How Do I Stop Planning My Imaginary Wedding?

After years of pre-planning, will my wedding feel like a letdown?

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Q: As long as I can remember, I have been obsessed with weddings. In younger days, my friends and I would dream about the silhouettes of our wedding dresses, the reception food, and the color of our fiancé’s hair. While previously this hasn’t really been a problem, recently my imaginary wedding obsession has become a bit more of an issue.

For the last few years I’ve been dating a truly excellent person, and marriage and a wedding have become tangible possibilities, although not for a few years—after we have some savings and we’re both done with our education. Add to this our friends seem to be getting married en masse and my Type-A personality, and my wedding obsession has reached all-time heights. Sometimes in a Pinterest frenzy I forget I’m not actually engaged, and I have to stop myself emailing photographers for quotes, or I forget that we haven’t talked to our parents about what a budget might look like, and therefore I don’t need to worry about whether to get paper or linen napkins.

But before this turns into a “How We Did It” post for a wedding that hasn’t actually happened, I should say that by the time I do actually get married, I will have effectively been planning for seven to ten years. I’m worried that I’ll feel completely letdown and empty, with nothing as exciting or life defining to look forward to (I know having kids is a Thing, but somehow welcoming a screaming, crying tiny human doesn’t seem quite as exciting as deciding which shade of blush my underskirt will be).

So, how do I stop building up my imaginary wedding as this huge castle-in-the-sky, pinnacle-of-my-life affair? How do I stop a Pinterest wedding board addiction, and in the process, stop nearly telling people about how I found the PERFECT photographer for $200 under my imaginary budget?

Answer from the editor:

Knowing that you will have been effectively planning for seven to ten years by the time you actually get married, I’d say it’s time to pump the brakes.

Now, more than ever, Pinterest and Instagram make it easy to hop down the rabbit hole of your yet-to-be wedding and get lost in the details. Maybe it’s time to use your energy to learn a skill or take a class that’s relevant to the wedding industry. By the time your special day comes, you’ll be able to contribute in a way that you weren’t expecting to before (and it might keep you from being glued to Pinterest).

Did you start wedding planning when you were (very) pre-engaged? Did you set boundaries for yourself? did it affect your feelings about your wedding day? How did you deal?

If you want the APW community’s two cents, send it to QUESTIONS AT APRACTICALWEDDING DOT COM, and we’ll do our best to crowdsource you some answers!

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