APW Happy Hour


Just a slow week here (insert laugh/cry emoji here)

by Maddie Eisenhart, Chief Revenue Officer

apw-color-exploration

Hey APW,

Maddie here! Not much going on this week. HA. Just kidding. If you were around this morning, you know that not only did APW get a whole new look (goodbye glitter, helllooo fabulous gradient!), but we also just announced our hugest news in probably forever: APW is launching a brand new feminist lifestyle site, The Compact, in the summer of 2017! To skip right to the good part, go read more about it, then come hang out with us on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Pinterest until the official launch. Oh, and don’t forget to sign up for The Compact newsletter to hear it first when we go live. And while we’d love to be taking a nap right now (or like, several naps), today we’re hanging out at the Re:Make Summit, hosted by Brit + Co. Follow us on Instagram for live updates and stories from the conference.

Maybe we’ll nap tomorrow. But Najva’s in town, so who knows! Party 2.0?

Now it’s your happy hour, so get to it.

Cheers,

Maddie

Link Roundup

California just ended the statute of limitations on rape cases. This is HUGE.

Inequality in America’s public parks.

SOLANGE HAS A NEW ALBUM, Y’ALL. (Yes, I’m shouting at you.)

Samantha Bee is one of my favorite voices in the election right now.

This is literally the funniest thing I’ve read all week.

Maddie Eisenhart

Maddie is APW’s Chief Revenue Officer. She’s been writing stories about boys, crushes, and relationships since she was old enough to form shapes into words, but received her formal training (and a BS) from NYU in Entertainment and Mass Media in 2008. She now spends a significant amount of time thinking about trends on the internet and whether flower crowns will be out next year. A Maine native, Maddie currently lives on a pony farm in the Bay Area with her husband, Michael and their mastiff puppy. Current hair color: Purple(ish).

Staff Picks

[Read comment policy before commenting]

  • Eenie

    Oh the logo is a gradient! It is so hard to tell when it is small. I’ve just been crying over here in my corner due to the lack of glitter….

    GUYS WE ARE ADOPTING A NEW CAT THIS WEEKEND! I promise to post pictures in a future happy hour. I’m just so excited. A friend really needs to re-home him, and while she is very sad about not being able to have him around we are so excited to have him join our two fur balls.

    • Ashlah

      KITTY YAY

    • Lisa

      Yay for kittens!!

    • LadyMe

      Exciting! Can’t wait for the pics

    • Olive

      Congrats on your new addition! And good luck with introductions…

      • Eenie

        Thank you! We’re placing bets on how it goes… Our one cat is the chillest ever, the other one acts like he owns the place (he pretty much does). Stressful for sure, but once equilibrium sets in I know it will be lovely.

    • Amy March

      I hadn’t seen the gradient aspect either!

    • PAJane aka Awesome Tits

      YAY NEW CAT!

    • Alyssa Andrews

      YAY Kitties! Our cat has a SERIOUS “only-child” thing going on (I think it’s from past kitty trauma since we rescued her) so we’d never make it with another cat as much as I’d love another one (or three?). I’m so jealous you can have more than one!

      (She loves dogs so at least we can get a dog with minimal issue…)

      • Eenie

        I was happy with two (seriously, they are the cutest together), and this is an open adoption so there is the possibility the new cat will end up returning to his current pet parent when the circumstances are right. The new cat has been around dogs, so that is nice if we do end up getting a dog in the future… I hear ya on kitty trauma, our current youngest was abused in his former home and struggles a lot with strangers, people walking, and his shadow. We have gotten so much joy out of him improving over the years <3

        • Alyssa Andrews

          Aww his shadow?! Poor guy. Ours was abandoned by a hoarder and rescued while she was pregnant but being shot at with bebe’s by some d-bag kids. She definitely has issues w food (she eats like it’s the apocalypse ALL THE TIME but has an adorable pink fuzzy belly to show for it which I just love) and is uber-territorial… but she also koala-hugs you when you come home and drools if you’ve been gone for more than 4 hours. Rescuing animals is the best. I hope things go well with the new kitty!

          • Eenie

            Awwwww. Yeah, he has to double tap with his paw anything that has a shadow. It’s adorable but sad at the same time. He was scared of our pantry for a month and refused to go in the kitchen because of some plastic bags. We have retrained him by keeping greenies in the same pantry and his ears are so fine tuned to the squeak of that door that he comes sprinting to the kitchen.

          • Alyssa Andrews

            He sounds so cute! Sounds like you guys have a great little home for him to feel safe in!

    • raccooncity

      UGHHHH jealous. A second cat is in the plans for us, but not quite yet. For now my little guy will have to deal with being snuggled way more than she likes.

    • Lmba

      Yeah, definitely couldn’t see ANY of the gradient at all on mobile. I was like, “okay, I really must be missing something here.” I wonder if there is a mark coming that will be better suited to tiny printing?

  • Lisa

    In addition to APW’s new look, it’s my birthday!! Time to celebrate and let the champagne flow!

    https://media.giphy.com/media/3o8doPqqOI7DADOb96/giphy.gif

    • Ashlah

      Happy birthday!! Hope you get to do something fabulous!

      • Lisa

        Thank you! My husband is making me an AH-MAZE-ING three course dinner tonight, and I’m hoping to convince him he wants to go check out the new brewery that’s opening today afterwards. Tomorrow we’re going backpacking!

    • Jessica
    • LadyMe

      Happy Birthday!

    • Olive

      Have an amazing birthday, Lisa! Any special celebrations planned?

    • louise danger

      hippo birdie two ewe!

    • Trinity

      Happy birthday!

    • Michela

      Happy birthday Lisa!!!

    • JLily

      Happy birthday!!! (That champagne looks delish…hurry up weekend!!)

    • Her Lindsayship

      Happy birthday! I will have a drink in your honor tonight! ;)

    • Cellistec

      The happiest of birthdays to you lady!

    • Eh

      Happy birthday! (It’s my husband’s birthday too – he’s working late because three people called in sick at his restaurant)

    • AGCourtney

      Happy birthday, Lisa! Hope you have a wonderful evening and weekend.

  • LadyMe

    I need “Hillary Clinton: The one person in the **** country who’s not afraid of a bully” on a tshirt

  • CharlotteJ

    After being together for over four years, and living together for three and a half, my boyfriend and I are talking seriously about engagement and weddings! We had talked about marriage before, but always in a “someday, maybe, what’s the rush” kind of way. But recently we started talking about what each of us would want in a wedding, and what we think about certain wedding traditions, and he’s even asked me to send him pictures of engagement rings that I like! So…EXCITED! :D :D :D

    • Totch

      Congrats! Working through ideas about weddings specifically vs. the general concept of marriage was a big move forward for us. It takes it from the hypothetical “rest of our lives” into actual planning!

      • CharlotteJ

        Thank you!! That’s exactly it. It feels so much more real now. I’m pretty thrilled :-)

  • Jessica

    I’m so freaking excited for September to be over. My big non-profit annual event was on Monday (it ended SO QUICKLY due to the debate. Clean up was a breeze!), my grandfather’s memorial service went well last weekend, and our yard is…still there after all the stuff. I’m just ready to head into a new season and time frame to shake things off.

    Tonight I am watching a Harry Potter movie while drinking fall cocktails with a friend. What you all up to?

    • Olive

      That is my perfect Friday night.

    • Michela

      Oooh what fall cocktails?? I’m having a girls night tonight and was brainstorming ideas but maybe I’ll just steal yours ; )

      • Jessica

        I’m pretty obsessed with this apple cider margarita (http://greatist.com/eat/recipes/apple-cider-margaritas), but also picked up some Seattle Pumpkin Spice Cider, which sounds like it could either be disgusting or amazing.

        Due to a mostly-paleo diet, I don’t drink grain-based liquors (bourbon, whiskey), which really go better with apple cider and whatnot.

        • Michela

          Thanks!! That looks fantastic. Looks like I’ll be stopping st the liquor store on my way home..

          • Lisa

            Hot apple cider and bourbon has become our go-to fall drink. It’s delicious!

          • Alyssa Andrews

            OOOH noted :)

      • NolaJael

        Starting with a cider base there are so many options! What a fun idea. :)

    • Eenie

      Watching Shameless, drinking large amounts of wine, and preparing the house for a new cat!

      • Jessica

        I’ve been catching up on Shameless! What a crazy amazing show!

        • Eenie

          It’s so good! Especially as someone who is very homesick of Chicagoland…

    • JC

      I’m flying to visit my sister at my alma mater, going to a football game on Saturday, and getting pedicures on Sunday!

      • Jessica

        My college just had homecoming (which is considered the all-class reunion of the year) and so many people were posting photos! I was jealous. Have so much fun!

        • JC

          Thanks! We’re having a mini-Homecoming! I’m so excited because it means both sister time and old friend time.

    • Totch

      It’s our one year anniversary of being engaged, which is occasion enough that we’re gonna go get fancy pizza, go home and play board games, and then wake up and have dim sum!

    • cml

      Ditching out on work early to go to the barn & play with horses, then hopefully going to pick apples & pumpkins tomorrow!

      • Jessica

        Everything about that sounds so wonderfully fall!

    • rg223

      We have two birthday parties this weekend – one for a baby and one for an adult! But the baby party is supposed to be in a park, and the weather report looks bad (cold and rainy, as it is right now)… so we’ll see!

    • Alyssa Andrews

      Harry Potter + Drinks is my “go-to” when fiancee is out of town (to the point that he now asks me which one I plan to watch before he leaves). Have fun!

    • Natalie

      I will be preparing for a job interview, then working on improving my Spanish by reading Harry Potter y el prisionero de Azkaban (en español) while snuggled up on my couch with my dog and a glass of wine.

      • E.

        I did that in Spanish class in high school! So great.

      • Lisa

        I found that I learned a lot of great words when I did that in high school because I know the HP books SO WELL that I could automatically understand that, for example “lechuza” = “owl.” Hope you enjoyed your re-read and Spanish learning!

    • InTheBurbs

      Date night tonight with dinner/brewery followed by a concert and then we’re going to attempt to can marinara and salsa. We had 6 tomato plants this year and stuck most of what we harvested in the freezer. We’ve got a book, 24 jars and a big pot with all the accessories…we’ll see what happens

    • Ashlah

      Gonna be a chill night tonight because tomorrow morning I’m running in my first obstacle course mud run with my mom! I’m a little nervous (my upper body strength…ehhh), but super duper excited! Really looking forward to sharing the experience with Mom.

      • Eenie

        I did one with my mom! It was super fun except for it being really cold, the venue running out of water, and me sitting in an ambulance trying to warm up afterwards! Sending you upper body strength! Which one are you doing? Tough mudder has a very good “team” feeling, spartan race seemed uber competitive for my taste – they give out medals.

        • Ashlah

          I’m worried about the cold! I mean, it’s not winter or anything, but colder than I was planning when I thought I’d go in a sports bra only! We’re doing the Terrain Race. They have competitive waves, but we’re doing it un-timed, purely for fun. As long as we cross the finish line (and hopefully avoid ambulances!), I’ll consider it an accomplishment!

          • Eenie

            Yay! Bring a full set of clothes to change into, pack one of those silver space blankets in the car in case they run out (true story). Good luck! And take before pictures! Our after pictures look like I’m about to die because I was so cold.

          • Ashlah

            Thanks for the tips! I told husband last night that it was his job to take before and after pics :)

      • Jessica

        That’s so cool! My husband ran the warrior dash with a bunch of people led by a middle aged woman this summer, it sounded so funless I was jealous for not going. Good luck!

    • Katherine

      We’re hosting an Oktoberfest celebration! My fiancé is at home working on the schnitzel right now.

    • “I Don’t Knowww, Margo!”

      That sounds amazing. My Friday night is turning into me being home alone and drinking leftover wedding pinot grigio, eating mac and cheese, and rereading Judy Blume books. It’s the best!

      • Jessica

        I was looking through my planner from last week and Wednesday was marked “ALONE NIGHT!!!!”

        It was basically what you did, but with chipotle and romance novels.

  • “I Don’t Knowww, Margo!”

    I got married!!

    It was exactly what I had hoped for, even though we had to move the ceremony inside the tent due to rain. My guy accidentally forgot the rings, but it just made the ceremony. Our bartenders poured with a heavy hand, and everyone had a blast! I loved that people either danced under the tent or hung out at the chill bonfire. It was magical.

    And then the honeymoon! We went to Hawaii, saw LAVA!! and didn’t talk to anyone for ten days. It was a delight.

    Putting up a picture for a little while: https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d097b15ec27b0ecea73ba48d8adaaf08ee175ba7a11582c98a49162b45ca4837.jpg

    • Lisa

      Congratulations!! You two look adorable and so happy.

    • LadyMe

      Congrats!

    • Eenie

      <3 your dress!!!!

    • Ashlah

      Congratulations!! Love your outfit!

    • Congrats! Jelly on Hawaii ;D

    • louise danger

      congratulations! your dress is so pretty but i almost didn’t notice it because of your huge smile :D

    • Not Sarah

      You two look so happy! Your photo looks so much like mine haha.

      • “I Don’t Knowww, Margo!”

        Ha, I thought that, too! I thought my face would fall off from smiling so hard.

        • Not Sarah

          yesssss! I’m really confused how our faces didn’t fall off. Also, I heard nothing the officiant was saying because I was too busy smiling at my husband.

    • Cellistec

      <3 <3 <3

    • Totch

      Congrats! That dress is amazing!!!

    • Unhip in Brooklyn

      I’m totally enchanted by the skirt on your dress. Congratulations!

      • toomanybooks

        Same! Love it!

    • Angela

      Your dress! Amazing! You look very happy! Congratulations!

  • Not Sarah

    I also have huge news! We eloped and today is our two week anniversary!!! I’m going to delete the picture later, but I’m including my favourite below for now!!

    We had been somewhat procrastinating deciding to get married and I’m pretty sure my husband (!) wouldn’t have proposed for another couple years (we’ve been dating for 3.5 years and living together for 2 years) until we were presented with a situation (not super terrible, don’t worry) that made us decide to get married quickly, as in we contemplated it on the Monday and were married on the Friday. We spent a bunch of time deciding how to tell people. We settled on flying in his parents, telling my parents, having a friend officiate, and having 2-3 good, long-time friends at the ceremony (two of whom took photos). We got married at our favourite park by our house with a lovely ceremony. I conference called with two good friends to find me a white dress that I could pick up within 24 hours (I’d always wanted a white lace dress, so this was pretty perfect!) and we bought matching white gold wedding bands (2mm and 6mm). We had lunch with all of the attendees at our favourite brunch place that now serves their weekend brunch menu for weekday lunch and dinner with all of our parents at a lovely place which is my top contender for our reception that we will throw next spring. We emailed/texted/called sooooo many friends and family before we posted on Facebook and everyone was very supportive and asking when the party would be. I was just blown away by how supportive everyone was! So far: we are SO glad we are married even though we had been procrastinating getting married and I love being able to skip the bouquet toss without anyone hassling me.

    Next up: sorting out whether I want an engagement style ring in addition to the wedding band we bought me / whether my husband (!) wants to give me one and planning a party! Our plan so far is that we won’t repeat the ceremony, I’ll wear the dress I wore for the ceremony, we will rent out a restaurant we love for the evening and probably skip a photographer but a photo booth sounds fun if the restaurant lets us.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/db3845e98b4facc254f00fc4cd7bf05969748ff326346e75cc50fca6732388be.jpg

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/94ad88d626c9f91a40768b4b95a3febbb84214de25bd81e7b21d23756e1d35d2.jpg

    • “I Don’t Knowww, Margo!”

      Congratulations! You both look so happy!

    • Ashlah

      Congratulations!! What an exciting whirlwind!

    • Olive

      So fun!! Congratulations!

    • Congratulations! What a fantastic picture :)

    • Lisa

      So many congratulations!!

    • flashphase

      yay! You sound so happy and excited :) congrats!

    • louise danger

      congratulations! your face is a literal :D oh goodness how wonderful!

    • Cellistec

      Aw, congratulations! What a fun story. I say go for the engagement-style ring if you want one…maybe as a first-anniversary gift? And speaking of rings, if you want some kind of ceremony at your eventual party, a ring-warming could be a nice way to make your loved ones part of it without rehashing your legal ceremony. (Worked for us, at least.)

      • Not Sarah

        I like the ring warming ceremony idea!

    • Totch

      Congrats, this is amazing!

    • rg223

      You guys look so freaking happy, it’s adorable. LOVE.

    • PrettyUglyCrier

      You are adorable! Congratulations!!

  • Trinity

    We adopted a dog last week from our local animal shelter! Her name is Freya and she’s six years old. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2165c06761d6e168556dc2c362e92fb779ad061068c5869cfddb5c1168052696.jpg

    • Ashlah

      Aww, what a gorgeous pup! So proper with her paws crossed.

    • Jessica

      Oh my goodness!

    • NolaJael

      Great name and so cute! She’s looks wise. Or maybe crafty. ;)

      • Trinity

        She’s sooo smart. And affectionate. Perfect for me, as a first-time dog mom!

        • NolaJael

          My first dog was whip smart. After a couple weeks I was googling activities to keep dogs entertained…she learned all the tricks I could think of and wanted more! Also she was very athletic so we learned how to have her run beside me riding my bike. It was a bit harrowing at first, but she LOVED it. Such good times. :)

          • Trinity

            We’re already working on new tricks! What ones did your dog enjoy?

          • Cha

            Try dog agility if you have a smart and active dog. My little heeler-basset hound mix loves it!

          • NolaJael

            Oh man, all kinds of things. Teaching her to “back up” a few feet was surprisingly useful later. ;) Army crawl, roll over (took longer to teach, so good practice), catching treats, balancing treats on her nose, “touch” = touch my hand up high or down low with her nose, treat series (like having them spaced apart on the floor but only being allowed to eat one at a time on command – works on impulse control), biking…the only thing I regret was allowing/encouraging her to open presents. It was cute at Christmas but has since ruined a few UPS packages that were not for her. Live and learn.

    • “I Don’t Knowww, Margo!”

      Aaahhh! She’s so distinguished!

    • louise danger

      i am a huge proponent of happy hours including a thread of dog photos. i hope this becomes a Thing. Miss Freya is gorgeous and definitely looks like trouble ;)

    • JLily

      *HEART EYES EMOJ*
      My dog crosses his arms too! I call it his “tell me all your problems, human” pose :)

      • louise danger

        “so, when did you start wondering whether you were a Good Dog?”

        • Cellistec

          AHAHAHAHAHAHA.

          • Donnahlewis3

            Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !ch197f:
            On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
            !ch197f:
            ➽➽
            ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash487NetworkCampusGetPay$97Hour ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★::::::!ch197f:….,….

    • JC

      PUPPY!

    • Totch

      This is an eminently stealable dog. ?

    • Laura

      What a beautiful girl! So dainty with those crossed paws! Congratulations!

    • We’re hoping to adopt at an adoption event tomorrow! So excited and happy to see this cutie pie!!!!

    • Alyssa Andrews

      LOVE. How proper with her legs folded!

    • Gaby

      So beautiful! My fiancé and I call that pose “princess paws” when our cat or pup do it. :)

  • Super excited for The Compact! After getting married two years ago, I’ve stopped into APW every so often to read non-wedding articles and updates. You girls are awesome! Best of luck, definitely can’t wait for next summer!

  • Kaitlyn

    We set up our first venue tour! We had a mild heart attack when we got the food prices, buuut I think we might be okay. We just keep lowering and lowering the budgets we have for videographers and photographers, but we’d be getting married in an off-season (April) sooo fingers crossed people have off-season rates haha

    Also, that Washington Post article was genius.

    • Ashlah

      That WaPo article is SO GOOD.

    • Totch

      Yay April weddings! We’ve definitely gotten some good deals by being off season. It hasn’t always been a specific off season rate, though, so think about things you’d like to negotiate.

      For example, we’ve got a guest list of 30 and our reception venue has a private dining room for 25 and then the next larger room is for 50. Originally we spoke with them about using the dining room, mainly because it had no minimum food buy but the larger rooms did.

      We negotiated with them to get the 50 person room instead of the 25, with the minimum food buy waived. No one wanted 30 people in a 25 person room, and they’ll still make more money off of us than they would have otherwise.

      • Kaitlyn

        I’m a little nervous about the weather since New England can be so unpredictable that time of year. It’s either going to snow or be 90 degrees, so we’ll be inside either way hahaha Also, the date we’re thinking (April 14) is close to my birthday (April 22) which means I would get to spend my birthday on my honeymoon muahaha

        That’s good to know about negotiating! I definitely think I’m gonna have to dust off my skills haha

        • Totch

          We’re pretty much twins. Getting married April 1, partly because my birthday is April 8 and we preferred an April Fool’s Day anniversary over a birthday anniversary!

          I hadn’t thought about it, but we will be on honeymoon on my birthday! I need to figure out how to game this system.

          • Kaitlyn

            Right? I’m not good at telling people things like “Oh it’s my birthday!” so maybe I’ll wear a tiara or something haha

    • Kaitlyn

      Also, I realize I’m replying to myself, BUT WHY WON’T PEOPLE POST THEIR PRICES?! I know this came up last week, but it’d save me a lot of time if I knew what even the starting cost is ay yi yi

      • toomanybooks

        Yesssssss. I understand how a florist ends up having wildly different prices for different types of bouquets, corsages, whatever. But I don’t understand why the event rental company I’ve been recommended doesn’t just say how much it costs to rent each type of plate. As for food, I feel like I always assume it’s way more than I’m comfortable spending!

    • Her Lindsayship

      Hey, good luck!! Keep us posted! For only slightly selfish reasons… because I’m pretty sure we’re in the same area and it’d be great to hear what other couples are doing. :D

      • Kaitlyn

        Absolutely! We’re looking at Aldrich Mansion in RI. It sounds like our dream venue so fingers crossed it’s as good as we hope haha

        • toomanybooks

          Ooh! Rhode Island! I keep wishing I could get married in Providence – I went to college there and loved it, but I now live in the same area where I grew up and where my & fiancée’s families live, so I’m doing it here. But, if you are still looking, may I suggest checking out the Providence Athenaeum (gorgeous historic private library that will host weddings) and the Duck and Bunny (delicious and adorable food). If you haven’t already.

  • JC

    I need to tell all of you fabulous people how you have changed our financial lives. For serious. I started YNAB at the beginning of the year, and I’m now shockingly close to paying off my student loans. I’m putting away money for retirement, vacation, an eventual wedding, and I have three months’ expenses covered. Meg’s post last week got me some great reads on personal finance, and I reallocated my retirement account to something more aggressive and opened a long term savings account with an online bank for money that I know I’m not going to touch soon. And this was all just for me! As a precursor to opening the online account, I was checking the interest yields for my regular accounts, and I asked my boyfriend what kind of interest yield he was seeing for his. The answer: none. Neither of his accounts are interest bearing. This was enough to (finally) get him to consider leaving Wells Fargo (because scams), AND he checked and contributed to his mutual fund! And I know what all of this means!

    We’re not ready to combine finances yet, and we will have to have a lot of hard conversations in the future, because our careers aren’t looking super lucrative, but I am so confident that we can do this. I am so confident that I’m making choices that are going to benefit me and my family. I’m adulting so hard right now.

    • Ashlah

      So awesome! Good for you!

    • Jessica

      Nice! Congrats on the student loans!

      Also Wells Fargo is the worst. My organization does business there, and we are changing that as soon as a new President and Treasurer are elected in October.

      • JC

        I’ve been with our family’s credit union from my old home (I can keep it forever, but it’s not convenient to where I live now), and I’ve been considering switching banks so that it would be easier to combine finances in the future. Then WF blew up, and suddenly adding his accounts to mine is looking pretty damn fine…

        • Lisa

          We’ve actually not closed down any of our individual accounts at either bank. When we merged finances, we opened joint checking and savings at my bank and linked all of our individual accounts to those two. I like the idea of joining a credit union at some point instead, but given the limited geographic reach of most, it doesn’t seem practical for the immediate future.

          Now we’ve added an extra layer of complication by opening Barclay’s accounts and moving most of our savings over there. Eventually we’ll get our financial lives straightened out and simplify these accounts!

          • Eenie

            We opened up a joint savings and checking account, but my husband refuses to change his direct deposit so we aren’t even using it right now. SIGH. Switching finances are hard. I did however get his stupid CC to reconcile correctly for the first time in four months. I have discovered that I hate banking websites that don’t act like a check register, telling you how much money is in your account/balance after each transaction.

          • Lisa

            Yeah, we had a pretty clean break on my old direct deposit when we moved to Badtown, which is when I said “Let’s set up these new accounts NOW during the week I’m between jobs so that we don’t have to change anyone’s direct deposit later.” I think my husband had to switch some things around at school, but he was still in the process of getting everything set up so it was relatively painless.

          • Could have his paycheck auto-forwarded to the joint accounts.

            But “refusing to change his direct deposit” so you can actually combine finances seems like a Bleh move.

          • Eenie

            It wasn’t a big deal when we each had paychecks. I don’t even use the joint accounts, because my autopay was set up to my personal checking account. I think we’re going to set up an auto transfer that covers everything that comes out of my accounts cause I hate having to ask for a transfer. All our finances are visible through YNAB so I didn’t choose it as my hill to die on nine months ago. Now, it is becoming more so of an issue. We have a finance talk this weekend where we will discuss. Hadn’t realize how much it was bothering me until this week :)

          • JSK

            Just said something similar upthread! Combining finances doesn’t have to mean one account.

            Husband’s on my main checking account because we use that as a clearinghouse, but there are at least 10 other accounts between the two of us with only me or him as named owner. We both have our finserv preferences that the other doesn’t care for and various legacy accounts from before we married. It’s honestly too much trouble to think about re-configuring.

          • KC

            So, I also thought that credit unions were too local, but it turns out that a bunch of them cooperate so you can use the branches of each other for free. There are still local-side ATM fees, though, so it’s not ideal (but not double-fee), but you can go into the branches to withdraw money or whatever you need to do, without any issues.

            We have moved a lot. We had kept one bank account with a bank we specifically don’t like, just because they had locations “everywhere” – and then we moved again, to a place that is one of their coverage gaps (no ATMs and no banks within an hour’s drive). Oops. But the credit union thing is doing the trick for us; there are actually two local credit unions (which each have some ATMs) that are both in cooperation with our “home” credit union, and it is lovely.

            That said, obviously, a credit union in another state is not going to be interested in taking an out-of-state mortgage for you, and there’s the ATM fee question, so it’s partly a matter of what you need from them. But compared to the “they keep changing out account type and adding fees” banks, it’s no contest for us.

          • CII

            Our credit union not only cooperates with other local credit union atms (no fees), but also refunds all of our bigbank atm fees as long as we use our debit card a certain # of times per month. We aren’t big users of the debit card, but we use it to buy groceries, and that’s enough. Obviously everyone’s credit union terms are different, but this one was a surprising bonus for us.

        • Just an FYI – check and see if your credit union is a member of the Shared Services co-op, which allows you to go to any of the 5000+ member locations and do all your banking as if you’re at your hometown branch. Here’s a link – https://co-opcreditunions.org/locator/?ref=co-opsharedbranch.org&sc=1

          • JC

            I have definitely found partner locations in a lot of places! It is the smallest of small inconveniences, since I do most of my banking online anyway. And now I’m really not feeling compelled to change!

          • Cha

            Co-op shared banking is the best! I still have my accounts at my wonderful credit union in Minnesota, even though I’ve made two cross-country moves away from there, and it’s never been a hassle to use local co-op credit unions in my new cities. Also, I’m about to get a car loan through my MN credit union (from 1,000 miles away) because they have the best rates around.

          • Agreed! I love that I can bank like I’m at home even when I’m traveling, or I can deposit money into my mom’s CU account in MI. I hadn’t even considered getting a loan tho, I should totally check that out. Thanks for the tip!

      • CII

        When we merged finances, we both closed our individual accounts – me at Wells Fargo – and opened a joint account at a credit union. So I’m at a random WF branch withdrawing ALL THE MONEY I have in the world (like $12K at the time, but that was, and still is, a lot of money to me. Also, at the time, it was ALL my money), and the people at Wells Fargo (1) lecture me that I will never be able to get a car loan or a home loan at a credit union, and (1) tell me that if I don’t pony up $50 for a cashier’s check, they are going to hand me my money in cash — like, I’m just going to have to carry it out of the bank in my hands and walk a few blocks to my car. Way to convince me I’m making the right decision, WF.

        • JC

          Oh good. Money shaming. Definitely the way to keep customers, WF…

        • Jessica

          It’s like the financial version of “if you have an abortion you’ll never be able to have kids again,” sort of threat. Lies, lies, damn lies.

        • Ashlah

          I had to carry my cash across town when I switched from Chase to a credit union. It was so nerve wracking. (If I had been a little older, I would have pushed back because wtf. I didn’t know any better.) At least they didn’t feed me bullshit to try to get me to stay.

        • As a faithful credit union user my entire life, the lies they told you about credit unions makes me ragey! Glad to hear you got away from them.

        • toomanybooks

          Lol, you could have said $1200 and I’d have been like, “fair.”

        • So..does the credit union not have online banking? Because you can just move large chunks of money around all the time like that without having to drive cross town…

        • AP

          Our home loan is through our credit union and it is the BEST interest rate around. WF is terrible for lying like that. Kudos on your decision!

    • Lisa

      Those are some AMAZING milestones!! We’re on-track right now to have saved all of the money for my husband’s loans by the end of April when he graduates, and we should be fully funding my Roth IRA this year. YNAB is the best.

    • Eenie

      We got real last month with our finances since I’m currently unemployed. It was so easy to focus on the negatives, but when we looked at it closer we’ve got a fully funded emergency fund, are currently learning what our bare bones monthly spending needs actually are (so we can see if our number for the emergency fund really is 6 month expenses), and have a great financial plan for whenever it is I finally get a job…

      • JC

        Solidarity and good thoughts!

    • Not Sarah

      Woo!!! What empowerment this must be bringing you.

    • Cellistec

      No joke. I also just started reading The Index Card this morning, on APW recommendations, and as of an hour ago have figured out how to pay off my credit card and keep saving for travel. Y’all are geniuses by proxy.

      • JC

        LOVED The Index Card (also love her columns on Slate). I finished I Will Teach You To Be Rich this week. (Meg was right– the tone sucks, but the advice is solid.) Year of Yes and Mind Over Money are next on the list, because I wanted some kick in the butt action items, and then some good navel gazing.

    • Sara

      Congratulations! I dream of being that financially secure. I’m doing well enough – a little credit card debt that I ended up renting out my 2nd bedroom for – but things could be better.

      I’m super frustrated because I got a second job at a studio teaching aerial fitness (which I LOVE), but the studio cancelled both of my classes without warning and then just handwaved the issue by saying ‘oops, sorry! we need to communicate better’. I thought I was being passive-aggressively fired for some reason, but then this week they asked if I wanted to teach class at the SAME TIME as the one they cancelled. So who knows. And look, I have a full time job so I wasn’t depending on it. But it was helping to get that extra money each month. Ugh. People, amiright?

      • JC

        Ugh, that’s awful, I’m sorry! (Although glad you weren’t fired, just…dismissed?) That is one part of what has kept me from adjuncting, because I just can’t handle the sudden cancellation of a chunk of income. I hope this new class opens some new doors.

        (Aerial fitness sounds SO AMAZING. I sometimes think I’m a fraidy cat, and then I read your comment and I’m like, Hell yeah I would swing on a trapeze!)

        • Sara

          I wasn’t even dismissed, because I run open gym from time to time. So I get paid like 20 bucks every week or so. Its been a weird month. Even more bizarre is the studio approached me to train to teach aerial hoop/lyra classes, so they want me to take on more? I’m just riding it out for now :)

          I teach aerial hammocks/sling and its amazing. Its much closer to the ground than the trapeze :) Really good for upper body and core!

    • JSK

      NICE! That’s awesome progress. The tough conversations are much easier when you’re both certain of the status quo and larger goals.

      FWIW: We’ve been married almost 4 years and have never combined accounts, but we consider our finances combined. We pay for specific things from specific accounts but I track my stuff one way (obsessively) and he tracks his stuff another (altogether too casually, imo). Tough to get a big picture view this way, but it’s continued to work for us so I see little reason to change.

      • JC

        There have been some super valuable conversations here about how couples combine/split their money.

    • CP2011

      This is one reason I’m so excited that APW is launching their new platform! I have gotten so much advice about financial and general life things from here (YNAB and Ally bank in particular) and it will be awesome to have another forum for all those types of things!

  • Anon for this

    Hey, I wrote about this months and months ago, and am going anon again today to update. Sorry if the timeline is confusing or wonky, so of it’s bizarre and some has been changed a bit for anonymity.

    Last winter, my fiance found out that his dad has a secret second family. His parents have been divorced a few years now, but he’s had a second family for at least 15 years (including another daughter). Last I wrote, fiance and I were the only ones who knew and fiance was railing against the idea of telling his mother.

    So. We’ve been working through this mess for more than 6 months, and recently fiance saw his dad’s side of the family and got some details. Basically, it turns out that his dad is bad-soap-opera levels of evil. He kept this secret from everyone for 10+ years, including not telling his mistress that she was a mistress or explaining why they couldn’t get married despite having a kid together. This while still actively being married to fiance’s mom. Apparently, his mistress found out shortly after the divorce, when he went “good news! we can get married now! oh by the way I was married this whole time but now I’m not so it’s cool.”

    A couple years ago, he showed up at our aunt’s house with a little girl and told the little girl to call her Auntie. That’s how his siblings found out.

    The worse thing? After fiance’s parents divorced, he poisoned his relatives against fiance’s mom and family. They hadn’t spoken to fiance or his mom in years because they thought she was at fault for the divorce (reality was that she had been left with nothing but an STI from her husband, and newly diagnosed cancer). It wasn’t until our aunt found out about the second family that she started to question her brother, and she’s been trying to piece together the truth since.

    So, the bad news: we were hoping that fiance’s dad was a good man that got in over his head and made a long series of bad decisions. Turns out that the ease with which he lies and scams is terrifying, and that he’s stopped trying to hide the fact that he’s a womanizing douchebag on top of it. So fiance has decided to cut off contact.

    The good news: we’re moving towards being open and truthful about the whole thing, and it sounds like his aunt wants to reconnect with his mom and is interested in helping us break the news to her.

    …so how are your wedding guest lists looking?

    • Ashlah

      Wow. Not sure how respond, other than I’m sorry and I’m sending strength. What a terrible person. I hope your fiance is doing okay.

      • Anon for this

        Thanks. There’s been counseling involved and that’s helped, but having his aunt involved and him opening up to the idea of talking about it with other people (including other father figures in his life) is big progress.

        Basically, he feels like he’d been holding on to a idea of his father that wasn’t real. Now that he’s seen the man, met his second wife and kid, and gotten more details, he’s ready to really process it all.

    • cml

      WOW…that’s all I got. Feeling for you & fiancé!

    • Jessica

      Oh gosh. That sounds like a lot. Sending thoughts of healing and resilience, and keeping the WTF??? thoughts here with me.

      • Anon for this

        Thanks. Keeping the WTF thoughts to myself has been a real learning experience. As involved as I am, I can say *almost* anything about the situation. But not anything.

        • Jessica

          Yeah. My immediate thought reading this was “I would get a therapist for myself, because there is no way I could say all the shit I wanted to out loud.”

          Good luck, my dear.

    • Laura

      I am speechless, and my heart breaks for your fiance– that must have been an impossible decision to make, but I think it is best under the circumstances.

      • Anon for this

        Thanks. We think it’s right for now, too.

        My mom was estranged from her father on and off over the course of his life, so we’ve got a bit of a model to look to. Life is long and we already know that cutting him off likely doesn’t mean completely or forever. Especially not when we think about fiance’s new teen half-sister.

        But for a while, the healthiest thing to do is cut him off.

    • PAJane aka Awesome Tits

      *blink* This is some New York Time bestseller level drama right here. Here’s hoping that knowing the truth will prove healing, over time.

      • Anon for this

        Honestly, it is. It’s exhausting trying to keep track of everyone’s POV. There are so many people who’ve been lied to, many of them women.

        Setting aside that this is happening to us right now, I can’t stop thinking about those women. Especially this smart, shy little teenage girl who found out a few years ago that she was a secret and that she has a big brother. She’s so hurt and angry and I’m worried for her.

        • Ashlah

          God, that breaks my heart.

        • Anon for this

          To clarify: little sister found out years before fiance. She’s been living her life knowing she had a brother out there that wasn’t allowed to know about her.

          • rg223

            Gosh :( I feel so much for her!

        • PAJane aka Awesome Tits

          Yeah, that poor kid. There is no good time to find out something like this (holy gaslighting, Batman), but the teenage years are already super bewildering. Do you think you’ll have any sort of relationship with her?

          • Anon for this

            We live really far away, and it’s difficult to have a relationship with a minor but not their parent?

            Right now, all we’ve figured out is that when we’re in town we could have dinner with that side of the family. Our aunt will be a buffer, and we’ll be able to check in on his wife and daughter. It does mean seeing fiance’s dad, but it seems like something we should do. We’re only there once every year or two, though, so we’re still thinking.

      • Random – this is actually the plot of the book Silver Sparrow by Tayari Jones. Basically guy has 2 separate families, with 1 mom/daughter knowing they are a secret & the other mom/daughter being in the dark. Fantastic read.

        • Rebekah

          Fangirl here who got to interview Tayari for my college publication (a handful of years back). She’s amazing and I loved both her books.

          • OMG I love her. She came to Mpls for a reading and I tweeted her beforehand, so at the reading she looked for me! And then invited me and my friends to dinner with her which was amazing. She’s so great and her books are amazing.

        • THANK YOU! I was trying to remember the name of the book. I read it a couple years ago and was having major deja vu reading Anon’s post.

        • Anon for this

          Trying to decide if reading this right now would be cathartic or fucked up.

    • rg223

      Solidarity to you. We aren’t in super similar situations, but my husband’s father also has a secret life that has been slowly coming out and has been extremely damaging to the family for many years (though, it’s sounding really similar without the sharing specifics!). It really helped my husband to share the situation with close, trusted friends – it’s relieving him of this, like, legacy of shame. I’m glad being open is helping your husband too. I hope you continue in this positive direction, and his aunt’s acceptance and support helps you guys as well. Good luck!

      • Anon for this

        Thanks. Solidarity to you too, it’s not exactly a club you want to find has a lot of members?

        Good luck to you and your husband.

  • louise danger

    you guys i now have Too Many Weddings lol

    back in the beforetimes when i started planning (about two-three months ago, womp), we’d explored the option of Mr Danger’s childhood parish’s [recently retired] priest as our officiant. A Catholic wedding wasn’t EVER really what i’d imagined for myself, except in my wildest The Sound of Music fantasies, but it seemed like a nice way to kill two wedding doves – creating a ceremony and finding an officiant – with one stone and also a nice excuse to bust out all my fave baroque organ music. Heyyy.

    so anyway, being recently retired, Fr. Priestguy was very difficult to get a hold of all summer. since other vendors needed answers about dates and locations, we decided to forge ahead with our primary/preferred choice of venue and day, both of which are likely incompatible with a Catholic ceremony. contracts have been signed and negotiations have been made using these plans. lo and behold, Fr. Priestguy resurfaced earlier this week, and has said he would be thrilled to be involved – but, of course, it would need to be a Catholic Wedding™.

    the solution on which i think we’ve settled is that we are going to get married at the outdoors food truck event we’ve been planning for Oct 2017, and then ALSO get weddinged/Rite of Marriage’d up at Mr Danger’s childhood parish (with a casual backyard party-type reception for his enormous NYC-natives extended family, hosted by his folks) in Spring 2018. …i have already dusted off the spreadsheet I made earlier this summer with all the details for the ceremony, I’m so obsessed. @__@

    oh and non sequitur for all of that, we’ve picked the honeymoon destination: a week cruising around the far northern Scottish Highlands on the North Coast 500, flying via Iceland! think a Rte 66 trip, but with sheep.

    • gonzalesbeach

      ooo Scotland!! I’m still mad at myself for not going the last time I was in the UK. Both wedding events sounding great!

    • Amy March

      Just a minor caution- some priests are particular about your Catholic wedding being your legal and religious wedding, and it you are already married prefer that you have a convalidation of your marriage in the church instead of a wedding. No idea if this will be an issue for you, just maybe something to bring up sooner rather than later with him since he doesn’t sound the most forthcoming about things.

      • louise danger

        Fr Priestguy is very chill and open to a lot of things (and suuuuper close with fiance and his family) but that’s something I wasn’t aware of – I’ll make sure to have fiance ask about it when we’re ironing things out. Thank you for mentioning it!

      • A convalidation doesn’t look any different from a “normal” Catholic wedding tho. We were legally married 6 weeks before our Catholic wedding and it didn’t cause any problems — in fact, separating the civil and religious ceremonies is pretty common in many Latin American (aka Catholic) countries. There might be other preparation requirements tho, especially if getting married in childhood parish means you have to work with the parish wedding coordinator instead of just the priest.

        • Amy March

          I think it just depends- one of our local churches insists that convalidations are not to be big and wedding-y, and even says no attendants, no big white dresses, and pushes to have them during a regularly scheduled mass. Just worth checking on!

  • Olive

    I’m excited to see what The Compact has in store!

    Leaving work early for our first anniversary celebration! I’m so excited to get out of town for the weekend with my guy. :)

    After the advisor conundrum last week, this week was a little better. I haven’t discussed it with him (the advisor), and I’m not sure if I want to. He honestly probably doesn’t even remember what happened. I talked to my therapist about starting some anti-anxiety meds which will hopefully help me finish my PhD in peace and then move on with my life (while obviously still working on managing the anxiety myself).

    I’ve shared my sticker reward system here before (inspired by my niece who has successfully been potty trained!), and it’s time for a big reward. I’m ordering myself one of these bracelets from etsy with my affirmation word “capable” and I wish I could have it right now. I’m so excited.

    So until 4, I’ll be singing Adele in my lab, getting some work done, and hanging out here. :) Love to you all, hope you have a fabulous weekend.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a4ad93d21447920f119c6eaf32d413cafce3595eb00c07c537c4c543d644ac24.png

    • PAJane aka Awesome Tits

      Ooooo, what artist makes those?Also, sticker reward system for the win. I use it as well.

      • LadyMe

        https://www.etsy.com/market/signature_bracelet
        Looks like there’s several people on etsy who do it

        • PAJane aka Awesome Tits

          Thanks!

      • Olive

        Yea, there’s a lot of these on etsy. This is from the shop GracePersonalized.

        So exciting to hear of another adult using stickers! I’ve been telling all my friends. So proud of myself.

        • PAJane aka Awesome Tits

          Stickers make me really happy. Glad I’m not the only one. :)

    • Totch

      Congrats! Just ordered myself a similar reward! A bangle from Etsy with my favorite quote/mantra on it.

      • Olive

        Awesome! Go you!

  • cml

    It’s been a rough few weeks – my fiancé’s brother (& best man) passed away a week after finding out his cancer had come back, and the funeral was last weekend. Horrible. But, I will say that the whole thing only served to reinforce that I’m marrying the right person. He really stepped up for his parents & family in a big way and I just love him so much!

    In other news, after 6 months of saying i want window boxes “some day”, we are getting window boxes on the front of our cute little house next weekend and taking engagement pics in front of said house at the end of the month and I’m so excited that it’s actually all coming together!

    • Olive

      I love that your engagement photos will be at your house! We first met at a party in our (his) house, and I have a dream of taking portraits there before we move. Also so jealous of the window boxes…I will have them someday too. :)

      • cml

        You should definitely take pics there! This is our first house and first home together, so I’m so excited.
        We ordered vinyl window boxes on sale on hayneedle.Com (because yikes those things can get pricey). I got one put together last night, not without some struggles and cussing, but they look good. The sale might still be going on!

        • Olive

          Thanks for the tip! I’ll check it out! Might need to measure first. I’ve become obsessed with all things home. <3

          • cml

            And not to be awkward, but the sote sent me a code for 10% off my next purchase that might work if you want it…I’m cutting myself off of more purchases for the forseeable future. :)

          • Olive

            Haha not awkward at all. I don’t think I’ll order any for a while, but thank you!

    • idkmybffjill

      I am so sorry for your loss, how awful – I can’t imagine.

      • cml

        Thanks – he had just turned 30 and was married and was the oldest of his cousins, so they all looked up to him. It’s just been a lot, and my heart is broken for his wife & family. Then at the same time, I felt like I was involved yet not all at the same time, since I’m “new”, ya know? so lots of weird emotions to navigate.

        • flashphase

          That’s really tough for everyone, including you. Take care of yourself!

          • cml

            Thank you! :)

        • idkmybffjill

          That is definitely alot. I’m so sorry for your loss and wish you so much goodness as you go on!

    • Not Sarah

      I’m so sorry your fiance’s brother and best man passed away so suddenly – I cannot even begin to imagine the emotions surrounding that.

      I can though really cosign the “reinforcing that I’m marrying the right person” part though as we had something stressful happen which caused us to skip the engagement in favour of just getting married and the entire experience really reinforced that we were with the right people! Watching how each of us dealt with the stress just fills me with even more love for my husband than I had before. We’ve said “I love you” so much more in the last month than we had in ages and it is amazing in the face of crisis.

      • cml

        And isn’t it so great that for both of us, it wasn’t, “oh no, you’re the worst, how do I get out of this?”

        • Not Sarah

          Yes, it really is! :)

    • “I Don’t Knowww, Margo!”

      I’m so sorry for your loss, and but I’m so glad your fiance is everything you thought he was. Sending hugs!

    • Totch

      So sorry for your loss, but I also have had that feeling during hard times of “Thank God this is the exact right person to be doing this with.”

  • Her Lindsayship

    My fiancé got a new job!! He’s been ready to move on from his current one pretty much since I met him, and the new one is such a good fit it was finally worth leaving. I’m so excited for him, he’s a little freaked out (he’s been in the same job since college), but overall it’s a great step! He has worked from home for as long as I’ve known him, and now he will be working at an OFFICE and this is crazy. I think it will be a pretty big adjustment, but we’ll get through it! Cheers!!

    • louise danger

      godspeed to him regarding adjusting to an office after telecommuting for so long! and congratulations on landing a big new opportunity! :)

    • NolaJael

      Going from home to an office can be a bigger adjustment than people think. Make sure you both give yourself some breathing room to adjust. And congrats on the great news!

      • Her Lindsayship

        Thanks! I’m preparing to give him some more space at home since he’s not used to working around people all day. Trying not to think about how this huge change will impact our wedding planning momentum, and just focusing on being as supportive as possible. It’ll be interesting, that’s for sure!

        • NolaJael

          Sounds like you are already thinking about it which is way better than being surprised. When my husband went from make-your-own-schedule freelancing to a 9-5 I had to constantly remind myself that this was an adjustment for BOTH of us, even though my schedule hadn’t changed.

          It may take a while for you both to figure out new routines like eating take out if someone doesn’t feel like cooking or if going to happy hours is still fun or if you have to push more to meet up with friends. At some point you’re going to have feelings about it, and remember that’s okay!!

  • Bsquillo

    Hey APW team…since y’all were asking for new site feedback this morning, can a make a quick web user experience suggestion? It would be helpful (and best to keep visitors on your site) if you set all your links (in Happy Hour and elsewhere) to open in a new window, rather than navigating away from the site. You can do this in the code by setting your target “=_blank”. I hate having to hit the back button from articles to reload this page, especially if I’m skimming through lots of links AND actively checking this comment section! I know I can manually open them in a new tab myself, but I think making it the default is easier for users.

    • Nikki

      YES! I’ve been thinking this for forever.

    • Amy Brown

      I’m a web developer/designer and I kindly offer the opposite opinion! I think the users should be in control of where a link opens (whether in the same tab or a new tab). I admit, this can be more of an “advanced” user thing to know how to Ctrl/CMD or right click to open a new tab, but it is still something to consider for older phones, older tablets, and screen readers (accessibility device) that can’t handle new tabs like our computer browsers can.

      This is an age old debate and I’m happy to share articles arguing both sides if anyone is interested.

      • Yeah, if you’ve got a problem with it opening in the same tab, just hit the Ctrl or Cmd key when you click the link.

  • sofar

    Back from honeymoom (Pacific Northwest), and it was amazing. Highlights included cabin with hot tub, motivating each other through a MUCH more strenuous day hike than we’d bargained for, major hotel room upgrade, and spending way too much at Pike Place Market AND on a certain substance that is legal in Washington.

    We also lied to all our friends and family and told them we were leaving two days earlier than we actually did and coming back two days later than we actually did, so everyone would leave us the EFF alone.

    • flashphase

      :clapping emoji: LIVING THE DREAM! especially the not-telling-people part – brilliant!

    • Laura

      Um, can I steal this honeymoon idea? Because that sounds AMAZING. Congratulations!

    • Totch

      Stealing that departure date lie. Brilliant.

      • sofar

        It was the best. It was inspired by a super-annoying family friend announcing she was coming into town two days before we were leaving, and we were like, “Oh we’ll be on our honeymoon. Sorreeeeee!” And then we just started telling everyone that.

        Two days before departure, we were sipping champagne and packing while ignoring all texts and calls.

    • Katherine

      This makes me so excited for our upcoming Pacific Northwest honeymoon! Where did y’all stay? We’ll be in Snoqualmie. Recommendations on must-dos are welcome!

      • JC

        Snoqualmie is so cute! If you want some totally non-touristy, very low-key ideas:
        Adventure Bowling is an awesome, local bowling alley with blacklights and boy band music.
        Snoqualmie Falls (ok, a little touristy, but worth it) are simply beautiful waterfalls.
        Remlinger Farms in Carnation (a very short drive) should have pumpkins to pick, plus I’m sure they’ll have Halloween/fall activities.

      • It won;t be the season, but picking lavender outside of Seattle is a blast. I did it back in 2012?
        http://byov.blogspot.com/2012/08/u-pick-lavender-berry.html

      • sofar

        We stayed in Seattle and near Mt. Rainier. So not familiar with Snoqualmie. I figure you can’t go wrong, though. Even just driving around trying to find a grocery store will be pretty.

        Lots of people think PNW is a “weird” honeymoon destination, but I’m like, “Uh, cooler weather, gorgeous scenery, chill vibe, mountains, ocean, amazing food, and legal weed? What’s not to love?”

        • Ashlah

          Live here (in Oregon), can confirm its greatness. Seems like a wonderful honeymoon destination to me!

  • flashphase

    Y’all, I am so looking forward to September being over. It has been an exhausting and draining month. I’ve been trying to be by the side of a friend (mid-30s) who lost her husband at the beginning of the month. Plus, there’s been tons of family drama from my FH’s side that leaves him stressed, exhausted, and sad (I just can’t with my MIL right now).

    BUT! I made it to restorative yoga twice (cried once – I think that’s good though), we found an officiant who seems perfect and fingers crossed is available on our date, we booked a wedding coordinator who is awesome and will surely make everything easier, we are stuffing and mailing save-the-dates tomorrow and we have a tasting tonight!! 3.5 months to go, a lot to do, but we are getting there!

    • louise danger

      TASTINGS omnomnom please can you continue the trend of posting your menu here when it’s finalized? :)

      Fingers crossed for your officiant’s availability, and solidarity high-fives for the family drama. And I hear you about September – I was putting a date on an employee’s timecard this morning when I had to stop and really read the date. I’m not sure where September *went*!

    • NolaJael

      I had a months-long phase of my life where I cried every.single.time I went to a yoga class. You can fool the world by putting on a brave face, but you can’t fool your body. Hope your October is looking up!

    • gonzalesbeach

      sounds super stressful, but also that you’re taking some time to recharge your batteries is great. whoot on the tasting. ditto on seeing the menu!

  • NolaJael

    Married September 17th! We had an amazing low-key wedding at a fabulous “cabin” in Lake Tahoe. All our various parents, stepparents, siblings and their SOs were able to attend, rounding out the guest list at 22 total. Our decisions to keep it immediate family focused, self-cater and go vendor-less really kept the mood intimate and low pressure. Thanks to my APW peeps, this site was my rock through all the decisions (including deciding to forgo a dress!). https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7e1150b80e04a57e37e7cb612eff38652514ac049acbe51099f04275a7b3fff4.jpg

    • Ashlah

      Congrats!!

    • Cellistec

      Hooray! Congratulations!

    • “I Don’t Knowww, Margo!”

      Ahh! You look great! And so happy!

    • Lawyer_Chef

      Congratulations!!

    • gonzalesbeach

      loving the hat/flower net thingy! looks awesome, congrats!

    • Totch

      Congrats!

    • CommaChick

      We are wedding date and wedding style twins. We got married that Saturday, too. With parents, siblings [and significant others] and grandparents in attendance, we had 28, including us and the officiant. It was definitely the way to go for us.

    • Rando question: How do you keep your bangs from getting all grease-clumped together?
      Mine seem to clump severely unless I put an ungodly amount of dry shampoo on ’em at the start of the day.

      • NolaJael

        Ha! You’re probably the first and last person to ever ask me hair advice. Normally I wash and wear, but comb them higher on my forehead so they’re not really proper bangs. But! For this I added a little wax. That’s it. Also helps that it was 0% humidity in Tahoe.

    • Maggie Dragon

      LOVE the white blazer.

  • Laura C

    I have nearly made it through three days of working with baby and without nanny (she couldn’t make it; my husband doesn’t go to work until two hours into my work day and he stayed home for half a day yesterday) and I am going to survive this and on Monday the baby starts daycare and I will have a little time to myself sometimes! I haven’t been away from him for more than three hours at a stretch in the nearly six months since he was born and I’m alternating between SO excited and pretty nervous. Also tonight we’re moving him to his own bedroom.

    • emmers

      Yay daycare! And good job to you for making it through sans nanny! And yay own bedroom!!!

    • rg223

      I’m impressed you were able to work and watch the baby at the same time – great job! Good luck with everything!

  • Ashlah

    Samantha Bee just keeps getting better.

  • Katelyn

    I’d like to apologize in advance for being the Debbie Downer of the day.

    Last week I wrote about my sister-in-law’s surgery to remove a brain tumor. The surgery was mostly successful and they removed about 99%. However, it was indeed cancerous – at the time, we didn’t have any further detail.

    The news came in yesterday that it is one of the worst forms (my brother didn’t specify which) and very aggressive. She will not be given 3-4 weeks to heal from surgery as originally planned – tomorrow they are starting lengthy chemo and radiation treatments daily for the next 6 weeks.

    Every time we hope for good news. Every time we are disappointed.

    This beautiful woman and my brother have three children under the age of 5. She’s 33 years old.

    FUCK. CANCER.

    • Laura

      I am so sorry. Sending positive thoughts to you and your family!

    • Cellistec

      I’m so sorry your sister-in-law and the whole family are going through this. Absolutely fuck cancer.

    • I am so sorry for your family, sending positive thoughts to you all.

    • Ashlah

      Oh I am so, so sorry. I hate to hear this.

    • rg223

      I’m so sorry to hear this news. Internet hugs to all of you.

    • emmers

      That is shitty, and I’m sorry.

    • Totch

      So sorry. I recently had a family member pass in a similar way – the tumor was so fast growing they didnt have time to treat. Fuck cancer.

    • AGCourtney

      I’m so so sorry. Sending thoughts and prayers.

  • Eh

    So last Saturday my in-laws babysat my daughter for the first time while we were out. I talked last week about being nervous about it, and in the end it went pretty well. Before we left, I was showing my MIL where my daughter’s thermometer and Tylenol was in case she had a fever, and where her health card was in case of an emergency – being a diligent parent and all. She was confused as to why I was showing her this stuff and wondered if my daughter was sick. I clarified that she wasn’t sick but just in case she became sick (in the 4 or 5 hours we were going to be gone). Anyways, we stayed overnight and in the morning my daughter woke up with a very high fever. We gave her Tylenol and she cuddled with my husband before breakfast (and then puked on him right before he ate breakfast). We gave her a dose of Motrin before driving back home, and she slept the whole hour long drive. All day all she wanted to do was cuddle with us. I kept giving her medicine to reduce the fever but it kept getting really high. I checked it right before bed and it was 104.5F. I immediately tried to give her another dose of Tylenol but she was having febrile seizure in my arms so I put her on the floor and monitored her. This time it was short so we didn’t go to the hospital. (We did have a frustrating appointment with the doctor on-call at our clinic the next day – she questioned why we came when we clearly know what to do when she has a seizure.)

    Another interesting observation: My MIL has been a bit resentful about me breastfeeding because she never got to bond with my daughter by feeding her a bottle and cuddling her when she was little (like she did with my youngest niece). My daughter also doesn’t like to be cuddled or rocked to sleep (my MIL tried this one time and it went horrible and she insisted my daughter was just not ready to go for a nap) so my MIL also missed out on that. On Saturday, my MIL read her a book before bed and tried to cuddle my daughter but my daughter didn’t want to cuddle so she pushed her away. When we got back she told us what happened and I confirmed that it how she normally acts and not to take offence. When my MIL saw my daughter cuddling with my husband on Sunday morning she knew that my daughter must have been very sick.

    • Amy March

      Congrats! I’m glad it went well.

    • Lisa

      The sickness sucks, but at least it didn’t hit until you guys were back! Hopefully your ILs will be more open to babysitting in the future.

      • Eh

        I am very glad she didn’t get sick until after we got back and that she didn’t have a seizure until after we got home (MIL was holding her right before her first seizure). They seemed open to babysitting again when we got back (and even at breakfast – after she puked on my husband and their floor). I think they forget how fast kids can get really sick, and unfortunately this was a bit of reminder of that.

    • rg223

      I’m glad the babysitting went well and hope you had fun going out! I had a similar situation with my MIL, that she always wants to hold my son and cuddle with him, and he is… just not at all about that. He can be cuddly sometimes, but it’s on his own terms. He mostly wants to be exploring his surroundings, especially in the daytime when my in-laws most frequently see him. My MIL was also resentful of my breastfeeding and couldn’t wait until my son took a bottle so she could give it to him. It bothered me a lot for a while, but now I’ve pretty much accepted that she has preferred ways of bonding with him, and I should a) not get offended by it and b) just let it be, even though I’d prefer if she responded to his cues. You sound like you have a good understanding of your MIL!

      • Eh

        My MIL gave my daughter a bottle for the first time Saturday night. My daughter (who is 14 months) does not like bottles so we warned her that it wasn’t going to be a pretty scene and not to be concerned if she didn’t drink much.

  • louise danger

    oh also SUPER MEGA SHOUT-OUT to Corey the APW Webperson on this, the day of the New Site Rollout. you have the cheerful and unending patience of a saint, Corey. hats off.

  • Lawyer_Chef

    I got married last weekend!! The entire thing was amazing from start to finish. But I realized afterward that it was so perfect because I basically forgot about the hugest problem, which was that my mom couldn’t be there and was instead in the hospital. I had known for a while she wouldn’t be able to come (she’s had cancer for about 6 months now) but because she wasn’t feeling well, we didn’t talk and she didn’t even return texts all weekend, so I just put it out of my head and had a great time. We still haven’t had a big talk, just texts and photos back and forth, because she’s not feeling up to it yet. I just feel like there’s a hole because I haven’t gotten to share this with her yet. It’s weird. I’m visiting them in three weeks (after I get back from my honeymoon, which I’m leaving for tomorrow!!) so we’ll hopefully get to really spend some time together then.

    • louise danger

      congratulations! i’m glad you were able to be in the moment, and i’m sure your mom (and folks) will be thrilled to talk about everything with you when you visit <3 enjoy your honeymoon!

  • Michela

    Thanks to everyone who commented last week with advice on long-distance job searching. T and I discussed everything you guys said and decided that instead of postponing job searching till December, I’m going to start…now. I’ve applied to 33 jobs in 3 days in the greater San Diego area. I’ve only heard back from one- a rejection- but I’m determined to keep plugging along at breakneck speed. If you or anyone you know has marketing connections in San Diego- hit me up!!

    Off work soon to enjoy a low-key girls’ night and then T and I are off to Nashville for the BEYONCÉ CONCERT. Cannot wait!!!

    Have a lovely weekend, everyone!xo

    • Eenie

      Yay! Have so much fun in Nashville. I love that city.

      • Michela

        Thanks!! I’ve never been. Not a huge country music fan, so not sure what all there is to “do” there aside from enjoy the fabulous food and live music. Suggestions are welcome!xo

        • Lisa

          Soooo much good food! Our friends live down in Nashville now, and most of what we do is eat and drink. Is Live on the Green still happening at the courthouse? Not sure when the concert is, but we did that last year, and it was fun.

        • Eenie

          I hate country music and it’s still fun! There’s a replica of the Parthenon which is super cool. The downtown area is really fun for good food and live music – I don’t mind country music when it’s live! My in laws live in the suburbs so I’ve gone there quite a few times. Puckets is delicious!

        • Glenda

          F.Y.I., Nashville isn’t just country music.

        • InTheBurbs

          Jumping in to echo that Nashville is a blast. I’m not a huge country fan and more than anything enjoyed the restaurants we went to. Monell’s is a family style restaurant that serves fried chicken at every meal – while the thought of being seated with strangers scared me it ended up being super cool. We also liked Biscuit Love, Pancake Pantry and Pharmacy

    • Natalie

      Job searching solidarity. I’m applying for jobs right now, and waiting to hear back is the WORST.

  • Cellistec

    I’ve been starting book-recommendation threads on HH for a few weeks, and have been 100% impressed with the smart advice for reading on post-marriage topics such as finances, family drama, kids, feminism in action, etc. Could The Compact include a “further reading” or book recommendation page, culled from the wisdom of the APW staff and commenters? A curriculum for modern, feminist, real life, if you will?

    • Jessica

      Bring back book club!

    • JC

      +100

    • LadyMe

      Books and blog recs!

      • Alyssa Andrews

        YES! Was just thinking this morning that I need some new book recs after scouring past posts on APW book recommendations

    • Emily

      I love this idea. I still have a printed copy of a list of books on feminism that came from APW.

  • Laura

    Today marks 11 months with my SO! We have had some tough times, but we are so honest and open with one another, I am confident that we can handle anything life throws at us. Very happy to have made it to this point. <3

    In other news, a woman in my office got engaged several months ago. The wedding isn't for over a year, but I can hear her STILL constantly discussing the logistics with anyone who will listen. Her parents are very wealthy and are footing the whole bill, so it's going to be a big to-do. I don't participate in the conversations but her office is right near where I sit and I just… don't want to hear any more. I'm thrilled for her, but the engagement is old news and the wedding isn't imminent at all.

    Have you ever encountered someone who won't stop talking about their wedding like this? Or am I just being a grinch?

    • idkmybffjill

      I cringe a little only because I’m sure I might sound like that to coworkers sometimes – but it’s genuinely because they ask! In the last year… literally half of our 60 person office has gotten married, so it’s just a big/easy topic! I’m sure it’s annoying to people. :|

      • Totch

        I can second this: small talk gets hard after a while, and wedding planning is a Thing People Know About Me.

        I get asked about it at least a couple times a week, and since it’s still 6 months away I often don’t have much to say and kind of make something up to be polite. But yeah, for the people not doing the asking, I bet it gets annoying.

        • idkmybffjill

          Right… for about a year of our 18 month engagement I usually said, “Oh great! Still have a long way to go”. But in the last couple months (2 weeks out), I have definitely been more forthcoming. Whatreyougonnado.

          • toomanybooks

            Yeah. Most of my engagement has been like “sorry, no new info!” and I’ve only recently gotten around to most of the real planning.

        • Katharine Parker

          “Small talk gets hard after a while, and wedding planning is a Thing People Know About Me.”

          I think recognizing this is key to tolerating all forms of wedding talk, whether you’re the one getting married or not. Weddings are an easy source for small talk – same as the weather, weekend plans, new restaurants, etc. Most people don’t want to hear all about someone else’s wedding, but it’s usually a non-controversial thing to ask about – which it sounds like Laura’s coworker doesn’t get. And most people getting married don’t want to talk about their wedding all the time, but usually there are things that are easy to share without getting too deep into it. That’s why the polite thing is to be like, “we picked out a cake! Babycakes’ red velvet is delicious – have you tried it?” And move on.

          • Totch

            THIS. My standard line lately when asked is “Oh, it’s going well. We still need to find an officiant, though!” Most people smile and nod and the interaction is done.

            But there are also people doing the asking who don’t recognize what’s happening, so they start giving advice or listing off officiants or talking about how we should do a church wedding so we can have a minister/priest do it.

            But as long as everyone understands the appropriate level of depth? Yeah, weddings are fine for small talk.

      • raccooncity

        I did find that people asked me about my wedding a LOT as well. (honestly, even more than people ask about impending baby!) I got pretty bored of updating people every day. But if I hadn’t been so bored with it, I’m sure I could have dominated the conversation quite a lot. People loved having something specific to check-in about, I guess.

        • idkmybffjill

          There’s only a couple of people (newly weds or newly engaged) that I really gab with… it’s just sort of a big thing that’s happening in our lives so I think it’s just on people’s minds!

          I try to be really read the room on if people are being polite or if they Want To Know Everything, and I try to restrain myself as much as possible. ¯_(ツ)_/¯

        • gonzalesbeach

          So this! People at work keep asking me about ‘how is the new house’ because that’s the only thing they remember about my life. oh and the kittens. the kittens are cats now. Thankfully I love to talk about my cats.

    • Amy March

      Yup. No, even I, who adores weddings, do not have the stamina for 20 months of wedding planning at work.

    • gonzalesbeach

      yes, I have. And I think it depends on the person’s focus perhaps. We had someone in our office at one time who would not stop talking her wedding and we all rolled our eyes. Because her focus was on the money, not feelings. “we’re spending 25,000 on my dress. And the venue is 50,000 but that doesn’t even include the catering because we’re flying in Wolfgang Puck. And wedding favors are hand sized gold nuggets for everyone. And I’m getting giant crystal swans that cost 1 million dollars and they will fly out of my butt” and so on. If she’s contestant talked about her excitement about finding a great venue, or what she was including in her vows, or how happy she was about dress shopping with her mother then it would have been great to hear. So I get ya.

      • Laura

        BWAHAHAHA! The swan part got me! I love this so much.

      • JC

        She’s going to mad when the crystal swans flying out her butt ruin her $25,000 dress…She should have thought about that ahead of time…

        • gonzalesbeach

          LOL

  • idkmybffjill

    Our wedding is two weeks from tomorrow! All our logistics are all set, confirmed, and PDFed/Google Drive shared to anyone who would care… and now we just have to get some pretty picture frames for photos we want on display, and put all the decor in the car (our blessed venue puts it all up for us).

    I’m waffling between feeling so so ZEN and what feels exactly like stagefright (the good kind, my degree is in Acting, so that sort of buzzy yet anxious feeling for any other performers out there!).

    Any advice for the last weeks?

    • Ashlah

      Let go of anything that isn’t already done/very easily doable. Don’t get tempted by new ideas. Sounds like you’re already super organized, so yay for that! Do everything you can to prep, and then fuck it! It will be awesome! Take some time to yourself (/with your fiance) to relax and revel in your final unmarried days, and remind yourself exactly why you’re doing this whole marriage thing. It’s gonna be great.

      • idkmybffjill

        Ahhh great advice. Thank you so much!!!

        Last week I finally said Fuck It (with the help of my almost husband) to the Welcome boxes that were haunting me. I’d hand lettered these adorable craft paper to go boxes for all our out of town guests but couldn’t figure out what to put inside them that wasn’t really cost or time intensive. Also our guests aren’t even remotely staying in the same hotel so dropping them would’ve been…… alot. So eventually we just said Fuck It – he convinced me that the lettering work I’d done wouldn’t go to waste, and instead we would just give all future house guests Welcome gifts in them, lol. And we justified that since we have cool favors (Pint Glasses with a design he illustrated and I lettered), that was good enough.

        • Eenie

          Yes, I always appreciate a welcome bag, but we did away with them for our wedding and no one said anything. I really love your idea of a welcome gift for house guests!!

        • Olive

          pint glass favor solidarity! It was pricey but I still love them.

          • idkmybffjill

            We’d gotten them as favors at a friends wedding use them all the time!! I love that they remind me of what fun that wedding was. Hopefully people also enjoy them!

          • Eenie

            Oh make sure people know to take them! I have a full set of 12 from my brother’s wedding because people didn’t take them. So have someone do an announcement, spread the word, etc. They had a rather large wedding though (350) so that contributed as well.

          • Olive

            Yes! We used ours as seat assignments! I think I put up a couple signs to tell people to take them, as well. And I may have shamed our friends who live nearby after they forgot theirs that night…(they forgot them and felt bad).

            pleassse post a pic @rachelbrownjohn:disqus I’m obsessed with wedding pint glasses.

          • idkmybffjill

            Absolutely will do!! They’re set to arrive this weekend :).

          • Olive

            The sign we posted by the glasses said: “Cheers! O + D collect pint glasses on their adventures together, Here’s one they’d like to share with you. Please use it this evening and take it home as our gift to you.”

          • idkmybffjill

            Brill… we ordered short cause I figured some people would take one per family, etc.

            We have some friends who have like 30 leftover from theirs, and we’ve decided if we have a bunch leftover even with the short order we’re just going to have the worlds fanciest lemonade stand and give them away. ha!

          • Olive

            I love that we have extra (we are also low key hoarders). Just in case some break!

          • idkmybffjill

            That is very wise to keep in mind. I’m a bit of an intense purger and have occasionally regretted my GET RID OF ALL OF IT ways.

          • Lisa

            We brewed our own beer as wedding favors, and several people forgot to take one or didn’t grab any because they were flying. We still have some wedding beer under the guest bed…

        • lamarsh

          Just went to a wedding where the favor was those mason jar wineglasses (not sure how that fits into our day-to-day lives, but to each their own) and they had tied a note on each stem saying we could keep it as a favor and then placed it at our seat. You might be able to print something small saying the same thing and then put it inside the pint glass to encourage people to remember them.

          Also, great idea with the pint glasses — all are water glasses are pint glasses we’ve collected from visits to our favorite breweries and they make me so happy. I didn’t register for new/matching glasses because I do not want to get rid of them.

      • “I Don’t Knowww, Margo!”

        YES! I also had in my mind that at noon on the wedding day, I would cut myself off from giving any fucks. Anything that did or didn’t get done didn’t matter. Moving the ceremony inside? Didn’t care. I just concentrated on getting my makeup done and sneaking peeks out the window at all my people.

        • idkmybffjill

          SMART. A give a fuck deadline.

    • Eenie

      Sleep.

      • idkmybffjill

        LOLed. This is amazing. Thank you.

        • Eenie

          Super good luck in case we don’t see you in HH the next few weeks!

          • idkmybffjill

            Thank you!! You guys absolutely rule. I lurked for like… a year before joining the club and I am obsessed with everyone.

          • Eenie

            I lurked for three years….

          • idkmybffjill

            My people.

          • LadyMe

            Yeah, I started reading this site back in 2012 and just started commenting a few months ago.

          • rg223

            Also lurked since 2012, also started commenting regularly recently!

      • Totch

        You have much wisdom.

    • Lisa

      Soooo… I might legit be in Chicago the same weekend as your wedding to celebrate our anniversary! What a funny coincidence. :)

      I agree with @disqus_SU83Haapqj:disqus to not start any new projects unless they’re super important/already budgeted into the timeline. You don’t need the stress of it! Take time to enjoy hanging out with your people. Ours started arriving the Thursday before the wedding, and I’m glad that we took time to see everyone who had traveled so far to celebrate with us.

      • idkmybffjill

        Stop I love it! Not to be weird but if you want to crash at RevBrew…. go for it :).

        Ours are arriving that Thursday too! I’m really excited to see everyone and thankful that hopefully after this weekend our to-do list will pretty much totally be executed. Hooray!!

        • Lisa

          Ummm, I am totally considering it. We’ll have to see if our opera plans pull through! I’m hoping we’ll be grabbing dinner at the restaurant where we got married beforehand. :)

          • idkmybffjill

            Oooh opera!! Lyric? And what a sweet thing! It’s one of my favorite parts of getting married at a restaurant, I love the idea that we’ll be able to go visit after the wedding.

          • Lisa

            Yep! They’re doing Lucia on Saturday night.

            What time is your reception? I’m curious if we can make a swingby happen. (Also this seems like a good place to bury the discussion since it’s died down!)

          • idkmybffjill

            Gorg! We’re doing it all in one place – Cocktail hour starts at like 6:45, dancing around 9! <3

          • Lisa

            Awesome! We’re still trying to figure out our schedule/if we’re going (Priceline hotels have gotten markedly more expensive in the past couple of years…), but I’ll keep this thread bookmarked and let you know closer to the day if we’ll be swinging by or not. :)

          • Lisa

            I’ll let you know if this changes, but as of right now, it’s looking like we won’t be coming up. The World Series has driven hotel prices so high that we can’t find anything on Priceline for under $300/night. :((((

          • idkmybffjill

            Oh god I should’ve warned you!! The World Series AND some random optometry convention. We couldn’t even do room blocks when we tried 15 months ago… CRAY.

            Sorry we’ll miss you but enjoy your anniversary weekend!

          • Lisa

            Thanks! We got married over the Marathon weekend so I completely understand the room block thing. My ILs picked out a hotel in Lincoln Park and told their families that they’d be staying there. My parents booked the last four rooms in the hotel and had my friends pay them back for the one room they used. (Their AirBnB cancelled on them two weeks before the wedding because they realized they could make more money renting for the whole weekend instead of one night. Total assholes!)

            Anyway, I’m sorry we’ll be missing you, but I hope you have a spectacular wedding, full of Chicago charm!

      • Eenie

        True story: we invited a random couple off the street into our reception because they were celebrating their first anniversary! We have a picture with them too.

        • Olive

          love.

    • JLily

      Definitely just forget anything that you can’t easily do/isn’t yet done, as the others said! Stuff will come up last minute so you want to leave time for that. And when they do, remember it is not too late to ask for help!

      Also, if you want to make sure people execute your plans they way you have them in your PDFs and google drive, do a follow-up call or meet with them to go over them. I did not leave time for that, and I overwhelmed my helpers. Everything turned out ok, of course, but there were some things that I THOUGHT I had made clear on paper, but which needed some explanation for the people reading the papers. I know that adds to your plate, but just a suggestion, if you have time to spare!

      Along the same lines, have a shotlist for the photographer if there are photos that you know you want. I do not think we got any photos of all the bridesmaids together (although we will have action shots), which I am sad about. So maybe just try to note down things that are important for you, even if you think they are standard things.

      • idkmybffjill

        Ooh great tips, thank you!

        We’ve met with people but I have staggered emails in my drafts scheduled to go out to remind about specifics. We do have a meeting with our venue team the day before, and are really lucky that pretty much everything is happening with them, so hopefully that’s done. I’ll be sure to hold some schedule blocks in case last minute meetings come up… and if we don’t need them I’ll take a nap!

        Shot list for the win! We met with our photog 2 weeks ago and had that on hand and it really helped facilitate the conversation.

    • Gaby

      This reminds me to put out a google maps screenshot/ info for parking in our narrow street/neighborhood. Good luck with the zen, wedding twin!

      • idkmybffjill

        Werrrrrrk. Back at you!!!! I love this community – it makes me feel so warm to know internet friends are also getting married when we do!

        • Gaby

          Yes, solidarity! I’m swooning over the possibility of another APWer attending yours.

          • idkmybffjill

            I had like 3 minutes of “was that the weirdest thing I’ve ever said”? Pahahhaha

    • Olive

      I kind of regret not wearing something prettier for getting ready and hair/makeup pics. It was one of those things I said fuck it to and kind of wish I had just taken 20 minutes to go to TJ Maxx and buy a prettier button down shirt. I’ve been contemplating trying my photoshop skills on those pics…

      • idkmybffjill

        Smart smart lady. Would it be weird to wear some of the (chaste) white pajama’s I got as a shower gift? I think the head hole is large enough that I won’t mess up my hair and stuff taking the top off.

        • Olive

          nah! I mean, maybe send a pic of them to a few people and double check. But you’re a grown lady and if it’s cool with you they should be fine.

    • gonzalesbeach

      no advice (way behind ya in timelines), but just congrats on all the set logistics so far!

      • idkmybffjill

        Thank you! We have a pretty easy wedding, tbh. Shockingly nothing changed from the first draft that I put together in… June? I’m sure shuffling may happen on the day but it feels good to be able to visualize it all coming together! (I plan events for work so walking through the day in my head is…. par for the course, only this time I won’t be running things behind the scenes so the visualization helps me feel like it’s all under control).

        I hope the rest of your engagement goes wonderfully!

    • Emily C

      Wow! We are 1 week out as of tomorrow and I am not that together yet! But I don’t feel super stressed, just excited! I plan to finish up our favors this weekend while watching trash TV and packing up all the decor stuff/making a list of where it’s to be set up for our DOC. Bless her and her assistant, because even though we don’t have “decor” per say, it still feels like a lot of stuff to pack up. No advice, just congrats!!

      • idkmybffjill

        Same to you!!!

        Honestly we’re only this together cause we don’t have a DOC, so I want it done early so I’ll stop thinking about it! Ha.

  • ebtree1151

    We picked our reception venue!

    When trying to find places, we really wanted a place with good food/beer that was not too expensive, and was at least kinda fun/felt like us. Lots of googling later, and we found two places that were good on price, but not really what we were looking for (blah location, or really blah food). Not really liking either option, we decided on a whim to check out our favorite restaurant/jazz club, and our favorite brewery. Neither advertise weddings, but it turns out that they both do weddings quite frequently! Both have amazing spaces, heated patio vs old warehouse chic.

    We ultimately went with the jazz club because a) we like the food better b) they let us bring food from outside (yay cookie table!) and, c) they offer a luncheon option. The luncheon is great not just because same food less cost, but the majority of both of our families live 2.5 hours away. Letting them have the option saving on a hotel stay (if they so choose)

    Even better, we are going with the brewery for our rehearsal dinner!

    • Totch

      I love that you get to use your second choice venue for your rehearsal! Such a good idea.

    • Every wedding venue in Pittsburgh lets you bring in cookies ;)

      • ebtree1151

        Yessssssssss! We both are from Pittsburgh, actually! We were thinking of just having it there, but long distance wedding planning seemed like it would be too stressful.

        • TBH, that’s what we’re doing (from CA) and it wasn’t too bad. Did a couple venue visits over winter break, contacted vendors over the phone and met with them during a May trip. ‘Mailing most wedding-related items to the folks in PGH. It severely limits how much you can DIY, but I think that’s almost a good thing?!

          I don’t think the distance has actually caused any problems, except for a bit of time pressure when we needed to find a venue. But Pittsburgh is so affordable, it wasn’t difficult.

  • gonzalesbeach

    Homa Hoodfar is back home in Canada! {She was jailed in Iran for ‘dabbling in feminism’. She is a Canadian-Iranian anthropologist and studies Muslim women in various places – eg. Women in sports in Muslim contexts.}
    Other news, my boss returned from 3 months leave and her boss said they were super impressed with my coverage during that time, and have recognized me with extra vaca days. Also, partner rebuilt the front porch last weekend (no more rotten wood!), we’re initiating wedding planning, bought a new-to-us vehicle (in cash!), and I’m staying (mostly) chill about not being pregnant yet. happy Friday all

    • Eileen

      Props on all those things but I feel like it’s worth saying, staying chill about not being pregnant yet is HARD. So don’t feel alone on that one.

      • raccooncity

        fact.

      • gonzalesbeach

        yeah hard is the word. thanks.

      • emmers

        Yep, solidarity. For me it’s ups and downs. Sometimes I’m chill, sometimes I’m decidedly un-chill.

        • anon for this

          We are just beginning this journey. Actually, we’re planning to stop birth control in a few months, but then I was having stomach issues this week and the nurse on call asked if I could be pregnant since it sounded like early pregnancy. Cue me hastily taking a pregnancy test even though I have an IUD and feeling totally freaked out. Then it was negative and my husband and I were both surprised to realize we were actually excited when we thought it was a pregnancy even though we hadn’t stopped using birth control or anything. So that’s just a tiny glimpse into what a roller coaster I can imagine we will be in for.

          • emmers

            We tried for a few months, I got pregnant (was initially freaked out & then excited) and then miscarried, recovered, and am trying again. This second time I’m a little more chill, but did have some tears the other night wondering if it would ever happen. So- ups and downs! One thing I do like is that so many other people can relate.

          • Danielle

            Hugs <3

        • gonzalesbeach

          I am all over the place emotionally. period usually results in crying. and being frustrating. and wine. agreed- nice to know there’s others out there feeling similar

      • reller

        YES…. we *just* transitioned to TTC mode & I am so perplexed about how people manage to be chill. Still wrapping my head around the vitamins and diet changes and trying not to be crazy.

    • PAJane aka Awesome Tits

      “Dabbling in Feminism” is a pretty badass rap sheet to have.

  • cam

    A quick thanks and much gratitude to those who offered advice last week about the situation with my friend who is going through a divorce at the same time as my engagement. We had a super productive conversation last weekend – and, lo and behold, she was actually concerned that I was going to leave her out because of her current life circumstances. The whole thing led to a really great chat about marriage, relationships and the engagement period. I’m still unsure how detailed we’ll get in our wedding chats, but that conversation was so much more valuable to me than discussing flowers and place settings. So, thanks for the wisdom!

    • Olive

      so so wonderful to hear!

    • Totch

      Glad you two were honest with each other! Sounds like this will keep you close, and I know you were worried about it pushing you apart.

  • Maggie Dragon

    Last happy hour (more or less) before the wedding! We’re getting married next Saturday, but I somehow doubt I’ll have time to drop by the day before. This….has been exhausting, not going to lie and it sometimes feels like nothing can ever go right or easily. Both my mother and my temporary housemate have started telling me that at the very least, we’re using up all our bad luck before the wedding. Our flower girl wasn’t able to attend due to her parents’ medical issues eating up their vacation time. We’re down a groomsman because his father is having major surgery that weekend. The groom’s father has a torn rotator cuff and is having surgery two days after the wedding. My father has a frozen shoulder and only barely managed to schedule a cortisone shot so he could dance at the wedding. We’ve had to have two different gifts re-engraved (…one of which hasn’t arrived yet…) and my bank accidentally debited $2300 out of my account that it shouldn’t have. I can’t even get mad at this stuff any more; it’s just so ludicrous.

    But, on the upshot, in eight days I’ll be married to an awesome dude! (And if it turns that I haven’t exhausted my bad luck yet, well, at least we scheduled to flee the country afterwards!)

    • Olive

      oh goodness. I hope everything goes smoothly! congratulations!

    • idkmybffjill

      “we’re using up all our bad luck before the wedding” – Love this! Bad dress rehearsal = Great opening night.

      All the good vibes! It certainly sounds like you’ve been put through it. Best wishes!

    • gonzalesbeach

      Oof that’s a lot to address! here’s to smooth sailing the rest of the way!

    • Emily C

      Congratulations fellow October 8th bride!! :) Here’s to the two of you having exhausted your bad luck already and having a wonderful wedding/honeymoon!

  • flashphase

    One more thing- wedding bands. I’m so nervous about picking out something I’ll wear For The Rest of My Life. Any advice? Did anyone design their own?

    • Eh

      My husband and I went with plain bands. They “match” but that wasn’t a big deal for us. I like that they are plain because they are simple and won’t go out of style. My mom had a very 1970’s set. I love it too (when she passed away I got one ring and my sister got the other) but it’s not what I would want for myself.

      • flashphase

        So I have some loose diamonds from a ring of my grandma’s, and I’m thinking about having them redone into my wedding band… I love the idea but I also worry I’m putting pressure on myself to have it be perfect bc OMG Grandma’s Diamonds

    • Ashlah

      I went basic (thin, plain rose gold band) both for cost and because it seemed like something that I wouldn’t change my mind about even as my tastes change over the years. Once in a while, though, I consider the idea of having it melted down into something different on a significant anniversary far in the future.

    • Eenie

      I got the strand band from Gemvara and LOVE it. But I wear my $12 QALO silicone band more often than not. But we’re not “wear rings all the time” kind of people. My friends freaked out thinking we were fighting when one of us wasn’t wearing our rings, but really it’s just we were working out/washing dishes/not allowed to at work and just forgot to put it back on.

      • flashphase

        so FH doesn’t really want to wear a ring, but I want him to. He hates the idea of metal so we’re thinking wood is a good idea. We’ve tentatively agreed that he’ll wear it for the first year and then we’ll revisit. I’ll check out silicone though!

        • Eenie

          Have you looked at the silicone ones? My husband loves his. He isn’t worried about losing it and it’s super comfy. He can’t wear it on the shop floor at work so he sticks it in his pocket. I wanted him to wear one, but with his work situation I understood his stance. He wears his metal one when we go on fancy date nights and it makes it seem extra special! Just my two thoughts, I know wood ones are not the most durable from what I’ve heard, but I love the idea!

          • idkmybffjill

            Woops, didn’t see this before I commented! Sorry!

        • emmers

          My husband *hates* wearing a ring. He wears his outside of the house only, and immediately takes it off at home, which I’m fine with.

        • CharlotteJ

          Has anyone considered tattoo rings? This was a suggestion my boyfriend brought up, because he doesn’t like the idea of rings, he’s worried it will feel uncomfortable to wear one, but he likes the symbol of them.

          • flashphase

            We talked about it, but neither of us really like the way they look. We are definitely open to alternative ways of showing that we’re/he’s married, but the only things we’ve been able to come up with are rings, tattoos, and his friend’s suggestion that he wear a hat that says MARRIED all the time :)

          • idkmybffjill

            Have you seen those silicone rings? They weren’t particularly our style (we’re not that outdoorsy) but some friends of mine have them and they’re awesome!

          • Eenie

            I have a $5 off invite for QALO if anyone wants it, but I have to email it to you!

          • CharlotteJ

            HA! Love it. Getting that MARRIED hat ;-)

          • Liv

            Friends of ours who rock climb a lot did matching tattoos on their hands (not tattooed on wedding bands though), and it suits them really well. I personally prefer to wear my ring on a short necklace when climbing or doing other activities that preclude wearing rings on your hands.

          • Eenie

            We did and decided we did not really like the look. I’ve seen some people get an infinity sign on the inside of their ring finger and that looked pretty good.

          • flashphase

            Honestly, I used to like ring finger tattoos more… but Bristol Palin got one and that made me think twice about it! Though my dear friends have matching ones that are just perfect for them so, it just depends.

      • Lisa

        Not the point of this conversation, but I just got a QALO band for my birthday! We love hiking and other outdoors activities so I’ve been wanting a ring I can wear for that that isn’t family heirloom-level important. Bonus feature is that the robin’s egg blue color my husband picked out for me is also glow-in-the-dark! (This was super fun in the pitch black tent on Saturday evening.)

    • emmers

      I went with a thin gold one, but with kind of a rope pattern for some interest. It was maybe $250? I like it! I wear it with an engagement ring, but it’s also great when I want to wear it alone, like if I’m going out of town and don’t want to deal with the other ring. http://goldandgems.com/lr4582k4jjj-14k-rose-gold-stackable-ring-from-gabriel-and-co/

    • Alyssa Andrews

      My fiance and I are picking each other’s out to surprise each other, but I’m worried about the same thing — so I announced “Pick something classic please!” after we decided. My parents always had plain thin gold rings (which they bought because they were broke), but I always loved them. Plain? Sure, but they won’t go out of style.

    • flashphase

      I should add – I don’t wear an engagement ring, so I’m thinking about something fancier (and using some diamonds from my grandma). But it sounds like having a plain band is a good option to have in addition!

    • Not Sarah

      I’d spent time thinking about this over the last couple years or so and I decided I wanted a thin white gold band. I ended up with a 2mm one and it’s perfect! My husband, who had been saying for ages now that he would never wear an engagement or wedding ring but was willing to exchange them at the ceremony, got a 6mm white gold band and actually wears it and he loves it! He agreed to try wearing it because it is important to me and now he seems to quite enjoy it.

    • We designed my engagement ring and band, it was great! I love having something unique. The band has a half ring of micro-pave diamonds (engagement is a Marquise cut sapphire), super simple but still a bit fancy.

    • Rebekah

      If the stressful part is the idea that it’s going to be so permanent, I’d invite you to revisit Meg’s story about how her engagement ring was stolen and how she chose a replacement. I know it’s different, but maybe it’ll help you process some of the emotions and fears. While I love and adore my very simple gold wedding band (with inner fingerprint – thanks Brent and Jess!), if it got lost or stolen or mangled and I had to get a new one, that would be ok. Good luck to you!

    • Fiance made his own Bentwood ring, because he didn’t like any of the options, already had a gold engagement band, and men’s rings can be stupid expensive. The ring came out super lovely.

      There’s also metwalworking workshops in some cities that allow you two to forge your own rings, which is a cool idea.

      I went with a teensy tinsy eye-and-bead almost eternity band from Rosado’s Box on etsy. I would’ve maybe preferred a slightly wider ring, but it is very lovely in its tininess.

    • heyqueen

      I didn’t design mine, but I’m thinking of getting two since I can’t decide between a thin plain one or a thin one with micropave. I like the idea of having both for different occasions. Also, your band doesn’t necessarily have to be something you wear for the rest of your life. You could swap bands out if your taste changes. I think looking at it that way makes the decision less stressful.

      • flashphase

        I am now leaning towards getting a simple gold band and the special ring with my grandma’s diamonds. Takes a lot of the pressure off!

    • EF

      the ‘rest of my life’ thing scared — and continues to scare — the hell out of me.

      but caveating in i never really considered marriage until it was, uh, close to happening, and had no idea what to even look at for rings…

      try a lot on. i went to an independent jewellers that did both new and antique rings, and all i knew was that i prefer white gold over yellow and am allergic to silver/most other metals. i probably tried over 50 rings before i got some idea of what i *didn’t* like, and then i just dropped by every few weeks to see the new antique rings they got in. when i found an octogonal, art deco, swedish origin, white gold ring, it seemed right. i had to get it carefully re-sized, and not many people actually recognise it as a wedding ring as it’s quirky, but i like it.

      my partner did the same thing as me, trying on lots of different ones, except he’d always wanted to wear a wedding ring. he eventually designed one with a tree ring pattern on it, which is sort of designed to wear and age over time — just like trees, but still staying strong. he works in botany so it made a ton of sense.

      i would say he has a sense of permanence with his ring i don’t have with mine, but that is very likely simply because permanence scares me. but i can look at at and be like, ‘yep this is definitely good for the next 5 years.’

      so there ya go, some different view points!

  • raccooncity

    It’s on hiatus, but I have been really enjoying the West Wing Weekly podcast. I’m a huge lover of the show, warts and all, and it’s fun to get some background info and some updated political knowledge. I started listening late and just recently finished their coverage of season one alongside my annual re-watch of some/all of the episodes. *nerding out to the max*

    In other update: Kit is still head-up and has about a month left before we get pissed about that. I have inner ear problems so I joke that he/she has already inherited them and can’t tell which way is up. We bought our baby splurge – the stroller (we’ve bought most stuff used or been gifted hand me downs). So now we feel like we’re really in it.

    • Eenie

      WATCHING THE WEST WING RIGHT NOW!

      • raccooncity

        Like right this second?!?! Because if so, SAAAAAAME

        • Eenie

          Yes, while simultaneously HH-ing and cleaning and mopping the entire house…

          • raccooncity

            Also: RE: cat adoption, we re-named ours Claudia Jean Cregg when we adopted her. AKA CJ.

          • Eenie

            AWWWWW! We have yet to actually name any of our cats ourselves, but they all came with old man names and I love it :) None of them share our last name either, and I’m really upset that the vet refuses to use their real last names.

    • gonzalesbeach

      what kind of stroller did you go for? just compiling lists of ideas over here :P

      • raccooncity

        We got an Uppababy Vista. I wasn’t crazy about how the bassinet comes with it because we live in the smallest apartment ever and having two pieces of seat PLUS a carseat overwhelmed my tiny apartment sensibilities, but we’re moving someday and want to have 2 or 3 kids, so it seemed like a decent idea. Plus it turns out the bassinet folds down pretty flat.

        Honestly, since we bought it I have come to the conclusion that all strollers are basically the same and the only difference is how many kids they can hold vs. how big they are.

        • Eenie

          NO! Some are a pain in the ass to fold down and fit in the car. I had to deal with a friend’s stroller this weekend and gave up after 20 minutes.

          • raccooncity

            Honestly, every stroller I came across while shopping folded down like a dream. But maybe that’s because I live in a city and shops tend to stock things that can get small easily.

        • gonzalesbeach

          thanks! yeah have no clue where we’ll fit baby stuff in our small home with very little storage. so solidarity.

          • raccooncity

            Just realize that most of it is bullshit. Also I found that it helped a lot to shop at a smaller urban store that “got it” in terms of how much space we had. Babies R’ Us was not equipped with people who understood why I wouldn’t want anything that only was used for the 0-3 month period or why I didn’t want to register for things ‘just because you can!!!’

          • gonzalesbeach

            yeah seems like there’s totally a Baby Industry Complex ! does baby really need a adidas tracksuit and tiny cleats? I say no, soccer-loving partner might on the other hand say that we can’t start training too early

          • Lisa

            I read the Frugalwoods blog on a regular basis, and she has a great post about rallying against the Baby Industrial Complex. I hope to be as vigilant about the accumulation of stuff some day.

        • TeaforTwo

          We have the Vista, and the bassinet is great! I felt better about leaving him to nap in it than in a carseat snapped into a stroller, and it was great for a few overnight trips in the first few months.

          • gonzalesbeach

            I like the bassinet idea! thanks

      • We got a Baby Jogger City Mini GT, and considered the Uppababy Vista. We went for the GT because I’m short and loved the adjustable handle. You may not need that. ;)

        • gonzalesbeach

          I’m shorter side and partner is tall so that’s good to know!

        • ML

          Same! This is essential for parents of very different heights. I also like the front locking wheel for rocky paths and “off-roading”. So easy to fold too.

      • JSK

        We got the Baby Jogger City Select. It’s massive and sort of hard for me to maneuver into my trunk, but it’s awesome for around town walks. We got it because it can fit two seats if needed (still debating the 2nd kid).

        We also have a lightweight one (chicco Liteway or something) that I will use more often now that baby is older.

        • gonzalesbeach

          thanks – on the list to check out!

      • emilyg25

        We got the Britax B-Agile, which is a hell of a lot like the Baby Jogger City Mini but the Britax seat snaps right in with no need for an adapter. I love it! But honestly, we use a baby carrier way, way more than a stroller. (Tula 4 lyfe!)

    • JSK

      The stroller purchase made pregnancy SO REALHOLYSHIT for me. Mostly because it’s giant and we couldn’t hide it anywhere.

      Are your doctors leaning one way or another on baby-rotation and/or pushing for a c-sec? My kid was head down the whole time and I still ended up needing an emergency C due to his large noggin which I wasn’t super prepared for, making recovery tougher mentally.

      Best of luck with your last weeks and sending you baby-flipping vibes!

      • raccooncity

        First of all – they ARE huge. I was blown away seeing how big the stroller was inside my little apartment.

        I have a midwife, a backup midwife and a student midwife all working with me, and they have varying levels of radical-ness about this. However, I didn’t go with midwifery care because I’m against medical intervention in any way shape or form – I’m very much for it in some cases and breech babies are one of them. So regardless of the midwives’ confidence about whether I could have a breech delivery or not (which again, varies between them), I’m not going to be doing it. That said, I’m still in a place where it is likely to work out OK and I’ve been doing all the spinningbabies.com exercises and looking bananas while I do it. Because surgery isn’t ideal, obviously.

        • JSK

          Plenty of time to flip! It sounds like you have a great attitude and I hope everything works out swimmingly for you both!

        • i did spinningbabies and mine flipped. i did a lot of their other exercises too and ended up with a very easy birth. so good luck to you!

      • StevenPortland

        Install the infant seat in the car is what made it REAL for me. It was strange to drive around with that empty seat for a few days.

        • raccooncity

          I keep feeling weird/excited about that as well, like that’s the moment when the world will look at my car and be like “oh, they have kids”.

    • JC

      Love the WWW! I love Josh and Hrishi, and I love that Hrishi always brings a 21st century analysis of things like race and gender to that show. I recently said bye-bye to a podcast that, when criticized for being too white, gave a big shrug emoji, so I’m thrilled to be finding podcasts with great subject matter and more inclusive voices.

      (Also both hosts are great on Twitter, and Hrishi gave a big ol’ “Fuck you” to a troll the other day. It was delicious.)

      • raccooncity

        YES – a huge part of my enjoyment is Hrishi calling out the cringe-moments. So validating. I actually get annoyed sometimes with how much of a Sorkin fanboy Josh is when it comes to acknowledging how Sorkin treats race and gender, but Hrishi is the best at gently but firmly making a point about it.

        Also: WWW made me start watching Scandal so…well played, Josh.

        • JC

          There is so much fawning over Sorkin; I agree it gets annoying, especially when it’s not a specific moment that I can appreciate.

          I devoured Scandal a couple of years ago and then had to take a break because it got too…much. But now I’m reading Shonda Rhimes’ memoir and I’m feeling all the feels for Scandal again!

    • We’ve got ~12 weeks til my due date, and my MIL bought us our stroller as a combined baby/birthday present (not complaining, because it allowed us to splurge too). We picked it up over Labor Day weekend when we saw her, and I had that holy sh!t moment as well. It no longer feels like I’m gestating an alien, but preparing for an actual child. O.o

      ETA: Mine is also heads up, and I’m totally chill about it…for now…but my family doc practice doesn’t do surgery, so they’d have to refer me out if I need a c section, which I’m hoping to avoid but at least this way I’m a bit mentally prepared so that it wouldn’t be such a shock if I needed one? I guess.

    • PAJane aka Awesome Tits

      Ohhh, I keep saying I’m going to watch WW, but whenever I think of it, I’ve just started something new. Lately I’m watching Masters of Sex, and PADude and I are watching The Shield together.

    • Cellistec

      I’ve been thinking about WW this week with the new law to let 9/11 victims’ families sue foreign governments. I keep thinking “Didn’t these legislators watch that WW episode where Leo had to stop supporting such a bill because it could leave him open to accusations of war crimes?” Come on, people, learn from TV mistakes.

  • Lmba

    You guys! I am launching an itty bitty business! The Facebook page just went live yesterday and I will be putting out local ads next week. Nervous!

    • Olive

      good luck!

  • Maggie Dragon

    Upon seeing the dog thread, I feel like there has to be some latent cat love out there. So here’s our furbaby Chiro deciding she needed to “help” us pack up the presents for the wedding party. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7abdbfb0a53077defa8e6b005ac9212f376f25c453388663dcef918651513eba.jpg

  • Liv

    We got married on Sept 17th and it was great fun and our friends and family were absolutely incredible helping out, but did anyone else have a “yeah it was really nice and a lot of fun, but why aren’t I ridiculously, aggressively happy and weepily touched like everyone else seems to be at their wedding” feeling? I cried more at our rehearsal ceremony the day before than at our actual ceremony!

    Also, I made my dress and am pretty happy with how it came out, but damn I would NEVER do that if I had to do it all over again, it was so incredibly stressful! Granted a big part of this is due to the fact that I didn’t start making it as early as I should have, which means I ended up finishing it the Thursday before the wedding. Do not recommend! Seriously, if you are a master procrastinator like me, do not make your own dress. I honestly lost about 10 lbs in the two weeks leading up to the wedding. In hindsight, I think I would have had a better time of it if i just bought a used dress.

    • Ashlah

      I adored our wedding day. Like, I am honestly one of those people who says it was one of the best days of my life so far, but I didn’t really cry either. I didn’t cry at all during our ceremony (even though I cried while practicing my vows in the days before!), I did cry during my dance with my father, but that was it. Other than that? It was just a super fun day surrounded by people who love us, and that’s pretty great, even if it didn’t make me react emotionally in the way I expected.

      • Ashlah

        Oh, and congratulations! :D

        • Liv

          Thanks! It was a really nice time, and we did feel so loved, especially by all the family and friends who went about and beyond to help us out. My maid of honor was AMAZING. I can’t believe how many people we have in our lives who love us!

    • Olive

      mad props for making your dress!

      Congrats on the wedding! I was touched at our wedding and felt so loved by our friends and family who traveled for it (it was halfway between where we live and where I grew up. But I was not very weepy and by the end was mostly glad it was over.

      It was a great day, but I was dehydrated/had a headache despite drinking water literally all day, and didn’t even have a beer or wine beyond the toast (only a little disappointed). It was a lot of fun, but exhausting and I was disappointed that I didn’t feel better that day.

      • Mari

        Same thing happened to me. I started getting a headache around 5pm,, and it didn’t go away until I got some sleep that night. I managed to have one cocktail before it started, had a few sips of champagne during toasts, but couldn’t manage anything else for the rest of the evening. I also was just generally tired for the last several hours of the reception, and wasn’t able to participating in the ranging dance floor situation. While it was a wonderful day, I’m still processing how disappointed I am with how I physically felt that evening.

        • Olive

          I think I’m still processing too. It helps me to think of it as a party we threw for our friends and family (because that’s really what the reception was). We heard nothing but great things from our guests about the venue, staff, and other little details, and that makes me gleam with happiness. I didn’t have the best time? Meh, I was hosting and our guests enjoyed themselves. Job well done.

          That being said, I am ecstatic for our friends’ weddings coming up this fall and spring, where we get to enjoy ourselves and stress a little less! :)

          • Mari

            Yes, that is a great way to look at it. I think this lens will help me shift my thinking to a more positive, long-term reflection of the entire day. Thank you :)

    • idkmybffjill

      Not married yet, but I just wanted to say – hearing different narratives about how others experienced their weddings is really helpful! Thank you for sharing!

      Re: The rehearsal ceremony, sometimes I think it’s easier to think ONLY about emotions of things when it’s rehearsals instead of the rush of Wedding Happening Now. Just less things running through your head!

      • Liv

        Thanks! I feel like even on here with all the different types of wedding there always tends to be that “oh we threw the wedding together in 23 minutes on a $42 budget for 100 guests, and also there was a freak thunderstorm and our officiant delivered my maid of honors triplets during our wows BUT IT ENDED UP BEING PERFECT AND SO US AND OMG I WAS SO HAPPY I BAWLED LIKE A BABY” and I just… I mean I’m happy that that happens for people, but I guess I just sort of felt left out. Anyway, it was a really nice day and I was so touched by how many friends of the family came out of the woodwork to help with absolutely everything. And I married my person, so yay!

        • idkmybffjill

          One of my best friends got married in May, and I think all of us at the rehearsal dinner were much more emotional than at the wedding. In her case the wedding day was a tad stressful, whereas the rehearsal dinner was pretty chill, the sangria was flowing, there were no logistics to be managed – so we were all really relaxed and let loose! I think the way it happened for you might actually be fairly common, fwiw. I’ll report back in a couple of weeks! I am typically a massive weeper, but I sort of wonder if I’ll be chill just because I expect to weep!

        • JLily

          LOL yeah I would not say my wedding was perfect, and even though I WAS happy, it was just a mostly weird day! Felt like a dream alright, because it felt so weird I can almost not even believe it happened!! Idk if that is a normal way to feel about your wedding either so ¯_(ツ)_/¯

    • Eenie

      I did not cry happy tears. And I feel the same way about our wedding. It was super lovely! If we reversed time I would not plan it again.

    • JLily

      Congrats! And I can’t believe you made your dress! That is so amazing! (I felt the same stress with self-catering our rehearsal and also making the invitations, so I feel you! It seems like it won’t be too bad especially if you already have the skills, but when you are also getting married? DAMN it’s a lot!)

      And I was also surprised to not have cried at my wedding. I cry at commercials, I cried when I wrote my vows, I cry ALL the time. But not at all on my wedding day!

    • EF

      yeah, i get it. i bought a base used dress and altered it (and added layers) myself, and then got really sick with the flu/bad cold a day before the wedding, and barely remember the day because i was super sick. so, like, meh?

      but but but. the pictures are cool, a lot of friends still talk about it (18 months later), and it just means out OMG THE BEST DAYS are in the future! (that’s how i think of it, anyways)

      as a side note, i *always* say my college graduation was the happiest day of my life. like we will sit around with married friends, talking about their wedding being the happiest day, and i’ll say, nah, 1 is graduation (which was a fucking big deal for me) 2 was the red sox winning the world series in 2004. luckily my partner is on board and talks about similar life milestones.

    • Arie

      This is the open thread I need!! APW, please?!

  • AshleyO

    I’ve a bit of a question to ask, and you wonderful, intelligent people seem like just the ones to ask. Hubby and I are Canadian, and we’ve definitely been following the US election campaign with a bit of wariness. It’s hard to get a real sense of things, hard to know if what we’re hearing in the news is actually representative of the situation or if we’re getting a sensationalized version. So for my question, in two parts: Part A – any sources you would recommend to actually get an accurate perspective on things? And Part B – we’ve a trip planned to visit Hubby’s grandfather in Arizona a couple of weeks after the election. Is it legitimate to feel a little concerned about that trip (we’re hearing stories about possible chaos whichever way the election goes) or is it just being made larger than life in the media? Or is it simply my anxiety talking?

    • Eenie

      I don’t have any great suggestions for you on news sources, but I don’t think you need to worry about your trip.

    • Amy March

      A- the New York Times or 538- both have fairly accurate coverage

      B- not legitimate. there will be no chaos immediately after the election either way.

    • BDubs

      Arizona isn’t much one for demonstrations, let alone violent ones. You might see a group gathered downtown outside the airport. Might. At most.

    • I wouldn’t worry about the trip. There may be some insanity on election night, but even if radical things were to happen, they wouldn’t happen until the new president takes office in January.

    • AshleyO

      Thanks for putting my mind at ease!

    • Totch

      I’m an American living in Canada. I listen to a few podcasts to get sort of a summary/digest of the week’s events in case I missed something major.

      For something totally, blatantly biased towards liberals I’d recommend Keepin it 1600. For something a bit more well-rounded, The Run Up and NPR Politics are good.

      If you want waaaay to much coverage, some MSNBC shows like Hardball and Rachel Maddow post the audio of their eps daily as podcasts. I’ve had to stop those… It’s too much.

      As for the vacation question, I wouldn’t worry too much. And particularly not in a state like Arizona which I’d generally think of as less activist.

    • CommaChick

      NPR is good. BBC is good, too. Actually, some of the international news sources tend to have less hype and therefore be more accurate.

  • travelbug

    We’re looking at a delayed honeymoon, maybe during the ever-popular travel time of the week between Christmas and New Years. I may be pregnant, or trying to be, so some of our big adventure trips are off the table. As are some of the Zika-infected areas. We live in the Cold Dark North, so that’s a bummer.

    Where should we go?

    Hawaii is an option, though I’d love international, too. All suggestions welcome!

    • Amy March

      Australia or New Zealand would be great. London, Paris, Berlin, Munich are all fantastic at the holidays, although you’ll have closures on the actual days. New Orleans is pretty. San Diego should be warm, compared to Canada.

      • EF

        i’d warn against europe that week. everything is shut the week between christmas and new years. unless you wanna go to a ski lodge…

    • idkmybffjill

      What about like… Fiji? Tahiti? Bora Bora? Other islandy non Zika spots…

    • Hawaii would be great for your warm vacation! My husband is from Germany, so I’m totally biased, but If you can swing it, I really recommend hitting up Germany before Christmas. The markets are the best (although pregnant = limited amounts of hot rum and spiced wine). I’m already sad that I won’t be there for Christmas because I’m having a baby in December. Boo! Yay! :D

      I’ve been to Germany in almost every season, and Christmas market season is one of my favorites.

      • Lisa

        We did our honeymoon in Germany over Christmas, and it was amazing. The first snow of the year happened on the day we arrived in Fuessen and went up to Neuschwanstein, and even my husband, who hates the winter, admitted that it was straight out of a magical fairy tale. Similar feelings were had at the snowy Baden-Baden market 3 days later. I would go back in a heartbeat!

    • JSK

      This may not be true for everyone but when I was pregnant air travel was a nightmare. I traveled 2-3x a month up until 33 weeks or so and while it was worst closer to the end, it was never good.

      During my 5th week, I did a 2 hour, 6 hour, and a 5 hour flight and it was TERRIBLE. I had only mild nausea most days, but on the travel days I couldn’t control food intake or options as easily which increased those symptoms. By mid-pregnancy I had fewer symptoms but still had to pee every 3 minutes and by the end I was large enough to be really uncomfortable in the airplane seats.

      My vote would be to do a shorter trip. The flight to NZ would have been hell for me. YMMV!

      Hawaii is awesome. Southern CA is great, Florida is nice and warm typically. Not warm and sunny, but 2nd all of Amy March’s Euro options. Munich Christmas markets are great!

      Enjoy!

  • E.

    Wedding dress question: I’m getting married next July and I’m planning on dress shopping in January when my sister is visiting me. But I was browsing the Celia Grace website this week and found a dress that is pretty much exactly what I was imagining, and it’s about to be discontinued! Should I order it to try on now, before I’ve tried anything else on? Or should I just let it go, because I’m sure there are tons of other beautiful dresses and I’ll probably end up with something completely different than what I’m picturing now anyway?

    • Amy March

      In my experience buying non-wedding dresses, loving something online has nothing to do with what I actually like on me. I am sure there are tons of other beautiful dresses out there. If you can return it, there’s no big downside, but I think falling in love with something online is usually a let down.

      • Eenie

        Yup I fell in love with a wedding dress online that I hated in person. But I’m glad I was able to try it on!

        • E.

          Very true! I can return it and just pay shipping, so I think I’ll do it. At very least it’ll be fun to try on my first wedding dress!

    • lamarsh

      I agree with Amy March and say if you can return it, go for it. I did basically the same thing with a dress on sale at BHLDN that I thought was THE ONE, but when I tried it on, it was…underwhelming. Since I could easily send it back, it was no big deal, but it would have been a huge hassle if I had to sell it online. And then I ended up buying a dress that was nothing like the one I had ordered or what I thought I wanted, so “yes, probably” in answer to your last question.

    • toomanybooks

      I’d say order it to try it on before it’s discontinued if you’re really into it. I looked for a long time and never found the perfect dress. There are lots of beautiful dresses but not necessarily lots that are just what you want.

    • Lisa

      Agreeing with everyone else here. I fell in love with a Hayley Paige gown, and my mother made me go try it on before she started sewing my dress. I’m so glad I tried it on because, since it didn’t work for me (it was gorgeous but felt like a fancy, white concert gown, which turned out not to be my wedding style), I was able to get it out of my head and focus on the gorgeous gown we were creating together. Since you can return it, best to order and try it now so that you’ll have it if you love it or that you’ll have it out of your head if you don’t.

  • Katherine

    Less than a month out – it’s getting real! I’m almost finished painting our guestbook and program, our rings have been properly sized, and we booked our rental car for the honeymoon yesterday. We’re both freaking out a little. And the rehearsal dinner, which has been more stressful to plan than the actual wedding (largely because it involved a lot of interaction with my future MIL) is finally set.

    On a different note, is anyone else ready for 2016 to just be over? On the macro level, I’ve had a lot of wonderful things happen (passing the bar! getting married!), but between the large amount of day-to-day stress we’ve both been dealing with and all of the horrible deaths and world events that have happened/are happening, I’m really ready for a clean start.

    • Arie

      The best description I’ve heard was when someone suggested that Tarantino was directing 2016.

  • lady brett

    hey, i have a wedding question! my big bro is getting married in 3 weeks (which is exciting). they’ve registered for a tent, which i think we’re going to get them. but i was thinking i’d like to get an “add-on” gift to personalize it a bit. i am leaning toward bourbon and a card/board game (two things my bro and i have in common and are good on a camping trip). so, the question: what game? i really don’t know his fiancee at all, but she is not nearly the nerd we are. any good 2 person travel size games that non-geeks would like? or other ideas entirely?

    • Amy March

      Customized playing cards with their engagement photo/photo of their invite/similar:

      http://www.zazzle.com/playingcards

      • idkmybffjill

        My jaw just literally dropped.

      • Totch

        Have made these (not from zazzle specifically), they were a hit!

      • That’s a fun idea. Could also be as simple as the wedding date and the background in a wedding color (if they have one).

    • JC

      Ticket to Ride is our favorite board game that is made for many players but perfectly accommodates 2. It’s not exactly travel size, though…

      • You have to admit, it has a beautiful box design though!

    • Totch

      Look at Z-Man games for some great smaller games that play 2 people well. They’re mainly card-based games, which we find easier to travel/camp with because you’re not worried about losing meeples. I love Parade, Archeology, and Arboretum from Z-Man. Sushi Go plays well both 2-player and with larger groups, and the same game designer has a game called Elevensies about preparing afternoon tea that’s solid.

      For games that don’t travel well but are great 2-player, my current favorites are Race for the Galaxy, At the Gates of Loyang, and Castles of Burgundy.

      Also, my all time favorite 2-player is a game about quilting called Patchwork.

      Oh! And if youve ever played the game Love Letter: there’s a wedding version that you can order online if you send the manufacturer a copy of the wedding invite.

      ETA: I can’t believe I forgot Morels! A 2 player game about mushroom foraging. Fairly small box, would travel ok.

      • E.

        wait. there’s a wedding version of love letter?? I need to do this for my fiance.

        we both love board games and are even going to have some games out at our wedding for guests to play!

        • Totch

          Yeah, that’s why they made it! Because so many people use it at their wedding. Our rehearsal dinner is more of an open house/board game night, so we’re ordering some as soon as our wedding invites are ready.

          • E.

            That’s awesome! Any suggestions for games that are easy to pick up for people who might be less familiar with board games?

          • Totch

            Parade is the closest to a traditional card game, it doesn’t have a ton of mechanics but it’s lovely to play. Good with 2 players and scales up well. Half an hour to an hour.

            Escape! is a 10-minute-long board game where everyone is frantically rolling dice to get their player out of a collapsing ancient temple within the time limit. It’s collaborative, so unless you all make it out, you all lose. It’s manic and engaging and great.

            Ticket to Ride and Carcassonne are both classics from the Settlers of Catan era, but I think both are much easier to learn than Settlers. There’s also a version called Adults of Carcassonne that’s a drinking game, in case you’re interested in getting trashed. They take closer to an hour. If you go with Ticket to Ride, I’d recommend USA as the simplest map (each map has a different personality, many have extra mechanics). These would be longer, like an hour or more for new players?

            Camel Cup (or Camel Up) is a game about racing camels that’s easy enough that we love playing with kids, but that we enjoy enough to play with adult friends too. 30 min or so.

            Sushi Go, Sushi Go Party, and Skulls are our favorite short games for large groups (30 min or less). Skulls is a bit of a deception/bluffing game and soooooo easy to teach and play.

            There are a whole bunch of games based on deception, like Sabotage and Bang! and Avalon. My favorite of these is Coup, but I think Werewolf is probably the simplest in the group.

            Code Names is maybe my top recommendation: it’s a team game, and word based so it’s got the vibe of charades or a similar party game, but much more clever.

          • E.

            So many great ideas! Code Names is one of our favorites for new groups as well. So easy to pick up. I actually played with the bridesmaids and my future MIL at my future SIL’s wedding while we were getting ready in the morning!

          • Totch

            That sounds like so much fun!

            Someone below recommended Hanabi, and that’s another great, quick one that is easy to explain and fun in a social setting.

          • E.

            Haha that was me! Unless someone else did too. I love that game! I think cooperative games are super fun because you have to do so much talking and strategizing. Well, not with Hanabi, but with most of them. Forbidden Desert and Pandemic are in regular rotation in home, but might be a bit complicated to just have out for guests who have never played.

          • Eenie

            WE JUST GOT THIS AS A GIFT! I’m so excited to play it. Other fun big group games are Bang! (italian) and Avalon.

      • Eenie

        Seconding love letters! So fun.

    • E.

      Hive is a quick, travel size game that my fiance and I love. It even comes with a little travel bag! Hanabi is a great cooperative card game that we usually bring when we travel, but I don’t think it would work for 2 people

      • A single Sarah

        Hanibi with two people leads to fighting. Or maybe that’s just me and my sister….

        But is a great game while camping.

    • Nicole

      We like lost cities – the card game version!

      • Totch

        Love lost cities! We play it on board game arena all the time.

    • Eenie

      Exploding kittens (NSFW or SFW version) is fun. Some strategy, but mostly luck. Kids have liked playing it too.

    • We really like Fluxx, it’s not the best as a 2 person game, but it’s fun because things change all the time!

    • Alexandra

      We’re into Qwerkle right now. Small, fun, doesn’t take too much brain energy or time.

  • Lmba

    AshleyO, rather than hijack your question, I decided to post my own! I’m glad I’m not the only Canadian who is feeling wary of US travel these days… My partner and I have been talking about doing a family vacay in the new year, and the USA makes the most sense for us logistically (we have 2 tiny kids, one isn’t old enough for all vaccinations, etc.). However, we are both feeling very sketched out by the instances of police violence toward (and of random people calling the authorities on) Black folks. My husband is Black and, yikes, I don’t like the sound of that one bit.

    And really, as we will be travelling with our kids, I am very keen to avoid any potential obvious racism toward our family since it would inevitably be happening in front of them. This is just not something we want to deal with while on vacation (though of course it is occasionally a part of our regular life in Canada). I’m sure there are lots of people who are able to have lovely, discrimination-free holidays in the United States! I’m just feeling very… risk-averse on this issue.

    I am also following the plans for the Economic Boycott (being led by Shaun King and others) that is launching December 5th and I really want to support that, however specific boycott targets aren’t being released yet. So… do I book something and then potentially be faced with the decision whether or not to cancel in order to support the boycott? Or wait until after Dec 5 to book? Or… just not go at all because honestly the whole thing is just pretty scary?

    Does anyone have any wise counsel on this one? FYI the destination we are most considering is New Orleans, as neither of us has ever been! :)

    • JC

      I have no advice, just here to say that I’m sorry that the current situation in my country is making it difficult for you and your loving family to plan a much earned vacation. This isn’t the kind of world I want.

      • Lmba

        JC – I’m thinking lots about you all South of us and hoping that justice wins out for everyone’s sake. <3

    • I’m an American and (recent) Canadian living in Québec. Perhaps a trip to Québec could feel like a trip to Europe, if you are hesitate to head to the US right now….?

      • Lmba

        Quebec = lovely! However, we will likely be traveling in winter/spring and I would really looooove to escape the chilly weather. (Though once the kids are a bit older, Carnival is on our bucket list!)

  • My wedding season has finally ended, and I hit 7 months pregnant this week. I’m simultaneous so glad that wedding season is over, because it’s been a stressful summer for me – and being pregnant has put me so far behind on pretty much everything – but sad, because I know this period of my life is ending. The nursery is almost ready for me to start working on (it has new electrical! and almost all the walls! and windows that open!) but I have to finish editing a few weddings first. Starting to freak out about getting everything major done before this little person arrives, and also freaking out about ALL THE STUFF we supposedly need for a kid. We live in a small (for our area, but not by say, NYC) house, and I want to keep all the stuff to a minimum.

    Any of my small space APWers have recs for things?

    • Eenie

      My brother and sister in law have two kids in a two bedroom duplex. I’ve asked before buying them stuff, and most of my gifts have been books which are easy to store. My parents have gotten the kids toys and stuff that stay at the grandparents’ house so it’s a special treat to get to visit and use.

      • I like the toys that live at grandparents’ houses! We don’t get to visit our families that often, but I’ve already been dropping hints about small spaces and less stuff (which is probably why my MIL volunteered to buy our stroller so she could get us something useful). Ours is a 3 bedroom, but since we’re renovating, that space is a workshop/storage space as we clear out other spaces to work. :(

        • Eenie

          People like to buy things for babies! So let people know what you need and don’t feel bad if you end up donating or returning stuff to the store.

    • what worked for me is having people pool together to gift big ticket items. we received a car seat, diapers, blankets, baby carrier, and too many clothes. besides the too many clothes i haven’t felt overwhelmed by stuff.

      • I love that idea! I was just at our local baby store to register, and they were talking about having a way that people could contribute to bigger ticket items like car seats and carriers.

    • rg223

      We brought our baby home to a one bedroom in NYC! I hear you on the small space.

      Hmm, we have a mini crib instead of a full sized. It’s a Dream on Me mini crib (there might be more to the name). That is definitely the best space saver. We also got a changing table that’s also a dresser – at some point we can take off the changing part. You could also skip the changing table entirely and just change the baby on the floor.

      I guess my main piece of advice is to not overbuy. I was just in Babies R Us and looking at baby “gear” and thinking, “Wow, my son is too old for most of this stuff” – and he’s a year old. I would wait to buy things like swings/rock and plays/bouncers/etc until the baby is here and you have a better sense of what baby might like. I was gifted a swing, and I used it because I had it, but my kid didn’t really like it, and we could have done without it. If you can borrow things like that to try them out with baby in advance, that would be awesome. Good luck!

      • We (luckily) have the space for a full sized crib, and ended up getting one from IKEA. We went to Babies R Us to test out strollers and I wanted a drink after being there. SO MUCH STUFF!!

        Good advice on the bouncers/swings/etc., a friend has one that kid #1 loved, and kid #2 didn’t like at all.

    • emilyg25

      You really don’t need much stuff. We didn’t even really do toys till like 4-6 months. Children are simple creatures.

  • Fiona

    I had to bring my dog back to the shelter because he ate both my hearing aids at different times, and not only are they the most expensive thing I own, but they also make it possible for me to do most human things, including earn money. I’ve been crying all week about it because he was my best buddy and I feel like I betrayed him and he has no idea why he had to go back to that sad, sad place.

    • :(

    • Eenie

      We adopted our cat who was taken back to the shelter by someone three times before finally admitting she couldn’t take care of him! It’s ok. Pets don’t always work out and you can’t always know that ahead of time.

    • AGCourtney

      I’m sorry, Fiona. That’s so hard.

    • rg223

      I’m so sorry, that just sucks.

  • Who has two thumbs and thought it would be a good idea to get married in October while simultaneously being on the academic job market?! THIS GAL RIGHT HERE.

    Oh man.

    • Eenie

      You didn’t put that on your registry? What is the point if you can’t leverage your wedding for a job offer?!

    • Arie

      who has two thumbs and decided to get married 8 days into the new fiscal year? this idiot. I got a makeup lady though, and she rules, and she has promised she can cover up the dark circles.

      • idkmybffjill

        Late to comment but OMG do I feel you. Like… How did I not realize. How.

    • Maggie Dragon

      Oh wow. Fellow academic sending you all the good karma here!

  • katiewompusing

    I’m getting married next Saturday! Also, my adorable 85 year old Great Aunt can’t make my wedding, but upon hearing we were having wedding pie and not wedding cake, she made and shipped (across the country!) this beautiful wedding cake made from towels and silk flowers. She was absolutely adamant that we needed a cake :) https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f09bbb1a01d56348edb065d1fa8c58fe5f3ed7157c150afef631facad1ca0cbf.jpg

    • Cellistec

      That’s so adorable of her! And I honestly couldn’t tell it was towels at first…your aunt has mad skillz.

    • PAJane aka Awesome Tits

      I love this to bits.

  • heyqueen

    This week in “statistically, the chances of that happening are actually very slim,” I was taking my GRE and the test was lost due to a power outage. I was 90% done with the test and there was a flicker of electricity, and we lost power. We waited 2 hours in the testing center, but the power did not come back. So now I have to retake it AGAIN. -____________-

    • Ashlah

      Nooooooooooo

    • JC

      My heart is broken for you. I want to take a nap just thinking about the GRE.

      • heyqueen

        Thanks. To be completely honest, the GRE is a lot easier compared to other entrance exams I’ve taken.

        • JC

          I also didn’t think it was that bad, once I was actually taking it. But the thought of taking it again, after the emotions of getting ready, is just a lot.

    • gonzalesbeach

      ughhh

    • AGCourtney

      Oh no!!!

  • CommaChick

    Even when I’m not working, I’m late to happy hour, and I have so much to share.

    Mainly, we got married.

    I’m amazed how much went right on our wedding day. The ceremony was lovely. We got to spend quality time with all of our guests [a benefit of a small wedding]. The reception was a lot of fun. We didn’t include dancing or games or entertainment, just food and conversation, and everyone stayed the whole time. People then came back to our place for a swim party afterparty, which was fantastic. Then, we had an awesome honeymoon. Now, we are finally settling back into our normal routine.

    • Emily C

      Hooray! That sounds lovely! We too are eschewing dancing, entertainment, and a lot of the trappings of a “traditional” wedding. I feel like our reception is basically a family + friend reunion and it helps that it’s brunch so it should be pretty casual/chill. I just want people to eat delicious food and cake and hang out!! Good luck settling in…I am looking forward to that too once all the business of wedding day and honeymoon is over!

      • CommaChick

        That sounds fantastic. Ours was a late lunch/early dinner in the party room of a restaurant, so I think that added to the relaxed feel.

    • gonzalesbeach

      congrats!

      • CommaChick

        Thanks. :)

  • Lindsey

    We did it! We got married last Sunday, every single nightmare I had came true, and it was still a gorgeous day.

    The hairdresser was a no-show, my beautiful husband spilled black coffee down the entire back of my dress, our device free ceremony was Facebooked to oblivion, and catering did not hold up any end of their bargain.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/063b6d4f0d4c8b78ba4fb458ee8776282cd539c28aeac3e7a375c6a226ec88e0.jpg But hell, I ended up married and I suppose I never have to look at my grossly stained dress again. I survived it so you can too :)

    • Amy March

      And yet your hair look particularly wonderful!

  • AGCourtney

    Well, I’m very late to HH today, so I’ll save my news for next week.

    I will say, though: thanks APW for reposting a link on Facebook to that guest post from Jennifer Dziura the other night. The original post came out right around our wedding, so I didn’t really get a chance to get into it, but I read it again on Wednesday night and ended up spending my entire shift at work on the Bullish website.

  • PrettyUglyCrier

    I’m late to the party but that means it’s wedding month already!! I’m now officially less than two weeks away from my wedding (what?!) and finally I’ve come to the point where I’m getting excited about it. The past few weeks have been ugly, Bridezilla bad even, but at long last I’m seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I’ve enjoyed most parts of our short engagement, though, and I’ve learnt a lot about myself in the process so at least I guess it hasn’t all been useless. To my fellow fall brides and grooms, we’re close!!

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