{Wedding day emotions by Lauren McGlynn}
I’ve been, without fail, a big weepy mess at all of the weddings I’ve ever attended. Weddings just always make my heart swell and the tears pour (well…weddings, Oprah, a sentimental commercial, the national anthem, the drop of a hat, etc.). Such is my nature, and as a guest I don’t feel embarrassed; I pack my pockets with tissues, eventually regain composure and am ready to par-tay. As a bride, though, I’m nervous. Given that I’m an easy crier by nature, what extreme outpouring will my OWN wedding provoke? Practically speaking, what if I’m so shaky and choked up during the ceremony that I will be physically unable to get my vows out? Head nod? Reverse sign language interpreter? Ack!
WATERWORKS, here’s the thing:
- Talk to your officiant and warn her that you might cry, possibly a lot. It’s something she’s sure to have dealt with before, and she should be able to help calm your fears. She can be prepared to pause and give you time to pull yourself together. Also, make sure you know your vows well; you’ll feel more prepared to deal if you know where and when you’ll answer “I do.”
- Find ways to hide something to wipe the tears. You can ball tissues up in your hand or have them hidden with an attendant or you partner. Or better yet, you can pin a cute handkerchief to your bouquet for easy access.
- Do not feel bad about halting the ceremony for a moment. It’s your wedding, you can take a pause and no one will think any less of you. In fact, it might make them cry even harder.
- Have a makeup bag nearby so you can clean yourself up after the ceremony. Stash some eye drops if necessary to ward off red eyes, but also keep duplicates of whatever makeup you wear on hand. Waterproof mascara and eyeliner are great, but as a fellow crier, I know that us sob-sisters do just as much damage to the rest of our face while wiping snotty noses and teary cheeks.
- Know there is no way that your tear-stained face will take away from your radiant smile. You may not like it, but that kind of naked joy is more beautiful than any perfectly made-up face.
And don’t worry about stage fright and people staring. Here’s a pro-tip from a theatre kid: Say you have a hundred guests and are up there with your official and three attendants each. Generally, the amount of people looking at you at any given moment is usually the number of people in the audience divided by the number of people on stage. Factor in those whose mind will wander as they look your decor, their purse for a tissue or your hot cousin in the third row and you’ll probably only have about eight people’s eyes on you at any given moment. That’s about the same amount of people looking at you as you tell a story at happy hour. Also, people tend to look at the person speaking, so they’ll mostly be watching your officiant. You’ll be fine.
I had asked my mom’s hairdresser of 30+ years to do my hair for the wedding, along with the hair of two of my wedding party. He’s not just my mom’s hair dude, but a friend of the family who is coming to the wedding. I’ve done two trials with him and they’ve been disastrous. My hair looked like bad 80s prom. I’ve shown him pictures, told him what’s wrong and what needs to be done to be more like what I want, and he’s still sent me out the door without fixing it, with promises that it’ll be more like the way I want on the wedding day. I should mention that he’s not doing this for free, I am paying him each time we try. My mother tells me I’m being obsessive about my hair and asking too much. My friends tell me that I have to like my hair or I’ll hate my pictures. The wedding is six weeks away. Do I owe him a third try? Do I try someone else and see if its me that has unjustified expectations? If I do try someone else, and like it, how do I tell him that this isn’t working?
~Help, Hair Horror Heroine
And seriously? Bad 80’s prom hair in your wedding pictures for all time? Think about that for a minute. Oh, look, you just called a new stylist. Question answered. You’re welcome!
*****
Dear BBB,
I think that’s a great idea! Don’t mention your money troubles; just offer up your services as a gift, and see what she says. There’s a chance she might say no, if only because she already has something planned or someone else is paying for those services, so if she says no make sure that you don’t take it personally.
*****
If you would like to ask Team Practical a question please don’t be shy! You can email Alyssa at: askteampractical [at] apracticalwedding [dot] com. If you would prefer to not be named, anonymous questions are also accepted. Though we prefer if you make up a totally ridiculous sign-off like conflicted and rageful but deeply in love in Detroit (CARBDILID, duh). We’re not kidding. It brings us joy. What, you don’t want to bring your editors JOY?!?