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Honoring Marriage Equality In Your Wedding Ceremony

In case you all have totally missed the news for the last three days: Gay Marriage is now legal in Iowa! Hooray! I’ve been very fond of Iowa since we spent time in the lovely Iowa city during our cross country move, but now I love-love of Iowa.

Iowa, and Iowans, a big wet kiss from me to you. MWAH! (That was a open mouth 18-month-old style kiss. Then I gave your cheek a friendly lick and smiled)

Given the good news out of the Midwest, and the not-so-great news out of California, I thought it was time to revisit our old dilemma: how can we make a statement about the importance of marriage equality on our wedding day? I’ve collected a short list of our ideas, and I would love if you would add your thoughts in the comments. Lets get a list going!

  • We are giving a donation of tzedakah in honor of our wedding day to a gay rights organization, most likely Lambda Legal, though there are a number of worthy organizations you could give to. Our rabbi has suggested that we give a donation of 3% of our wedding budget, I suspect we will give at least that much.
  • We’re planning to put a small statement in the program along these lines: “Meg and David believe that marriage is a universal human right, and continue to fight and pray for the day when we will be able to share the joys and privileges of civil marriage with all of our LGBTQ sisters and brothers.”
  • Our Rabbi has suggested that we ask someone close to us to make a toast to us and to marriage equality during our Ketubah signing ceremony, when we will also sign our civil marriage certificate.
  • Finally, and most beautifully, our Rabbi has suggested that we add something small into our ceremony to honor our commitment to gay rights. In the Jewish tradition, at Passover, you spill a bit of wine from your cup for each of the ten plagues that the Egyptians endured before the Jewish people were given their freedom, to reduce our joy with recollection of the suffering of others. Similarly, our Rabbi suggested that as we drink the two cups of wine present in the Jewish wedding service, that we spill a bit of wine from that cup as a reminder that many of our brothers and sisters do not have the same rights and privileges that we are enjoying on that day. (A practical note: the wine is spilled by dipping your finger in the cup and removing a drop of wine, not by dumping it on the floor.)

I know some straight couples choose to not legally marry as a protest against the lack of marriage equality in the United States. That didn’t feel like the right choice for us. We’ve instead chosen to consciously make our wedding, and this blog, part of our activism. We happen to be getting married by two (both religiously married) lesbian clergy members, so our message will not be terribly subtle, though we’ll try not to bang everyone over the head with it, skillet style.

Now, I’m throwing you you, Team Practical, what other gestures can we make on our wedding days for marriage equality?

Photo of one of my favorite weddings of all time, as shot by the endlessly cool Our Labor Of Love

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