Q: So I am really struggling with making sure the wedding that I am planning is a true reflection of my fiancx and I. We are both on the asexuality scale, and the most important reason for our marriage is the fact that he is my best friend. Above all else. He is the purest source of joy in my life, and he tells me he likes me too.
Every wedding script that I read, every bachelorette party game I see on Pinterest, every well-meaning question and comment I get from my friends, all seem to have these unneeded sexual undertones that aren’t a genuine reflection of who we are as a couple. Or maybe my self-consciousness is making me see these things when they aren’t really there?
In the end, what I want most is for our wedding ceremony to emphasize that fact that we have found the truest friendship we possibly could, without the pressure of being overly traditionally romantic or physically intimate with each other, but finding wedding scripts that reflect that has proven nearly impossible. Any help would be appreciated.
A: Sometimes I think the most helpful thing in wedding planning is just to know you’re not alone, and other people are also obsessing about similar problems. And while not everyone is planning a wedding as a pair of asexuals, many folks are struggling to create ceremonies and bachelorette party games (ugh bachelorette party games) that feel like a reflection of who they are as people and as a couple.
So try to make this as unloaded as possible for yourself, and set a guiding principal of, “We just want this to be an honest reflection of who we are.” That should give you permission to slash and burn any language that doesn’t speak to you and throw many many ideas you found on Pinterest in the trash (where they rightly belong).
When it comes to writing a ceremony that speaks to who you are as a couple, you’re in luck, because we’ve written a whole lot about that. This article will guide you through the steps of building a ceremony that works for you, and this is a compendium of the many, many related articles we have on the topic.
And while we’re on the subject, can I pull my soapbox out for one second and just say that in my opinion, “sexual overtones” are always unneeded when it comes to wedding ceremonies? Nobody needs to hear the word “lover” bandied about while sitting uncomfortably next to Grandma. So by all means, please cut all sexual overtones from your wedding ceremony, and may you start a forever trend.
—Meg Keene
Now let’s here from you. Anyone else planning a wedding as an Asexual? Words of advice? Anyone having a similar issue and looking to chat?
