Election Open Thread


I thought we were better than this

by Meg Keene, CEO & Editor-In-Chief

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{Mood. H/T Rachel Wilkerson Miller}

Hi Everyone,

I’m writing this from a hotel room in Lisbon, before breakfast, after Trump’s acceptance speech. Maddie and I are in Lisbon for work, and we woke up at 5am to the news of an imminent Trump win. I wish I had something profound to say, but mostly I’m just terrified. Terrified for my black and brown friends, for the LGBTQ community, for my muslim friends, for our Spanish speaking and beloved caregivers, for our friends with disabled kids, for our own Jewish kids, for our nation.

We’ll update this post throughout the day with helpful and relevant links, but we wanted to open this thread for all of you to discuss your feelings. I’m sure many of you have wiser thoughts than I do in this early morning in Lisbon. Please share whatever you need to share here.

Starting this afternoon we’ll resume our regular publishing schedule, even though nothing seems normal today. I hope it brings you a bit of distraction and joy.

XO,

Meg

Meg Keene

Meg is the Founder and EIC of APW. She has written two best selling wedding books: A Practical Wedding and A Practical Wedding Planner. Meg has her BFA in Drama from NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts. She lives in Oakland, CA with her husband and two children. For more than you ever wanted to know about Meg, you can visit MegKeene.com. #NASTY

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  • Ashlah

    I have no words. I am absolutely crushed and utterly devastated. I am in shock. I’m terrified and in disbelief of what is to come, and I’m so desperately disappointed and mournful of the opportunity we missed. It feels like such an enormous step backwards when we were on the cusp of such progressive possibilities. I feel betrayed by many. I feel angry. I feel sad. I feel confused. I feel powerless. This is different from other losses.

    I am so glad I took tomorrow off work. But tonight I feel so alone. Be strong, everyone. Be safe.

  • Me

    This has been an incredibly emotional day for me. My job as a college counselor involves advising undocumented students, many of whom had been very hopeful about what the prospects of a Hillary presidency would mean for them and their families. Additionally, yesterday morning, I found out that I’m expecting my second child. I took my young daughter with me to the polls decked out in our Hillary paraphanalia and looked forward to a dual celebration in the evening. Instead of celebrating, my husband and I spent the evening contemplating what it will be like to bring a child into a world where Trump is President, not to mention what it will mean for my students and their families. Just…no words. I feel a sense of grief akin to the death of a close loved one. This was not supposed to happen.

    • Danielle

      I am pregnant with my first child. I was so hopeful that a woman would be our president, that I would bring a child into a world that was brighter and more progressive than before.

      But no. It is the opposite. This is a nightmare. What kind of world will it be for this child? How will I explain to him/her, all the evil that exists?

      My heart is broken </3

      • Me

        Hugs, Danielle. This is rough.

      • Lisa

        I’m so sorry. I keep thinking of my friends who are pregnant right now and the hope we all shared that their children would grow up in a world where it would be taken for granted that women could be president. My heart is breaking for the future.

        • LadyMe

          Feels:

          http://www.vox.com/first-person/2016/11/9/13572748/donald-trump-won-hillary-clinton-lost

          “But most of all … I don’t want you to think about this. Because you’re
          6. You’ve got new books to get at the library tomorrow, theater class
          tomorrow night. … Your job is to be the best 6-year-old you can be. My job is to be the best 39-year-old I can be, to be the best dad, to do everything I can to keep you safe and well. That hasn’t changed, and that won’t change. Because what’s happening in the world, buddy —  that’s for me to worry about.”

          • Danielle

            Thank you so much for this. Brings tears to my eyes.

          • AGCourtney

            YES. Last night, as even the most desperate calculations ceased, what finally made me cry was the prospect of telling my 5-year-old the next morning.

      • Another Meg

        I’m in the same position, and I had similar thoughts last night. I actually had a (quick) moment where I was not happy to be pregnant. I spent all morning crying. This is awful.

        I don’t know if this helps, at all, but you are not alone. I was really excited to have a child in a world where my kid, boy or girl, could look up to a woman as leader of the nation. Now I just feel a sense of responsibility to do what I can to mitigate the damage.

        • Danielle

          Girl. I am right there with you. This is so sad.

          I figure, parents have had children during all sorts of awful times. We will figure it out. I do believe we are stronger than this – we HAVE to be.

      • Sarah

        One of my best friends delivered her son last night, and just this morning she learned Trump won. I can’t imagine the horror. Another of my best friends, also a mother and a very caring person, has spoken pretty harshly about Hillary a few months back. We don’t talk politics in general, but I can’t imagine she voted for Clinton. And she f-ing lives in PA too which makes me so heartsick.

      • I am also pregnant with my first. Don’t know the sex but I have been feeling like its a girl and was hoping she would grow up in such a different world than the one I woke up to this morning.

        • Gaby

          I’m so sorry for anyone who’s pregnant or the parent of a newborn right now. I try to find comfort in the fact that those babies will be too young to remember much between now and 2020.

          • I just think of how much we can screw up for them, how much we can undo and how many years it’ll take to put it back.

            I’m Jewish and was considering naming my baby with a Hebrew name only. But now I’m wondering if they’d be better off with a plain American name to go with their father’s non-Jewish last name.

          • Danielle

            It is amazing to think that Jewish people have continued to give birth and have children in all sorts of hard times. It gives me a small flicker of hope that we have survived, and we will continue to survive.

            I have to hold on to whatever tiny bit of hope I can, right now.

          • Gaby

            Ugh, I’m so sorry.

      • Trinity

        I feel the same. I’m also pregnant with my first (20 weeks)–and we have our first/only ultrasound today. I was so looking forward to today, and now I only want to cry/vomit/sleep.

        • I’m sorry this happened on what should be such a special day. Love to you and your babe. I’m hoping the ultrasound brings you some joy and love amid the bleakness.

        • Danielle

          I’m so sorry.

          I do hope you are able to enjoy the ultrasound. We had an early one and it made it seem so real to me.

          Strength and hugs today.

      • Brooke

        Just this morning I had the thought that I’m not sure I want to bring children into this world. As a person who has been on the fence about kids most of my adult life, I know now that I need to wait.
        My heart is breaking for parents and teachers today, as explaining this to children is so difficult. I used to teach in a community with a large undocumented immigrant population, and I can’t even imagine what some of my former students are feeling today.

    • guest

      I’m planning to start trying in the next year, and was happily thinking of what it would be like to have a child in a world where presidents could be black and female. This morning I told my husband I’m not even sure I want to have kids anymore. But we have to keep growing numbers of good, open-minded Americans. Our kids will be the future that would never vote for president trump.

      • ACW

        I’m in the same place and told my husband the same thing this morning. I need someone to tell me everything will be alright. I need someone to tell me that I can have a baby in the next four years and that they will be safe. But I am not sure if anyone can tell me these things.

        My heart breaks more for the people who already have children they need to protect. And of course for all the other groups of people who are certainly terrified right now.

      • Anon for this

        We’re in kind of the same position and not sure what to do. I think we’ll start with mourning and then I guess it will be a part of the conversation when we start looking at what we’re going to do moving forward. But I feel so sad and scared.

      • Ashlah

        We’re currently trying. My period was supposed to start yesterday. I don’t think I’m pregnant, really, but there’s a chance. Part of me feels like choosing to conceive a child right now is a terribly selfish, terrifying decision. What will I be subjecting them to? But the other part of me feels like I cannot let this man change the course of my life this way. I was so excited to have a child who never knew of an America with only white men as leaders. And now we have a vile, misogynistic, blustering, unqualified fool in charge. The future feels so uncertain. I have to remain hopeful. I have to.

      • flashphase

        Also, I’m scared to try to get pregnant in a country where now I might be denied a safe procedure if I need one, at the expense of my own health

        • Eenie

          Safe or even affordable. Abortion and health care are related – what happens when the ACA is gutted?

    • Alyssa

      I’m an elementary school counselor in a predominantly latinx, rural area in CA; I had kids telling me this week that their family members have to leave the country if Trump gets elected, and the only thing that I could think about this morning is how they and their families are doing, or if they’re already high-tailing it out of here.

    • joanna b.n.

      Bless you, and prayers for you.

      • Me

        Thank you, Joanna <3

  • Preengaged Chicago

    This election I tried to vote for intelligent, thoughtful, moderate candidates from Democrat and Republican parties, alike, who I thought would collaborate outside of party lines to make things happen. Everyone I voted for lost.

    Both on a National and regional scale, I fear selfishness, extremism and a strict alliance to parties has prevented us from electing officials who represent our best interests and who want/try to make them happen. I do not see myself or the views of many people reflected in the legislative or executive branch and that is scary.

  • saywhatnow

    Heartsick doesn’t begin to describe how I feel. Watching the returns, I felt like I was having a nightmare, that it couldn’t be true. And then the reality: that people could vote, not for a republican, but for *him* – an avowedly sexist, racist, homophobic, hateful, anti-intellectual, narcissistic, crooked and vile buffoon with no understanding of government… I can hardly begin to fathom what that says about parts of the country, about how broken and impoverished civil society is.

    Terrified for what’s to come, helpless, and angry. It feels like something has irrevocably broken.

    Mostly, I’m heartbroken for my LGBTQ, Black, Latinx, immigrant, etc. friends. And I’m so sad for all of us women. No, I’m sad for all of us – that it could come to this.

    • LT

      Agreed. I lay in bed last night trying to both get to sleep and come to grips with the fact that so many people chose this person to lead the country. It feels like the things that I value in our country are now at risk.

    • MC

      Yep. Could not sleep last night, have been crying all morning. Husband and I both agree we have never felt this terrible – heartbroken is a good word for it.

  • AB

    The only silver lining I have this morning was waking up to the smiling face of a baby young enough to be blissfully unaware of how much we have failed her. I hope we can find ways to do better by her and her brother’s futures in the weeks, months, and years to come.

    • Meg Keene

      Explaining this to our four year old this morning felt awful.

      • Jess

        I cannot even imagine what words I could possibly use to explain this to a child.

      • Lisa

        I’m thinking of the children my friends teach, who were crying in their classrooms yesterday because they were scared of Trump and the possibility of being sent back to Mexico. Children shouldn’t feel this way. No one should.

        • Danielle

          My heart aches for those children. And I wonder, what can I do, to protect them the way they deserve?

          • LadyMe

            Look for organizations that work with immigrants. Massachusetts has groups like Mira. https://www.miracoalition.org/ They’ve been working with these protection issues for years. They’ll have connections and resources and ideas. They may need resources – money or time or whatever. Let the experts lead you.

          • Danielle

            Thank you.

        • Alyssa

          Yes, at the elementary school I am a counselor at, there has been a lot of this too, and kids telling me who exactly in their family has to go back to Mexico, and it’s so hard to watch their little 8-ish year old selves carrying so much anxiety and fear and the world on their shoulders, hoping that their family member doesn’t have to leave. It’s awful.

      • AGCourtney

        Exactly. The prospect of explaining this to our newly-5-year-old was what started the tears for me last night. When she bounded into our bedroom this morning, asking who won…Oh, my heart.

    • saywhatnow

      It *is* a failure. A betrayal of equality, hope, progress, inclusion and, if I’m honest, a betrayal of a vision of society where there things – and basic social rights – actually matter.

      Unfathomable.

    • anon

      Husband and I have been talking about having kids in the next couple of years – suddenly I… don’t really wanna have kids. That’s an overreaction and I know I’ll feel differently in a few weeks, but I think it shows my intense despair in the moment.

  • Danielle

    I can’t believe that this is us, America. This IS us. Half our country voted for this. I don’t know who we are anymore.

    Is this who we always were? Has the mask been pulled away, revealing the awful truth?

    So sad, sick and heart aching. Have we not changed in 50, 100, 150 years?

    Someone please tell me this is a dream, a bad dream we will all wake up from.

    • Jess

      I have to believe this is who we always were.

      I cannot help but feel like we have always been here, in the small and large ways we talk and treat each other. The ways news sources still say “thug” and even the best of us talk about anti-terrorism being built on Muslims reporting what happens in their communities and the way people still reject their LGBT+ children and the way the men in my office still talk about women in the home.

      We have always been here, we just hoped we weren’t.

      • Danielle

        That truly breaks my heart </3

        • Jess

          Mine too. It has been breaking my heart daily to listen to family, coworkers, and people I called friends speak with so much fear and disgust of black and brown bodies, of queer people, and of women.

          I didn’t want to believe that they really felt like that, but here we are. I let too much go as “just a joke” and now it isn’t one anymore.

          • Danielle

            None of my friends or family talked about supporting him. It seemed like something other people did, crazy people I don’t know.

            Maybe that’s partly what seems so surreal. I just simply can’t believe so many people support him… I don’t understand why.

          • Eenie

            My neighborhood is blanketed with Trump signs. We’ve had a year long embargo on all political talks with my in laws. I thought that maybe it was just this overwhelming feeling because I’ve always lived in a socially liberal area and this was the first election after I moved. Sigh.

          • saywhatnow

            I really feel for you and others who live surrounded by deep red. I hope you can find a community of like-minded people with whom you can share values and, maybe, hope.

          • Eenie

            We were already looking at moving to a different state. We do have a lovely group of people who support women, minorities, lgbt+, and others who have been opressed. We don’t always agree on the fiscal side of government, but that’s perfectly ok.
            We have recently opened up our discussions to moving abroad. Not just because of this election, but the overall state of our country. I want access to a working healthcare system, paid sick leave, and parental leave. I had hoped we might achieve those with the next presidency, but that is nowhere near the platform of Trump.

          • saywhatnow

            I really hear you. At moments like this – and no hyperbole, this feels apocalyptic to me – it’s so, so important to find a safe, mindful community to be in. I hope you find it – and anyone else seeking a refuge from this toxic spill.

          • Ellen

            In Australia we have those things. I know our political system isn’t the best and we need to make some serious changes to support minorities but we have universal health care, paid sick leave and paid parental leave. It’s part of the minimum conditions of employment.

          • Eenie

            Australia is on the list for sure. For the reasons I listed, I think we can move to a lot of different countries and achieve those goals which says a lot about the US’s state of affairs. I’m so torn right now. Do I do what’s best for me and my family – utilizing my privilege to my advantage? Or do we stay here and fight with all the people who don’t have the luxury of contemplating getting the fuck out of dodge? Reading all these comments has really made me think about that. And we will think some more.

          • Jess

            I’m in a fairly rural city (about the size of a large suburb) and although nobody has outright told me they support Trump, the things they say are enough for me to know where they stand.

            This is the year I learned to be afraid of my neighbors.

          • That’s exactly how I feel – afraid of my neighbors.

          • anachronismsarah

            That’s how I feel too- I’m in the rural South.

          • Lisa

            I’ve been afraid of my neighbors since I moved to the South from Chicago. Every time we talk about the possibility of approaching someone doing something unacceptable (ex. blasting music from a truck for the entirety of 2:00 – 4:30 AM), we end up demurring because we are concerned about crazy people with guns.

            It’s not a totally unfounded fear either since a driver once threatened to kill me when I was riding my bike to work in the street. These are the people who voted for Trump.

          • Danielle

            My neighborhood does have a few signs for him too. I I got really angry when I saw them, but figured they were anomalies.

            He was such a crazy candidate, I wrote him off as ridiculous and unable to win. I underestimated him and his followers, and now feel very naive.

          • LadyMe

            I warned in February “watch him get the nomination”. People told me I was crazy.

            In July and every month since, I said “watch this election be brexit all over again”. People told me not to worry.

            I wish I had been wrong.

          • Alanna Cartier

            Same Here. My fiancé has spent this entire election assuring me that drumph would never win, while I was certain he very well could. This may be one of the first situations where I am profoundly disappointed to be right.

      • LizGB

        Yeah. 59 million people in this country voted for him. This man was elected president. This IS what we are.

        For the entire existence of our country, Americans in power have paid lip service the values of freedom and liberty for “all” while always, ALWAYS meaning “wealthy, white, cis, straight men.” This country was built on slave labor while our Constitution proclaimed justice for all. America has played world police, bringing “freedom” to other countries while black people, muslims, LBGT people, women, and others are being denied rights – and sometimes their lives – at home. We have never truly reckoned with, and denounced, these actions and we haven’t really come as far as a lot of people believe.

        It freaking sucks, but Trump represents a lot of what America has shown (through its actions) that it values.

        • Jess

          If I have one problem with “political correctness” it is this: By paying lip service to minorities, to women, and to LGBT+, we fooled ourselves into thinking we solved the problem.

          We did not.

          This election is only the latest in a long line of things like Gamergate, Pipeline Building, Bathroom Bills, Terrorist Watch Lists, police shootings, and Planned Parenthood attacks to prove that to us.

        • saywhatnow

          There’s something else that’s even scarier, to me: the absolute, willful ignorance and imperviousness to facts and reason of this bigoted buffoon’s supporters. Sure, you can lean to the right. But *this guy*??? How much more proof was needed that he was a failed businessman, a tax-evader, a sexist bigot, a verifiably blatant liar who knew NOTHING about government?

          And yet, over and over in interviews, these voters clung to delusional conspiracy theories rand facile soundbites ather than engage with reality in any form, never mind informed debate. Actually admitting to not having basic information about any policies, and to not caring about informing themselves.

          That there can be such a failure of critical thinking and disdain for FACTS and knowledge.. That f*cking TERRIFIES me. And with the toxicity that’s been unleashed, I don’t see a way around it.

          Weeping for the country and the world.

          • LadyMe

            Even scarier:
            He’s pro nuclear proliferation and won’t rule out first strike.

          • saywhatnow

            I legit believe he has a personality disorder and is not fit to… well, anything. Really, he’s unhinged. I’m SO full of rage that anyone could vote for a bullying, manipulative, serially lying, bloated buffoon.

            Thanks to all of you in this space for listening and sharing. I feel sick, but it’s good to have this outlet. :(

    • My only comfort is that this is not ALL of us. There are still millions of Americans who choose to love their neighbors and who believe that equal rights are for everyone and who care about people who are different from them and who WILL shape the future of America, in spite of the awful hatred that pervades it right now.

      • Danielle

        I know. But 50-60 million Americans voted for him. Voted for racism, rape, hatred of immigrants and the disabled and religious minorities, etc. It just hurts my heart to realize so many people believe in him.

      • anachronismsarah

        Right! The under-30 vote was majority Hilary.

  • Eenie

    I’ve never actually felt this much fear after the results of an election. For me it’s always been sad or exciting, but I’ve never before felt such a strong sense of fear for myself, my rights, and the rights of fellow citizens and non citizens.

    • Jess

      Same. I have no words for how afraid I am.

  • Em

    To provide a foreign perspective on this – I’m Australian and I live in a very international university town in the UK which was devastated by Brexit and has been devastated by this. I’m not sure who was more upset about this result when we were watching it last night – the Americans, who will someday have to go home, or the Europeans and English experiencing the double shock of this after Brexit, and will be so affected by Trump’s threatened withdrawal from NATO. Everyone around me today is bleary-eyed and just so upset and shocked. My friends back home in Australia are similarly shocked. What the hell happened? And where do the Democrats go from here?

    Also – just think about how Obama feels right now. Ugh.

    • Eenie

      I have friends on work assignment in London. They don’t know if they should extend it past 2017 or not.

      • Em

        There are Americans here talking about extending their studies so they don’t have to return anytime soon. The UK is not a perfect place by any means right now, and Brexit will almost certainly have a much more permanent effect on their society than this, but it’s at least being led by career politicians who behave in a somewhat rational way (according to their own rationality) and aren’t characterised by the sorts of judgment issues that Trump is.

        Also – to those of you who fought for Hillary, the world had your backs. We were so excited to see her elected – the triumph of a qualified woman, who always did the work, and her organised and sensible and data-driven campaign, over a disaster of a human being and his sorry excuse for an organisation. I’m so sorry you’ve been failed by those around you, and we hurt for you so badly right now. I know multiple non-Americans (myself included) who have been reduced to tears by all of this.

    • Charley

      We’re a UK (me)/US (him) couple living in the UK and are experiencing the same shock. We were planning on moving back to the US once my partner’s fellowship is over in 10 months time… but now I just don’t know what we’re going to do. The Brexit/Trump combination has just left me reeling. I feel hollow.

      • EF

        I’m US, he’s UK, we’re in london. i’ll be eligible for citizenship in under 3 years; the plan was always to split time between the UK, USA (well, just massachusetts), and france. Brexit fucked up part of that — but it’s still wait and see on that. And now trump? my partner has a genetic condition that means he needs medication worth about $30K each month. they want to repeal obamacare. we cannot go to the usa. losing options and your country is *hard.*

        • Eenie

          Yes. This. I’m so sorry. I’m glad you have options.

  • Jess

    My whole life, since learning about it in school, I have wondered how people could have gotten to the point of Nazi Germany. I remember sitting in class wondering how people could turn on their fellow man, wondering how people could support that much hate.

    I asked myself if I could be the kind of person who hid friends and neighbors, getting them safely away, rather than report them out of fear for my own safety.

    This is how. The fear of losing a way of life based on privilege and the rhetoric of “telling it like it is” is how.

    And I spoke against it too softly.

    I don’t think I can be satisfied knowing that about myself. I need to do more in the face of this than I have done.

    • Amanda

      This. Your words are exactly what I have thought too. And you make me realize just how complicit I have been. I barely spoke and now here we are.

    • Danielle

      I am Jewish. I learned about the Holocaust in Hebrew school as a child, and we learned, “Never Again.” And it was awful to learn what happened, but it did seem so long ago, that it could never happen again – right?

      And today, 30 years later, I don’t believe that anymore. It could happen again, here in this country, and I’m so scared for my fellow Americans, and so sad for us. I feel betrayed and aching. I thought we were past this, and I was totally wrong.

    • I’m Jewish also and have been thinking the same thing. Will I be brave enough to help my Muslim neighbors at my own peril, or even if I just think it will threaten my livelihood? Am I willing to risk leaving my children motherless or put them in harms way to do the right thing?

      And when the Muslims are gone and the Mexicans are gone and the economy is still broken, I wonder, will they turn on the Jews next?

  • Cbrown

    American living in Scotland and am just reeling today. I teach politics and my 9am tutorial consisted of my students sitting there in shock and horror. Brexit was bad enough but now this.

    • saywhatnow

      This is so much worse.

    • Alice

      Another American in Scotland here. We stayed up and watched the results coming in at four, five, and six in the morning. I’ve spent the last year apologizing to strangers for our election, which inevitably comes up when people hear my accent, and now I don’t even know what I’ll say. It feels so raw.

      • Cbrown

        I know. i’m dreading teaching tonight as I’ve got a more vocal bunch. But I don’t think we should apologize. People keep giving me condolences and hugs which is weird.

        • LadyMe

          When Brexit happened, internet forums were filled with condolences and virtual hugs for stunned Brits. They’re just returning the favor.

    • Dess

      Another American in Scotland, appalled and grieving. I had no words today when my Scottish colleagues brought it up. I can’t even organize my thoughts enough yet to articulate them. We have to be better than this, America. We just have to be.

  • Amy March

    I feel so hated as a woman right now.

    • LizGB

      I do too, but I also feel betrayed by my fellow white women. More white women voted for Trump than Clinton. How could they do this?? How COULD they???

      It makes me feel so defeated. I feel so much more anger towards these women than any kind of unity or sympathy. More anger than towards the men who voted Trump. I honestly don’t even know what to do with all these feelings of hurt and betrayal.

      • Teresa

        Yes. How could they, indeed? WHAT THE HELL?

        • LadyMe

          Female equality means losing female entitlement to male protection. Many conservative females would prefer entitlement to protection.

          Many women are primed to see other females as competition and dislike other women accordingly.

          Many of them saw globalization, taxes, defeating obamacare, and the supreme court as more important than Trump’s misogyny and everything else.

          • BD

            That was an eye-opener for me – the fact that many women don’t want to come down from that pedestal. A depressing eye-opener, for sure. I guess I’d been willingly fooling myself.

          • Danielle

            And what f***ing pedestal is that? A pedestal on which they can be raped, denied access to abortion, be cheated on?

            I am so full of rage right now. I thought we were moving forward; I was wrong.

          • JSK

            I don’t get it either, but I think you’re underestimating the polarity of the abortion issue. I had many women on my FB feed say that they could not vote for HRC due to her stance on abortion, despite not liking DJT as a person/candidate.

            I’d sure hoped we were beyond that discussion by now (i’m very very pro choice* and pro Ab* access for all) but clearly that was a mistaken thought on my part. I had a life-saving AB and want that option for all women at all hospitals/care centers.

            *yes I’m terrified to type the full word.

          • AGCourtney

            This. I know so many people who vote on that one issue alone.

          • Lisa

            I saw at least one person on Facebook say that the ONLY reason he voted for DJT was because HRC didn’t “fully condemn” late-term abortion at the debate. My mother is also a one issue voter, and I’m betting she cast her ballot for Trump for the same reason.

          • Lawyerette510

            Right, and the whole anti-choice stance is rooted in misogyny and a twisting of the issue by republicans who decided in the 70’s to work with christian religious leaders to make something that previously had not been an issue, an issue. Agghhhhhhh!!!!!!!

          • flashphase

            yup! that’s how you get people to vote against their own economic interests.

            for more:
            https://www.amazon.com/dp/B003J4VEM2/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

          • Anon

            That was definitely a big part of it in my Religiously conservative hometown. Voting “pro-life” has been so indoctrinated in my mom’s and her peers’ minds that they think that the “pro-life” candidate is their only moral option. It’s so disgusting how absolutely not pro-life DT is, and Hillary actually has done something for women facing unwanted pregnancies, but they can’t see it.

          • Danielle

            Is that really it? Is that what it is?

            (I just literally do not know.)

          • anon

            That’s the nature of the Pedestal though, isn’t it? You step outside of that tiny space, and you deserve whatever bad crap (rape, being cheated on, unwanted pregnancy, being seen as an uppity Bitch like Hillary) happens to you. Straight up fear is what it’s based on.

          • Danielle

            That’s awful. Straight-up “Mad Men” awful. Victorian-era awful.

            I can’t believe the 1950s and 1800s are the most apt comparisons right now, but here we are. Faulkner said, “The past is never dead. It’s not even past.” And I’ve never felt it so strongly before, as I do right now.

          • joanna b.n.

            I was in a good flow of watching Mad Men recently. I think that’s gonna have to be on hold for a bit. Back to Glee…

          • Lisa

            I’m finding The West Wing soothing. I’m practicing escapism and pretending I live in that alternate universe today.

          • LadyMe
          • Danielle

            Personally I’ve been enjoying “Downton Abbey” the last few weeks. Let’s see if it holds up now. In general I find the British accents soothing, and they handle conflict so… politely.

          • Eenie

            Pre election I was watching west wing. Not sure if that would be helpful or not now.

          • Danielle

            You can try it, and see how it works.

            I fully support escapism via alternative stories right now <3

          • joanna b.n.

            What’s scary about that is that people put their own economic interests above the rights and dignity of others. Capitalism, indeed.

      • saywhatnow

        They voted for white privilege over equality for women – or any other group. As for the disenfranchised groups (blacks, Latinx, etc) who voted for this… I admit I’m in my own bubble, bc I truly don’t understand the short-sightedness and tone-deafness of such a vote. Trump and the republicans will not support them -it seems so blindingly clear.

        I must be blind myself, because I just. don’t. get. it.

    • AP

      Yesterday I got a call from the law firm handling our home loan closing. The woman on the phone said, “Sweetie, I just need to know, what *is* your last name?”

      Um, the name I wrote and signed over and over and over on every page of our application?

      “Oh, so the bank was right, it *is* different from your husband’s?”

      Yes. Yes the name I put on my application is my actual name. No I’m not mistaken about my name, so dumb I forgot that I was married.

      I hung up the phone and immediately got up from my desk to go vote. I got chills and thought of that woman on the phone as I cast my vote for a woman for president, and then I went and bought a bottle of champagne to drink from my HRC flute in celebration after the election.

      It’s still in my fridge, unopened.

      I feel sick today.

      • Lisa

        I couldn’t bring myself to take the bottle out of the fridge this morning. That feels like the last step of acceptance.

        • Trinity

          Same.

      • Meghan

        Ours was a bottle of fancy beer, but same. I don’t want to take it out, but I can’t see us drinking it either. I’m seriously considering leaving it there as a weird talisman. A reminder to work harder, be better, and hope that there will be something to celebrate soon.

      • Rebekah

        My HRC shot glasses arrived yesterday. They’re currently still in the box, unopened. Fuck.

        • PAJane aka Awesome Tits

          I dunno, I think it’s an excellent time to break those out.

      • Alanna Cartier

        Today, I am so so so happy I’ve chosen to keep my name after my wedding. It feels like a radical act somehow.

        • JC

          I appreciate hearing this. I’ve always been ambivalent about changing my name, but now that you say this, I might just keep it as one more thorn in the side of patriarchy.

          • Alanna Cartier

            Exactly. I’m also walking myself down the aisle (no man is giving me away), got rid of any and all patriarchal bullcrap from the ceremony,

            If people thought I was an obnoxiously vocal feminist before they are about to be sorely mistaken.

          • Lisa

            I kept my name as well, and I keep fighting the fight. I was at two weddings recently, and people kept asking me, “Oh, you kept your name, right?” And I had to trot out the phrase that I hadn’t used in over a year, “We both kept our names.”

            By the end of the first wedding my one friend commented that I must have practiced and be saying it a lot. I told her that I hadn’t used it in over 12 months. Weddings bring out weirdness in people.

            Additionally if you decide not to change, tell EVERY vendor with whom you work about it. We got “surprised” at our reception with menus that had “Mr. & Mrs. HisLast” all over them, and our DOC announced us as the same because he’d seen them right beforehand.

          • Alanna Cartier

            Noted. I think all my vendors know and none of them will be doing any announcing. I printed all the day-of materials myself.

          • Lisa

            Yeah, I didn’t even think to tell anyone but our officiant because I didn’t think anyone else would do things with our names on them. That’s why I cautioned about the reception venue; it seems something small, but they could easily have put up a big sign with the “HisLast Wedding” on it or something, which totally erases my identity.

        • LadyMe

          Word. I kept my name when we got married 3ish weeks ago. I tell people he didn’t take my name. It’s my little resistance.

      • anachronismsarah

        Yup. Ours was bubbly Rosé. It’ll stay there for a while, because I don’t know what to celebrate.

    • Emily

      I have never felt this way. Like a minority. My white privilege shielded me from that. But that ended at the hands of other white women. I can’t stop crying.

      • Rebekah

        Yep. And if we feel this way, imagine how much worse they must feel? What a horrible reality I’ve been sheltered from.

    • Alanna Cartier

      I woke up this morning feeling a lot less human than I did yesterday.

  • Inmara

    I’m from a small country in Northeastern Europe which was failed by big and powerful countries during WWII and left to be devoured by Soviet Union. Now I’m terrified, as are many in my country, by prospects of weakening of NATO and ever-looming threat of our neighbor Russia, which now will have an ally in the White House. Some say that POTUS is not a dictator and there are many restraints and procedures in place to diminish possibility for one person to make decisions that could affect all the nation and stance of US in international matters but I’m not so good in understanding your government structure, so feel free to comment why it is or isn’t something to rely on.

    • Eenie

      We have three branches which are composed of the president (and his cabinet and secretaries appointed by him/her[wishful thinking]), representatives from each state in the House and Senate (both controlled by Trump’s party), and the court system – the highest of which has had a vacancy since this spring, the longest vacancy ever, because the Senate would not hold any hearings to replace a judge that passed away. In theory this provides checks and balances. With all three of the branches approved of or belonging to the same party, as long as they all agree on something it will most likely pass. There have been in the past issues on which the entire party didn’t agree, and a lot of the Senators and Representatives came out against Trump publicly.
      (Super simplified version of American government on a national level – similar set ups exist in each state as well.)

      In the end though, the president does control a lot of diplomatic relations. It’ll be interesting /terrifying / unknown what really will happen in the next four years.

      I hope that helps, but I know it doesn’t.

      • Jess

        This is a very good explanation of a very terrifying reality.

  • Ant

    As a European I am thoroughly disgusted and frightened – of how this presidency will affect the rest of the world and also of how this event possibly foreshadows what is still to come in other countries. Where does all this fear and hate come from? It seems to be everywhere.

  • Liz

    I am terrified that we just sent Mike Pence to the White House as VP. I’m terrified by his beliefs and the policies he’s put in place in Indiana. I’m terrified for my friends, family, neighbors, etc. who are facing prospective legal discrimination and the loss of equal rights so recently won. As a woman, I’m terrified by how little women and respected/valued in our society in general and what that means for our future. We hoped to have kids in the future. I’m so afraid that something horrible might happen and we won’t be allowed to make our own medical decisions.

    • Alli

      Ugh, my (probably) well meaning friend said “well Trump is probably going to get indicted anyway so he won’t even end up running the country, Pence will.” AS IF THAT’S BETTER. Here’s a man who is a part of Trump’s platform of hate and he has experience getting things done. AWESOME.

      • Liz

        Definitely not a comforting thought. There will be real and tangible consequences to policy changes that they will make.

      • Eenie

        Pence a heart beat from the presidency. That in and of itself is a terrifying thought.

    • annea

      I am distraught about Trump, but he is dysfunctional and more a symbol of all the shitty things he stands for. I’m more terrified of the team he is bringing with him for those reasons.

      • Liz

        Yes, absolutely.

    • toomanybooks

      Same. I’m even more scared of Pence, kind of.

      • StevenPortland

        Especially since some pundits think Pres. Trump will turn over a lot of the work to Pence, similar to VP Cheney had an unusually large role under Pres Bush.

  • Jessica

    I just cannot believe misogyny is this baked into our culture. And I’m terrified we’ll be set back 2 decades in health care reform. Not to mention my Muslim husband and hypothetical Muslim babies.

  • Green

    I look at the map – a sea of red, and feel like I’ve never felt so alienated from the rest of our country than this moment.

  • LadyMe

    Fuck everything. I’m sad, I’m angry, I want to cry, I want to go punch a hole in the wall. I’m an engineer. My sister was finding me jobs in Australia. But the people who are in more danger than I am don’t have that option. I need to stay. I need to join every activist group I can find. I didn’t get a chance to join Occupy. I wasn’t in a city with large Black Lives Matter gatherings. But I am going to go join the League of Women Voters. I will find immigration support groups or something. I am angry, I am mad, I am channeling Samantha Bee, internally screaming, and I need to do something to protect people.

    • Alli

      My fiance and I immediately tried to figure out how to move to Nepal for a couple years since the cost of living is so low. And then we stopped and thought about how we should stay and fight, we just don’t know which fight will be the most pertinent, which horrible thing he’s going to enact first.

      There is so much sadness and anger in me at the same time and I don’t know how to get it out in a useful way.

      • LadyMe

        Watch Obamacare, watch climate change, watch Paul Ryan trying to destroy the welfare safety net. It’s possible that they’ll immediately yank the deferred action for immigration immediately, but Trump’s supporters on TV more routinely cite Obamacare and taxes as their top issues, and nearly all repubs are on board the anti-Obamacare train regardless of their feelings for Trump, and Ryan has been stumping for his screw the poor program this whole election, so I think those will be the first 2 areas to watch for. Supreme Court nominations we have no power over really.

    • Kaitlyn

      That’s how I feel. We all said we were going to Canada last night, but now that it’s the morning, we know we need to stay to protect others.

    • Sarah E

      100%. Those who most need safe haven aren’t going to have the opportunity to go abroad. My life needs to become more radicalized to protect those folks, and I’m scared (which pales in comparison to their fear) and unsure I’m up to the task. But I must.

    • PAJane aka Awesome Tits

      People are already talking about (joking about?) moving to Canada. NOPE. I bought a house here. I live here. This is my fucking country, too, and I’m not leaving. I will stand my ground and do what I can to steer her back in the right direction. I will stay because I’m one of the white women who didn’t vote for the orange bloviator, and I need to throw whatever privilege I have between our incoming government and the people they’re preparing to trample.

    • Lawyerette510

      Yes yes yes! This is the time to get mad, and get focused and get mobilized. Especially for those of us with privilege. We fix this by taking a page out of the playbook of all the assholes who were mad about Obama winning. They didn’t pack up and leave, no they stayed and the doubled-down, and we ended up with the tea party and now Trump. So, once we have collected ourselves enough*, we need to get our asses in gear to continue the work of breaking down our racist and misogynist system, not opt out of it.

      *I’m not going to judge anyone who needs to take time to process their feelings, mourn, lament, etc. There needs to be space for that, but once that is done, we make things better by doing the work, not opting out.

      • LadyMe

        Mad, focused, and mobilizing reporting for duty!

        I do think that while we need to match the Tea Party’s enthusiasm, we need to avoid mirroring their stances. They were unreasonable and helped create this giant gaping chasm between sides. Centrist, moderate democrats who are also woke need to make sure that in our opposition we stand up for what is right and what is needed but that we don’t go too far.

  • Lisa

    I am so, so upset. Yesterday, I was elated to vote. I made an election cake, fully expecting to enjoy it while toasting with champagne in my HRC glasses. When I left my retail job at 10, I called my husband, who was supposed to be applying the glaze and moving the cake to its plate before we went to an election party. He apologized profusely and told me that it had collapsed the minute he tried to switch it from the baking rack to the cake plate.

    It felt like a bad omen, and now I feel like my crumpled cake. So much love and time went into it, and it was full of promise. There it is, broken to pieces. The individual crumbs taste good, but it can’t be whole again.

  • Lisa

    Also, my husband and I have been kicking around the idea of moving abroad for over a year now. The election results are pushing us more toward that option now. If anyone has any advice about expatriating to Europe (specifically Germany), I’d love to hear what you have to say.

    • LadyMe

      My uncle lives in Germany right now, has for decades. He managed to get a work visa after 10 years on a student visa getting his PhD. He’s afraid to leave the country a lot in case they don’t allow him back in. He says the refugee thing is making them wary of giving a lot of jobs to non German citizens.

    • Anne

      If you’re not married to a citizen, or hired by a company willing to sponsor a work visa, it’s really, really hard. Pretty much the same as the US. We’re in London this year for me to do dissertation research, but my husband has dual US/UK citizenship, so it was relatively easy (though extraordinarily expensive) for me to get a spouse visa. I can’t imagine trying to do it without that, though. Our other option for me was a researcher visa, which is a specialized type of work visa that allows you to live here for a year without employment rights. It would have been cheaper, but also required university affiliation, and so ultimately the spouse visa was far less complicated.

    • Perhaps studying abroad might be an easier route. Or some sort of volunteering thing or young adult exchange program. But in my experience (with Canada), the process of immigration, work visas, residency, etc., is a long, hard, thorough process. I agree with Anne that it’s hard unless you have a company sponsoring you (or you are married to a citizen and immigrate as a spouse). Maybe studying abroad for a shorter time (6 months or whatever would be on a visitor visa) could be a simpler route to live abroad?

    • Dess

      Do either of you have EU citizenship? Because that makes a big difference. Otherwise, the field you’re in will have a really big impact on the process.
      My Guy and I moved from the States to Austria last Christmas (now we’re in Scotland,) so I’m speaking from that experience, and those of folks I met there.

      • Lisa

        No, we don’t. My husband is getting his terminal degree in classical music, and there are significantly more opportunities abroad than in the US, which is why we originally started discussing Germany. Most of my work experience is in the administration side of academia, but I have some experience with data systems and design work.

    • EF

      expat here. it is a LOT harder to move abroad, specifically to europe, than most americans seem to think. basically the only routes are a) being married to a citizen or b) working for a large, multi-national that transfers you to the country.

  • annea

    I have been crying – a lot.

    If I hadn’t just started a Phd, we’d consider moving internationally.
    But how much assumed privilege is laden in that thought when millions of people are refugees right now, and as “Americans” we just suppose we’d find a place to live. That international privilege will soon be lost.

    So I guess right now, I’m wondering: How will I do my best to make sure I stay on the right side of history? Where can my actions be most useful? Volunteering somewhere to help break down the clear cultural barriers that exist in this country? Going to my local town meetings and being as involved in politics as possible? Writing Hillary a thank you letter for all that she has fought for? I need something to hold on to.

    • LadyMe

      If you read James Fallows on The Atlantic, there is a hope more hope on the local level right now. Go to every town meeting. Support investment in your community. Support investing in the most disadvantaged members of your community. Help resist redistricting that will increase republicans’ stranglehold. Support english classes, legal support, support community centers and the ymca and after school programs. Support job training, foster kids, support social workers, help out people on welfare. Hillary did the grind, did the long hard slog work. We have to do that too. Progress comes from incrementalism and building grassroots.

  • n

    I think my biggest fears are less about what Trump will do (I like to think our government is designed to withstand this presidency, and hope that it works), and more about how he’s legitimized hatred and discrimination. if America’s president can speak so openly of hatred, why would anyone else hesitate.

    • Heather

      Yes, this. I have a lot of fear just existing in the world as a woman. Now the person voted to hold the most powerful position in the US is openly condoning discrimination and misogyny. I can’t even imagine the terror that POC and members of the LGBTQ community feel. I feel sick, but I will stand.

      • Alyssa

        Yes — I was explaining this exact thing to my fiancee last night and this morning. I’ve never felt as vulnerable and unsafe in my own area. I’m also completely flabbergasted — I really thought my values were not unreasonable (women’s, LGBTQ, reproductive and rights for non-white citizens for starters), but seeing the election results my only thought is “Wow. It seems my values really ARE that different from the American public (or so it seems).” It’s hard to fathom.

    • Gaby

      Yes, I agree. I think anything he does can be undone, but the amount of open discrimination that has already occurred still makes the next four years feel so bleak and scary.

    • joanna b.n.

      Sigh. What an awful day. Have I ever lived through another more awful, hope-stealing day? I don’t think so. I’m sorry. Had to get the despondence out.

      1) I have already heard 4 or 5 stories of (female/black/brown) people being openly cat-called/hate speeched by strangers today. Today. It’s only 3pm. That is freaking scary.

      2) I am immobilized (momentarily), because I also feel the hate rising up in me – at the people who are celebrating this win and either don’t or won’t face the fact that they enabled a racist, hate filled person to have MORE power. And I know that hate doesn’t trump hate, but right now, it’s all I can do not to follow along, to jeer those who disagree with me, lash out at those who are oppressing others, but I don’t know what other options there are. Except to maybe just drink heavily (and smoke weed, apparently) for 4 years. Anger comes from fear and sadness and frustration. And it’s all I have right now.

  • Jenna

    I no longer consider myself American.

  • Whitney S.

    I’m sad and filled with anxiety. Heart-broken. But I’m also really f-ing pissed at myself. We expected love, respect, and understanding to win while patting our relatives, friends and acquaintances on the head for their ignorance when using dog whistle bigotry. It would all come out in the wash, right?

    We were dangerously wrong. And folks tried to tell us, especially POC. We believed them, but didn’t grasp the gravity. And I am SO. F’IN. SORRY. So we screwed up. But now it’s time to circle the wagons and help protect the targeted and marginalized. To help lance the festering wound.

  • louise danger

    I’ve been trying so hard to find some bright spot this morning, and I’m clinging to two things:

    – Nevada elected the first-ever Latina US Senator!
    – Arpaio got booted from the sheriff’s office.

    Other than that I’ve basically been having a varying-intensity panic attack since about 3am ET, so I have not really too much else to say that hasn’t been said.

    I haven’t felt this afraid of national current events since my freshman year of high school, when Sept 11 happened.

    • Ashlah

      I hadn’t heard about Arpaio, that’s a small light in a horribly dark day. In Oregon, we elected the first openly LGBT gubernatorial candidate, so that’s wonderful.

      But I’m having a hard time feeling good about anything. I would be thrilled about all these small wins, if I weren’t feeling so discouraged overall.

    • CA also got it’s first Black female Senator, Kamala Harris.

      • Lisa

        There’s also Ilhan Omar, who is the first Somali-American legislator and an observant Muslim, in the Minnesota House.

      • Lawyerette510

        I am so excited for Kamala Harris to be my senator. I’m a huge fan of hers, and have been for the decade I’ve lived out here.

    • Arpaio finally finally finally getting the boot was my only bright spot this morning. He’s been sheriff of Maricopa County for as long as I can remember, and I am so so glad that my hometown finally did the right thing. It’s a very small comfort in the midst of mourning

    • Gaby

      I am taking a tiny bit of pride in Nevada for voting very liberal and voting yes on so many good measures. I was happily surprised and not expecting it at all.

    • joanna b.n.

      The minimum wage got voted in in four states and multiple cities!!!!

  • Kaitlyn

    My entire family supported Trump. I joked last night with my fiance that we’ll save money for the wedding by not inviting everyone who voted Trump and we realized that would leave me with two cousins to invite.

    I’ve done my best over the last year not to engage in any political discussion with my family for my sanity’s sake and just hoped they’d eventually see the light. I’m seeing my immediate family this weekend and I’m so furious with them for supporting Trump that I’m not sure I’m going to make it through my niece’s birthday party without losing it.

    I’m trying to be optimistic and hope it won’t be as bad as we all fear, but I’m also terrified.

    • Sarah

      this. when I believe Trump would NEVER win it was easier to put these family members/friends out of mind. I don’t’ think any of my people will gloat or are excited about Trump per se but I can’t talk to them now, probably not for awhile.

      • Max

        Agreed so much. I’ve been trying not to think this morning about thanksgiving with my partners parents, both of whom call HRC “that women” or “evil women” but I just don’t know how I am going to make it through the weekend with out, minimum crying, or worse, exploding in frustration at them. I don’t want to anger or alienate the future grandparents of my child but I also feel so trapped and scared about the future of our world, by this new leader that has been very much chosen without my consent.

        • Jess

          I am so grateful my family isn’t having Thanksgiving this year, because last year I barely managed to tell my fucking rich uncle that, in fact, most refugees are not planning on killing all white people without flipping the table over.

          This year, I could not tolerate being in the same room as him.

        • Kaitlyn

          I feel like I’m going to explode even if one thing is brought up. My older brother is a Trump supporter and has three daughters, 7 and under. I just want to scream at him, “How could you do this to them?!”. It’s irresponsible, it’s cruel, it’s just so awful I can’t even comprehend how they could have done this. It’s my older niece’s birthday celebration this weekend and I’m seriously contemplating not going.

          The only bright side is not one person in my family has posted anything on Facebook or Instagram like, “We won” etc. I wonder if it’s cuz they don’t want to bother or if it’s because they realized the enormity of what they’ve done (thought I doubt this).

        • Abbey

          Yes, I’m really struggling in thinking about Thanksgiving with my husband’s extended family, most of whom voted for Trump. They are all fueled by mega HRC hatred, and it just feels so personal. By voting for him it feels like they’re saying, “I hate you as a woman. I hate your disabled sister in law. I hate your gay friends,” and I just don’t know how I can manage to be in a room with them for two days, knowing that they supported someone with such complete hatred in his heart.

    • PAJane aka Awesome Tits

      Yeah, if politics come up at holiday parties at all, it’s gonna be bad. I’ve been practicing what to say to shut the conversation down quickly and honestly, but I can’t even say it to myself without saying something I would regret later.

    • Brooke

      I haven’t even thought about talking to my parents about the election today. Is that sad? One of my brothers texted me this morning, expressing his disappointment in the result. I’m scared to think that my parents (who have 2 daughters, as well 2 sons-in-law – both of whom are people of color, one of whom is an immigrant) voted for Trump. I figure ignorance is bliss in this scenario.

      • Kaitlyn

        I actually haven’t heard from any of my family members, which I think is odd. No one’s posted on social media about Trump winning and I was fully expecting some gloating posts. My youngest brother is 13 and is a huge Trump fan (influence from grandparents and adult brothers), had been all over social media about it, and not a peep from him. I wonder if they’re all shocked too, like they realize what the consequences actually are. Though I think the more realistic reason is that my mom intervened and told them all to leave me alone *insert eyeroll emoji*

    • Lauren

      I’m in this same boat- I’ve been fighting with my mom all day via text message because she actually voted for Trump, and my fiancé’s Latinx family and mine were supposed to have thanksgiving together this year, and I don’t know how I’m going to get through it. My fiancé and I have talked about cancelling but I don’t know if that would even work, my mom and stepdad are flying in from Texas. Ugh. And yeah, how do we invite people to our queer wedding when they voted for a VP that believes you can electrocute the gay out of someone?!

    • anon

      Oh man – my father-in-law is definitely on the Trump Train, though his wife and daughters aren’t. They’re all really big into debating too – he’s a lawyer and very vocal and one of his daughters is also a very vocal lawyer. It’s our turn to join their side of the family for Thanksgiving this year and I’m really really REALLY not looking forward to it, if only because I just don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to hear all the logically laid out reasons why Trump was the best choice.

      (At least I know my sister-in-law will give him hell, but it’s still gonna be tense.)

      • Amy March

        You’re hosting? You set the rules. And “no debating politics at the dinner table” is a perfectly reasonable.

        • anon

          My comment makes it kinda sound like we’re hosting, but unfortunately no :( I will be stuck in their territory. I may just magically disappear at certain moments (and make sure my wine glass is full, though maybe that’s not so wise).

    • Eenie

      Solidarity – visit from my in laws this weekend. We were dreading it because of the opposite happening. I didn’t even think about this possibility.

  • My first & most dominate thought has been “how can I protect my baby girl?”

    *warning – I’m about to get real honest here*

    I blame White folks, specifically White women. After all the articles and news stories about how White women were turned off by Trump, the majority of White women DID vote for him. How did Hillary lose the group that most closely identifies with her? Clearly folks outright lied to pollsters and decided to side with White supremacy and fascism when they cast their ballots.

    Frankly, this election was always a reaction to the fact that Americans made a Black man their president. Last night showed me just how many people were angry about that, and how they need to keep White supremacy. The idea that Whiteness should and always will be the top of the hierarchy in this country, with White men at the apex, won yesterday. It was a statement that even the lowest White man and woman is and should always be better than any Black, Latinx, Asian, American Indian, LGBT, Muslim and we better not stray from our place. This morning Attica Locke said “Black folks didn’t underperform, White racists overperformed” and she was absolutely right. We’ve just given cover for folks to bring their racism out of the shadows.

    I went to bed in 2016 and woke up in 1956.

    • Kyra

      Loved Attica on NPR this morning! She articulated everything I was feeling. The “blame low turnout of black voters” rhetoric is strong today and 1) is wrong and 2) completely misses the point.

    • Laurel

      I think Attica Locke also made a valid and important/critical point in response to David Greene’s comment that not all Trump voters are racist. She essentially stated that she wasn’t accepting that statement; in fact, a vote in that direction was a vote for the rhetoric and sentiment espoused by the candidate and, therefore, was a direct vote in favor of racist, sexist, homophobic, discriminatory, exclusive language/a world view/an approach to leadership. So yes, white racists overperformed even if they are not self identifying in this manner. And that is a truth that Americans need to face head on.

      • Jenny

        Agreed. People decided that something else (be it ‘change,’ ‘lower taxes,’ or ‘trade’) was more important than their fellow human beings’ civil rights and liberties. It’s racist. It’s sexist. It just is.

    • Danielle

      I am so disappointed by my fellow/sister white people. This could be the 1950s, or the 1850s, or even the f***ing Crusades, with some of the rhetoric going around.

      I feel betrayed and like I underestimated racism to my/our detriment.

    • Gina

      That was my immediate thought about my baby girl as a white woman, so I can’t imagine how you feel as a black woman. I’m sorry.

    • Jessica

      Yes. Jaressa, one of the first things I thought about this morning was your sweet baby girl actually. And how sad this is for our daughters and women. And YES re: white women. the takeaway I have from this election is that misogyny is so baked into our culture that white women actively participate in it without realizing the irony. I’m a white woman (for Hillary obvs) but I think (some) white women fail to think about things objectively. Which, to end on a positive note, is why I love APW for encouraging critical thinking and meaningful ways to fight against misogyny.

      • Thank you for thinking of us – my only priority is keeping her safe in this world that has now made open racism a thing again.

        I think a lot of White women have decided that they’d rather be #2 in that hierarchy of people, and that’s better than being a minority/LGBT/Muslim/etc. They traded oppression from White men above them for the privilege of oppressing everyone else below them and being “better”. As a Black woman, I’ll never know or experience that kind of privilege but it must be nice.

        • Some. But a lot of white women don’t feel that way. Please don’t discount us as all. That separates us further. We have to come together. That is the only way to survive this.

          I understand and accept your anger. But please know that I feel devastated and disgusted by the stupidity of those women.

          • Alanna Cartier

            Not only that, but for some women, this is their life. Their fathers, and grandfathers and uncles all treat them like hysterical idiots.

            I want a plan, something I can do to enact change. I’m still in brainstorming mode. I’m not fooled though. Although I’m Canadian, I know this sort of nonsense could happen here too. This is not a problem that disappears at the border.

          • whitlizflem

            You are sounding pretty “not all men” with this line.

          • Then you misread me and you don’t know me. I want to hear Jubilance’s perspective. I want to hear that because we need to listen to each other in order to grow. What I didn’t do as a white woman is try to listen to the white women that failed us, frankly because they disgust me. That said, I also want her to know that I am still an ally and will do whatever I can to stay that way. I am simply asking permission to stand beside her with my ears open instead of being grouped in with a bunch of white women that don’t have my values.

        • raccooncity

          You’re completely right. White women, particularly those who didn’t previously identify as democrats (and to an even more egregious extent in my mind, the ones who voted for Jill Stein), voted based on this incredible base of privilege that they don’t understand they have.

          I saw so many white women on my Instagram feed boasting about having voted with #ivoteforlife or equivalent. What deep privilege to be able to laser focus your views on your moral beliefs about what should happen with uteruses in general and not have to consider your own physical safety or that of your spouse, children, etc. So much luxury to be able to say, as i heard someone say in a coffee shop today “It’s a shame – Trume, republican house and senate…They’re probably going to disenfranchise all the black voters completely. That’s not even the worst part, though….” Really? What is worse? (Spoiler, it was that the economic policies aren’t sound.)

          It’s weird up here in Canada because all the conversations are pretty theoretical but the lighthearted “well, that sucked.” attitude of white people seems to hold true here in the same way.

          • Alanna Cartier

            I’m Canadian, and yesterday a colleague told me that if could, she would vote for Jill Stein. I don’t think I’ve ever been so angry. I do not understand why someone would ever cast a vote like that in an election like this. What privilege to prioritize your wants over the basic human rights of other human beings. Especially since, unlike in Canada, there is literally no political advantage to voting third party. At least here, the green party occasionally gets a seat or two and has some political influence.

      • Thank you for saying this. I am a white woman and I am devastated. Crying ugly tears, speechless, where do we go from here, desperate, sobbing. I have a nearly 2 year old daughter. I am thankful that she isn’t so old that I have to explain this to her this morning because I don’t know how to explain it to myself. Please don’t forget that there are white women allies here. That we didn’t want this either.

        All of this strikes me as the gaslighting that we’ve been trained to believe in. We are less than. There were those women drumph supporters that said that they assumed that all men spoke that way, that it’s normal. And I believe them. It is normal for them. The only way out is to show them it isn’t normal.

        • Alanna Cartier

          Your anger at white women is 100% justified. As a Canadian looking on, I’m just shocked and horrified and saddened and a million other things. I do not know how any woman could consider voting for trump, ever. End stop.

          But, what you’ve said here, Sera, reminds me of an episode of Samantha Bee. She asked a young couple whether they thought a woman could be president and the boyfriend immediately said no. The girl looked to him, and then agreed with him. Then she gave some bullcrap reason about women being too emotional. It was heartbreaking. How many times has she heard that, that she believes this nonsense.

          • It’s disgusting. I’ve never understood that sort of behavior. That said, I have had past relationships that I am not proud of. It would be nice to believe that we were all above this. But it’s subconscious in many of us. If we aren’t taught to think critically about this, we become part of the problem.

      • SarahRose472

        Putting this a little more bluntly: education turned out to be for the first time a more significant predictor than gender of whether people voted for Democrats/Republicans, where previously gender had the largest effect.

        Break out white people by education and gender: literally only college educated white women voted net positive for Hillary. Non-college educated white women went for Trump by a ca 25 point margin.

        It makes me wonder whether higher education is the difference that gives women the confidence (experience? community? affirmation?) to say fuck this, he is not normal or acceptable, and we deserve better.

        • My Two Cents

          Fully half the country is poor. Let that sink in.

          The democrats underestimated the level of pain out there.

          • SarahRose472

            I hear this (although your number is wrong, unless your referring to a non-standard definition of poverty — its about 15%; 10 for white people and 25-30 for blacks and hispanics).

            I agree in that I think the economic pain Trump voters perceive is fundamentally connected to why they were interested in electing him: it’s easy for people to be generous (read: not scapegoat marginalized groups) when things are going well, and it’s sadly human nature to look for someone to blame when they are not — even if the scapegoat you land on isn’t really the answer to the problem. In that sense, I do think we really underestimated it.

        • Jessica

          Very interesting, thanks for this comment. For me personally every advancement I’ve made in my education has made me more empowered to ask for more / deserve better.

        • Danielle

          College-educated white men voted for him. Middle-class white people voted for him. We can’t just blame it on education or lack thereof.

          • SarahRose472

            My intention with the comment wasn’t to blame it on education, although I guess maybe it sounded like that because I was pointing out that education is currently the single characteristic most highly correlated with party affiliation, and it used to be gender. Which simply means it explains more than income or gender alone, but of course it’s not deterministic, and those factors also still are highly correlated. My point was really just in highlighting that this was a notable shift — college/no college didn’t use to be as important as it is now. And that it’s relevant to discuss for white women, since white college-educated women were the only subgroup of white people along gender/education that voted majority for Clinton. But even among college-educated white women it was still something like 46% for Trump.

          • Danielle

            Maybe I could have said, “we can’t blame it on uneducated people.” Because college-educated white men voted for him. Middle class whites voted for him.

            There’s this idea that poor, disenfranchised whites gave him the vote. When actually, white people across class and education lines voted for him. Yes, except white college-educated women.

            I fear that focusing on the poor/disenfranchised story ignores the larger story… White people did this. Many different white people! Not just the poor.

          • SarahRose472

            Yes, I see your point and I agree. I also think the focus on the less educated feeds into this narrative of the election as being about poor and disenfranchised people rising up against the uncaring elite (all the people saying, “you need to listen to them/respect their concerns!”), when a huge number of Trump supporters are really neither poor nor disenfranchised. As you say, mostly they are white.

          • Danielle

            I guess I’m just shocked (naively, perhaps) that race is still such a dividing line in America. I am so disturbed and disappointed in my fellow/sister white people.

      • Lawyerette510

        Have you seen this article? https://www.buzzfeed.com/annehelenpetersen/america-hates-women?utm_term=.riejxLA4V#.vsM0EemDy I think it captures what you’re saying about misogyny and white women.

        • Thanks for this. This says what I’ve been thinking all along and what worried me before this even happened. I knew that even if she did win, there would be devastating backlash.

    • Alexa

      I’m pregnant, three days past my due date, and trying hard not to freak out about that same issue. (Since I know, rationally, that freaking out is the opposite of helpful for labor and delivery.)

      I’m white (and shocked/horrified at the voting choices of my fellow white people/women). My husband is Black and our baby will biracial, and I am so many levels of extra-terrified on their behalf. My husband’s comment was that hopefully the Trump presidency itself will only be four years of our child’s life, but all of these people who decided to vote for him will still be here and yes, have now effectively been told that their racism is A-Okay.

      • Liz

        I’m so sorry that our country has let you, your family, and your child down. I know it’s little consolation, but I’m sending you positive thoughts/energy for a calm and safe delivery that happens according to your birth plan.

    • toomanybooks

      I’m very disappointed in white people too.

    • Natasha Romanova

      You’re not wrong to be disappointed. I am a white woman who voted for Hillary, but I am disgusted by how many women I know personally who voted for Trump (at last count, 10). I don’t know what to do, or how to help. Im terrified not just for myself but more so for women (and people) of color, for the LGBTQ+ community, for America.

    • Louise

      I am so sorry. I have been holding back tears all day (because I am a teacher, and it would have been inappropriate), and this is exactly why. I am devastated and ashamed.

  • ItsyBit

    I’m feeling the same heart-broken fear and disgust that so many here have mentioned coupled with a deep well of anger for the people who are trying to reassure me. I realize that probably sounds misdirected, and maybe it is a little bit, but when I hear people giving platitudes and “just be kind to each other” or “it won’t be that bad” bullshit, I just… do you not know any queer people? Any people of color? Do you not care about me as a woman? DO YOU NOT SEE WHAT’S HAPPENING??

    I appreciate the people in this space (and in Pantsuit Nation) doing there best to keep us afloat with hope and motivation. The people who I’m most angry at are the ones who don’t seem to grasp the gravity of this. And frankly, I’m having a really hard time feeling positive at all.

    • LadyMe

      When Brexit happened there was a comment about how if you’ve woken up feeling like a stranger in your own country, realize that’s how the other side has felt for years. Which is interesting to think about. Doesn’t decrease my anger. But is interesting.

      • anon

        Ya know, I mentioned to my mother this morning, “I think I understand how the ultra Conservatives felt when Obama won the first time”. I work in a conservative industry, and my coworkers were literally terrified of what Obama would do, and were depressed and anxious for weeks.

        Not saying that that makes any of this better. But yeah.

        • Alyssa

          Yes, I was thinking this same thing this morning. It doesn’t make it better, but it does give me some empathy for the other side and hope that we can persevere through this.

      • guest

        The difference is that they felt terror because the color of Obama’s skin. We feel terror for the weak and vulnerable among us. Let’s not pretend it is the same. I’m from the Midwest, I spent too much time sympathizing with and not speaking out around Trump supporters. I’m done pretending this is something it isn’t.

        • LadyMe

          It’s not the same. But there are different ways of speaking out and some will be more successful for our causes than others. We need to get into their heads to figure out how to win.

    • Lawyerette510

      It’s totally ok to not feel positive at all. There is so much to be angry and sad about. And for everyone saying “just be kind” where the f were they the past year? I’m sad, and angry, and scared, and I’m not worried about being nice or kind, because you know who gets told to be nice and kind? everyone except for straight, cis, white, able-bodied, christian (or so in background) men, that’s who. And you know why we all get told that? because it’s really hard to dismantle racist and misogynist power structures if you’re being kind, nice, and polite.

  • Jessa

    As a Canadian, I am appalled. What happened? How could so many Americans buy into his sexist and racist lies-presented-as-fact hate speech? My heart is broken but my house is open to any who want to come up North.

    Also – Danielle Moodie-Mills on CBC new commentary won the election coverage last night for many of us here following on CBC (our national news network) by calling the election “White Supremacy’s Last Stand”: https://www.buzzfeed.com/ishmaeldaro/us-election-white-supremacy-last-stand?utm_term=.pkN40x407#.eyDd1kd1E

    • Cdn icecube

      Her thoughts on everything that was happening were on point.

    • raccooncity

      Well done. I also am very much anticipating Desmond Cole’s thoughts in the Toronto Star tomorrow. He’s one of my favourite Canadian commentators at the moment.

      • Alanna Cartier

        True. I would love to hear his thoughts.

  • Amy March

    And what I am really not here for today is peppy lectures about how we need to get right on winning local elections and talking to people and changing things and fixing polling errors and there’s no time for sadness.

    No. There is a time to mourn and I am taking that time.

    • ItsyBit

      THANK YOU.

    • LadyMe

      Fuck peppy.

    • Ashlah

      Yes, thank you. I am not ready to be okay.

    • Emily C

      Agreed! A co-worker said we all just needed to get over it and accept that he’s president, but I’m not ready for that! What I really want to do is curl up on the couch with our kitties and some mindless television!

    • Jessica

      I had on my to-do list today to set up my Give to the Max Day giving. I’m giving money to Planned Parenthood and Habitat for Humanity (like always), but will be researching immigrant support groups and educational funds. I want to help my community prepare for the long fight.

      I’m so, so tired. We’ve been fighting for years. We’ve worked on these issues for years. And now I’m just going to be tired and get drunk today, schedule my giving, and get ready to go to work for my America tomorrow.

      • Kara E

        If you check this: Lutheran Family Services is an amazing immigrant support and resettlement group – and not just of Christians.

      • MDBethann

        Also Lutheran Immigration and Refugee Services. While it is a ministry of the Lutheran Church, they resettle immigrants and refugees of all faiths.

    • Absolutely. I literally can’t breathe, let alone mobilize into action.

    • anachronismsarah

      If I’m thinking down-ballot and future elections today, it’s just to channel rage and indignation.

    • Gaby

      I’m somewhere in the middle, I want to think of proactive plans to make myself feel better, but I need to mourn. I donated to Planned Parenthood as soon as I woke up but the world still feels quiet and gloomy.

    • Liz

      I agree. I also really don’t want to hear how I need to “suck it up and be a good loser” and now I “know how they felt for 8 years”. Nope. Nope nope nope.

    • Eenie

      If one more white man tells me everything is going to be ok, he gets a kick in the balls.

      • Danielle

        Yes, it might be ok for him. Lucky f***ing him.

      • Lisa

        One of my friends on Facebook has developed a sliding scale for donations to a progressive charity like PP or the NAACP. Anytime a family member tells her it’ll be ok or that she’s overreacting, she’s started donating $10. Anytime someone mansplains or says that the rape allegations or pending lawsuits are “speculation,” they get $5. Yesterday alone she gave away $30.

  • Sarah E

    Work is going to be tough today. Controlling my temper, but also feeling like anything routine task matters.

  • Teresa

    I am pregnant with a baby girl. I work in a high school filled with students who our new president has called rapists and terrorists and has threatened to deport. I am distraught and I don’t know what to do.

  • BD

    I actually cried a little when I read the news this morning. The next four years look depressing, indeed.

    Unfortunately that’s all I have to say at the moment.

  • Heather

    That’s all there is to say isn’t it; I thought we were better than this.

  • KML

    I’ve been a reader of APW for 5 years and this is my first comment. A month ago, my husband and I adopted a perfect baby girl who has Down syndrome and is Mexican. All we could do last night was reapeatedly whisper, “sorry” to her. My heart is broken for so many.

    • Danielle

      I am so sorry. Sending hugs and care to your family <3

    • LadyMe

      Hugs. Take care of yourself and your family.

    • emilyg25

      All my love to you and yours.

    • TrueGrit

      I have been reading APW for about a year and this is my first comment. I send all my love and solidarity. Your family will be in my thoughts.

    • anachronismsarah

      Oh, oh. Hugs. Prayers. Take care.

    • Gaby

      Sending love and virtual hugs your way.

    • joanna b.n.

      And mine for you. I’m sorry this isn’t just a happy time for you all. I am so, so sorry.

  • ep

    I feel sick to my stomach. I feel saddened. I feel defeated. I feel scared. I feel angry. I feel all manner of horrible things that others have expressed more eloquently that I can. I know that we all need time to grieve.

    But I also feel grateful that I was with friends when I realized this was happening. Dear friends, friends who love wholly and without judgement, friends who support and celebrate diversity. I think friendship is the only way we are going to get through this.

  • Lulu

    Guys, I’m officiating a wedding on Saturday. How do I not stand up there and just sob and sob and sob?

    • Nell

      because love is love is love is love. we need more loving families, not fewer.

    • PAJane aka Awesome Tits

      Because people’s lives will still go on. The good things in people’s lives still need to happen.

    • Alanna Cartier

      My wedding is Sunday, and I’m wondering this same thing.

    • Lawyerette510

      because one of the best ways to gain strength and move ahead is by celebrating love and unity and community that can work together to dismantle this f**ked-up system that we have. We have to gain strength and find moments of joy and love to be able to fight this good fight. If we only stay in our grief and sorrow (that we need to feel and process), then the not-actual-majority-who-won-because-of-the-electoral-college really do win.

  • Amy March

    http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_slatest/2016/11/09/nevertrumpers_are_not_to_blame_for_this.html

    Yes, you are to blame. Not alone, not exclusively, but you and your conscience that failed to care about those with less power, you are to blame.

    • Ashlah

      She, and voters like her, need to accept their responsibility in this disaster. You voted with your conscious? Bully for you. Now we’re here, and you cannot deny that your vote is part of why. For once, I do suggest reading the comments.

      • Natasha Romanova

        Apparently those on mobile can’t read comments, but I wholeheartedly agree. To the author of that article and other protest voters, I do blame you, and you should be sorry. There is no chance that four years of Hillary could be anywhere as devastating and horrible as four years of Trump.

  • MC

    How about a thread of organizations we need to support like hell to get us through the next 4 years. I’ll start: Planned Parenthood and the ACLU are at the top of my list. Also my local community health clinic that serves low-income & immigrant populations.

    • LadyMe

      League of Women Voters helps protect the environment and voting rights and does get out the vote work.

      In Massachusetts there’s MIRA: The Massachusetts Immigrant and Refugee Advocacy Coalition.

      Any after school program that serves low income kids. Soup kitchens. Job training programs. Income disparity is going to get way worse.

    • Lulu

      Any Donors Choose project where a teacher wants support for teaching socio-emotional skills, civics education, logical reasoning skills.

    • doublegus

      Southern Poverty Law Center, Black Lives Matter

    • Abbey

      just supported Planned Parenthood. Wanting to find some places in Southern VT where I can be a useful volunteer as well.

    • TrueGrit

      As a white woman, I plan to get involved in my local chapter of SURJ (Showing Up for Racial Justice). They work to mobilize white folks in solidarity with people of color.

    • EF

      the sylvia rivera law project focuses on trans rights and handles a lot of legal cases. this election is *devastating* for trans people, and the SRLP will be helping trans people get official documentation of gender changes on IDs and passports before january.

      (also their internal pay structure is very supportive and equal and cool)

      http://srlp.org/

    • Lawyerette510

      Also, depending on your state, people might want to check out groups that work to change who is up for election. For example in Texas there is Battleground Texas and Annie’s List.

  • Amy March

    It also just makes me feel so alone, personally. Usually I don’t experience being single as being deeply alone, but man I wanted someone else to wake up to this news with.

    • emilyg25

      Hugs across the interweb, friend.

    • Danielle

      I’m so sorry <3

    • Ashlah

      I’m glad we can at least be here virtually… <3 Sorry, Amy.

    • LadyMe

      <3 Sending virtual love and support. I know it's not the same, but you got us.

    • rg223

      Hugs.

    • Alanna Cartier

      Hugs. We’re all here with you.

  • Noelle

    We finally went to bed at 1:30am last night. Woke up about 4 hours later, read Google’s final update on the election, and the first thing I said this morning was “We’re F*cked”.

    • LadyMe

      I have cussed more in the past 24 hours than I have cumulatively for the entirety I’ve been alive.

  • macrain

    I felt such a surge of hope and pride yesterday when I went to my polling site before the sun was up. Then it all came crashing down on me as the results came in.
    it keeps coming at me in waves- there are so many things to be heartbroken about. No Hillary. No woman president (when we will see this? will it be in our lifetimes?). The supreme court. Global warming. Gay Rights. (I had honestly in my grief forgotten about Mike Pence until I saw him on TV this morning. It was like oh right, that blowhard.) And on and on.
    I’m taking the time i need to grieve. I’m not ready to think about taking action just yet.

  • rg223

    It just occurred to me that the people in my life who are known Trump supporters are all women and immigrants. What the actual fuck?

    • Eenie

      Mother in law was born in Vietnam and immigrated to the US during the war. Her sister died trying to make the same trip. Loves Trump.

  • emilyg25

    It’s been a rough day. I sobbed and yelled and looked up how to move to Canada or considered at least moving back to New England. And then I decided, no. Pennsylvania is my home. I am going to stay. I am going to fight. We need to do better and we need to be better. This is just the beginning.

  • Ashlah

    I stayed up hours after it was called, thinking that maybe if I never went to sleep, today would never come and I wouldn’t have to deal with this reality. I woke up early, unable to sleep. I desperately checked my phone first thing, just in case this was all a mistake. Or a nightmare.

    I don’t know how to cope with this. I remember the Bush wins, and those were disappointing and depressing, but it was nothing like this. There is a real terror and sense of betrayal this time. It’s beyond politics. I’m having a hard time understanding how anyone who loves or cares about me could vote for him. How do I forgive them? I’m in Oregon, so their vote didn’t “matter,” but that doesn’t make it hurt any less.

    And in addition to the disgust at who did win, the disappointment in Clinton’s loss is absolutely crushing. I was so excited for her to be our president. So goddamn excited. I was all in. I was so sure we were going to watch the election of our first female president last night. That I would be crying tears of joy. That she would be such an incredible president. I was so looking forward to that bigoted, racist, misogynistic garbage person getting beat in a landslide by a powerful woman. And it feels like that was taken away. And it hurts to wonder how long it will be before we get this close again.

    I want to give Hillary a hug. She’s been through so much. She’s done so much for us. She’s done so much to appease and appeal to the people she was trying to help. And it was never enough.

    • LadyMe

      I identify way too much with Hillary, and watching her lose is like getting sucker punched myself. She has jumped through every hoop and made every compromise and has worked so hard and fought so much and is so tough and this country turned it’s back on her and it’s just like how dare you after all she’s done.

  • Gaby

    I’m Hispanic and cried to my white husband that I feel like millions of people don’t see my parents’ immigration here as a version of the American Dream and more so want to prevent others from doing the same. We talked about what this means for the future children we’ll have and concluded that we still want to raise some smart, open-minded, and kind-hearted individuals. It’s been rough.

    • Danielle

      I’m so sorry.

    • Marcela

      I’m a first gen latina immigrant married to a white man whose family has been in the US (and in positions of power) since the early 1800s. We have had some very difficult conversations the past two days and have ultimately decided that we will hold off on having kids. We had been trying, but now I can’t face the thought of bringing a child into a world that sees me and my family as less than. I see a doctor today about getting back on bc.

  • A.

    “It is not always the same thing to be a good man and a good citizen.” – Aristotle.

    I choose to be a good [wo]man. I choose not to unify. I choose to mourn the loss of progress. I choose not to “empathize” or “sympathize” just because the disaffected people who voted for him are less educated. Hate that is sprung from fear and ignorance is STILL hate and will STILL hurt the most vulnerable people in this country, including my immigrant family and my future biracial child. I choose to speak out and rage and fight.

    And in many ways, I even choose to not believe in the democratic process, if this is what the democratic process has wrought.

    Fuck Trump. Fuck his supporters. Fuck feeling like an unwelcome stranger in my own country. Fuck all of it. We really, really should have been better than this.

  • Fiona

    For my sake, for your sake, for the sake of my family home and abroad, I hope he is a successful president to all Americans, despite all the signs pointing a different direction.

    On another note, for a couple friends who are HIV+ and covered by ACA, I know that Seguro Popular in Mexico covers antiretroviral drugs. Does anyone know how to get covered by Seguro Popular?

  • LadyMe

    Tim Kaine is speaking, leading up to Hillary’s concession speech.
    http://abcnews.go.com/Live/video/special-live-1-14476486

    • Ashlah

      He just introduced her as Hillary Rodham Clinton, and I burst into tears.

    • Lisa

      Brb, crying at my desk.

      • Lisa

        This is a bad dream, right? Please tell me this isn’t really happening.

        • LadyMe

          If only that were true.

        • Lisa

          Her black suit looks like she’s in mourning. Just like the rest of us.

          • LadyMe

            She is in mourning. We’re in mourning. I’m wearing black today.

            But we will fight and defend our values, even as this hurts.

          • Scalliwag

            I’m wearing black and blue, because it feels like I got punched in the gut. And even though going out later (socializing will be hard, but among a likeminded group at least) and would usually wear makeup, since it was just going to end up smeared and looking bad, it wasn’t worth it.

          • LadyMe

            I don’t know how she isn’t tearing up. She is stronger and tougher than anyone has any right to be. She’s amazing.

          • anachronismsarah

            But the purple! Subtle unity/hope.
            She’s my hero.

    • A.

      I can’t. I can’t. I’ve cried too much already.

  • RNLindsay

    oh gosh guys, the speeches now. Started bawling as soon as Tim Kaine took the stage. I signed up for some yoga later as self care. And so happy I’m off today by luck of scheduling. I don’t think I could handle taking care of patients today, trying hard to take care of myself.

  • AGCourtney

    Oh thank god, I was hoping this would be here today.

    I just posted this on Facebook:

    It was the hardest conversation I’ve ever had to have with my daughter. I kept it light and cheerful. I told her that one of the great things about this country is that everyone can vote, and that this time, more people liked his ideas. I told her that though we were a little sad, we would be okay. It was short and sweet. The difficulty was not in the words to say, but in the things I couldn’t say, the heavy shock I had to lift off of my voice with every word.

    My daughter knows nothing of the details of this campaign. But I doubt we will be able to shield her from 4 years of misogyny and racism and the lasting, rippling effects of these being legitimized in the highest office in the land. I grieve for her. Even as I strengthen my resolve on the work there is to be done, I grieve for her.

    To the many people of faith I know and love: I understand and respect your genuine belief in the importance of life before birth. But I am profoundly disappointed and shocked that people who profess to be Christian would elect a man so completely antithetical to our values. Compassion, respect, peace, forgiveness – for every important value I can think of, the opposite has been demonstrated by this campaign. The exchange of all other values and concerns for the hopes of a possible pro-life supreme court justice is the riskiest bargain I have ever seen. Supporting him is the least pro-life thing you have ever done.

    This is not the world I hoped to raise my daughter in. But it is the world we now have, and I will continue to raise her so that she knows she is valuable and strong, and that ALL people are worthy of respect
    and compassion. Hate and fear have no place in our household. Love, however, does.

  • toomanybooks

    I’m still in denial. I can’t accept that it’s really going to be him and not her. I woke up with a bad feeling in my stomach, checked the results, shouted “No!” and bawled and dry-heaved over the toilet. The seat hit my head as I was trying to flip it up and away from the bowl. That about summed up how I was feeling. But as a result, I was extremely awake and went to work early, hoping to also leave early. I realized I’m really glad I went to work. It’s prevented a lot of stewing, physical anxiety, and stomach acid churning. Not all, but a lot. My office is silent today.

    I’m worried about being able to get married next year and keep our rights as a married couple as well.

  • In the past, I’ve voted in elections but I haven’t actively involved in politics. I haven’t wanted to argue. But one of my high school classmates, a brown woman, said something like — You guys! You were supposed to convince your racist friends to not vote for Trump!!! That rang true to me. Especially since I have a lot of friends in my home state of NC, a state that used to vote blue but now reliably votes red. Getting involved in politics takes time, and I have had the white privilege of focusing on my health, my career, and so on instead. But now I realize that I can’t lean on that privilege and that I have to actively fight for the rights of women, POC, and LGBTQ. If I don’t fight for them, who will? The people in my local network *were* the ones to turn their backs. I have to become informed and have those difficult conversations in the right way. It used to feel far away and outside of my control. But now it’s obvious that I was very, very wrong.

    • Sarah E

      This times a million. I tend to make safe choices, and my white, hetero, class privilege allows me to do that. My life needs to turn way more radical now. We are all complicit.

      • TrueGrit

        Thank you both for this reminder. I was also way too complicit this election cycle.

  • PAJane aka Awesome Tits

    This feels somewhere between a hangover and receiving the call that your grandparent died.

    • Alanna Cartier

      And my grandma died this week too. It’s been an A+ week before my wedding. At least the wedding is Saturday and we have a week-long stay-cation after that.

      • PAJane aka Awesome Tits

        Oh, god, I’m so sorry. That sucks. I hope on your wedding day you’re able to celebrate and focus on the love and good things in your life.

      • Rebekah

        I’m so sorry for your loss, but also huge congratulations on your marriage. What an important way to show that life goes on and love continues even in dark and hard times.

  • Kate

    Alright, a lot to unpack here so hopefully this doesn’t turn into a novel.

    It’s not a surprise that because APW leans left the majority of readership would lean that way too. The shock and outrage expressed here is warranted, but there’s something interesting point out.

    We’re at a curious time in our country because of social media and the idea of content curation. The proliferation of “news” websites with click-bait articles that have had the fact checking rigor of a 3rd grade book report are rampant. We can choose the news that suits us based on how we feel and not based on fact. We can self isolate and curate until everything we see agrees with what we think. It can isolate us into a bubble, both left and right, to the point we don’t see anything from the opposite opinion. And some of this isn’t even intentional on our part. If I click articles that bash Trump and like articles that are Pro-Hillary, you know damn well advertisers and social media algorithms are going to make sure I see more of the same content.

    I think this contributes to the shock to a large degree. I found myself this morning perusing my social media and noticing that nobody was thrilled that Trump has won. But you know what?

    I hid all his supporters months ago. Including my own father. Their content and comments made me angry, and I chose not to see it again. I’m not saying everyone did this, and I’m not saying this has been everyone’s experience, but I think it definitely played a role into how we perceived the direction of the election and how it actually turned out.

    Second thing.

    I’ve got a curious mix of left and right on my social media accounts. I grew up in a tiny Christian town, went to a tiny Christian college, then broke ties with that lifestyle and mindset and moved to a large city. My social media is pretty evenly split left and right. And I saw the right grappling with itself as the election progressed. I watched married moms and women who had mentored me in church post mommy-blogs and Christian click bait urging other evangelicals to vote on issues and not on the candidate. I watched people wrestle with not liking the candidate at all, but coming to the conclusion that the supreme court and restriction of women’s choice and the possibility of enacting conservative and evangelical legislation was more important. Which led me to the following conclusions, which I call;

    “Things Giving Kate Life Right Now.”

    1. Election results as of right now show Clinton won the popular vote by roughly 230,000 (I’m sure that will change though as everyone finishes reporting in). More people didn’t want Trump than wanted him. I attribute a large part of what happened to points outlined in this article. https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2016/01/13/this-is-actually-what-america-would-look-like-without-gerrymandering. That’s not to say it isn’t still god damn terrifying that he did win and that that many people did vote for him, I’m just saying the Electoral College makes it look bleaker than it was.

    2. A lot of conservatives would have voted for a cardboard cutout of Ronald Reagan with a toupee if it was nominated. Yes, some of them genuinely like Cheeto Jesus and may the Flying Spaghetti Monster have mercy on them. But I think more people than we realize held their noses and voted. And they would have done that regardless. It would be like if Kanye ran on the democratic ticket. We wouldn’t like it, but a lot of us would vote for him to prevent a conservative from winning.

    3. “Make America Great Again” is an unrealistic, idealistic, un-measurable goal that will not be achieved and blatantly ignores the nostalgia element and historical factors at play (i.e. the state of the global economy post WWII, restriction of women and minorities in the workforce artificially inflating wages, government subsidies increasing the standard of living such as the GI bill, etc. etc.). This is going to play out in the coming years.

    4. This
    Exit polls are indicating that this is what the electoral map would have looked like if only 18-25 year olds voted. This is the future.
    https://mobile.twitter.com/EByard/status/796317753749729280

    I love all of you. Shit sucks right now. And we should fully allow ourselves the chance to grieve what we thought our country was.

    • Rebekah

      Thanks for the thoughts. I’m in a pretty similar boat.
      My only question about the map is, don’t many voters become more conservative as they age and accumulate wealth? So while it looks like this now, how is it compared to 10, 20, 30 years ago? and how will we as a demographic vote in 20 or 30 years (assuming we can still vote)? I’m not trying to bait or troll, promise, but am genuinely curious about the voting trends.

      • EF

        nope, old misconception. voters tend to stick with what they voted for at age 25-30. the world grows more progressive in the meantime, making it look like voters go conservative when they stay in the same place.

      • Kate

        That’s a good question and I’m not sure what the stats are on that. But I’m hoping that our generation prioritizes unity and acceptance and it carries over even as we get older.

    • gipsygrrl

      I’ve wanted to say many things that you covered in your comment. So very true that our current media is keeping us isolated in our little groups. And also very true that the Trump voters I know voted strictly on a party line. My husband grew up in the rural south, and his friends from that area were dismayed that Trump was their candidate… but the single issues and the economic/fiscal banner of conservatism weighed more than their dislike for him. And even though I profoundly disagree with that take on the issues, it actually makes me feel better to think about that. Because I think it’s better (both for my own psyche and hope for humanity) to believe that *not* every Trump voter was an evil racist misogynist.

    • Fundamentalist Anonymous

      Thank you for this. Thank you for trying to understand. If there’s one thing we don’t do enough, it’s that.

      I’m a registered Republican (for now – this is not the party I signed up for). I’m probably a rarity here, but I think open-mindedness is important, on both sides – just getting to know each other as people. I found APW at random, for the wedding photography and ideas, and though it’s pretty obvious which way the site’s politics slant, not everything is politics. Seriously. If I wanted to live in a wholly-conservative bubble, I wouldn’t read APW, you know? That’s not hard to understand.

      This election has triggered a lot of soul-searching. As a member of a tiny religious minority, I really wanted to vote for someone I could be confident would defend religious freedom. (I know many of you will see that as an excuse for homophobia, but a lot of us are genuinely scared that our rights to express the doctrines of our faith, to put them into practice and to teach them to our kids, will be curtailed. A compromise can be found, but there’s not a politician alive today that I trust to find it.) For me, in my liberal hometown, the cultural landscape has changed so fast that I’m powerless to know what comes next. Voting Republican was the only thing I could do.

      But as a human being, “my” party’s candidate was immoral, immodest, thoughtless, shameless, dishonest, arrogant, lacking the fear of God, and the things he has said and done should have disqualified him for leadership. My deeply, devoutly, ridiculously religious community, which usually stands proudly behind social conservatives (i.e. Republicans) started to tear itself apart with confusion. Living in a deep blue state, I had the luxury of casting a protest third-party vote, but I didn’t think it would come to this.

      The silver lining, I guess, is that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right? I don’t think I’m alone in my fear of what comes next if we don’t rise to the occasion. So I’m gonna take Stephen Colbert’s advice and go hug a Democrat today, and pray for America.

      *ducks for cover*

      • saywhatnow

        I appreciate you presenting your point of view. But all I can say is: defending religious freedom *for whom*? Muslims, Sikhs, Buddhists, Baha’i, Jews, and every other religious group deserves that freedom too.

        >> what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right?
        I doubt this nightmare will make any Muslims – to pick the most obvious of trump’s hateful targets – stronger. But it *does* have the potential to harm, and even kill them.

        That factor was also at play in the vote. Inescapably so.

        • Fundamentalist Anonymous

          Thanks for continuing the discussion. I’m not Christian, if that’s what you’re implying here. (I said “tiny religious minority,” didn’t I?) But I think Christians deserve religious freedom too, even though they’re not of my faith, along with the other groups you mentioned.

          I guess by the “you” in “what doesn’t kill you” I meant American institutions—legal and social alike. Meaning, if we fold and become a banana republic dictatorship where people focus all their anger and frustrations on each other, that’s the “kill you” part. If we can stand up to this rhetorical wrecking ball, check-and-balance the office of presidency, and treat each other with respect, we’ll become a stronger society.

          We can hope.

          • saywhatnow

            Thanks for your response. Yes, I assumed you were Christian – my mistake.

            And I take your point about American institutions. Unfortunately, I truly believe – because he’s shown it again and again, FFS – that this is NOT a person who respects those institutions, either social or legal. Someone who clearly repeated, over and over, that he would imprison HRC for a matter that’s been dismissed, that he’d ban Muslims, punish -PUNISH!!!- women for having control over their bodies, repeal treaties and laws, sue opponents…

            This is not someone who respects either basic freedoms, legal institutions, or the fundamentals of a liberal democracy. The House and Senate are controlled by republicans. What checks and balances? The threat of a banana republic? He just got elected. It’s happened. And it’s too late.

            I’ll admit that I’m far too angry to heed the “let’s all get along” calls I see repeated today. It’s hard to hear about treating each other with respect when so many voted for someone who plainly doesn’t respect rights and freedoms (of expression, of the press, of minorities, etc etc). That’s on me, I realise that – but I’m just too heartsick at what’s happened.

            Sorry, I got nothing else for now.

          • Fundamentalist Anonymous

            OK, fair enough. It’s been a devastating 24 hours for too many people, and I’m sincerely sorry for disrespecting that pain by speaking too soon.

          • Jes

            I’m replying less as a response to you and more to work out my own musings. There are currently anti-trump protests going on in my city. Half of me wants to join them, and then half of me remembers watching Obama and Hillary take the high road today. I don’t think their actions fall into “let’s just get along”. But they are taking the high road, they are showing leadership, and they are showing that they’re still committed to democratic norms and the peaceful transfer of power. If we say that this situation warrants extreme remedies and ignoring norms, the other side is just going to ignore the norms even more. It hurts the angry side of me that wants to lash out, but I think I’m going to try to commit to taking the high road, to not spray painting “F*** Donal Trump” on the side of the wall, but make sure I hold people accountable to the Constitution and democratic norms rather than my personal morality. I think I will go further if I use the weight of institutions on my side, rather than my opinions of justice which I know they disagree with. And I can do that while being stunningly polite but booking no compromise; saying I hope they do well but issuing a stern reminder of these are the basic things you MUST do. It’s not getting along, but it’s stopping things from spiraling even worse, and giving us a safe civil place to move back towards.

          • saywhatnow

            I agree with you, and take your caveat about thinking aloud.

            Here’s my thinking aloud: Sure, no vandalism. But also no adherence to blinding ourselves to exactly how much (probably irreversible) damage has been done here. Taking the high road works is you can believe the president is at minimum intelligent, rational, and informed. None of that is true here.

            You’re right, Obama and HRC are committed to democratic norms. Trump has shown he isn’t. That sends shivers down my spine. I don’t believe in or advocate extreme remedies. But nor do I believe it will all be okay and that that we can rely on the institutions we used to believe in.

            :(

          • LadyMe

            Hmmm, interesting

            I don’t think we can *rely* on the institutions… I would say we have to will them into being or continuing to exist.

            Most of America’s democratic institutions are really weak and only continue to exist due to norms, like the peaceful transfer of power. Norms only exist when enough people continue them and enforce them.

  • Brooke

    It’s been a rough day, to say the least (and it’s only noon). I woke up today hoping it was a bad dream; or rather, hoping some miracle happened when I was drifting in and out of sleep as the last polls were closing. There’s an obvious funk at the office today, and the divides between people are becoming clearer: I’ve seen people openly crying, and I’ve heard people openly say “I just don’t get why people of color/women/LGBT/etc. are scared! I was scared 8 years ago!” (about what? who knows…guns being taken away, probably). I haven’t really stopped shaking, and I’ve definitely had moments with tears in my eyes. As a person with family members that are proudly gay, with a brother-in-law that is a proud immigrant, and who is about to marry a person of color, my heart aches so badly today. Like many, I’m trying to piece together where we go from here, and how we begin moving forward. Until then, I’m offering a listening ear and love to all.

  • Natasha Romanova

    The one thing that makes me feel slightly better about everything is an image I saw of how ages 18-25 voted (https://mobile.twitter.com/EByard/status/796317753749729280). At least I can have some faith in the future and in America making better choices.

  • Jess

    I just realized something that pisses me off a whole lot. I convinced R to register and vote for the first time this year. He has never felt well informed enough about a candidate in any election, and so has never voted.

    I ended up not being home for the election (voted absentee), but still, he went to the polls, waited in line, and voted for Hillary because I told him how much it could affect the country. Because it was important to me. Because he saw how it would affect our friends. Because he understood that this mattered.

    And in the end, it didn’t matter at all.

    • Brooke

      My fiancé is the same way. He was registered already, but never intended to vote. In the end, he did end up going to vote (for Hillary) and I’m so proud of that, regardless of the outcome. I saw a change in him throughout the election, and that is wonderful.

      • Jess

        I love this

    • Ashlah

      I did my best to convince my younger sister to register and vote because it is so important. She did. She was so invested in defeating Trump. I hope she votes again.

      • Lisa

        I did the same to my youngest sister. I had to beg her to register and go vote because she had an economics professor in college who beat it into her head that her vote wouldn’t matter. Now I’m sitting over here with my foot in my mouth.

      • Jess

        Me too!!

      • Alexa

        Combined pressure from myself and my mom convinced my little brother to vote. My consolation is that it helped in down-ticket races and helped sway the popular vote balance, which I think has some value even if the electoral college vote is the only one that decides…

    • Eenie

      My dad cast his first ever vote for a Democrat for president. I asked him earlier this year and he avoided the question to an extent. My mom (usually votes Democrat) had assumed that he was voting for Clinton because she had been talking about the campaign and issues but he hadn’t said much – mom took that as agreement. He fed us both a line today about how “all presidents move towards the center”. She freaked out and thought he’d actually voted for him. He didn’t, but that was a rough argument to overhear.

  • Maggie

    Exit polls show 1 out of 3 Latinx men voted Trump, and 1 out of 4 Latinx women did also. Trump is on pace to receive more African American votes than Romney in 2012. I didn’t vote Trump, and I’m scared – but it seems like a lot of women here live in a bubble of privileged, wealthier, progressive people with great access to education. Most of Trump voters don’t seem to have even liked him – this was a primal scream for survival from poor and working class people. Forget about race and religion – what divides us most is class resentment.

    We have money (or hope for the future because education makes us upwardly mobile). They don’t. Until we check that privilege and make an attempt to understand why our assumptions about the other 50% could be rooted in that privilege, we will never be able to empathize with Trump voters including all the millions of minorities and women who did this unthinkable thing. Empathy will be key to minimizing the damage.

    • LadyMe

      The average Trump voter has a higher income than the average Clinton voter. It was a scream from middle class whites who don’t want to become lower class.

      • Alanna Cartier

        Exactly. The average Trump supporter makes $74,000 a year. These are not poor-working class people (mostly). They are ignorant people afraid of losing their privilege.

    • JC

      “Forget about race and religion”? No.

      • saywhatnow

        Agreed.

      • Jes

        http://www.vox.com/2016/6/2/11833548/donald-trump-support-race-religion-economy

        You can ask just one simple question to find out whether someone likes Donald Trump more than Hillary Clinton: Is Barack Obama a Muslim? If they are white and the answer is yes, 89 percent of the time that person will have a higher opinion of Trump than Clinton.

        That’s more accurate than asking people if it’s harder to move up the income ladder than it was for their parents (54 percent), whether they oppose trade deals (66 percent), or if they think the economy is worse now than last year (81 percent). It’s even more accurate than asking them if they are Republican (87 percent).

        The graph also indicates that several of the racial and religious views have a significant impact on evaluations of the candidates. Those who express more resentment toward African Americans, those who think the word “violent” describes Muslims well, and those who believe President Obama is a Muslim have much more positive views of Trump compared with Clinton.

        • JC

          Exactly. And wrapped up into the one simple question, but which can’t be measured by survey data, is that “Muslim” in this context is used as a slur (by those who think it applies to Obama). “Is Obama a Mormon?” or “Is Obama a Presbyterian?” are simple factual questions, but “Is Obama a Muslim?” is a moral judgement.

    • Justine

      Maggie is correct. HALF of America is poor. Google it if you don’t believe it.

      Most of those people know that government policies have not worked for them. Most of them didn’t vote for HRC and if we keep denying this, we deserve what we get. Those people would have considered Bernie Sanders.

  • ASimmons

    I have been reading for years, and love the intelligent community of APW. Thank you for making me feel less alone today. I am outraged at every single person that voted for Trump. I mourn the fall of decency in this country. I am fearful for minorities, LGBTQ, and women’s rights. I watch in horror as Roe V Wade gets chipped away in this country. I feel such an overwhelming sense of sadness and anger. Anger that anyone would vote for that bigot. I’m a white woman, and completely baffled that ANY woman would vote for Trump. League of Women Voters in non partisan, are there any women’s rights PAC’s out there? I still can’t believe this happened, it’s a fucking nightmare.

    • ART

      Emily’s List comes to mind

  • Alexandra

    God, what a horrible day for a birthday. The 36 years of living in a democracy were fun. I tried not to take it for granted.

  • Ellen

    As someone watching on from abroad (Australia), I feel so much helplessness and disbelief. I also feel so defeated as a woman. I finally thought we were making progress towards equality but this is a huge kick in the guts. I don’t want to be a woman in the world that he will create. I cried last night while discussing the results with my fiance; how have we come to this? I’m wearing black today in mourning.

  • Louise

    Well, I spent the day lying to children. Or at least that’s what it felt like. I teach first and second grade, and my kids are very aware of the election for a variety of reasons. From what I’ve heard, it sounds like ALL of their parents were for Hillary. Today, they were scared that she was going to jail, that there would be war, that all the laws will change, that he would build a wall…and just generally scared and sad. And though I’m scared and sad too, my job was to be neutral but reassuring. My job was to say “We respect everyone. Even people we disagree with.” It was exhausting. Now I’m home, crying. How will this be OK?

  • n

    I was just scrolling through Facebook, and came across one of the photos of Susan B Anthony’s grave covered in “I voted” stickers, and I just want to cry. in addition to my fears, and anger about this election, and the 4 years to come, the contrast between the amazing optimism I (and so many others) felt on Tuesday morning, and the ultimate outcome is devastating.

    • LadyMe

      I watched the livestream of the gravesite from 10am to when they closed the stream at 9:45pm. My sister went and got one of the commerative stickers they were handing out. The stream was so positive and happy, it was my safe place during election day. The let down after that whole day of optimism is heartbreaking. But remember, we elected women and women of color into the Senate! Progress was still made, just in a smaller way than we would have hoped.

  • enigmagnetic

    First, let me to say to all the folks who have been targeted by this hateful campaign: I’m so, so sorry. I can’t say how sorry I am. It should have been different. I promise to stand up with you.

    It’s two days later and I still burst into tears occasionally, especially when I think of all the children who are scared and anxious for their families. That is too much of a burden for them to bear, it’s not right. I feel sick and panicky and this nightmare of real life keeps me from sleeping at night. I’m afraid for all marginalized people in this country, who already had it bad and don’t deserve this. I’m afraid for the health of our planet and of the threat of nuclear war. I’m angry at all the white people who deny being racist, but either voted for this tire fire of a human being, or sat out in complacency, and let white supremacism win.

    I’m surprised by how many people on this thread were utterly confident that Hillary was going to win–I never was. I told my dad early on in the election cycle that this country was not progressive enough to vote for a woman president after 8 years of a black president. I knew the racial resentment was too high, the pendulum had to swing the other way, and the backlash had to come out, one way or another.

    And part of me was (shamefully) scared that even if Hillary did win, women would be subject to increased sexual violence as a result. Because you can bet that just as many people who resented a black president would resent a woman president. Once I saw how his support was untouched by all the scandal, the hate rhetoric, the blatant and unrepentant lying, any one of which would have decimated any other political campaign, I knew this was a very real and present danger.

    And even after the grief is processed, I still won’t abide anyone saying to accept it and this is how others felt when Obama came into office. People who were scared that Obama got and stayed elected were afraid of the dismantling of their white privilege, though they may or may not be conscious of this. They saw a black man in office and thought “this isn’t my country anymore.” It’s not the same as what we’re experiencing today. No real and immediate harm came to white people as a result of Obama’s presidency, but ever since Trump started this campaign, people of color have experienced increased racial discrimination, which does cause measurable harm.

    On top of that, the anti-Obama camp never accepted him as our president (even though his wins were in every way more legitimate than Tire Fire’s). They elected people whose only purpose was to oppose everything that could help the American people, just because Obama proposed it. They were bent on making his presidency a failure by inertia. So no, I won’t accept it, and you can deal with it, like you “had to for 8 years.”

    I also refuse to abide anyone who voted based on policy (because, what policies? besides that wall or exacting revenge on his detractors, he hasn’t supplied a single coherent policy) or party lines, even though they “didn’t like” him. He wasn’t just using the old dog-whistle racism tactics of typical Republicans, he used a racism foghorn. It was not subtle or questionable or hard to spot. Others have said it in this post, but it bears repeating: ignoring obvious racism is being complicit in it. You are saying that the basic rights and well-being of other humans is less important than your favored tax-policy, or government spending concerns, or any other thing and that’s because as a white person, it’s not your personal well-being or basic rights that are at stake. That is unacceptable, and that is racism, whether the Trump supporters in your life like it or not.

    Part of my reason for this extended rant is to maybe help some white folks who are wondering what they can do to help going forward, especially feeling as though you didn’t do enough before. You don’t have to swallow this, and we shouldn’t. It’s more important now than ever to be a strong ally for PoC, Muslims, immigrants, and any other marginalized people. In the immediate, that often means having difficult and uncomfortable conversations with the people you know and love about how their actions perpetuate racism. Join an anti-racist organization near you and start educating yourself. Let those who are most directly affected lead the way, and as with any terrible situation, comfort in, dump out.

    The other reason for this extended rant is that I don’t have any social media, so this is my first written vent since the election. It helps, and I appreciate it, even if I’m late to the party.

    My greatest hope at this point is that this reaction we’re all having will snowball into a righteous movement, a collective power so loud and proud that we cannot be ignored or minimized. If we can harness these feelings and use them to make it known that most of the country does NOT abide hate and white supremacy (and for that matter environmental suicide and world war), maybe, just maybe, we can turn the corner we peeked around when we elected Barack Obama 8 years ago. Let’s gear up and do this–the world won’t wait.

    • LadyMe

      Welcome late to the party. I also don’t have any social media which is why I continue to lurk in these comments.

      I also really support this part of your statement: “I also refuse to abide anyone who voted based on policy (because, what
      policies? besides that wall or exacting revenge on his detractors, he
      hasn’t supplied a single coherent policy)”

      We’ve talked about racism et al so much on this thread, but just his sheer incompetence and ignorance *should* have made him disqualifying for even the racists.

      • enigmagnetic

        Thanks, I really am so appreciative of this community, which is one of the few places on the Internet where reading the comments actually gives me hope for humanity.

        Yes, his ignorance *should* have disqualified him. If anyone here hasn’t watched any of Trump’s campaign speeches in full (not just the juicy snippets they put on the news), you really should now if you can stomach it. It’s important to know what we’re up against, not just in terms of his own incompetence, but of the willingness of his supporters to completely set aside critical thinking and democratic values in order to maintain a racial hierarchy.

        Anyone listening to him speak, regardless of their media affiliation or political goals, *should* have seen that he was just telling them what they wanted to hear. “Your lives are terrible because of (insert race- or faith-based or political scapegoat here)! It’s a disaster. I alone know how to fix it. Here’s a big promise about how your life will become entirely better with me as president. How? I know how, believe me.” And they do–just with that, they believe him.

        On top of this, there are clear parallels between his rhetoric and personality and those of history’s worst tyrants, and though many have seen it (including sane Republicans), the mainstream media did not call attention to it as they should (and yet, everyday, Hillary’s emails). Our democracy is flawed but it has allowed us to remain one of the most stable and free countries in the world for many generations, and we as a country take it for granted that this cannot be undone. But history shows that anything can be undone if the social contract is flagrantly discarded.

        • ASimmons

          Exactly!

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