Q: Dear APW,
My fiancx and I are getting married in September 2019 (so excited!). For the bachelorette party, I asked my longtime friend and bridesmaid (one of five) to schedule things for me. I stated that I would like to make a day of things and would be more than happy to pay my own way.
The day would consist of brunch at my home, going to a winery or two, stopping by a local shop and making our own candles, going for a two for one happy hour, and ending the day watching movies and eating pizza at my house in our pjs and fuzzy socks.
She responded with the concern that she thought it would cost too much money to do something like that. I estimated the cost per person would be about $75 including gasoline and had not expected this response. The bachelorette party would not be until June or July, which would give each person ample time to save $75 (or even $100) for the day.
In my planning of the day I tried to incorporate the things I love as well as things each of my bridesmaids love. Some love wine, some love a great happy hour deal, some love just being home and cozy, some love all of those things. Is there a way to let my friend know kindly that I would really appreciate if we could have the bachelorette party I have planned without sounding dismissive or uncaring?
A: Dear Idaho Bride,
That really does sound like a lovely plan! The problem is, you planned it. It’s pretty likely your bridesmaids were anticipating planning a party for you (that’s usually how these bachelorette parties work). And yeah, maybe they’d have asked you for preferences, ideas, likes, and dislikes. But that’s not quite the same as you planning an hour-by-hour itinerary of the day they’re celebrating you.
Besides, $75 may not seem a lot to you, but it might be a heavier burden to someone in your party. Or maybe they didn’t anticipate spending an entire day, start to finish, doing several different activities. Or maybe they already have an amazing surprise planned and you don’t even know it! You gave them ideas. Your friend is armed now; she knows all sorts of things you’d like to do. Now step back and let them plan the dang thing.