be, when they were supposed to be there, and everything came together beautifully, thanks to her.

Bride and groom in front of rocky cliff in FjaðrárgljúfurBride and groom near rocky cliff and ocean Bride and groom wedding portraitBride and groom in field in Fjaðrárgljúfur

My best practical advice for my planning self:

Less can be more. Flowers add up quickly. Not everyone needs to be wearing or holding flowers. We originally ordered flowers for everyone attending our wedding since it was small (ten people), but the cost added up very quickly. In the end I cut back on all of the flowers to save on cost and I couldn’t have been happier with the result. When you are already in a beautiful location, such as Iceland, you don’t need to jazz it up with a bunch of flowers that you will only use for one day. Save money and order less! We also cut costs by saving the flowers and using them as table decor for our wedding dinner.

Bride and groom at dinner wedding receptionChild in sleeping bag near table at wedding dinner reception Bride, groom, and guests toasting at wedding dinner receptionAurora Borealis over house

Favorite thing about the wedding:

Our favorite thing about the wedding was our ceremony. We were standing on the edge of Fjaðrárgljúfur canyon with our Lutheran pastor of the National Church of Iceland, Ingólfur Hartvigsson, that we met for the first time ten minutes prior to our ceremony. He calmed our nerves and made us feel comfortable. He made our ceremony personal based on a couple of emails we had exchanged a few weeks prior to our wedding. We recited our handwritten vows to each other halfway through the ceremony, which brought everyone to tears. Toward the end of our ceremony, Pastor Ingólfur recited the Lord’s Prayer in Icelandic that put everyone in awe. It’s hard to put into words, but it was just beautiful. The location, weather, pastor, and people in attendance made it a magical occasion that we will never forget.
Bride and groom black and white portrait

Why Having a Kid Didn’t Send Us Rushing to the Altar

Wedding portrait of bride, groom, and son

When I was twenty-three, not even a year into dating my now husband, I became pregnant unexpectedly. I was a senior in college, completely broke, and dealing with depression and ADHD. I had known my husband for about two years before we started dating, and we were very good friends. In fact, he was one of my best friends.

Unplanned Parenthood

The pregnancy came as a surprise, and we spent days talking and deliberating and reviewing options and reviewing ourselves in an effort to make the absolute best decision for us. We did not seek advice from friends or family, because we did not want their input or advice. We didn’t want to feel shamed or pressured into making one decision or another, and so we came to the decision on our own. We decided to keep our child.

It was one of the best decisions we have ever made. Even though we didn’t even know for sure if we would stay together for the duration (though we were fairly certain at the time). Even though we were both young and broke and totally uncertain of our future. I spent my senior year of college carrying a life and preparing to bring a child into the world. In an instant my priorities and outlook had shifted. I no longer had time to be unfocused. I couldn’t afford to be childish and selfish. I couldn’t go to parties with my friends, but suddenly it didn’t matter to me any more.

I told my sister about my pregnancy first, over lunch, and she was so amazing and supportive and helped me gather the courage to tell my parents. My mother’s immediate reaction was a slightly irritated, “Why am I not surprised?” However, she warmed up to it and also became very supportive. My best friend was amazing; she already had a daughter of two. Wade’s parents were so thrilled I could hear them gleefully shouting through the phone. It surprised me how different our families’ reactions were, but maybe it shouldn’t have. We come from very different cultural backgrounds and had very different experiences growing up.

I finished college and got my degree. When I was eight months pregnant, we moved to a different city and started a new life. Connor was born on September 15, 2005, and he was the most amazing thing.

Love Comes First (And Last)

When he was only a few months old, I was visiting my family and talk of weddings and marriage came up. Wade and I were not yet engaged, though we had talked about it. We were sure it was going to happen, we just didn’t know when. We weren’t quite ready to make that commitment to each other, even though we knew we wanted to. There was pressure from my mom to get married sooner. She said, “Wouldn’t it be better for Connor?” I said, “I refuse to get married just because I have a child. Yes, I’m quite sure Wade and I are going to get married, but not now. Not yet. I don’t believe in staying together just because there’s a child. We’re not ready yet, and I’m not going to rush it.” With reluctance my mother backed off, but it would still come up occasionally.

Three years into our relationship, we finally got engaged. It was thrilling. It was wonderful. It was magic. I said yes without hesitation, but I had some lingering doubts about our relationship. We had just gone through an extremely rough period during which we spent six months apart. And so, we waited. Time went on and we had several false starts to planning. We’d set a date, start talking about it, getting ideas together, and then we would decide that no, we’re not quite ready yet.

. . . But A Perfectly Planned Wedding

Finally, we were ready, and I am so glad we waited. The wedding was wonderful and perfect and it epitomized what love and commitment is, what family and friends are for. It reinforced many of the values that are so important to us.

I am not the same person I was when I was pregnant. I am not the same person I was three years ago when we first got engaged. I am not even the same person I was when we started the official planning process. Throughout our entire relationship we have been scrutinized for our choices. For having a child and not being married. It was frustrating to correct people, always saying, “No, he’s my fiancé.” I could have let it go and simply said yes to him being my husband, but to me it was important to distinguish the difference. It was important to me to point out that just because I have a child I was neither a single parent, nor was I married.

My advice to all the other unmarried parents out there is to be unafraid to wait. Don’t be afraid to have as long or short an engagement as is right for you.

Be unafraid of convention and don’t be afraid to defy it.

This post was originally posted in 2011.