How Often Do You Have Sex?

Let's get (anonymously) freaky

When I was a teenager, I thought (and talked) a lot about sex. I watched HBO documentaries about the many varied kinds of adult sexual relationships (and will never, ever forget the first time I learned about tantric workshops. Bless my teenage heart). I talked with girlfriends about sex. I read about it in books. It was on my mind. A lot.

Later, in college, I taught workshops on safe sex and ran sex toy workshops. And later after that, I got married. And you know what people don’t seem to want to talk about much after you get married? Sex.

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These days, there are basically two camps of conversations I ever hear around married sex.

  1. Have fun never having it again!
  2. We’ve decided to open our marriage and have sex with other people.

But outside of that, it’s pretty much crickets. And y’all, I miss getting to talk about sex. It’s a big part of life! (Whether you’re having it or not, because #America.) Plus, marriage is a long-ass time, and the frequency, quality, and kind of sex we have in that time period changes.

So guess what you get to do when you have access to a platform full of smart people, and license to write what you want? You get to talk about sex, baby.

Right now, between you and me, we’re in a little bit of a sex lull. My hormones made a sharp left after I gave birth, and haven’t quite corrected yet, so while we’re having sex (and pretty good sex at that), most days my body is aggressively trying to not make another baby.

In another lifetime (aka my twenties), I probably would have had a crisis of confidence about the dip in our sex life post-baby. But ten years into marriage, I’m filing it under: sometimes you have fat years and sometimes you have lean years. And as long as everyone feels taken care of and heard, we keep rolling with the punches. (Though I will take all the postpartum advice on getting hormones back in action post-baby, because Dr. Google and a decidedly anti-womxn medical establishment is not doing me any favors right now.)

And in the meantime, I want to open it up to you guys. How often are you having sex? Is it enough? More than you want? Just right? How are you feeling about your sex life in general? What sex conversations should we be having that we aren’t?

And of course, if you want to leave an anonymous comment, don’t forget to make sure both your name and your email address are anonymous (this goes double for Gravatar users, because the photo links to your email address). See below for an example of how to leave an anonymous comment.

If you’re already logged into Disqus, you’ll need to logout:

And then fill out the signup box using fake/anonymous credentials and make sure you click on the “I’d rather post as a guest” box.

Ok, now it’s yours, guys. Get your freak on.

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