Go Read!

In case you wonder if us not-totally-mainstream wedding bloggers chatter behind the scenes (do you wonder that? I always wonder that about the non-wedding bloggers I obsessively read), we do. So, if you’d like to hear all about a conversation Ariel of Offbeat Bride and I had after the post I wrote about the stories we tell about life milestones… then go read her f*cking fantastic post about fear mongering and weddings (and life).

Because yes. So much of life is about not falling asleep behind the wheel (and waking up in the ballroom at the Ritz Carlton with a 500 person wedding you never wanted).

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  • I <3 that my two favorite blogging badasses chit-chat and collaborate. :)

  • I feel like I should keep that article in my back pocket and when anyone tries to say "you'll seeeee" I'll just hand over the paper!

    But what about doing something like place settings so that you don't have to worry about your friends having to play musical chairs or your grandma sitting far away?
    Or picking a uniform color for your attendants dresses because it makes you feel better?

    That should be okay too.

  • Meg

    'Tis. That was just her example. We had seating charts… and it worked out well. Mild pain the ass, but worked out well.

  • The only problem I have with this is: On one hand, we bitch that people aren't sincere about their wedding experiences. Now, we are bitching that people are too eager to share their negative experiences, which we don't like, because they scare us or make us feel like we can't avoid hopelessness.

    I think people should be honest and we should try not to be so insecure and accept everything that everyone says as Gospel. We are unique individuals and we are not all going to have the same experiences.

    In short, I like hearing all the different opinions, because I do feel like it leaves me better prepared.

  • Cupcake, I think there's a big difference between sharing challenges and projecting that MY challenges will be YOUR challenges.

    "This was really difficult for me," is quite different from "This will be difficult FOR YOU."

  • Meg

    You're missing the conclusion:

    "So, here's to each of us vowing that once we've gone through one of life's big, rocky transitions (whether it be wedding, graduation, marriage, career shift, lifestyle earthquakes of all sorts) we'll turn to those around us and tell the stories of what we learned and how we grew. Here's hoping we'll offer each other encouragement and support instead of fear and snark."

    There is a really big differance between someone telling me what they learned in their marriage, or what they wished they'd done differently, and someone telling me that all marraiges make you miserable. HUGE difference. One's constructive, and one's destructive.

  • I totally loved that post. I decided to blog on it so it would be in my memory forever.

    Life is challenges, but grouping everyone together on a sinking ship that is only sinking because no one want to be captain is devastating. Let someone go on to the life boat or take the stern even if it means that we all still sink.

    I have to say that some of the best things I've learned about marriage are from my divorced family members. They seem to have really clear views about the good and the bad in their own marriages. My parents' divorce was a huge eye opener to me in what causes a breakdown in a marriage and how to prevent that. I value their experience as much as I value my in-laws 40 year marriage. I'm grateful that my mother doesn't say things like "well, it will happen to you too one day…" but instead says "have your own credit rating just in case something happens to D."

  • I have some friends who've given me the "you'll seeeee" spiel and what's more hurtful for me isn't just the statement. It's now, when I'm hitting some bumps in my marriage. Instead of weathering them and moving on, I'm tense about them. It makes me remember those comments and wonder if they're right. I know that they aren't and marriage is work and that Ariel and Meg are the awesome so if they say they're wrong they HAVE to be, right? But there's still that little part of me, when the boy and I argue, that goes "GOD, _______ was right."
    And that makes me pissed at myself and pissed at them.
    Oh, I'll get over it, but for now I'm pissed.