Q:I am in an interracial relationship. I am Black, and my fiancé is white, and I haven’t shied away from my feelings about the current administration in the U.S. But I have always been vocal about a lot of things—it’s just my nature. Last week, a family member of my fiancé’s called him and asked (word for word), “How is she going to marry you when she’s such a racist?” He also asked if I have any “white friends.”
I have met his family, and even though they live in another state, we get along great. But our interactions are limited to one or two visits a year… and social media. But apparently, now that I am not a supporter of their current president… I’m the racist. It’s laughable, and it’s offensive. I am offended that they would have the audacity to even hint that I am a racist. I’m a Black Woman, and I think if anyone would be against racism or discrimination, it would be me. I have prayed each night for God to help me let this go.
Under any other circumstance I would call the family member and let him know exactly how I felt about his questioning. I have also tried very hard not to post anything I think they would be mad about, which is very frustrating to me. I have never posted anything pertaining to race, due to the fact that has nothing to do with why I don’t agree with certain policies and activities.
I need advice on how to deal with this, because we still have five months to go before the wedding, and family is very, very important to me—I want to make sure my fiancé’s family joins the celebration. I also don’t want to see them and have everything I’ve been holding in for five months comes spilling out at the rehearsal dinner. What do I do?
Fiancé needs to handle his family, and he needs to have her back a hundred percent. To me that means letting the entire family know that they aren’t going to change or put up with this shit, and if anyone has a problem with her, they have a problem with him, and they need to keep it to themselves. Anything less than that response would be unacceptable to me.
You should also think about what you’re signing up for and how you want to deal with these folks moving forward, ’cause it’s only gonna get harder. When you have kids who are biracial, how will his family behave? Think about that and also talk to your partner and make sure he’s going to support you if there’s more conflict with his family.
A lot of people are using “That’s racist!” as a way to shut down dissent or conversation about true racism, discrimination, and issues that people of color face, which I also think this family member is doing. Basically, he wants her to stop bringing any attention to the fact that she’s not a privileged white person like the rest of the family.
Don’t change your public stance or soften it for white feelings, sorry not sorry. Post about race 24/7 because racism is real and it exists.