Gay Marriage: Legal In The United States


Finally, it's time to throw the confetti

by Meg Keene, CEO & Editor-In-Chief

beIMAGED Wedding Photography

Back in 2011, APW threw a party in New York City to celebrate the state’s brand new marriage equality laws. In fact, it was more than just a party. It was two weddings, followed by a community reception. It was big and emotional and magical and full of dancing and popsicles and confetti. But it was also incomplete. Because while one of the two states I consider home was now recognizing the right for folks who love each other to get married, we still seemed light years away from legal gay marriage in all of the United States.

That week, someone who attended the party said in a comment:

As I left the party I grabbed a small handful of very-danced-upon confetti and threw it into my bag. I think I will put it in a little baggie and save it until the day that every couple everywhere can do this. And I will take that confetti and toss the hell out of it again.

So I put all of the leftover confetti from the party in a huge bag, and I put it in my desk drawer, to wait.

Today, after doing my own tiny part to fight for this for my whole adult life, I’m going to get out that confetti and show it to my toddler. And know that at forty weeks and two days pregnant, our daughter will be born into a very different world than the one we were born into.

beIMAGED Wedding Photography

Happy Pride, y’all. Thank you all for fighting the good fight for so long. Congratulations to all of you whose marriages are legal today, or who can finally go get LEGALLY, LEGALLY hitched.

And with that, I’m going to try to stop crying long enough to get out the confetti.

xo

Meg

 

Meg Keene

Meg is the Founder and EIC of APW. She has written two best selling wedding books: A Practical Wedding and A Practical Wedding Planner. Meg has her BFA in Drama from NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts. She lives in Oakland, CA with her husband and two children. For more than you ever wanted to know about Meg, you can visit MegKeene.com.

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  • Katie

    #confettiforall

  • moonlitfractal

    Hooray!

  • Jeneal Smith

    All the tears. So so happy for all those getting married today and henceforth. It’s FINALLY legal!!

  • Stephanie

    So so so so happy !

  • Michelle

    This is the best day ever!

  • QUEER

    I’m QUEER, the person who wrote in yesterday about my stealth trans fiance.

    Yesterday, due to his gender status on various bureaucratic documents, we would not have been able to get legally married in our home state.

    Today, we can. Our wedding later this summer will be totally legal and binding and give us all the rights any typical hetero couple would have.

    I cannot believe it. So proud and happy and shocked right now. And also, like, empowered. We will have all the rights and protections we deserve.

    F*ck yeah!

    • Rose

      This is such an amazing feeling, isn’t it? (I mean, not exactly the same circumstances, my finacee is a woman, but still). Knowing that it’s here and they can’t try to take it away again. I’m so happy for you both too.

      • Rose

        I just want to add, having thought about it for a minute, that I can’t even imagine what it felt like, to be a hetero couple and not be able to get legally married. At least everyone we knew knew that we were affected by this. It’s got to be hard to be facing that and not even have people know it’s a challenge for you. I’m so happy for you!

        • QUEER

          Girl. Don’t even worry. Let’s just be happy today!!!!!!!

          We can BOTH marry our partners and be totally legit in our home states now. That is the wonderful similarity we are both enjoying right now!!!!!!

      • QUEER

        It is, totally amazing. I didn’t know it would feel this way.

        I didn’t know it would feel so empowering to know that, in a few months, I could stand up and say, “I take this man…” or whatever, and it would feel real, be real, just as anybody else.

        Feel like crying inside (in a good way, like relief).

    • Sheila

      #desktears

    • Jessica

      I’m so, so happy for you two!

    • Meredith

      Congratulations! So happy for you!

    • Jess

      Great, now I’m crying all over again. I’m so happy for you!!

      • QUEER

        Don’t cry too much! It’s a wonderful day!!!!!
        And thanks for your support :)

    • Amazing! So so happy for you!!!

    • VKD_Vee

      So happy for you, Queer, Mr Queer, and all of you Yankey Doodle Dandies! Glorious, glorious news… ❤❤❤

      • QUEER

        Mr. QUEER and I thank you from the bottom of our Yankee Doodle hearts.
        USA! USA! (just kidding) (kinda)

        • Emma

          People were chanting USA in front of the Supreme Court today.

    • Stephanie

      I signed up (after reading this site for months and months!) just to congratulate you!!!! :) :)

      F*ck yeah! :)

      • QUEER

        Thank you, dear ally. Thank you!

    • Allison

      Yayyyy!!! Congratulations!

    • Grace from England

      This made happy tears well up in my eyes. This is the absolute minimum you deserve.

      • QUEER

        Thank you so much. Now I’M tearing up :*)
        So grateful for this entire community <3

    • lady brett

      ugh, documents! congrats y’all!

    • Happy Stranger

      CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Alyssa M

    Crying happy tears in the coffee shop this morning… just FUCK YES!

  • AGCourtney

    This was the first place I went when I saw the news!

    • Kay

      Haha, me too! Hooray!

  • Lisa

    Today two of my good guy friends are getting married! I’m ugly crying at my desk, and I can’t even imagine all of the emotions they must be feeling today!!

    • raccooncity

      I just emailed my guy and was like “EVERYONE IS CRYING” – they were talking about Pride parades and LGBTQ rights internationally on CBC radio on Q when they got the news, and everyone cried. I cried in my car, my friends are crying.

      MAGIC.

  • Rose

    I am so so so happy today, I don’t even have words. We’re going to get our marriage license in September, and sign it at our wedding, and they will have to recognize it at home, and there’s not a damn thing they can do about it. They can’t take it back now. Oh, I am so so happy.

    • QUEER

      Take that, motherf*ckers!

      (I might be having some emotions right now…)

      • Rose

        Right? Right. (my straight male field crew is going to have to listen to me play Lily Allen’s “F*** You” in the car as we drive to our site, there’s no way around that right now).

  • Lauren from NH

    I don’t often get teary no matter how awesome something is on the internet, but this is getting me. It gives me such hope to see the good guys win, hope I have been missing of late. So happy to see justice done.

    • Eenie

      Same! I’ve been absorbed with other things at work today and after just checking the news I’m all teary at my desk.

    • Alanna Cartier

      If it helps, I’m Canadian and we’ve had marriage equality for a while, but I am still ugly crying right now. It’s just so nice to think that the world is becoming a little more inclusive.

    • Lizzie

      Me too! Good thing I’m getting over a cold so my colleagues can assume the sniffling coming from my cubicle is just the sick kind.

  • Ashlah

    I don’t have anything profound to add, I just want to pile on with all the happiness! Looking back at the progress we’ve made in my short lifetime gives me hope for all the changes still to come. There will be more fighting, but today is a day for celebration! I’m sitting at my desk silently celebrating for everyone personally affected by this ruling. I want to party!!

  • Stephanie B.

    The opponents of marriage equality are 100% right about one thing: gay marriage ABSOLUTELY affects my own straight marriage.

    It ENRICHES it immeasurably. It means much more to me when it’s a community festival that EVERYONE can participate in, rather than an exclusive club that only certain people can join.

    Screw the exclusive club; bring on the community festival!!! More love, y’all. More love.

    • Ashlah

      Yes! I was thrilled when marriage equality came to my state mere months before our straight wedding, and even happier now that it’s guaranteed in all states. My marriage absolutely feels more meaningful now that it is a less exclusionary, discriminatory institution. Love wins!

      • Alyssa M

        You put it in exactly the right words. The very concept of marriage, including my own, got better today.

    • Grace from England

      Stop ittt or you’ll make me ugly cry. So beautiful <3

    • OhNoThereGoesTokyo

      Yay! Tears at work waaaaaah :P

  • Leanne M

    I am so thrilled that you can finally toss that confetti! And so grateful for getting to make it legal with you and the crew in 2011. My son, who is about to turn a year old, will get to grow up in a world where his moms are legally wed no matter where our adventures take us!

  • raccooncity

    Big ups to all my American neighbours to the south!!!! You did it! Love wins!!!!!!!!!!!!

    (also: score another win for the Notorious RBG.)

    • QUEER

      BOW DOWN.

  • Shira

    Yes!!! Thank you, Meg, for this post and all of the previous ones, for making gay marriage central and visible and beautiful on this blog-turned-community, I think APW was central in my education. It’s one thing to agree with the right to marry and even support it and another to see real couples’ celebrations, to read and and discuss and be involved in the struggle. I’m going to throw some confetti myself!

  • MC

    Can’t stop crying happy tears at work. And Pride in my city is tomorrow!!!!!

  • Marcela

    Hey APW, can someone do a post about how to gracefully cry at your desk? I need one of those right now.

    • scw

      or in the doctor’s office, which is where I was this morning when it was announced!

      • Valerie Day

        I was reading my phone, stopped at a corner, on my bicycle and I whooped! Loudly! Good morning 7am traffic!

    • Eenie

      My office is so dusty this morning. Just can’t seem to get the dust out of my eyes.

    • Kayla

      My allergies sure are acting up today. Eyes watering all over the place. I think I must be allergic to joy.

    • Alanna Cartier

      I work from home and I guess I need to vacuum because the allergies are real bad. “Allergy” tears just running wild down my face…

    • Maddie Eisenhart
      • Marcela

        Didn’t work. All I could think of was how these guys couldn’t get married before and now they can and everything is beautiful and my wrist rest for my keyboard is wet.

      • Happy Stranger

        I have always loved Sean Hayes since Will & Grace, and though he’s been in lots of movies, he is so underrated. Why is he not even more famous than he is???? Such a talent.

  • This morning I logged on to a gaming chat that is 99% male and 98% straight to find that they were all talking about SCOTUS and how it was about time. All the international people were saying that they were proud of the US today. I may have bawled uncontrollably at the sight. It usually a bunch of d*ck jokes but today it was all “d*cks can marry each other and it’s not a joke. Hurrah!” Progress where you least expect it.

  • Gina

    Meg, as I sit here feeding my one-month old, I share your joy that our daughters will never know a world where gay marriage is illegal and that they may love and marry whomever they want.

    • Violet

      Or a world without even knowing the term “gay marriage”? They’ll just know it as marriage! : )

      • Marcela

        I had just gotten myself under control!! (crying again)

      • Gina

        Yes!!!!

      • Lawyerette510

        Yes x 100

  • Lauren from NH
    • macrain

      That is perfect! It describes my entire newsfeed right now!

    • Happy Stranger

      Perfect.

  • Laura C

    Yesterday I was so nervous about the SCOTUS healthcare decision, but today I felt really calm waiting. And then so, so happy. Yesterday after the decision I was shaking with relief, today just bubbling with joy.

  • Eenie

    I’m so glad that this debate is now over. And to anyone who can read the below paragraph and still disagree with the decision? Well guess what, it doesn’t matter anymore. Their opinion (legally) is not valid, and I can shove that in their face.

    “No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than once they were. As some of the petitioners in these cases demonstrate, marriage embodies a love that may endure even past death. It would misunderstand these men and women to say they disrespect the idea of marriage. Their plea is that they do respect it, respect it so deeply that they seek to find its fulfillment for themselves. Their hope is not to be condemned to live in loneliness, excluded from one of civilization’s oldest institutions. They ask for equal dignity in the eyes of the law. The Constitution grants them that right.”

    • MC

      And I love this as a wedding reading.

      • CMT

        I’d like to have my ceremony end with “It is so ordered.”

      • QUEER

        YES. Powerful, powerful stuff.

    • Jess

      I’m on page 26 of the majority opinion and I can not stop finding quotes that make me cry or that I want to yell at people. Just… everything, from the change in the definition of marriage over time, to each statement about why marriage can be important to people, to dignity and autonomy.

      It’s just amazing.

      • Eenie

        Oh, a full reading of the decision will be completed when I’m not supposed to be working… And we’ll include something in our ceremony. Because this is important. And beautiful. And will probably make me cry again.

    • kate

      YES. it’s beautifully written, ripe for quoting in ceremonies this summer (like me!)

      • Eenie

        *quoting in ceremonies for generations to come

  • Eh

    Congrats! This is awesome news.

    I’ve written about this before, but living in Canada I take marriage equality for granted all the time. That said, I appreciate Meg’s comment about her daughter being born into a very different world than she was. Ontario has had same sex marriage nearly my entire adult life. But my daughter (I’m currently 34w 3 days) will have it her whole life and that is super awesome.

    • Lauren from NH
      • Eh

        That’s awesome! We’ve had same sex marriage since 2005 (nationally – earlier in Ontario and BC, and some other places).

      • VKD_Vee

        Lauren, I LOVE THIS!!!

      • Grace from England

        Haha! Idiots

  • AP

    WOOHOO!!! So, so overcome with happiness today.

  • I was shooting an elopement at city hall this morning, and the news broke just as they were signing their license. Everyone was cheering and telling strangers. It was just beautiful

  • CMT

    U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-GAY! U-S-GAY!

  • Amanda L

    I have been tearing up on and off all day. It wasn’t until my wedding day, three years, three months and two days ago, that I realized why being able to actually get married was a big deal. Since then, I have felt sadness for those who are arbitrarily (based on the state they live in) told whether they can marry their loves. I am so happy for my LGBTQ friends and family. I want to apologize on behalf of all of us humans who have kept you from that right for far too long. <3 <3 <3

  • Emma

    An amazing day to be in front of the Supreme Court! And an amazing feeling to call my moms and say, “hey, just to let you know your marriage is now legal everywhere” can’t stop crying!

  • Grace from England

    What incredible news from across thwart pond today. I’ve been following the Courage Campaign since 2008, waiting for this day. It’s an issue close to my heart and if I had any confetti, I’d sure as hell be throwing it for you all. Congratulations USA for doing the right thing, finally!

    After reading APW since easter 2013 I am now 7 days away from my wedding! The forecast for 3rd July in our city is currently a heat wave at 30°C which is about as hot as England gets so I think I hope I don’t end up burnt and sweaty. I promise to return with pics in a couple of weeks when we get back from Paris! I know I’ll be reading APW for years to come, because you really are the smartest women on the Internet.

    • Two words: sunscreen, water.

      And have a wonderful honeymoon in Paris! Ooh la la ;)

  • I am in Canada, where gay marriage has been legal for a decade. I was only 26 at the time, and I don’t think I had any idea how lucky I was.

    Now, I am on the bus on the way to my final pre-wedding tailor appointment, and crying like a baby. Happy happy tears for my fellow queers down south!

    • OhNoThereGoesTokyo

      Same, but I’m an ally, married since last year in Canada. The news from the US moved me so completely.

  • HOOORAY!!!!!! I was jumping up and down and doing a little dance in my car on the way to work!!! This is so huge!!!!

  • J Mac

    Congratulations America!

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  • To all that are saying the fight is over, let me remind you that America is not the only place where everyone deserves equality. The fight is NOT over.

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