Happy Hour


I dream it, I work hard, I grind 'til I own it

by Meg Keene, CEO & Editor-In-Chief

12547423_150002948715330_1241265854_n

Hey APW, Hey.

I suddenly realized I had to write this post, which means I had to stop watching “Formation” for like two seconds. (You think I’m joking.) So hey. “FORMATION,” AMIRIGHT? Where were we?

Oh right! I’m so happy to introduce Jareesa Tucker McClure, who is our (paid!) 2016 writing fellow. We had such a strong batch of intern applications this year that they made the job of reading something like 120 essays a joy. We ended up hiring Jareesa, who has been working with APW as a freelancer for awhile now (past work: I Have No Idea How to Have a Happy Marriage). We’re thrilled and delighted to bring her on in a more formalized position, and we even got her this sweatshirt to match the rest of the team. We can’t wait to read more of her work, and we know you guys are in for a real treat as well.

Here’s a little more about our favorite new staffer:

Pink Line

jareesaJareesa’s first (and favorite) word was “why”. Her desire to figure things out led her to a passion for reading adult novels and anything science-related. She graduated from the University of Minnesota with a BS in Chemistry and immediately started a Chemistry PhD at Georgia Tech, where she spent too much time partying and not enough time studying. Jareesa spent the next seven years as a laboratory chemist aka mad scientist, while chronicling her exploits on her personal blog that three other people read. She’s since left the lab, but still loves to figure shit out, learn new things, and scare people with her Walter White-like powers. Her biggest claim to fame is having almost 2,000 followers on Twitter, and also meeting her husband via Twitter (yes, he slid in her DMs). She and her husband live in Minneapolis, where she can be found knitting, tweeting and enjoying the city with her Meetup group.

Pink Line

And with that, links about Formation (and some other stuff), and your open thread.

XO,

Meg

LINK ROUNDUP

Are your cycles the new frontier of women’s retail? Period panties and weed tampons are here to “disrupt” the bloody market.

What it’s really like to have a long-distance marriage.

In WWII, we had federally funded childcare, but since then we’ve gotten rid of it… because the idea of women working is “optional.”

The endless think-pieces about “Formation”: the good, the great, and the somewhat critical.

Downloadable Valentine’s coupons that are cute as hell.

Suffragette poems. ’Nuff said.

Meryl Streep sounds a teensy bit racist.

Why the Zika virus is a feminist issue.

How to snapchat like the teenagers do…

What we can learn from Survival Mom and the “Preppers”?

Meg Keene

Meg is the Founder and EIC of APW. She has written two best selling wedding books: A Practical Wedding and A Practical Wedding Planner. Meg has her BFA in Drama from NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts. She lives in Oakland, CA with her husband and two children. For more than you ever wanted to know about Meg, you can visit MegKeene.com.

[Read comment policy before commenting]

  • Lisa

    ONE OF US ONE OF US!!! Congratulations, Jareesa!!

    • Eenie

      SOOOOOOO EXCITED TO READ MORE!

    • Thank you! So excited to join the team :-)

    • Jess

      I am so pumped for this! I have loved her voice in everything she’s written here so far.

  • CMT

    Poll: How many times have you watched the ‘Formation’ video?
    A. 100
    B. 1,000
    C. 10,000

    • D. All of the above

      • Kayjayoh

        Ditto. It isn’t *for* me, but I strongly appreciate the joy/anger/catharsis in the video.

        I also spent two nights this week watching reaction vids people posted, of them watching the video for the first time. Some of them are quite delightful.

    • Christina McPants

      100, unfortunately.

    • All day every day

  • savannnah

    Thoughts on potential bridesmaids who do not get along or have had recent fall outs with each other? My relationship with each of them is important and great but a few (like 4 of 6) either have not gotten along with each other in years or have recently stopped talking? In the best world, I would include all of them but I don’t want to set myself up for issues even before I start planning.

    • Eenie

      Is everyone local? How much time are they really going to spend together? What’s your vision for their role? I have been a BM once, and it included attending a bowling bachelorette party that had lots of non BM people invited and standing up with the other bridesmaids. We didn’t get ready together. I like the other girls well enough, but if I hated them I would have been able to deal with it for the day.

      • Benna

        On the flip side, my photographer told me that he usually has to help put out two kinds of fires: #1–Pushy moms (almost every wedding), but a close second were bridesmaids who hate each other and make the bride miserable. My posse and I were pretty shocked to hear that (at worst, the way some felt about each other was “indifferent but fine, because I just met you yesterday” and at best, “you’re great and one of my other best friends!”) to the point that my SIL thought he was joking. But he said/claimed, sadly, morning-of fights between BMs happened about 1 out of 4 weddings.
        There may definitely be groups of BMs that just aren’t able to put differences aside and it’s important to figure out where your particular people fall on that spectrum.

    • A.

      Some bigger questions to think about: Were the fall outs of a really brutal, long-lasting nature? How involved have you been in these fallings out? How reasonable have your friends/family members been in the past about putting differences aside for higher callings of relationships? Overall, how mature are the people you’re talking about?

      And more practical: Is it possible to do different things with different folks, where they’d only have to see each other at shower, bachelorette, and/or the big day? (Though their behavior at those events might depend on your answer to the above)

      Good luck!! And remember, the people you’re close with don’t have to be close with each other to still be supportive and uniquely valuable friends to you (a lot of women forget that sometimes–I know I have in the past!)

    • Amy March

      I think you need to really ask yourself whether you want to deal with drama throughout your wedding. There is no one in my life who I am not speaking too, because I am not 7 and I am fortunate enough not to have come into contact with anyone truly toxic. Drama between 4 of your 6 people seems really high to me. I think choosing to include all of them means you are going to have issues. You can work to minimize those issues, but obviously these ladies do not get along and are not shy about making their dislike for each other public.

      • Keeks

        Listen to Amy! “People don’t stop being who they are for your wedding,” is the First Law of Wedding Planning for a reason! It’s highly unlikely that these women are going to transcend their issues and unite in a common goal of making your wedding day special and stress-free.

  • Sosuli

    Quick one before I head to a friend’s birthday – I really need a drink tonight after being rejected for a postdoc today.

    Anyway, just wanted to say thanks to everyone for the advice/support on shopping with my FMIL for her dress to our wedding. It was both a) not as bad as I expected and b) just as bad. A) because it turned out she only wanted to look at dresses, not try them on so we were there for less than an hour and B) because my fears were correct and she wants to wear a white dress. Or well, “cream” or “fawn” or veeeerrryy veeeeerrrry light “blush pink” or white with a flower pattern. Ugh. I totally chickened out and did not manage to say at any point that I wanted to be the only one wearing white or that it’s a cultural difference and my family will think it’s really weird… But I did manage to veto one dress she wanted to buy (which was white with a slight violet tinge) by saying “Oh, it’s very pale…”. To which FMIL responded “Oh do you mean it’s too bridal?” and I said “YES EXACTLY” and she put it away, I sighed of relief and… she continued to look at other dresses exactly like it.

    So we did not end up with a dress, but we did agree that one in a darker beige was the best, and since it was very clearly not white and very nice, I emphasised over and over again how much I liked it. Unfortunately it was a bit pricey, but I encouraged her to look for ones like it. I’m also hopeful she will show me whatever dress she gets in the end, since she’s clearly interested in my opinion, so if it’s white or ivory lace I’ll have a chance to say… “Please not to our wedding.” Anyway, thought you guys might like an update! Happy weekend everyone!

    • Eenie

      Yay! You don’t always have to be direct with people. It sounds like she’s at least getting closer to being on the same page as you.

    • Jess

      Ooooh “Too Bridal” I like that phrase. If the worst should happen, I’ll be using it.

      I’m glad for the update!

    • Kayjayoh

      “I really need a drink tonight after being rejected for a postdoc today.”

      (((Sosuli)))

    • Caitlin

      General comment here, not directed at you, Sosuli, but “only the bride should wear white” might be one of those cultural things that is only a strong taboo for some people. Personally, I don’t really get it nor am I too worried about what any of the family chooses to wear. It’s gonna be pretty obvious that I’m the bride, so if my mom wants to wear something pale, even something white, more power to her. None of my close friends and family are going to mistake my mom for me. Also, I want my family to wear something that they like, it doesn’t have to match everyone else. Their much loved faces are what I want in pictures, not a certain color. So commenting on your comment because it’s a topic I’ve been thinking about but not to negate your experience, just put it out there for discussion. Do others have strong feelings on white for wedding guests pro or against?

      • Laura C

        I think of it as a strong enough rule — across different regions of the US, anyway — that I generally feel like if someone who has spent their adult life in the US is wearing white to a wedding in which they are not the bride, it’s probably a statement of some kind.

        Tolerance levels vary, of course, — a friend wrote to me asking if it was ok for her to wear a dress that had a white lining that showed around a slit in the skirt and I said of course, and then when I saw her I was like “I wouldn’t have even asked, it’s so obviously ok” and I have, after consultation with friends, worn a dress that’s a dark cream with a large dark purple floral pattern and borders. So I’m not on team no white anywhere on your body. But at least among my friends from New England, the South, the Pacific Northwest, there’s a strong rule against dresses where white or off-white dominates. So, like I say, if I see someone at a wedding in white, particularly a mother of one of the couple, I’ll wonder what statement is being made.

        • At my wedding some of my friends asked my why my MIL was wearing an off-whitish mini strapless dress. She’s not from North America but is from a place where you should still definitely not wear white to a wedding.

          I know for a fact that she was not making any sort of statement…she adores me and thinks I’m her kid. She’s just really clueless. I didn’t care either, she had cool turquoise matching shoes and a scarf accessories and looked hot.

      • Natalie

        Yeah, I would have been super pissed at anyone who chose to wear a formal white dress to my wedding. Not ok by me. Especially from the MOG, it feels like she’s trying to be the bride or steal the bride’s attention. I understand not everyone gives a damn, and that like everything about dress and weddings, it is cultural, but it would totally piss me off. I grew up in the South, and one of the life “rules” my mom told instilled in me is to never wear white or black to a wedding – white because it’s for the bride only, and black because it’s a color of mourning, and indicates you’re not happy about the wedding. The black rule is much more regional and I think much less commonly followed (and I’ve seen many gorgeous bridal parties all in black). But I think unless you know for sure the bride doesn’t care, one should never wear white to a wedding.

        • Jess

          “Especially from the MOG, it feels like she’s trying to be the bride or steal the bride’s attention.” THIIIIIIIIS.

      • A.

        I think this very much depends on your relationship with the person(s) involved. I.e., my cousin’s wife wore white to our wedding (apparently) and I didn’t notice, except that someone brought it up to me (and I definitely interacted with her, since her daughter was in the wedding).

        But if, say, a particular one of my my sisters-in-law had worn white? I would have taken that as a passive-aggressive FU move because A) she KNOWS that it’s not generally culturally cool and B) she has a habit of attempting to steal the spotlight, in any way possible. So for her, it wouldn’t have been about whether she was mistaken for the bride, but just that people would be talking about HER–even negatively–on our wedding day. Wouldn’t have ruined my day or anything, but it should have been a crappy motivation and I would have noted it.

        • Caitlin

          Yeah, it makes total sense to me why the particular relationship and and motivation is important for deciding how ok this is. I’m coming from a place where I am very lucky to not have any relatives like this, and I even suggested doing pale/neutral bridesmaids and was met with, “we can’t possibly!” Since I didn’t have strong feelings either way, I rolled with it, but I was surprised by the strength of the taboo for some people, even absent of any negative intent.

      • Jess

        I posted a longer version on Sosuli’s original thread last week, but…

        I find the custom (it’s a real thing!) of the Mom of Groom wearing whitish-creamish-ecru-champagne to be really squicky for a lot of infantilizing/”I loved him first” possessive reasons. Also it highlights whether or not the bride is in white-white in a passive-aggressive sort of way (in a culture where white-white is still for the girls who “saved themselves”… that’s really squicky for me too). Some of that is probably a real issue and some of it is probably just me.

        But like, if anybody else wore white or off white? I probably would not notice or care.

        • Natalie

          Yup. My friend’s MIL wore a pale cream-colored lace gown to the wedding. It looked like it was designed to be a bride’s dress. The MIL was not ready to let go of her little boy and was rather difficult about most aspects of wedding planning, and that dress really seemed like a fashion statement about how the MOG felt about the wedding – that it was all about her.

        • Caitlin

          Ew yeah, that is really squicky for both situations! My family, mom and mother in law in particular, are both super chill about wedding outfits, so I almost couldn’t imagine someone trying to make A Statement like this. I definitely agree that intent matters a lot. I think my thought process was more like, but what if there is no bad intentions at all? Because for me, I think then the taboo is a little silly, but I’ve been surprised by how much others still see it as a taboo in my own planning. I guess for myself, it seems less like a taboo at this point and more of a situation by situation thing.

      • Sosuli

        I see where you’re coming from, and I would never dictate what color my FMIL (or anyone) should wear… but I’m Scandinavian and for us it is really really not OK to wear white. (That could be a generalisation across Scandinavia but I don’t want to be more specific right now) our wedding is in the UK so I wold at least like for our traditions to be respected. Also FMIL is weirdly controlling and I have clashed with her on her attempts to dictate e.g. FH’s hairstyle in the past, so in my personal circumstances it is an extension of the weird control thing she’s got going on.

        • Caitlin

          Makes total sense to me. As I said, I didn’t mean that to your negate your experience at all, was just wondering about the topic in general. It sucks that you FMIL is trying to make A Statement and is generally being a butt. I have serious mother in law privilege (ha), so it’s eye opening to hear that someone would intentionally use dress color to assert control. I hope you are able to resolve it or your FMIL starts being less of a butt!

      • gonzalesbeach

        speaking of beyonce – didn’t she wear white to solange’s wedding? and then there’s all the kimk weddings. oh and pippa middleton at the royal wedding…

        • Sosuli

          I feel like (but am not 100% sure) that white was a theme at some of those weddings. At least solange’s, didn’t the groom also wear white? Obviously if someone has been asked or encouraged by the bride&groom to wear white, that’s OK. But if a conversation has already been had and the one wish expressed is not to wear “bridal” colors then surely it’s not too much to ask to just pick something unmistakeably not white?

          Also royal weddings just follow different rules to the rest of society in many ways. I’m saying that as a long term UK resident. Though I have noticed in my online searches that some department stores are stocking white dresses specifically for the MOB or MOG which seems to be a new trend.

          • gonzalesbeach

            oh yes I agree with you – once that conversation has taken place there should be respect for your wishes! I was just noting the overall trend and how lots of celeb weddings seem to be promoting the white wedding party thing. perhaps that and just availability of more light colored outfits could be influencing your fmil but it seems hard that she can’t respect your wishes. I guess if she still decides to wear light colors at the wedding to try not to let it colour (ha!) the day or your future relationship with her. although that would be difficult to get past! not sure how I’d react – probably poorly. but people won’t be paying much attention to her that day. and if you handle it with continued grace as it sounds like you have – it will go a long way and your other family members and fiancé will respect you all the more for it (her a little less).

          • Caitlin

            I was also thinking of the white wedding party as a trend. In general, I think this is one of those social customs that is in the process of evolving currently. So some might just see it as trendy to have their wedding party in white, while others might still be operating with the taboo mind set. Just making it one of those other potential pitfalls of misunderstanding that exist because of differing expectations in the wedding planning process, meaning intent and setting expectations are key. I’m personally not a fan of taboos in general or assuming intent. Not the case for Sosuli at all, where it sounds like here FMIL is trying to make A Statement, but in general, I would never assume without that type of context that someone wearing white meant something other than, this was a pretty dress and seemed to match/be trendy!

    • Sarah

      Solidarity! My husband had to straight up tell my MIL that she couldn’t wear the white lace gown she bought to the wedding. She wore a short gold dress instead, thankfully.

    • Birdy

      My FMIL wants to wear cream as well! It doesn’t really matter to me what color she wears, so it’s not as big a deal, but I do find it really interesting! My FMIL is European, so I thought it might be a cultural difference, but everything I can find on weddings in Europe indicate that the same no-white-if-you’re-not-the-bride rule applies. Do you have any theories as to how your FMIL got it into her mind that wearing white would be okay??

      • Sosuli

        My FMIL and I are both technically European – I’m Scandi and she’s British. The cultural differences within Europe are huge. I think it is increasingly OK in the UK to wear white, and some mother-of-the-blank dresses are even intentionally white or off white here now. At home (for me) it is still the one rudest thing you can do to wear white to someone else’s wedding. So it’s part cultural differences for us. Otherwise I think she generally likes pale shades… I just don’t get why she has to specifically wear white or off-white on this one occasion.

  • Alanna Cartier

    I OFFICALLY HAVE ALL MY BRIDESMAIDS. And I’m doing dress shopping with my mom this weekend.

  • NTB

    This has been the heaviest week of my life. My husband and I have been having issues for the last year. He moved out last Sunday. I have been alone for 6 days. I think he has been abusing me emotionally and using a tactic known as “gaslighting” against me to manipulate me in these last 3 years of our marriage. When I try to discuss things that bother me or issues in our marriage, he blames me for having “anger issues” and “mental problems.” When I had an abnormal pap last year, he wasn’t very sensitive about it, and told me that “it was all in my head until the results came back.” I am coming to terms with the fact that he is not happy with me, and that hurts. But I am aware, too, how unhappy I have been these past several months.

    He didn’t drink for 6 years, but then started smoking a lot of pot and ended going back to drinking again about a month ago. When I called him out on it, asking him about the change, he blamed me and said “it was not my problem if he chooses to drink and to leave him alone.” He is verbally abusive and physically aggressive to me when he drinks. And when he smokes pot, he’s checked out so much that talking/planning/discussing anything real is just impossible. He’s calm enough but the withdrawal from not using it for days after means he’s moody and unpredictable. It’s like walking on eggshells with him.

    Now he is saying that he is scared to lose me, yet he has had his phone turned off for days. I am staying with friends and he is living out of his office until I can trust that he can get better. I am afraid to live with him because I fear he will just keep playing the victim card and pushing it on me – he refuses to accept any responsibility. I also feel like he doesn’t really have a place to live right now, so moving back in together makes me feel like he’d just be using me for a place to live.

    I am scared, sad, and angry. This is not the person I married. Sorry to dump this here, but I need support. I know what I have to do, but it’s going to be a hard weekend. I’m going to have to tell him that I want to live apart for a while. I’m scared to do it but maybe I’ll feel empowered by holding some boundaries.

    Please keep me in your thoughts/prayers if you can. Thank you.

    • emilyg25

      I’m sorry.

    • A.

      I’m so sorry. Sending many positive thoughts, prayers and light your way.

    • Amy March

      Feel free to *not* do what you *have* to do. You do not have to tell him you want to live apart for a while. Instead, you can change the locks, stay with a friend, and block his number until you feel ready. You do not ever have to live with him again, because he scares you. You do not have to “trust” him to get “better” because he is not sick, he is an abusive drug addict with a drinking problem. You do not have to come to terms with the fact that he isn’t happy with you, because you don’t have take on the burden of his feelings.

      Whatever you need to do to keep yourself safe? That is the only thing you have to do.

      • G.

        Agree 100%. One technical legal thing — if you jointly own your home, you may not be able to change the locks without him knowing/giving him a key, depending on state laws.

        My sister went through something like this, or rather she still is, and it’s really hard, so my thoughts are with you and wishing you strength and a good community to support you. Also, if you’re not already, please see a therapist and a lawyer (if for no other reason to find out the laws of your state around abuse and divorce. Knowledge is power, even if it’s emotionally hard knowledge to acquire).

    • Ashlah

      I’m so sorry. Sending supportive thoughts your way. Living apart absolutely seems like the best choice, whether it ends up being permanent or not. It sounds like your husband needs some major help that he isn’t willing to get. He is being abusive and not being a partner to you. You are unhappy and you are scared, and it’s not fair. Please take care of yourself, and try not to take on the burden of worrying about him when he isn’t considering you.

    • So sorry, that sounds so tough. :(

    • Eenie

      From an internet stranger it sounds like you know what you need to do to stay safe, and you’re doing those things. I hope you have a good support system you can lean on right now.

    • Rebekah Jane

      Sending you positive thoughts, mental hugs and one piece of hard-learned advice – Walking away is hard, but staying strong is actually hardest thing you’ll ever do. BUT it’s the best thing you can do for yourself. Your health, both mental and physical, is your first and best priority and you never have to forfeit your safety or your feelings for another person.

    • Lizzie

      So sorry you’re going through this. I hope you have people close to you whom you can lean on right now.

    • Kara

      Internet hugs! I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Please be safe, and consider talking to the National Domestic Abuse Hotline http://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/.

      Take care of yourself, know that you matter, and above all, know that you deserve better–walking on eggshells, being in fear, it’s not good for your well being.

    • NotMarried!

      gas-lighting is the worst. Build your community of folks who can remind you of the TRUTH when you can’t seem to catch it yourself. And if you already haven’t, I can’t over-recommend the book “Boundaries”. It was life changing for me as I dealt with someone who engaged in similar manipulation and abuse.

    • Jess

      I am sending you a very large internet stranger hug. I’m so sorry.

      Do what you have to do to be safe, both physically and emotionally.

    • eating words

      I’m so sorry. That sounds so hard, and it sounds like you are absolutely doing what is best for you.

      The Metafilter thread that gets mentioned on here every so often (http://www.metafilter.com/151267/Wheres-My-Cut-On-Unpaid-Emotional-Labor, condensed version at https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B0UUYL6kaNeBTDBRbkJkeUtabEk/view?pref=2&pli=1) has a lot of insightful comments about gaslighting. You might find it helpful to read other people’s perspectives.

    • I’m so very sorry for you, and I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself and doing what’s best for you. You’re in my thoughts & I truly hope you get the support you need.

    • AmandaBee

      I’m really sorry to hear this, and really glad that you have separated yourself physically from him for now.

      Please do whatever you need to do for YOU right now, and if that means maintaining separation because you are not comfortable or safe around him, know that it’s 100% okay for you to make that choice.

      Please also know that you have done NOTHING to deserve this. Repeat that to yourself. Find some loved ones who support you and ask them to repeat it to you. His actions are a reflection of his issues and his choices, not any thing that you’ve done. It can be so easy to forget that, especially when someone is manipulative.

    • Alanna Cartier

      I spent five years in a relationship with a man exactly like this, we were engaged, we lived together, and I absolutely know how hard it can be. I’m sending big hugs. And if you need a stranger’s shoulder, at any point, I am here (alanna.cartier at gmail dot com)

    • Lisa

      I am so, so sorry you are going through this. I dated a guy like this (minus the drugs and drinking) for almost two years before I got up the courage to call it off. You are doing the best for yourself in a really tough situation, and you have to trust your judgment when he inevitably pushes back. You are strong and tough, and you totally have this. It sounds like you’ve got some good friends who are there for you, and you’ll be able to make it through to the other side.

    • I Lived

      I’m so sorry – while this doesn’t sound exactly like my experience, it does sound so familiar. It took me a long time after ending my last relationship to realize just how emotionally damaging it was to be in it (5 yrs). I am even just now (6 yrs later and happily married) coming to terms with what I would put under the physical (slash sexual) aggression category. I don’t think my brain would really let me process that until I got to a pretty stable place with everything else. It sounds like you are aware of what kind of behavior is threatening to you and have a good sense of how to protect yourself, so I want to echo others who are saying it’s so OK to make yourself your priority. Huge support coming your way, you can do this.

      • I Lived

        And sorry, I meant I was with him for 5 years, not that it took me 5 years to recover!!!

    • AP

      So sorry you’re going through this. I’ve been there, too. The lightbulb moment for me was when I realized I’d rather be alone for the rest of my life than continue to live in my terrible first marriage with an addicted, emotionally abusive spouse. Staying with him would have meant accepting that life with him may never change, and was I ok with that? The definite answer for me was no. I found Al-Anon to be very helpful during that time in my life. And trust me, there is life after this! You’re doing the right thing!

    • Thinking of you and sending you thoughts of peace. I’m so glad you kno what gaslighting is and that you are taking steps to protect yourself.

  • emilyg25

    This week, I decided that I want to drop to 80% time at work (that’s the minimum to get benefits at my organization). I’d been playing with the idea since I got pregnant two years ago, but I wasn’t comfortable with the trade-off in pay till now. I’m just away from my son too much. So my question is: When do I ask? I have a new VP coming in a few months, which may bring some substantial changes to my role. Do I wait for her to come and to prove myself or at least hear what she’s thinking change-wise? Or do I talk about it with my current supervisor (not a VP) and ask her to help me work this out? She’s a mentor and a friend so I trust her.

    • TeaforTwo

      I would do it now. It will take your new VP awhile to get up to speed, and he or she may not want to approve a change like that in the early days while they’re figuring things out. Some leaders are also really iffy on flexible work arrangements.

      If you do it now, it’s already in place, and will be seen as more of a given.

      • Eenie

        Plus you’re working with a mentor and a friend instead of a new boss you’re trying to impress!

        • emilyg25

          Plus my mentor/friend/boss previously had a part-time arrangement. Okay, so I know what I gotta do. But I’m scurred!

          • Eenie

            You got this. Worst thing that happens is they say no. Or you do it and hate it or find it not worth the pay cut. Isn’t there normally a trial period anyway? Like do it for 6 months and revisit to make sure company/employee is happy. That’s how it worked at my one company.

    • NTB

      I would do it now. This way, you will have enough information to make a decision and you can plan from there. It sounds like you have worked hard and have made a lot of sacrifices. You deserve to know and have your needs be heard.

    • emilyg25

      Okay, I told my current boss. And I cried. We’re going to bring it up to the VP and see what’ll work. It’s really hard for me because 1. my career has been #1 for me for 10 years and the idea of pulling back is terrifying, and 2. I really really want to make a good impression on the new VP. But I need to do what’s right for me too.

    • MDBethann

      I say go for it; they will hopefully be more receptive than you think and if they aren’t, it may not be as family-friendly of a work place as you’d like and you may need/want to start considering other options.

      That said, I cut back to 30 hours/week last month. I thought about it for a long time before doing it. Sought out colleagues who had similar schedules, even talked with some supervisors (not mine) who had similar schedules when they had young children. For me, it was a mix of my 2 hour RT daily commute, not having enough time with my baby daughter, and some health issues I developed in the last year. Explaining that mix to my managers in my PT request seemed to do the trick. I now have a schedule that is 1 9-hour day of teleworking, 3 (7 hour) days in in the office, and Fridays off. Our daycare doesn’t have a part-time option, so as long as I give them a heads up that I need to work on a Friday (especially if my daughter or I have been sick earlier in the week), I can use my Friday as a flex day, which has really reduced my need to take sick leave (and we’ve all been sick A LOT this winter).

      I get to take my daughter to daycare on the day I telework, I pick her up the other 3 days (which I couldn’t do before with my commute & an 8 hour day), and on Friday we take a toddler music class together and run errands (which frees up the weekend for either just being lazy or doing something fun with my husband). Granted, I’m taking a $20K paycut (before taxes), but it has really reduced the stress in our household (mine, mostly) and I get more time with our daughter, which is irreplacable in my book.

      Financially: We switched all of our benefits over to my husband’s job before I cut back my hours and I tracked our finances and savings for over 6 months to make sure we could afford it (and we paid a few things off first). Fortunately, we don’t eat out much and I’ve tried to cut back on the times that we do (used to be on Saturdays when we ran errands and I’d often get take out at least once a week at work; now both rarely happen). We checked our cell phones and went to the lowest data plan, saving ourselves $20/month and found a health insurance plan with fewer co-pays that also had a lower premium. It took some time and finagling last fall to get things in place, but I’m glad we did it.

      It IS scary and a bit of a challenge, but you need to do what is best for you and your family, and that includes more than just finances – emotional health, stress levels, physical health, etc. should all be part of the equation too. Good luck and I hope your employer is amenable to the change!

  • Eh

    This week was my first week back at work after 6 months of maternity leave. My husband is now staying home with our daughter for the next six months (we live in Canada). My daughter had a hard time with the transition (mostly not sleeping well and being grumpy). Since our daughter was 6 weeks old, my husband has been taking our daughter (usually with me, but occasionally without me) to a baby playgroup every week. This week she had not napped before going and she had been up for over 4 hours (she is a wreck if she is up more than 2 hours in the morning) so she was really cranky. Since she was screaming while he was putting her in her car seat, some of the moms were giving him advice like “sing to her” and his response was “she just needs a nap”. I am glad he was able to confidently respond to the moms and show that he knew what our daughter needed.

    Work has been a mess. It took until yesterday to get access to documents and I still don’t have access to the data I need to do my work. (At least I had a computer with internet a room with a locked door to pump.) As a coworker said, “it’s like no one ever comes back from mat leave” (she has been on Mat leave twice). With all of the problems, people jokingly asked if I told anyone I was coming back (yep, two weeks before I returned). Since taking a year is the norm, when people saw me they said “that was a quick year”, and then when I would say I am splitting with my husband a lot of people congratulated me for having my husband “stay home”. Also, I may have started a little trend at work. There were three women in my branch that had babies in August and two of us are splitting our leave with our husband. The other woman is coming back at the end of the month and her husband is taking five months (they are in a similar situation as us where the woman makes more money so financially it makes more sense for the husband to be off after our work stops toping up our wages at 6 months).

    Other small (or maybe big) victories for the week: I met my pumping goal, I am being transferred to a project at work that I want to work on, and we are checking out a daycare for our daughter next Tuesday. Now for some a much needed (long) weekend.

    • I love that you split your leave with your husband. We had to take concurrent leave due to my health but it would have been great to switch off too. Good luck with the daycare hunt!

    • Poppy

      I bet you’re right about you starting a trend! I just read about a forthcoming study by a labor economist named Gordon Dahl who tried to figure out what has led to a very high percentage of Norwegian fathers taking advantage of their paternity leave benefits. The most significant factor in his analysis was having a role model – as soon as one family in a work place had the father take parental leave, the percentage of men taking their benefits rose significantly. You guys are definitely fighting the good fight. Thank you!

      • Eh

        I read that too! And for fathers taking leave in my work place I will agree. Five years ago one (my now supervisor) took leave and since then a couple more have. I hope that more women at my work feel that it’s ok to split leave with their husbands since the policies at my work assume that women will take a year off (eg leaves less than a year are not filled, mine was because they just extended someone’s contract who was covering a mat leave that ended right after I left). Also I hope that more women split the leave so my work will have policies that are more welcoming for women to come back early (eg my work doesn’t have a pumping at work policy).

  • Has anyone else been following this Jian Ghomeshi mess of a trial?

    I feel like my feminist rage is going to into overdrive with some of the stuff I’ve been reading and the conversations I’ve been having with men who just CAN NOT comprehend why someone would wait 13 years before reporting an assault.

    The amount of women posting about their previous assaults and experiences and how watching this trial play out is making them glad they never reported is MUCH too high, as is the number of men commenting about all of the “correct ways” to handle your assault and if you aren’t handling it in X number of ways then OBVIOUSLY you are a liar and the assault never happened and you are just trying to ruin a man’s life.

    We need to find a better way to educate people about consent and find a better way to prosecute sexual assault cases. These can’t be the conversations we keep having about sexual assault.

    • Eh

      Charlie Angus’ comments this week (http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2016/02/11/charlie-angus-jian-ghomeshi-facebook_n_9208488.html) pretty much summed up my disgust for the trial. After the way the victims have been treated in court even fewer women are going to report assault.

      • And so few already do! I know a TON of women who have been assaulted that haven’t reported and only ever talk about their experiences to other women that they know very well.

        I can’t even imagine what the numbers are going to look like once he gets acquitted after such a high profile trial. I keep reading people say that it’ll only discourage liars from reporting and everyone else shouldn’t worry about it, but it’ll discourage anyone that isn’t the “perfect victim” when there is no such thing.

        I’m just so …disappointed. I want Canada to be better than this and I want a real conversation about how we can better support victims and better prosecute these types of cases.

        • Eh

          I’m pretty sure his lawyer could have found fault in anyone and exploited it to make them look bad.

    • Jess

      “The amount of women posting about their previous assaults and experiences and how watching this trial play out is making them glad they never reported is MUCH too high”

      This is my fear every damn public trial surrounding sexual assaults. Both the media (which is one thing) and the legal (which is quite another) treatment of victims is terrifying. I really can’t blame anybody for not reporting an assault, even though I know it should be done.

      • I can’t either. I was talking to a coworker this morning and he asked why someone would wait 13 years to report and only after it came out in the press. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

        My question is more like, with the system currently in place why WOULD anyone report unless they already had a significant amount of support behind them.

    • eating words

      Ugh, yes to all of this. It is simultaneously depressing and infuriating to see how women get treated. Because it’s all about making sure men feel comfortable, right? People are contorting themselves to make sure only women get blamed for crimes committed against them.

      • I was determined to stop reading about it today and then got sucked into a conversation about it in the office.

        I think there are a lot of men out there that have been blurring the lines of consent for a long time and would prefer that nothing change so that they don’t have to be held accountable. if you assault someone and they report it, you aren’t ruining their life and reputation, you ruined your own life and reputation the second you chose to assault someone.

        Ugh. :(

  • Laura C

    You guys, this week. Brutal. My job is writing about politics, so I’ve been working a lot of evenings — primaries and half the debates, 2-3 nights a week usually until at least 11 and then back to work at 9 the next morning. Meanwhile I’m 34 weeks pregnant and trying to stay active and keep working out even as I tire more easily, and we’re trying to get our apartment ready not just for a baby but for the fact that we’re moving across the country when baby is four months old, but just for a year so not worth bringing all our stuff. Every time my dad is going to be in the area for meetings he swings by and picks up another load of boxes to store in my parents’ attic, because while my MIL lives a mile away in a big house, she’s downsizing to a condo this year so she’s going to be needing storage herself. And the cat had four teeth pulled on Tuesday and he doesn’t really like canned food so getting him to eat has been kind of a challenge, to say nothing of how I got to start Tuesday morning feeling like the worst person in the world at 6:45 jamming him in his carrier as he trustingly danced around expecting me to feed him.

    It’s mostly so frustrating that because of work, the last couple months we have to be just a couple and do stuff together is so time pressured. I’m taking Monday off work since my husband has a three-day weekend automatically, and it’s like “ok, how can we simultaneously move our apartment work forward, go out and do fun stuff, and feel like we had a relaxing weekend with plenty of rest?” It feels like just having that question in mind and having to plan around it will already make it less relaxing. Oh, and last night I had an epic bout of acid reflux that woke me up at 3:30 feeling like I might throw up, and even when that doesn’t happen my sleep quality is definitely not what it was.

    • Maggie Dragon

      That sounds terrible. Sending best wishes your way– just remember that all of this is temporary, even though it feels overwhelming. The cat’s mouth will heal; work will eventually get less crazy. What my fiance and I tend to do if we want to have some couple time while still feeling restful is actually not to go out– we’ll order takeout and pick a movie that both of us what to watch. Might be an idea worth kicking around?

      • Laura C

        Oh, we’re definitely going to do that! Last night’s Top Chef episode plus Meet the Patels on tap for tonight, though instead of takeout I think we’re doing scrambled eggs and potatoes … I just feel like I need a solid three days of that alone then another few days to do other stuff, and that we don’t have. I’m just reminding myself that just because I feel like I need a solid three days of just Netflixing at home doesn’t mean I actually do — doing that tonight, a movie-at-the-theater tomorrow, dinner out tomorrow (we have gift cards to use before baby comes), more Netflix-at-home time interspersed with packing and organizing Sunday and Monday … it should be ok.

    • Hugs from a 32-weeker! The restless nights and pregnancy hormones make everything worse — I told my husband my capacity for dealing with things is about on the level of someone who pulled an all-nighter (ie functional, but barely)…and a good day is when I feel like I pulled an all-night *two* nights ago haha.
      You can do it! Like Maggie said, it’s all temporary. (BTW, we were also planning on moving shortly after the baby came…and now we’re doing it 6 weeks before the baby comes! I had been planning on getting one of those combined baby seats/play pen things (eg Graco Pack ‘n Play Playard Snuggle Suite LX). It *might* last you four months and then you could get a real crib after you move?)

      • Laura C

        I have been so, so lucky as far as the physical toll. If I’d had a less lucky pregnancy in that regard, I don’t know how we’d be functioning — but then because I know I’m doing well, I feel like I have to just keep plugging along getting the same amount of stuff done as always. Which I can just about do, except for being more tired at the end of it and constantly flirting with burnout. Which is not ideal. But I don’t feel comfortable saying to my colleagues “hey, in addition to having to step up while I’m on a few months of parental leave, you’re also just going to have to pick up my slack now.”

        We’re planning on a travel crib for as long as we can, too, unless someone gives us a hand-me-down crib in which case I guess we take the free crib because adding it to what we’re moving is still cheaper and easier.

    • TeaforTwo

      This sounds awful, I’m sorry to hear how overwhelming your week has been.

      I used to think that it was horrible sexism the way that pregnant women are treated like glass figurines, and resented the hell out of all of the “pregnancy brain” jokes about forgetfulness etc.

      And then I got pregnant. I’m in the “fun” and “easy” second trimester, and I definitely have more energy than I did 10 weeks ago, but I’m also at about 70% of my old self on a good day. I am forgetful. I am exhausted. My belly is itchy, my back hurts, I’m not sleeping and I’m distracted because I have this slightly major thing happening in my personal life.

      I cannot imagine tacking a move onto long hours onto pregnancy. Fist bump.

    • Alanna Cartier

      I’m sending very big hugs!

    • Mary Jo TC

      34 weeks pregnant fist bump! I’m so uncomfortable right now, hope you’re doing at least slightly better. I’m definitely feeling you on how hard it is to sleep when you’re a giant whale. Just set some super modest goals for the weekend and procrastinate everything else while you Netflix. I hope you have a three-day weekend like I do!

    • emilyg25

      We like to say that the last month (or two) of pregnancy is so incredibly miserable so you stop being afraid of labor and just want that goddamn thing out of you.

  • MC

    Have a big thing to work on at work today but I wanted to pop in and say I GOT A RAISE Y’ALL! A 20% raise!! Which working for a tiny nonprofit is HUGE and it was kind of unexpected! I’ve been feeling some job ennui lately and wondering if I would want to move on soon, even though I love so many aspects of my job and workplace – turns out, making more money really helps put a lot of that to rest :)

    Also Husband & I joined an adult kickball team with a bunch of friends – I have never been on a sports team ever in my life so I’m excited for something new!

    All that + Beyonce = pretty good week.

    • Lizzie

      Wow, congrats! Funny how well money motivates, isn’t it?

    • Eenie

      Hell yes.

    • Lisa

      Congratulations!! That’s amazing!

  • Maggie Dragon

    I have a big enough chunk of my first dissertation chapter written to actually send to my advisor this weekend! Getting through this has been such a big hurdle (the first semester after my proposal was composed of teaching three classes, getting engaged and my fiance herniating a disc in his back so badly I played caretaker for two months). It actually feels doable now. We’re also only $700 away from having everything paid for our honeymoon, which is also a huge load off my shoulders. We opted for a Viking River Cruise, which will be amazing, but that was a scary sum of money to commit too.

    • MDBethann

      Viking River Cruises are AWESOME. Food is delicious, you get most of your tours included, wine & beer are included at meals, and unlike the big ocean cruise lines (which is what we did for our honeymoon), you are typically in a port all day and just sail at night.

      Where are you going? We did a Rhine River Christmas market cruise 2 years ago and loved it. I will happily go again. I hope you have a wonderful time!

      • Maggie Dragon

        Awesome. I’m glad to hear that you enjoyed it! We’re doing one of the Danube cruises, so we’ll be in Budapest, Vienna, some little german towns and Nuremberg. How was the Christmas market cruise? When I lived in France, the local Christmas market was one of my favorite parts.

  • Emily

    Can’t wait to read more of your work, Jareesa! Welcome :)

    • Thank you!

      • Haven’t been this excited about an intern/fellow since Rachel. YAY times a thousand!

  • Alex

    Ahh yay, fellow pi day (and lady scientist!) bride! So happy for you!!!

    • C_Gold

      Were all of us who got married on 3/14/15 scientists??? :)

      • Alex

        Hahaha quite possibly…. I mean, we are calling it [properly] Pi Day and not “Pie Day” (yes, I did see that published in the blog world last year…)

      • Ha, I never even caught that! I’m sure that was actually it.

  • Christina McPants

    What is sadder than a sick baby? Absolutely nothing, except the increasing desperate series of texts / gchat messages from the spouse home with them.

    • StevenPortland

      This gets better as they get older. On Tuesday night I cleaned up vomit and did laundry 5 times in the middle of the night. But my 8 year old was able to be OK with what was going on and not freak out about it. Then the next day while home from school he watched Star Wars while I worked. So much easier than with a baby! I hope yours gets well very soon.

      • Christina McPants

        That’s what’s killing me! She doesn’t know what’s wrong, why she can’t sleep well, how to blow her nose, so we torture her with the nosefrida. So, of course, it’s no fun for us either.

    • MDBethann

      Right there with you. We’ve been dealing with colds & ear infections in our one year old (and then us) nearly constantly since early December. We had a bit of a reprieve in early February after a stomach virus, but for the last week we’ve been in cold-land again. It totally sucks. I’ve been told that after the first 2 years of daycare/preschool/school, the sick thing gets better. Hang in there! I dno’t think this lousy DC/Baltimore weather of cold/warm/cold/warm/cold/warm has helped much, either.

  • eating words

    I had a third phone interview this morning for a job that would be a really great fit for me. I’m trying not to get too excited, but it’s hard not to when I really, really want to move on from my current situation.

    Also: yay, Jareesa!

    • KPM

      Fingers crossed for you!

      • eating words

        Eeeee, thank you!

  • anon

    I think Meryl Streep sounds a lot more than a teensy bit racist and Zika is scaring the crap out of me. Anyone try those Thinx yet?

    • Kayjayoh

      I think Meryl Streep sounded hella racist, in a privileged, thoughtless way. Like, it takes dedicated thoughtlessness to decide that was an appropriate thing to say/time to say it.

      • A.

        Right?! And everyone keep saying that she was joking/being sarcastic/winking at the camera, like that makes it better. Like you said, appalling thoughtlessness. Honestly, she hasn’t exactly been impressing me lately, to put it mildly. I suppose in this day and age, it’s hard to not end up figuratively “meeting your idols” and seeing their [often glaring, ugly, hella racist] flaws, since we have so much access now.

        • Kayjayoh

          Especially since she’s been one of the vocal “pay women more” folks. Wasn’t she nodding along when Patricia Arquette was calling for PoC and LGBT people to stand with women the way women stood with them (Like…that itself has so many problems to unpack) and then she’s not standing with Black people? What? (And the mess that was the whiteness of Suffragette.)

          • A.

            Yup. She’s become a parodic spokeswoman for The White Feminist Movement.

          • Kayjayoh

            Exactly. STAHP!

    • Meryl been on my list since she wore that “I’d rather be a rebel than a slave” t-shirt.

      • eating words

        Wait… she wore a… what?

        • anon

          Oh yeah, did you not see that? It was a promo photo shoot for the Suffragette movie (I think? someone correct me if I’m wrong). A group of all white women wore white t-shirts with “I’d rather be a rebel than a slave” written on them. Even in context I thought it was completely tasteless and offensive.

          • ART

            Wow, tone deaf at best…and the context of the suffragist movement doesn’t do much to buffer it (does make me think of this comic that I love http://www.harkavagrant.com/index.php?id=356)

          • eating words

            That is awesome.

          • ART

            (and I didn’t mean to put words in anon’s mouth re: context. I haven’t seen the movie and I see that it’s about the British movement and not the American one and that there are differences in the history, etc. But Ms Streep *is* American, so you’d think she might have heard it in THAT context and said, yeah, no. But then she didn’t?)

          • Leah

            See my post above. No one seems to have researched this much. The quote is the most famous quote of the British character she played and the photo shoot was done in the U.K. in front of a British audience who understood exactly what the significance was. The character never referenced slaves in America. It was a real quote by a real British person and is part of history.

          • Hope

            Thank you for explaining how this came about. I appreciate your comment and felt it added context to the discussion here.

        • Yup, you read that right. Check it out – https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2015/10/07/ripping-meryl-streep-to-shreds-over-a-t-shirt/

          Apparently it was a quote from Suffragette, but it still rubbed Black women the wrong way.

          • eating words

            I am speechless. Why would anyone think that’s appropriate? The fact that it’s a quote from the movie doesn’t excuse anything. My skin is crawling just thinking about it.

          • Hope

            Thank you for sharing this and opening my eyes to a view I otherwise wouldn’t have seen.

          • EF

            ah, more than quote from suffragette, it was a quote from an actual speech circa 1920.

            (note: this doesn’t defend the shirt today. bad idea now. good idea to know women’s history, lack of intersectionality, and then do better!!!)

        • AP

          Yes. And *then* when people called them out on it, the actresses were completely dismissive and like, “it’s ok for REASONS.” I ended up not seeing it in the theater because of this. I was super excited up until that point.

      • A.

        D:

        *vomit.gif*

      • La’Marisa-Andrea

        Same. Sigh.

      • Leah

        Well, the phrase on the shirt was he most famous quote of the British character she played. Also, it was at a photo shoot in the U.K. for a U.K. film and audience and a U.K. newspaper. The quote was significant there.
        Making it about slaves in the U.S. is taking it out of context and looking at it from a U.S.-centric view. There were slaves in all countries at one time or another. The British character she played would not have been referring to American slaves.

        • Here’s the thing Leah – we live in a global world. Meryl is an AMERICAN movie star, so you have to think that photos of her starring in a movie anywhere globally is going to make it here to the US.

          Regardless to the quote, the UK DID have African slaves, UK sailors & ships were huge in the African slave trade before they banned slavery in the 1800’s, and some of Britain’s practices during colonialism could be considered more barbaric than American slavery. So let’s not act like Brits during the time that the quote originated didn’t know what slavery was.

          And really? I don’t need you to Whitesplain to me about Meryl Streep and her shirt. I know the context. It’s still shitty. You defending her isn’t going to change how I view Meryl or that damn shirt.

          • EF

            ah sorry, did not see this reply before! totes agree with you, jubilance — especially with the fact that though a uk quote (and most young feminists i know here in the UK are like ‘yes this is history, but let’s not use it now) but globalism IS A THING. sigh.

    • Eenie

      I’m extremely concerned about Zika. And how only women are being told to not get pregnant. Yet no one’s said: Men should stop having unprotected sex with women! I’m so afraid for what happens to this generation of children in the affected areas.

      • Jess

        I’m super freaking concerned for all the reasons stated in the linked article. Because this is yet another thing exposing women to risk and the world is simultaneously like, “hey, this is a big deal” and “But… it only seems to be really serious for pregnant women. I know, we’ll just tell them not to be pregnant. They can just shut that shit down with their hormones, right?”

        I get the issues with turning a very patriarchal/Catholic society on its head are really really huge and saying, “Men-folk, this risk means you need to either use contraception or abstain from sex with risk of pregnancy until we find a cure. We’re also providing low cost highly effective birth control to everyone and will increase screenings for birth defects with full access to all options for everyone showing issues with the pregnancy!” sounds completely against the Church, but…

        We could have done better than this, right?

    • Kayjayoh

      Dear Meryl, starring in “Out of Africa” totally doesn’t count.

    • AP

      Between her recent comments and those terrible t-shirts promoting Suffragette, I’m really over Ms. Streep these days.

      • A.

        And she’s never apologized for anything, right? Or even really retracted, even with all the controversy? Ugh.

    • Meryl is embarrassing right now, Zika is terrifying, and I totally want to try Thinx (and/or maybe the competitor Knixwear https://www.knixwear.com/collections/liner-fresh-fix-technology). Going to wait until a little closer to my next cycle to order so I get the full benefit of the 60 day guarantee, but very curious to see what happens! They sound amazing for a light bleeder.

  • Hey yall! Can I tell you how excited I am about joining the APW team? I’m ecstatic! Thank you to Meg, Maddie, Najva and the rest of the team for the warm welcome and getting me up to speed. I’m really excited to work on my writing and keep sharing with the APW community.

    Also, yall know my government name now so we all family, LOL.

    • Yaaaaaay! Congratulations!! :D

    • There are not enough yays available so I will just watch Formation one more time in your honor and assume you will slay this job like our Queen Bey.

    • Rebekah Jane

      I’m so excited to see this news! I always enjoy reading your pieces and your presence in the comment section always makes me smile. Plus, lovin’ that ATL connection! So, congrats, congrats, congrats!

    • Kayjayoh

      So excited to read your writing this year.

    • Meghan

      I saw your bio/picture and my immediate thought was, “Is that Jubilance? I hope it’s Jubilance!” Congratulations! Can’t wait to read what you’ll be writing!

      • Laura C

        Same reaction here.

        • Kristengstmartin4

          ❝my .friend’s mate Is getting 98$. HOURLY. on the internet.❞….two days ago new McLaren. F1 bought after earning 18,512$,,,this was my previous month’s paycheck ,and-a little over, 17k$ Last month ..3-5 h/r of work a days ..with extra open doors & weekly. paychecks.. it’s realy the easiest work I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months ago and now making over 87$, p/h.Learn. More right Here!:b206➤➤➤➤➤ http://GlobalSuperEmploymentVacanciesReportsSec/98$hourly…. .❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:::::!:b206…….

      • Chris

        seconded!

      • E.

        Same!

        • Patricialdavis2

          ❝my .friend’s mate Is getting 98$. HOURLY. on the internet.❞….few days ago new McLaren. F1 bought after earning 18,512$,,,this was my previous month’s paycheck ,and-a little over, 17k$ Last month ..3-5 h/r of work a days ..with extra open doors & weekly. paychecks.. it’s realy the easiest work I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months ago and now making over 87$, p/h.Learn. More right Here;b87➤➤➤➤➤ http://GlobalSuperEmploymentVacanciesReportsOnline/GetPaid/98$hourly…. .❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:::::;b87…….

        • Lindyrgriffin1

          ❝my .friend’s mate Is getting 98$. HOURLY. on the internet.❞….few days ago new McLaren. F1 bought after earning 18,512$,,,this was my previous month’s paycheck ,and-a little over, 17k$ Last month .,3-5 h/r of work a days ..with extra open doors & weekly. paychecks.. it’s realy the easiest work I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months ago and now making over 87$, p/h.Learn. More right Here;b432➤➤➤➤➤ http://GlobalSuperEmploymentVacanciesReportsApps/GetPaid/98$hourly…. .❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:::::;b432…….

        • Cecily Berry

          ❝my .friend’s mate Is getting 98$. HOURLY. on the internet.❞….two days ago new McLaren. F1 bought after earning 18,512$,,,this was my previous month’s paycheck ,and-a little over, 17k$ Last month ..3-5 h/r of work a days ..with extra open doors & weekly. paychecks.. it’s realy the easiest work I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months ago and now making over 87$, p/h.Learn. More right Here!b190➤➤➤➤➤ http://GlobalSuperEmploymentVacanciesReportsHouse/GetPaid/98$hourly…. .❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:::::!b190…

        • Dorothytthompson4

          ❝my .friend’s mate Is getting 98$. HOURLY. on the internet.❞….two days ago new McLaren. F1 bought after earning 18,512$,,,this was my previous month’s paycheck ,and-a little over, 17k$ Last month ..3-5 h/r of work a days ..with extra open doors & weekly. paychecks.. it’s realy the easiest work I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months ago and now making over 87$, p/h.Learn. More right Here!b859➤➤➤➤➤ http://GlobalSuperEmploymentVacanciesReportsHours/98$hourly…. .❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:::::!b859…..

    • Kara

      Congrats!!! So excited to read more of your amazing work!

    • C_Gold

      Augghhh! Congratulations, Jubilance, fellow Pi Day bride!!

    • CamperHill

      Holy moly!! Congrats!! I am so excited for you! I recognize you as a commenter from years back on AAM and it’s pretty cool to see you getting to write in a new space here – feels like worlds colliding :) Can’t wait to read more from you!

    • Jessica

      Yay! Congratulations! When I saw the note about a woman of color hired as the writing fellow I had a feeling it’d be you <3. Can't wait to read your future pieces!

      • Eenie

        Has Google been putting the newsletter in anyone else’s promo folder? It keeps skipping my inbox….and it makes me sad.

        • AGCourtney

          I think you can drag the newsletter into your ‘primary’ folder and it learns to put it there.

    • rg223

      Congrats! Can’t wait to read more of your writing!

    • So, so stoked!

    • AGCourtney

      Congratulations!!! Also, I’m having a “HA” moment to myself, because when you wrote that post about racism in the workplace, I thought, hmm, that sounds like *place*, and I was right. Not that it’s hard to guess that in Minneapolis, but still, haha. Congrats again, I’m so happy for you.

      • Ha, I kinda figured folks were gonna figure it out. Thanks lady!

    • EF

      YAY SO EXCITED TO READ MORE FROM YOU!!

  • Lisa

    Today I am riding the struggle bus, guys. Last night some drunk assholes parked their SUV outside of our condo at 2:30 AM and, after 15 minutes of loud conversation, they cranked up their stereo as high as possible. We called the Badtown PD around 3:00 AM to report the noise, and they didn’t show up until 1.5 hours later, which was of course 2 minutes after the SUV finally decided to leave. So I’ve been up since then and am running on fumes before I go to rehearsal tonight.

    In other news, thanks to a reeeeeally long investigative search, I now finally know the name to this song, which is what started their jam session.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQkBeOisNM0

    • Kayjayoh

      I assume egging them from the shadows was not a viable option.

      • Lisa

        Ha, mostly I just wanted to sleep! I thought about trying to heckle them from the balcony, but people love their guns down here, which makes me so nervous to piss anyone off.

        • Kayjayoh

          LOL. True. I have a fond fantasy, when biking, of having an egg/paintball launcher on my handlebars, for obnoxious, dangerous drivers. But I know it could *only* be a fantasy.

  • Y’all I had a behavioral interview today for a permanent position at the job I’ve been temping at for the last 5 months. It was the first time I was thankful for having such a varied work history. There is literally no “tell me a time when…” that I have not experienced. I feel good about the interview, but the other applicants are my co-workers who are also well qualified. There aren’t many full-time positions available anywhere in my state so competition is stiff. Sigh. I really hate shitty job markets.

    • eating words

      Ha! I also have noticed that I always have an answer for “Tell me about a time when…” questions. Wishing you tons of luck.

  • Eenie

    How do you write a wedding ceremony? I’ve got the APW articles tagged, but we just haven’t had the time/desire to start. I know it’s important. We probably should have hired an actual officiant instead of a friend, since they would actually know how to do this. Any tips? Non religious, goal is 15ish minutes.

    • Eh

      Start with something that’s canned and then edited to suit you. I find it always easier to write when something is already on the page. We wrote our ceremony. Our officiant gave us a basic script and we added in the personal parts.

      • AP

        This is what we did as well. Our secular officiant had a few templates to choose from, none of which were a great fit. So I picked the closest one and changed everything about it except the order of events. And since our officiant was a stranger (it was a destination wedding) I preferred writing it ourselves and just sending him the script.

    • I’ve been trying to figure this out too. So far I’ve been doing a lot of stealing and putting bits and pieces from ceremonies I’ve found online into the basic framework of a ceremony.

      I’m nowhere done yet but stealing and using a framework to start with has been super helpful so far.

    • Laura C

      That’s more or less how we did it. Pulled together like five-six different ceremony scripts from the internet, got a sense from them of the overall flow, and picked our favorite version of each part of the ceremony. Then once we had it roughed out like that, we did a little tweaking and smoothing. It ended up being a lot easier than I expected. Partly, I think, because we weren’t looking to have a giant personal emotional writing-our-own-vows thing. We wanted it to sound like a wedding, minus overt religion, with a focus on equality and reality (like including bits about, you know, accepting each other’s weaknesses).

    • Ditto on the advice to start with someone canned. You can Google standard wedding ceremony scripts, and then start editing to fit your needs.

    • Alex

      Ours was super short and sweet, we were planning for around 10 minutes and then my [now] brother-in-law (who also had never officiated a wedding) talked a wee bit faster than anticipated and the whole ceremony clocked in at 7.5 minutes. It was really awesome to have my husband’s brother marry us (in spite of lack of experience), and I whole heartedly support your choice to do the same. We wrote our own (short) vows which was the most important part. We’re not religious but we said what we wanted to say and filling up time/space with more words wasn’t that important. I included portions from MA’s decision to legalize same sex marriage (marriage is a vital social institution, etc.) because even though we’re not a same-sex couple I really like how true that statement rings for me. There were still lots of tears even in only 7 minutes. Vows, man :)

    • Meg

      the unitarian minister gave us a book of ceremonies to pick from. He would actually write them for people. one of them was somehow written to work in a bunch of Prairie home companion references???? We did not choose that one lol

    • Kayjayoh

      We cribbed from the basic ceremony in the Lutheran hymnal, and used the APW “parts” guide to translate the religious ceremony into a secular one.

    • StevenPortland

      Why not give all the stuff you’ve copy-and-pasted and give it to the friend-officiant, then let the friend take over? I think part of the specialness of awedding is to have it created by someone else, although you could write your vows.

      • Eenie

        I just shared it with her! In theory I liked the idea of doing it ourselves, but it feels very inauthentic to write something that someone else is going to be saying.

        • ART

          That method worked really well for us. We wrote some transitions around the reading and vows and whatnot that were important to me, and wrote some welcome stuff to be sure to acknowledge people’s travel and the basics of the pronouncement, but we let her do the rest. Her address was really lovely and she added “live long and prosper” to the pronouncement which made us laugh right before the kiss.

    • the cupboard under the stairs

      We’re getting married in July, and a friend is officiating. We cobbled together a bunch of our favorite internet-sourced phrases for the vows and stuck in some other placeholder text that I know our friend wants to help write. I feel like the structure of the ceremony was my biggest question, and frankly you don’t find answers about that on most websites. Here’s what I think we’re going with:

      Welcome + Remarks about us as a couple (Officiant)
      Reading (possibly the text of Beethoven’s Immortal Beloved letter)
      Short remarks on what marriage is all about and why it’s special (Officiant, is indeed married!)
      Another reading (some poem, probably)
      Vows (“Do you promise…” “I do”)
      Ring exchange (the repeat-after-me routine)
      Kiss
      DONE

      Hope this helps!

    • Ilora

      A bit late to the party but I found https://www.officianteric.com/wedding-ceremony-samples/ to be invaluable when we were writing our ceremony. There are lots of sample texts for each ‘part’ of the ceremony, with all of the traditional parts as well as some different cultural aspects, as well as more modern ‘parts’ (ie unity ceremony, love letters/wine box). There are a variety of secular and religious samples in each section. I just copied all of the ones I liked into a document and then cut and pasted them together (even to the point of taking three different ‘intro to vows’ pieces and mashing them together in a way that I liked).

      Also, I absolutely loved our ceremony, and it was worth doing, but also mentally exhausting. I needed to take breaks from working on it, and by the end when my mom offered to help me finish the last two sections that needed work I was so happy to have it off my plate that I nearly cried. Fortunately, having her and my dad touch up their sections (we had a different person for each ‘part’, no one person was the ‘officiant’…we had an ‘officiant party’ instead of a ‘wedding party’) also made them more meaningful. Long story short: a) take breaks to preserve your sanity. b) if someone you trust offers to help, let them!

    • Sarah E

      Start here: http://unitarian-stcatharines.org/rites/personalizeWeddingCeremony.htm

      We wrote our own secular ceremony, and started from this outline. It’ll show you the parts you may want to have, plus a handful of suggestions to script each one. We picked over all the language, pulled out the phrases we liked and put them in the slots we wanted, added readings and whathaveyou. Anything that didn’t quite make the cut to be a reading also got plagiarized and put into the ceremony script. Hands-down, that link was the best resource we used. (Pulled it from a long ago APW post, don’t remember which one)

  • Kayjayoh

    So, after having a delightful 40th birthday present from Beyonce this weekend, I decided to get a ticket to her Boston show in June. And I did. One ticket. I decided to save myself the drama and struggle of figuring out if/which of my local friends likes Beyonce enough to go/has the budget/has the availability. I’m not sure what a big stadium show will be like solo, but I’m up for it. :)

    • Awesome, what a boss move! I feel like solo concerts are always fun – you can people watch, you don’t have to put up with anyone’s whining, and when you’re ready to leave, you can go.

      • Kayjayoh

        The challenging part will be getting there. It is in the stadium where the Patriots play, but public transit usually only goes there for games. And I’m not excited to try to drive to it. (I don’t have my own car, anyway.)

        I did make me miss my Madison friends, since I know I could get at least one of them to be excited for Bey, too. :)

        • eating words

          There ought to be a Beyonce ride board. Or maybe it’s just called Uber.

        • EF

          it’s not *too* far to the walpole commuter rail stop! and i’ve been to a couple concerts at gilette on my own — the rolling stones was amazing there circa 2007 — and it’s always been fine.

          i usually taxi it from walpole, but leaving the stadium/all that traffic is a bitch!

      • MC

        And you know at a Beyonce concert that EVERYONE there will be as stoked as you are so if you’re lonely you can make concert friends!

    • emilyg25

      Oh, have fun! Once upon a time, Jezebel (I think) posted a list of like 5 things that a woman should do by herself once. Go to a concert, go to a movie, eat dinner out, travel. The concert I went to solo was the best and also the only time I’ve seen a true, spontaneous, unexpected encore, after almost all the crowd left. Amazing.

      • Kayjayoh

        I’ve been to many things solo, but not a stadium show. I haven’t really even been to a stadium show, period. (I saw Weezer at a collesium show once, so I guess there is that?)

        I also saw Hamilton solo last month. It’s a year of doing things solo. :)

    • C_Gold

      That sounds AWESOME. I’ve been to smaller shows alone and always had an amazing time. I think it would be even better at a show like this.

      • Kayjayoh

        It’s definitely more fun to go solo than to go with someone who is ho-hum about being there.

        • Amy March

          I’ve seen Taylor Swift alone a couple of times and it was a blast! Amazing people watching until the concert starts, and then everyone in the crowd is a friend anyway for the show.

    • Lizzie

      Heck yeah! Happy birthday!! I just (well, a few weeks ago) bought myself a single ticket to one of Adele’s NYC shows in September for my 30th birthday. I’m thinking red lipstick, a drink or two beforehand at a fancy bar with a great book, etc. We’re gonna have amazing times!

    • Jessica

      That’s awesome! I was delighted to see that she is playing an open-air stadium a half mile from our house. We have been treated to a Rolling Stones and One Direction concert in our back yard, so I’m looking forward to hearing the sweet sounds of Beyonce over BBQ in a couple months.

      • Kayjayoh

        Those are the best. I had a few of those when I lived in Madison.

    • KPM

      I went to her last tour. It was with a friend but honestly the show is LOUD and truly all encompassing, I don’t think we did more than stupid grin at each other the whole time. And we totally made “friends” with those around us, as in, dancing/singing together without ever actually talking.

      Rideboard or seeing if you know friends of friends for getting there does sound like a good idea.

      HAVE FUN! Debating going again myself ;)

    • La’Marisa-Andrea

      You’re going to have an excellent time. Happy birthday!

      • Kayjayoh

        Thanks. :)

    • jb123

      Happy birthday! Possibly we should be friends- I impulse purchased two tickets to the June 3 show and did find a friend to come with me. We’re trying to figure out if there will be a fierce version of the Patriots Train going since neither of us has a car either! Let me know if you find anything and I’ll do the same!

    • Anna

      When I went to the On the Run Tour the women next to us was by herself and she had a great time and we became friends. You will have a ton of fun.

  • OliveMC

    Also so excited to read more from Jareesa! I’m currently getting my PhD in chemistry…mad props, girl. It’s a crazy life.

    • Ooh where are you going to school and what’s your research in? I was in no way prepared for life as a PhD student which is why I left with my MS after I passed my quals. My research was in synthesis & characterization of conjugated polymers for LCDs & OLEDs.

      • OliveMC

        I’m at Michigan State making nanomaterials for biomedical devices. LOVE polymers <3 Still hanging on after 3.5 years…

        • OMG, I grew up in Lansing! I got my love of science thanks to taking a million summer & after-school programs at MSU. I went to Minnesota for undergrad, but I had a ton of friends who went to State, and State always had the best parties. One of my best friends in grad school did work on biodegradable polymers for biomedical devices *fist bump*

          • OliveMC

            No way! That is awesome! I do outreach with some of those awesome community programs :) Yay science!

        • Alex

          Materials Science PhD from Michigan, woot, woot! yaaay polymers! (I did battery research though ;) ). Finishing is the hardest part for SURE so best of luck!!!

  • Pingback: Friday Faves and Some Career News | Black Girl Unlost()

  • Rose

    Why is it, with an workplace “housekeeping” task (literally, actually, in this case, annual lab clean-up), no matter how well you think you’ve set up the system so that everyone has to take responsibility for a relatively equal amount of work, the women end up doing most of it anyway?

    • Alex

      because people suck. At my company (where we also have lab clean-ups), it’s not so much the women (mainly since there are oh so very few of us ;) ) but moreso every-person-who-isn’t-a-senior-staff-person. HELLO not feeling like my time is valued AT ALL. It sucks, and I’m sorry you’re having to deal with it today :(

      • Rose

        Yeah. I don’t mind doing it, really, I think for us it’s reasonable to expect the post docs and grad students to spend part of one day a year cleaning (although I also think it’s a much better thing when the PI joins in too). And it’s a little bit hard, because when the men don’t help as much, it’s usually for what seems like a really legitimate reason–like being out of town. On the other hand, if it were a date when I was out of town, we probably wouldn’t have scheduled it for today. Levels of bias.

        • Alex

          At work, it’s “Oh I’m a senior person and I have a client coming in for a visit so we MUST clean the labs tomorrow at XPM.” and then said senior person doesn’t show and expects younger staff to do all the janitorial work (literally sweep floors and repaper tables). Sounds like your dudes are just the typical male very poor planners ;) (to their advantage this time!)

          • Rose

            Oh god, that would drive me up the wall. At least this is more or less us cleaning up our own accumulated mess for our own sakes.

      • Eenie

        Ha, I also don’t work with enough women for this to ever be an issue. I just walked past no fewer than 10 men sweeping the floor.

    • Carolyn S

      I’m sooooo grateful I work at a company that is large enough that we have support staff to tidy the kitchen, so it never turns into a battle for who left the mess…

    • AMEN

  • Kate

    I need ideas for how to help manage a family crisis long distance. One of my younger sisters is in the middle of a serious health crisis that will probably end in pretty invasive surgery. My parents, particularly my mother, are sick, stressed out, and feeling guilty for not detecting the issue sooner. I’ll probably be taking some time off soon to help out, but I’m going to wait until we know a little bit more so I can time it for maximum helpfulness. In the meantime, any ideas for how to help lessen the burden from afar? Or fun things to send to a 13 year old who is mostly bedridden/being heavily medicated for pain? She has requested I send her a boyfriend ASAP.

    • Rose

      Would she like audiobooks? Probably relatively easy to buy some online as gifts through Amazon or something, I’d guess, and you could probably find some that would be light and distracting without having to require a lot of focus.

    • Amy March

      If she wants a boyfriend, magazines and every Nicholas Sparks movie on whatever format she has access to. Lip gloss. A necklace with a charm on it to keep her sister close.

      And for the non-boyfriend obsessed people in the occasion, food delivery and gift cards to takeout places.

    • Alex

      Not sure if 13 is too young to not be into “kid” things, but “mindfulness” coloring books seem to be becoming pretty popular/a good destresser.
      http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2015/11/sorry-benedict-cumberbatch-your-head-is-fine/414010/

    • Violet

      6-hour version of Pride and Prejudice. Colin Firth is all the boyfriend anyone ever needs.

      • Natalie

        I swoon for Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy. I didn’t quite appreciate him when I was 13, though. If she’s into Pride and Prejudice, you could try other versions of it, too. The Lizzie Bennett Diaries, for example, is this great retelling of P&P in vlog format. She can watch it for free on youtube if she’s got wifi easily available, or you can buy a dvd set.

        • Violet

          Oh, I TOTALLY did, even at 13. So funny!

          • Natalie

            At 13 I thought he looked too old to be handsome.

      • eating words

        Seriously, I’m GAY and I love Colin Firth as Darcy.

        • Violet

          Now THAT is an endorsement!

    • CW

      https://www.etsy.com/listing/67234100/your-own-tiny-boyfriend-ships-feb

      And nail polish. It’s something that can be done in little bits, with other people…

      And just talk to them- they each may need someone to vent to, or cry to, or just tell silly things to.

    • Poppy

      I was had a health crisis as a teenager and really appreciated ANYTHING that could help pass the time without requiring too much focus since the pain meds made me so fuzzy – this was the in days before TV and movies were available streaming online, so my friends would record things on VHS and bring them to me to watch together. One person brought me a recording of olympic trampolining (it was a Summer Olympics year), and I still think of her fondly for that.

      Maybe a DVD boxed set of an age appropriate show you love? Then she can watch and think of you, and it will give you guys something to discuss that isn’t her health crisis.

      • Poppy

        Oh and also, if she has anything she’s going to need to use for rehab afterward (a sling, a cane, a walker, etc), you could send her some crafty things that could be used to decorate it. Stickers, ribbon, washi tape…

    • Natalie

      A Kindle (or any tablet plus Kindle app, but a basic Kindle is a lot cheaper, and currently on sale) and a library card with login to her local library’s e-collection. Basically this gives her an unlimited supply of whatever kinds of books and/or audiobooks her heart desires, for free. And she never needs to leave her bed to browse all those library books.

      Is she into crafts? Knitting or crocheting are easy to do while bedridden. You could get her a learn to knit or crochet book plus some yarn in her favorite colors and basic needles. Stitch ‘n’ Bitch is a fun intro to knitting. Once learned, needle crafts can be done while watching tv or listening to audiobooks, and can really ease the tedium of being stuck in bed.

      Food delivery or a cleaning service would be a great help to the caregivers in the family, who are likely stressed out and busy.

    • Teresa

      Audiobooks! My favorite YA romances are by Stephanie Perkins–Anna and the French Kiss and then Isla and the Happily Ever After! Also, the dystopian trilogies Matched and Delirium. And Harry Potter–that cures all for me, no matter how terrible I feel.

    • Vilmos Kovacs

      House cleaners for your parents? Grocery delivery? Anything that would let them check something off the list and/or a comfortable retreat from the hospital/caretaking.

    • Louise

      Cute, funny socks, especially if she’s in the hospital, a kindle or gift card to the App Store for whatever device she has, and definitely coloring books, even if it’s not her thing normally. My nephew got hours of relaxation while he was drugged up and/or in pain before and after his liver transplant, and he rarely colored before that. For your parents, a gift card to a coffee shop or take out place in or near the hospital. Someone gave my brother- and sister-in-law a very generous gift card to Starbucks, which was in the hospital my nephew was in and it was so appreciated. Starbucks felt like a treat, especially compared to hospital coffee. Be careful with craft kits or supplies– depending on how sick she is, they could be really frustrating. Maybe wait on those until you’re there to help. Audio books might also be appreciated. I love the suggestion of nail polish too.

  • sage

    My anxiety has flared up over the past few weeks, particularly manifesting itself in little “conflicts” with my boyfriend. I put “conflicts” in quotes because they are actually discussions of rather mundane (though slightly uncomfortable) things that have been sending me into spirals and leaving boyfriend confused. I’m back to regular sessions with my therapist and considering going back on medication. I wish this wasn’t something that kept randomly popping back up in my life.

    • Jess

      Oversized reactions to little things are so hard, especially when you cannot control them.

      I found myself saying “It’s not that you said something wrong, my depression is just being really loud right now” to explain why I’m crying a lot in the last few months. Because sobbing on the floor is totally a normal reaction to dropping a spoon.

      Internet hug, and good luck with the therapy.

  • Keeks

    Does anyone else celebrate/observe Lent here? I’m not super Catholic (I don’t even go to Mass), but I do like the idea of Lent as a time of contemplation and sacrifice so I try to make a Lenten Promise. This year I’m giving up alcohol and making a donation to an addiction services agency.

    • Rebekah

      I do Lent every year, even though I rarely am able to 100% follow through.
      This year I’m doing the Whole30 diet for Lent and cutting way down on my Hulu/Netflix consumption, replacing it with reading.
      I’m also not Catholic, but grew up Methodist, and they also observe it.

    • Alexandra

      I’m not Catholic, but I’m giving up alcohol for Lent this year (partially because I’m trying to get pregnant, so actually Lent is the kickoff to what will be about a year of no alcohol). Ugh, first Friday without a nice glass of wine. I bought some ice cream instead.

    • accidental_diva

      I am Catholic (mostly a C & E – I bartend Sunday mornings) and this year I decided to do more rather than give up. I’m trying to post something positive every day (or two) on Facebook – I don’t post a ton so its a box breaker for me which makes it hard, and I’m doing Weight Watchers (because I need to be healthy for me) and truly committing to that (tracking your food honestly isn’t always fun).

  • Poppy

    So here’s a thing that happened this week: during a discussion about what last name to give our future hypothetical children, my (awesome, feminist, chore-sharing, social justice-minded) fiancé kind of lost it when I suggested that at least some of our kids should maybe have my family name (our last names do not hyphonate well at all). He said he couldn’t face the embarrassment of being judged for the rest of his life by friends, family, school administrators, etc, as a “weak” man who “let his wife bully him” into giving his children her last name. Then he said “I just don’t get why feminism has to come at the expense of the man all the time.” I was/am extremely offended and hurt by this. Almost as soon as the words came out his mouth, he said he didn’t really mean them and wished he’s never said anything, but he kind of panicked because he never imagined he would have to deal with the possibility of his children not having his last name. We tried to keep talking it out for a while, and I think he was feeling frustrated because he IS such a good feminist so much of the time, and yet on some level he feels it compromises his manhood to be like this? His family (who think of themselves as true blue liberal progressives, by the way) has given him a hard time in the past about me being too career-focused, or not doing enough housework, or “making all the decisions” in the relationship, which he knows is BS and he’s told them as much. But I think he has absorbed some resent from that.

    I’m trying to figure out how to move on from this. He’s apologized for what he said, but the naming question isn’t anywhere near resolved. We agreed to table the issue for now. But I am still seething on the inside. He’s a really wonderful human being and fantastic, supportive partner who tries hard to recognize his own privilege and do the right thing. What now?

    • Mary Jo TC

      I think given that he grew up in a patriarchy, his knee-jerk reaction is understandable, if regrettable. Especially since he’s getting pushback from family and friends. Give him some time to let this stew and he might change his tune. Your husband sounds like he’s light years ahead of mine. Good for you for fighting the fight by at least discussing last names this way.

      • Poppy

        (Sigh) the patriarchy strikes again…Thanks Mary Jo.

    • Amy March

      Now, you let it go. Because its completely pointless to dwell on. Your hypothetical children do not need names right now. You had an important discussion, sure, but this is not a problem that needs a solution. Let it percolate for a while.

      It’s far too easy to dig your heels in over hypothetical situations. Wait and see what you both feel like when it’s reality.

      • StevenPortland

        Thanks, Amy. Now I have that Frozen song stuck in my head for the rest of the afternoon!

      • Poppy

        Good point, of course. I need to remember to be patient and let him process this too.

    • MC

      Meg has written about this a lot before, and has basically said that yes, it is sad and painful and hard for men to give up privilege – but that doesn’t mean that it’s not something they should do if it’s important to you, which it sounds like it is! AKA his feelings are valid but they are not the end of the discussion. If this is the first time he’s thought about a kid not only having his last name (hello, male privilege!) then he will probably need to take some time and many discussions to work through it. So it will be work, but it is important work.

    • Eenie

      I want my kid to have my last name. If I had male privilege, I couldn’t guarantee that I wouldn’t use that as an excuse to try and share a name with my kid, especially if that thought hadn’t crossed my mind. You owe it to him to let him think it over. And then have multiple discussions about it. What is really important to both of you about the names. The end result may be a compromise no one is happy with.

    • emilyg25

      Sometimes when confronted with ideas that oppose what we always assumed would be, we shut down or act out. Give him some time.

      Also, are you suresure they don’t hyphenate well? I’ve seen some crazy combos! I have a friend who’s something like Mullaly-McGillicuddy.

      • Eenie

        I didn’t know there were names that did hyphenate well?

        • Amy March

          Handy-Mann. Pulitzer-Kennedy. Granger-Weasley. All better together than apart.

          • Lizzie

            Pretty sure I saw a wedding announcement for a couple announced as Dick-Bush. Or maybe it was the other way around. Either way…nope.

          • emilyg25

            I always wanted two acquaintances to get together and be Harrington-Carrington.

        • raccooncity

          I’ve heard Cox-Seaman before. No Kidding.

          • Eenie

            I personally think Seaman-Cox flows better.

          • raccooncity

            I see what you did there.

      • Poppy

        Mullaly-McGillicuddy. I love it. Thanks for helping me be more compassionate toward him.

        • MDBethann

          I double-barrelled my last name (MyLast HisLast) for professional reasons and so I’d have the same last name as our children. HOWEVER, middle names for our first child of either gender come from MY family (our daughter is named after my maternal grandmother, and if we have a son, he’ll be named after my dad; a 2nd daughter would be named after my MIL’s mother).

          I didn’t want to burden our kids with 2 last names; if it is a choice I’m making, then I felt I should make it for myself (heck, what if my kids want to split last names with a future spouse one day? Then they are really screwed!). But I totally get where you are coming from. My husband was okay with me keeping my name and going the route I did, but when I brought up – just hypothetically – the idea of him changing his name too, it didn’t go over well. At the same time, he washes baby bottles, does most of the cleaning, yard work, trash/recycling, and his own laundry (I do the cooking, most dishes, my laundry & baby’s laundry). He also gets our daughter up, fed, & off to daycare 3 mornings a week. And he can cook when the need arises.

          I think there definitely is male privilege at work – giving up his name was NEVER something he thought about growing up, I’m sure, while for (most) women it was probably something that came up every once in awhile – I mean, how many of us used to scribble our name with the last name of either our school or movie star crush? I’m not saying it is right, but even though we’d like all barriers of privilege to come down NOW, I don’t know if they can – at least not easily and not without upsetting a LOT of people, male & female. We need to keep pushing for change, but sometimes (often times) the most lasting change comes in small steps so we can adjust to it.

          Good luck – these are hard conversations to have, but sometimes we DO have to remember that “Rome wasn’t built in a day.” (as hard as it is).

    • rg223

      I agree with the others that say to let the naming issue go for now, and let fiance stew on this. I do want to add some food for thought for you: it seems from what you wrote that both of you may be digging in about this argument because of a larger and more global problem. Like compatibility, family of origin issues, inequality in the relationship… If that rings true at all, I would sit with that yourself for a while, and then continue the conversation about that.

      • Poppy

        family of origin issues, ding ding ding. Arg.

        • AP

          YES. My husband’s biggest problem with my keeping my last name had everything to do with his family of origin. Lot’s of “it’s insulting to my family not to take their name, think about the message you’re sending them, people will think you don’t like my family, etc.” They are very clannish- protective of their own and suspicious of outsiders. Nice people, but you’re not in until you’re in, if that makes sense. I haven’t at all broached the subject of naming our kids because I KNOW he feels like he made a major concession already by accepting my last name decision and I’m fully prepared for him to have the exact same reaction your husband had to naming future kids. I agree with the other commenters, that it’s not important to come to a decision today about your hypothetical kids, but to just let the conversation unfold and evolve over time. That’s my plan, too.

    • zero

      I would wait a little bit and let him think about it. I think a lot of men are surprised when they learn that being feminist means that they sometimes must do some things that don’t feel awesome. It’s easy to talk about supporting women, not so easy to actually be in an equal partnership and make some sacrifices, just as women have always been used to sacrifice.

    • Lizzie

      I’d totally be offended if I were you. But I think the very act of deciding together whose name your kids get is feminist. Granted, there’s a satisfying element of SMASH THE PATRIARCHY to insisting your kids get your name to make up for millennia of women being second-class humans. But there are better reasons for picking a name. For example, if you were in a same-sex couple, you’d have this discussion by default, and the patriarchy need not be at the center of it. Even if your kids end up with his name (I know, perish the thought), it would still be a thoroughly feminist decision if it came about through well-considered, respectful discussion.

      Of course, people on the outside wouldn’t KNOW about that part and might assume they got his name because patriarchy, but screw them. It’s none of their damn business anyway.

      • Poppy

        You know, I don’t actually care that much about the name itself – my name is my father’s last name after all. I’m open to any number of possibilities! Like you said, I want to decide this together. And I want the egalitarian nature of our partnership to prevail. This is not a competition.

        • S

          No, your name is YOUR name. You wouldn’t say that your brother’s name is your father’s name. You wouldn’t say your father’s name is actually NOT his name because his father had it first. Nothing’s been transferred, here. Everyone gets given a name at birth exactly the same. What, baby boys are given property rights when they’re born and baby girls are given rental agreements? I have MY name, and it was given to me by my mother and father, because my mother has the same surname too and it completely invalidates her possession of that name when people call my name “my father’s name”. She almost owns it more because she had to CHOOSE that name, sign her way INTO that name, and he didn’t, so. Saying you have “your father’s name” makes exactly the same amount of sense as saying you have your great-great-great-great-great grandfather’s name. It’s a name they both happen to have too, but it’s still YOURS. Sorry to be nitpicking but I HATE when people say they don’t own their own names because they’re really somehow the possession of their father and that therefore “breaking the chain” may as well be pointless and oh yeah I guess we may as well never change anything ever let’s be sexist until the end of times. END RANT

          • Poppy

            I hear what your saying, and I shouldn’t have implied that you don’t “own” your last name.

            For most of my life, my mom has told me that she wanted to keep her name when she got married and would have loved to do something different with my last name when I was born. But in the country where these things happened, the option didn’t legally exist so my mother and I both received my father’s last name without any choice in the matter. I guess I sometimes think of my last name as my father’s last name for this reason.

          • S

            I think that makes sense, but I also think it’s valuable to unpack all of that. Not necessarily publicly or right now, and not you specifically, but just generally. Like: why do you think of your last name as your father’s and not your grandfather’s? What’s the difference? Your dad got given his name by his parents at birth and so did you, so if he owns his you must therefore own yours. Yes, your name was passed on through the patrilineal line, I know that, but if you give your kid your name your kid’s name will be traced by the matrilineal line instead, which totally invalidates the argument that it doesn’t matter either way whether the kid gets its mother or father’s name because either way the kid really gets “a man’s name” – the two options are quite different with a significantly different impact. I’m not deliberately trying to be rude or argumentative, it’s just something that feels important to me. I didn’t think about it this way either for most of my life and it’s really hard to unpack such an intrinsic way of thinking, one we’ve been totally been spoon fed by society :)

          • Ilora

            This comment is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen…so true in so many ways!

    • E.

      This was our biggest fight, too. Definitely the maddest I’ve ever been at him. We worked through it eventually, but basically decided to let future us make a final decision. No advice, just commiseration.

    • honeycomehome

      Often, when confronted with something new and uncomfortable, our first reaction is going to the one society has trained us to have.

      He never imagined his kids not having his last name. He panicked, and society’s (the patriarchy’s) simplistic response slipped in. It’s a telling first response. But what it’s telling you is not that he’s a sexist jerk, it’s telling you that there’s work to do.

      It’s the ultimate response that matters.

      I think you move on by moving on. Amy is right, your hypothetical kids do not need names right now. Maybe, when you see it, point out other families that function perfectly well in the same/similar situations. Also, accept his apology. Resolve to discuss it until you both feel ok, and no one feels sad or angry. I bet he can see the value in that.

    • CMT

      Wow. I’m sorry you had to hear that. I’d definitely be upset about that, too. I don’t know what I’d do in that situation.

    • Maddie Eisenhart

      This is not a one time conversation, is what I’ve learned. None of the hard feminist conversations in our house are. But the more we have them, the less reactionary we both are. So time, patience, forgiveness, it all helps. Not that it excuses anything, but privilege is a real hard thing to let go of when you’ve always had it. I find it seldom goes smoothly.

    • TeaforTwo

      I think the thing about not hyphenating is that it is going to feel unfair to someone. And while I am all for the idea that the someone who sucks it up shouldn’t always be a lady, I also think it’s hard for many men to accept that as an individual, they have to try to make up for a system.

      We thought about naming girls after me and boys after him, but I knew that left a chance that zero kid would get my name, which I wouldn’t sign off on. But I did expect him, if we didn’t hyphenate, to sign off on zero kids having his name, because payback for patriarchy. He hated that, and I get it.

      In the end, we decided on a hyphenate. He initially hated that, too, but I put my foot down that his aesthetic objections to a hyphen were maybe a fraction of a percent as important as my objections to a naming convention that erased my whole gender.

  • Mary Jo TC

    We have childcare Sunday afternoon so we get to go see a movie! This happens like 2-4 times a year. Should we see Deadpool or Hail, Caesar! ? I think we’d both be happy with either, but I’m leaning a little toward Hail Caesar and he’s leaning toward Deadpool, based mostly on genres.

    • Eenie

      I’m seeing deadpool this weekend, and apparently my fiance wants to tag along too. Which will be better in the theater assuming you’ll catch the other one on DVD at some point? My vote would be deadpool.

      • Alex

        Second the “which will be better in the theater” decision-driver! That’s how my husband and I make all our theater movie decisions (which means we pretty much see only action/gorgeous landscaping ones in the theater and all others netflixd/amazon’d ;) )

        • MDBethann

          That’s usually our go-to decision too, so “Avengers”, “Hunger Games,” and “Star Wars” are seen in the theater and the smaller flicks are Netflixed later.

      • Mary Jo TC

        Ooh, good point! Thanks!

        • Eenie

          I hope it’s good. I hope they didn’t use all the good lines in the trailers.

    • Rebekah Jane

      Second for seeing Deadpool. The fella and I have already bought our tickets for a Sunday showing, so you’ll be in good company!

    • I’m going to see Deadpool in 45 mins – will report back on if it’s worth seeing. Hail Caesar looks kinda interesting…but I’m still annoyed that the Coen Brothers keep making movies with no people of color.

    • Ellen

      Went to see Deadpool last night and actually enjoyed it significantly more than I thought I would. Perfect movie to see nowhere near kids.

  • Lizzie

    Long time listener, first time caller… I’m getting married in a few months, I just stopped taking my hormonal BC (not trying to get pregnant, just fed up with the hormones), my libido is out of conTROL, and that plus the anxiety of the whole lifetime-commitment-just-around-the-corner thing is giving me MAJOR HOT PANTS toward ALL THE PEOPLE (and I live in NYC, so there are a lot of people around me all the time). Last night I uncharacteristically put on red lipstick, poured a glass of wine, knocked off some wedding to-do items, and watched that D’Angelo music vid (you know the one) like eleventy thousand times. Never has a Thursday night in my pjs been so LIT, swear to god.

    It makes me a leetle nervous because I’m not just like “wow, so hot for my fiance!” I’m like “EVERY SEXY MAN, HELLO.” So, just curious… anyone else have a pre-wedding non-discretionary FEELIN YOURSELF phase too? Just me?

    • Violet

      Maybe this is too personal, but are you ovulating? Give it two weeks, and see if you’re still this hot to trot.

      • Eenie

        Hot to trot! I love happy hour.

      • Lizzie

        Ah, maybe! I’m not sure – really out of touch with what’s going on w/r/t cycles – but if I feel less hot n trotty (cold n walky?) in a few weeks, I’ll know why. : )

        • Violet

          When I went off hormonal BC (same reason, hate how it killed my libido), afterwards I figured out ALL kinds of things that my hormones affect throughout the cycle. And women are more likely to wear red lipstick or don a red shirt when ovulating, so it stands to reason this might not ALL be about pre-wedding jitters. Though some might be, too.

          • Lizzie

            Woah, crazy. I hardly ever wear red lipstick and I was DRAWN to it. I think you’re onto something!

          • Super interesting about the red at ovulation.

    • raccooncity

      I got this after I stopped hormonal BC. It’ll probably happen once per month. Get excited and/or awkwardly confused.

      • raccooncity

        OH, also, if it turns out to be BC-related, don’t worry if you go through a period each month of being completely MEHHHH about sex. Like, entirely not on your radar. Because that was the flipside for me, and at first I thought I wasn’t into sex anymore.

        • Lizzie

          Oh worddddd to that. What goes up, must come down! Will (try my best to) not get off-kilter when it swings in the other direction. It’s so hard to get that “hey, this is probably related to hormones” perspective when you’re just, like, IN THE MOMENT so hard.

    • emilyg25

      YES. I’ve written about it here before. In the months before my wedding, I developed a massive crush on my guy friend to the point where I had to stop hanging out with him for a bit.

      I love the idea of you putting on red lipstick and PJs.

      • Lizzie

        AH, YAY. This makes me feel really relieved to hear! I’ve been seeing a PT for several months now, and he is definitely empirically attractive, but it was always just *meh* we’re in a professional setting, whatever. But lately, whamo, sex dreams and butterflies at the most recent few sessions! Thankfully it *is* a professional setting and relationship, so I don’t think I need to take a break, but yeah, it’s a little disconcerting to feel that way out of nowhere. I’m really glad to hear I’m not alone in that!

      • A.

        THIS HAPPENED TO ME TOO. Like, dizzying fantasies kind of thing. I’m completely 100% over it now, but I didn’t realize this was a semi-common occurrence. Wow, that makes me feel weirdly better, even years later.

        I realized later it was about coming to terms with never feeling that Zing! of a new relationship again, as well as the kind of man I always thought I’d end up with (fiance is an awesome tech-y type, while I always thought I’d end up with a more artistic soul, which guy friend not-so-coincidentally is). If anything, at the end, it fully solidified my deep commitment to my now-husband, but it was weeeeird at the time.

    • Keeks

      It’s the BC (or lack thereof)! My libido is 5000% higher when I’m not on it. Of course my period is also 5000% worse.

      Red lipstick automatically makes everything better. Scientific fact!

      • Lizzie

        Preach, preach, preach. I’m glad to hear (sorry to hear that your periods are way worse, but glad to hear you have the same HELLOOOOO, HOT PEOPLE reaction too)!!

    • Sarah

      I went off HBC a few months ago and it has been a tiiiiiiiiime. My husband can’t keep up with me. I just had to confess to him about getting a little crush on a lawschool classmate that I hang out with (that’s how we roll, I knew he would prefer to know; & he’s not weird about it). I’m trying to keep my damn-self under control!

      We also got married only like six months ago so I think that may also be a factor. I have suddenly discovered why marriage is hard sometimes–other people are kinda hot.

      • Lizzie

        A TIIIIIIIIIIME, RITE?! I’m so glad to hear your story! Phew, phew, phew. Also, my soon-to-be-husband and I don’t really talk about crushes… yet, and this seems like an important thing to be able to handle long-term. Other people are kinda hot! Discuss amongst yourselves. : )

    • Ashlah

      Man, I was *just* thinking (again) about how I’d like to go off birth control to see if it ushers a return of my libido. I’ve been on it since I was 16, and I just want to not be on it for many reasons, but I’m also afraid to not be on it for other reasons, and ugh. It’s helpful to hear other people’s experiences!

    • Juliet

      AAAHHH this is my life right now! I’m off hormonal birth control for the first time in 11 (!!!) years and after a decade of just whistlin’ to myself over here in a corner with a generally low sex drive, all of the sudden I am crushin’ HARD and FAST for all of the men.

      • Lizzie

        Just, preach. IT’S KINDA FUN, HUH? Also bewildering! But also, heh. Kinda great.

  • the cupboard under the stairs

    My birthday was on Wednesday. (Am I the only person who sort of dislikes my birthday? Everyone around you acts all awkward like they should be treating you special but they don’t know how.) My fiance surprised me with a fantastic, colorful, multi-layer cake that looked a lot like this: https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQmlEBFo8Hd6g_UOzZqZwOM9DqP6IK1lIEPReDSLAa5WYWeyU92gg It was absolutely the best part of my day!

    • Jess

      You’re not alone, I find birthdays to be just about the worst. I don’t really like “being celebrated” because everyone is just kind of awkward and weird. (Ask me how not liking being celebrated and planning a 150 person wedding are going! /sarcasm)

      Cake is just about the best, though, seriously.

      • the cupboard under the stairs

        Oh GOOD, I’m not alone. My wedding reception (not ceremony, though) will also be 150+ people, and we are not especially social humans. I’m hoping the reception is so large that we get lost in the crowd. :)

        • Jess

          My mom: You should wear a veil all night so people will know where you are!

          Me: No. I don’t want anybody finding me. I’m just going slip off into the night…

  • Jessica

    Update from in-law concerns with my husband from last week:

    We went to his family’s place on Tuesday, and he communicated with them that we would be late (we live about 45 minutes away). Ten minutes before their start time he gets a text asking “ETA? Where are u?” and proceeds to drive recklessly home, pissed off and hurt that they did not remember that we would be late. I thought it was an overreaction, and told him so while also trying to calm him down by reminding him that there could be other motivations for wanting to know where we were and what time we’d arrive.

    He calmed down after we got there, and when we got home I discussed how unfair he was to me last week, and that he needs to remember that his family is not trying to hurt him (they are not a malicious bunch). He apologized for blowing up and the unfair stuff he said, and promised he would try to keep it cool next time his family came up.

    Thanks for all the advice and solidarity last week!

  • raccooncity

    It’s almost spring break up here in frigid Toronto! I’m headed to Cali next week for a week in the Oceanside/San Diego area. Any suggestions of places to eat or places to have fun? Maybe even something romantic for valentine’s day?

    • Amy March

      In San Diego, Extraordinary Desserts. Just wonderful.

    • Glen

      Good eats in San Diego:
      Pomegranate Russian-Georgian restaurant is fantastic, but more quirky than romantic. We also had good meals at Jsix and El Agave, but it’s been a number of years — can’t speak to current performance.
      For sandwiches, Cheba Hut (subs) and Bread and Cie (bakery) are both excellent.
      For brunch, we like the Mission Cafe and To The Point Eatery. We love Hash House A Go Go, but have only been to the ones in Las Vegas — the original is in San Diego, but we haven’t been to that location.
      (At some point, have fish tacos — it’s what San Diego’s known for.)

      As for fun, there’s always something in Balboa Park that appeals (museums, shops, zoo). We once took a walking tour of the Gaslamp District — good for history buffs (as is the USS Midway). Outside San Diego, La Jolla has a good art museum, and the downtown is fun to walk around; I haven’t been to the aquarium, but lots of people love it. In San Juan Capistrano, the Mission and the Los Rios Historic District are must-sees. And of course, there’s SeaWorld, Legoland, and San Diego Safari Park, if those are your cup of tea.

    • Rebekah

      We ate at Oscar’s Tacos every meal on our recent San Diego trip, TBH, but also hit up a ton of the great breweries. We also went to the beach! Cliche answers, I am aware, but well worth it.

      • raccooncity

        We’re tourists, AND happen to be two people who know nothing at all about california beyond that Hollywood is there, so cliche is probably exactly our speed.

    • emmers

      In the Gas Lamp district, we had some awesome sushi at Taka that we still talk about, almost 2 years later- they had one dish where the shrimp was so fresh, it was still moving! We also loved the pizza we had at Basic. Thin crust, so good. It’s in a warehouse that I remember being open air, and Zagat rated, but not super expensive. My husband also loved the fish tacos from various places. Have fun! Such a cool city.

    • If you’re in Oceanside, you’re going to be a little bit aways from the city, but there’s lots of great stuff to do in North County, too! There’s some wineries and breweries out in Escondido which I’ve heard good things from my alcohol-enjoying friends. The Belly Up Tavern in Solana Beach has a lot of music things? Also I love Encinitas and the Encinitas Cafe on the 101, but it is probably just a standard breakfast place with decent prices and large amounts of food. Also there’s a froyo/boba place right by it on the 101 (it used to be called Berry Happy but I think they changed the name to Moonlight Yogurt and Ice). And you can go get froyo or boba tea and then walk the two blocks to Moonlight beach and hang out there and look at waves as you eat your froyo or boba.

    • EF

      go to the zoo and/or safari park!!! no joke, they are magical.

      coronado island is really, really beautiful. has this old resort/hotel, perfect for some romantic beach strolls ;-)

      and hillcrest is awesome! i mean it’s the gaybourhood so it’s my people (i worked there for a few months!) but also great restaurants, bars, and hipster shops all around.

    • april

      I’ll second Glen’s suggestion of visiting La Jolla and add that the aquarium is amaing. If you do go to La Jolla, Brockton Villa has delicious lunch/brunch options. I’d also highly recommend hiking at the Torrey Pines natural reserve, if you’fe at all into nature/outdoorsy things. Have fun!

  • La’Marisa-Andrea

    Congrats, Jareesa! Glad this is a paid position. Beyonce is the shit. Happy Friday, everyone!

    • Thanks doll!

      • VKD_Vee

        Jareesa! So late to the party on this one but BIG CONGRATS! I noticed the news over the weekend (ahem, from your blog, ahem) – WOO HOO!!! Gonna be awesome to see your stuff on here more frequently :)

  • AGCourtney

    I’m pretty late to the party tonight, but things are going pretty well! I made my first Craigslist buy today, an art table for my daughter. She’s really into crafts, so I’ve been doing some internet research on art spaces for kids, and found a crazy-expensive art table with built in paper dispenser and shelves, on Craigslist for only $50 a few towns over. And I got it for $40. Cleaned it up before going to work today and it looks wonderful! I’m so excited to get all her art stuff unpacked from the closet so it’s actually usable.

    I had my first online tutoring session on Sunday and deposited my first check today! And I scheduled my first appointment for getting crowns on my teeth. Progress~

  • Anna Plumb

    Tried to get presale Beyonce tickets today for the Seattle show. Had several windows open, signed in, had the presale code, ready to get my and ladies some tickets and…IT WAS THE WRONG CODE. So I got no tickets. And I was very sad. Luckily there are more presales this week but waaaaaaaa.

  • Petersoncw

    Bangalore, Based EVENTAISLES, Is A Full Service Wedding And Special Event Planning Company Specializing In Planning & Directing Multicultural, Interfaith And Religious Wedding Ceremonies. Wedding Planners Bangalore . Wedding Planners Bangalore https://www.craftwed.com/business-directory/eventaisles-wedding-planners-bangalore/

  • Dorothytthompson4

    ❝my .friend’s mate Is getting 98$. HOURLY. on the internet.❞….two days ago new McLaren. F1 bought after earning 18,512$,,,this was my previous month’s paycheck ,and-a little over, 17k$ Last month ..3-5 h/r of work a days ..with extra open doors & weekly. paychecks.. it’s realy the easiest work I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months ago and now making over 87$, p/h.Learn. More right Here!b859➤➤➤➤➤ http://GlobalSuperEmploymentVacanciesReportsHours/98$hourly…. .❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:::::!b859….

  • Kristengstmartin4

    ❝my .friend’s mate Is getting 98$. HOURLY. on the internet.❞….two days ago new McLaren. F1 bought after earning 18,512$,,,this was my previous month’s paycheck ,and-a little over, 17k$ Last month ..3-5 h/r of work a days ..with extra open doors & weekly. paychecks.. it’s realy the easiest work I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months ago and now making over 87$, p/h.Learn. More right Here!:b206➤➤➤➤➤ http://GlobalSuperEmploymentVacanciesReportsSec/98$hourly…. .❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:❦2:::::!:b206……