Hey APW! It’s 2020 and the news is relentless, and so much out there seems really scary and un-fun. But you know what is always entertaining? Wedding advice. So we’ve vowed to do more of it this year, in all different forms. (And yes, we may be hiring extra advice columnists soon, so if you’ve been secretly answering people’s questions in your head/ the comments for years, it’s time to think about brushing up your writing resume.) But in order to keep your lives—and frankly our lives—full of the good stuff, this year we’ve decided to start answering questions we find around the internet. We’re still, as ever, taking your questions… but we’ll also take leads on a great question you saw while traveling the net that really someone needs to answer. Email all your questions to askteampractical at apracticalwedding dot com. But today, we start you off with this recent gem from Reddit, which exploded just about every head in the APW office. (As always, we edit questions for length and clarity.)
Q: Dear APW,
My fiancx and I have been together for three years. I’m 5’3 and he’s about 5’5 1/2. Since we’re both short, height has never been an issue for us. When I wear my usual heels we’re about the same, at most, maybe I’m an inch or so taller.
As a bridal gift, my Grandma gave me these absolutely beautiful Jimmy Choo high heels to wear to my wedding. I love them, and they are definitely not something I’d be able to afford for myself, so they’re a true luxury for me. The only problem is that they’d make me about 3-4 inches taller than my fiancé. I know it wouldn’t matter to a lot of people, but I can already hear all the annoying comments people making about me being taller than him. (When we first started dating a lot of people would say things like “OMG I couldn’t imagine dating someone under 6’’!! You guys are like the same size!”) Plus how potentially awkward the photos could look if I’m towering over him?
I’m thinking about asking him to wear platform dress shoes or those inserts for his shoes to make him taller, but I’m worried he might be offended, or feel like I don’t like him for him. But I’m also afraid if I don’t wear the shoes it might hurt my grandmas feelings. I’m the first granddaughter to get married and this wedding is a huge deal for her. My fiancé is very comfortable and confident with himself and his height now, but I know he was made fun of for it in the past, and I’d hate to be the reason those feelings come back for him. So would I be an asshole if I asked?
—I Want to Wear Heels
A: Dear IWTWH,
Yes, you would. Can you even imagine the pack of wild dogs these commenters would be if, say, your situation was reversed? Your male partner was asking you to fudge something about your appearance so he wouldn’t have to hear any comments about it?
But you can still wear the shoes, even if you just pick and choose when. Very few brides wear just a single pair of shoes over the course of a long-ass wedding (particularly if they’re 1) very expensive or 2) have a very high heel. This shoe is both!). Get some snaps of your neatly pedicured toes peeking out of them, make sure to gushingly point out the shoes to grandma when you’re at the reception, snap something good for Instagram (if a good shoe doesn’t get likes, did it even happen?). Then slip em off when it’s time for portraits together. If anyone even asks why they’re not on your feet (no one will), duh, they hurt. (If they are in fact this tall, that will not be a lie.)
Of course you want to wear these shoes and not just for grandma’s sake, we don’t need to be coy. They’re amazing Jimmy Choo’s! The choice here isn’t offending mom-mom vs offending your partner. It’s not even hot shoes vs offending your partner. The problem is the same one we all have to face on some level, in some way: the image-perfect wedding of your dreams vs how things are in reality.
Wear the shoes some or all of the day, don’t insult your partner, but let go of the idea that everything needs to look a certain way (or that you can avoid rude comments from people).