To Kate.

My soul took a beating over the last two days in the comments. So, I’m really blessed that today, I get to actually go to a wedding. Weddings are a bit rare in our world, but today I get to see my friend Kate get married. She was the captain of my bridal brigade and the first ever reader of APW. I think today is gonna be magic.

Today, I get to go and be still, and then to celebrate. Today I get to do one of the very best things in the world. For all of you wondering how your guests feel, they feel like this, “Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee!” So here is to Kate and to Kevin and to a lifetime of happiness.

I’m sure my soul will feel healed on the other side. I’ll see you then.

Photo taken by a camera on a KITE.

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  • Being still and then celebrating. I like that. That’s how I’ve felt at all the weddings I’ve been to, including my own. That pause to breathe in the wonderful miracle of two people finding each other and the miracle that is the birth of their new family, and then a party.

    Enjoy! And congratulations Kate and Kevin!

  • ddayporter

    yesssss. I have always loved being a guest at a wedding, but now that I’ve had my own it feels 10 times more exciting and magical. the first wedding we went to after our own was Zach’s best man’s wedding and I was so. freaking. happy! …might have had something to do with being the weekend before our delayed honeymoon, but–! yes. weddings are very powerful, healing events. you certainly deserve a little soul hug. and congrats to your friends/a fellow team practical couple.

  • St. Ignatius! I went to USF. :-) Congrats to Kate and Kevin, and have fun!

  • I’m truly sorry you’ve had such a rough week with comments. I didn’t read them (I usually only read comments on my own blog) but I gather some were pretty bad. Know that many of us respect other religions and appreciate and admire everything you do. Have a lovely weekend–I will pray that your soul will, indeed, be healed. :)

  • Jessie

    I am so sad for how you had to feel these last couple of days. Congratulations on standing by your beliefs at any cost. I respect you even more now. :)

  • Rachel

    Religious discussions, as I’m sure we all know, often turn painful quickly because most people have INTENSELY strong beliefs about it. The topic is fraught with peril :( Kudos to staying calm and steadfast. Not only will there always be people who disagree with you, there will also always be people who totally agree and support you. C’est la vie.

    Hope you enjoyed the wedding! :)

  • Jessica

    WTH! People need to chill out, remember EVERYONE is entitled to their opinion & if they don’t agree with yours, they can start their own blog.

    I’m sorry you have to deal with this nonsense, Meg. Thank you for your time, your energy and for this blog.

  • Katelyn

    Meg, you have so much of my respect and admiration. At 23, I have a lot of big, world-shattering thoughts floating around in my little brain and I don’t always know what to think or how to feel, *especially* when it comes to marriage. The BF and I are still playing tug of war with it, and I know I can always come to APW to remember that relationships are about love and family and negotiation and not always warm fuzzy feelings, and questioning my uber-traditional culture and making my own mixture of values is totally worth the headaches and struggles and big questions and vague answers.

    I can only hope to someday have the perserverance and gravity to level-headedly speak my mind, support it, and stand by it like you’ve always done with such forethought and grace. Thanks for being smart and witty and sassy and a true role model for modern women.

  • Kashia

    Congrats to Kate and Kevin!!!!!!!!

    Meg you are amazing, really really amazing.

    Take some well needed rest and time to be still and to celebrate in your own life as well as at your darling friend’s wedding.

  • Dear Meg –

    I’m sorry you have taken a beating in the comments, and I’m sorry that those of us (like me) who generally lurk and stay quiet haven’t been a little more vocal in mitigating those beatings.

    I, too, could use a little reminding of why we go through the wedding planning process (and I don’t mean picking out the chairs, I mean the really, really hard emotional stuff). Thankfully, I found it here this morning. Aly and Elroi and Avie are members of my own beautiful chosen family, and, well, seeing them here in this blog community just helped a little bit. Here’s hoping that we all find the renewal and the faith we need. Best wishes for your friends, and thanks for putting yourself out there for our (collective) benefit.


  • Suzanna

    I hope you felt supported as well as a little beaten, cuz I think there are more folks who are 100% behind you, and your decision to stick to your beliefs, than not. We just may not be as vocal.

    (Side note and thought: I’m wondering how many of those folks who say they don’t have a culture to pull traditions from just need to be reminded that they’re up to their eyeballs in it?)

    And yay for “Eeeeeeeeeeeee!” time! Hope you get inspired, then plastered, then dance a lot.

  • I was JUST talking yesterday with a friend about how now that I am married, I get even more excited about friends getting married. I really do have an uncontainable “EEEEEEEEeeeee!!!!!” feeling for them! :) Hope you get some rest and re-filling of joy this weekend…

  • Rachel (not the mean one who verbally assaulted you!)


    I hope that you can thoroughly enjoy your weekend and the wedding of the leader of your bridal brigade. I also hope that you can take solace in the fact that, as APW becomes increasingly popular, people with popularized notions are bound to creep in. I know that sounds like a a weird blessing, but think about it: when the bride who came here because it’s “so in right now” reads your thoughts and the thoughts of other readers who are here for acceptance, maybe she can realign her thinking. It probably won’t happen while she’s spouting her “BUT IT WORKS FOR ME SO I SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO DO IT!” defense, and it almost certainly won’t happen the second someone tries to reason with her, but maybe, a few hours or days later, she can start to calm down and realize her mistake. The lucky APW faithfuls can be your troops in what my dad called “turning the head from things that seem important to things that actually ARE important.”

    So take heart, Meg: we got your back!

  • Bless you, honey. You are amazing to host this space. But even amazing souls need rest too. (And HOLIDAYS. You are surely overdue one from the blog, by the way.)

    I wish you a weekend full of love, and joy, and the healing your soul needs.

  • Congratulations to Kate and Kevin! “May the most you wish for be the least you get!”

    And thank you, Meg and everyone else, for making this site such a great place to visit. Sometimes there’s conflict and we need to support other members of the community (we love you, Meg!), but even on the conflict days I’m glad that this is a place where these conversations can take place.

  • april

    Ohhhhh, wedddding!!!! *SQUEEEEE!* Have a lovely time celebrating your friends and their commitment. Hugs to you and your soul, dearest. xoxo ~a.

  • Meg, I absolutely adore your blog & I’m so thankful that I found it during my wedding planning process. It’s a wonderful place to visit each day. Thank you, thank you for creating & hosting APW. I hope the weekend celebrating a special friend’s wedding brought you the peace & comfort you deserve. All the best~

    • Englyn

      Exactly exactly exactly. And virtual hugs, Meg.

  • Coco

    [please read in a Bullwinkle voice to avoid confusing my tone with anger]

    I just read all of the comments in the Great Chuppah Controversy of 2010 and I have to say I don’t understand why comments were closed. Personally, I feel that if you are going to describe some of your readers’ desired wedding practices as offensive you should be willing to accept civil replies (and they were all civil, even if you didn’t agree with them) without deeming the resulting discussion ‘off topic’. And I say this as someone with an extreeeemely dim view of cultural appropriation by goyim.

    Anyway, despite that, I myself have very serious problems with some of the logic underlying your assertions, both as a Jew and an atheist, which I won’t go into. But, I can’t help feel, especially in looking at the comments here, that by shutting down the previous thread you just made it clear that the only opinions on religion and weddings that are welcome are those either agreeing with you or denigrating individuals who do not agree with you. I don’t think that this was your intention, just pointing out the (unintended) consequence.

    • Englyn

      I just read all of the comments too, and the impression I got was not that conflicting opinions were not welcome, but that at some stage we have to agree to disagree and further discussion may not be constructive. Just a ‘time, gentle[wo]men, please’ on the debate. By the chairperson, whose right it is to do so.

      • yep I agree.
        I am another lurker- don’t comment much. I thought the discussion was extremely eye opening and a learning experience, and most opinions were discussed and appeared done.

        Meg- I hope you had a fantabulous time :)

        What I got from the beginning to the end was that discussion, although difficult, strengthened your resolve as to what is important in your beliefs and culture. Which I admire wholeheartedly. Standing by your beliefs in a thoughtful, firm and respectful manner is extremely difficult and admirable.

        Many Blessings along your Journey Meg :)

    • meg

      Here is the thing – when comments get to the point that people are screaming at me (remember, you guys don’t see everything I see) and I am crying, I shut them down. I work really hard to treat you all with respect. The bottom line is that on APW, respect is not always a two way street. If I don’t shut things down when they start getting vicious, there would be no blog, because the sh*t I get is no where close to worth it. I would have been delighted if Jews with other points of view had given rational clear arguments. That said, they didn’t, and we’re done discussing it now.

      Please also remember that I very specifically DID NOT want to discuss that topic and DID NOT want to discuss my personal faith. That’s off the table here. But, given the turn the comments took, I felt like I had to say something – more to stand up for the awesome people in my family that have been quietly hurt by this for a long time, then for me. Once it had been said (and said and said), and the other side had gotten a chance to say their piece, and the discussion was no longer constructive but was turning into personal attacks, there was no point in continuing it.

      • I completely understand and support your decisions to close the comments on that post. The way I saw it was that people were straying further and further off of the *actual* topic at hand. While discussions like that can be good, you had made it clear that this was not the space to have them in.

        Hopefully everyone has had a chance to step back and regroup. I hope you had a wonderful time at Kate’s wedding.

        We are all brave in our own ways, but to remain as calm as you appeared to be in the face of such fire takes some serious guts.

        • meg

          I only *look* calm over the internet ;)

          • Heh. Well, I don’t know what else to say other than I respect the living daylights out of you.


      • Eliza

        I think you make a really important point that’s easy for us over in reader-ville to forget: we DON’T see everything you see. That’s the thing with deleting the nasty, horrible comments, though – pretty much nobody else gets to see them, so it can be a bit confusing trying to understand where the upset is from. Thankyou for the reminder – hope you are holding up ok.

      • Coco

        “I would have been delighted if Jews with other points of view had given rational clear arguments. That said, they didn’t, and we’re done discussing it now.”

        I actually *did* compose a rational response in notepad (despite the fact that this is a very personal issue for me, too) before I realized you had closed the comments, but I guess that is moot. It is a shame that you needed to end discussion of the matter entirely because some comments were inappropriate, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t completely well-meaning and civil people out there with other points of view.

        • meg

          No, it doesn’t. But APW was never the forum for discussing it, and I left the forum open for awhile. I try to stay away from religious and interfaith issues here, I think they deserve better more focused place for discussion.

      • FK

        Hey, thanks for filling us in a little bit! It hadn’t even occurred to me that there were probably comments/messages that were not kind or calm that aren’t on the site. It helps make the whole thing make a bit more sense.

  • Jolynn

    “a time for joy”. Which is thankfully right after the dr*ma! <3

  • meg

    It’s makes me crazy-sad that I have to say this, considering how many seriously disrespectful comments and emails I’ve already had to wade through this week, but we’re done discussing huppahs and cultural appropriation. It’s not something I ever wanted to discuss on APW in the first place, and it already gotten tons of airtime. I shut comments on the previous post because people had lost track of the fact that APW is a place to respectfully and articulately disagree and discuss issues, not a place to attack people we don’t agree with. This thread is now being edited for even more of those comments.

    The discussion is OVER on APW, people. It’s DONE. I’m sure there are lots of appropriate places to discuss this on the internet – I’d suggest looking at religious or interfaith wedding boards – but this is not it. I’m not moderating this discussion any more, other than to delete comments. I wish everyone looking for answers on the subject well, and hope they find an appropriate venue for further discussion.