It’s Been 12 Years and I Still Have Wedding Regrets


My husband says it shouldn't matter to me anymore, but I'm struggling to agree

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Surely everyone has a few wedding regrets when it’s all over and done with, don’t they? Little regrets like not getting to spend as much time with your new husband or wife on your wedding day. Or wishing you hadn’t ordered so many canapés before the main meal or kicking yourself for inviting the uncle who you knew in your heart would not behave within the realms of social acceptability. Please tell me I’m not the only person to have wedding day regrets. Please? If only so I can feel better.

As a British couple, when we got married twelve years ago, our ideas about our wedding ceremony were that we had no ideas. You see us Brits, unlike Americans and Canadians, are only just now slowly coming around to the idea of what a wedding ceremony is truly all about. We’re only just about getting past our ridiculous stiff-upper-lipped-British-ness and starting to have ceremonies where we don’t simply become legally married and act like casual bystanders to our own marriage-in-the-making, but are actual living, breathing participants of our ceremony and do and say the things that we have decided to do and say!

Let me give you a little background to our own ceremony, so you can see why I might be full of regret. We got married in stunning Puerto Vallarta, Mexico where we lived and worked back in the early 2000s. We couldn’t have wished for a more beautiful place for our low-key, family and friends–orientated wedding day. When it came to our ceremony we knew that in being atheists, a civil, non-religious ceremony would be top of the list. If I’d even known about the words Humanism and Humanists at the time that we got married, I would have been hunting down a celebrant to marry us, but that’s another story all by itself.

So we set about sorting out our civil ceremony, with the help of our venue and we spent a hell of a lot of time laughing-crying-laughing hysterically at all that needed to be done, just to get legally married, also know as the bullshit bureaucracy. There were the blood tests and other the medical tests, not to mention the pre-marriage wedding course and video on procreation and how to live a family life. I am not joking.

My role as a wife is to be beautiful?

In getting our heads stuck in all of this, this is pretty much where our minds stayed for the duration of the planning. All we ended up thinking about in terms of our ceremony was the fact that a) it was actually going to happen after all of the poking, prodding, and blood-giving we went through, b) it was going to be non-religious, and c) that it was going to take place in the venue of our dreams. And so on the day of our wedding, when the registrar (a lovely women, at the least!) tells you that your role as a wife is to be beautiful and to support your husband and then tells your husband that his role is to be strong and to protect his woman (not even wife!), you kind of begin to wonder how these words (and all the rest that followed in the same vein!) were ever allowed to be said at your wedding ceremony, without you even knowing about it beforehand. And then when you are asked to love, honor, and obey, you start to wonder why you didn’t really know anything about your ceremony at all.

During the ceremony we managed to make a joke out of all of the ever-so-slightly sexist, overly macho, anti-feminist marriage rites, which was the only way we really could deal with it. If we hadn’t had, our friends and family who know us inside out, certainly would have joked about it for us. In fact, most of them did. Thankfully, our ceremony ended on the note that we wanted it to; loud, harmonious and joyful, all the best combos, but no sooner had it finished, for me, the nagging began.

I couldn’t shake off the registrar’s words, nor the sounds of the laughter-not-laughter. You know, the kind of laughter that comes out of your mouth to hide the rest of the emotions that you’d rather not come out during the middle of such a precious event. Yep, that kind. I couldn’t let it rest either that there was also so much I wanted to tell my husband and so much that I wanted to pledge and promise him, which at the very least would have overshadowed everything the registrar had said. It makes me feel sad that I never got to say these things to him or to shout out loud in front of our nearest and dearest how much I loved him and why I was making this commitment to him, which had nothing to do with beautifying myself for him! And there’s nothing I regret more than the realization of not getting to do all of this when it was far too late.

I laugh until I cry about it

My husband thinks, even to this day, that I’m over-reacting. He says that what is most important is that we got married with our loved ones present, not what was said, or on our part, what wasn’t said. But now, even to this day, I still disagree with him. As far as I’m concerned, what was said (and not said) matters more than anything. Especially because what was said was what we attested to and what we attested to was not what we would have wanted to say, if given the choice. We were not invited to or given the chance to say our own vows, which was partly the marriage registry system’s fault, partly our naivety and ignorance, and partly due to the lack of wedding resources that championed owning your wedding day. Nor did we have the chance to express ourselves personally in any way other than our choice of music to start and end the ceremony.

Don’t get me wrong, our ceremony, our being together with all of our family and friends who had flown thousands of miles to support us, was very very special, because they made it special. However, it just did not feel like it was our ceremony. That’s all. It was a ceremony, but not our ceremony. There is a huge difference. On a good day, when I’ve had a glass of wine, I can laugh about it. On a bad day, when I’ve had too many glasses of wine, I can laugh until I cry about it.

If I could turn back the clocks, I would not have been so sheep-like in the run up to our ceremony, accepting everything as it was and not thinking more about what we wanted it to be. I would have not been so goddamned stereotypically British. I would have asked more questions, been more curious and, I suppose, not been so concerned with how the rest of the day was going to be, which enabled me to lose sight of what, in the end, was the most important thing for us.

Natasha Johnson

Natasha Johnson is a wedding blogger, writer, and celebrant, who loves words, weddings, wine, and Beyoncé, a bit too much. When she’s not writing, talking, and crying over kick-ass weddings, she spends her time being bossed about by her three-year-old, pulled around by her three dogs, and chatting to her husband via social media.

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  • anon

    This seems like the perfect candidate for a vow renewal. Have the ceremony you truly deserve, now.

  • retrojayne

    Our wedding was lovely. My immediate family in particular really went above and beyond in terms of effort and supportiveness in the days and months leading up to the wedding. This was not the case with other family members, who made the process stressful and difficult at best and painful at worst. The day of the wedding, we felt like those roles reversed completely. Everything went smoothly and our guests had a good time, which is the most important thing. However, due to different family members’ behavior leading up to and on the day of, plus some control issues on my part, I can’t help feeling a little sad when I think about that day. I wish I’d had a bigger list of pictures to take with friends and family. I wish we’d not allowed the stress incurred from family during planning to affect us so much. I wish we’d had a more private ceremony with just a big party after. I wish I’d taken more time off work afterwards. I wish I hadn’t allowed said stress to derail my diet plans. I agree with the other comment about a vow renewal. We are hoping to do this at 5 years on, and just have the big fun party we wanted.

  • honeycomehome

    Of course. Everyone has regrets, about weddings and everything else.

    This reminds me a little of getting a tattoo. I got one at 18, and though I still love it, it is not a tattoo I’d get, today. It’s not a regret, because when I think of it, I think of the person I was then and all the things I wanted and I have nothing but love and affection for that past self. Maybe you can think of your wedding that way, too? It’s not the wedding you’d have today, but it was the wedding your younger self had, and don’t you love her? Don’t you love thinking of you and your young husband, and the way your relationship felt at that moment, when you were jumping through hoops to share a life together?

    I think everyone will suggest a vow renewal or kick-ass anniversary party, and I agree. Not because you need to erase the past, but because celebrating life together is fun, and why not ADD to the memories you already have?

    • Rebekah Jane

      My partner has a large portrait of Jack Black on his thigh from a drunken escapade and he says the exact same thing. Every time he looks at it, it makes him laugh and that’s all he could ask for. It was, however, quite a shock for me when I first saw it…

  • Jess

    Oh. Oh darling. This is heartbreaking for me to read because the one thing I really and truly care about during this wedding I’m planning (other than making sure I eat food and actually have a legal marriage at the end of it) is the words said.

    It matters to me what words are chosen to describe marriage and it matters to me what things I promise to do. I interviewed a ton a celebrants and paid some extra money to make sure that we had the person who was most on board with our ideas.

    • Thank you for your lovely words. It sounds like you are inline for an awesome ceremony! How wonderful. x

  • Melody Jones

    I have regrets. My wedding was fairly close to perfect, but when I look at pictures, or think back to them, I wish I hadn’t let my parents have so much sway. I don’t know how I could habe avoided it mind you, but the things I love the most about my wedding were the things I told others to “fuck off” about, and when I comprised…well, I hope it made my wedding better for them because it certainly wasn’t something for me or my partner.

    It was things like having my dad walk me down the aisle and give me away, the toasts, the height to my neckline, the bridal shower, the inciting family members and friends of our parents that neither of us wanted there….. Those were the things that stuck with me, the things I wish I had stuck to my guns.

    We fully plan on doing a renewal ceremony to fix these sorts of flaws.

    • toomanybooks

      Oof. I’m not planning on having my dad walk me down the aisle (or having a father daughter dance) just because for me that feels weird, but I’m not looking forward to telling him that.

      • another lady

        I wasn’t either, until I realized that they were really important to my dad… we still have issues, but it was nice to make those concessions and see him happy about it for that one day!

        • Elizabeth

          Ditto. I knew I would be robbing him of a moment he dreamed of forever if I refused, so I tried to persuade my mom to join us and she was like “no thanks”, which, sigh. But as long as my husband knows that I am not being “given away,” I’m ok with putting on a bit of an act for the sake of my Dad, who I love.

      • I’m planning on having my parents walk me down the aisle, then just leave me to sit down at their chairs at the front. This way I get to walk the [few] steps to my fiance at the front on my own. That’s an okay sort of symbolism, for me.

        There’s also having your fiance be walked down the aisle with his parents, too, as an option. This way everyone’s being given away! Yahoo!! ;)

      • Lawyerette510

        I commented a smidge up-thread but in case you don’t see it. I just want to chime in and encourage you to do what is right and true for you. There are so many people that speak up about giving the dad a chance to participate in the symbolic traditional act of walking the bride down the aisle and the focus is on what it means to the dad, and I found myself pulled into it, but for me personally it is one of the regrets I have and two years out I am still a little mad at myself for not being true to myself on the walking-down-the-aisle point. I think it’s important to include family in a way that is true to the priorities, value and emotional health of the couple, but I put those things second to making my dad happy and giving him something he had been envisioning and I think as a result it created some negative memories for me on the day, and afterwards when I tried to talk to my dad about his actions on the day, instead of some discomfort before the wedding that we would’ve been able to move past.

        • This is so spot on for me! It’s amazing how many couples are so altruistic and allow things to happen during their ceremony and/or wedding to please others, more than themselves. I love my dad very much, but I absolutely did not want him to walk me down the aisle. If I didn’t have 99 steps to walk down I probably would have walked in by myself(!) but I walked down with my two brothers instead who I grew up with and who I felt instantly were the right people to walk with me. My dad watched on lovingly and he did the most amazing speech at dinner, which I hope made him feel better about not walking me down the aisle. I am so pleased that I did this.

    • Lawyerette510

      Yes, I still regret agreeing to being walked down the aisle, and it’s been two years.

      I did not want my dad to walk me down the aisle (my now-husband and I wanted to walk in together with our dog) but my dad made such a big deal about it that we compromised by having both my parents walk me in. I still regret that decision to give in and should’ve stuck to my values. Before I agreed to have him & my mom walk me down, I talked to my dad about how this was not him “giving me away” and why I had a problem with the tradition to begin with and my hesitancy he said he heard me. There was no language from the officiant about it at all, and we rehearsed the day before with me just giving each of my parents a hug and then turning to face my husband. Well wouldn’t you know, at the wedding, I hugged my mom, I hugged my dad, then he grabbed my hand and with his other hand grabbed my husband’s hand and tried to give my hand to my husband. My husband saw what was happening and (thankfully) pulled his hand back subtly so my dad couldn’t grab it, and I semi-subtly wrested my hand free of my dad who was holding on to it and trying to pull it towards my husband. For many people this act of father placing the hands of the bride and groom together is lovely and part of their tradition, but for me and my husband and our interpretation of feminism, it’s not ok. Even two years later I’m still upset that even though I was open to compromising on a tradition I didn’t like and trying to shape it to fit something that would make my dad happy without violating my beliefs, my dad did not respect my boundaries. I was very upset about it for a while, and even tried to talk to him about his hurting my feelings, but he dismissed my feelings and said he was just doing what felt right for him and that I shouldn’t be upset.

  • Rebekah Jane

    No, you are not crazy. Yes, this is something to be angry about 12 years later.

    Just a few months into my partner’s and my relationship, I took a risk and brought him to my cousin’s black tie wedding, as a way to introduce him to my family. The introductions went amazing, but the ceremony itself was horrifying. The officiant told my cousin that he was meant to be the family’s “link to God” and that his new wife should seek him out for spiritual guidance rather than ringing any Higher Power on her own. Even better, she had been a professional cheerleader back in the day, and that was referenced multiple times, including that she was be the “cheerleader” in her marriage. My guy and I were horrified and we still reference that ceremony when we talk about what we don’t want on our future day. (He also thinks that it would be hilarious to pull out pom-poms during our ceremony as a callback, but that’s mostly because he enjoys teasing me).

    The point is I regret WATCHING that ceremony and I couldn’t imagine having it as my own forever bonding moment with my fella. I firmly support a vow renewal or that re-commitment ceremony or whatever you need to soothe your soul, but if you can’t, remember that you aren’t living the words that some stranger spoke one day. You’re living the marriage that you want to have and the words you say to each other every day are more important that one person’s unfortunate speech.

    • Oh my goodness, this is awful. I feel a WHOLE lot better knowing that it’s not just me. We are definitely planning a vow renewal ceremony sometime soon and righting all of those wrongs! Thanks for sharing x

    • Ebloom

      Oh wow. That’s just as bad as the ceremony one on my high school friends ended up with where the officiant noted that, “in biblical times” they would slice birds in half to lay on each side of the aisle to signify what would happen to the couple if they ever divorced. I was a bridesmaid and it was really hard to smile through the visual depiction of the bird massacre. Right then and there I knew that if I ever got married, I would be writing my own ceremony.

  • Emily

    Many regrets. Missed out a couple of opportunities for photographs because everything was just go-go-go and running behind. I hardly saw my husband after the ceremony other than things like coincidentally running into him and saying, “We need to get the band started NOW!” We hardly socialized together, as a couple, during our reception. We were both of us running around with our heads cut off. The food was awful. My pastor gave and fire-and-brimstone type of sermon (he brought up Nazis, native Americans, and all sorts of unrelated historical stories to make his points!?!?!), also during which he insulted my husband and my husband’s parents. I hate how I look in all my pictures because my emotions were on so high. Many things I wish I would have done differently to prevent some of these things from happening. You’re not the only one with regrets!!!!

  • Mary Jo TC

    Wow. I’m six years out, and I still have some mild regret about my dress and hair and the choice of our first dance song and the fact that the church’s A/C went out. But this piece puts that superficial stuff in perspective. I can’t imagine how mortified I’d have been if our pastor had said “love, honor, and obey” and expected me to repeat it. Thanks for this.

  • Amy March

    There are a lot of things it’s too late to do once you are married, but saying the things you want to say to your spouse isn’t one of them!

    • Alison O

      Exactly. I wondered if the LW feels the significance of the ceremony so strongly, in part, because it felt like a unique opportunity to profess their commitment and love to each other. Of course, a wedding day is inherently unique, but those conversations don’t have to be.

  • another lady

    I tend to agree with husband on this one- you can’t go back and change it. you acknowledge that it sucked and was not what you wanted or would choose now, but you cannot go back and change it. you can make new memories and maybe write your own vows to say to each other at another time, etc.

  • Green

    Two years later and yes, there are regrets. Most have faded but I’m still broken up that my father never gave a toast. For some reason this didn’t come up in planning with the DJ. I assumed it would just happen, maybe irganicslly, but it didn’t. Our honorary woman and man gave speeches (planned) but for some reason the mic by-passed my father, who was too polite to insert himself. I’m pretty sure he had something to say, but I’ll never know. Somethings are hard to let go of even 2 (or 12) years later.

    • Clare Caulfield

      I feel this. My father didnt speak at my 21st (it wasnt his style, my mum did a speech, they’ll be plenty of times in the future right?) and he’s since passed away.
      In the same vein of others advice here, if your Dad is still with you, perhaps he could make a toast at a anniversary party or vow renewal for you

  • Kro

    One of my friends had such issues with things their officiant said during their beach ceremony (they didn’t run through the actual words the day before), that they dumped out the unity sand and the 6 of them (the couple and their parents) redid that part the next day in their own separate “ceremony.” So much better and more meaningful!

  • Becca Daniels

    It’s been two and a half years for me, but I do have regrets. I regret buying my dress so early in the engagement. I might have chosen the same dress if I’d thought about it for longer, but I wish I’d given myself more time to explore my options. Instead, I let the emotions surrounding my dad’s cancer to fuel the decisions and bought the first thing that fit and made someone (not me) cry. There are many other small things that I regret, some of which I would change, and some I might not, but ultimately it comes down to me wishing I had been more assertive about what I wanted and was thinking. It was a lovely ceremony that was handcrafted by us, however, and I’m so glad that we got to say exactly what we wanted, but that doesn’t mean that some of the hurt doesn’t surface from time to time.

  • JenC

    I kind of think the ceremony is just one point in which you make promises to your partner. I promised privately to love and honour my husband long before my vows and promised to be faithful to him. When we were talking about engagement, I promised to try for as long as I can -my vows say ‘until death I do part’. I’m not saying that agreeing to obey in front of your friends and family isn’t ideal but your friends and family know that you’re not the type to do the obey element. I haven’t been to a ceremony where I’ve thought ‘oh wow, that totally reflected the couple’ (fellow Brit and I don’t think overly unique vows have established yet – there is still the prescribed vows and there is very little difference between the civil and religious vows). Just because I wasn’t allowed to make personal vows in the ceremony doesn’t stop making those vows at any other point, even 12 years later.

    We had a religious ceremony which still comes with some questionable elements, our ceremony included the words ‘may these two be fruitful in their sexual Union and grow God’s family’. We would both describe ourselves as religious but that was a bit far for us – our reaction was caught by the photographer with us both doing a rabbit caught in headlights look at the front of church. Despite that being part of our ceremony I don’t feel the need to become the Von Trapps. I don’t regret anything from the day, there’s a lot of things that didn’t go to plan (logistics, family, emotional, hair, dress…) but I wouldn’t change because even two months out the little things don’t matter (dress, hair, logistics) as nobody noticed those and the big things (family) have enabled me to establish firmer boundaries with one of the in laws.

    Make the vows you would have made to your husband now. Make them in private, in public, in the supermarket or in bed on a Sunday. Allow them to change over time and keep repeating steadfast ones.

    • Alison O

      omg, if I were caught off guard with the sexual comment, I’m pretty sure I would LOL, whether a guest or the bride…

  • Gray

    I completely understand why you still regret your ceremony, 12 years on. Maybe the actual words of the ceremony aren’t so important to everyone, but for you these words are the whole point of the day! You’re not overreacting and you shouldn’t just get over it. This was a real violation of your values and it’s valid and okay to be upset about it.

    Bit of a tangent… it’s so interesting to me how “the point of a wedding” is so different to everyone. To me, the ceremony and the actual promises made are the most important point of the entire day. Other people don’t care too much about the actual words, but it would never be their true wedding if their family wasn’t there to witness it – that’s the “point” of the day to them. Others don’t care what’s said or who witnesses as long as the wedding takes place at a place that is spiritually important to them. And so on.

    Anyway… If it was me, instead of trying to get over it, I would try to accept it. I would acknowledge that this went wrong and it’s not actually funny to me, it’s sad. Accepting that this one important part of your wedding day went wrong doesn’t mean the rest of the day wasn’t joyous and wonderful. And if I thought it would help I might try a ritual to reclaim what was lost, like writing my husband a heartfelt letter of my own promises, or having a personal ceremony between the two of us where we read our “true vows”. Even if it’s 12 years later, if I thought it would help I would do it.

    I appreciate the author sharing this very personal story. Wedding days are messy and complicated, despite what we are sometimes lead to believe, and it’s always good to hear about someone’s real experiences.

    • tr

      It really is so interesting how everyone focuses on different parts of the day.
      I am absolutely one of those people who cares deeply about who’s there to witness it, but very little about what’s actually said. I suppose that comes from my love of tradition–I have always taken it for granted that I’ll say the standard vows, just because that’s what people have done for generations. However, it means that the words have very little personal meaning to me. The part that’s personally meaningful? Having my loved ones there.
      And I think the personal ceremony sounds like an absolutely wonderful idea!

  • CMT

    I hope this doesn’t come across as a pity “get over it”, because that’s totally not what I mean. Twelve years is such a long time to have to feel so much grief and regret! Do you think a vow renewal would help? If so, do it ASAP! I hope you can find a way to not have to feel this way anymore. It sounds like it’s a real burden for you. Best wishes, LW!

    • Alison O

      Yes, I wondered if the LW has ever allowed herself to fully grieve the “loss” that her ceremony represents. Her point about “laughing it off” made me wonder if she felt that it was not something she was really allowed to feel sad about, or at least that it would be silly to do so, especially because her husband invalidates her feelings about it. Or, maybe keeping a stiff upper lip and not actively grieving is another British thing. Having gone around the pain instead of really through it (like allowing for good cries, maybe a boxing workout, running fast while crying/shouting, etc.) might be the reason this is still as painful as it seems to be after 12 years.

  • Juanita

    I don’t think you can change it. But you know that (though I’m totally feeling a vow renewal in the future!). That said yes, you can be pissed about this. I actually was 100% responsible for putting together our ceremony. It was a protestant ceremony with hand picked readings, but I also chose and edited the language and parts of ceremony to include. And for me that is what I love and think about most about our wedding. I loved it and so glad I had that control. I think though you need to make peace with what happened and maybe this was part of that. I’m sorry you had to deal with that on your wedding. I’m sending internet hugs and know I’m in your corner and hope you can find some way to redeem the past.

  • Lawyerette510

    I get why you are upset about this, and I would have been at the time and would continue to be too. Those were your vows and the promises you made publicly, so if they didn’t feel true to your relationship and values it would make sense that you continue to feel a disconnect. It also makes sense that your husband would not feel as upset. In addition to just a difference in personality, but it sounds like the messaging directed to him and the things he promised to do were not ever as upsetting to him as the messaging directed to you. I agree with the other suggestions for a ceremony of some sort to put those previous vows in the past.

    • Penny7b

      Yes! This! Of course your husband is okay with it, the things he was asked to promise probably don’t upset or offend or diminish him anywhere near as much as they do you.
      My husband is Catholic and I agreed to have a basically Catholic wedding ceremony so long as I could cut anything offensive and add in things that were meaningful for me. I spent ages going over the whole script for the entire ceremony and making sure it was okay. At first I was really upset that my husband to be wasn’t anywhere near as interested in contributing to the ceremony. He just said “it’s fine, you make it whatever you want” and didn’t really express any views on it. At first it felt like that was him saying the ceremony wasn’t important to him. It took me a while to realise that for him the default settings were fine, they reinforced his privilege and his experiences. So of course he didn’t have strong feelings about changing them, this had literally never been an issue of concern for him.
      But in some ways he’s right. While I can totally see why you’re upset about it (and I’m upset on your behalf right now), there’s not a lot you can do to change it. Everyone has at least something about their wedding that they regret (I regret not spending more time with my bridesmaids in the lead up). All we can do is accept the experience and try to learn a lesson from it that we can apply in the future(for me, valuing my female friendships better; for you, maybe defining what things are important to you and being more involved in them, or whatever else you take from it). At the very least, it sounds like this is something that is important for you to get your husband to understand.

  • LadyWoman

    While it’s totally true weddings should reflect the couple, things like napkin color, paper plates vs. china, DJ vs iPod aren’t IMPORTANT – these don’t define your marriage, just your party personality, and if they don’t go right you can say, “but at the end of the day we were married, so it all worked out!”

    The VOWS, though, the entire point of those is to state to each other and to your community what your marriage is about. So maybe if there’s a little funny wording you can get over it, but stating your partnership is something vastly other than what it actually is? I’d regret that, too

    So it’s over and done, but the people you love know what your marriage is ACTUALLY like. And at least you can use those regrets to remind people who haven’t gone through their wedding yet that they have every right to ask questions and be sure they’re happy with what’s going down.

    • raccooncity

      Yes! When I saw this title of the article I was like “oh, yeah, that’s maybe a little much” thinking it was something about the venue or flowers or something….

      But the VOWS…I’d be haunted by that as well.

  • Thank you all for your wonderful positive comments. I’ve enjoyed reading them. In my original post that I submitted to APW I did mention at the end that we’re going to renew our vows, if not this year, then then next, it’s definitely on the cards, and we can’t wait!!! I also made the point that because I now work in the wedding industry and see couples having the most awesome personal experiences during their ceremonies, it often makes me think of my own and how we didn’t have this, which I suppose is why it sometimes feels raw! Kick-ass vow renewal, here we come, for sure!

  • Nell

    I think it must be impossible to have a wedding without having some regrets – because as has been said before, the wedding is just a snapshot – it can’t possibly encapsulate the complexity of the love you feel for each other.

    I think it’s dangerous to think that we could somehow have perfect weddings — that if we just had all the information, we could control every aspect of the day and make it more “authentic.” There is always going to be some uncontrollable factor. I have friends who carefully picked their celebrant, only to find that person going off-book mid ceremony. Lucky for you — since you say you’re getting a vow renewal — you seem to have married the right person even if it was the wrong ceremony!

  • Emily

    It is not my speech to regret, but I do wish the best man had not opened his speech by remembering my husband’s first wedding. I just wanted the world to swallow me up in that moment.

    • Amanda L

      I am so sorry that happened to you. My husband was married before and I would have died on the spot if either of his best men had mentioned it in their speeches (they were both groomsmen at the first one, too).

  • Kara Davies

    After 12 years? I think you need to accept it and let go. That was your wedding, that’s how it happened. You cannot go backwards in time and redo it. You CAN plan and have one kick ass vow renewal! Write your own vows, have the ceremony you wish you could have, get all dolled up, have your nearest and dearest around you, and boogie down.

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  • Olivia Honey

    I still have regrets 3 years later and I so cry about it. My situation is a bit strange. Being with the guy for 8 years, 2 years into our relationship I proposed and he insisted he needs to do it, fully aware 2 years in I want to get married, he didn’t propose…6 years later I was done waiting. I made a joke thst we should simply get married while on a family holiday and surprise everyone. In 3 months I put together a slap dash wedding. My desperation to want to marry this guy was driving all of this. It was a shit wedding, I didn’t get a dress I wanted, hair, song, even our first song, didn’t get that too. The only good thing about my dad was my father daughter dance…
    Looking back now I regret that not only did I have a crap wedding out of despare, but I basically made a guy that wasn’t ready for marriage, marry me. It affects us today and it seems the marriage is likely to fall apart. I guess all I wanted was to know those 8 years didn’t amount to nothing and the guy I was with wanted me…ah the things we do when we are broken….