7 Things You Need to Know to Pick Your Wedding Date


Psst: You don't have to know RIGHT away

by Meg Keene, CEO & Editor-In-Chief

7 tips for picking your wedding date

Here is this wild thing that happens the second you announce your engagement (and before you’re even close to when you can pick your wedding date). People (apparently hearing only static in their brains) look at your brand new ring, and ask you, “So when is the big day?” I’m never sure if they think you might have planned a wedding before you decided you were getting married… or if they think you pulled together the whole thing during the half hour car ride to your mom’s house to show off your ring(s). But since picking your wedding date is no longer as easy as calling your local house of worship and asking them what Saturday in June they have free, we polled our (super smart) readers and came up with some critical things you need to consider when you want to pick your wedding date.

Let’s start with what is, for most of us, the be-all and end-all of starting to pick your wedding date:

what to consider when you want to pick your wedding date

your venue’s CALENDAR: Knowing where you want to get married is almost always a top-level concern when you want to pick your wedding date. Sure, you might really want to get married on 7/7/17, but you have to find a venue that’s free that day, so wait a second before you monogram that date on all your silver. The truth is that venues, particularly ones that are in high demand (or have low prices) can book up way in advance. One reader explained it this way:

We found a venue in our budget that would hold our huge guest list and were like, “Okay when’s the next available summer Saturday you have? Two summers from now? Okay. Let us sign the paperwork.”

Yeah, it was a long engagement and the venue basically picked the date for us. But it was fine. It gave us a date to plan for VERY early on and give our traveling loved ones plenty of heads up. It also made picking other vendors easier.

don’t ask for (Too Much) advice: It’s a good idea to consult your must-haves for potential conflicts before you are about to pick your wedding date (the people you would be devastated if they couldn’t come), but once you’ve got that date, resist the urge to ask people what they think about it. Frankly, once the date is the date, the less input you receive, the better:

The fewer people who you give input on the date, the better the process. Remember, it is highly unlikely you will have 100 percent attendance, even if you let everyone vote on the date, because things come up. (Pregnancies, you name it.) So don’t tie yourself into knots about finding a date everyone in your lives likes, especially if that date is many months (if not over a year) in the future.

Think About The Season: Maybe you’ve always dreamed of a June wedding, or perhaps you want to get married in a snowstorm. Or maybe you just want to get married during one of your partner’s law school breaks so you can go on a honeymoon (raises hand!). Regardless of what your dream season is and why, thinking about the time of year can help you narrow down dates and venues that will work. Keep in mind that you can often get good deals during the winter, but that spring and fall have become increasingly popular wedding seasons, so you’re probably not going to save any cash on that super cool Halloween wedding.

And in case you’ve maybe started to convince yourself that your wedding will only be amazing if it’s during (insert your favorite season here), remember that every season has its drawbacks: summers can be hot in formal clothing, winters can be rainy/snowy depending on where you live, spring and fall are sometimes unpredictable. TL;DR: There’s no magic day that is going to be better than all the days of the year, so don’t let picking your wedding date hinge on something that might not happen, anyway. Even if the Farmer’s Almanac says otherwise.

Think About how long your engagement will be: There are advantages and disadvantages to short (and long) engagements. If you have four months, you’ll power through those decisions like you have a fire under your ass… because you will. If you have two years, at some point you’ll start to wonder if there actually is a wedding in your future. So, if you have a choice, pick a wedding planning timeline that works for you. (And hey, if you’re an over-planner and chronic worrier, it might be easier to be done in three months than to have three years to obsess.)

Consider Your Also Engaged Friends And Loved Ones: I know, I know. We’re not supposed to be the sort of shallow people who think about who is getting married first, but… also… maybe you are? (Shhh.) David and I had been engaged for an (endless-seeming) year-plus, when three months before our wedding date his ex called him to say she’d gotten engaged that week, and was getting married next weekend, and could we spend a bunch of money to fly across the country to come? I’m embarrassed to say that smoke might have billowed from my ears, because HOLY SHIT NO CUTS IN LINE.

Of course, there is no etiquette rule on the book that the one that puts a ring on it first, walks down the aisle first. So, if you know that you want to get married before (or after) your sister, or your BFF, or your cousin, consider that as you think about dates.

Likewise, if you and a close family member want a similar group of people to fly into your hometown from all over the country during, say, the summer of 2018… consider trying to pick dates together, so people can fly in just once, and party it up twice.

If You’re Not FlexIble On Dates, be flexible on… Everything Else: If you are completely, 100 percent set on one specific date, realize that you’ll probably have to be flexible on both vendors and venue… or at least come prepared with early deposits in hand.

We were the weirdos who had a special date picked before we officially got engaged. I’m a chemist and the husbandperson is a mathematician—being blerds (Black nerds) is a big part of our lives and our relationship. Randomly in late 2014, we were talking about when we’d like to get married and throwing around dates, and he suggested Pi Day (March 14th). I checked a calendar and realized it was on a Saturday in 2015… and it felt like fate. We looked at each other and just knew that was the right day. Another date was not an option, so we wound up booking our photographer and venue a year in advance, and before we officially got engaged cause we didn’t want to miss out on our dream date or our dream venue.

consider local events: Maybe the city you live in always has a film festival on one weekend, or there’s a big sporting event that always happens the same time of the year—or whatever. You might not be able to remember everything, but definitely consult an events calendar to see what is and isn’t going on around the date that you choose, and plan accordingly.

Pink Line

I won’t lie and pretend that figuring out how to pick your wedding date is stress free. It takes wedding planning from the nebulous “Oh wouldn’t it be nice if we could do XYZ” and puts it firmly in the realm of “Holy crap, this is happening.” But the reality is finalizing the date is often easier than you’d think. Because as it turns out, the venue you want only has one date free. Or there are only two weeks during the year where you could get time off to go on a honeymoon. Or because your mom wants nothing more than for you to get married in your hometown church at Christmas time.

Whatever the reason, when you get right down to it, your date often picks itself. And sure, that means you are no longer planning all the weddings on your Pinterest board. But it means you’re finally planning your wedding. And that’s pretty great.

(Bonus: Now you know when your anniversary will be. And the big secret is that anniversaries are the best holidays, because it’s the holiday that you earn by caring for each other. Plus, sex.)

Meg Keene

Meg is the Founder and EIC of APW. She has written two best selling wedding books: A Practical Wedding and A Practical Wedding Planner. Meg has her BFA in Drama from NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts. She lives in Oakland, CA with her husband and two children. For more than you ever wanted to know about Meg, you can visit MegKeene.com.

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  • Emily

    Anniversaries are the holidays you earn! That’s excellent, and something to remember when things don’t feel so…celebratory in your life

    • aussie

      You get a holiday for your anniversary??

  • Laura C

    Oh, I missed that survey thread (and now I’m going to spend all day reading it and regretting that I missed it), but you know what? APW readers are super smart and this all makes so much sense (ie fits with my own experience).

    • Another Meg

      Samesies.

  • Great advice. I would say we followed all this when picking our date. We knew the general season/time we wanted (Summer 2017) and then we just researched venue and, when we found one we really liked, asked what dates were available. With that list in hand, we checked with close family to make sure there were no conflicts, then we paid the deposit and we had our date.

  • anonymous

    Sort of a tangent but also sort of mentioned above… how does one deal with planning – date and otherwise – around *non engaged* (but hoping to soon be engaged) loved ones? When I announced my engagement to my family, my older sister reacted strangely. After a few weeks, around the holidays, when discussing our photographer (which she brought up – asked me what we had planned so far), she burst into tears, saying that was the photographer SHE wanted. For HER wedding. Thing is, she has no immediate plans to get engaged soon. She has been with her boyfriend for a bit longer (like, a few months) than I’ve been with my guy, and they are a few years older, and she is really ready to be engaged, and was very hurt that I got engaged first. We had a big talk about it, and she said she feels bad, and doesn’t want to make it all about her, and that it’ll happen when it happens. But now I feel really uncomfortable with anything wedding-related around her, because I don’t want her to be hurt or upset. I’m trying to be considerate of her feelings, but what I really want is for her to be happy for me, and to just be my sister about it, without tiptoeing around. My SO thinks it was selfish of her to say anything at all, because what could the outcome be other than to make me feel weird?
    And I’m also worried, selfishly, that when they do get engaged, it will be a bigger deal, and people will care more, because they won’t have to worry about being “too excited” and hurting anyone’s feelings. I know she’s already talked about how upset she is with my mom, and right now it seems like the whole rest of my family is very subdued, or doesn’t care, about my engagement at all. We are just about to set a date, I ordered my dress, and I would love to feel love and support, instead of awkwardness and discomfort, from my family, sister included.

    • Kaitlyn

      Ugh I have this problem with one of my girlfriends, where she’s been waiting a long time for her ring and still hasn’t gotten it. Have you tried talking to your mom about it? I think it might need to come from her to your sister that your sister needs to suck it up and stop being weird around you. She needs to talk to her significant other about a timeline and not take it out on you. Also, there’s nothing wrong with sharing photographers. I would have used my brother’s if the photographer wasn’t moving across the country. I think it makes the day even better as the photographer already knows everyone (I was in a wedding where my cousin used her sister’s photographer and it was really nice).

      But, congrats on setting a date a date and ordering a dress! This is your happy time and you should be able to revel in it.

      • Lisa

        I like the idea of looping the mom in, too. Once my sister reached unreasonable levels, I finally got my mom involved, and she was the one who told my sister to cool it and keep her opinions to herself unless asked.

        • anonymous

          I’ve been thinking about this, and I think I’ll try. If anything, at least my mom will recognize that I’m not feeling supported by my family. I don’t know that I would want her to talk to my sister, but it would be nice to feel heard, at least by my mom.

    • Lisa

      I totally understand the sister drama surrounding wedding planning and empathize with your struggles. My own sister got engaged six days after we did and planned her wedding for ~6 months after ours, and there was plenty of stress between the two of us during that time. (Particularly: her criticizing our choices and also her asking for feedback and blowing up at me when I gave my opinion)

      That said, your sister doesn’t get to call “dibs” on wedding vendors for an event she isn’t even planning yet. She has no way to know if she’ll eventually be planning a wedding in the same area or if the preferred vendor will even be available. It’s nice of you to be considerate of her feelings and want to take them into account. Perhaps you don’t use your sister as the same sounding board for a while until she can get her act together. Are there other people in your life who are genuinely excited for you and eager to talk wedding? Lean on those friends and relatives until the sister is ready to be a part of everything.

      • rg223

        Agreed! In regards to your last couple sentences, I was going to comment that I seem to remember an AAPW where the LW’s whole family wasn’t that stoked for the wedding (for no known reason) and part of the excellent advice was to focus on the people who ARE excited and share the wedding talk/prep with them.

        • Lisa

          I think I remember that! Didn’t the bride’s sister have a “rough life” or something like that so they didn’t want to appear too happy about the bride’s good fortune and make the sister feel bad about her own life?

          • anonymous

            Thanks for the support, guys. I’m lucky that my SO’s family is super over the moon, and very enthusiastic about all of our ideas. I’ve been sharing a lot with my fabulous future MIL which has helped ease the sting a lot.

          • rg223

            Yes! I forgot that part of the letter obviously, but you jogged my memory and I remember thinking, “This girl is the sister from Rachel Getting Married” (not to make light of her situation at all – the sister was the most sympathetic character to me).

    • Amy March

      You live your life. Be as happy and engaged as you want. Pick whatever date and vendors you want. Talk to her when you want to talk to your sister. Yeah, her reaction wasn’t ideal. But she apologized, and I don’t think your SO calling her selfish is particularly helpful. She isn’t being weird or confusing, she is sad and jealous because her life isn’t working out exactly as she wants it right now. That’s unfortunate, but it doesn’t mean you need to do anything differently or that, on top of her hurt, she needs to be told to suck it up and not be weird. She said she was sorry!

      • anonymous

        I am really trying for some compassion. I get how upsetting this can be – I was jealous of other friends who got engaged before me, too. For now I’m cooling it on sharing stuff with her (hence why I haven’t discussed our thoughts about the date, or told her I bought a dress), it just sucks because I was really excited about experiencing this wonderful time together.

    • idkmybffjill

      I have a dear friend whose life has ended up really parallel to mine. She started dating her (now) husband a few months after I started dating mine, moved in with him a few months after we moved in together, and got engaged first. It hurt, I won’t lie. In our situation, her husband proposed with an heirloom ring his mom gave him while my husband was designing mine with a jeweler. It made me feel so upset – mostly because since we’re in a tightknit group, I knew I would need to space things out so our friends didn’t have to be bridesmaids twice in a month or something. And I felt like I had to plan my whole wedding around her. I had a couple of things like the photography that really hurt me, although I didn’t say anything to her, because I felt like – what would’ve been the point? I really don’t think the second paragraph is fair of your sister at all – but in my experience, excitement sort of multiplies. Her joy won’t take away from yours, it’ll just expand upon it – at least that’s my wish for you! Hopefully she’ll get engaged quickly and it will become a non-issue. In the meantime, I’d say you should cultivate people who can be pumped about all things wedding with you unabashedly. Friends, future in laws, just generally people who don’t have a dog in the fight. I’m sorry you’re not getting to have that all the time! I think that’s really uncool of your sister and family to put that on you.

      • anonymous

        Thanks for helping me to see the other side. I think I’m going to take the advice of some of the above posters and discuss it with my mom. I want joy to be multiplying all over the place, for everyone! I can understand why she would be upset and jealous, it just hurts that she can’t put my happiness and excitement above that and separate the two – my being engaged doesn’t really have anything to do with her getting engaged.

        • idkmybffjill

          Absolutely. Also – being a bridesmaid (or MOH if that’s the case?) Is also really fun (IMO), hopefully she’ll be able to find some joy in that role too! Particularly at the wedding. Whenever I’m a bridesmaid I feel like SUCH a star. People are so nice to the VIPs!

      • NolaJael

        This is a total aside, but I had a friend in college whose life paralleled mine, closely enough that it was a running joke between us. Same major! Same study abroad! as well as a bunch of personal stuff. Then she got married quickly thereafter and started making babies and I started to feel left behind…until her younger sister got cancer that caused her to be paralyzed from the waist down. I have a younger sister, too (parallel lives, yo!) and thanked my lucky stars that we were on different courses at that point.

    • idkmybffjill

      Oh! And to address your question…. I’m not sure if this is the right approach, you’ll know your sister better than I – but since it seems like she’s pretty comfortable talking with you about the things she already has planned….. Maybe you guys could talk about that more? Has she been DYING for years to have bubble gum pink dresses for her bridesmaids? Will she be gutted if you do that and she feels like now she can’t? Or do y’all care if you have the same color? Supposing you weren’t also very attached, that would be an easy thing to change. May be more than you want to do, but might help ease the tension.

      Also for the photographer thing – why would it matter that you might both use the same one? I would understand if it were venue or wedding dress… but what even?

      • Lisa

        This might be a nice gesture. My sister had originally discussed one color for her dresses, and after I sent her some samples of color schemes we were discussing, she all of a sudden started talking about eggplant for them, which was the primary color in all of our schemes. I don’t know why it bothered me, but it did. She eventually backed off that color and went in a completely different direction, but it would probably have bothered me if she’d picked some elements that were identical to our wedding.

        • idkmybffjill

          I had a very similar situation, which is why I brought it up – ha! My friend who got engaged first and was getting married first was EXTREMELY indecisive, so I’d already planned our color scheme (I was engaged at that point, so different, but still) while she was still deciding. She asked me to go with her to pick out bridesmaids dresses and slowly started picking out mismatched dresses in the same color scheme that I’d chosen (of which she was well informed, she was also one of my bridesmaids). She nixed it and went with all navy and it was gorgeous and wonderful – but I definitely saw red for a hot sec. It was further complicated by the feelings of not wanting to be the bride who was like, ‘BUT THAT IS MY WEDDING LOOK!”

          • Amy March

            And it’s also so hard because in many ways these decisions really aren’t unique. Thousands of brides had navy blue last year! Ditto mismatched blushes corals and melons. But when you are in really close proximity you naturally loose that forest.

          • idkmybffjill

            Exactly!! It’s super silly in retrospect. According to my facebook feed EVERY bride had my exact color scheme last year and it basically just made me think, “all these pictures are so pretty”. This particular friend and I have a bit of a history where I’ll say, “I’m thinking I’ll buy an apple” and she’ll text me the next day and say, “Omgosh have you heard of apples? I just bought one they’re AMAZING”. And it’s always stuck with me…. Weddings, and particularly weddings that happen in close proximity with one another just sort of magnify any existing tensions. Which is exactly what happened in ours.

            End of the day? Both our weddings ruled, being there for hers was one of the great joys of my life. I’m so happy she was with me for mine. The dresses didn’t matter.

      • anonymous

        Thanks for your thoughts. I might steal this! I don’t think we have any of the same ideas, other than a few vendors, obviously, but if there’s something that she has dreamed about that I don’t care about, I’d be happy to pick a different option if it’s important to her. And the photographer… I know. She is a great photog, super reasonably priced (I actually think she is drastically underpricing herself for her talent but hey), and unsurprisingly one of the most popular wedding photographers in our town – so we know a bunch of people who have used her already. I get why it stung, but like.. we’re not going to spend a bunch more money, or go with a less talented option, just so that my sister doesn’t feel like she’s copying us at her hypothetical, likely several years away if it happens, wedding.

        • idkmybffjill

          It’s just one of those things that no one would even be able to tell! Sure, style is noticable if you have an eye for it – but presumably location and people in the photos will have sufficient differences! Ha!

    • GotMarried!

      Whats to say you can’t both use the same photographer? They’d already know some of the family dynamics, and hey, maybe a referral discount!?

      • Kelly

        Agreed- I can see why someone could be upset by same dress/venue/color scheme but using the same vendors? Just because you utilize the same services of someone does not mean you’re having the “same” wedding

        • savannnah

          My twin sister got married in 2013 and my partner and I are having our wedding at the same venue this year and no one had any feeling about it beyond ‘isnt that lovely’. I think its all about expectations and the underlying relationship between sisters- we are just not competitive at all and know that our weddings wont be the same because we aren’t the same.

        • AP

          Definitely! Also decor items can be styled very differently. My husband’s sister got married a month after us, which at first was a little aggravating, but in the end I loved being able to just pass along all my vases, table runners, candles and string lights to her after the wedding and see how she styled them look totally different from our wedding.

      • RNLindsay

        Adding on to agree! A friend of mine used the same photographer as her sister. It seemed great! He knew the family already and we kept joking that he was an extra bridesmaid because he just fit right in. I see no problem with sharing a photographer or other vendors.

      • Leah

        Yes! My sister is getting married eight months after me and we are using a couple of the same vendors and it’s great. She’s having her dress made by the same designer (who I researched and chose) who is giving us both discounts on our veils and we’re using the same videographer (who she researched) and is giving us both a free extra hour of coverage. If the same vendors work then it’s just efficient!

      • KPM

        Yup, definitely agree with this one. Yes, your photos may be the same general style (more photojournalist or more washed out, etc) but the day that is captured will be totally unique. AND she’ll get the benefit of already being a little more comfortable with the photog!

      • laddibugg

        Eh, I’d bet the photographer isn’t the issue, it’s that the sister got engaged first, and the photog is just what set her off.

    • PAJane aka Awesome Tits

      It’s your sister’s job to manage her own emotions. You haven’t done anything to hurt her. I agree with others who are telling you to reach out to people who are supportive, rather than the ones who aren’t. It would also be great if you were able to tell her directly how she’s making you feel, and give her a change to self-reflect and improve her attitude, or take a big step back. She may be frustrated about her own relationship, but she needs to take that up with her partner, not you. Happiness is not a zero-sum game. There will be plenty of joy to go around for both of you.

      • anonymous

        Thanks for saying this. I’ve thought about talking to her more about it. We live in different cities, so it would have to be by phone… I’m just not sure that it would help. She is the type to get defensive. I’m practicing some self care by not sharing ideas with her anymore, so she can’t shoot them down. And really leaning on my close friends (who are thrilled) and FH’s family (also thrilled).

    • Sarah

      So my fiance and I dated for a very long time before getting engaged, and for much of that time I was much more ready to be engaged than he was. While it’s all good now (our wedding is in 2 months), it was very painful for me. During the time we were dating, we had several friends meet, date, get engaged, married, and have children. It’s not that I was jealous of them- I was truly happy for them. I wanted good things to happen for them. However, it did shine a giant spot light on my own hurt and pain. For the last couple years before our engagement, I basically started turning down all wedding invites I received. I personally just couldn’t do it. Does this make me a bad friend? I don’t know, but I hope my friends know it was not about my happiness for them, but rather my own sadness.

      I can imagine your own sister feels the same way, but even more intensely as it is her own sister, rather than one of a group of friends. I bet she loves you and is in her heart happy and excited for you, but her sadness is also in her mind. While it’s not what you want, she might not be able to provide you the excited reaction you crave. That doesn’t mean you are wrong for wanting/ needing it. Are you able to surround yourself with good friends, let them in on how you wish your family was more excited, and hopefully they will give you the type of reaction you need? I know when I called my Mom to tell her I was engaged, her response was “oh. ok.” But when I called my best friend, she literally started screaming excitedly on the streets of New York- and telling all the onlookers that her bff had gotten engaged. Since then my friends have been able to wrap me in love and support, that my family is unable or unwilling to provide.

      All that said, I wouldn’t go changing all of your plans based on your sister’s wedding desires. In the end, if she loves you and wants the best for you, she’ll understand. That doesn’t mean you won’t have to deal with some negative short-term reactions. Show her love and empathy and compassion.

    • LP

      I have this same problem with my sister, but it’s about everything. I’m already married, and recently bought a house too. My sister bought one in Nov 2015, ours was Aug 2016, and she was still acting like we were stealing her thunder. Any suggestions on how to deal with this would be much appreciated.

      • Leah

        This is really tough. I’ve been on the opposite side (not my finest moment) when my sister got engaged (three years younger than me, with her BF less than two years while I’d been with mine for six etc etc). I did have a few “you couldn’t have waited just a bit longer?” moments, but a combination of my own self-awareness (Leah, you’re being a jerk) and her really showing a lot of interest in our planning and just genuinely being really great got rid of it.

        Are you or your sister older? I feel like eldest kids (@me included) get used to doing/having everything FIRST and the praise that comes with that newness.

        If it’s everything, that’s really hard. You shouldn’t be expected to put off something like a property purchase for someone’s feelings as it’s a financial decision based on markets, loans etc etc. Have you talked to her about it? I feel like stuff like this is often rooted in something else. Does she feel like you stole her thunder often when you guys were kids?

        • LP

          I’m the younger one. She’s 5 years older than me. In my just general guessing, she seems to think that everything has come very easily to me and that is not true for her. Any time I’ve tried to talk with her, I’ve been blown off and then she continues to be passive aggressive.

          • Leah

            Ah ok. That’s really crappy behaviour on her part and a weird assumption to make that she’s had to work harder for what she has.

        • NolaJael

          Yes, I do think that it’s part of the transition to adulthood to realize that age and birth order matter less and less as you go along. In my experience, I think these sort of first-to-get-engaged things matter much more to younger people (like 20 somethings) who are still accustomed to being in systems like high school and universities where age/grade matters and gives you privileges, etc. It sounds cliche, but the 30 and 40 somethings I know have seen enough people married then divorced or going through other health or money scares to make the comparative timeline not matter as much.

          • Leah

            As one of these aforementioned 20 somethings, I agree with you 100%!

    • Totch

      Sisters are hard! When I told my older sister my wedding date, she went “hopefully I’ll be married by then!” This was about a year before the date, and I hadn’t even anticipated her current boyfriend attending my wedding (which is siblings and parents only, so people weren’t expecting +1s).

      Hearing about other people tying the knot can be hard, reactions can be weird. What I learned from my sister’s reaction was that she was more serious about this guy than I thought, and that I was gonna need to be mindful of her desire to be married.

      To the former: they broke up 2 weeks before save the dates went out, but he would have been invited and I’d made plans to meet him on a trip home before the wedding. To the latter: yeah, it’s a bit of walking on eggshells, but I’d rather know they’re there.

    • Leah

      I struggle with this too! I have a particular friend who’s always been weirdly competitive with me (she HATED when I bought my apartment) and she was happy for me but she very much would like to be engaged herself and it shows.

      I think you just have to do what other people have said and focus on those who are happy for you and interested. It will save her feelings and you’ll still get to feel enthusiasm from others. Can your mum have a talk to her about it?

      • Amy March

        Not useful with sisters, but as I age I find I’m just not friends with people who want to be weirdly competitive about life. No time for that!

        • Leah

          This is very sage advice.

          To be fair, she’s gradually getting better the more secure she becomes in her own life and choices.

    • KPM

      I mean, it was maybe a bit selfish but she’s your sister. I think she gets to be honest with you about this, given that she also has said she feels bad. Not knowing much context, it sounds like it’s a tough situation for both of you. You may have to be okay with her not being your go-to person to talk through wedding details and at the official events you have in advance and day of, I hope that she’s able to do the internal work to set her own feelings aside.

      That said, from other family members, I hope they can give you nothing but unbridled excitement.

    • I think it’s reasonable of her to say something, because it would be much harder for both of you if she kept getting upset and didn’t explain why. I’m sure she’s trying to manage her emotions, but it’s not fair to expect her to just not have them. She’s probably worrying that when she does get engaged it will be a smaller deal because she’s second and everyone will be burnt out on wedding stuff by then. As an older sister getting married after the younger, the experience is definitely different – there’s a lot of comparisons with my sister’s wedding (mum even told me I should wear her dress to save money!) and people are much less keen to be hands on because they’ve been there done that. The in laws are much more excited because it’s a first wedding for them.

      I’d talk with your mum about how you feel like things are awkward right now, and maybe set up a wedding prep date with the two of you so she can enthuse without worrying about hurting your sister’s feelings. I’d also ask your sister how much she wants to be involved; are things extra awkward because she feels excluded now, and you’ve got a hall of mirrors awkwardness pinging back and forth thing going on where everyone’s attempts to make things not awkward is reflecting the awkwardness back at everyone a hundredfold and super distorted?

  • Hayley

    I, of course, did it the hard way. I decided a long time ago that we should get married on our anniversary. (We have some really fun traditions around that are based on that date specifically) So when we realized that getting married on our 10 year anniversary would work perfect, we picked it. And I now, I have to find a venue that isn’t busy with all the late december holidays to host and due to my circulation issues, has an indoor ceremony space in a city known for it’s beautiful weather. Sometimes, I almost regret picking my date first but I remember that the wedding is one day but keeping our anniversary is forever.

  • Alyssa

    We went for a specific date. Our thought process was “Wouldn’t it be great if we could celebrate our wedding on the Summer Solstice? At the yearly summer solstice music festival/block party in France?” Obviously YES, and we couldn’t think of anything we liked better than that idea, soooo even though it’s a Wednesday, we’ll all be on vacation there, so it doesn’t matter. No better way to spend the longest day of the year!

    • Hayley

      That sounds awesome!!

  • Canadian

    My mantra for the entire wedding planning process, including picking a date: “There is no such thing as a convenient wedding.” It’s all about the degree to which it is inconvenient and the cost-benefit calculations your guests will be doing in their heads.

    Living in Canada, and, like 80% of all Canadians, within an hour’s drive of the CDN-USA border, both American (WA, OR, MT, ID) and Canadian (BC, AB, YK) holidays influence how busy my city’s venues/hotels/restos are….. so fiancé and I pulled out calendars for all of these places and picked the one weekend in our winter season that was far enough from Christmas to not be a big financial burden on an already high-cost couple weeks, and didn’t have a single damn holiday on it so that we could ensure our guests would be able to get hotels and flights at non-inflated prices (between Reading Week/Spring Break for unis [which are all of course staggered, because why make it consistent and universal], Valentine’s, President’s Day, Family Day….. god February alone is full of reasons for hotels to double their prices and March doesn’t get much better as prices start to go up as tourism season approaches). This also ensured we got a good deal on our local honeymoon the week after as it was in-between these super over-priced weekends and weeks, and the accommodation people were just happy to have someone fill a room at break-even costs in between.

    We picked a Friday because we could save money with vendors and get way more flexibility with vendors by having it on a weekday. We are starting the event late enough in the day that people can work the morning and come for the afternoon if they choose, or fly out that morning even – I view this as a chance to save them money because instead of having to fly out Friday evening and back Sunday, it’s just Friday morning to Saturday (1 night at a hotel only). By having a small wedding and sending out invites 3.5 months in advance I figured people could book the days off with plenty of time to sort out flights and whatnot. It’s one day off work adjacent to a weekend, and lots of people don’t work regular hours anyways (students, retired, resto/service industry, nonprofits) and… personal pet peeve…… really how obnoxious do you have to be to expect someone to plan a wedding that matches your work schedule?! Work’s work. This is someone’s life-changing event. Give enough notice to plan a way around it…. I’m talking “this team has a sportsball game” or “I don’t want to use my vacation days” kind level…… it’s different if your best friend has already booked flights for a round trip across the globe, then you’ll either have to do without or plan around her trip.

    • CMT

      First, I do totally think you should plan your wedding when you want to and that nobody should be complaining to you about the date you choose or expect you to change it. That would be ridiculous and out of line. But getting a day off isn’t always as easy as “Give enough notice to plan a way around it….”. Personally, I’d rather spend money for an extra night in a hotel than lose a day’s pay/vacation time. But I’d still go, and I certainly wouldn’t say anything about it to the couple getting married.

      • Lisa

        This is my feeling, too. I mean, I’ve been in two Friday weddings this past year, and obviously I made them work, but as someone who only gets 10 vacation days a year that have to be accrued, I guard them very closely so I can also do the travelling that’s important to me. Clearly a “know your crowd” type of thing, but the vacation situation is more difficult than some might think.

        • anonymous

          Not trying to pile on Canadian, as they clearly mentioned that their circumstance “lots of people don’t work regular hours anyways,” but yes to guarding vacation days closely. My partner and I are trying to conceive this year and since neither of us has any paid parental leave (USA! USA!) we’re both having to turn down invites to save leave (without being able to say why quite yet) just so we can scrape together a month or two at home with a newborn sometime in the future.

          Everyone’s circumstances differ and other people have important life events too that may supersede a wedding.

          • Canadian

            I don’t feel piled on, just that people are assuming a lot of things true for a big wedding are also true at a small one. My wedding is 10 friends (5 each for fiancé and I) and extended family. That’s it. Anyone in a circumstance to not be able to come is close enough to disclose freely and we can make a workaround, whether helping them to find cheaper couchsurf style accommodation or just tweaking the timing a bit. Anyone who wouldn’t feel that our wedding is worth using paid days off isn’t invited (unlike at a 50+ person wedding), and we know about the people with financial issues who may not be able to make it and have put things in place to prevent them being make or break issues. A lot of the replies that you mentioned are “piling on” are replying to a straw man fallacy…. to a situation that is irrelevant to my original post.

      • Amy March

        I might not go, and I don’t actually see how this is any different hotel wise than a Saturday wedding (fly in Saturday morning, out Sunday?), and I think presenting a Friday wedding as a cost savings to the guests is honestly overselling the benefits. I don’t think there is anything wrong with it at all though, it’s just hard for me to get the time off!

        • Jess

          Yeah, we did a Friday wedding and by no means did it save our guests money. It’s a great line to tell yourself (Oh, our guests will get cheaper flights and hotel rooms! They get a bonus day of weekend!) but honestly? We knew some people would be inconvenienced and may not make it. We understood.

          The only real upshot was that a few of our friends had other weddings (multiple different ones!) to attend on Saturday, so they were able to come to both weddings instead of having to choose.

        • Canadian

          Of course I wouldn’t say anything to the guests about costs…. they don’t need to know why it’s Friday nor would I volunteer that anywhere other than an anonymous internet forum…. they just need to know THAT it’s Friday. It’s something that saved me money and hopefully they can save a bit too (e.g. the lack of long weekend pricing).

          I also think the idea of a traditional weekend is one that is SOOOOO not universal….. like I said in my original post, a lot of people don’t have Sat-Sun as their regular days off, and in my specific wedding case at least half of the people people don’t.

          To CMT: I would argue that paying another night in a hotel costs the same as losing a day’s pay/vacation (somewhere between $100-$200+/day for each), so it’s 6 to one half dozen the other at worst?

          As I also said in the original post, we are having a small wedding and have 98% positive RSVP response not including the “courtesy invites” (e.g. older family who are not able to travel)… anyone who “might not go” based on day of the week wasn’t invited haha.

          • NolaJael

            We had similar issues with balancing costs and time. The baby boomers mostly worked M-F jobs and had the weekend free, but the millenials are largely in the service industry and take a huge hit if they have to miss Friday and Saturday nights. There is definitely not a one-size-fits-all solution anymore.

          • Canadian

            SO true re generation gap scheduling gap….. most of the boomers in my family are retiring or retired now too, so it’s “oh I have my Alaskan cruise already scheduled that weekend” more than work-related stuff… and those that are still employed have worked long enough to get 3-5 weeks of vacation and that’s not an issue at all for them. Most of the people my age either have paid vacation and are fine using it (I know mat leave isn’t a guaranteed thing in the US, but based on some of these replies it seems like vacation days aren’t either? I genuinely don’t know the system there…. in Canada every employee gets 2 weeks per year or payment in lieu, and most people working FT in a career-type job get 3 weeks to start and up from there, plus any banked OT) or are working a zillion jobs/contracts and because of that have some flexibility in booking time off at the PT work or just working more the week before or after so they complete the contract on time.

          • CMT

            I could definitely find accommodations for cheaper than a day of my pay! But my point was, your guests might have different priorities than you do when it comes to this, and it’s just something to be aware of when people make their decisions.

          • Canadian

            Sure, and that’s what I mentioned in my original post’s first paragraph.

            (you can’t find accommodations in my city for less than 150% of my very reasonable middle class daily take-home so it’s more of a big deal for my situation)

    • Abbey

      As others have said, you should absolutely plan your wedding when works for you, but it is worth being aware that not everyone has vacation days. I teach at a university, which means that a lot of the time I have a lot of flexibility, but if I’m teaching a class on a Friday, I have to be at that class (or go through a huge amount of hassle than may have negative professional consequences). Definitely a “know-your-crowd” kind of thing, I would say.

      • Lisa

        One of the Friday weddings I was in this past year also had a bridesmaid who was a graduate assistant teaching a class until 1:45, and we were supposed to be ready by 3 for pictures. There are some hilarious getting ready photos of the make-up artist and I working on her at the same time, trying to beat the clock.

    • Totch

      We had a similar “it can’t be convenient for everyone” take (twins again, Canadian!) which led us to book in the spring. Not only are we getting wedding off-season rates, it’s also more affordable for guests because April 1 in Vancouver dodges both ski season and summer tourists.

      I’ll confess that my biggest pet peeve is the amount that big things tend to be planned around school calendars. Most folks don’t get freaking summer vacation! For everyone but the 2 families with school aged kids, getting time off for my wedding was easier than for a summer wedding.

      I feel a bit bad that those families’ kids will miss a couple days of school, but all of the kids in question are still in primary school so the parents have said the stakes aren’t that high. (And as a kidless person whose work doesn’t operate on an academic calendar, it feels kind of nice and a bit rebellious not to be prioritizing it.)

  • Kalë

    Just chose our date last weekend, pretty much using these exact steps. June 2nd, 2018! We had one bridesmaid’s graduation to work around, but other than that, we requested no input. Sadly, we now have to wait to “officially” set it until June, because our venue doesn’t book more than a year in advance. But you better believe June 1st I’m jumping on that ish.

    • Totch

      I have to resist the feeling that I’m a creep for saying this (We’ve all chosen to be in this community! I am not a stalker for remembering the stories of other commenters!), but it has been so cool to see your process from preengaged to this. Congrats on picking a date!

      • Kalë

        Haha, not even a little creepy! I actually think that’s one of the best parts of this community… keeping up with people’s “real life” stuff. I could name quite a few others’ whose journeys I follow, myself. Thanks :)

      • Kalë

        Adding – this gave me warm fuzzies :)

  • emmers

    Our date definitely picked itself. We originally wanted to get married in September or October, since we were thinking of having our wedding outside. But then lots of family had conflicts, and the (inside) venue didn’t have dates available then, sooo… early November it was! It ended up being great, weather-wise, and I think away from high wedding season enough to make vendors a little easier, while still not being amidst the holidays. There were still people who couldn’t come, like my dear friend who lived far away and was due to give birth the day before, but it was still great.

  • Shawna

    We knew we were planning an Indian-wedding’s worth of activities so that meant a holiday weekend would be kindest to our guests who would be flying from all over the country (and world). We had the idea of Memorial Day weekend since it was summer-ish, didn’t step on holiday celebrations, and commemorated our first weekend away together (when things got a lot more serious for us). We had the benefit of getting engaged in October so we took our time (a good month or two) before planning anything at all and then when we started looking at venues in early 2015 basically asked how far in advance we would need to book a Sunday on a holiday weekend. The venues we talked to or researched in the Bay had a general one year in advance window to book (you couldn’t book earlier than that). I’m sure there are others that do book farther out (university chapels, etc), but that made it easy for us. Somehow we STILL lost out on our Sunday, which they had penciled in for us, but when we pointed out how hypocritical that was that someone had managed to confirm more than a year in advance when they had specifically told us we couldn’t they gave us the Saturday at the Sunday rate. SCORE! Already affordable venue SO MUCH more affordable! We don’t have the date I would have preferred from a gut reaction to numbers perspective, but we plan to celebrate Memorial Day weekend as our anniversary. Calendar numbers be damned.

    Holiday weekends can mean increased rates and lowered availability for hotels and vendors, but it ended up being worth it since we had the year to plan in advance and it all worked out for everyone! Those who didn’t come weren’t blocked because of the date.

  • Mia

    My date is 7/7/17! We got really lucky with a google search of art galleries in our town. The space was big enough and available so we jumped on it before the secret got out.

  • Shirley Schmidt

    Currently in date limbo here! We got engaged in October last year, and we were all set for October 2018 for money reasons when…my fiancé’s dad died. Apart from dealing with the shock of that – they hadn’t spoken for about 2 years after his parents’ messy divorce and he didn’t know he was dying – there is currently huge uncertainty about whether fiancé will inherit anything. If he does, it’s likely to be enough to at least pay for a much sooner wedding.
    We have almost everything picked out already so it’s this weird limbo of grief and uncertainty and hope that swings from one to the other. Hopefully we’ll find out in the next few weeks.

    • Aw that’s so sad to hear, I’m sorry.

      I don’t know why but I was all rush-y rush-y trying to nail stuff down asap. Got engaged in June and only just picked the date like a week ago. Before choosing the date, in my head I was like, “6 months is forever to not have figured it out!” But once it fell into place it just made sense and felt right. Hope you get outta limbo soon :)

  • DressDistress

    Omg I stressed so much about picking a date. I literally made a mega-spreadsheet with every week in 2016 and the average high temp, low temp, precipitation (and chance of thunderstorm vs just rain), humidity… even hurricane risk (not joking). Plus every holiday and significant event (parents’ anniversary, birthdays, etc). It was heavily color-coded. We chose the date that had the highest chance of being a perfect temperature and rain-free: Sept 10th.

    It was 95 degrees and humid af. One degree away from being the hottest temp ever recorded for that day in my state. Freak heat wave that came around just in time for my 100% outdoor wedding. We lived but… it wasn’t ideal.

    I guess my point is that even if you do everything “right” it still might not go exactly as you’ve planned. You can only control so much.

    • NolaJael

      Yep. I’m more-than-glowing sweating in a couple of our close up shots from our September wedding in the mountains, because some years it’s average temps in the 60s but ours it was high 80s!

    • Totch

      I’m getting married in the evening in the spring, and spent toooooo much time looking at sunset calendar.

    • rg223

      Septemeber 10th is my son’s birthday! The day he was born, it poured all. day. long. For his first birthday, we had an outdoor party in 96 degree weather. But you are so right – the weather SHOULD be perfect that day. Solidarity!

    • “I Don’t Knowww, Margo!”

      We got married on September 10th this year! I had been hoping it would be warm and sunny, but it ended up being a little cloudy and sprinkling. Happily, we hardly noticed. It was definitely a conscious decision to not get upset by the weather when we decided to have an outdoor wedding.

  • Fance

    We used a process of elimination – we got engaged in November 2016. We’ve been together just over a year, so weren’t looking for a super short engagement – we figured maybe fall 2017 would be nice. Well, turns out the best man to-be is getting married in November, so that was out. Then, since most of my besties from graduate school are a few years younger (I’m in my early 30’s) between the 6 of them someone’s attending a wedding almost every weekend in August – October (glad I checked!), so those were out. The three weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas can be hectic, so we figured we wouldn’t have people travel then, but we wanted to be somewhat close to Christmas since my bridesmaid (only having 1 + a MOH) lives across the country, and we didn’t want her to have to book round trip tickets twice in close proximity…so, January 6 it is! We figure it will just be a way to extend the holidays a little longer / give us an excuse to go on warm vacations to celebrate our anniversary in the future!

    • Kyle Hutchinson

      We were the same way – we wanted to get married in
      spring or fall (summer: too sweaty and hotels in our
      location are exorbitantly priced; winter: potential of missing out on out-of-town guests due to
      weather). We got engaged in October 2016 and spring 2016 seemed too
      close and spring 2017 seemed too far away, so when found a venue we
      liked in the neighborhood we wanted, we asked them if they had Saturday
      availability in September or October and… they didn’t. But they had
      the first Saturday in November. Which means the end of Daylight Savings and an extra hour to party! I checked with my one engaged cousin and he said they were thinking 2018, so no problem there.

  • Jessica

    We quickly identified Fall 2017 as the target season and I’m slightly chagrined to say that the specific date was chosen around the state college football team’s schedule. My fiancé and I do not care about sports at all but the guests we’re inviting care very much. Such is life.

    • Angela’s Back

      We had to move our date back a few days to enable my college sophomore brother to fly in and out such that he only missed two days of class instead of the three or four he would have missed… a sophomore, I ask you. Like he was even taking anything that important yet, and like his professors wouldn’t have understood that it was HIS SISTER’S WEDDING… the things we do for family.

      • Fushigidane

        While that sucks, just from personal experience, I was taking a lot of major specific classes sophomore year and other difficult classes. My major specific professors were really nice and understanding but don’t try anything with the orgo department. They gave a long spiel about there are no excuses for missing an exam and it was an automatic 0. I know of this happening to one person because his car broke down on the way to the exam. The only way someone might have gotten around it was by going through he school and saying they had to miss for religious reasons.

        • Angela’s Back

          In retrospect I should probably thank him, our original date was right after election day :(

    • AP

      We definitely had family who didn’t come to our wedding because it was during an LSU football game. {shrugs}

      • Eenie

        We planned our wedding for the spring because we’re big bama fans and most of our guests have a college team they route for. I think (hope?) they still would have come, but it definitely factored into our decision.

      • Canadian

        I am very involved in sports and I still have such a hard time understanding or relating to people who pick a televised sports game over an intimate ceremony between two members of their family (!) (not just friends) that changes their lives forever. This comment thread has me all wideyed and incredulous.

      • Lindsey d.

        We got married in spring to avoid LSU football season altogether. And most people I know consult the calendar. But bye weeks get so crowded that it makes those hard to pick, so some people intent on fall weddings just make do.

        But I’ve been to game day weddings that had TVs set up just outside the reception room for the diehards. Football is a big thing and a lot of people take it very seriously. It’s a know-your-audience thing.

    • A.

      Friends of mine with zero interest in sports accidentally scheduled their wedding over Superbowl weekend (that’s how little they cared about sports – it didn’t even occur to them that they should check for that as a conflict.) Thankfully it was not on the actual Sunday, but people were PISSED to have to travel that weekend. It was rough; some family members made the bride cry by complaining about it at the reception and someone even snarkily mentioned it in a toast.

      A lot of the guests were jerks about it but figuring out what your guests care about even if you don’t AT ALL and planning accordingly can really save a lot of heartache.

      • Amy March

        I could totally see doing that myself! Like, my (fictional) wedding is Saturday, so you can be home in time to eat your body weight in nacho cheese and wings, promise.

  • Leah

    I’d always envisioned us getting married in Spring (favourite season blah blah) and October and November are already full of family birthdays so we settled on a September. The hardest thing for us was picking the year!

    We got engaged late August 2015 so that September was out then we started looking at September 2016 but a lot of his family live in Croatia (moved back to look after grandparents) and his mum asked if we could push it back so we’ve settled on late September 2017.

    This actually turned out really well. I thought I’d hate a long engagement but it’s keeping the stress levels low, meaning I don’t have to rush into any decisions and we had first choice for all of our vendors. Additionally, my younger sister got engaged eight months after us so we get to plan our weddings together which has been surprisingly lovely (and has included many a therapeutic “WTF?! Vendors/people/the world is nuts!” session).

    If you’re not under any time constraints, TTC, visas, etc I’d definitely recommend a long engagement.

    • NolaJael

      We had wonderful family friends get married in India and they had a long engagement for the same reasons. Everyone going needed visas, etc. and guests had lots of time to plan extra tourist excursions and whatnot.

      • Leah

        Exactly! We’ve got people coming from the US and UK as well so it meant there was a higher chance they’d be able to make it and they have a lot of time to plan.

    • nutbrownrose

      It took me way too long to figure out why you were talking about Spring and September in the same sentence…

  • KPM

    My siblings have the same anniversary and I’m two days after and it’s totally based on when my parents have their summer break (teachers.) We all could have had later in the summer but for the two of them wedding in South meant earlier in the summer was better and for me I was also taking into consideration some family on my husband’s side. I don’t know if either my siblings or their spouses particularly wanted a summer wedding. Mine was the only one outdoors even though the Bay Area isn’t so summery in June. (“Karl” the fog was definitely in attendance.)

  • Totch

    Our date vs venue drama was the opposite of what’s listed above. We knew our guests would be traveling in from other countries so we needed the date set well in advance, but we had our hearts set on a city owned venue. For our city (and many other ultra cheap venues looking to control demand a bit) the booking calendar only opens up slots a few months at a time.

    That meant that both our save the dates and our invites went out before the space was officially ours (STDs went out 10 months before, invites 5 months before because it’s basically a destination wedding and we knew people needed to get passports). 4 months before, we officially booked. Just today (less than 3 months before) we got our invoice. So… all’s well that ends well?

    If you’re in the same boat, here’s what worked for us: before setting the date (13 months before wedding date) I emailed the venue and said “I understand we can’t book yet, but do you know of any major conflict with any of these dates?” One overlapped with an annual event they do, the rest were clear. I cross checked with the reception venue, which could book far in advance, and picked our date from that info. We told the venue our date, and they agreed to let us know if anyone else asked about it (they wouldn’t be allowed to consider it held for us or scare anyone off, and we didn’t ask them to). They didn’t email us any warnings, so I checked in one more time 6 months before the date and then booked at 4 months.

    So the venue was aware and expecting our booking, but we kept contact minimal and never asked for special treatment. We got our date, and (as far as I can tell) didn’t piss anyone off!

    Oh, also, try to have a backup venue that doesn’t require a booking fee (eg. a house or a park)

  • I’d also add that thinking about when you want to honeymoon is important. Yes, the marriage is about the big day, but for many people (in the US at least), your week or 2-week honeymoon may be the only big trip you take that year. It should be the trip you want it to be, whether it’s a beach destination or hiking in the snow. If you’re dreaming of a certain country AND set on honeymooning right afterwards, make sure you’re not going during monsoon season or heading there when the climate isn’t what you expect.

    My partner and I were recently deciding between an August or an end of October date for our wedding and settled on August. I think for the wedding itself, October would have been nicer (it will be in the desert, so a little winter chill will help cool things off) but we both agreed we really really really wanted to honeymoon in Italy. I would have been really bummed to go there and not get the beach time I’ve been dreaming of for years.

  • Jane

    We were doing long-distance when we got engaged (and still are) so we picked our wedding date based on when we would actually be able to live together. As in, we wanted to be done with all the distance by when we got married.
    It’s meant a pretty long engagement and also that we are planning it for right after the job I currently have ends and right before I move. In the city I’ll be moving away from. So – that’s going to be a busy couple weeks. Everything will be changing all at once!

  • Eh

    Picking our date went like this:
    1. I didn’t want to be engaged for more than a year (give or take a few days/weeks) – we got engaged Oct 2012 so wedding by Oct 2013 (Just prior to us getting engaged my sister/BIL got engaged and they had decided on a two year engagement so having a one year engagement would mean our family wouldn’t have two weddings in the same year)
    2. In-laws said they did not want a wedding in the summer (BIL/SIL got married summer 2012 on the hottest day of the year and many family members complained) and that they wanted the wedding in their hometown (BIL/SIL getting married an hour away, in the city we live, was too inconvenient for some family members)
    3. Called my father (a teacher) and asked if he would be able to go to our wedding if it was in my in-laws hometown (7 hours away from him) during the school year
    4. Looked at dates in Fall (not Spring because of the weather and general feeling of the seasons)
    5. Realized that my work schedule (quarterly reporting) dedicated that we get married either in late September (avoiding my husband’s birthday) or October (we’re in Canada, so also avoiding Thanksgiving)
    6. Looked at some venues, picked a ceremony venue and a reception venue. Both said that the first Saturday in October 2013 was booked but both had the third weekend in October 2013 available so that was the day

    Note: We did not ask my in-laws there thoughts on time of year or location, they told us their preferences right after we told them we were engaged. They said those things knowing that my father is a teacher and that my family lives far away (so it was extremely selfish of them). I think my in-laws wanted to get their preferences known because it is traditional that the wedding occur in the bride’s hometown. Prior to announcing our engagement we had considered some options in the area I grew up and in the city we live but we weren’t set on them.

  • laddibugg

    I wanted to do our dating anniversary (3/17) but St. Patrick’s day is on a Saturday next year. I don’t think I’d have an issue with venues, but I am worried about traffic and drunk folks.

  • mui

    My fiance and I got engaged in October 2015 and my bestie had already set a date for July 2016 (I was also her moh and she was mine). I probably could have planned a wedding for March but didn’t want to stress her out. We decided that three months after (October 2016) would be enough time for her to go on her honeymoon etc. We weren’t set on a particular day in October so that helped to have a time frame but we could be flexible on the dates within that month. It all worked out really well, we had a Sunday wedding! We had the rehearsal Thursday before hand, had a family reunion/dinner on Friday night, and my fiance and I hosted a big pool party at the hotel where most of our families were staying Saturday. It was so fun to get to spend time with smaller groups of people and it was like a whole week of celebrating!
    Initially I was a little nervous that people coming from out of town would be upset that we were having a Sunday wedding. The only person that quasi-complained was a family member that had kids in high school, but they made it work thankfully. No one else had an issue with the date.

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  • Aubry

    C’s birthday is July 24th, mine is July 29th, our anniversary was the Saturday in between (july 26th) cause I wanted one big holiday I can have an excuse to take each year. It’s great.

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