When we decided to create "Change of Plans" week, both Maddie and I jumped on it and offered to write posts on our own lives. So we wrote them, read each others posts, and it turned out they were interesting echoes of each other. I was writing about what happens after a major (and outwardly perceived) success, and Maddie was writing about how you find real success in the first place. (Hint: It's not the way you were told that you find it.) Though in a sense, Maddie's whole story is about what happens after early perceived success because of her Success Kid phase (which we must bribe her to tell us about, because it's THAT GOOD). I hope this post sparks thoughts and discussion about making our way to life that feels successful to us (along with a healthy fear of geese).

The other day I was about to leave my house to take the dog for an appointment at the vet when I was stopped, physically, in my tracks. By a goose. An angry goose at that, and one that had a bone to pick with me.

I stood there frozen for a moment, and in between panicked thoughts of "Is this creature going to give me rabies?" and "Oh f*ck, oh f*ck, oh f*ck," I thought to myself, "How the hell did I get here?"

Maybe it's because I actually watched a few episodes of The Simple Life, but it felt a little like I was seeing the scene from afar. There I was, a caricature of my former city-slicker self, trying unsuccessfully to coax my 175lb dog (who has poor coordination and low-self esteem) into my hatchback while a wild goose was swinging its neck violently from side-to-side in an attempt to scare me away from his mate.

Someone call the TV crews. I think we have a hit on our hands.

But in reality, the reason that this moment made me do a double take was because it was the first time since moving to California that I felt like I'd surrendered to the change. I wasn't shocked that this demonic animal was chasing after me. I was resigned and annoyed. And I'm pretty sure being resigned and annoyed with your surroundings is how you know you've settled into a place.

And it's this level of comfort and ease that's throwing me for a loop.

You see, before moving to California, I'd spent a few years fitting my square peg of a self into all of the round holes around me. I've written a little about my time working in the entertainment industry and how it tore out my soul little by little. But the reality is that there are plenty of people who love that life, and I just wasn't one of them. So the trouble was never really with the system itself. (Editors note: HAHAHA, Maddie is being kind.) I mean, the system is flawed, yes, and anyone who works in a "dream industry" knows that, but more that I was trying so hard to force myself into what I thought I wanted to be that I was losing myself in the process.

It was an extremely painful process quitting my job in the entertainment business because for the first time in my life, I had to admit that I didn't really know what I wanted at all (and as a former Success Kid, admitting you don't know what you want is only slightly more jarring than actually failing at something you do want). What was worse was that I'd spent so much energy trying to become the picture of success that I no longer even remotely resembled myself.

So in an act of rebellion (and maybe as a coping mechanism for feeling like a failure), I decided that whatever I did next, I'd do it like the honey badger. I simply would not give a shit. And I would own it. Continue reading Maddie On Failing Up