If I could only pass on one thing about our wedding day, it would be this: Getting married? It’s huge. It’s bigger than you ever expected or imagined. It’s life changing. And having done it, I can categorically say, in a way I never understood before, that it is not about the carefully planned the details. If it matters to you to have a cute cake*, by all means, have a cute cake. But it’s barely going to hit your radar screen on your wedding day. The details that will end up mattering to you are the ones you could never ever, ever plan.

By the same token, the huge-ness of the day is why I fall into the camp of, ‘I loved our wedding, but I don’t ever want to do it again.’ The wedding was so important, that doing it twice would make it less powerful. And it was so emotional that I want to remember it, I don’t want to re-live it. The next big party we have, I’m ready to go right to the eating and dancing.

And the pictures? When you look at wedding pictures before getting married, you think, ‘God, I want a wedding that pretty’ or ‘Hum, maybe I could get a short dress.’ But looking at your own wedding pictures is nothing like that. When I look at our first few pictures I see stunning natural beauty, and vibrant colors. I love them, because they remind me of a day of deep joy. But what I saw at the wedding? I saw the color of our friends eyes when she sang the seven wedding blessings to us, I saw Davids face as I circled him, I saw my hand as I accepted my wedding ring, I felt the weight of four-year-olds climbing onto my lap.

So what I mean to say is this: No matter how pretty your wedding details were, no matter how great your dress is, no matter how beautiful your wedding pictures are, they can’t even come close to the beauty of what happens in your soul.

*Or really, fill in the blank here.
Photo: One more stunning sneak peak from One Love Photo with much much love to Heather and Jon. Our wedding pictures could not make us happier, way deep down where it really matters.

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  • Overwhelmed with joy and emotion right now. Very well put Meg – I felt the same way. It was such a privelege to sit and watch everyone sharing a meal, talking, and laughing, and just breath it all in. That is what felt so good – the love of family and friends and looking into Dakota's eyes as we took such a step together. Thanks again!

  • Amen!

  • Not only is what you've written a beautiful thing to say, that is one of the most beautiful wedding photos. I love the view, the composition, the tiny tiny figures in the distance, and the fact that its not posed makes the emotions in it all the more strong. What an affirmation of marriage!

  • evi

    Oh, I am so looking forward to remembering my wedding – I loved what you just wrote, it was so well put and heart-warming. I was literally melting.
    Thank you, now I am even more looking forward to May…

  • kirst

    So true meg. I remember holding his hands, I remember little girls giving "the princess" flowers and the sun going down.

    and of course, beautiful photos. so fitting.

  • One Love Photo

    I love this-thank you!

  • you are a lovely girl, meg. thanks for sharing these gorgeous details of your wedding. i hope that when i am walking down the aisle in april, i will remember the same sweet things that you took away from your wedding.

    thanks for the constant inspiration.

  • I look at my wedding pictures the same way. It is really something to see all the faces of our guests as they stand there watching us make our vows.

    Hey I am doing a great giveaway over on my blog. Drop by and sign up!

  • Oh Meg, I just made the mister read this, because this is the exact conversation we have had about the wedding every single time we’ve talked about it; every word. You articulated it so well. You are good.

  • ~a of SkanksForNothing

    i'm getting married in 3 weeks and i couldn't have said it better myself. thank you for your guidance and honesty!!

  • so well said….

  • I've been engaged for less than a month and I'm already overwhelmed with details. Thank you for helping bring out what is important. I'll be bookmarking this page to read when I'm freaking out over something inconsequential.

  • vanessa

    amen sister! That is exactly what I've been telling my friends that are still going through the motions and agonizing over what "cute" idea to use for escort cards. Stop wasting your time, when the day comes you wont even notice the escort cards.

    The only thing that matters is the smiles on your loved ones faces and how your now husband cant seem to stop staring. omg. amazing.

  • thank you SO much for sharing your post-wedding thoughts… i'm so happy you haven't gone away – you're a wonderful writer! this is the real reason i love the world of wedding blogs – i want to know about people's experiences of their own weddings… pretty table settings are fun, but what you're talking about is the real guts of the thing, and hearing your story is making me even more excited about my own wedding!!

  • This was so perfectly put: "'I loved our wedding, but I don't ever want to do it again.'"

    I think I have said this exact same thing when people have asked me if I feel a let down now that all the wedding planning is over. Let down? Um, no. Being married is WAY more fun than being engaged! And as much fun as we had at our wedding, I plan on having as much, if not more, fun celebrating my 30th birthday soon, and welcoming our hypothetical babies into the world, and just having a beer together on the back porch on a lovely evening.

  • Ah Meg. I needed your words. 3 weeks ago, I was so…what?…disappointed in my wedding pictures. Don't get me wrong, they are beautiful pictures. But it wasn't as beautiful as I remembered the day being. You're right. How could they possibly be? Thank you.

  • oh Meg, you made my heart soar this morning. I absolutely love this post.

  • LPC

    Here is something awful, but necessary to say. The day you get unmarried, should it ever happen to you, will be even bigger than your wedding. Enormous. Horrific. So commit. Mean it. And don't just try to stay married. We all do that. Try to stay in your marriage with every bit of your heart, soul, and mind. Take a stand. Fight. Reconcile. Let no part of you be absent.

  • That joy is still with me three months after our wedding, and we just got our pictures back, so I'm seeing all the joy in others people's faces again.

  • DJ

    Effen love this blog! Beautifully said.

  • Peonies and Polaroids

    So true, so beautiful.

    I never think 'I *want* to do it again'. I sometimes think '*if* we were going to do it again…' But I think that's different.

  • Minta

    How is it that every time I begin to let the details take control, I come here and you've said the exact perfect thing to bring everything back into perspective? This is exactly what I needed to hear today.

  • So happy. For you and for us, your readers, who get to be privy to all these wonderful tidbits. I just read "F*ck subtle" and I know you don't want comments but I have to say thank you. That is all, just plain and simple, thank you.

  • Thank you.

  • Ahhh thank you for this post! I'm getting married in November and have been so focused on the details. Your post just brought me back down to normal. Thank you.

  • Leah J.

    Meg, I've been following your blog for a while now (I'm not even engaged!) and am always in awe of how you phrase your thoughts.

    Honestly, this is one of the most beautiful, heartfelt blog posts I've ever read. It brought tears to my eyes and a smile to my face.


  • Stephanie

    So very very true.
    Every time I look at the photographs of our wedding all I focus on are the smiles on ours and our guests faces. It doesn't matter what the centerpieces look like or what dress you are wearing, or if the weather is sunny and 75 degrees.
    Those smiles and the love of that day are what I will always remember.

  • Sang the seven blessings? Hello, awesomeness.

  • Amy

    I really needed to hear this today. I have been thinking about photography and details so much that I ahve been driving myself crazy. I know the part that will mean the most will be the ceremony and we have poured our soul into it. We did it first, but there's all this other junk that goes with wedding plans now that bogs you down. So thanks!!

  • As usual you hit the nail on the head. You are simply wonderful. What is your secret!!?

  • Jen

    Thank you for the reminder of what a wedding really means. It's the love that matters.

  • April

    As always, dear Meg, your post is timely, thoughtful and oh-so-heartwarming.

    As the weeks wind down toward my own wedding, I'm consumed with silly wedding worries that fill both my waking and sleeping hours; near panic at the flood of RSVPs which arrive every day now; sadness at those that cannot come; glee at those that can; giddiness at the sight of my frock; dreaminess each evening when I come home and the boy is there with a hug and a kiss and a joke to make me laugh. All the while I am thinking "Soon, I'll be Mrs, and all of this whoop-dee-doo and fuss over flowers and place settings WILL.NOT.MATTER."

    The gravity of what we're about to do in 6 weeks and a few days is overwhelming at times, but deeply touching most others.

    So, thank you thank you thank you for bravely and eloquently stating what it truly means to wed and how the details are really quite small in comparision to the beauty of marrying the one you love.

  • Thank you so much for your wonderful and eloquent post. It totally brought me back to my own wedding day, and the feeling of joy,love and enormity of it all. I remember very few design details with absolute clarity, but the feelings and images of my family and friends are vivid still 5 years later.

  • nice. i'm so happy for you.

  • Crying reading your post and realizing, again, what a momentous blessing it was to sing those blessings to you two and look at your happy, smiling faces each time the blessings mentioned the hatan (groom) and kalah (bride). A beautiful day.

  • I love and appreciate your words.

    I am getting married in 2 months and I just had my bachelorette party/bridal shower.

    What I felt was completely unexpected. I felt so loved, so "taken care of", a sense of security that I have never felt in my entire life.

    When my fiance and I decided to have a 30 person guest for our wedding, we decided to not have a bridal party. I did, keep my maid of honor. When all that happened, I emailed all my girlfriends many of whom were not in my original 4 person bridal party and asked if they could wear colors within my color scheme to the wedding.

    Those women, those wonderful beautiful women did something special for me- I can't express to them the gratitude and love I have for each and everyone of them.

    So, I can only imagine how I will feel on my wedding day to be surrounded by truly wonderful caring individuals.

  • Cate Subrosa

    Love the photo, loved this post, you really hit the nail on the head. (And made me want to go look at my wedding photos again, feel it again…)

  • oh, wow. I'm so happy for you!
    And you definitely just tipped the scales in favour of a honeymoon/mini-getaway after the wedding (that we were considering putting off until after the 2nd wedding celebration here in his country (Spain) 2 months later).
    Thanks for the wisdom and the cuteness.

  • After an intense fight with my fiance (which ended with me realizing I've been unemployed too too long and really need to get a life beyond wedding planning), I needed some sanity. I came back to this post. The last sentence is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you!!

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