APW Book Tour Talks! (Topics please…)

Ok kids! The APW Book Tour is fast upon us! (Much much more on that front on Thursday. If you’re not wiggling with anticipation, you should be. Seriously.) In fact, the launch event in San Francisco is this Thursday. I have my outfit picked out, our families are flying into town, the celebratory scotch is at the ready.

But! These are book talks, not book readings (mostly), and I haven’t decided what I’m going to talk about yet… because I’m not sure what you want me to talk about. I mean, trust me, give me a topic, any topic, put me on stage, and I’ll chat your ear off (with jokes!). So let’s dish. What do you guys want to hear me talk about on the Book Tour? (There will be time for Q&A as well, so whatever I don’t cover, you can ask me about.) But till then, I need to write something.

Whether you are coming to a book event or not (and loads more events are being announced Thursday…) give me your best thoughts in the comments on what you’d like to hear me discuss. Please? Thank you.

Picture: Me being performative by Hart + Sol Photo

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  • How to deal with wedding vendors without punching anyone in the face. I have coped via copious amounts of alcohol and backrubs from my super-awesome significant other, but have generally felt like I’ve been transported into crazy wedding land, where everything is awful and no one has a concept of budget meaning BUDGET, not “tee hee 15k is a totally reasonable catering quote for 70 people”.

  • Not that I’ll be able to make it to any of the events, but my 2009 engaged self would have loved to hear you talk about making you own choices and sticking to them for your wedding. There have been a number of posts on this subject and each one of them made me feel just so much better. :-)

  • kathleen

    oh oh oh oh!
    (what I REALLY want is for you to come to Atlanta, but you know. I’ll keep that as my secret wish)

    If I’m in the audience I’d love to hear about
    1- your writing process (the nitty gritty day to day- what was hard? what was surprising?)
    2- the craziest/funniest/most ridiculous comments/submissions/pictures you’ve gotten for the site
    3- what advice would you give a single girl? a girl in a new relationship? a newly engaged? a newly married? a newly divorced? (yeah, I kind of think you are smart. like a lot.)

    Can’t wait to hear about the tour. And you’ve got your clothes picked out, so lets be real, the hardest part is checked off.

    • I second the writing process questions!

    • I second wanting a book talk in ATL. I am too new to know how to hook this up, otherwise I would. :(

    • meg

      Yeah, I think THAT is totally happening :)

      Though my clothes are only picked for SF.

      • kathleen

        Yay! Atlanta!!

    • Sarah

      I second the advice for being grown-up in all the different stages. Cause that’s the theme that’s drawn single-loving me into a wedding blog.

  • Anonymous for this One

    What to do if the behavior of your in-laws makes you want to scream and throw things? Sure, future in-laws may behave strangely during the engagement process, but what if it never improves?

    • meg

      Guess what? I’m not going to dish about families in SF or LA. But I will other places ;)

      • Oh thank goodness. “How to not kill the new family you are creating” would be brilliant.

      • Lakelady

        So glad to hear that! I was going to suggest this topic and I’ll be at the Cambridge/Boston reading/talk! Absolutely cannot wait.

      • I don’t think you have to talk about your family to talk about family issues. Just talk about stories other people have told you and how they dealt with them.

      • Anonymous for this One

        Since I’m in Chicago, I’ll be all ears. :D

        (Whenever you find yourself here, that is.)

        • Aileen

          Same here!

  • How to keep pushing through the wedding planning process when you keep finding out that people that are very dear to you will not be able to make it (all for good reasons), and you start questioning what the heck is the point of this wedding anymore.

  • Alison

    Ooh! Definitely would love to hear about:

    – The craziest/weirdest/funniest submissions you’ve ever gotten for the site (publishable or not)

    – Dealing with divorced parents who don’t want to play nice

    – Being able to “be a couple” at the wedding and not spend the ENTIRE day catering to whatever everyone else wants you to do

    See you in Brooklyn!

  • It’d be awesome if you touched on how to choose priorities (for a wedding) that really speak to the couple, and sticking to your guns.

  • Tamara Van Horn

    I’d like you to talk about building this community, and what we have done and can continue to do to keep it so amazing and supportive. Not just your favorite moments, but what we can do to add venues, promote the APW vendors or add new vendors to the family, and submitting Wedding Graduate posts, etc.

  • Joanna

    I’m interested in how you deal with sharing information you know will be helpful for other readers to learn from vs. keeping your life private. I’m so interested in blogging as a way to share knowledge and empower other ladies, but can’t get over the idea of putting everything out there on the internet.

    • meg

      Oh yeah, I TOTALLY don’t put everything on the internet. I’m actually super private :)

      • I think that’s a good point! You let people know you while remaining super private- there’s a balance, and I think your readers might want advice in finding it!

  • – Absolutely second the motion to here about your writing process/inspiration/blanks or blocks!

    – Would love to hear what has surprised you most about your own relationship as it has matured from “newlywed” to Really Wed, and seen from that current perspective, would you have done anything different in your whole engagement/wedding process.

    – And just keep saying, again and again, that every couple can have and deserve to have the wedding that reflects who they are, an authentic event to start off their new family……. in other words, You Go, Meg!

  • Caitlin

    If I were to be able to come, and if I were in the process of planning a wedding again, I would want to hear about how the different people you hear from are defining their relationships and their families in different ways and any commonalities between them as well. I would guess you’ll have an audience that is excited to hear that they don’t have to do what the wedding industry and certain traditions/people/relatives etc. tell them to, and they’re interested in how other people have done that in awesome, creative and thoughtful ways. Just a hunch :)

    Other than that, any jokes from you about anything related to this site would probably be awesome, no matter the content.

  • I can’t find it right now, but the two topics I’ve heard discussed here before that I continue to come back to and tell others about are A) the best being the enemy of the good and B) setting a process to negotiate wedding planning together (aka the couple sitting down and figuring out HOW they want to go about planning – do we write stuff down? Schedule times to chat with each other? Do we split up the tasks or one person does the research or what?)

    I will always want to look up 100 options for everything and my fiance will always be a better final decider than I am, so we set a precedent that I would research options, and my fiance and I would then discuss and decide based on the 3-5 top things I found. This played to both of our strengths and avoided me bombarding him with 100 bookmarked ideas. Whatever you call that process of creating a process. Clear as mud?

  • I’d adore hearing advice on how to deal with not getting caught up in all the wedding pretty and stay true to the things that you really wanted and loved when you very decided to have a wedding.

    I’ d also love knowing how you personally deal with being the face of sane wedding planning, cause I feel like that could get super stressful.

    • meg

      AM I the face of sane wedding planning? Huh. That actually hadn’t occurred to me. Perhaps that’s why I’ve avoided stressing out about that particular issue ;)

  • In the wrong country, let us know if you come to London.
    I would want to hear you talk about the power of shame-blasting, about female communities, and about how we can dissolve pervasive myths that still grip us, like only men proposing and all the other mad stuff, and about your vision for transforming the wedding industry.
    Go Meg!

    • meg


      • Kyley

        Yes, this is what I want to hear too (in BOSTON)! Smart, real-life feminist stuff, please!!!

        • Caroline

          I agree. Feminist talk and talking about what it is to be women, is what I love about APW (with, admittedly, a side of pretty, but the pretty is less important). I want to hearyou talk about feminism, and relationships ( not nessicarily how they blend though that would be great too).

  • I’m half way done with the book, and I think it’s amazing. That said, I would like to hear about your struggles with writing it — what got left out? what do you wish had gone in? what do you think its weaknesses/strengths are? I don’t mean to ask these things to be critical of the book (as I said, I think it’s amazing!), but because in those grey spaces and in those vulnerable spots are where I think the best conversation comes out.

    • meg

      Oh! I hope there are questions about that. Then I might find out what I think about it. Right now I’d just wave my hands around and say, “I donno. I wrote it. IT IS NOW FINISHED.”

  • Beth

    I’d love to hear more about ceremony writing, creating, etc. Love your book.

  • Newtie

    I’m curious to know if you ever get sick of weddings or wedding-related advice. Plus, since I imagine many readers find this site when they get engaged, I imagine you get asked a lot of the same questions over and over. How do you keep the material here so fresh and interesting, when, realistically, a lot of us will need to hear the same stuff? How do you keep yourself from getting burned out on weddings?

    • meg

      STAFF! Also, I’m fond of weddings, but I don’t actually think this site is about weddings. More on that topic on tour….

  • LuLuLu

    I’ll be at your Cambridge/Boston talk and I would LOVE to hear more on what you titled, “The Bridezilla Myth: Making You Crazy, then Calling You Crazy” in your wonderful, amazing, couldn’t have timed it more perfectly for my life, book. My fiancé and I are both too eager to make everyone happy and we’re starting to feel like we’re losing control of our wedding. I’m so busy trying not to be a “bridezilla” that I’m worried in the end, I won’t be the bride I want to be either. We’ve come so close to saying, f*** this we can just elope and not deal with this craziness already and yet we bring ourselves back to this undeniable desire to make this wedding our own. We’ve tried to incorporate our families only to find out that no one has even asked us what we want. They just talk about how our wedding will impact them and how they would do everything. What’s the balance between being somewhat of a “bridezilla” and creating the day you want (imperfections and mishaps welcome!) while also pleasing those that are nearest and dearest? Some of the first few decisions we made about our day were the best (including booking an APW vendor Hart + Sol – so talented and amazing) and we did them all on our own. How do we keep people involved without being ambushed and taken over?

  • Danielle

    The hard stuff! Like break-ups and divorce. Not sure if most of the audience will want to hear that, but I do! It might flow into a conversation on weddings as a discussion about learning how to have good relationships through experience with bad ones.

  • Natalie

    I would say talk about the thing that was, I think, the most valuable thing I took from this site during planning: protecting your own experience on your wedding day. I followed that advice but its only in retrospect that I realize how much it impacted my experience of our wedding. I just want you to spread that message far and wide.

  • Emily A

    I would love to hear a little about how your book (love!) and this community (double love!) are a sort of act of resistance against Weddingland, and about how important it is to chill about The Wedding but never about The Marriage. I would love that, but I am in St. Louis, so I will wish it for you lucky ducks along the book tour.

  • Chelsea

    I would also like to hear more about ceremony/vows writing.

    I also have a bit of a WIC conundrum, although it may not be applicable to everyone. We have the basis of our event established, and its pretty WIC-y. While I’m really into doing everything non-traditionally and figuring out what works for me and going with it, critics and nay-sayers be damned! But my fiance* is really traditional. We have a pretty good balance in our lives, and we’re creating (mostly I’m creating) a pretty good balance in our event. Its just my inner voice that is saying, “why can’t I do brunch and dive bar hopping, down with WIC.” In other words, I think I have reverse wedding guilt and need to reconcile my unconventional tendencies with my traditional wedding.

    Long story short: some ideas for having a practical wedding while still incorporating the “traditional” wedding elements, and being ok with that.

    *can we please come up with a word that means fiance that doesn’t make me throw up in my mouth a little?

    • Anon

      I still call him boyfriend :)
      Those who know me well know the seriousness of our relationship. Those who don’t know well, I don’t think they need to know. Plus I don’t have an engagement ring, so that also helps.

      • I still call my future wife my girlfriend. If I say fiancee, it sounds to me like I am saying HEY I AM HAVING A WEDDING, which I find annoying. Also, because fiancee/fiance sound exactly the same, it also makes me feel closeted, which I don’t like. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling people that my girlfriend and I are getting married. Works for me!

        • ms.nak

          Before my wife and I were married, I took to calling her my “femme-ancee” for some gender specification :)

          • Emily A

            I like FH, as in future husband. He calls me Fiance, but pronounces it FIE-anss.

        • DanaDou

          I LOLed (for real) at your use of all-caps there. I always read all-caps in Steve Carrel’s “loud noises” voice from Anchorman.

          (I just scrolled up to laugh again.)

          Fiance really is an awful word.

    • meg

      Have you read the book yet, my friend? I have CHAPTERS on this sort of thing. But on it :)

  • Aileen

    Here’s my suggested topic if you come to Chicago:

    How do you deal if family members who have always been your biggest supporters, suddenly morph into beings that think it’s ok to tell you that your beliefs (ie, the wedding is not all about me, it is about us as a couple and family) are wrong? And you need to get over it? And generally trying to control all of your wedding decisions, but not actually helping with any planning like they had promised?

  • PA

    Two part question (even though I won’t be there):
    a) What was one thing you thought would be incredibly difficult that was just a breeze?
    b) What was one thing you thought would be a breeze that turned out to be a huge pain?

    And/or the variant:

    a) What did you put a lot of effort into, assuming that it would be really important on the Day Of, that turned out not to be a big deal to you at all?
    b) What, if anything, do you wish you had devoted more time to?

    I’m sad I won’t be able to be there, but I look forward to hearing about the awesome discussions!

  • I’m speeding through the book before (hopefully) attending the SF talk on Thursday (praying to the scheduling Gods as we speak). I’d love to hear more about transitioning from your 9-5 to working full time on APW.

    • meg

      Ask me about that Nicole!

  • Seerjeals

    A mio parere, si sbaglia. Io propongo di discuterne.