Should I Cover My Tattoos for the Wedding?

Being who you are, especially on your wedding day

Q: My boyfriend and I are happily pre-engaged and plan on getting married in the next twelve to eighteen months, so naturally, I’ve started scoping out the landscape of possible wedding dresses (or jumpsuits!). Without any particular idea of what exactly I want in terms of a silhouette, sleeves vs. sleeveless, etc., I’m mostly running into the question of whether to make a conscious effort to cover up my tattoos. I have two fairly small tattoos on the inside of my upper arms (Hebrew phrase associated with my Hebrew name) and a large back piece (the Mississippi River), which is the one I’m most concerned with. On the one hand, I love my tattoos. They’re an expression of who I am and where I’ve come from and what’s important to me, and I have no problem showing them in more typical social situations. On the other hand, they’re a relatively recent addition to my body/aesthetic. My parents are resigned to unhappy about it, and my grandparents and many of my friends, especially the ones I haven’t seen in a few years, don’t even know I have tattoos at all. For some of my friends, especially, my tattoos are going to seem very out of character compared to the person they knew in high school. So while I really want to rock out with my tats out at my wedding, I also A) want to be respectful to my parents (and grandparents), who would love to the turn the clock back to the pre-tattooed me, and B) don’t want my wedding to turn into a referendum on my life choices, sotto voce or otherwise. My boyfriend, who has a fair amount of ink himself, will be happy either way—i.e., he doesn’t care what I do as long as I’m comfortable on the day. Thoughts?

-Anonymous

A:

Dear Anonymous,

Your boyfriend has the right idea. What will make you comfortable? Your tattoos are about you—not about respecting your mom and dad, sparing your grandma, or making your old pals from pre-calc days feel comfortable. Tattoos are a personal decision you made for your personal self.

There’s a good bit of talk about “baby family” on this site. We talk about the wedding day as a key day in the transition from focusing on the family that raised you, to focusing on the new family you’re choosing to build as an adult. Expressing yourself fully can be a piece of that transition to grown-up individual making her own choices. Standing firm in who you are and allowing those around you to take it or leave it is all part of the slight shift that has been happening all along, and that in some ways becomes formalized on the wedding day.

But, there’s a big difference between covering yourself to make someone else happy and covering yourself so you don’t have to deal with hearing their mouths. It’s fair to want to avoid as much judgment and tension as possible, especially on a day that might hold more stress or emotion than usual. If you want to dodge any rude digs, or just don’t want to get into your personal choices with people, cover those tattoos with my blessing. Find a gorgeous jacket or wrap or whatever, and then you have the option of covering them when you like, and leaving it on your chair if you decide you’re up for it. The subtle distinction there is to make sure you’re hiding your tattoos to protect yourself from unwanted stress, and not hiding them to protect your parents from facing who you are.

Or, you can let the dress decide for you. You said you don’t have any ideas of what you want just yet, which means there’s a whole vast world of white gowns (or ivory suits or red cocktail dresses or, or) for you to explore. You could just dive in and see what appeals to you, whether or not it covers the Mighty Mississippi on your back, and whether you’re willing to show some ink in order to wear it.

If you’re feeling nice, you can even let mom know in advance that your tattoos will be out in their full, inky glory. Give her a chance to brace herself, and also get some of her exasperated sighs out of the way. Or, you can decide it’s easier to ask forgiveness than permission. On a day where so many people are so happy for you, they probably won’t have your ink foremost on their minds. Your choice!

The point is, no matter your decision, this one is about you. There are loads of other wedding day choices where I’ll push for respecting your family and their preferences. But this particular area is one where they’ll need to learn to respect you and yours.

If you would like to ask Team Practical a question please don’t be shy! You can email: askteampractical [at] apracticalwedding [dot] com. If you would prefer to not be named, anonymous questions are also accepted. Though it really makes our day when you come up with a clever sign-off! 

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