APW Happy Hour


HILLZ, OMG, HILLZ.

by Stephanie Kaloi, Content Manager

hillary clinton shirt from wonkette

Hey APW,

Welcome to APW Happy Hour: the DNC version! If you don’t follow us on Twitter (or don’t care), I have been tweeting along each night of this week’s convention. This is my first time tweeting about something for several hours in a row, and holy cow, I’ve learned a lot. The biggest skill I’ve gained by far is picking the perfect GIFs and photos to use for each tweet. I give you: example 1, example 2, and example 3 (just to name a few).

Obviously the biggest news of the week is that my girl Hillary Rodham Clinton is officially the first female to be nominated to a major party in the US, ever in all the history in the sands of time, and I’m so excited about it that all I’ve been able to do besides tweeting is jump around and say, “Hillz, OMG, Hillz.” If you missed her speech, allow me to catch you up:

I’m sure other things have happened this week, but I don’t know what they are. What’s up, APW? Tell me what’s going on.

Don’t boo, vote.

Stephanie

Link Roundup

Black Mothers Have Become the Heart of the Progressive Movement in the United States

Are you pumped up about Clinton-Kaine?

How will we maintain our sanity on Election Day? It’s ridiculous.

He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named used to be way, way obsessed with Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson. But now he’s the GOP nominee!

In case you missed it, here are this week’s big DNC speeches: Elizabeth WarrenMichelle Obama, Bernie Sanders, Bill Clinton, Joe Biden, Tim Kaine, Barack Obama, and Chelsea Clinton.

Stephanie Kaloi

Stephanie is a photographer, writer, and Ravenclaw living in California with her family. She is super into reading, road trips, and adopting animals on a whim. Forewarning: all correspondence will probably include a lot of punctuation and emoji (!!! 😊 🎉 🎉).

Staff Picks

[Read comment policy before commenting]

  • emilyg25

    I bought my tee shirt, car magnet and lawn sign and registered to volunteer with the campaign this fall. I’m ready.

    • JC

      Which tee shirt did you buy? I can’t choose!

      • BSM

        I have this one, and I wore it with UNABASHED GLEE last night: https://shop.hillaryclinton.com/products/the-loud-and-proud-tee

        • stephanie

          That’s the one I have, too!

      • CMT

        All of them. (Not really, but I do have 3.)

        • JC

          Hero.

      • emilyg25

        The tank that says A woman’s place is in the White House! It was a hard choice—she has good merch.

        • JC

          That was the top of my list too! I might also get a basic “I’m With Her” shirt. Two things are better than one.

        • Lisa

          I really like this tank!

          • Lisa

            Unrelated, but does anyone else live in an area where they’re legitimately worried they’d be targeted for wearing HRC paraphernalia? I love all of these shirts, but it makes me nervous to openly declare my allegiances in a state that is so, so red.

          • Laura C

            I don’t, but you might enjoy the book Blue in a Red State, by Justin Krebs. It’s basically interviews with people talking about how they deal with exactly that in their own lives.

          • Lisa

            Thanks for the recommendation! I don’t deal well with confrontation, and I’m concerned about heckling/jeering. Someone even spat on my husband once for riding his bicycle so I hate to think what even more overt displays of liberalism might garner.

          • Kalë

            omg, what? like, because he was biking instead of driving????

          • Eenie

            Another commenter living in Mississippi said someone ran down her yard sign.

          • AP

            *Raises hand.* A low point for my neighborhood.

          • Lisa

            Yep, and on my first day of biking to work, a guy in a busted up pick-up threatened to run us over if we got into his lane. People down here hate anyone who isn’t in a car. (On the other side, I’ve gotten questioned before whether I’m OK or need a ride because I’m walking to or from work. It’s just not a thought that crosses anyone’s mind.)

          • Kalë

            My mouth is hanging open in disbelief. I live in a pretty car-reliant place, but that kind of stuff is way out there. Feels :(

          • Lisa

            The hostility is unbelievable. There’s also this thing called rolling coal down here, and my husband has been on the unfortunate end of many a black cloud.

          • Lisa

            Oh, but I should mention, when we called the police and gave his license plate number, the cop on the phone was part of the city’s bike squad and promised to send over a bunch of bicycle cops to give the guy a lecture.

          • Michela

            WHAT!?

          • Lisa

            Crazy, right? And lest anyone think we for some reason deserve this treatment, we obey all traffic signals, ride in the correct lanes, and always signal before turns or lane changes. People down here just don’t want to deal with cyclists, which is boggling to me because it’s a college town.

          • Michela

            That is bananas to me. If you’re following all traffic laws, what does it matter to drivers??? People are crazy.

          • toomanybooks

            I’m in the opposite (but, almost same?) situation where a good amount of people I know are just toooooooo radical for Hillary Clinton, but luckily I also have friends who post very intelligent pro Clinton arguments to Facebook. (DC queer scene. Politix politix politix.)

          • AP

            Yep! Mississippi here, where my in-laws are proudly voting for Trump and my Grandpa keeps muttering “we’re all screwed” at family gatherings.

            BUT. Last year I was given a “Mississippians for Equality” t-shirt by a friend who works for Human Rights Campaign, big HRC logo right on front. I was afraid to wear it for a few weeks. I got over it though, and I’m happy to report I’ve never received ANY shade for it. I wear it everywhere! The Hillary stuff might be a bit trickier around here, but I’ll just be mindful of the crowd.

          • Lisa

            Mississippi might be even worse for this than where we live! I’ll sit with it for a few days and try to decide whether it’s worth it to me. I love the shirts, but maybe a button on my walking bag might be easier to start with.

          • AP

            I was thinking along the same lines. Buttons for everyday wear, and a T-shirt for when I’m around my like-minded folks. Since it’s all going to the campaign, I’m ok with buying a shirt I might sleep in more than anything. Plus everything is destined to become an heirloom!

          • CP2011

            My parents’ neighbor is apparently rocking an Human rights campaign logo with a line through it, as in “let’s deny human rights”. Wtf.

          • Lisa

            That is horrifying.

          • emilyg25

            Yes! And I went back and forth about the lawn sign because we just bought our house and I really like our neighbors. But I live in a swing state. I feel like I need to be able to tell my kid that I did everything I could to stop Trump. If I was in a red state, I probably wouldn’t be so gung ho.

          • Eenie

            I really really really want to put up a sign, but I live in a red state and am slightly worried about vandalism.

          • Lexipedia

            I got window signs!

          • Lisa

            That’s wonderful. My current state didn’t even vote for Obama in 2008 so it is redder than red. If I was in a swing state, I like to think I’d be much more vocal about my support.

          • Michela

            Ohioan here. While it’s a swing state, I work for the Air Force, which means I literally hear people enthusiastically support Trump as I walk to the bathroom or wait for meetings to begin. Makes me sick to my stomach.

          • Lisa

            Totally understand. I was at my grandma’s in Ohio a couple of weeks ago for an impromptu family reunion, and many of my relatives were more enthusiastically supporting Trump because he’d just picked Pence for VP (my home state’s governor). Then one of my uncles said something like, “Wouldn’t it be nice if Trump got elected, was assassinated, and then Pence could be president?” Then my grandmother piped up and said, “Well, if anyone is going to be assassinated, I’d prefer it to be Hillary.”

            That’s the point where I left the conversation. Once you start talking about killing people or comparing them to Hitler, any hope of a useful dialogue is gone.

          • Michela

            Trump oozes evil, and I’ve never advocated his assassination. Goodness gracious girl… props for walking away when it would’ve been much easier to scream.

          • CP2011

            Do it!! I’m sure there are many more near you who share your views and will be thrilled to see you!

        • Gina

          I make a lot of my clothes, and I just bought a fabric panel that says “A woman’s place is in the house … the senate… and the oval office.” Can’t WAIT to get it sewn up!

      • Eenie
      • ML

        I got this one! https://shop.hillaryclinton.com/products/tory-burch-tee Can’t wait to wear it!

        • JC

          I really, really love that one. What’s funny though is that I actually want one that’s overtly more political?

          • ML

            I hear you! I got these buttons too to be more overt in my Hillary support: https://shop.hillaryclinton.com/products/making-history-button-set
            But I wanted a shirt I’d be happy to wear after she WINS! Some of the others I’m not sure I’d continue sporting after campaign season just because they don’t match my usual style.

    • CMT

      I really hope my future grandchildren appreciate all of the vintage Hillary 2016 merch they’re going to inherit.

      • BSM

        This comment is exactly the push I need to invest in much, much more Hillary gear.

      • AP

        I was thinking this exact thing!

      • Michela

        Gah!! You just incentivized me to buy some.

    • MC

      Did y’all see the champagne flutes (and shot glasses!) that say “Made from 100% shattered glass ceiling”???? !!!!! Buying some today so I’m ready for election day/inauguration.

      https://shop.hillaryclinton.com/products/hillary-champagne-flute-duo

      • April

        LOVE LOVE LOVE.

      • emilyg25

        I DID NOT. I MUST BUY MORE THINGS.

      • stephanie

        BUYING

      • ART

        OMG this pin, this pin is everything forever: https://shop.hillaryclinton.com/products/believe-in-hillary-pin

        • Lisa

          OMG, this linked to the Woman Card.

        • Amy March

          False, this pin is even more:

          https://shop.hillaryclinton.com/products/scott-stowell

          Vote Rodham 2016.

          • ART

            So many pins. I’m gonna need a bigger lapel.

          • ART

            I just went in with a friend on $120 worth of stuff, haaa. I got the “deal me in shirt” and these in addition to the “I believe” pin; srsly gonna drag my denim jacket out of the closet and wear it every day this summer so I can have these on it: https://shop.hillaryclinton.com/products/gail-anderson

          • BSM

            Oh god, I may need to spend $100 on this set of 45 buttons just for the “It’s about (damn) time” one.

            https://shop.hillaryclinton.com/products/full-set

          • Amy March

            Like, I feel very strongly that I should not spend $100 on buttons, because I don’t wear buttons, and cluttering up my apartment with 45 useless buttons seems ill-advised. And yet . . . . those buttons are in my shopping cart.

          • BSM

            I mean… they’re just so good. Perhaps I’ll retile my backsplash with them? Only half joking.

          • CMT

            I used mine as Christmas ornaments this year! I just tied ribbon on them.

          • JC

            THIS. THIS IS BRILLIANT.

          • A single sarah

            Genius! Copying forever!!!

          • toomanybooks

            Sounds like it’s time to cut the sleeves off the denim jacket, pin a screenprint of Hillary’s face onto the back, and cover it with campaign pins… Or am I the only one who went to “punk denim vest” here

          • Lexipedia

            I got that one too!

          • CMT

            I just ordered that set so I could get that one pin!

          • I just bought that set, and 4 enamel pins. Two for me, and one for each of my closest ladies. Oh, and the woman card. Because of this thread. I can’t not.

      • Laura C

        I did not see those. I did get the pack of convention signs…

    • Olive

      I can’t get over the woman cards! Too perfect!

    • Keeks

      All the merch is SO GOOD. I love the Chillary Clinton koozies! https://shop.hillaryclinton.com/products/copy-of-chillary-clinton-can-holder-combo

    • Giselle

      I just bought my t-shirt because of reading your comment. :D

  • Jessica

    I’ve found my escapism from politics, and it is old episodes of the Vaginal Fantasy book club, led by Felicia Day. They discuss romance/erotic novels and are generally pleasant and funny to listen to. http://vaginalfantasy.com/

  • CMT

    OMG last night was great! I’m actually kind of glad the convention is over; I used up a lot of emotional energy watching it this week. Khizr Khan’s speech was AMAZING. I think my favorite of the whole week. Watching Hillary accept the nomination was fantastic and I cried and cried. And watching her and Bill and Tim Kaine play with those balloons looking so happy was adorable the best ever.

  • BSM

    YOU GUYZZZZ SHE CRUSHED IT I’M SO EXCITED SORRY NOT SORRY FOR THE CAPS LOCK!!!!!!!

    • BSM

      This has been me for the past 24 hours

      • emilyg25

        Me all week! So many of the speeches were hit exactly that positive, rise up together note that makes my soul sing. It’s been a good week in this house. I am, as ever, so very proud to be a Democrat.

        • MC

          When she walked onto the stage after Obama’s speech I GASPED, I was so excited to see her after hearing all the amazing speeches about her all week!

        • Kalë

          Michelle Obama’s had me doing the above Kermit move

        • BSM

          Too many amazing speeches to count. It was a wonderful week.

  • Amy March

    HRC: Bringing back the white pantsuit as a wedding look?

    • BSM

      We’ll marry you, girl <3 <3 <3

    • NolaJael

      OMG, I legitimately considered wearing a white “Hillary pantsuit” for my wedding in September. Decided against going that route, but I’m still wearing a white-on-white blazer / lace shirt combo, but I swear I bought it before the convention. Also, Hillary looked AMAZING last night. The end.

    • emilyg25

      I really, really, really wanted to wear a fitted cream tuxedo for my wedding. Cropped blazer. Ankle length pants. Satin lapel and stripes on the pants. Sequin blouse. Platform heels. But I didn’t know where to find such a thing and it wasn’t right for my summer backyard BBQ wedding. But I have definitely told my husband that next time, I’m wearing that.

  • Kalë

    I called my mom after Hillary’s speech last night and yall, she was in tears. It wasn’t until then that the full impact of a woman president really hit me – I kind of realized this is a Moment In Time, y’know? While Hillary isn’t my favorite politician ever, she is truly monumental, and the mixture of pride/humility she had last night was so, so powerful and moving. I mean, my mom had to quit her first job in the 70’s because of sexism, and ended up changing her whole career trajectory (field biology to teaching) because the pressures of working in a male-dominated field were so great. My great grandmother wasn’t even able to vote when she got married – this is all in my family’s lifetime, not ancient history; it’s REAL. And now… I’m crying happy tears too, just thinking about what this election means to all the moms, grandmas, and great grandmas – not to mention US, and our (future) daughters, and granddaughters. Powerful stuff.

    • Sparkles

      I was listening to a radio show a few weeks ago about gender in politics, and the intro was this blurb about how she was likely to be the first female presidential nominee. I could not stop sobbing. I’m Canadian, and I’m not even that invested in US politics, but the significance of it is just so freaking moving.

      • Kalë

        It’s this tangible sign of equality that, until now, has never been quite real. Incredibly moving, especially when thinking about it in the scope of time – 75-ish years ago (ONE LIFETIME), many women didn’t/couldn’t work outside the home. And now, there’s the very real possibility of one in the Oval Office. <3

        • Sparkles

          As an international observer, I think that there’s a lot of significance to it from just a setting example perspective. Like a lot of countries look to the US as this ideal, but in so many ways the politics and social norms are pretty regressive. That they’ve elected both a POC and (potentially) a woman in the span of 10 years really speaks to an evolution that I really hope the rest of the world sees. There’s so much to it that makes me really emotional.

  • JC

    So many feelings this week. Michelle Obama’s grace. Bernie’s tears of mingled pride and disappointment, which I empathize with. Bill’s utter delight. The videos. The love. The people who used my religion to evoke compassion and strive for peace, not bludgeon with hate. The dad jokes.

    What put it over the top was President Obama’s speech. Ruth Bader Ginsburg calls Chief Justice Rehnquist “My Chief.” I think I’m always going to think of President Obama as “My President.” He is the first one I ever voted for, the first politician to grab my heart as an adult and inspire me to greater things. My boyfriend said it perfectly on Wednesday night, that we will always have special relationships with our presidents. My relationship with President Obama is of unending optimism and a lot of innocence (with a dash of naivete). He helped me grow up. Now, deep deep in my heart, I am yearning for a new presidential relationship with the woman who accepted the nomination from my party, who works harder than anyone else and believes that’s her responsibility to the world, even a world that has been unkind to her. A woman who is wicked smart and believes that is essential to her humanity, not opposed to it. If and when this finally comes to fruition, I think my heart my burst.

    • JC
      • Ha, so what did you think of The Atlantic piece?

        • JC

          I loved it. I really admire your well-organized response to the first letter writer’s argument that felt rather piecemeal and incoherent to me. I actually don’t have any kind of point-by-point reaction, though. I find myself, each time I read it, trying to make your experience a direct 1-1 correlation with my white experience of something else– perhaps my gender. But I know that it doesn’t work that way, and so my goal in reading it (and I’ve read it a few times now) is to really listen as deeply as possible. This is made easier by the fact that I “know” you and your writing here on APW, and it helps me mentally construct a listening habit to better make that my default reaction. I can connect with you (and the original LW as well) and see your full humanity without leaning back on “that’s because I’ve experienced the same thing.” I hope that doesn’t come across as arrogant, because I don’t mean to be prideful about it, just that my impulse as a critic is to seek out examples to explicate and respond to, but that’s not the only or best way to be present for people. I appreciate the opportunity to push back on that impulse intentionally.

    • Danielle

      Michelle Obama gave me CHILLS.

      She is so gorgeous, smart and friendly-seeming.

      Michelle in 2024!!

      • JC

        She can have all my votes.

      • Kalë

        YES! Love MO! She is as fierce as she is tender, and as smart as she is funny. I’ve continually been humbled by her grace in the face of ugliness throughout the past 8 years.

      • NolaJael

        Hands down, the best speech of the convention. She’s perfection.

    • MC

      I have lots of mixed feelings about Bill Clinton, but seeing him BEAMING with pride when Chelsea & Hillary were talking made my heart very happy.

      • JC

        Yes definitely. I don’t know what he was actually thinking, but what I read in his face was, “No perfect family has ever had this happen, and our family is far from perfect. This is a blessing I never could have deserved, and I better appreciate it.”

        • BSM

          I thought mostly unbridled pride with some serious relief mixed in: “Thank God I didn’t fuck this up for her because she is the most amazing woman I’ve ever met.”

        • Laura C

          I saw him speak in 2008 between Iowa and NH, and he was so obviously in pain that she’d lost IA — I came out of that really moved by his love for her, and felt the same watching him speak on Tuesday night and then his face on the other nights.

  • ART

    I was so moved last night. I thought Secretary Clinton’s speech was fantastic, and she really nailed it. I had a lot of Berners among my friends, and they are all people I respect and have a lot in common with, and yet I felt during the primary that if I shared any excitement about Hillary, I would have been derided. I also spent a lot of the primary trying to listen to people who weren’t a lot like me and what they thought and what they based their opinions on, and I wasn’t always sure what to trust. But I am so pumped right now. I really loved her focus on how no one can do this alone. How incredibly lonely and overwhelming is it to feel like you have to address a problem alone? And how effective can one person possibly be? We need coalitions. We need communities. We need multiple, diverse voices in the formation and implementation of solutions. I, personally, need to refocus my passion on constructive work and try not to let the OMGWTFness of the Trump campaign get me off that path. I am also pumped about Tim Kaine, now that I’ve heard from him and about him. I shared a couple months ago that in searching for a house, I’ve had a tough time with the Green Dot/Red Dot school ratings and associated property values, the segregated nature of school districts in my area, and wondering how to do the best for my future kids while raising them to truly value diversity and social justice and have a greater understanding of what that means than I did growing up. Hearing Kaine praise his Republican father in law for his response to school desegregation and the impact it had on his wife (Anne Holton, who sounds kinda great in her own right!) helped me with that. I don’t look to Clinton as a perfect person who’s going to single-handedly fix a bunch of stuff (or single-handedly wreck anything), I see her as someone willing to do the dirty work and bring in the right people to move us forward.

    Anyway, tl;dr, Hillz rocked it and I am so on board! My nearest swing state is Nevada and I’m wondering if there will be something like rides-to-polls volunteer opportunities on election day, I would do it.

    • Mary Jo TC

      As the education policy watcher who I think talked to you here about your school ratings issue, I’ve also been encouraged by HRC’s choice of Tim Kaine. I didn’t know a thing about him before she picked him, but what I’ve read about him this week makes it seem like this choice might indicate HRC is going to dial back the worst of Obama’s education policies. Diane Ravitch, my education policy guru, likes Kaine, and that’s good enough for me.

      • MC

        My husband is a public school teacher and we were both so impressed that Kaine sent all three of his kids to public schools – even our small-town mayor sends one of his kids to private school because he *can.*

      • E.

        Right there with you on Obama and his education policies! I’m going to have to research Tim Kaine now :)

      • Laura C

        Yes! I was really pleased to see good signals about Kaine’s education stance, but I’d missed the Ravitch seal of approval. Must tell my parents this.

      • Kat

        Does anyone have some good articles regarding his education stances? My mom is a public school teacher and registered Republican. She’s told me she’ll be voting based on VP choices, and I’d like to send her some info that isn’t coming directly from FOX News : /

  • emmers

    Learned yesterday that I’ll be having a miscarriage soon. I’m sad, but watching Hillary kick ass last night was good, and seeing so many people so moved was awesome (& loved the balloon avalanche!). And in some small ways, I’m taking comfort in that sooo many other women have walked this road before!

    • ART

      Oh (((emmers))). I am so sorry, all the love.

    • Jsk

      I’m sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself.

    • April

      Aw man, I’m so sorry. :(

    • Danielle

      I’m so sorry.

      <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

      (Also, isn't it a wierd thing that so many women have experienced it, but it's so secret, that most of the time we don't even know?)

      <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

    • Lisa

      I’m so sorry. Sending lots of good thoughts your way.

    • I’m so very sorry *hugs*

    • Cellistec

      So sorry you’re going through this. Take comfort in whatever you can, Hillary included.

    • rg223

      I’m so sorry. I’m glad you’re finding comfort in small ways.

    • Rebekah Jane

      My heart breaks for you and I’m sending you positive thoughts right now

    • AGCourtney

      I”m so sorry, emmers. <333 wishing you peace and comfort and sending positive thoughts your way.

    • Laura C

      Best wishes from someone who’s been there…

    • E.

      So, so sorry for your loss. Sending you a big internet hug.

    • Jess

      Emmers, I’m so sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself right now.

    • KEA1

      Oh dear. I am so sorry for your loss and for you having to know it’s coming. Internet hugs, and my hope that the days ahead will eventually bring you comfort.

    • emmers

      Thanks, guys. This internet love is really sweet. It means a lot. Been having a few milkshakes for self care.

  • stephanie
    • Amy March

      Where is my LazyGirl guide to having a massive ball drop at your wedding? Why have you guys not made this a thing? #priorites

      • NolaJael

        My sister just asked me this!! She wants a balloon drop at my wedding, ASAP!

    • Sara

      Ha that’s adorable.

    • BSM

      This plus all the Tim Kaine is America’s favorite dad jokes has brought me so much joy.

      • JC

        John Oliver called Tim Kaine “a tall glass of Lactaid.” Dying.

        • BSM

          Tim Kaine is totally that dad who buys those performance/sport/sweat-wicking polos with your school’s mascot on them from the booster club… In both colors.

          • JC

            Tim Kaine knows all the words to your favorite rap songs but he hums the cuss words.
            -Stolen from someone on Twitter. Gotta give credit.
            (PS that is also accurate for my own father.)

      • Jess

        Jalopnik had a collection of Tim Kaine car related dad jokes. It was excellent and made a stressful day much better.

        This was my favorite: “Tim Kaine will always stop to help someone with a dead battery, and he always pretends to electrocute himself with the jumper cables.”

      • CP2011

        We were CRACKING UP watching him waive and gesture to the crowd. So sincere and soooo goofy

  • Angelur

    Hey everyone! I have had the worst week. I went in to the doctor’s on Wednesday to check out a lump I found on my right breast about a week ago. He was all, “oh, this is probably nothing, very common in women your age (I’m 27) but just in case let’s get you an ultrasound.” I went in for that yesterday morning, thinking I’d just pop in and be at work within the hour. The ultrasound tech had the radiologist come in, who ordered a mammogram, and after seeing that decided I needed a biopsy. She told me, “I just want to be straight with you. This is either the result of some sort of trauma (like I bumped myself or something), or it’s cancer.” I find out the results of the biopsy late Monday or Tuesday.
    I am just so, so shocked and scared. I have been very healthy my whole life, I’m very young, and I have no family history of breast cancer or, really, any cancer (my grandma died of lung cancer but she was a smoker). My husband is out of the country right now doing research and I’m supposed to go meet him for a week of vacation at the end of next week (they told me I’d have a diagnosis by then and should plan to go no matter what). Thankfully I have a very good friend, a cancer survivor herself, who was able to pick me up and take me back to her place last night. She’s on call this weekend, as is my mom, and of course my husband (though it’s been hard with the time difference). I have a great support system. But I looked up breast cancer survival rates in young women (I KNOW I know I shouldn’t be Googling) and was shocked to find out that actually there are far worse survival rates, more aggressive cancers, and higher rates of recurrence associated with younger patients. Plus my husband and I were supposed to start trying to conceive in the next month or two…and now it feels like all of that could be slipping away. At the same time, I play kickball, and I have a distinct memory (I think!?!?!) of a ball hitting me really hard in the chest a couple of weeks ago, to the point where I was stinging for awhile afterward. So maybe that’s all it is…
    If you guys could keep me in your thoughts this weekend, that would be so good. APW has meant a lot to me, though I’m usually a more passive reader. It’s so great to know that there’s this community of compassionate people out there going through so many of the same things I am.

    • Lindsay

      oh my gosh. that sounds so scary and stressful. sending love to you, and i am hopeful for good news next week. <3

    • Essssss

      Sending so much good energy, that is such a scary place to be. It is so uncomfortable to be in the space of not knowing. I hope you can try to stay in the present not think about the future too much, just know the only answer at the moment is, that you don’t know. I found a lump when I was 25 and after a sonogram and a mamogram it turned out to be OK, but the anxiety in the in between spaces is something I can relate to and just send you all the best.

      PS Stop googling. For realz. <3

      • Angelur

        Thank you–it’s so good to know that people have been through similar things where everything turned out okay in the end.

        • Nicole

          yesssss – I’ve had a similar situation with a lump in a lymph node and I know of two people with the same thing with lumps in breasts – all fine. It’s so scary and stressful but it can (and often does!) turn out okay!

    • April

      Oh man, I’m hoping for good news! That sounds really rough. :(

      Also: I second stopping the googling. No good ever came from googling health issues.

    • Cellistec

      Holy crap. That’s so, so scary and I hope it turns out to be a huge false alarm. Sending you all the good thoughts.

    • Sending you positivity and best wishes. And I agree, stop the Googling! I’m a Googler myself and trust me, working yourself up for no reason is never any good.

    • rg223

      Oh gosh, good luck to you. Hope you can find some peace in self-care this weekend.

    • Rebekah Jane

      A large part of my career has been writing about cancer research and you have done everything right – you felt an issue, you went to the doctor, you got testing done. Now, put down the internet and do something nice for yourself. You deserve a reward after all of those scary yet positive steps you’ve already taken!

      • Angelur

        My mom pretty much said the same thing– just to be extra nice to myself. Thank you :]

    • ART

      “No googling” was just about the first thing the doctors told us when my brother was diagnosed with an extremely aggressive leukemia (that he successfully fought 15 years ago). They said things move so swiftly that internet info gets out of date fast, and can’t possibly tell you about your own set of circumstances. I will be thinking good thoughts for you!

      • Angelur

        Thank you–this is definitely reassuring. So true that “the internet” can’t tell me anything specific about what’s going on in my body.

      • Laura C

        The problem is, oncologists notoriously refuse to tell you what’s going on either, and tend to push their own agendas.

        There’s plenty of good info on the internet. You just need to know how to tell what’s reliable and what’s not, and that is not something you can necessarily pick up on the fly.

    • LP

      As a 22 year old breast cancer survivor, I feel your pain. Hugs and prayers for you.

    • emmers

      God, I am so so sorry. That feeling of expecting something to be routine, and then it’s not, is so jarring. Keep leaning on your support system, do things to be kind to yourself, and try to stay busy with non- Internet-rabbit-hole things while you wait. Sending up a prayer for you.

    • Thinking of you. And I’m sure it must be extra difficult with your husband out of the country. I am glad you will be seeing each other soon….

    • Michela

      I’m so sorry you’ve had such a shitty week. That is truly a doozy. Seconding the APWers here and saying- do what makes you feel comforted. Take a bath, drink some wine, go for a run, hit your pillowcases, whatever it is- take care of yourself.

    • Giselle

      Sending a big internet hug your way. If you’re into outside stuff go do something awesome this weekend to get happy, like a last minute surf lesson or early morning hike. Or skydive. Whatever floats your boat. And if you’re into inside stuff, do that! Whatever you wouldn’t do in a couple months if you were able to conceive instead of the scary “if I have cancer”. And another hug.

    • Ashlah

      Oh gosh, I’m so late to this, and you must (I hope) have answers by now. I had a cancer scare a little over a year ago, and I know how awful the waiting and the googling and the worrying is. I’m lying here hoping with all I have that you received good news.

  • Essssss

    Thanks for all the day-before-wedding group event ideas you guys helped me with last week when my friend’s pre-wedding BBQ plan fell through. We’ve got a room reserved at a brewery that is family friendly til late and are providing yummy apps. It was super easy to put together and everyone is looking forward to it!

    • Eenie

      Take pictures! We forgot to take pictures at our day before event. We were busy having too much fun ;)

      • Essssss

        Good call, thanks!

      • emmers

        Even better- assign a nice auntie or friend(s) to take them! I am usually the family photographer, but def wouldn’t have been able to for our pre wedding stuff.

        • Eenie

          @disqus_GmqZhDvhVU:disqus is a friend, I would never tell the couple getting married to take photos :)

      • Michela

        I second this. Our rehearsal dinner was a raging party, and I wish we had photos!

  • April

    So, I’m trying to build a situation for myself where I can make a living off of my (sort of already started) soap business and selling my art. I’ve done the business plan thing but it’s a bit weird right now because I don’t have a dedicated work space (fine for the art but pretty annoying for the bath products) and I’ve signed up for a weekly slot at the farmers market while I’m getting everything sorted out. I know it takes a while to build things up, my partner is super supportive and is okay with me not bringing in money right now while I get started.

    The reality is that I’m not making money right now and I feel kind of like a mooch and I’ve been getting really discouraged even though it’s only been a couple of weeks. The fact that I don’t have a license (needed to get to the surrounding towns) and I won’t have a dedicated work space for another two months are HUGE problems but I’ve been working on it. I had someone that is a family friend come up to me at the farmers market and ask me what I ACTUALLY do (this person is a complete stranger to me but knows my in-laws) which made me feel a lot more garbage-y than it should have.

    Meh. I keep thinking of myself as an unemployed mooch and keep thinking that maybe I should just get a “real job” already… I’m not sure how long I should keep hacking away at it until it’s a confirmed failure and I pack it in. Maybe I just need to feel less demoralized?

    Any advice?

    • Amy March

      Well, the way I see it you can go one of two ways. A) Just get a real job already if you’re making no money and feel guilty about it. It’s okay to realize you thought you’d be okay with your plan, but you actually feel stronger about contributing monetarily to your partnership than you realized. OR B) Quit your moping! Did your business plan predict you’d be turning a profit a couple weeks in? Doubtful! What are your action steps now? What’s your plan to get a license? What can you rearrange to have more space to work now? I think either way is fine, but you have to pick one and lean in. It isn’t fair to yourself or to your partner to be mopey and discouraged after a couple weeks!

      • April

        Real Talk with Amy March. lol

        You are very right that it isn’t fair to either of us for me to be moping about a thing that was expected and that we both agreed on. And I LIKE what I’m doing now. I think I just need that mental shift to go from “unemployed” to “self employed” and I think I’ll feel a bit better. The license will be the main thing so maybe I’ll just focus on that for the time being instead of getting overwhelmed by the whole thing.

      • There’s also Option C) Keep pursuing your soap business and take on a part-time job too to bring in money and add a little more stability to balance out the unknowns of the start-up.

        After years of having a “day job’ and an artistic passion I pursued nights/weekends/whenever I could and thinking that I would one day do my art full time, I realized that NOT doing that brings a huge amount of freedom. I have a “day job” that I enjoy. It’s actually artistic and uses my skills, so it’s a great match for me, and I do my art on a per-project basis. Over the last few months, I’ve realized how lucky I am that I don’t have to work on artistic projects I don’t want to just to earn the money. I have the freedom to only do what I really want to do, artistically, because I support myself financially with my other work. I guess I’ve reframed it. (Before I would have seen it as not being able to make a living off my art; now it’s that I make my living doing something I like that gives me the freedom–and flexibility, I’m lucky–to also pursue my art.

        • And April, I’m not saying it’s the right choice for now or anything! It’s just another option down the road. A both-and approach…

    • Eenie

      Based on your business plan, pick a date to throw in the towel if it’s still not profitable (or you still feel like a mooch). Then stop feeling guilty about having a supportive partner who wants to see you succeed! You don’t want to be sitting at your “real” job and feeling like a failure because you gave up too soon.

      I’m unemployed at the moment and feel bad for not bringing money in. My husband said it’s really nice to not come home from work to me crying several times a week like when I was with my nightmare job. It’s worth way more to him than the money I could still be making. I bet your partner enjoys seeing your hard work grow a business. Wouldn’t be supporting you otherwise.

      • April

        Yeah, and I know my husband feels awesome about being able to support me and help me do something that I’ve always wanted to do but couldn’t really do on my own. He hated seeing me at my old job because I didn’t like it AT ALL and now he gets to help me do something I love. I just need to shake that guilt over… not working a job I don’t like? idk.

      • Nicole

        I read this awesome book called “Decisive” by Dan and Chip Heath, and they talk about this as being a “trip-wire” – a way to realize if a decision was wrong, since a bit part of good decision making is knowing when to stop if it was not the right decision. Examples might be dates or even $$$ (I will spend $XXX) but if I’m not bringing in revenue by the time I’ve spend $XXX, or b X date, it’s time to re-evaluate. Re-evaluating doesn’t necessarily mean throwing in the towel, but might mean taking a part-time job or re-doing the business plan or something. It’s an awesome book and has helped my husband and I make some tough decisions more clearly and confidently and with better communication, and has even helped me to take some risks I don’t think I would have felt comfortable taking in the past.

    • ART

      A couple weeks is not so long, in the scheme of a new business. Sounds like you’re doing the research on licensing and all of that, so I’m sure you’ll get that handled. My husband started a business the week after our honeymoon. It has been two years and we are basically paying for the startup costs (which for him were huge) with the money he brings in, but have not made a profit yet. We do hope to next year. Meanwhile, he has a half time job in a related field and I think he learns a lot from that (client service, budgeting, etc.) while also bringing home a paycheck (about half of what I make). So for him, that balance works out while we’re still building up to being able to take home money from the business, and is in some ways supportive of his business skills. I pitch in a lot despite having my own career, and sometimes I do get resentful and we talk about rebalancing. It has been challenging but I think good for our relationship to figure these things out.

      What’s your elevator pitch/response to the what do you really do question? It should probably be something like “I am a small business owner focusing on X products for Y reasons.” You are really doing this. If to you, the answer is “well, nothing,” then you may have to decide if you are indeed committed to this goal. Know that having a business is about a lot more than your primary product or service, it’s about bookkeeping, taxes, licenses, keeping customers happy, marketing, looking for trends, knowing your competition, knowing your market, etc. Are you confident that you’re interested in making all that happen? Have you defined what “confirmed failure” means for you?

      • April

        I am definitely committed, I was actually working on a lot of this stuff while I had my full time job so I have all my pricing worked out, spread sheets on spread sheets and several years of retail experience so I know how to sell and what customer service is. I’ve got my license for the business and all my insurance etc, I need my drivers license because I just moved from a big city where no one drives to a small town where you need to drive. I do think I need to come up with a good response to people asking me what I “really do” just for my own piece of mind. I hate feeling like I need to explain my life decisions to complete strangers.

        • ART

          Ah, drivers license, I missed that.

    • Rebekah Jane

      Ok – I know this feeling. Working freelance and contract jobs for a while meant that sometimes I was unemployed and it felt awful. I was frustrated, irritable and embarrassed any time the subject of money came up, particularly since my fiance was having to occasionally support us on one salary. But what comforted me is knowing that I was doing something – I was applying for jobs, I was contacting everyone I knew, I was taking on tiny writing projects to help cover at least a few bills – and you are absolutely doing something! All businesses take time (just ask my father, the man who has been “getting a business off the ground” for over a decade) and you are doing everything in your power to do-moochify yourself. Keep working on that license, plan out every detail of your dedicated workspace and create as much as you can right now.

      And as for what you ACTUALLY do? You own your own business. Sit down, stranger, and observe a woman pursuing a dream!

      • April

        This was REALLY nice to read. I am a business owner, this was a decision that we both made together and we both knew it would take a while to get off the ground, especially since we both just moved to a new town 3 months ago. I have definitely been actually doing things and I know it would take a bit of time to get going. I really need to just get that mental shift and OWN owning my own business. Businesses don’t turn a profit all the time, it doesn’t mean they don’t exist!

  • louise danger

    y’all why are there so many rad wedding photographers out there @____@ i do not know who to pick they are all too cool

    also my wedding has a theme! or at least an aesthetic: Grace Kelly’s younger hipster/hippie sister is getting married. hoping it evokes for y’all what it evokes in my mind. :D

    • Lisa

      So true! We chose our photographer because we loved his portfolio, and then once we met with him, we just really clicked. As we walked away from the Starbucks where we’d met to go over his work, my husband said, “Let’s book him now before anyone else does.” It was one of the best choices for our wedding! You spend so much of the day with your photographer(s) that you need to make sure you like them as people as well as appreciating their final product.

    • I agree with Lisa – we loved our photographer’s work/shooting style, but we also totally clicked with her. I met her originally at a wedding fair, and after my husband met her, he wanted to book her immediately. Having someone you click with makes the working relationship so much better.

  • cpostrophe

    we’re getting married next Saturday and this week, I sent a master timetable spreadsheet to all of our vendors, friendors, volunteers, and wedding party. The spreadsheet was a heavily modified version of the APW timetable, and everyone was pretty blown away. Like, my fiancee and I went to meet up with our Rehearsal Dinner coordinator later that day, and she greeted us with a printout of the spreadsheet in hand and waved it at us.

    “OMG, you guys! THIS EMAIL! So clutch! I waved my boss over to have them look at it and ask why we can’t we get all of our clients to be this organized.”

    Anyway, as we’re getting into the final days, I just wanted to post on Happy Hour that I’m grateful for The APW Timetable. I’m grateful for “Questions That You Should Ask Your Venue.” I’m grateful for “How To Stage Manage Your Wedding.” I’m grateful for all of the thoughtful articles and all of the examples of weddings that are traditional, mixed-race, LGBT, distinct and lovely and beautiful. We knew nothing about what we wanted when we started talking about a wedding nine months ago (9!) but this site was so important in helping us find our own way there. Thank you everyone!

    AND YAY FOR HILLARY! YAY FOR DECENCY AND COMPETENCE AND DOING THE HARD, NECESSARY WORK!

    • Robyncestrella4

      <<o. ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★:::::::!!br947p:….,….

    • Micheleekott

      <<o. ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★:::::::!!bt589p:….,…

    • Jess

      Woo! Congrats! I’m getting married next Sunday and have also been distributing my edited version of the APW timeline and getting awesome feedback also.

      I feel your feels on the gratefulness and would love to add my wholehearted appreciation for how amazing this community is and what a resource APW is! This website and community have been key to my sanity over the last 8 months while planning and gave my partner and I really valuable tools about how to figure out what kind of wedding we want to have.

      Good luck next Saturday – I hope you have an awesome time!

      PS I am a stage manager by trade and am lucky enough to have a good friend (and fellow stage manager) be stage managing the wedding – putting the binder together feels SO good knowing I will be able to pass it off.

      PPS I live in Canada and I’ve never watched the RNC or DNC before… holy toledo I’m glad our campaigning is a maximum of 78 days. Nevertheless, WOO HILARY!!!!!!

      • cpostrophe

        High Five on almost married! Good luck next week and likewise to you on having a wonderful day.

        Also, as a Canadian, I’ve spent enough time selling my American neighbors on the virtues of parliamentary democracy with short campaigns, votes of no confidence, and ridings being better than swing states. I really think it’s a better option, but until then, I’m doing what I can to support my friends in navigating their existing system.

        • Tinamerwin4

          <<a:t. ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★:::::::!!bc431a:….,

    • Lynncly2

      <<o. ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★:::::::!!bq88p:….,….

  • Cellistec

    I refinanced my student loans! Adulthood win! I mean, I still HAVE said loans, but at least now they’re cheaper and won’t take as long to pay off.

    • CP2011

      Did you use SoFi? Were they just private?

      • Cellistec

        They’re Stafford, and I went through Earnest after shopping around. Since my credit score is better now than when I was in college, I got a better interest rate and can pay them off faster. I didn’t even know refinancing student loans was a thing until last week, and I wish I’d done it earlier.

  • Fiona

    I legit sat on the couch during Obama’s speech crying the whole time. This is the first campaign I worked on and the first president I voted for. He has led this country with poise and grace and is a shining example of American leadership. I’m SO conflicted because I’m so glad to see the day when our nation’s leader could be a woman, and Clinton’s speech (both of them) had me tearing up last night, but I have real and deep-seated worries. Twitter user @WintanaMN sums it up, “It’s Black and Brown women who sweep the floors after white women break glass ceilings.” I say this as a white, disabled woman who is the head of my household – this campaign should have spoken right to me. I’m not there yet, and I so want to be.

    • Anon

      Genuine question: Why do you like Obama so much but not Hillary? They are remarkably similar in their policy positions and while Hillary gets a lot of (often rightful) flack for her decisions as Secretary of State and particularly its impact on women abroad, Obama was ultimately her boss during that time and none of it would have happened if he hadn’t signed off on it. Unless you’re thinking of something else?

      Again, genuinely no snark–I’ve just often been confused by Obama fans who dislike Hillary and would appreciate clarification.

      • Fiona

        I just liked his speech. I’ve been genuinely frustrated that though he ran as the anti-war candidate, his actual presidency has been much less so, and since he has become president, I have learned a lot more about Israel-Palestine (having visited recently as well, and read several good books), and the Clintons have a strong pro-Israel policy that makes me intensely uncomfortable.

        • Eenie

          Agreeing with Fiona – the pro-Israel policy is what bothers me most about Clinton right now.

        • Anon

          That’s totally fair. Thanks so much for answering! Israel-Palestine was not something I thought of and is good food for thought. Overall, think her nomination and eventual presidency are historic and important (considering the opposition especially), but I don’t think she should be entirely immune to criticism due to that.

      • MC

        One thing that is interesting is that since Hillary is coming into this election SO ridiculously qualified, particularly in terms of foreign policy, there is a lot more to judge her on than say, when Obama ran in 2008 or when Bill Clinton ran in 1992, or when Bush ran in 2000. (Al Gore, having been Clinton’s VP, is a notable exception, but he reallllly distanced himself from Clinton & his actions during the race from what I remember). Anyway, I really liked this Vox article that examined if she really is that hawkish in foreign policy:
        http://www.vox.com/2016/4/27/11504272/hillary-clinton-hawk

        Notably, that article doesn’t mention Israel, and I do think her pro-Israel stance gives a lot of people pause, myself included. BUT what I do think is hard for many liberals to reconcile re: foreign policy is that diplomacy and preventing conflicts and preventing human rights violations (all the things liberals want!) can be hard to accomplish without the presence of military troops. Yes, there are trade embargoes and sanctions and ways the US can wield power economically, but in a lot of instances those aren’t effective. I’m thinking about WWII, where the holocaust was happening for so many years before the US intervened and were instrumental in ending the war. I’m thinking about the Rwandan genocide, when Bill Clinton did not lend US support and was WIDELY criticized. Is it any surprise that Hillary as SOS would want to lend military support to Syria when their leader was gassing citizens?

        For better or for worse, the US has a lot of military power and I think it sometimes can be used for good. It’s a very thin line to walk, and lord knows Americans have fucked it up more often than not, but I don’t think being isolationist is the answer, either, at least not for the next couple decades.

        TL;DR Hillary is inheriting a long complicated history of US military intervention where often people are damned if they do, damned if they don’t. And foreign policy is complicated! But I recently realized that I’d thought about it as a very black-and-white issue for a long time (No wars!) and have been challenging myself to learn more about the complexity of diplomacy and military involvement.

        • Cellistec

          ALL OF THIS. Our brains are twins.

  • Michela

    Contributing to my first HH after realizing last week that HH has a DOPE comments suction- doh!

    Ups for this week: met with a financial planner; ditched financial planner (for charging 5+% for load funds) and signed up with Vanguard; fully funded T’s Roth IRA; worked late and kicked ass at the office
    Downs for this week: didn’t make it to the gym ONCE because of working late and kicking ass; feeling really undervalued at work due to delayed promotion, mindless busy work, and essentially doing everyone’s low-priority shit jobs.

    Any advice for voicing frustrations over work responsibilities while not looking like a whiny, non-team player? This job isn’t a long-term thing for me because we plan to move next year, yet it sort of feels like a prison sentence (sometimes I mentally count down the days till we plan to leave and I feel like I’m etching my time served on a cinderblock wall). I have so much more to offer, yet I mostly just copy numbers from one spreadsheet to another and sit in my boss’s office so she can think out loud and not take my input on anything. Any advice on how to cope? I’m feeling really frustrated.

    On a better note, I’m antiquing with a friend tomorrow and that is exciting! Yay for recycling pretty things.

    xoM

    • Lisa

      I feel like we’re in the same place job-wise, down to the cinder blocks. We plan to relocate after my husband finishes his degree next spring. I’m also getting through it by thinking about “This too shall pass.” When I’m doing those mundane numbers tasks, I like to put on a podcast or TV show on my computer that helps pass the time. Would something like that be possible for you?

      Also I watched John Oliver’s segment about financial planning and am now skeptical of the idea of planners. When my husband returns, I’m hoping to convince him to pay off his student loans in full so we can then open a Vanguard account and start dumping money in there instead.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gvZSpET11ZY

      • Michela

        A podcast is definitely possible. I need to try that. Thanks for the suggestion!

        And yes, I’m skeptical too (will watch that link tonight- thanks for forwarding!). Our friend who has done years of research on his own time gave us a few “test” questions, one being the load funds. He said if the financial planner suggested load funds, we should get up and walk out. Well the planner DID recommend them at 5%, meaning every time we contribute to our investment portfolio, we lose 5%. At Vanguard, it’s something like 0.2%. And from what I understand about the market in general, we have the advantage of time on our side. A planner can’t return to you much more than the rates the market will return to you in the long run, especially when you factor in the cost of a planner. I see the advantage for people who don’t know where to begin or who started late and need a more aggressive strategy, but we have 3 business degrees between us and T owns his own company, so we’re doing alright. Let me know what you and your husband end up doing!

        In the meantime- solidarity on the job stuff. This too shall pass.xo

      • emmers

        I love John Oliver! That was a good episode.

      • emilyg25

        My understanding is that unless you’re extraordinarily wealthy or have some other special circumstance, a financial planner won’t do you more good than getting a rudimentary education in Finances 101 online.

        • Michela

          Yup. That seems to be the consensus. Thanks for confirming!

      • Michela

        Also- just watched this. So incredible. Reinforced all the decisions we made this week. Thanks for sharing! I’ve passed it along to several friends already.xo

    • AP

      High five on Vanguard! My husband and I did the same a few months ago and are really happy with it. I had an old 401K just sitting around that needed to be rolled into an IRA, which was the kick in the pants we needed to get serious and find an investment company. I love that I can add money whenever I want and the fees are low.

      • Michela

        Oh I’m so happy to hear you like it! T made the account while I was at work so I haven’t logged in myself, but he said it was really easy to use and seemed relatively straightforward.

        Did you have an easy enough time rolling over your 401K into an IRA? I anticipate needing to do that next year, and I’d love to hear how it went for you. Tips?

        • AP

          It was a few months ago, but if memory serves it was pretty easy. All I had to do was open a Vanguard account online, and I believe they opened a brokerage holding-type account for funds to roll into before making me select any actual investments. (I might have had to transfer like $100 dollars from my bank account to open the account.) Then I think I contacted my 401K company and gave them the Vanguard account info, and they sent me some papers to sign and then the money went to Vanguard! And then I moved the funds from the brokerage account into the investments. My husband downloaded the Simple Path to Wealth on Kindle and I’m about to start reading it. The author blogs here: http://jlcollinsnh.com/stock-series/ and his information about investing is what we’ve been using to help us with planning. It’s very practical!

          • Lisa

            So is it a retirement account like a 401K you’re investing in at Vanguard, or are you investing individually in their index funds? I’ve got a couple of different 403b accounts through my current employer and a Roth at the same company (TIAA-CREF), but I’m curious if you’re investing everything with Vanguard or are using it as an additional tool?

          • AP

            What I have now is all invested at Vanguard. The 401k I had from an old job was performing poorly with high fees at Great West retirement, and I didn’t see another 401k in my future any time soon (yay, non-profit career!) so I decided to move it into something I had more control over and could continue to add to. Since it was a traditional 401k, I had to roll it into a traditional IRA. My husband and I did a ton of research and decided to put all the funds from that IRA into one Vanguard index fund (VTSAX specifically.) Between the two of us, we have a combination of Vanguard Roth/traditional IRAs in a few different index funds, in addition to his 401k with his current job. I’m not sure what company handles his 401k, though. He only gets a company match if they meet certain company-wide quotas, so it’s not ideal, but it allows us to spread out our retirement a little. If he leaves that job, we may decide to roll that into Vanguard as well. We’ve been happy with the low fees, the ability to control everything ourselves, and the convenience of having all our investments in one place.

  • Orangie

    How to edit your swimsuit instagram photos: http://blog.franchesca.net/post/146958705382/chescaleigh-5-easy-editing-tips-for-instagram Not terrible like the title suggests, I promise! ;)

  • BSM
    • Lisa

      I also really loved this piece about his fashion choices.

    • Keri

      :D Like when he picked up that giant one and just held it, and continued to hit other ones? “I’m taking this one with me.”

      • Eenie

        My favorite was when he was walking out with one and a little girl tried to take it from him. He moved it away from her so quickly!

        • CMT

          I read that he gave it to Charlotte, so I think there was a reason :P

    • emilyg25

      He and my one year old have about the same reaction. Love it.

  • JennDee

    Guys, we did the whole ‘big giant wedding compromise’ thing this week!

    We finally compromised with my partner’s mom about the rehearsal dinner–she’s been very adamant about getting it all planned out and finished RIGHT NOW, so it’s been a major stress for fiance and I (read: we’ve had 19 emails in the past 6 days regarding the rehearsal dinner guest list, location, food options, drink options, transportation). We were hoping to have it at the same hotel where our reception is going to be since they offer a separate space from their ballroom and an entirely different menu, but she just didn’t like that plan.

    So, partner and I had a sit-down, discussed weather or not driving 30 minutes out to the country (where she wanted to have the rehearsal dinner away from our downtown church and hotel) would be a deal-breaker, and gave her the go-ahead to do whatever she wished. We’re now having our rehearsal dinner at a quaint country B&B. She’s happy and excited, I’m no longer getting ridiculous emails that should have gone to both of us, and we won’t think about it again until next June. Partner and I celebrated our big compromise (and lack of any forthcoming stress) with a glass (read a bottle and a half) of our favorite wine.

    Cheers to the weekend, y’all!!

    • emmers

      That’s so awesome. Congrats on nailing that down! Here’s to (hopefully) fewer emails!

    • Dess

      Been there, so happy for you that you found a sanity saving solution!

    • Michela

      Congrats!! Sometimes it’s easier to relinquish control if only to avoid the endless emails. I’ve been there, and it sounds like you found a great solution. Cheers!

  • Kalë

    Also, I’m going on a long backpacking trip and just want ONE. NEW. SWIMSUIT. for it. Why is it so hard? I feel like I’ve spent all summer searching in vain. Anyone swim-savvy and want to help me crowdsource my search? Only requirements: olive green, preferably a bikini, preferably under $100.

    • BSM
      • Kalë

        Yes! I hadn’t thought to look there, but lo and behold; a simple suit, exactly what I was looking for. And they’re having an extra 50% off sale items today. Just snagged a top in Olive, and a bikini set in Earth. Thank you!!!!

        • BSM

          I love J.Crew swim on sale! Enjoy your trip!!

    • Lisa

      Looks like there are a couple at Target or someplace called Tilly’s.

    • Not Sarah

      I just got one from Nettle’s Tale and I love it! I am reasonably busty and I got the Deirdre – softest swimsuit I’ve ever had. I got the fern pattern which is olive green :) They have bikinis too. Their bottoms are amazing!!!

    • Lawyerette510

      Have you checked Athleta or Title Nine?

  • AGCourtney

    I have thoroughly enjoyed watching the DNC coverage these last few nights. What an awesome moment in time.

    My dad rents our basement, and bless his heart, he’s not completely unintelligent…but he gulps down that faux news koolaid. (I’m fine with holding differing opinions, but it’s when his information is flat-out wrong that I get enraged – what can I say, I’m a Ravenclaw.) After the first several months living together, I developed a strategy of *not engaging* when he brings up politics looking for a fight. But sometime in the next few months, there’s going to be a knock-down-drag-out fight, and I jokingly warned my husband and said he’d better get a video.

    An update in the kitchen saga: we ordered counters last week, the templates arrived, and…complications. I finally talked to the department manager today at Menards and she was wonderfully understanding and professional, so she’ll email the manufacturer and hopefully it will all get sorted out. I want to get my kitchen done~~ And today, I finally bought entrance rugs and stuff, which we have needed for quite a while.

    On that note – we have owned the house for almost exactly one year now! We closed on July 31st. <3

    • Rebekah

      Your closing date is Harry Potter’s birthday! I’m only mildly jealous (of both the homeownership and the date)

      • AGCourtney

        Oh, believe me, I am well aware! Huge, huge HP fan. The realtor suggested the date and I was like YES yes that will work nicely let’ s do that. Our wedding date a few months later was Hermione’s birthday, and that was 100% intentional.

      • Lisa

        Do you have your copy of Cursed Child pre-ordered? I’m trying to decide if I want to go to the bookstore for the release party solo, swing by at 12:30 AM to pick it up, or wait until I go to my job at the mall the next day.

        • Eenie

          Same!

    • Mary Jo TC

      Sigh. I’m at the same place as you with my father. He listens all day to conservative Cincinnati talk radio and thinks Hillary should already be in jail. Luckily, we don’t live nearby and aren’t likely to see him much before the election. And he lives in KY, not OH, so not a swing state, so his vote isn’t so crucial I feel morally compelled at least try to sway him.

      I shared this with my siblings, some of whom seem inexplicably convinced that Trump and Hillary are morally equivalent, which makes no sense to me. Then of course they started talking about 3rd parties, and I didn’t feel like going down that rabbit hole. Again, they’re in a solidly red state so it didn’t feel worth bothering.
      http://www.vox.com/2016/7/28/12281222/trump-clinton-conventions

      • AP

        I loved that article. I have the same family situation, and for my well being I just don’t engage and leave the room when politics comes up. Because the conversation is never rooted in reality. My MIL for real thinks the Clintons killed Vince Foster. There’s no way to have any meaningful dialogue when that’s where they’re coming from. And she honestly believes she’s doing a public service by sharing “the truth” on Facebook. It’s just not worth it, and like you said, Mississippi will go red regardless.

  • Laura C

    I wondered who was doing the APW tweeting…

    I am just so glad the conventions are over. Feeding the baby then working on convention coverage for my job (so a couple extra hours a day over my official back-from-parental-leave-half-time schedule) then going to bed later than usual, all while staying at various parents’ houses as our stuff makes its way to San Francisco has been…hard. Like, until now I think the most stressful couple weeks of my life were in 2014 when we moved from New York to Boston a month before my then-fiance took the bar, which was two weeks before we got married. But moving from Boston to San Francisco with a 15-week-old in a presidential year? WORSE.

    • Katherine

      You got married two weeks after the bar?! I just finished the bar and I am barely functioning, much less in any shape to get married. Kudos to y’all.

      • Laura C

        More like 10 days, actually. Also, he took two states’ bars. Also, he flew across the country for a clerkship interview between the bar and our wedding. It was awful, though luckily my husband is one of the most relaxed people ever and staged a quick recovery.

        • Katherine

          Wow, your husband sounds like some sort of superhero.

          • Laura C

            Ha. His super power is never getting stressed over anything. (Except elections.)

    • TeaforTwo

      You are so, so strong.

    • Lisa

      At least you’ve survived the convention portion! Hopefully now you all can focus on just the packing and moving. (Piece of cake, right? ;) )

    • Lawyerette510

      I thought of you last night as at least that one piece of your puzzle was past. Hope the move goes well. At least we are having good weather out here in the bay this summer: not too hot and not too thick of fog. So should be nice when you get here?

  • Katherine

    I survived the bar exam! Also, our entire apartment is packed and cleaned, and we are ready to head west tomorrow morning. We just found out we’re gonna be able to spend an extra day in Santa Fe, which is everything I want in my life right now.

    • MC

      Congrats on the bar!! Also, I live in Santa Fe and it is great! If you need a recommendation for the best New Mexican food in town, the local’s favorites are La Choza (my personal fave) and Red Enchilada. Don’t know when you’ll be getting in, but downtown will be crazy packed this weekend with the Spanish Art Market – but if you miss that or are willing to deal with crowds, the Bell Tower Bar at La Fonda has incredible views and amazing jalepeno margaritas.

      • Katherine

        We should get in Saturday night..
        And I totally forgot about Spanish Market. My family has lived in Santa Fe for years, so I really should be better about this sort of thing.

        • MC

          Ah, so you know all the local things then! My husband & I are very well-practiced in recruiting our friends to visit so I can’t help but give recommendations :)

    • joanna b.n.

      Also check out Kakawa Chocolate house for some hot chocolate…

  • Sosuli

    I found out this week that I didn’t get the job I interviewed for, spent three days on a city holiday in my home country with my in-laws (who drove me insane!), my mother is moving out of our family home (it is a long story, divorced two years ago but now she’s actually moving) and we just got our wedding pictures back from our photographer and there are a million of husband with his cousins and none of me with my sisters! Otherwise everything is fairly good but needed a rant to get rid of all the UGH.

    • Laura C

      You deserve the rant. Sheesh.

    • Michela

      Oy. Those fam-cations can really do you in, not to mention all that other garbage with it. I’m sorry.. That sucks.

    • EF

      Can you email back the photographer and say you were hoping for the shot of you and your sisters (include a picture of them) and ask if she has any on the cutting room floor? Many many shots get cut, and maybe might be a tiny less than what the photographer thinks is perfect, but still *exactly* what you want.

      Sorry about missing out on the job. Academia, wasn’t it? Tough these days in the UK. :-(

    • Jess

      Blergh! Hope your weekend is shaping up well though.

  • flashphase

    We’re engaged!!! It’s been a crazy two weeks – feeling totally elated and basking in celebration, though also dealing with so.much.drama. from his family. All the low-grade tension boils over when there’s an event on the horizon, I guess. Luckily, we are able to still stay excited and set some boundaries with them. I am trying to stay conscious of truly enjoying and celebrating our engagement without getting dragged into the drama or getting too deep into planning. I’m so happy!

    • AGCourtney

      Congrats!

    • E.

      Congratulations!! What’s the story? (if you’re comfortable sharing, of course)

      • flashphase

        He arranged for us to get massages and then we took a walk down to the riverfront near where we live… and he asked me! He gave me a beautiful necklace, since I had specified no ring. It was simple and private – and just wonderful and meaningful.

        • Hannah

          Aw… That sounds lovely and heartfelt. Congratulations!

        • E.

          Awww that’s beautiful!

    • Michela

      Boundaries are a perfect goal. Congrats!

  • Kate

    I’m a bit late to the party but the highlight of my week was adopting the world’s cutest, surliest kitten. Second highlight was my family taking on a creepy elderly uncle after over a decade of inappropriate behavior. He has turned his attention to my youngest sister, just turned 13, and shit finally hit the fan when she told my parents he had called her “sexy” twice while on the beach at a family reunion. My dad wrote a polite but firm email making it clear those comments were inappropriate. “Uncle L” responded with a flippant, hollow apology and a warning to my parents to get used to the media sexualizing young girls. My mom finally had it, and sent him a letter that was PURE FEMINIST MAMA RAGE GOLD. I AM SO PROUD. So proud of the message my parents are sending to my youngest sisters by standing up for them, and since I know this shitstorm will eventually make its way through the extended family grapevine, so proud of the message that is being sent to all the nieces and nephews.

    • Cellistec

      Good for your parents to make a stand and cut that shit off now.

      Also, surly kitten! ZOMG! I can just picture it.

    • toomanybooks

      Yesssssssssssss. So glad your parents are standing up for her (and that she could stand up for herself, it’s hard to tell your parents something like that).

  • Emily

    Piggybacking on the ModCloth/decorating post: So it seems like Overstock and RugsUSA are great places for large, inexpensive rugs. Can y’all tell me, is $600-$700 good/normal pricing for a large, 9×12 or larger rug? It might be totally reasonable, but I get total sticker shock with those numbers. That’s so much money! Unfortunately, we have two giant rooms in our house with brand new hardwood floors that I’d desperately like to protect.

    • Amy March

      That’s about what I paid for my 8×10 rug on Overstock. I’ve been impressed with the quality.

    • emilyg25

      Definitely! I actually got an 8×10 rug at Overstock for under $200.

    • Hannah B

      I also liked esalerugs . com for cheap big rugs and they are plush!

    • ART

      It depends a lot on the type and material I think. I prefer flat-weave wool rugs, and I was able to find one on Overstock for probably $300-400 that I think is 8×10. They do have larger ones. I’ve generally thought Overstock prices were reasonable for the type and size of rug. Synthetics usually run cheaper than wool so that’s a matter of preference. Do you have a HomeGoods near you? They typically have some good prices on nice ones.

    • Kalë

      I think that is normal pricing, but it’s possible to find them a lot cheaper. My Costco has 9 x 12 solid-color (like, white, gray, brown, black) rugs for like, $170? right now.

    • Michela

      I got a 7×11 rug from Rugs USA for $300. They have really big sales occasionally, so it might be worth waiting around for that. Regardless, don’t scrimp on size just because the price hurts (it’s tempting, I empathize!) because small-rug syndrome is the worst: https://stylebyemilyhenderson.com/blog/design-mistake-2-the-too-small-rug/

  • Aoife

    2 weeks to the weddingand I am shot to hell. Pep talk me up. Folk who survived their weddings, what were the best last minute decisions you made?

    • Eenie

      To throw money at problems to make them go away.

      • BSM

        Or to just not care about them. Ex: event coordinator doesn’t understand the floorplan I sent her for where the guestbook and gifts should go? Fuck it.

      • Lisa

        We hit this stage about 2 weeks before the wedding. It’s when we bought bottles for our homebrew instead of scraping the labels off the recycled ones, booked a make-up artist because I finally realized I was never getting my ass to Sephora, and hired a DOC.

      • Dess

        Yeah I’m hitting this stage now…

        • Eenie

          Embrace it! It’ll be over soon and you’ll be left with lovely memories :)

    • ART

      If you still have any “projects” on your plate, ditch those mofos. They are not happening. Drink wine instead.

      • Aoife

        Aye aye.

      • Aoife

        HOW DID YOU KNOW?

        • ART

          ;D I mean, I was done with all of mine with plenty of time to spare so…

          • Aoife

            Shut up. Really? The internet eats sarcasm.

          • ART

            Not remotely. I was going to like, paint some kind of sandwich-board sign for the front gate with some sort of place for flowers on it? I don’t even know. People found the place. We didn’t have favors. We didn’t have lawn games. We had one giant dip-dyed coffee filter chandelier thing in our tent, not four. No one got hand-monogrammed pocket squares. FUCK, I HAD WAY TOO MANY PROJECTS.

          • Aoife

            I shall repay your honesty with honesty. We built the letterpress that we found on APW and I am still finishing up the coasters, but I’m also binge-watching Shameless while I print them and it’s surprisingly soothing. Everything else either got scrapped or delegated.

          • ART

            That’s fair, that’s pretty impressive that you built it, better put it to use! Pics?

          • Aoife

            Ooh! Next week. I don’t have them with me at work. The woman who wrote the article lives locally and does stationary stuff as a business now, but she I cold-called hera while ago being all, “HEEEEEELP!” and she helped me trouble-shoot my ink problems. She was a gem. She owed me nothing and she saved my ass. I felt very cared for.

          • Eenie

            I am also binge watching shameless! Good job.

          • Aoife

            IT’S FINALLY ON NETFLIX.

      • Nicole

        I liked this, but we did end up doing a very low key flower thing where we picked up flowers from the farmers market and plunked them into vases the morning before the wedding, and that was surprisingly low key and fun, partially because it would have been fine if it didn’t happen. If you have something like that, it’s okay to keep. But you need help. My dad the engineer put himself in charge of arranging the flowers which is something i NEVER expected.

        • Aoife

          We sent my pops instructions for lawn games. He almost set the house ablaze, but we have lawn games. He is exceedingly proud of himself. It’s amazing when they get all Dadly.

      • Cellistec

        …and ignore the impulse to upcycle the empty wine bottles into centerpieces.

        • ART

          LOLZ, yeah, you might be tempted once you’ve emptied them. Sober up a bit and put them in the recycling.

          • Cellistec

            Or therapeutically smash the bottles so you don’t have the option of dipping them in glue and glitter.

        • Aoife

          Love it.

    • emilyg25

      If it’s not done now, let it go. You’re say will be what it will be. Enjoy the ride!

    • Cellistec

      Call up the reserves. Delegate things to your people even if it won’t turn out 100% the way you would do it yourself. For example, we finally asked a groomsman to mark off our saved parking spots instead of me doing it the morning of. Did it look kind of janky? Sure. Did anyone steal our spots? Nope.

    • Essssss

      Putting everything in boxes for where they needed to go. And labeling the boxes. And handing them to the people who were responsible for delivering them to the picnic/ceremony/reception venues. Maybe this was more like 1 week out. But the crates or boxes by place or person was key!

    • LP

      Giving my mom projects. She’s s teacher and was off for the summer. I gave her a page long list that I didn’t expect to get dome until the wedding. She got it done in one day.

      • Michela

        My mom is a teacher, too, and our wedding was last month when she was off for the summer. Praise Buddha for teacher parents!

    • Dess

      3 weeks out, but I’m there with you!

    • Michela

      Getting sleep. (Trying) Not to take it personally when our families lost their patience or acted erratically. Cuddling with my dude at the end of every night. Handing the to-do list over to our day-of coordinator. Drinking. Making an effort to enjoy the lead-up, since it’s half the fun!

      Best of luck!! You’ll rock it.

    • joanna b.n.

      Yes to throw money at any problems now. We kept ourselves on a tight budget until two weeks out and then ditched that sucker for those last minute issues that money could fix.

      Also – anytime the question in your mind is, should I spend more time worrying about details VS more time with your people, Go with the People. This is the time when stress gets high, and making sure you are focused on why you are all coming together, enjoying the folks who are surrounding you, and how to make that the priority for everyone, trumps any other plans or worries you have in mind.

  • Fiona
    • ART

      TEARS

    • Cellistec

      Ahahahahaha. I just overheard a colleague say, “Find someone who looks at you like Bill looks at balloons.”

  • toomanybooks

    I just got promoted!! This is my first promotion where my title has changed, so it’s pretty exciting. (The raise is also going to be exciting…)

    I’ve also been enjoying Ask a Manager since the guest post here on APW!

    • Lisa

      AAM is my favorite.

    • Michela

      Congrats!!!

  • april

    Soooo, my husband and I adopted a 5 month old puppy about 2 weeks ago. He’s adorable as hell, but he is also stressing me the f*** out. He’s got separation anxiety issues, which means we can’t really leave him alone right now. Has anyone dealt with this before? I could use some words of wisdom/encouragement!

    • Cellistec

      Our terrier mix has some separation anxiety, mostly in the summer when she gets used to having my teacher husband around all day. So we’re getting her re-acclimated to alone time in small doses–ten minutes one day, 30 minutes another, eventually up to half a day by the time the school year starts. Also, it helped her a lot to experiment with toys and find ones she could really focus on for a long time, vs. which ones we just thought were cute. And in a pinch, if you really need adult time, there’s Rover.com, with dog-sitters aplenty. Hope that helps! Good luck to you and the puppy!

    • Nicole

      My husband and I adopted a puppy last year year after both only ever having adult dogs. She came crate trained and she calms down from anything when we put her in her crate. She’s the calmest dog we’ve ever taken on a road trip, she is very chill when we’re not around (we don’t crate her as much when we’re not around now, but she’s fine with it), and it was also great for us needing a little time, especially in that bitey phase your pup might be in right now, with the sharp teeth! We were lucky in that she came crate trained, but I understand it’s very doable and I’m just here to say it is worth it. We have a dog walker come if we’re going to be gone all day or something. Also – for puppies with tons of energy, doggy daycare is the best. Even just taking him once to get him all tired out and give you some alone time might help.

    • sage

      I don’t know the first thing about puppies, but I adopted a giant adult dog a few years ago who is a nut and just generally very nervous, so she has separation anxiety. It’s not as bad now, but it was really bad the last time I moved. My advice is to try crate training, and while you’re at it go very very very slowly (so slowly you think it will never happen) if the puppy doesn’t like the crate at first. My dog was petrified of the crate at first but now she sleeps in it with the gate closed for hours while I am home. I am still waiting for some free weekends to very slowly work on crating her while I leave the apartment.

      Other things that have worked for me: making sure things are put away behind closed doors if it’s anything she’s likely to want to get into (plastic bags, garbage cans, food, open boxes to tear into), taking the dog on really long walks in the morning to tire her out. Also my vet recommended giving her melatonin for a little while at the beginning, but I would check with your vet on that.

      Also, my dog was having accidents in the apartment for a while because she would get nervous while I was at work all day. I eventually broke her of that bad habit by physically blockading her from the room where she would have accidents (using the giant crate… that thing comes in handy) and going home to walk her over my lunch break for a few weeks. Those interventions worked.

      As someone who has been there and went through a really rough time with this (and I’ve known others who have too!), let me say this will not be this hard forever, no matter how bad it feels right now. With time, dogs can learn their way out of bad habits and into better ones. It’s really hard in the beginning because it is such an adjustment, but you will settle into a routine that works eventually. Just tire the puppy out as much as you can in the meantime, and take small steps.

      Final thoughts (because I obviously had so much to say about this), I’ve had my separation anxiety-prone dog for three years now… and she still cries when I leave the apartment sometimes. And it’s OK. She’s a little more nervous than the average dog, but I make sure she’s safe and not destructive at home, and that’s really all I can do for her some days… and that’s enough.

      • Kalë

        Seconding “it will not be this hard forever”. While our pup never had separation anxiety like you’re describing, he was a terrible, terrible biter for *what seemed like* forever as a puppy. Aaaand now he is an adult dog that does not bite anyone, ever. Point being, these things can seem all-consuming and overwhelming and “my life is going to be difficult forEVERRRR”. But with some teamwork (including with pup!), and some time, most doggy issues are solvable. Solidarity.

    • Nonners

      Late to the party, but I adopted a 3 year old rescue with a suspected history of abuse who had major separation anxiety. He actually “failed” out of his first adopted family because of it.

      First thing, realize that this is going to take a while and it will get better. (It might get worse first but it will get better eventually.)

      I also highly recommend crate training. Start slow and make it the happiest place in the world for him. Fun toys? They’re in the crate. Dinner time? In the crate. Make sure it’s size appropriate, if he’s going to grow up to be big then it’s totally reasonable to buy a crate for his grown-up size, just block off the back half with a divider so he feels like he’s in a small safe space. Try covering it with a sheet or blanket, my dog would eat it but I know a few dogs that really like the covered feeling.

      Maybe also try leaving the TV or music on when you have to leave him? And a tired puppy is a happy puppy so keep trying to tire him out with walks and games.

      For my dog, everything was trial and error and time spent sitting on the floor and crying because he didn’t understand that what he was doing was wrong (biting). All this to say, one day it eventually clicked. Things got better and it was all so worth it. Four years later, he doesn’t bite, he doesn’t jump, he doesn’t cry when I leave the house, hell – half the time he doesn’t even get up to watch me leave. It will happen.

  • Hannah B

    I keep meaning to wash all the baby clothes we got from the baby shower and organize the “nursery corner” in our 1 bed apt, but it’s so hot outside and I don’t want to walk to the laundromat. I think we’re going to need more baby clothes, especially winter ones. I DID finally call the insurance company to ask questions about coverage and also paid an outstanding lab bill, so I can feel accomplished enough for the day, right?

    • Sparkles

      You can buy baby clothes online as you need them. They’ll arrive so quickly, because we live in a magical time. And the baby can live in diapers and receiving blankets until they get flail-y enough to actually need their arms covered. So, what I’m saying is, do the laundry when you’re ready to do the laundry, and you just sit there gestating in the mean time. Because that’s a chore in itself!

    • BSM

      Amen to what Sparkles said. Also, I feel like this may be a time to treat yourself to some wash and fold service? Not sure how that works with stuff for baby, but it makes this laundry-hating lady very, very happy.

    • Eenie

      I for one would be stoked to wash and fold all the baby clothes for an expecting friend. If anyone has given you the general “let me know if you need anything” gesture, try reaching out. Especially if said friend has an in unit washer/dryer.

      • Michela

        Seconding this! I weirdly love doing laundry and also love being helpful. I’m sure you have similarly minded friends who would be happy to take this task off your hands.xo

    • emilyg25

      Yes, wait to buy clothes. We started really minimal and added more because laundry kept getting the best of us, but then he rocketed straight through to 3-6 months over like one month (that’s three sizes for those not familiar with baby clothes). Thrift store are great for those early months.

  • Sparkles

    Just checking in to say that if you have a spare moment amongst all the political talk to listen to this podcast, you totally should. Andrew Moravisck (husband to Anne-Marie Slaughter) talks so freaking insightfully about gender roles in parenting and the workplace and what it means to have been a lead parent as a man and get through to the other side with mostly grown up kids. I was listening to it and just kept saying “f*ck-yeah” over and over again.

    http://www.wnyc.org/story/work-life-balance-bonus-andrew-moravcsik

    • Cellistec

      I just listened to it, and that’s some real talk right there. Even though we don’t have kids yet, it blew my mind.

    • Michela

      WNYC is the ish. Anyone else a Death, Sex, and Money fan?? Highly recommend.

  • raccooncity

    Handed in my thesis this week!

    Celebratory dance for me, everyone!

    (in other news this week: started a temp/casual job that lasts until baby and got another chance to peek in on baby RC doing somersaults in its little bachelor apartment in my abdomen)

    • Hannah B

      like, legit, how do they move so fast? First they’re in the east, then the west!

      • raccooncity

        OMG so this was an additional ultrasound because of non-cooperation on baby RC’s part last time (I call it ‘picture retake day’) and i had to roll around on the table a whole bunch because baby was moving all over the place in all the wrong directions.

        • Hannah B

          nice. my LO is 31 weeks and MUCH MUCH more active now than she was when we had the ultrasound at 23 weeks. I just hope she settles head down in the next month or so!

    • JC

      Woooo thesis hand off!!

  • LP

    Today is our two week wedding anniversary and when I came back from my honeymoon I found out I’m getting a promotion! Best year ever.

    • AGCourtney

      Congrats! That’s awesome.

      • LP

        Thanks! It’s my dream job! So excited and way sooner than I expected!

    • Michela

      Congratulations!!

  • Keri

    ONE WEEK OUT. We just drove back from the caterer for the final tasting and made Tim Kaine dad jokes for I shit you not a solid hour in the car so YEAH he’s the man for me.

  • Giselle

    In the next 7 weeks: 1) my work project of 10 months and many late evenings wraps, 2) our 2 year house rehab project wraps and 3) we get married. This past week has felt like thousand decisions every day and barely keeping head above water because any one of these is enough to take up my free time.

    Also, we’ve had to get our Minted invites re-printed twice (first alignment issues, then messy foil issues) so I still haven’t sent them out despite ordering them almost 3 weeks ago. Good thing we sent the save the dates. Silver lining $280 worth of invitations for $80 because every delay or reprint is 15-20% off. That’s $200 more for music or champagne! If anyone else has issues with them, don’t be afraid to ask for money back! They’ve been nice about it with good customer service on the phone, which is the only reason I didn’t ask for it all back and just print them myself.

    • Hannah

      Wow, good to know!

  • Hope

    In everyday news, I’m on a weekend break with my husband to celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary. We used Airbnb to find a place with a pool to escape the heat.
    In other news, we adopted! So our 3 month old son joined us on our anniversary weekend away :)

    • Wow, congrats!

    • emilyg25

      I feel like you really buried the lede there. Congrats!!

    • Michela

      Oh my gosh congratulations!!!!!!!! What an exciting time for your family.xo

    • Hannah

      Congratulations on family time!

    • LittleOwl

      Congratulations!! If you don’t mind me asking, do you have any adoption advice or resources you’ve found helpful? We are a year or two away from starting a family, and adoption has been tugging at my heart for a while but I’m not sure where to start.

      • Hope

        Thank you. I definitely researched adoption options a long time before we put anything in motion!
        My husband likes the podcast, Infant Adoption Guide, by Tim Elder. I talked to a friend who is an adoption social worker and she gave us the lowdown on agencies in our area. We also talked to friends who’d adopted. We went to the open evenings at 3 agencies in our state and they gave us information and helped us see what paperwork we’d need to collect for the adoption process.
        There are lots of decisions to make, domestic or overseas, infant or older child, private agency or state adoption, level of birth family communication you’re comfortable with, your openness to physical or mental health illnesses. It’s important to be honest and do some soul searching about these things.
        Hope this helps a little.

        • LittleOwl

          Thank you!! All the best to you and your new little family :)

  • So I am totally considering buying a hat from Sol a Mer, thanks to Amy March mentioning them in HH a few weeks back…. Buying an expensive hat online seems risky though, but I guess no riskier than bras or shoes, and I’ve done that. Hmm.

  • lady brett

    we have a baby. it is weirdly not epic feeling (my honey feels differently =) – more like “oh, hey, new kid with different needs!” which makes me feel like some combination of rockstar and monster, ha. but all 4 big siblings (not all in our house!) are over the moon about it.

    *and* my honey’s new job *offered* for them to start two weeks later (original date this coming monday) on account of “your baby’s only a week old once!” which bodes wonderfully for work culture with kids! and my honey is over the moon for the time.

    and my mom’s in town, which is always lovely (and more lovely when she’ll hold a screamy baby.

    • emmers

      Congratulations! I’m glad the transition is going smoothly.

    • Michela

      Congratulations! How lovely to hear things are moving smoothly and that your honey’s office seems so open to work-life balance.

    • rg223

      Congrats to you and your family!!

    • Hannah

      Congratulations!

    • Congratulations!

  • CP2011

    Hillary. RODHAM. Clinton. Yes. The DNC really restored my enthusiasm for her candidacy, more so than I even expected.

  • Robyncestrella4

    <<o. ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★:::::::!!br947p:….,…

  • Hannah

    If all goes well with the venue booking, today is one year away from our wedding date! It’s taken me a while to warm up to the idea of getting married next year, instead of waiting until 2018. My partner will be finishing up her master’s degree through early summer, and I’ll be starting a new, more challenging job.

    I have no doubt that we can pull off a lovely, meaningful wedding in that time; but I still worry that it will be a big source of stress alongside our career demands. However, my partner is very keen to be married next year, and our families are very enthusiastic about next year. My sister also points out that waiting longer could actually prolong the planning stress, whereas keeping the timeline shorter will be a good excuse to simplify.

    Has anyone had a similar experience? I think I’ve made my peace with doing this next summer, but I’d love any tips on how to keep it manageable alongside other life events!

    • emmers

      We planned in 6 months (probably too quick) but I’m very pro-get-that-shit-done. My pro tip is to keep it in perspective- stuff you do to personalize your wedding can be cool. But try not to lose sleep over what kind of cake topper (if any) to get. That kind of crap is sooo fleeting- it really is just one day, and then boom, you’re married and moving on.

      Once you cover the big bases- who’s coming, what kind of food/drink (I.e. just cake & punch? full meal?), when, where, try not to overthink it. Your general head count & venue will drive a lot of these things.

      Most of all, just take heart that this will end so quickly! Think of what you were doing a year ago. In a year, you’ll be married!!! Hell yeah!!!!

      • Hannah

        Thank you! Yes, we are focusing on the stuff that makes an impact (people, venue, ceremony, food, music), and planning not to fuss too much over tiny (albeit potentially pretty) things. Our venue is an outdoor learning center in the mountains, so we are letting nature do the decorating!

    • emilyg25

      We planned in 7 months and could have done it in 4. And we had a ton of DIY. Lock down the big stuff early (caterer, venue, photographer) and don’t worry about the small stuff. Also, if you’re worried about planning, consider a venue that specializes in weddings and offers all-inclusive packages. Then you won’t have to do much at all.

      • Hannah

        Thanks for that advice! We are aiming to “simplify, simplify” (to quote Thoreau). Glad to hear you felt like less time was plenty!

    • Lisa

      We planned our wedding in 13 months, and even that felt like an inordinately long amount of time. We needed that much time to secure the venues, photographer, and some other services we wanted, but after that, there isn’t a lot to do unless you’re planning a ton of DIY. We could easily have planned the whole thing in 6 months; half of the 13 months we were waiting around for it to be time to do anything.

      Good luck with the planning! A year should be plenty of time to make your lovely wedding happen. :)

      • Hannah

        Thank you! That is helpful perspective.

      • Hannah

        I could have sworn I already replied to this kind comment, but apparently I did not! Thank you so much for these words of wisdom. My fiancée and I made a timeline for the next year, and I’m feeling much more calm as a result. I’m so glad to know you were able to pull off a satisfactory wedding in about our timeframe!

        • Lisa

          I’m so happy my comment helped you! A timeline will be really helpful, too, in planning out some of those “can be done whenever” activities. (For example, we could have probably bought my husband’s ring sooner than 2-3 months before. However, it wasn’t until those 2-3 months that planning kicked into high gear, and we were finally able to put the pieces together.)

          I wish you all of the best with your planning and can’t wait to hear more updates throughout the next year!

  • Natalie

    Hi! I’m new here, my partner and I got engaged about a month ago :D

    I am so so excited for the USA over Hillary! I’m actually going to be there on the day of the election and the day after, in DC, so I’m also excited that I might get to share something amazing (I’m a Brit living in Austria).

    The idea of having female leaders of the UK, Germany and the US makes me very hopeful for young girls growing up in that environment.

  • Grace

    Can we put the picture of Crusader Hillz on a t-shirt? Because it is awesome!

  • SuzyNP

    I’m late to the party, but pheeew Hillary! What a competant kick ass candidate. So many of the speeches made me shed wee tears at my office desk this week, and I’m not even American. (I am married to a Puerto Rican man though and may have to pay US taxes overseas one day though-don’t get me started on the absurdity or the unfathomableness if he-who-should-not-be-named wins the election).

    In other news, Harry Potter and the cursed child release tomorrow! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!

  • Micheleekott

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  • Lynncly2

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  • Cathy

    I don’t like Hilary but she is better than Trump

  • mimi

    my husband is a very rich and welding man.will make the money together few month later,he started hooking up with bad friends .on my noted he was having an affair with another woman .the family lawyer call me an asked me if me and my husband had a miss-understanding ,because my husband has change the name writing on the wile.he took everything we have to the his girlfriend ,meaning that i don’t have any share in the family.i was frustrated and discourage.until a friend of my advice me to visit a spell caster so that all my problems will been solve within 48 hours then i contacted the spell caster she introduce to me.dr ogun spellcaster,drogun promise that every thing will been alright.few weeks later my husband came back home ,on his kneels begging,asking me forgive and forget about the past and face the future ahead.right now i am in full control of my husband access.a big thants to dr ogun who bring back my husband .if you have same problem kindly contact dr. ogun in his via email.drogunspellcaster@gmail.com