Posts Tagged ‘Weddings and loss’

I’m sure you all remember (because how could you possibly forget), Morgan, who wrote me in January to get Team Practical advice about wedding planning in the face of serious illness. Her dad was dying, and she was getting married, and you guys rushed into the void with support, and wisdom, and just the hand holding of having been there. I was blown away. Morgan emailed me the day after that post went up and said she’d locked herself in her office and cried after reading all your responses, and then read more and cried before dinner, and then read more and cried after dinner, and said, “We got more bad news yesterday, and to have such an outpouring of support and kindness from strangers was just … I have no words.  So, thank you..” And then she emailed me a few weeks later to say her dad had died. And then she emailed me a few weeks later to say that they had just gotten married and it was healing and full of joy and she was off on her honeymoon and she’d write a graduate post when she got back. She was blissed out. I was so so so glad and grateful that she finally got to have that. And then she emailed me to say her 19 year old cousin had died. Out of the blue.

And so. After all that, Morgan was strong enough to sit down and write. She wrote two pieces. Today’s post is about why weddings are important especially in the face of death, and tomorrow’s post is about throwing a cheap and lazy wedding (or, as she prefers to call it, a cheap and cheerful wedding). I want to warn you that you need tissues to make it through today’s post. Not in the, “I got misty” way, but in the, “I went into the ugly cry” way. Seriously, I got sob-y as I read this. This level of honesty is necessary, but so hard, and so rare. So here is to Morgan, for her bravery – for getting to the other side, and for being willing to tell the tale.

. . . . .

Let me tell you about my last year.

In March, we know that David is about to become ‘temporarily out of work’, but decided to go to Washington DC as planned for 10 days anyway.  A week after we come back, my father breaks the news that he has stage 4 lung cancer.  Two weeks after that, David’s out of work, thankfully with benefits.  They discover cancer in Dad’s brain, and he starts chemo and radiation – his health improves dramatically.  David’s return to work is delayed yet again, now they promise September.  In July, we take a look at our savings, my job, and decide on a whim to go to Scotland and Ireland for 3 weeks.  He proposes at a Neolithic portal tomb in Ireland.  It’s wonderful. My father undergoes another round of brain radiation.  David doesn’t go back to work.  We start to plan a wedding, and figure that March, 6 months away, seems safe, and book the venue. Gradually my father’s health starts to decline, and as does my mother’s mental health.  David finally goes back to work, after 8 months of unemployment, 3 days before Christmas.  We are all aware that this will be my father’s last Christmas, and everything is hard.  He is getting worse, and this round of treatment does not help.  Wedding plans are progressing, but it’s hard to get worked up about details.  I call my sister home in mid-January for the weekend, complete with a big Sunday dinner with a couple of my parents’ oldest friends, and it is wonderful.  My father then dies 5 days later, 50 days before the wedding.  I have very few memories of the week between his death and the wake, and I’m okay with not remembering.  I do remember that the day after he died, David and I buy a house, and are stuck with possession the weekend before the wedding.  We pack up, con my friends in to helping us move, and eat a lot of take out.  The wedding rolls around, and it is wonderful.  We go on a lazy beach honeymoon (that also includes zip lines) and come home to start setting up house and buying furniture and unpacking boxes.  Less than a week later, my 19 year old cousin dies of a totally unexpected heart problem.  Mike was the spitting image of my father at that age, to the point at the wake I’d made a joke that as long as we had Mike, it would feel a little bit like young-dad was around.

So.  Things were hard.  The big stuff was very, very hard. Two funerals and a wedding in 9 weeks for my family. Continue reading Wedding Graduate: Morgan on Weddings In The Face of Death